Marill Re-Reads "YWF"

Many years ago past me loved the W(W)E wrestling. Like with everything I loved, they got forcefed into Fifth Voyager by any means necessary. Fortunately there was a Voyager episode that pretty much did the same thing, so that made doing so much much easier.

Yes this is the FV version of Tsunkatse, without any of the original characters who orchestrated it, so it kinda isn't. Well except for one ickle detail, you know me by now, you know what it is.

Now this one could go either way. I remember some of its problems which will very likely mark it down a lot (including a one I have to judge on the episode alone, not later events despite the hints telling me not to), and we all know there's always more problems that I had forgotten about. But it also has some character development, definite foreshadowing, half decent shipping. Will this be another 50/50 episode, or will it join the many 30% average 'uns.

I think YWF will be joining Disconnected in the 40 range, personally. We'll see!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And YWF immediately loses its Top 5 chances with a Barbie Girl video. FML SKIP, not even going to read it.

An alien ship reduces Voyager's shields to zilch and kidnaps Annika? Okay?

But who cares about that, it's time for shipping. Janeway calls James since he slept in and hasn't gone to work (it's roughly dinner time). Luckily he has a "good" reason for sleeping in, which I wouldn't recommend sharing with Janeway

The pair both woke up to the sound of Janeway's angry voice going over the comm.

In: "Janeway to Stuart. Why aren't you on duty!"

James and Jessie looked at each other with a worried look on their faces.

Well er, what's all this then? This is Season Two, I'm sure there's a nice prudish explanation for this. Can't have the established couple waking up in bed together, and late in the afternoon too, sheesh, THIS ISN'T PRON

Anyways Jessie comments while Jane's still on the phone, and er...

In: "Who was that?"

In: "I think I know why he slept in, that sounded like a girl."

In: "Tom, shut up, I'm in no mood for you."

*cough* yeah Tom AHEM

James though is on the case with his expert lying skills.

"I didn't hear anything, nobody else is here," James said quickly.

OK I BELIEVE YOU

"But I don't feel very well," James muttered.

In: "It's called a hangover, go to to Sickbay first."

In: "Chakotay, be quiet."

Was about to scold Janeway for her stuttery naivety/denial, ahem, but it was Chakotay. nm.

Wait, there was a party? This is why I shouldn't skip scenes.

Somebody hangs up on them, and you'd think this is the part where either character start to overworry, panic etc about being undeniably caught out

Jessie laughed slightly. "Lets just hope nobody believed Tom," she said.

"Nobody believes anything Tom says," James said.

They were just about to kiss when...

WHAT

WHAT SEASON IS THIS

not complaining, it's about time these two relax

In: "Janeway to Rex, why aren't you on duty!"

Janeway did this on purpose. She's not that dim, surely.

In: "Hurry up and get to duty, and tell James to hurry up too"

"Yes, James, hurry up," Jessie said, and she laughed.

That's what she didn't say

YOU HEARD ME

"Yes ma'am," James said, and he laughed too.

They were about to kiss again when...

Bwahahaha, obvious interruption is obvious but still, lawl.

I feel the need to nitpick. Quote from a much later episode, don't worry there's no spoilers:

Jessie turned away, "look mister I don't like being called ma'am. That's reserved for old women."

"Uh huh, miss time's up," the security guy stuttered.

Jessie smiled like nothing happened, "ok." She kissed James on the cheek, "see you later." She headed out of the room.

"I can't believe you called her ma'am," James said.

Maybe she only likes it when James does it. Really likes it. weird. I know, I know, it's the episode I quoted that's "wrong". Moving on.

In: "Paris to Rex, I think James has a girl in his room, check on him."

Nah,  I can buy Tom being dim. No complaint.

Though, I do question why J/J shipper Tom would tell Jessie that she's being "cheated" on, so go walk in on her shipping partner. You're a piece of s***

"Er... ok, won't be long," Jessie said, she looked around the room. "Is there any girls in this room?" Jessie asked.

"Only one," James replied.

"Should I tell him?" Jessie asked.

"No," James replied.

*snicker*

Jessie tapped her commbadge. "Rex to Paris, there's no girl in here, so you can turn your jealousy off."

Jessie's Sin Points: -1

lol

In: "You what? Jealousy, cheeky cow!"

The commlink was cut off again.

James and Jessie laughed. They waited for a few seconds, then they kissed each other briefly.

daw

but funny

"Get me some breakfast," Jessie said.

"I can't be bothered to get up," James moaned.

Jessie tried to push him off the bed, but he was surprisingly heavy. He eventually was pushed off.

Surprisingly? Iinan and Unu already complained about this episodes ago.

"Now will you get me something?" Jessie asked sweetly.

*snicker*

Two minutes later he came back in with two plates of chips, and he sat down on the bed.

"That's a funny breakfast," Jessie muttered.

"It's dinner time, Jess," James said, and he handed her a plate.

um

1) Took the words right of my mo...fingers

2) Two plates of only chips? What a cheapskate

3) I still ate cereal when I had my nonshipping related just lazy Sunday lie ins.

4) He really didn't want to get up and "make" breakfast. He did this on purpose so she wouldn't ask again

5) Lol, reminded of the new bit in Resistance with James the "chef". Still better than Neelix but, golly

"Hey you've got more chips, give me some of yours," Jessie said. She pinched some of James' chips, and she stuffed them in her mouth.

"Hey," James moaned, and he pinched some of Jessie's chips. The door chimed, and Lena walked straight in.

LENA WTF

she just walks straight into one of their bedrooms, catches them stealing chips from each other's plates in bed, and doesn't so much as blink. "Oooh chips". You thought Lena being a greedy food glutton was a new reboot thing, didn't you.

After Lena steals James' brea/dinner, brunch... who cares, she does start to notice but...

Never mind, now what I want to know is why are you two sharing a room," Lena replied.

Well, when a couple of JUST best friends really like each other...

"We decided before the party that it would be a good idea, it was mainly Jessie's idea," James said.

I'm sensing building denial. Shame. The scene was pretty cute, time to DENY THE S$$$ OUT OF IT

"Oh so, it isn't what I think it is," Lena said.

"No, we may have been drunk last night but we didn't sleep with each other, well in the way you're thinking anyway," Jessie said.

*eyebrow twitch*

Yes yes Jessie denial queen, yes yes sin counter blah, whatever. So let me get this straight. Lena knows they're a couple. James has explained that they've moved in together, quite recently in fact. Lena seems relieved that the couple didn't spend their first night living together doing anything more than a chip fight in bed. Jessie doubles down and says IT WAS LITERAL SLEEPING TOGETHER, I SWEAR, I WASN'T DRUNK ENOUGH.

James deserves better, bless.

What's weirder is that he says it was Jessie's idea. Then she does all this. What a slap in the face.

"That's good, I was getting worried there. So why is it such a good idea to move in with each other?" Lena asked.

OH, WHY WOULD YOU WORRY

oh yeah, this is YWF and that reveal. carry on *cough*

"Well everytime we babysitted Duncan, we always fell asleep on the sofa. I noticed a while back that I was sleeping better on the sofa with him, than sleeping on my own in my own bed. Danny suggested moving in together," Jessie replied.

OR.................drumroll WE BOTH EXCHANGED "LOVE YOU"'S MONTHS AGO, WE'VE MADE OUT AND STUFF, HAVE A KID TOGETHER, WE'RE A FRIGGING COUPLE, AND SOMETIMES THEY MOVE IN TOGETHER.

Ok, ok. I'm getting mad about this again when I keep saying, Jessie's very private and easily embarrassed so this is in her character.

Yet this is the same scene where she's talking to people on the bridge while in bed with James, and they've pretty much guessed that she is (or someone is lawl), and she's doing so while flirting and teasing him. Lena walks in and she regresses to OMG SO GROSS

Anyway, sigh. James' ploy to get out of breakfast making duty backfires, and he's pushed literally into getting more chips. Lena makes fun of Jessie and James by calling them immature. yes cos you're so so adult Lena. Jessie's like yeah so, it's fun.

"Then why isn't it fun to be with Craig?" Lena asked.

"Craig's immature, in a different way, I suppose. What do you guys do?" Jessie replied questioningly.

Obviously not the same things

Somebody tell Craig to replicate chips...no actually don't

"We go to the holodeck every now and then, most of those programs are rather dull," Lena replied.

"Yeah, he must think that having a girlfriend only means doing the soppy stuff. In my opinion, you should still fool around, have fun, be like kids. Why don't you tell him that," Jessie said.

CHIP FIGHT WOOHOO

James returns with all the chips he can afford on what's left of his pay cheque, only for Lena to steal a handful and exit. Jessie isn't quite done playing with him. By the end of the episode James'll be decked out in a butler outfit, massaging her feet and only words will be yes master.

Since this episode is called YWF, we move onto the plot. They must rescue Annika before she tortures the poor sods who kidnapped her, so they arrange an awayteam

Lilly brings up her brother who's taking after their Softmicron loving Uncle with the badass daughter, in other words pissed out of his head (still, the next day). And we get this exchange

"Didn't he try that mistletoe on your ex boyfriend?" Emma asked.

"He's not my ex-boyfriend! And yes, he did," Lilly replied. Everyone moved on from nervous stage to terrified stage.

Ah homophobia, how I never missed you

Yeah yeah the Jessie line earlier could be seen that way, I guess, but the Tom is gay for James quips she keeps doing are more about him being homophobic and insecure, so I allowed it. This, nope.

"Can I go, I haven't been off the ship in ages," Naomi asked.

"Yes you can," Kathryn replied.

"Kiara, Bryan's coming too," Naomi said.

So what does YWF mean, you ask? Well I'm glad my invisible friend is still talking to me, but anyhow. This is FV's version of Tsunkatse, a season later than it should be. It was considered for Season One because Seven abuse is fun, but I had nothing new to add to it. I clearly still didn't. By Season Two time the WWF/E whatever obsession, along with my grown hatred for ship ruiner Seven, inspired me to parody it after all. You'll see how soon enough. For the moment, if you know Tsunkatse, you know where this is going and why I've decided to explain here of all places.

A reminder/recap in case you don't:

Lena: I volunteer for the rescue the woman who hates me mission. No arguments mum.

Janeway: Okay

Lilly: homophobic interruption

Janeway: Who else wants to go on this mission to rescue Annika from the people who wanted to kidnap and didn't immediately fly back to return her

6/7 year old that looks like a 16 year old: OOOHH ME ME, SO BORED

Janeway: Daw, oh yes you can, oh yes you can

fake 16 year old: NEAT, I'm bringing your 4/5 year old granddaughter and the Chief Engineer's baby son with me, since they're clearly teenagers like me.

Janeway: Okay okay, I don't need your life story. James, get Duncan ready for the mission.

Tom: WTF?

Janeway: OOOPSIE, I'm an episode early lol

James: *copy and pastes Kill Count*

As if my little script actually happened, Tom volunteers James and Jessie for this mission that's totally not going to involve brutal fights to the death or anything, with wrestlers and junk. Of course not, that's why the kids are going. It's a fun little mission, gawd

"How come we got lumbered into doing this?" Lena muttered as she worked at a station.

Uh Lena, you volunteered. sigh

Then I realise they're not on the mission yet. James and Lena are alone in the Flyer for some reason or another. *shrug*

Some stilted dialogue plus a Lena genuinely laughs at a lame sarcastic James comment moment later, and the usual talking about our shipping conversation springs up thanks to James bringing up Lena's conversation with Jessie. Suddenly it's coffee time, how coincidental.

Lena groaned. "That women tells you everything, doesn't she?"

"As far as I know, yes," James said.

:)

"Well for your information I haven't said anything to Craig yet. I'm hardly going to walk up to him and say Craig you're boring," Lena said.

"Why not?" James asked.

Lena laughed again, "well I'd be insulted if someone said that to me."

"Yeah so would I. I'd hate it if somebody called me Craig," James said.

Lena lau.. oh actually she didn't, so much for that pattern. I still thought I should bring it up though for no reason at all.

"Yeah I knew that, I was just trying to annoy you," James said.

"You do that without saying anything sometimes," Lena muttered.

"Thanks," James said.

haha typical

Somehow the conversation shifts to Tani which is kinda a relief since their Jessie/Craig chats tend to drag and annoy, but it's also a bit bizarre since... well I'll show you

"True. I think the real reason I beat up Tani for the Games Training was to get my own back on her for being annoying. But that doesn't explain this," Lena said.

I've seen worse forced attempts to get the characters to talk about what's on my plot list. I've also seen a lot better.

"Explain what?" James asked.

"The fact I prefer spending time with you than Craig. I don't get it, he's not a pain. But you're annoying, yet I seem to be able to stand you," Lena said.

0_0

where's my Kaim pic

"Somehow I doubt it. I'm going to talk to dad, maybe he can help," Lena said. She stood up and she left the shuttle.

Well that escalated quickly

James fortunately is rather dim in this department and only really comments on her dad being someone else who's annoying, so he's damned right. I dunno

90% of us though know what the reason is... Okay fine 50%? 49% might have already read far ahead and have a different answer.

"I think I have an explanation," Chakotay said finally.

Wait whut, what did Lena say to him? I'm actually super curious

"The only reason you'd value somebodies safety over your best friends is if they were a family member, or if you had at least a crush on them," Chakotay replied.

COUGHCOUGH FORESHADOWING

I MEAN WTF

I was 99% sure YWF was the one but wowsers. Spoilers; this is a little on the nose, and I'm saying that after doing a lot of nose patting in reboot Thrown Key and Disconnected.

"Let me finish. You admit that you erm, have a crush on this lad, so you're going out with him. Yet you seem to prefer spending time with another lad that's just a friend. Right?" Chakotay asked.

*thinking face*

"In normal circumstances, I'd just say there's nothing wrong. Most people sometimes prefer to spend time with their friends other than their own boyfriend or girlfriend

Can I just interject here? An ep or so ago Lena admitted to James and/or Jessie that she only decided to date Craig to mess with her mother, who suggested she date to get over her identity crisis. And to mess with him after he tried to trick her into being jealous, which worked. I'M SO CONFUSED AT THIS SOAP OPERA..... But anyway, now the episode's suggesting that it was a lie, cos I really doubt she'd tell her dad she fancied someone (to be fair, none of the "lads" are named) if she had other reasons for dating him already said. She'd use the lies there. She doesn't. Okay?

I honestly thought the Lena and Craig situation was simpleish. Obviously his side is super obvious, so ignore him for the time being. Lena is pretty much meant to be an asexual, but the stupid actors got married malarkey pushed me into couple-fying them. I suppose that's still an influence here, what with it still being 2001. Meh.

Moving on cos I promised to shorten these things

Back to Chakotay's line, that's a pretty good point, and so that should be that. He counters immediately though;

But the earlier thing I said suggests that you do have a crush on this second lad," Chakotay replied.

I'm sorry, you lost me.

Not because that doesn't make sense, well fully, but because the "earlier point" was Lena saying she worried more over (lad 1)'s well being over (lad 2) who she admitted to crushing on. Am I the only one who sees this error? ECHO

Chakotay tries to explain for us both by asking who she'd root for if the two got into a catfight. Lena answers (lad1/James) without hesitation. Wait for it

"Why?" Chakotay asked.

"I have no idea, that's why I came to you in the first place," Lena replied.

"Which one in your opinion is the strongest?" Chakotay asked.

Yeah at this point I suspect (again) that Chakotay knows who the f$$$ she's talking about... but then again a later scene begs to differ. Nah, this is just more of my patented forced conversations. Chakotay only asks this so I can get to the point quicker, can't have Lena come to this resolution naturally, nosiree

I do though love Lena's answer and I'm gonna give it a positive as it's not only nice and an insight into how she really thinks of Craig, but at this moment in time is kinda right.

"My boyfriend, in spirit, but the other guy is stronger when it comes to fighting," Lena replied.

Chakotay definitely does not work out who she's talking about until much later in the episode, there's actually little doubt (you'll see). But here, the pin's dropped over and over and he's still shocked later on. IT'S CRAIG AND JAMES, DUUUUUUUUUUH

Anyway the super duper genius gives his diagnosis

"You must like the other lad more than your boyfriend, since you're willing to defend him even though he can clearly take care of himself. You have a crush on your boyfriend, so that must mean you have a much larger crush on the other lad," Chakotay replied.

Translation: You like both guys, but you love the one you're not dating.

Oh come on, that's not a spoiler, it's right there in black and orange (and FVy avoidyness)

"In my experience there are different kinds of crushes," Chakotay replied.

Oh ffs Chakotay/past me, we've all cracked your ingenious code

Now that, that whopper is out in the open, lets see what Lena does with this brandnew information

Jessie sat next to Lena on the sofa.

"So Tani was right," Jessie said.

You know Lena, I've said some s$$$ about you lately, but I knew deep down, you're alright.

Although Jessie isn't somebody I want to get this kind of advice from, yikes

"There's a chance that my dad is wrong," Lena said.

"And there's a chance that he's not," Jessie said.

You too Jessie, you're alright

Jessie's Sin Points: -1

Not being a jealous overreacting etc... instead being nice and understanding, calm, and secure. How often do you see this happening?

And despite my comments above, Jessie pretty much says (what I think) is right, since Lena's not really sure herself and is only going by her dad's verdict, so best not to rock the boat

"I hate to say it, it sounds a little selfish but, I think you should stick with Craig. Most crushes disappear in time," Jessie said.

Then one of my favourite exchanges in Season Two happens

"Wait a second, aren't you mad?" Lena asked.

"Why should I be?" Jessie replied.

"He is your boyfriend," Lena said.

"Yeah true, but nobody can help it when they get crushes. I'd only get mad if you acted on it," Jessie said.

Jessie's Sin Points: -10

So much for mature being boring, ey Jessie.

Like everything, it only lasts for so long

"Oh yeah, what about The Resurrection?" Jessie asked.

"Ohno, I want to forget about that. That was so embarrassing," Lena replied.

Jessie's Sin Points: +1 oops

"Don't tell him about this. First you, then Tani, now me, not to mention the odd few guest stars. He'll start thinking that he's a chick magnet," Lena said.

bwahahahaha *wipes tear from eye* See, nothing to worry about Jess, Lena clearly doesn't fully know him yet.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed. Just remember that the only one that'll be worried if he starts thinking he's a chick magnet is me," Jessie said.

truetrue

"Well, we'd better go on that damn mission. This episode is long enough already, and we haven't even got to the best parts," Jessie said.

THAT'S A LIE, ONE OF THE BEST PARTS JUST HAPPENED

THE REST ARE SPOILER FORESHADOWY AND THEY'RE YUMMY...iswear ididn't put much coffee in this time

As stated, the plot continues... and to be fair, this Lena stuff is a part of the plot, it wasn't my usual go off topic scene.

Hang on, gotta complain about something

"It's no use, they've got us. Well done mum," Kiara said.

"That's it, what have I told you about confusing everybody since True Q hasn't been uploaded yet?" Lena asked.

"I know, I know, don't give any hints to what happened," Kiara muttered.

g%ye^ru&8U57IYHT847Y4R£^"£$%&$^

AAAH MUCH BETTER

"I'm not in charge, so what?" Lena muttered.

"Look, get it into your thick skull, you are in charge!" Kiara exclaimed.

For once, siding with Lena. Yep she's the senior out of the kids, but James is the highest rank here.

"Yeah, and mum's don't hand their kid over to their own parents when the going gets tough," Kiara muttered.

OHSNAPSON

bitharsh though considering the circumstances, conflict!

As everyone expected the shuttle team get kidnapped too.

"My name is Kyol, and this is Cerena. Our father runs the YWF, the reason why we brought you here was because we need some more fighters," the man said.

OMG NO, KYLO REN'S IN THIS? GO JAMES, GARBAGE TAKE OUT-ETH THE CREEPER, I COMMAND YOU....oh Kyol, oh written in 2001. SHUT UP

"And also we need some more lasses to hang around outside the ring, waiting for a chance to trip the other side up, or attract the male audience," Kyol said.

Sexist Crap Count: 1

Though does it count if I'm taking the pee out of it????

"No, you just pop in every now and then, to show off them, er implants of yours," Kyol said. Cerena pouted.

Meh, THAT DOES

 "What will you do if we say no?" Naomi asked.

"Then we'll dump you on an uninhabited planet with the other wimps who wouldn't fight. If you say yes, we will get you food and a good place to stay. We spoil our fighters," Kyol replied.

So "uninhabited"

"No, but she'll be happy if it was just you who was captured," Kiara said.

"Just wait until we're alone, and I'll rip you apart," Lena muttered.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 1

"Who do you think we should make fight first?" Kyol asked.

"A Borg, if there's any," Cerena said.

"Good idea. Are any of you ex drones?" Kyol asked.

lol, forgotten about Annika as soon as Lena's on board. It never gets old

"Nah, the last female drone who fought had to go to our doctor to get treated for broken bones. Actually I think she's still there," Kyol said.

AAAAW, MY POOR ANNIKA DIES COUNTER *SOBS*

"Are either of those lads Borg?" Cerena asked.

"He is," Bryan blurted out.

"Oh thanks a lot," James muttered.

I'm disappoint. James has been in character all episode, I should've known he'd not keep that up.

"You're a Slayer, you'll be fine," Jessie said quietly.

GEE THANKS JESS I TOTALLY FORGOT

g54e7^*&$^&*^&*%^FREG

"Get one of those lasses to go out at the same time as him. More guys will watch then," Kyol said.

ALREADY BORED, COME ON, RESISTANCE ISN'T GOING TO UNTHRONE ITSELF

Man out of You: *evil laugh*

You know it sounds like I want Resistance to be demoted to 2 or 3. I don't. I'm just very curious since it hasn't been beaten yet and I thought it might've been by now, like by Resurrection or Curse.

"She means you both have implants," Kiara whispered.

"My actress does, but not me personally, and I think this lass went way over the top with hers," Lena said.

Sexist Crap Count: 2

GOODLORD and this is 17 years before my obsession turned into hatred. Sheessh. Yesh I'm mad at Lena's "actress" but not enough to point and laugh "lol boob job". crimeny. FAIR'S FAIR, I'm not 16 anymore. ho hum

Finally with that implant chat over it's time for the fights to begin

ROUND ONE
TOTALLY NOT THE ROCK & STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN versus JAMES & LENA

Only it's a tag team match, so James and the Steve Austin clone are up first. The bin seems to be empty, so James has trouble taking it out. Or past me wanted to do one or both of the following:

a) weaken James so Lena looks better in her bout

b) make the fights a little tense, so .... lol I couldn't finish that one

the real b) weaken James so readers still think he's the cowardly baby from S1

or as I later read

 "You two aren't worthy of the YWF. You'd better quit before that girl gets snapped in half," Girnan sneered.

"What did he say about me?" Lena said.

She didn't get an answer. Girnan got smacked in the face

c) James can only enter OFFSCREEN BADASS mode when somebody talks s$$$ about Jessie and now Lena.

hmm, tis a mystery

She didn't get an answer. Girnan got smacked in the face, he stumbled backwards and accidentally stood on Lena's hand. She quickly climbed into the ring. She started beating Girnan up.

"How dare you stand on my hand!" Lena yelled as she threw Girnan onto the ground. She and James continued beating Girnan up.

Seems like it's a mixture of a and c. James needs Lena to win this fight, and yeh he doesn't give a s$$$ until the bad mouthing. Sigh.

Which reminds me of one of two of the problems I wanted to address in the reboot. The second one will come up near the end. The first one though I thought why would people like Lena and James actually listen to these pillocks running the fight club. Especially in that later round that second problem happens in. The only threat is "lol we'll dump you on some planet". Personally, I'd do nothing to get that so called punishment. Voyager would have an easier job rescuing them.

So yeah reboot version needs to do something to make them fight, like Tsunkatse did. It also needs to redeem that blasted last fight scene, sigh, but we'll get there.

Back on topic, since Lena pretty much did exactly what I thought didn't happen in the original (break the fight club's rules), The totally not the Rock enters the fray and...

The Stone climbed into the ring, and he helped Lena and James beat up Girnan. Lena and the Stone stepped back.

"Go on, you hold him down," The Stone said.

James knelt down, and held Girnan down. The referee counted up to three, and everyone cheered.

PFFTHAHAHAHA

I'M NOT LAUGHING COS IT'S LEGITIMATELY FUNNY, IE LAUGHING AT THE ACTUAL SO CALLED JOKE. I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE THIS IS ANOTHER BLOODY HELP JAMES OUT MOMENT. WE GET IT PAST MARILL, YOU'RE NOT READY TO "UPGRADE" HIM YET, GIGGLESNORT.

The next round is even funnier. BELIEVE ME

ROUND TWO:
ONE OF THE HARDY BOYS verses THE ONE YEAR OLD KID THAT LOOKS LIKE A TEEN BOY

In their *snicker* defence, the organisers don't know this. I do, the awayteam do. no one objects.

Kiara and a girl that looked like Lita watched as the guy beat the crap out of Bryan.

And FV sinks lower than the Titanic.

Bryan didn't exist in Season One, unless you count the last few episodes his mother was PREGNANT WITH HIM. FFS am I supposed to laugh at the one year old getting beaten up by two wrestlers

"I agree, that girl who helped fight Girnan earlier was brilliant. We'll team her up with an eye catcher," Kyol said.

"He means me," Naomi said as she blushed.

I'M TOO MAD TO LAUGH

I knew it was sorta coming but didn't expect the details

"Yeah right, but I suppose anything can be an eye catcher compared to Lena," Kiara said.

"I really really want to tear you apart," Lena muttered.

So much being alright

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 2

But thankfully these child abusing captors don't mean any of the kids, the next round may actually be funnier.

 "The eye catcher isn't here, she's just come out of hospital," Kyol said. Annika walked in.

"You!" she growled.

ANNIKA DIES COUNT ON STANDBY

"By the way, the matches rules are quite complex. One team has to kill one of the other team members," Kyol said.

I REPEAT ANNIKA DIES COUNT ON STANDBY, IT'S HAPPENING

I love how the "btw one side dies" is the complex rule

ROUND THREE
SOME WOMAN AND YES IT'S THE ROCK, GOD! versus ANNIKA AND LENA

PokéBall's version of Barbie Girl started playing, as Annika and Lena came onto the walkway.

*twitch*

Annika strode down the walkway, all the lads were hooting at her. All the lasses were booing at her. Lena looked at her in distaste. She shrugged her shoulders, and she went down the walkway copying off Annika's strode.

Less of the guys hooted at her, but more of the lasses were cheering for her.

meh

As soon as the bell went off The Stone started beating Annika up.

Lena pulled out popcorn and she started stuffing her face. Annika put her hand out so Lena would tag it. Lena put some popcorn in her hand.

The Stone rock bottomed Annika. And he elbowed her hard in the stomach. He continued punching her in the face.

"Oh, this is not very entertaining," Lena muttered. She picked up the commentator's table and she threw it onto the ring. The Stone picked it up and he started hitting Annika with it.

haha you thought she was developing a conscience... more fool you

Annika Dies Count: 1

"This show is getting better and better. I think that James and Jessie can fight Steve and Ashley. A full Borg/Human match," Kyol said.

Ohnoes, not thee Steve and Ashley, THE HORROR

but seriously..... thee Steve and Ashley, THE HORROR

More on them in the next one *shudder*

Though they're up against James and Jessie? How do they live until the next episode? (omgspoilers). I assume they both know to avoid going near Jessie and/or she's skiving in the bogs.

Anyways, James refuses to fight. Jessie isn't keen either. That may be the answer right there. But Kylo Ren insists James still has to, so TOUGH, Steve and Ashley should hopefully die before they cause any unintended controversy

ROUND FOUR
TOTALLY JUST THE HARDY BOYS, NOTHING MORE versus JAMES AND JESSIE

James and Jessie came onto the walkway. They went down to the ring.

"And now, their opponent is.... Kyol!" the commentator yelled. The audience booed him as he came onto the walkway and went into the ring.

Um, well... this is awkward. I skipped by accidentally, but Kyol decided he wanted to fight solo against both of them. Lets hope for his sake James goes first. He has three movies in the future to star in.

ROUND FOUR
KYLO REN MINUS HIS FORCE POWERS POSSIBLY versus JAMES AND JESSIE

And as thought, James goes up first and "surprisingly" does badly.

But then Kyol makes a fatal mistake as if on purpose. I know your game

Kyol went up to the side of the ring, and he knocked Jessie to the ground. James then grabbed onto Kyol's arm, and literally threw him to the other side of the ring.

Boy Ren does love his ratings more than himself, gotta respect that

He went over to Kyol, and he tried to pin him down. The referee counted up to two, but Kyol got out of it just barely.

Kyol didn't get back onto his feet, so James kept kicking him, just for the fun of it.

Just... for... the fun of it?

Wtf James

I don't like Kylo Ren either but I thought this was cos he intentionally smacked Jessie to provoke you.

Cerena ran down the walkway, and she attacked Jessie from behind.

GOD DAMN, THE SEASON TWO CURSE STRIKES AGAIN

poor Jessie

Lena came onto the walkway, and she came down and attacked Cerena. The three girls got into a cat fight, a more vicious one than usual. Kyol was eventually pinned down.

GROAN

one of the fighters is a Slayer, the other is Jessie even with her curse. But no CAT FIGHT

Sexist Crap Count: 3

James wins the match, for fun I suppose. Lena gets annoyed that for a second time he gets the credit and...

Lena took a tight hold of Cerena, and she threw her across into the audience. She and Jessie then walked back up the walkway.

"How could you throw my sister like that!" Kyol snapped.

"Simple, I picked her up and threw her," Lena replied.

Oh come on, you don't have a sister Kylo. Though if it turns out that she is actually a sister/cousin in the third one, I'll laugh my ass off in the cinema. Star Wars was doing incest before it was cool, and so was FV lawl

"This is not the end. Your sister, and my sister will fight," Kyol said.

"I don't have a sister," Lena muttered.

"That girl sure looks like your sister, so she's going up against Cerena, after she's recovered," Kyol said and he stormed out.

oh dear

"I feel like I've accomplished something today," Lena muttered. Kiara glared angrily at her.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 3

Yes, here it is. The more infuriating than kids getting beaten up by wrestlers round is here.

And it only gets fricking worse, BELIEVE ME

ROUND FIVE
THE DAUGHTER WRESTLER OF THE WWE OWNER versus LITTLE KIARA, YOU KNOW THE KID

I'm not even gonna bother. Cerena hits her, grabs her hair, and throws her across the ring, LIGHTLY.

"You know Kiara, you could of used your powers to defeat Cerena," Lena said.

Oh, maybe she does care after all. It's a start???

"But you told me to not give away anything from True Q," Kiara said.

"Oh yeah, what a shame. That means that you can't use them to heal yourself either," Lena muttered, and she grinned at Kiara.

Kyol rushed into the room, followed by Cerena. "Our ratings are dropping, we need a blonde bimbo and fast," he said in a panicky tone.

Stop quoting the Voyager producers pre-Season Four, Kyol.

"According to our statistics, somebody called Sarah Michelle Gellar is popular among men," Kyol said.

Yep, you guessed it. It's another kid's turn to be beaten. BUT IT'S OKAY, SHE'S K'TARIAN, SHE'S NOT REALLY 6/7 OR WHATEVER THE HELL SHE IS. she's all grown up ya know

Fortunately we don't "see" this one, only the aftermath. My relief is short lived though.

"We've got three matches until this show ends. That means we've got to put the biggies on. The 4 against 4 tag match, another death match, and the tag team death match," Kyol said.

"No wonder you keep running out of fighters," Jessie said.

bwahahaha

she'srightyouknow

Long story an incy bit shorter; the totally not important Steve and Ashley, The Rock and the ??? one who smacked Naomi around just before, versus James, Jessie, Lena and Bryan??

SIGGGGGGH this is gonna drag YWF down

MEANWHILE ON VOYAGER

B'Elanna walked through the main door and she walked over to where Tom was sitting. He was watching his old looking TV, it showed the alien YWF arena.

"How long have you had it on?" B'Elanna asked.

"A few seconds, I don't know what's going on yet," Tom replied.

Oh you!

"B'Elanna, that's our Bryan," Tom muttered.

"What the hell are they doing there!?" B'Elanna yelled. She tapped her commbadge. "Torres to Bridge."

Welp, no one thought to check in on the rescue awayteam?

"A shuttle might be able to sneak towards the ship when a fight is going on. They will be distracted by it. If I take a shuttle over, I might be able to beam the away team out," Tuvok said.

"They'll have shields, how will you get past them?" Chakotay asked.

"Don't worry, Commander, I have a way of getting past them," Tuvok replied.

0_0 TUVOK TO THE RESCUE? WHAT SHOW IS THIS?

Meanwhile...
A Nut House, aka Marill's House:

[presses delete key] oops my finger slipped

"The rules are simple. Each member of the first team will fight a member of the second team. Whoever stays on the ground for three seconds loses the round. Whichever team wins three rounds, wins the match!" the commentator yelled.

Sounds pretty much the same as the others. Okay, so we can get away without using Bryan, right?

Lena was the first to go into the ring. The lad went into the ring to face her.

"It's been a while," he said.

"Ashley? What are you and your brother doing here?" Lena said questioningly.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

saveitfornext"week"

"Maybe Steve should get up here, I don't want to fight you Morgan," Ashley said. James and Jessie cringed when Ashley said Morgan.

Yes, get Stev-ay up on the stage, I dare you

He quickly regained balance. He took a hold of Lena's arm. He swung his arm to the right, at the same time he let go of Lena's arm. She used the side of the ring to pull herself back onto her feet.

Meanwhile Ashley was climbing on to the corner of the ring. Lena literally threw him off, and he landed, with a large thud, onto the ring floor. The referee counted up to three, and the bell went off.

hmm, notbad

The referee went over to the second team, and he picked out the Stone. The Stone climbed into the arena, looking as tough as ever. The referee went over to the second team. He pointed his finger at James.

lol

Okay, it didn't say that the fighters would be chosen by the ref till now. Right?

"I'm not fighting him," James moaned as he looked into the ring. The Stone was obviously more than twice his size.

I can't say I blame him here. The Rock's a big dude

The referee shook his head. "Then, it's either the other girl, or that younger lad," he said.

Jessie shook her head quickly. "If you can't fight him, I can't," she said.

excuse me Jessie?

I mean sure, James has a better chance of beating this guy than her, but this is totally OOC for her to say. Mean!

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

"Just go, Bryan will most definitely lose, and Jessie, well she's just as cowardly as you are," Lena said.

AH, Lena's her charming herself as usual, how can you argue?

"Oh fine. If you do a bet on how long I'll be in hospital, put me down for two weeks," James said.

Aaaw bless him, he thinks he's gonna lose

Tom was in hysterics as he watched the TV screen. B'Elanna was just sitting on the sofa looking rather worried.

"He has to fight that big guy, he's going to get creamed," Tom laughed.

Yeh yeah I know he doesn't like James, fair enough. But if James loses, his son will have to fight eventually. If he wins, and Jessie does too, he gets out of this fight-free. So yeah, piece of s%%%%

Duncan came in to the main room, and he jumped onto B'Elanna's knee holding a bar of chocolate. He pointed at the TV screen, and he looked up at B'Elanna.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

like his dad, Duncan's too good for this series, BLESS

"This I gotta record," Tom said.

"Sometimes you can be really sick, you know that Tom?" B'Elanna said.

It could be worse. This could be the death match. Look forward to that!

Lena, Bryan and Jessie looked on as the Stone did all his actor's moves on James (well, all except two).

Sheesh, James lost that Badasses Off Screen talent sometime ago, didn't he? How long has it been? Rock should be down and in the hospital by now

I'm getting really tired of this James does either really poorly or nothing, and gets beaten by every schmuck he fights until they threaten and/or hurt the two women in his life. Yup once, fine, but everytime, that s£££'s getting marked.

"That's gotta hurt," Bryan muttered. Jessie smacked Bryan in the face.

"Will you shut up!" she yelled angrily.

UM

She loses a point for giving a s$$$ about James, but gains 5 for smacking a kid. Even Lena's judging her for that.

Jessie's Sin Points: +4

The Stone turned to face the audience, as the referee started counting up to three.

"Battle is over, I'll turn back to Normal Mode," the Stone said.

Ho yeh, I hadn't forgotten this.

Quick trivia: The Stone's gimmick is a rip off of the Star Trek parody sketch SMTV 2099. If you read Resistance's review you may have heard of it already.

He pulled out a remote from nowhere in particular, and he pressed a button. Some guy ran up to the ring and handed him some black clothes and sunglasses. He quickly slipped them over his wrestling trunks. He slipped the sunglasses on. He smiled sweetly at the audience, and all the lasses in the audience swooned.

*snigger*

"You idiot, the fight's not over, he just counted up to two," Viria yelled from across the ring.

"Ooops, not again," the Stone muttered. He turned around quickly, but he got hit in the face. He collapsed onto the ground. The referee counted up to three.

SEE, this is what I'm talking about. Sure Stone/Rock's a tough dude etc, but James the f$$$$$ Slayer only had to hit him once to beat him. So why didn't he until now? SIGH

at least he was defending himself this time

"My god, how did he do that?" Lena asked.

*grinds teeth*

"What's going on?" Jessie asked. Lena took a hold of her by the shoulders, and she turned her around to face the ring again.

"He won," Lena replied.

OMGAWD NO WAY

"It appears the Stone has lost again due to changing into Normal Mode too early. His Normal Mode just couldn't take in a hit!" the commentator yelled.

Brb, I'm going to go scream at a wall

Back with a question, so you understand why this angers me.

Do you see this exact scene playing out with Lena in James' place?

If your answer is anything but HAHA YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT, HELL NO, then we're new here, aren't we? Hiya

"How come you managed to knock a guy that big onto the ground?" Lena asked.

"I don't know," James replied.

GEE LET ME THINK, DON'T MAKE ME RECAP SOME S$$$ AGAIN

"Maybe he's one of those cyborg guys from 'Resistance'," Bryan said.

Ok I'll forgive you Bryan since you were a baby at the time, but ahem, we remember Resistance right? The "cyborg" guy of the episode was knocked out with his (metal) face literally broken, then dragged off into a glass table like the garbage he is. But 11 episodes, 1 special and 1 "movie" later, James can only KO them when they're... what, distracted, in a good mood, what? SOMEBODY TELL ME

Tom and B'Elanna were still in shock as they watched the TV screen. Duncan was still sitting on B'Elanna's knee, clapping his chocolate covered hands really fast.

omg Duncan, so cute

See, he isn't surprised. Tom and B'Elanna are too, and I'm starting to think the whole "nobody remembers James can actually kick ass, including him, because of some magic amnesia" was canon all along.

Anyways, it's up to Jessie to prevent Bryan from having to take part. Lets see how she does.

Jessie and Viria were in the ring, the bell thing was about to go off when everyone started booing for some reason. Everyone turned their heads and they saw Kyol standing on the walkway with a microphone.

Yeh, I'd boo him too. What a big baby. WAH MY UNCLE THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING ME ONCE, DIE DAD DIE........ ahem spoilers??

Kyol has decided to crash his own ratings booster fight to make some speech. Everyone's not impressed, including Lena

"Let me just say, being a telepath in a full stadium can be very annoying at first. They're all thinking more or less different things so it's hard to make out. But now, I can work out what people are thinking. You know why? They're nearly all thinking the same thing," Lena said.

Ho ho ho, oh snap

Lena looked around the audience, she grinned and she turned back to Kyol. "I can hear, Kyol's a big sack of crap. Kyol's all talk. That's the biggest pile of bulls**t I've ever heard. You get the general idea," Lena replied.

That's not thinking the same thing Lena, way to ruin it.

"We've only known each other for a short while. I don't usually get newcomers talking to me like that. Why don't you tell me what people think of this," Kyol said. He went over to the audience, and he took one of the small plastic chairs.

"I can tell you what I'm thinking if you like. I'm thinking, that guy is going to get the pounding of his life if he hits me with that," Lena said.

"I wouldn't do that, I'm all talk, aren't I?" Kyol said questioningly. He dropped the chair onto the ground. "Instead, I challenge you to a death match," he said.

bwahahaha, that sure showed her!!!!!!!!

Two minutes later:
Kyol was lying badly beaten on the walkway. Everyone was cheering incredibly loudly as the Stone passed her a table.

AH, that's where James' Off Screen gimmick went. Damn it Lena, you're Sue enough! Poor James, no wonder he's having a rough time today

She dropped the table on Kyol by accident, everyone gasped.

"Oops, oh well," Lena muttered.

Cerena ran onto the walkway. "Nooooooooooo, you killed my brother!" she screamed in a over dramatic voice.

Sure, like the time when she killed Seven by accident with that chainsaw, or the knife somehow ending up in Makeup Face's forehead. I NEVER FORGET

A guy ran in and passed her a piece of paper, and he ran back out.

"Oh but never mind that, our ratings are higher than they've ever been since I appeared on the show," she said happily.

Ok, I'll admit it, I loled

"It's nearly the end of this week's show, and you know what that means," Cerena said. Everyone but the Voyager crewmembers groaned. "That's right, the ultimate death match," Cerena said.

Naomi reminds her there's been two while I'm thinking there was one promised anyway after the 4v4. *double checks*

"We've got three matches until this show ends. That means we've got to put the biggies on. The 4 against 4 tag match, another death match, and the tag team death match," Kyol said.

Yep, thought so. Some writers interrupting blabber later...

"Anyway, I'm pretty damn sick of Lena, and even more so since she killed my brother. So she's going up in a death match, with a partner of my choice," Cerena said.

Let me guess

"Now to finally explain the point of a few of the scenes before the YWF bits. I'm putting Lena against James, and a partner of my choice," Cerena said.

Oh f$$$ you Cerena, get that fourth wall crap outta here

"Look I didn't write them because of writers block you divvy!" Marill yelled.

"Then why did you, this is turning into a soap opera!" Firera yelled back.

"Because I have to please those Lena/James shippers you divvy!" Marill yelled.

past Marill's getting delusional again, something better happen soon to put her back in her place. *shifty eyes*

some more, A LOT MORE, boring writers twaddle later

Bryan tosses in a zinger not worth quoting, or I'd have to quote more of the scene than I'd like and this happens

"If you kick his brains out, we'll write you into the next movie that's like the Mummy Returns, except with more Scorpion King," Marill said.

"I'm in. Transforming to Kick Ass Mode," the Stone said. He got out the remote, he pressed the button, and he ripped off his clothes, but his wrestling trunks were left on. The show lost a few female viewers in the disappointment. The Stone threw off his sunglasses and he started beating up Bryan.

This is where the Bryan complaint gets bumped up from 2 negative points to 3.

A load of people had crowded into Tom's quarters. A few people had popcorn.

If they didn't, I'd be calling this a dream sequence.

Kathryn and Chakotay walked in. Everyone stopped what they were doing, including a guest star who was picking his nose. They all stared in fear at Kathryn.

"Ensign, take your finger out of your nose," Chakotay said.

The guest star did as he was told. "Yes sir," he muttered. He looked at his finger, and he wiped it on a guy in front of him.

Random. I smirked though.

"But isn't anybody trying to save our awayteam?" B'Elanna asked.

"Tuvok's working on it," Chakotay replied.

Meanwhile, on another Delta Flyer:
"Why do I get lumbered into doing these things on my own," Tuvok muttered to himself as he worked at a console.

Because it was your idea? and you didn't say what it was

"To end the show we have the usual death match. Previously Lena killed Kyol, so Cerena is in charge and you get the idea. You just want to see blood, don't ya?" the commentator said.

Everyone cheered in Tom's ear, "YEEEESSSS!"

hahaha deserved

"You know the rules, the team that wins is the one that kills the other team. Any objects are allowed, including chain-saws," the commentator said.

"Chain-saws?" Emma said in her usual childish tone. Everyone felt nervous.

I'd like to remind you that while James and Lena were picked to oppose each other, their partners weren't revealed. Well, who you ask is teaming up with these two, and who's gonna win? Obviously Lena, James has a death count and a losing streak, while she has his off screen gimmick and the Sueness

PLACE YOUR BETS

"Lets bring on the first team, Kiara and the Barbie Girl Lena!" the commentator yelled.

Everyone but the main cast cheered.

Well, at least Lena and Kiara aren't on opposite sides..........

Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok, you'd better rescue them fast, Lena and Kiara are going into a death match!" she yelled.

In: "Aye Captain, things are going ok."

"How ok?" Chakotay asked.

In: "Well the shuttlebay doors are opening without the usual squeaking."

"Oh for god's sake!" Kathryn exclaimed, she tapped her commbadge hard. "Ow, I wish I would stop doing that," she muttered and she sat down slowly.

This dialogue feels too good and funny to be old FV. I'm sensing a rip off.

Since it doesn't read familiar, I'll give credit.

"Fighting against them is the Team Rocket duo, gotta love their new title...."

NO WE DON'T

I DON'T LIKE IT#

"That's right, it's James and Jessie!" the commentator yelled.

Kathryn started headbutting the wall.

But why???? What's she worried about? It's her kid and grandkid versus the Slayer who keeps forgetting he is one and constantly loses, with his bad luck fodder girlfriend. What's the problem?

"What am I worried about, Lena will not get killed by those two," Kathryn said.

I said it first, and better

"Captain, just think, this is going to be the most boring death match ever. Jessie and James are wimps, they won't touch Lena or Kiara. Lena probably won't hurt them either, and Kiara well that's a different story," Tom said.

He may be a piece of s$$$ who's gonna have a wail of a time in the next episode, but he's gotta point. Except for the Kiara part.

"Yeah right. Who's bets are on Lena winning on her own?" Tom asked. Nearly everyone handed him some replicator rations.

Forget it, still a piece of s****

(I'd like to bet a tenner)

"Round One, Kiara versus Jessie. No one leaves or enters the ring until one of you is dead!" the commentator yelled.

RIP Jessie, she hasn't died in a while

"Wanna do bets?" Lena asked.

"What do you expect me to say? Your daughter and my girlfriend is fighting to the death," James replied.

"I said wanna do bets?" Lena asked more forcefully.

I laughed, and now I feel bad

PS

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 4

"Ha, I bet that Voyager's going to beam us up just before a death," Lena said. Her smile quickly faded. "That means, Kiara won't kick the bucket. It's not fair," Lena muttered.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 5

Poor Kiara

Kiara thought, "ok, I'm just going to forget about that stupid thing Lena told me. To hell with the readers, if the writers won't upload True Q it's there fault not mine. I'm going to use my Q powers whether anyone likes it or not."

I swear, I swear True Q was online in some fashion... even if it were incomplete. Somebody nab a time machine and check for me, I'll pay you

Kiara clicked her fingers behind her back.

"Oh crap, what's she doing?" Lena said.

"I dunno, it's the first few seconds and it's already looking bad," James said.

Eventually the two girls started fighting. Kiara somehow managed to throw Jessie to the ground hard.

Oh darn, the kid won't die. Oh darn. I'm not keen on Jessie offing it, but like James it doesn't tend to last. So no problem

"Why do you care, you betted that I would die here, I'll show you," Kiara said in an angry voice.

Jessie: I'm the only one here who didn't do anything

Bryan: Ahem!

Jessie: ok, fair enough

More referees had to come out to stop Lena and James from going into the ring.

and they manage too

"Thinking, thinking. I need a weapon that's not painful," Kiara muttered to herself. She clicked her fingers to make a lightbulb appear at the top of her head. It disappeared and she clicked her fingers again.

heh, that's pretty cute but this whole fight is iffy

Crap, being half Q has it's problems, I can't do a jar of drugs for some reason," she muttered. She clicked her fingers again, a hypospray appeared in her hand.

She slowly knelt down.

Huh? Drugs didn't appear but a hypo did? Wtf is in that?

"Sorry, but at least it's not a knife or a chain-saw," Kiara muttered as she pushed the hypospray into Jessie's neck. In a few seconds she went out of consciousness. A referee came into the ring. He checked Jessie's pulse. He nodded at the commentator.

"Round one goes to Kiara!" he yelled.

Psst James, someone else has stolen one of your counters. I might have to bring that OOC one back if this keeps up

"Good going, Kia. You could of just went down a little easier with Jessie, but now you've got to fight the result," Lena said. Kiara seemed puzzled as she looked at Lena.

OH BOY, HERE IT IS, MY FAVOURITE PART OF YWF

"Round two, the winner versus James!" the commentator yelled as the referee took Jessie's lifeless body off the ring.

"Now this I gotta see," Tom said. Kathryn punched Tom in the face.

"How dare you!" she screamed.

150% deserved

"Calm down, Kathryn. She has Q powers, they can protect her even against a Slayer...." Chakotay said.

"Powers are hereby banned from this round since it's too boring to use them, now let the round begin!" the commentator yelled.

Kiara: I'm not allowed, oh well that changes everything. I had a good long life

"....who's generally p****d off because she killed his best friend, in a match where she's not allowed to use her powers. She's in trouble," Chakotay said. Kathryn punched him in the face instead.

Also deserved

We'd like to think James has his lines when it comes to homicidal revenge. At least I do...

"Now then, you know you won't hurt me. You're a nice guy, who doesn't like to hurt anyone, especially girls," Kiara said quietly. James just stared angrily at her. "Right?" Kiara stuttered.

"That's usually the story, but you killed my best friend," James said. It was Kiara's time to stare, dumbfounded. "Right?"

That's not usually the story. The whole episode begs to differ. This is the part where you prove you are a nice guy, or at least someone who doesn't kill kids. Capiche???

Lena covered her eyes, and turned around.

"I can't watch this," she muttered.

0_0 Lena does care!!?

not enough to stop it but it's a start..........

"Er... maybe we should watch this in another room," B'Elanna muttered.

"Another room? I want to be a few thousand lightyears away from her right now," Harry said quietly.

Don't we all

"Go where you want, cos I can't see for your head," Tom said.

"I'll just describe what's happening to you. Imagine that you've just called Jessie the biggest cow that's ever lived, which is fat, smelly, and worst of all the ugliest one that's ever lived," Harry said.

"I'm getting the picture, but Jessie's dead, I thought James was fighting now," Tom said.

Back in the Arena:
Lena gazed in shock as she saw the referee checking Kiara as she lay on top of a smashed table.

Ooooph, what a terrible time to reclaim the off screen gimmick

It's off screen but there's nothing badass about this. No point, at least not for that

James Kill Count: 1

"I... can't... believe.... you... did... that...," Lena stuttered. She turned towards James who was looking more shocked than she was.

I hope all James did was stick his foot out, or step to one side, as she ran at him.

No I don't remember, don't ask

"Listen, that earlier match is going to make this a lot easier for me, but it's still not going to be easy," Lena said.

See, does care

"Whatever, I'm just generally p*****d off now. Kiara is mine to beat up, not yours," Lena said.

SIGH

Does it count if she's dead? Yes

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 6

Lena just rolled her eyes in response. "I know you beat up Kiara because you were angry, but I don't care. No one uses my punch bag."

"Lena, she's your daughter," James said.

Normally I'd be like hell yeah James, you tell her, but you... ohgod I hate this part

"Fight, fight, fight!" some people chanted. Kathryn punched them all in the face.

"Come on Lena, enough chat. Squash that bug," Tom said. Kathryn punched him in the face again. "But I was cheering Lena on," he moaned.

"I don't care," Kathryn muttered.

"Do you mind!" Lena yelled at the audience. Most of them shut up. "Ok, I'm going to prove my dad wrong. I'm going to fight."

Back on Voyager:
"Where did Chakotay go?" Kathryn asked as she looked around the room.

"He looked rather pale, so I let him use the bathroom," Tom replied.

Stop, I can only take so many hints before I get full

"What's wrong with you?" Kathryn asked.

"I'm not telling, I don't want anymore punchups," Chakotay replied.

Yep, super awkward

"Easy Captain, I brought together all the TV programs that attracted sleazy male teens, like Baywatch and Star Trek Voyager. I used the antenna on the flyer to send them over to the YWF's channel," Tuvok said.

In: "What good will that do?"

"It was the only idea I could think of that would get the viewers and the YWF's producers to be distracted," Tuvok replied.

GENIUS

TUVOK'S THE MAN

This plan works, the awayteam are rescued before we assume anything happened between Lena and James. Though with him, it's not a guarantee

The same man ran in. "Cerena, a Borg ship is responding to our lure signal," he said.

"It better be a collective ship this time, those Resistance people are rather nasty," Cerena said.

The Delta Flyer flew away from the alien ship as a Borg ship loomed over it. It fired two torpedo's and the alien ship blew up.

"Hey, what are these three doing here?" Lena asked. Steve, Ashley and the Stone were standing next to her looking rather confused.

"I beamed up everyone who had human DNA in them because the transporters couldn't get precise readings," Tuvok replied.

"I knew Ashley and Steve were human, but what the hell is the Stone doing here?" Naomi asked.

"Hey, when I'm in my Normal Human Mode, my name is Mick," the Stone said and he folded his arms.

oh yey, we have new crewmembers. Oh don't worry, I doubt we'll see any of them again *sobs*

The shuttle shook. "That Borg ship is attacking us, but I've got a plan," Tuvok said.

"Does it involve losing another Delta Flyer?" Lena asked.

"Yes," Tuvok replied.

Tuvok's the hero we never need. 

*bows*

"We're about to lose another Delta Flyer," Tom replied.

"Good, Chakotay you know what to do," Kathryn said.

Chakotay put his finger on the reset button and he waited.

Ah, I was wondering why Tom was so calm about this

"The Flyer has been captured," Harry said.

On the viewscreen the Borg ship blew up.

Well that was pointless

"You know, I still didn't get to prove to my dad he was wrong," Lena said.

"Don't worry Lena, you still can, that's if he is wrong. You did take an awful long time to attack him," Jessie said.

Well yeah Jess, but you gotta understand. He killed Kiara, so she was fighting the urge to forcekiss him again. But she knew everyone were watching. dilemma dilemma

"That's because I was waiting for him to make the first move, that's all!" Lena yelled.

"Can someone tell me, what did her dad say?" James asked. Lena and Jessie exchanged nervous looks.

Wait whut, James was there all along

and sure you were, Lena, sure you were

"Hi, I just came over to apologise for what I did in the YWF. Lets face it, if I didn't beat you, you would of beat me," Kiara said.

"Yep, I suppose so. I'm not really mad at you actually," Jessie said.

That... could've been worse *cringe*

"Cool, now I'm going to wait for my apology," Kiara said, and she looked towards James. He looked up at her innocently.

"What?" he muttered.

"Aren't you going to apologise for throwing me into that table?" Kiara snapped.

AND NOW WE KNOW, OH JOY

"I've never apologised to Tom after I beat him up after he just insulted Jess and me. Do you really I'm going to apologise to a girl who beat Jess in a death match by cheating?" James asked.

Brb, my wall needs another screaming at

Kiara cheated sure, but she's just a kid. For the love of god, I'm gonna

I've edited it, the many mistakes weren't helping, but he's still an absolute

for this

"She apologised to me though," Jessie said.

"She cheated, Jess, don't you care?" James asked.

"Of course I care, but it's over now," Jessie replied.

Jessie, for being the only decent one... in at least a few scenes, here a pressie for you

Jessie's Sin Points: -2

"Half" of the points I gave you for hitting Bryan revoked, use them wisely

"We haven't shown the others the My oh My video," Lena replied.

Oh look the episode's over!!!!!! lets score this...

The video ended with James' dad trying to chat up Jessie. She gets disgusted and leaves him alone. Lena and Craig are sitting with James' brother and sister by the fire. Jessie sits next to James, who's on his own. The screen fades out with the pair just about to kiss.

"Ew, were those two going to kiss?" Kiara asked.

-snip-

Lena grinned. "I did it," she muttered. She walked over to Chakotay. "See, if I fancied him, I'd be jealous right now," she said. Chakotay rolled his eyes.

I hate it when these videos sorta have a plot point to them. That's all you're getting Why oh Why rip off. ahem

Will more episodes turn out longer than Disconnected?

no

Will Marill and co ever keep to their average episode sizes

yes

Will we stop getting more regular guest stars?

yes

Was Chakotay right about Lena, if so will Lena ever believe him?

Oh erm... well you see, erm... look over there, it's Data

When the hell will True Q get uploaded, and how many people are getting confused about Lena and Kiara because of it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 98 (1177)

Sexist Crap Count: 3 (55)

Jessie's Sin Points: earned 7, lost 15 (10)

Lena the Sue Count: 0 (31)

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 6 (11)

Annika Dies Count: 1 (10)

James Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 1 (3) :(

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0 (16) I'm sorry, I can't

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 1 (50)

Just A Little Bit More: I forgot to keep track but I remember there were quite a lot. I'll say 5 for the time being. (37)

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 1 (23) stop sending your granddaughter on dangerous missions ffs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

1) Barbie Girl opening AND it's used for Lena and Annika's theme music. I swear this was the only song of theirs that I hated, why is it used the most?

2) James and Jessie's cute little bedroom scene is denied the s$$$ out of in the same scene. They've moved in together, but OMG NO, THERE WAS NO DOING STUFF

3) LOL BOOB JOBS *points and laughs* harf$$$$har

4) Lol Bryan, the one year old baby who was aged to something like 16 in body only, is getting beaten up by two wrestlers. and later beaten up cos Marill says so. GOOD STUFF (3)

5) I dunno what the first round was doing. Was James only losing because he was refusing to humour his captors, or did I not want him to do well? Somebody help. If it's the former, I'd redact this. I'll re-read and get back to you. BEFORE I SCORE THIS EPISODE, PROMISE

Edit: Nope, this point is fully deserved. It continues to happen in later rounds. If he was refusing to fight in that 4 on 4 round out of principle, he was putting a kid in danger. So no, he's just a glutton for my punishment.

6) This episode is huge, it could've been a lot better without all the other kids fights. I've already marked Bryan's sure, but we get at least three more. Naomi, Kiara, and involving Bryan again.

7) An episode already huge has "time" for pointless writers intermissions.

8) I knew it was coming and I'm still triggered by it. James beats Kiara at the Deathmatch with one of his signature moves, the table breaker. Allegedly. "For some reason" I trust Kiara's telling the truth. This was terrible enough at this point in the series. Remember that he used to babysit her a lot, and it was pretty cute. But when you consider stuff that's definitely due to happen later, as evidenced by the multiple hints (omgspoilers), it's ten times worse. I'll judge it on its own though and it's still worthy of (2). We know James is better than this. This kinda s$$$ we expect from Lena but not him, the victim of child abuse himself pffffft

9) My oh My before a Why oh Why. I never bothered to come up with my own video ideas, did I?

Sub-total: 12

Positives:

1) Funny and little cute J/J hooking up aftermath scene, about time they started acting like a couple again.

2) The entire comm exchange in J/J's bedroom made me giggle quite a bit.

3) Lena's strength comment between Craig and James is pretty nice insight on her side. It's also at this point in the series spot on.

4) Lena and Jessie's chat about her newly discovered alleged crush on James IS HOW YOU DO A LOVE TRIANGLE, FU. These two have come a long way since their catfight in Upendi. REMEMBER THAT?

5) I'll admit, Lena and Annika's tagteam match was a little funny.

6) So did Cerena quickly getting over her brother's death because the ratings were up.

7) Janeway's call to Tuvok, shuttlebay doors not squeaking, her slapping her boob, that whole exchange distracted me from the crap that's about to happen.

8) Janeway's reaction throughout the deathmatches. How were anybody still conscious at the end of it, I'll never know.

9) There's very little doubt left in me left. YWF is definitely hinting at a later plot development. Man Out Of You wasn't the first, so :P

10) It could've been written so much MUCH better, but I can see what that the almost James versus Lena face off was trying to do. It tried, I'll give it that.

Sub-total: 10

Marill's Rating: 46%

Ah ha, guess what? Despite YWF's many issues, it still managed to storm the charts as I thought it would.

Rankings So Far:

#01 Resistance: 53%
#02 YWF: 46%
#03 Disconnected: 40%
#04 Kiss of Death: 38%
#05 Interactions: 37%
#06 The Resurrection: 36%
#07 True Q: 35%
#08 Cause & Effect: 33%
#09 The Curse of Voyager: 32%
#10 Saturday Night & Precise Timings: 31%
#11 Games Resistance: 29%
#12 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#13 F9: Control Failure: 21%
#14 Halloween: 15%
#15 Dimension Jump: 14%
#16 The Slayers: 12%
#17 The Love Spell: 10%

Resistance is still the Queen of Season Two, and deservedly so. Still many congratulations to YWF, you're the light at the end of the Season Two is pretty bad tunnel. We won't see this again until episode 28, and this is only episode 16. Oh don't worry, it won't be Halloween style terrible for a while yet either.

Stay tuned for drama and controversy, and plenty of why's.