Marill Re-Reads "Why oh Why"

Hey everyone, welcome to the second special edition of Marill Re-Reads Season Two. "Last time" Dimension Jump was given the well deserved honour of being shouted at all throughout, renamed and had its behind the scenes drama told in a sillyish prologue. Today it's Why oh Why's turn.

But why? I apologise, I'm gonna get Lena-esque expositional on your butts, and for the first time ever it's important for this re-read.

The nutshell version: Why oh Why ruined my late teens, possibly even my early 20's. My writing it brought me years of harrassment, stalking, gaslighting, threats. I dropped out of college twice, unable to cope. While all this was going on, I lost family, friends and I had to deal with a broken home. I didn't feel safe anywhere, off or online.

It went on so long I can't remember what year the harrassment stopped, and when it stopped affecting me so. To be honest, I think it still does, I'm a little scared about sharing this. What hurts the most about this was unlike a certain first offender (Dimension Jump), my intentions with Why oh Why were good. I know I started it all, I f$$$$ up, I acted like a brat. I was and probably still am too simple to express it clearly without offending, so I turned to what I (didn't) do best... or rather the only thing I felt comfortable doing at the time. But still, I offended anyway. You've seen my "work" so far, of course I did.

Unfortunately a re-read of Why oh Why was always gonna be a struggle. Since its intentions were at least benign, I won't do the same SHOUTY HATE gimmick. Dimension Jump's drama was child's play and so deserved an equally silly review. Why oh Why's aftermath though was a hate and smear campaign, designed to break me down and separate me from everyone and thing I held dear. If I'm wrong about that interpretation, I don't want to know, not now or ever. I'm not doing this to start anything. I'm explaining this to make sure my scrutiny of an episode that turned my life upside down makes sense to anyone who reads it.

There are still a few important details for you to know before I dive into this swamp.

+ While you might need to read Dimension Jump Re-Read's intro to understand some of the background, the episode itself is not necessary and has little to do with Why oh Why. The only real relation is Duncan, and he has nothing to do with the controversy.

+ I decided that I needed a character to represent me instead of the Marill persona, but someone who wasn't really me, someone that the readers wouldn't automatically side with (Marill would've done haha). I chose Tani. She was around my age, had done some stupid s$$$ over the season, and had already alienated everyone. No one in theory would feel sorry for her by default. Meanwhile, the other person in this story was a new character nobody knew yet and their job in the story was to be potrayed as someone who had been wronged already, and not be antagonistic. My aim was to make sure that my story didn't seem biased. Clearly I failed.

Now with that out of the way, lets do this. Just how am I going to treat this one any differently?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First, lets address the elephant in the room and the gimmick at the same time. Two birds.

Episode Synopsis
Tom finds out the secret about Duncan, and he spreads his own version of what happened among the crew. Meanwhile a time of Tani's life comes back to haunt her when she starts to get disturbing messages from an unknown member of the crew

WHY RAKE? this episode having this side plot.

Say hello to the one episode only sin counter. Unlike Jessie's the good stuff doesn't take anything off. Yes it's an excuse to show my favourite Simpsons joke. Look forward to that rip off in Season Three!

Kathryn was sitting at her desk drinking her fifth cup of coffee. The entire room smelled of coffee. Kathryn breathed in the smell of coffee and she smiled. She took another sip from her cup.

THERE'S COFFEE IN THAT OPENING PARAGRAPH

"What is it?" she asked, already dreading the idea.

"Well you know that a lot of the crew are making more enemies than friends lately, so I thought up a perfect way to get people back together," Neelix said.

Oh you and your forced and terrible foreshadowing Neelix.

"A Christmas Party, Christmas is only eighteen days away," Neelix said.

Let me get this straight. Bittersweet takes place on Christmas, An Apple A Day is based around it, and so is Why oh Why? These three episodes take place over 18 days.

Bwahahahahahahahaha

Bittersweet's gonna seem so much funnier than painful now with this in mind, as I assume Why oh Why itself takes place over a few days.

Anyways, Neelix decides to foreshadow some more, this time the upcoming musical episode of pain.

"Yes, but a band has to be performing all the time, you surely cannot stay on the stage for a couple of hours," Neelix said.

"Well it would work more if there were another band. I think we'll just have to perform for the usual hour and a half," Craig said.

Why, do you not have enough songs to steal?

"Hey Neelix, we couldn't help but eavesdrop on your conversation with PokéCrap, and I think we have come up with a plan," Kiara said.

OHSNAP

"PokéCrap? You little piece of s**t!" Lena grumbled. Craig, James and Jessie had to hold her back.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 1

"Yeah, that's the name. Oh come on, it's better than PokéBall," Kiara said.

I quite agree, a lot actually, Kiara.

There's a reason why they were named during the drinking game.

"PokéBall happens to be just one of our band names, we have a stage only name," Lena said.

"Do we?" the rest of the band said questioningly

"Er... " Lena muttered. She looked around the room for inspiration. None came. She thought, "Virus, Cosmos, Black Hole, Cherry, Orphans, Hyper..."

holy moly, Team Rocket was never a suggestion? Finally we're moving on......... right??? please

And erm Lena, why orphans? You have two living parents. Craig's an orphan fine, James is apparently one (cough), but also Jessie was "merely" abandoned, her parents are still alive.

She gets Black Hole from looking around the room, I don't want to know what Neelix is cooking.

"Our stage only name is Virus," Lena said.

Kiara groaned, and rolled her eyes. "Lovely name, Lena, it suits you perfectly," she said and she walked off.

DDAAAYUM, KIARA'S ON FIRE

"She's been like this ever since the last episode, she's in a huff with a few of us," Lena replied.

yeah how dare she, it was just a little killing. James does that s$$$ accidentally all the time, he doesn't mean it, what a lovable goof daww, STOP BEING MEAN TO.... *sarcasm machine blows up* oh shoot

Moving on, the two bands discuss song choices and SURPRISE

WHY RAKE? Virus already abuse A's 24 (at the time) songs sized discography, now Pulse are gonna do it. I know, I know, I shouldn't mark based on my current bitterness but you gotta admit, this is dumb as f$$$

Someone suggests a song about bumble bees sexually harassing flowers, yes really, WHY DID I LIKE THIS BAND AGAIN? James isn't too keen strangely enough

"Our kid is here, Craig, that's hardly the song to play with kids around," James said.

I'm as surprised as you that he understood the "subtle" meaning of the song

and me as well for him to make that comment

This is the same kid who thought they invented the "wham bam" line. Oh to be young and hiding in a cave again.

She[Lena] spotted Ashley and Steve walking into the room. Lena looked over at Tani, she was on her own. Lena quickly got off her seat and she went over to Tani.

"Did anyone tell you who the newcomers were in the last episode?" Lena asked.

"No, and I don't care," Tani muttered.

Why is Lena so concerned about Tani after everything?

Oh and btw, shitstorm incoming

"Oh my god, it's Ashley," Tani gasped, she rushed over to him. Lena followed.

Ashley and Steve spotted Tani and Lena coming towards them. Steve looked rather uncomfortable, and Ashley was plain opposite.

Which of the two are going to be the er, not a bad guy cos both sides?

"Yeah, I've been beating big and tough lads for five years, and then I get beat by a girl my age, typical huh," Ashley said. Lena eyed Steve who was still looking rather uncomfortable.

Sexist Crap Count: 1

Why is it typical that your only defeat was by a Slayer who happens to be a girl your age?

"Going to tell me off again?" Steve said questioningly

"Probably. I didn't really think it was you, but it's still rather annoying the way you act around Tani," Lena said.

"I can't help it," Steve muttered.

Why do we have no context? What wasn't really Steve?

WHY RAKE? This is off to a fabulous start. One of the Steve/Ashley duo is already getting Scot-ed.

"Well, why do you always act like you want to be anywhere but where Tani is?" Lena asked, James and Jessie walked over.

"I feel that way all the time," James muttered. Lena rolled her eyes.

Why is James always the ohsnap king?

OHBLOODYSNAP

"Hey, aren't you that guy who beat Mick in the last episode?" Steve asked.

"I did? I thought I imagined it," James replied.

Why am I still making James shocked at his own power?

"Don't worry. Whenever he got beat it was all because of him accidentally transforming into his Human side too early. He thinks that he's won, but he hasn't. His Human side is like a Gentle Giant, his cyborg side however is a nasty piece of work," Steve said.

Seriously, James is meant to be a Slayer. Why is The Stone/Mick so powerful in his other form that he can beat a Slayer so easily, that his gentle Human side is such a pushover?

WHY AM I EVEN QUESTIONING ANY OF THIS? THERE'S A REASON(S) THE WRESTLING TRIO WERE EVICTED FROM THE SERIES.

WHY RAKE? Why oh Why has time for more OMG JAMES IS SO PATHETIC / but he's da Slayer seesawing

"Rumour has it he was assimilated by those Valerians," Steve replied. Both James and Jessie shuddered. "What?" Steve said questioningly

"In Resistance, Jessie had a Valerian friend and well, you know the rest," James said.

UM

WHAT, AGAIN, I'VE ALREADY DONE THIS BITCHING BUT I WILL AGAIN. YOU FORCED MY HAND

Have we forgotten James actually made Valerian Simon his bitch twice in that episode? That's not a reasonable explanation as to how The Stone garbaged the garbage taker. I'm okay with "regular" people winning against the Slayers, as long as it's not contradictory bulls$$$.

"Worst episode, ever," Jessie muttered.

WHY MUST YOU LIE JESSIE, LOOK!

Season Two Ranking
#01 Resistance: 53%

Overall Ranking So Far
#01  Worse Case Scenario 2: 69%
#02  Resistance: 53%

SO MANY LIES

Steve looked around nervously, he spotted a bottle of alcohol and he picked it up.

"Steve, you don't drink!" Lena yelled from where she was.

"I do now," Steve muttered, and he started drinking from the bottle.

Kathryn watched what happened, and she shook her head. "I knew those two drove me to drink, this may explain why everyone's an alcoholic," she said.

I'm pretty sure Tom was drunk long before James and Jessie arrived on the scene. Why must we blame every "bad" thing on these two?

WHY RAKE? The whole scene was painful

Phew, one controversial scene down.

She[Kathryn] spotted Duncan with a bottle of vodka. He was about to drink some. She rushed over to him and she took the bottle away just in time.

He looked up at her with a pouty expression on his face.

"Bad boy, you don't want to be like your father. No alcohol," Kathryn said, and she walked away. Duncan stared after her.

Why?

And which "father" would that be, Kathy? Drunk Tom is 50/50 these days, and Drunk James has the walk into walls thing going for him.

"Why?" Duncan muttered quietly.

EXACTLY DUNCAN, EXACTLY. James is the best character in the series imo, why wouldn't he want to be like him?

AND LOL again, Duncan's first word is muttered. Not literally, he mutters his first wood. goddamnit

"Nah, he can't talk," Kiara said.

Why not, he's eight months old. He should be going on away missions, getting pissed and transforming into a teenager by now

Virus went onto the stage. "And finally Virus will perform two of their songs that have been mixed together as a remix. Remember it is available on their debut single; My oh My/Barbie Girl," Neelix said.

*grinds teeth* I've already raked the song choices

"Uhoh, have you guys been drinking?" Craig asked. Jessie and James looked at each other and then Craig innocently.

"No," they both said in small voices.

See Drunk James > Drunk Tom

Oh ok, it's actually: Drunk S1 Tom / Drunk James >>>>>>>> Drunk Morgan in Resurrection >>> Drunk S2 Tom

Nearly everyone burst out laughing when Jessie and James did their usual drunken act, you should know what that is by now.

"Oh my god, awful," Kathryn muttered as she watched the two drunken band members. 

AHEMforeshadowing

WHY RAKE? the prude Janeway gag gets very old very fast

"Oh shut up you stupid Peter Pan b**ch!" Lena yelled. Nearly everyone cheered when they heard her.

ALL HAIL THE GENIUS LENA, SHE'S SO FUNNEH, CALL TUVOK DUMBO AGAIN

"Stoopid peda pan bish," Duncan managed to say

bwahahaha

"Do your dad a favour. Take Duncan back to our quarters and babysit him," he said. He took a swig of lager.

"Ok, I'll do the favour, what is it?" Bryan asked. Tom didn't swallow the lager first hand. He just stared at Bryan. "What?" Bryan muttered questioningly. Tom swallowed the lager slowly.

"I told you to take Duncan back to our quarters and babysit him, that was the favour," Tom said slowly.

heh, that's what you get for asking a 1 year old posing as a teen to babysit the 8 month old

"That thing you call a kid, he drives me nuts," Bryan replied.

Hey, hey, you're lucky you're still a baby... no dissing of Thee Duncan

Bryan was sitting on the sofa watching The Mummy Returns (you can tell who's writing this scene, cough.....Mummy Returns maniac... cough Marill)

WHY RAKE? yes we know I liked Mummy Returns, we'll see this crap in Oasis. Enough already

"Damn, stupid time anomaly thing. Everyone can use that excuse but me," Bryan moaned.

Bryan's treatment is the real tragedy here, poor kid

Bryan jumped, but it was not because of the mummies. He stood up frantically.

"Duncan, get off of me!" he yelled. Duncan had a tight grip on his neck, and he held on for a dear life. He was giggling like crazy. Bryan eventually got Duncan off his back by threatening to go backwards into the wall. Duncan landed on the sofa, and he kept on giggling. "Don't ever do that again!" Bryan yelled.

o_0

Yeah yeah both kids, etc whatever I tried, but Duncan never does anything like this again. it feels so out of place. And again Bryan gets let off with that wall thing since he is a kid too

Ok fine, I just remembered he had a drink earlier. Like father like son... good thing Duncan's an only child, he's not going to get drunk and run... TOO SOON MARILL

"Why?" Duncan said. Bryan stared at him.

And so it begins

Next and oh lord, the Michael Sullivan show is back

Faye embarrasses me by showing off a hobby of mine from ages past. pfft, I got so many other embarrassing hobbies now, pfft

Stil no drunk Tom, oh well, he's officially replaced only cos I know Drunk Tom gets bad, really bad in the next one *shudder*

So erm, the point of this whole Sullivan Show segment is................................... help me out, something about votes and who's the best drunk. The examples aren't great

In Michael's point of view, only!!! If necessary, you need not have to read this part!

Lena slowly pulled the small bobble out of her hair, she threw it away. She shook her head to get her hair back out. Still in slow motion.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

Duncan shows up and announces what's on everyone's mind when they're reading FV

"Why?" Duncan said from the top of the stairs.

"Isn't that cute, my first word was why too," Jessie giggled.

"And mine was vodka," James giggled.

And Peter Taylor's terrible legacy lives on *thumbs up* don't you dare use evidence to blame this on Debbie, have some respect for the dead who aren't Peter

 "Nami yurare yuuhi odoru. Hohoenda "Mata ashita" tte. Shiokaze yorisoi shibaraku yasumou. Tatakau yuuki ga afurete kuru kara. Manten no hoshi ga utau. Sasayaida "Ganbarou" tte. Mikazuki yurikago yume mite nemurou. Tabi suru genki ga afurete kuru kara," Triah sang.

(Writers Note: Those were the lyrics to a Pokémon Japanese song that Triah's actress sings. I can't translate. I'm not Japanese, deal with it

Um, wtf? we haven't been racist to Triah in a while.

WHY RAKE? Duh

Okay, fine! Google Translate to the rescue... or not. bwhahaha, while it detects it as Japanese it can't translate it. 10/10 Maril, nice job

Jessie stood up. "I'm going to bed, just being in this show makes me wanna sleep," she said. She headed toward the door she came in. James got up and he followed. Tom eyed them suspiciously.

growupTom

"Why?" Duncan said. He started running down the stairs towards Tom.

"Duncan, slow down, you could fall!" Tom yelled.

It was too late, Duncan tripped and he fell down the last 3 steps. Tom rushed over to him. He tapped his commbadge.

WHY RAKE? totally not needed drama. I know why this happens but there are other ways that don't involve a baby falling down the stairs

After appearing in lots of different places including somebody's bathroom, Tom and Duncan finally arrived in Sickbay.

Snicker. More of this...

 "The Doctor is in Janeway's Ready Room."

"Oh not again, why does he have to program himself to be drunk all the time," Tom muttered as he shook his head.

Meanwhile, in the Ready Room:

The Doctor was putting mistletoe all over the ceiling, as he stood on the Ready Room table. He climbed down but he fell into Kathryn's chair. He began spinning on it, he picked up a flask of coffee and he tried to drink it. The coffee went straight through him, and went onto the chair.

Kathryn came in with Chakotay.

"Oh my god, he's got coffee all over my chair again! Oh my god!" Kathryn rambled. Chakotay looked up, and he smiled. The Doctor passed Chakotay on the way out.

"Thanks, Doc," Chakotay whispered.

"Ohno, not the mistletoe thing again," Kathryn moaned. She looked at Chakotay. "Oh what the hell."

Um...

I'll get back to you on this one.

Tom finished treating Duncan. He noticed that the blood from the cut on Duncan's forehead had dripped on the biobed. Tom picked up a cloth from the medical tray, but he knocked a tricorder onto the bed. It opened on it's own, and it started making beepy noises. Tom sighed, and he cleaned the blood off the biobed. He picked up the tricorder.

Yeah um, this deserves all the rakes. I'm so glad I knew to come prepared

WHY RAKE(S)?
+1 The 8 month old has to bleed for the reveal
+1 Tom accidentally scans him, and it happens to have DNA results right there for him to see when he picks it up
+1 just cos

ANYWAY Tom knows, lets see how he reacts

In: "I know you're in there you f****ng perverts! Get here and open the door!"

perverts isn't the word I'd use

Tom looked around the room. "Where's your boyfriend?" Tom asked.

"What? Boyfriend, how did you bloody find out?" Jessie asked.

Steady on peeps, she's still hammered. Tom doesn't like all this honesty when he wants answers for why his son has other DNA besides his own, so sobers her up.

"Why?" Duncan said.

YES DUNCAN, WHY INDEED

James walked in, and he headed straight for the replicator. "Hi Tom. I need a vodka, do you want a drink?" he asked. Tom eyed him suspiciously.

"You're being too nice to me, you're still drunk," Tom said.

lol, in another episode this could be funny. here it's just weird

Since James is on screen and pissed, not the usual kind of pissed, Tom sobers him up too, then probably raids their cupboards

"Have you sobered up yet?" Tom asked. The pair shrugged their shoulders. Tom rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll test you. James, can I have a drink?"

"Get stuffed," James replied.

I lied, still funny

"You're sober. Right, I need to be angry again so I can yell. Duncan, say something," Tom said.

Yeah um, all the sympathy and everything for that matter goes out the door with this stupid joke. stop

 "Could someone explain to me how this little why monster came to life?" Tom asked in a loud an angry voice.

"Didn't you go to Science classes? I'm sure they explained the whole thing in the first year of comprehensive," James said.

*Danny pops her head in only to wipe proud tears from her eyes*

During all of this Duncan keeps whying and for now it's the only bit that's funny that's meant to be so. I need something to keep me going through this grotty memory lane

"Fine, I'll try asking the question another way. How come the tricorder I was using when treating Duncan, said that there was no DNA strands in Duncan's blood that actually came from me or B'Elanna?" Tom asked.

Haha, remember when it took ages for the Doc to do DNA tests in Disconnected and 5 seconds to confirm Duncan's in Interactions? I do. Duncan must have very obvious DNA, like it looks like letters spelling out his parents names or something

WHY RAKE? James/Jessie continue the full blown denial even though Tom has receipts

Oh and Jessie, don't think I've forgotten you

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

"No, you pea brain Geordie slut!

Sexist Crap Count: 1

 "No, you pea brain Geordie slut! I found DNA that matched Duncan's, so I found out who the real parents are! So, I'll ask my first question again. Could someone explain to me how this little why monster came to life!" Tom yelled.

"Er... lets just say, a love spell and a couple of bottles of vodka don't really mix," James said nervously.

well... that was easy????????

Funnily enough with James' frank and to the point and yet snarky reply doesn't convince Tom. GEE WONDER WHY THAT IS

"We'll work that part out later, shall we. My next question is why the hell did B'Elanna give birth to your bloody brat?" Tom yelled.

Ok Ok, you're mad, that's fine, totally reasonable but why insult Duncan, it's not his fault. For now no sins

Jessie explains at long last, which is nice but...

 "Was the plan originally suppose to end when B'Elanna gave birth and give the kid to you, or did you plan to abandon it with us?" Tom asked.

"We didn't plan anything," James muttered.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

that's technically true, yikes

"Next question. Why on earth didn't anybody tell me about this?" Tom asked.

"Remember in the early days when you used to terrorise us because you thought we were a couple," Jessie said.

hoboy

"I suppose it was the question of if you took the kid back," Tom said angrily.

"Why?" Duncan said.

"Would you bloody shut up!" Tom yelled.

WHY RAKE? yelling at an innocent baby who hasn't a clue what's going on other than he's learned his first word

Tom recaps with Lena/Morgan like flair, her ears are burning somewhere, and then basically ends that with "will you take him?" Not you willllll take him, but will you? Jessie answers like anyone with a sin counter would

"Er.. what's the matter, don't you like him?" Jessie muttered.

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

 "Now I don't. Now that I know that he was just born to get me back for all the 'terrorising' I've been doing to you guys," Tom said.

"We didn't plan it all to happen, so why do you think that it happened just for us to get you back?" James asked.

Well I can't say I blame him for jumping to this

"It did more than that. The people who fell in love became er, couples. According to Lena and Danny everyone who was infected was, well kissing each other," Jessie said.

Sounds like Tom isn't the one who needs those science classes

 "I'm so glad that you're lying about that. I was closest to Annika at the time," Tom muttered.

"He he he he," Duncan giggled.

"Don't you start!" Tom yelled.

Duncan pointed his finger at him. "Ya did kissee wissee with Bonnika," Duncan managed to say. He started giggling again.

Oh Duncan, you scamp

note he never talks this cutesy again after this episode... and you know what, I'm for it

 "The only one who was drunk was Emma, and she didn't do anything," Tom said.

"How do you know, everyone who was infected forgot what happened," Jessie said.

0_0 I don't like this implication

"Here's what really happened. You two got sick of me 'terrorising' you, so you tried to get Jessie pregnant. Then you tried to get her into enough trouble so she'd get hurt. Then B'Elanna would feel sorry for you and help out. The rest we all know," Tom said.

That escalated quickly

"Who do you think I am anyway? A slut? I think not!" Jessie yelled.

Ok, no Sexist Crap mark for this because... holymoly at that accusation. 

"I've always thought you looked like a slut," Tom said.

nm Sexist Crap Count: 2

 "Should I leave the product of your attempted revenge here?" Tom said questioningly

"Now you see why we didn't tell you about this," Jessie said angrily. James stood up too.

SHHH, it's too early for this remark Jessie

"Once I've talked to B'Elanna, I'll be back to drop off Duncan's stuff," Tom said.

"You heard her, get out!" James yelled.

For once I'm ok with the lack of garbage taking out. Yeahyeah Tom's out of line, but goodgod look what they've done to him.

"Why?" Duncan said. He pointed at himself. "Cher' coke," he said as he continued to point at himself.

AAAW, here you go

"I don't know. We can't exactly take Duncan now, we're not ready for him. Babysitting him was hard enough," Jessie replied.

Hey guys, quick quiz. How many times have Jessie and/or James "babysat" their own kid? I bet that answer can be shown on only hand.

I'm not going to mark Jessie down for this, there's always been a reason for her fear (True Q hello)

"Cherr' coke," Duncan muttered, and he started crying.

OMG SO CUTE here take it all!

Overall that scene was hit or miss, sigh

The next day the Duncan is J/J's story is the talk of the "town"

Jessie looked quickly over her shoulders. "It doesn't matter. They'll get tired of it eventually," Jessie said.

"That doesn't sound like you," Lena said.

No sin removal, but er it's a bit soon for her to already be like this

"I suppose Tom's theory makes more sense. Even drunk and under love spell, James would never go for you," Tani said.

Oh yeah Tani's in this one. It was nice while it lasted

"Two plates of chips," Jessie replied.

"Two?" Neelix said questioningly

"James doesn't know it, but there's only enough rations between us to get something for Duncan," Jessie said.

How... how doesn't he know it, his own rations account... what have you been doing o_0

And don't make excuses Jessie, we both know chips is all you two eat

 "Was it your idea?" Tani asked.

"My idea?" Jessie said Questioningly.

"To get revenge on Tom like that," Tani replied.

SIGH

"Look Tani. Don't believe what Tom told you. Me and James are not like that. So shut up and forget about it," Jessie said.

"What do you mean you and James are not like that? I know he's not like that, but sluts like you are," Tani said.

I SAID SIGH

Sexist Crap Count: 3

Wow Tani's such a bitch in this one, I wonder why

She and Lena follow Jessie home, after some confusion over Jessie not eating the feast of 2 plates of chips instead of feeding her "new kid"

"James had to go to that stupid duty shift with Tuvok. As far as I know Duncan's still asleep.. in my bloody bed," Jessie replied.

And? Last episode said you weren't using it... and stupid duty shift, you mean security?

"James said he couldn't be bothered to do the shift, so he's going to fake an illness to get out," Jessie replied.

WHY RAKE? THEN WHY MENTION IT

Tani demands that Jessie listen to her slagging off before she can go, and asks Lena for privacy. Lena does so and erm, my eyebrow can only get so high

"Look to be quick, I know that it was your idea to get revenge on Tom. And I know that you most probably forced James into it. So, to clear things up, I'll just say one more thing," Tani said.

"I didn't agree with anything you said there, but go on," Jessie said.

"I really hate you, and that's about it really," Tani said.

"That's nice, will you go now?" Jessie asked.

Tani nodded, and she turned towards the door. She quickly turned back around and she hit Jessie in the face. She then walked out.

GOSH, I HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO TANI, NOSIRREE, I'D NEVER HAVE SYMPATHY FOR HER

iseewhatyou'redoingtherepastmarill, and it's a shame cos you just end up ruining it later, I know it

"I think she left a bit of a dent in the wall, oh well. Are you ok?" Lena asked.

Lena takes out the garbage, Janeway (and James cough) style

"It's fine, Lena, take a hint. I tell you, this isn't my day," Jessie said and she sat down on the sofa.

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

Come on, Lena stuck up for you and that's what you say to her

James walked into the room, trying to look innocent.

Lena and Jessie noticed straight away. "You've been in a fight with Tom again, haven't you?" Jessie asked.

ermm

James I'm all for garbage taking, but here and now, no no. This is like throwing a full bottle of Cherry Coke in the bin

"That sounds more believable. It seems a lot of people believe Tom's story though," Lilly said.

"That's because they haven't heard our story yet. Hopefully they might find ours more believable," Jessie said.

PLACE YOUR BETS, WHICH STORY IS MORE BELIEVABLE:

1) Two people who like make out when drunk get drunk, then love spelled, get stabbed, ask surrogate to lie to her husband cos he picks on them

2) Two people sick of being picked on assusing them of being icky couple, hook up for the only intention of creating a kid and siccing him on to said bully, that'll teach him

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Lilly gives them all a padd to read and we're not allowed to know what's on it yet, but it's horrible so, we're meant to be feeling suspensful or something?

"Somebody saw you push Tani into the wall near James and Jessie's Quarters. Explanation please?" Kathryn said questioningly.

"Tani started it. She hit Jessie, so I pushed Tani into the wall as she made her way out of the room. I don't see why I have to be blamed for this," Lena said.

Does anyone remember when Lena/Morgan and Jessie fell out and shouted slut insults at each other? No me neither.

No matter, it's time for bulls$$$ sob stories to "explain" Tani being a bitch. She's my avatar in this one so she's got plenty of flaws without hers added on, okay!

"Whatever. Supposedly she found out in May that she has a problem with her immune system. According to the Doctor she's more vulnerable to diseases, and if she does get them her body takes longer than usual to fight back. Tani was angry, to say the least," Kathryn said.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL MARILL?

I find it a bit odd in all seriousness that I picked Tani because she was somebody that wouldn't be well liked, and then I decided to try and gain sympathy for her as soon as she's me. I know this episode is all about both sides but sheesh, Tani didn't need to be explained. And yes this was made up on the spot. I don't think it's ever mentioned again.

OH AND LOL, her immune system is f$$$$$ up? The Borg kept her? Try pulling another one

WHY RAKE? Yeah. Lets make excuses for Tani, and even better do it when she's supposed to be an awfuler version of me in a "both sides" tell all story.

"You don't understand, do you Lena. She'd been under a lot of stress before finding out about this. First she lost you as a best friend," Kathryn said.

"That was her fault, she took something totally the wrong way and she started spreading rumours," Lena said.

Well I can't believe I'm going to defend Tani here but you did allegedly tell her that while you were fine with practising fighting with her, the regular girl, you couldn't do the same with James, the other Slayer. How else would she take it?

"Let me finish. She only started doing that in May, right? She broke up with you in April, correct?" Kathryn asked.

"Yeah," Lena replied.

OMG WHEN DID TANI AND LENA DATE? THIS IS SO SAD

seriously, Interactions made the same mistake with Jessie worrying over "breaking up with" James.

"June, June... we had that bout with the Seventh Dimension. Oh god, that's when she tried to kiss James, or rather she did," Lena said.

WHY RAKE? AW HELL NO, DON'T EXPLAIN THAT AWAY

Ohnoes I've got a bad immune system, then it's totally cool that I sexually assault some guy I like? yeahright

"I'm surprised he didn't. Oh yeah, I was the one who got her away from him. Later Jessie was forced to tell her about Duncan," Lena said.

BULLS$$$

Look at F9 and tell me, did Jessie really have to tell her about Duncan?

"That's probably what did it," Kathryn said.

"What?" Lena said questioningly.

"As much as it repulses me to say it, but Tani is in love with James. Imagine what kind of damage it would do if you found out that the guy you loved had a son," Kathryn said. Lena shrugged her shoulders. Kathryn groaned. "She was probably so angry it caused her to go more b****y, as you call it, than before. It may explain her hatred for Jessie," Kathryn said.

lolforeshadowing with that repulses line

Again I ask, why go to all the trouble of picking a questionable avatar for my part in this story and then excuse everything bad she's done in one scene? The both sides thing is meant to be regarding the incident itself, gawd

"Yeah I suppose. What should I do?" Lena asked.

daaaw, why does Lena still care about her? daaw

"Well, if you really want to help her, you're going to have to get her to fall out of love with James, maybe that's a start. Maybe if you spend more time with her too. You may have made more closer friends after falling out with her, but I don't think she's had the same," Kathryn replied.

"Oh, ok, but how am I suppose to put her off James, I know he isn't really a catch of the day, but she's obsessed with him. It would be like trying to get me off Cherry Coke," Lena said.

"Yeah, you have a point. Hang on a second, what other drinks do you like?" Kathryn asked.

"Alcohol," Lena replied.

"Exactly. If I were to tone you down from Cherry Coke, I would have less Cherry Coke available, and more alcohol available," Kathryn said.

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 1

IT'S BEEN A LONG FEW EPISODES SINCE JANEWAY WAS A S$$$ PARENT. I know it's hypothetical BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

"Shut up for a second, that's not the main point here. I was thinking maybe you can get Tani to like some other lads. Make sure they're single," Kathryn said.

"I think I'm getting it. Tani knows that James isn't exactly available now, but if she notices some more guys that are available she'll slowly go off him," Lena said.

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 2

WAIT WHUT, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECTING LENA TO PLAY MATCHMAKER?

It's not Lena's responsibility to fix her ex-friend. Wtf is this????????

Tani thought, "sometimes I don't know why I bother, no one ever leaves me messages."

"You have two messages," the computer said.

Tani sat up quickly and she picked up the computer.

OH MY GOD, WHY DO I SO IDENTITY WITH THIS........*crickets chirp* ohhhh

It didn't have a sender, the only thing there was the message itself. Her smile quickly faded as she read the text. Nervously she opened the next one, and she read it. Anger grew inside her, yet fear was starting to build up also.

Why though? Where's the word for word quote, the description, the muttering? no but seriously, this bit is pretty good for once.

If she doesn't start replying with a lot of caps locked rage and uncensored swear words then this story has already failed as a "showing my side, good and bad" story.

She clicked on the reply button, but the computer beeped. "Unknown sender, you cannot reply to this message."

AAAAH, I see, crafty old/young Marill. She was gonna unleash her OMGFURY but couldn't. Though I'm curious, how was the sender able to pull this off?

"I must say I am very angry with each and every one of you. When I was assigned to this ship seven years ago I was hoping to have the best crew in the fleet, who liked each other and didn't fight. I don't know what I did to deserve a crew where some members hate each other so much that fights start. And now to add to that Tani has received disturbing messages off an unknown crewmember. I want to know who it is, right now!" Kathryn yelled.

Hermmmmmm, wf is this??

WHY RAKE?

Lemme see. B'Elanna stabbed Riley because she was hitting on Tom. Seven/Annika has attempted to kill many people and is currently in the nut house. James has a kill count of 5 so far and that's excluding the prequels... though one was Seven, so 4. Tom spikes peoples drinks in order to film them making out. The Doctor blackmails people into donating organs. Neelix poisons people everyday. Tuvok apparently turned evil during a prequel episode that never happens. Kiara murdered Jessie via Q powers to win a YWF battle. Lena has killed makeupface, abused her daughter and chased people with a chainsaw. Jessie yelled at a kid who lost her mum because she had no makeup, strangled people because of the same reason, has beaten up Tom many times. Craig had a crush and pursued a romance with a 15 year old even though he knew she was a future version of a 2 year old. Harry loves those gorry bodies.

But Tani getting told she's a hateful moron who needs putting in her place, to sum it up, is TOO FAR, OMG

Tuvok stood up. "I have examined Tani's computer, the sender must of used some sort of encryption code to stop Tani from finding out where it came from.

Tuvok: Why am I humouring this? This s$$$ has James' name all over it

James: Shoot, I haven't finished writing my hatefic yet. *grumble*

"Why?" Duncan said.

Everyone looked towards James and Jessie. Duncan was sitting on James' knee.

aaaw

"B**ch," Jessie muttered under her breath.

Duncan started clapping his hands. "Bish, bish, bish, b**ch, b**ch," he chanted. Everyone looked his way again.

I SAID AAAW

"Tom, why couldn't you just keep Duncan. He's already learning swear words," Kathryn said.

"You've got to be kidding me. It took me hours to shower off the germs I got from touching him. He came from Jessie, it's enough to make anyone puke," Tom said.

WHATTHEEVERLOVINGFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

WHY RAKES
+1 again with the Duncan abuse
+1 "he came from Jessie" um, gross Tom. and rude
+1 A kid is enough to make him puke, gtfo... it's way too soon for the Tom f$$$s up and loses sympathy part of the plot and since he's done this here, no not a spoiler
+1 I'm reminded of Dimension Jump funnily enough, where Tom slags off Jessie most of all despite James being violent to him. Here it feels a lot more sexist cos he keeps blaming Jessie and not James, as if it's only the woman's fault and responsibility, huh

Conference continues, barely. Almost everyone leaves.

"Whatever, why are you trying to be nice?" Tani muttered.

"I heard about your problem," Lena said.

Tani: Nah it's okay, I saved my angry reply. I'll just post it in a forum or something, he's bound to see it.

Lena: Not that problem, and wtf, why would you do that? Everyone will see it

Tani: Do Guestbooks still exist in 2019?

Lena: o_0 guest what?

Lena sat down next to Tani. "Hey Listen, catching the messenger shouldn't be that hard. If you remember somebody on the Borg sphere did it to you 2 years ago. In the end, there's only you, me, Steve and Ashley that were on the sphere, that are also here on this ship."

OBJECTION

1) Way to twist the narrative of this inspired by real events story. This did not happen once before, the receiving the message was the first event. This is just a shortcut to solving the "mystery"

2) Which wasn't there anyway. There shouldn't be other suspects, no brother to get mixed up with.

3) It's still obviously James, he loves to hack

WHY RAKE? WHY(OHWHY) ARE YOU PULLING THIS STRING? IT LOOKS SUSPECT AS F&&&

"Yeah, you're right. I know it's not you. It's not your style, plus you were my friend back then. Ashley's my friend too. Maybe it's Steve. He always looks uncomfortable around me. He must hate me. I always thought he did," Tani said.

Wait, did Tani really admit that she thought Lena was behind it?

And Lena is fine with helping her after this? LAWL

"Steve, well I'll talk to him if I can. You talk to Ashley about him, see what you can find out. We're not having this crap again, right?" Lena said.

"Yeah, thanks," Tani said.

Why must Tani confront anyone here, that isn't a good idea.

Despite the horrible explaining away everything Tani's done scene earlier, I'm all for a Lena and Tani reunion. This is nice. More or this and less OMG TANI'S NOT A BULLY, SHE'S JUST SICK. I thought Disconnected's "James is not a killer" was annoying.

"Is Ashley in," Tani said quickly.

Steve nodded, he walked away from the door and he went into the other room. A few seconds later Ashley came in.

"Hey Tan, come in," he said cheerfully.

OMG, ARE THEY THE SAME PERSON? I'M ONTO YOUcough

"Somebody sent me two messages last night. They were the same style as the ones I got 2 years ago on the Sphere," Tani said.

Ashley's face fell. "That's awful."

Don't be sad, she probably faked a message from James saying that someone deserved to die. Cow had it coming.

James: YEAH! Since when do I warn before I add to my kill count?

"Wait a second, are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah of course, why should I be ok," Tani replied.

QUE?

GOSH, THIS REALLY IS ME. SHE MAKES NO SENSE

"The last time you got those messages you wouldn't talk to anyone," Ashley said.

I'm sure "the last time" Tani was a shy little idiot who wrote Star Trek fanfic in her notebook instead of doing her science homework. Why am I trying to make Tani literally me in this, it beats the idea of using Tani. Use Faye if you must do this

"I was scared, I didn't know who it was. This time it's a little easier. The one who's doing it now must of done it on the sphere. It's the same style as those other messages. I know it's not you, I doubt it's Lena. She was my best friend on the sphere. I'm sorry Ashley but it has to be your brother, it can't be anyone else," Tani said.

Welp mystery solved, can we go back to the Duncan plot

"Then how do you explain the fact that the messages stopped a day before you and your brother were taken. And the fact that the messages are starting again a day after you two found out that I was on this ship," Tani asked.

I've got a better question. If you're so sure, why the f$$$ are we wasting time making this a mystery when it never was?

"Fine, but warn your brother. The Captain isn't too happy about this, and the messenger is in trouble if she finds out who it is. And frankly, I'll be happy when she catches them. That guy, or girl nearly ruined my life the last time, I felt like committing suicide a few times. I hope whoever it is gets an execution, I really do, and I don't care who it is," Tani said and she walked out.

UHHHHHHHHH

WHY RAKE? YIKES It's okay Tani's just sick, she says silly things like this all the time. bless her *cough*

"Tom, this is stupid. Can't you lot work this out on your own?" Harry said questioningly.

"Harry, Harry, I and B'Elanna would be able to work this out with a pair of chimps easier than those two. I know that they don't want Duncan, they never did," Tom said.

It's interesting how he has no blame for B'Elanna in this. Maybe it's less sexist and more that he hates Jessie (for rejecting him years ago?)

"Correct me if I'm wrong but haven't you spent the last seven years tormenting them because they were close best friends. If I were one of them, I would keep a secret like what they did too. Just because they didn't tell you straight away, doesn't mean that they are using Duncan as revenge material," Harry said.

HARRY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TOO SOON-NESS, SAVE IT FOR LATER

"Well I did tell everyone to get their act together, and here you are again, using your Michael Sullivan show to cause trouble. The last time you used this program like this was to play matchmaker. What are you up to this time?" Kathryn asked.

"Instead of telling you, I can show you. I need every crewmember to come in, and tell their point of view of the situation. You and Chakotay would be perfect," Tom replied.

"Kathryn, I think this is about Duncan," Chakotay replied.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK

 "This story you made up about them is not going to get you anywhere," Chakotay said.

"It already has. I'm getting back at them really well this way," Tom said.

So, not once does he actually believe it. Interesting. I dunno, I'm okay that he turns to the Holodeck immediately (reboot will do the same) for comfort and/or revenge, but he at first doesn't believe the truth. ifhe doesn't believe this, what does he think, we'll prob never know

It's time to start the show folks MIKEY MIKEY

"They told me this crap story. They said that they were drunk during the love spell that took place over a year ago. A few weeks later B'Elanna offered to be a surrogate mother to save Jessie and Duncan lives after an accident on a planet," Tom replied.

When you tell it like this it looks more legit than "mwhahahaha lets have a kid, that'l show Tom that we'd never touch each other"

"And B'Elanna didn't tell you?" Michael said.

"No, they told her not to because they thought I'd work out their scheme," Tom said.

yes because B'Elanna's a delicate flower and listened to them. someone doesn't know his own wife. I know she did a selfless thing saving Duncan but you'd expect him to be mad at her too

There was a mixture of cheers and boos coming from the crowd as James and Jessie came onto the stage. Duncan was following them with a chocolate bar in his hands. They all sat as far away from Tom as possible.

I'm sorry but who is cheering them? I figured Tani would be too busy writing Dimension Jump to be going to this

"Stop denying it, you circus freaks!" Tom yelled and he stood up. Jessie and James stood back up too.

ouch

"Stop making up rumours about us, you (beep)ing (beep)!" Jessie yelled.

Rumour...ss? Are we talking in general or about this situation. intruige

j/j share their side and it's as you expect

Sullivan questions them about Tom's theory

"That's the thing with Tom, the only thing that comes out of his mouth his a load of bull(beep)," James said.

snirk,yeah

"You can talk," Tom muttered. James stood back up.

"Don't make me come over there," he said angrily. Tom stood up.

RIP TOM

Everyone cheered as the security guards came on. One was Mick, the other was a hologram.

Mick held Tom back, and the hologram held James back.

Ahha, I knew that thing I was going to write into the reboot was already a thing and you have no idea what I'm talking about

It is interesting that the Rock ripoff wasn't the one to hold James back, since they're apparently on equal ground or something..groan

"Steve, Steve, Steve!" everyone chanted.

IT'S STEVEAAAAAAAAAAY

ohwait, that's not confusing at all. the hologram's called Steve as well. This is the James the Third joke all over agian

Ok, we are now going to bring out friends and acquaintances to get their view of the situation. First lets welcome Captain Janeway!" Michael said.

Half an hour later:

"Right, that's half of our guests. Now since it's the end of the show, 

WHY RAKE? Yeah lets skip over the more interesting part of the story, we need to spend more time with Tani.

"Right, that's half of our guests. Now since it's the end of the show, the audience will now do some voting. First, which story do you think is the correct one. Jessie and James' or Tom's? Vote now," Michael said.

 "I don't see the point of this, I really don't," Jessie muttered.

"Oh for god's sake. I set this up to persuade you guys to take Duncan. It's that simple," Tom said.

Ermmmm how does that work, and haven't you already disowned him with that eew he came from Jessie cooties comment earlier

"So why has this show been about everyone trying to work out which story is true?" James asked.

ok, he asked it better

"Well it's obvious. We can't agree on anything if we don't work out our little 'how it happened' story," Tom replied.

"Why can't we do this on our own, I don't see why we have to sort out every problem on a talk show," Jessie said.

I suppose we'll never know

"It seems that more people believe Tom's story. That's all for tonight, we'll continue this story tomorrow," Michael said.

So does that mean they keep Duncan or Tom does? or does it mean diddly squat other than Tom feeling better

Later J/J discuss how to get Tom to believe them, by bringing in the Doctor??? the guy who can be programed, to talk about one of two people who can hack. how can this go wrong? and their mates Lena and Craig. ohyeah, this is a shoe in

"Doesn't matter, we'll just prove it in the show. Everyone else will, that's all I care about. I hate it when people are always staring at me," Jessie said.

"What makes you think they're going to be different when they find out that the love spell story is true," James said.

"It's better than Tom's story. That one makes us look like slags," Jessie said.

Wow, she doesn't say sluts and she doesn't say "makes me look like a slut"... James is also to blame in this shocker

They soon have a visitor

 "What the hell do you want?" James asked.

oooph James, that'll sort the problem

"I want to know what you're planning on doing with Duncan," Tom replied.

I thought the polls would sort this out?

"All right fine, just keep this in mind. If my story is true, which it probably is, Janeway is going to be really mad at you.

OHNO, NO, I DON'T WANT MUMMY JANEWAY MAD AT ME, I'M SOWWY

o_0

 I was talking to her about it earlier. She'll probably throw you in the Brig, but she wants proof.

Um wtf Janeway

 I still think she believes your story though. Anyway, if your story turns out to be true, which is unlikely, Janeway wants you to take custody of Duncan. In a way I win both ways. Goodnight," Tom said, and he walked out.

erm, ohsnap

Janeway has no jurisdiction here, does she?

WHY RAKE? The stakes of this Sullivan Show which story is true contest is who, J/J, get custody of Duncan. When that even isn't or shouldn't be a question.

"What the hell does he have against us, the little b****rd?" Jessie said angrily as she stood up.

what's she mad at? having to take Duncan, if so sin count, if it's for the "I WIN brig for you mwhahahaha" then fine nothing

"Well we did lie to him," James said.

aah James when you say it like that it sounds like very little... well we did lie to him that his son was his for months

"No, he's hated us for seven years! Why, that's what I want to know. If he had left us alone at the beginning, we would of told him about Duncan the moment B'Elanna came out of that operation," Jessie said angrily, she started pacing the room.

Hmmm... I might have to compare the Interactions versions of this, but yeh i buy it

Meanwhile Tani gets another message. So the story skips over the Dimension Jump saga. Is that a good or bad thing?? BOTH

"No, that's what frustrates me. I want to vent all my anger on this person, but I can't," Tani replied.

"I've noticed that the coward has done something so you don't even know which computer, or room it came from," Lena said.

"No, what's even more stupid, why doesn't this person tell this stuff to my face? And anyway, what war is this dork thinking of?" Tani asked.

Yeah, I was secretly fine with the alterations to the story. Seriously, it doesn't have to be exactly the same. So erm, what were you saying about not knowing who this was Tani?

"It must be Steve, Tan. There's no doubt about it. He's scared of you, that's why he never talks to you. Probably this is his only way he can talk to you," Lena said.

Omfg

I am Marill, fear me and my scawy coffee cup of doom

Oh my. If Lena had said this in another episode about another situation, I'd be nodding in approval and giving her a thumbs up. Here, oh lordie.

WHY RAKE? Yeah, way to stick your fingers up

No matter, Tani's best mate is to the rescue.

"Those messages, why are you sending them?" Lena yelled.

"It isn't me, I don't know Tani," Steve said nervously.

takeoutthegarba...recyclebin. They're not as bad as regular bins are they? BOTH SIDES

"If you do it again, there's going to be hell on!" Lena yelled.

"It isn't me?" Steve protested.

I know the title has two why's in it, but that doesn't mean everything has to be a question. DOES IT?

"Ok, all of them are basically on about a war between Tani and the sender. One said that he or she was going to win. The second one started off by saying something about me and blackmail. It said that I always hated the sender too. The most recent one was the worst," Lena said.

Okay, I'm drawing a blank. The winning and war parts sure, I get them. I don't remember my best friend being mentioned, or blackmail. What's that about?

"A war? Blackmail? Oh come on Lena, I barely know Tani. Why would there be a war between us. And besides, I like you Lena, why would I go on about you too," Steve said.

"I don't care about the stuff about me, I care about what you said about Tani. One message said 'why are you ignoring me, afraid of the truth?'. And another 'why aren't you talking to me'. And so on, I don't even understand these messages at all," Lena said.

Yikes, I shuddered. Was that quoted word for word?

On the bright side, Lena continues to make up for her s$$$ behaviour since Halloween.

"Firstly, I don't write stuff like that. Secondly I don't see what's so upsetting about those three messages you just spoke of," Steve said.

"Because dips**t, it obviously means that the sender knows her. She doesn't know who it is though. I mean she could just walk into the mess hall and the sender could be in there mocking her," Lena said.

Reminder: I always knew who it was. Though I'm starting to warm to these changes with the two brothers. Though I wonder why I decided to do it like this

In: "Henderson to Lena. Where the hell are you? I just got another instant message off that guy."

Yep Tani's still a cow. See, it's not that bad. She isn't walking around with an angel ring, downing Cherry Coke and stuffing her face with pizza. Okay, that started somewhere else.

Why are you so easy to hate, Tani? OMG SHE IS ME, HIDE ALL YOUR JAMES'S

Lena looked oddly at Steve. She looked around the room, the only computer there was switched off.

"Is that yours?" Lena asked.

"Yeah, it's passworded so my brother can't get in," Steve replied.

HOLY S$$$ WHAT A TWIST

is this sarcasm? very likely. James you're the expert, your verdict?

James: I'm kinda busy with my own problems right now or have you forgotten this was my episode?

Swell

"Tani, are you sure it was instant?" Lena asked.

In: "Positive Lena. You should know all messages are instant if the receivers computer is on."

That's funny, I don't remember any of this taking place on MSN messenger *instantly dates self* um, yahoo mess...er Skype*shudder*, Facebook? Oh I give up, I was a teenager in 2001, MSN WAS BETTER HMPH, GET OFF MY LAWN YOU ROTTEN KIDS

Lena sighed. "Tan, it isn't Steve. I've been talking to him for five minutes."

In: "Oh for god's sake, who else could it be then?"

"I don't know, but I'll find out. Be sure of that," Lena replied.

OH FFS, ARE YOU THAT STUPID?

"You were obviously quite annoyed at me for using this show to sort everything out. So, I've got a proposition for you," Tom replied.

 "What kind of proposition?" James asked.

"Basically, you two are obviously lying about your story. So I'm willing to spare you some embarrassment. Just tell me that the story is true, and I'll convince everyone that I've been proved wrong about my story. I won't tell anyone," Tom replied.

ooohhhhh Tom's playing hard ball now

"Well, if you want to keep showing yourselves up, we can continue with the Sullivan show. Everyone believes the truth so that can't always be a good sign. Anyway, if you continue this way I'll have to give you Duncan permanently

BUT I THOUGHT HE DIDNT WANT DUNCAN COS HE HAD JESSIE GERMS AND STUFF

 If you tell me that my theory is right then I'll consider looking after him a little while longer. I've grown quite attached to him actually. The choice is really yours," Tom replied.

lol, Duncan is quite attachable I'll admit as someone who doesnt like kids

"Well obviously we're not going to tell you a lie," Jessie said.

"Listen Tom, we'll tell you what's going to happen. We're keeping Duncan, since we don't want him ending up like you. Secondly we're sticking to the truth since we can prove it," Jessie said.

um, you tell him?

the show goes on I guess

"I just thought I say that your brother is in the clear," Lena said.

oh, maybe it doesn't

"I had a feeling that it wasn't him. So, any clue to who it really is?" Ashley asked.

"Well I think I've come up with something," Lena replied.

"That's good, let me know when you find out who it is," Ashley said.

"I will," Lena said.

THIS TENSE IS S$$$

no that wasn't a mistake, no question there

"You two have always been, how can I put it, conflicted. Why's that?" Lena asked.

"We're two different people I suppose. Why do you ask?" Ashley replied.

"It doesn't have anything to do with that Trek game did it?" Lena asked.

GAH I CONFESS, I USED TO WRITE KIDZ TREK, BARELY. I DID PRETEND NEWSLETTERS AND MAGAZINES, IMAGINE IT ON TV BUT NEVER WROTE ANYTHING BUT A FEW EPISODES/CHAPTERS. WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?

"I suppose so. She used to keep using the same names as I was using for the characters, it was quite annoying," Ashley replied.

Oh dear, here we go. Are you ready for some silly behind the scenes reveals?

"I think the names are rather common, it's a mistake anyone can make. Who won that game anyway?" Lena asked.

God damn, how many James' were in that game? Must've been confusing.

"Nobody, we never got to finish it," Ashley replied.

"What did you have to do to win?" Lena asked.

Oooh war, game where you name the characters. Interesting change. Does it work though?

"What did you have to do to win?" Lena asked.

"If you must know. Tani lead an alien race, and I lead a different one. The object of the game was to destroy your opponent, there was another objective, but none of us worked toward it," Ashley replied.

Was the objective to actually write... er play the f$$$$ books...er game. God damn it

"So in a way, you're still at war with Tani, right?" Lena asked.

"Yeah, what's with the questions anyway?" Ashley replied.

*snicker* yes this is worth getting mad over. It's somehow sadder than the true version. HOW, YOU ASK? Hmph, kids those days

"The messages go on about a war like if it is a real one. You know that I'm not too keen on you. And both of you have done nothing but argue all the time you've known each other. Now, you've only talked to her twice in only a few days. You guys used to talk all the time," Lena replied.

You know, I remembered it wasn't Steve from the beginning. Why? Tani and Steve, aka the original James and Jessie from Kidz Trek. I wouldn't stain Steve or James with this controversy (although too late for James ha). Also the one brother being super cheerful and nice while the other is quiet and shifty, it screamed obvious mislead.

"Ok, Lena, you're right. I admit it, I sent those messages. With good reason," Ashley said.

"You've got a good reason? This is going to be a laugh," Lena said.

I assume an awkward laugh. Come on past Marill, when are you going to tell both sides? don't f$$$ this up

"You know me and Tani have never been that good of friends. We argued about stupid little things, we never admitted to being wrong when we were. The only thing that kept us together was that game," Ashley said.

Well, I suppose? Harsh but not really wrong.

"I was only told about the game, Ashley, it sounds pretty silly to me," Lena said.

"It isn't a game in the way you think Lena. The two of us had this idea to do holonovels if we ever got back home. We kept it a secret because we thought you lot would laugh at us. Anyway, she did steal two character names from my novel. We had little fights over things like that. I suppose Tani was more serious about the whole thing, I just wanted to have fun, but she took a lot of things personally," Ashley said.

OH SO CLOSE! I knew the fanfic/books=game change wouldn't work for the rest of the backstory.

Though okay, reading it again, that's actually not bad. I was ashamed of why it had happened, so when I ever talked about it I'd avoid the details. Oh I fell out with my friend because we wrote hatefic and stole names, no wonder it wasn't taken seriously

"It's over Lena. I thought I wouldn't see her again after I got captured. Then Voyager rescued me and my brother. I don't want to be Tani's friend anymore. I thought sending those messages would put her off," Ashley said.

So, um. Why aren't you talking to me, is something you say to someone you don't want to see again?

Okay?

WHY RAKE? I think I was a bit lost on his "why did you do this" motives. She insulted me so revenge, Tani not retaliating afterwards wouldn't fit the theme.

"I thought mentioning the war all the time would give a hint. I didn't put my name in mainly because it would come as too big a shock. I had to use Steve's computer each time. I knew it had this problem. Nobody can track it down for some reason. But I figured it wouldn't cause a problem. When she didn't come and talk to me after the first one, I kept sending more," Ashley said.

WHY RAKE? YOU'RE LOSING IT. STAWP

"You scared the hell out of her, Ashley! Don't you realise that? You say what state she was in the first time it happened on the sphere!" Lena yelled.

"I didn't think my approach was scary," Ashley said.

Hey, the messages that were quoted creeped me out without even remembering them (at first). But on the otherhand, the first message was a thought out hateful exposition with a link to Kidz Trek Dies A Lot, so...

OH CUT IT OUT 2001 MARILL, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT CAN GET SO HUSH. PS keep Why oh Why the Duncan episode only, don't upload it like this. Thank me never

"Well, it helped me. At least the Doctor proved your story," Tom replied.

"Why are you happy about that? I thought you loved telling people that theory of yours," James asked.

"I had to get back at you, I was angry. I did spend seven months looking after a kid that wasn't even mine," Tom replied.

WHY RAKE? oh, thanks to all of that life ruining crap, we missed the end of the Sullivan show and everything's fine

"Look, I came here to apologise for the rumour I started. But keep one thing in mind. Just because you're story was true, doesn't mean that I like you. I hate you for what you put me through," Tom said.

oh and there I was worried you three were being way too friendly o_0

"Yeah well, we didn't have a smooth ride either. If we were a couple, it would of made things easier," James said.

ohyou

"I'll not speak of this anymore, if you don't," Tom said. Both Jessie and James nodded in agreement. "Good, you guys aren't really that bad in the end. See you later," Tom said. He stood up and he headed towards Harry and B'Elanna's table.

WHY RAKE? bwahahahhahahaha, this is not how you end a plot like this. "oh schucks you guys, you screwed me over for 9+7 months by making me believe I had a second son but you aren't so bad after all, lol"

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Tani asked.

"I tried, but I couldn't get the words I needed out. I'm sorry if I scared you, I didn't mean to," Ashley said.

Yay, the end. Seriously Tani, don't quit your stalking James day job (actually still do). No writing for you. Everything will be a-ok

"I want you to know that I really hate you, but I accept your apology," Tani said.

"Thanks Tan, you're the best," Ashley said.

"Now, I have no friends again, this is all I need," Tani said.

"What about Lena?" Ashley asked.

"We fell out," Tani replied.

"I heard, but it still seems that you're friends," Ashley said.

"I know now that rumour I spread was a little harsh. Why do I keep driving people away?" Tani said.

Because, immune system. The episode's still not over and we've already forgotten about it... YAY

"I don't know, I'm sure you don't do it on purpose. If you're using us an example, then you shouldn't. It was a bit of both of us," Ashley said.

BOTH SIDES

"Lena hates me, Ashley, I noticed that she defended Jessie the other day, and not me. She hates my guts, I know it," Tani said.

You smacked Jessie in the face. What did you want her to do, join in?

"She doesn't. If she hates you, why did she help you?" Ashley asked. Tani shrugged her shoulders. "Because she still does care about you, that's why. She probably keeps going against you because she's angry. Let her cool off," Ashley said.

Good advice, now where's the delete button, I got some scenes to get rid of.

"You've just broken us up, and now you're trying to get me friends with Lena, why?" Tani asked.

Stop it with the broken us up language, it's confusing.

"Ashley," Tani said. Ashley stopped at the door and he turned around. "It looks like I won the war after all, you surrendered," Tani said.

Ashley smiled slightly, and he walked out of the room leaving Tani on her own once again.

WHY RAKE? I DID IT AGAIN "oh schucks Tani/Marill, you're an awful writer who steals everything and is a hateful bitter cow but you aren't so bad after all, lol"

IT'S OVER AND THE CROWD THROWS ALL THEIR MILKSHAKES TO THE YARD, DAMN RIGHT ITS HIT A RACIST, DAMN RIGHT THAT S$$$S HILARIOUS... GAH I NEVER LEARN, OR I'D HAVE TO CHARGE

Will we hear anymore about the holonovel thing Tani and Ashley did?

WHY RAKE? OMG NO, STOP IT MARILL, STOP

Will Tani and Lena make friends again after all?

why not

Will Lena follow Janeway's advice about Tani?

No, Tani's gotta sort herself out

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 48 (1225)

Sexist Crap Count: 4 (59)

Jessie's Sin Points: earned 3, lost 0 (13)

Lena the Sue Count: 0 (31)

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 0 (11)

Annika Dies Count: 0 (10)

James Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 0 (3)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 1 (17) The fight with Tom sorta counts.

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 0 (50)

Just A Little Bit More: 0 (37)

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 2 (25)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

Sub-total: 33

Positives:

1) Kiara's delicious Pokecrap jab. After the crap she put up with in YWF, this was juicy. Also it kicked off the rename to Virus, which she also rips apart.

2) James giving a shit about his kid regarding the song choice. It's a christmas miracle

3) The opening paragraph describing the party was quite nice IMO

4) Duncan is still the star of the episode, as he should be. Duncan's the best. He's James Junior without all the random flaws. ALL HAIL DUNCAN

5) I thought it wouldn't age well, but the Why gag which gave the episode its name is still amusing to me.

6) "After appearing in lots of different places including somebody's bathroom, Tom and Duncan finally arrived in Sickbay." lol

I'll reluctantly admit, Why oh Why's attempt to be funny sometimes lands.

7) Despite my strange attempts to give Tani some sympathy, she's still a bitch in this one. I'd be sinning this episode to the grave if she was all nice and innocent the entire time

8) There was some attempt to give Ashley a chance, his side doesn't seem so bad until it unravels.

Sub-total: 8

Marill's Rating: 20%

Ho boy, that's too bad. I mean it in more ways than one. It's not Why oh Why's fault my life was ruined for a few years. It's mine. There's proof in this mess that I did have the right intention, but clearly I was still angry. I'd have to be to try and excuse Tani's behaviour throughout Season Two.

Rankings So Far:

#01 Resistance: 53%
#02 YWF: 46%
#03 Disconnected: 40%
#04 Kiss of Death: 38%
#05 Interactions: 37%
#06 The Resurrection: 36%
#07 True Q: 35%
#08 Cause & Effect: 33%
#09 The Curse of Voyager: 32%
#10 Saturday Night & Precise Timings: 31%
#11 Games Resistance: 29%
#12 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#13 F9: Control Failure: 21%
#14 Why oh Why: 20%
#15 Halloween: 15%
#16 Dimension Jump: 14%
#17 The Slayers: 12%
#18 The Love Spell: 10%

Though on the bright side, best intentions keep it from being scored lower than its partner in crime, and the travesty trio.

Next Time: Marill ruins Drunk Tom forever, Jessie secretly wonders if she zeros her Sin Counter will she finally get through one episode unscathed, Duncan continues to be cute despite his bratiness turn, Lena's never seen Indiana Jones and neither has Marill. Oh yeah and it's yet another song title episode.