Once upon a time in a land, um only a foot away from where I'm sitting actually, in the ye olde times of September 2001, there was a girl. Let's call her Marrel, shall we? Marrel was a shy, blossoming little weed in life's beautiful rose garden; ignorant of many, many things with as much common sense as a fly trying to go back the way it came through an open window.
Instead of writing an alternate tale of Voyagers where a daughter and a paradox disrupt a story already done before, she found self inserts citing Team Rocket mottos and bobble throwing to be far more "epic". Her biggest sin that doesn't have the word Domination in it was including a villain much like her self insert. It was a brilliant whim, she thought, if you can imagine putting that word and Marrel in the same sentence without laughing. Instead of a villain with a clear motive, albeit a little dull she'd admit, who saw the characters as his enemy, wouldn't it be so self centered to make her his nemesis. Her world, his goal. BRILLIANT, she likely exclaimed or muttered, there is no other way to speak.
It started out well enough, for he was sometimes a funny addition to an otherwise annoying story. Again, if you can use the funny word and not snigger. Him leading an army of rabbits, a classic in the eyes of the many Fifth fans. All one of them. But such mildly amusing but harmless antics can never last forever. She and the characters began to see him as a paper cut on your phone swiping finger. They hated him, he had to die. For Marrel forgot why he was there at all, and how he got there. Like her he was, not something of her peanut mind, real. The character was to be comic relief who saw himself as the next cackling ruler of the universe, but really summoned rabbits with machine guns. How did he end up being suffocated by a screaming venus trap, commanded by a man who enjoyed bobble flicking and killing people in secret in his spare time? What had gone wrong?
This is but a mystery to even Marrel. Back then she never thought, she merely did. No matter. For the character of, lets call him Damon, was to be no more. Let's never speak of him again.
Unless our good friend, master of the off screen world, Jameson wanted to deny he cared about his growing list of murders. "But!" he muttered, "the man who murdered my baby mummy was real bad, Damon too."
OBJECTION, the narrator cries. That was not how it went down, it is time to come clean. Let's try that again.
Unless our good friend, master of the off screen world, Jameson wanted to deny he cared about his growing list of murders. "But!" he muttered, "people like the gay man who murdered my baby mummy and Damon deserved my murder."
Then the story becomes a little fuzzy. Marrel, tired from her bigoted out of character (even for her!) writing, decided to stop for the day. Or she liked the scene so much she scrolled back to it once the story was done, then put down her "pen". Yet another masterpiece, we can all assume she exclaimed.
Unaware or naive as she could be, Marrel did not blink an eye when the true Damon used the same notepad she did.
Days later, the Resistance of the Games was ready to be shown to her loyal fans of zero. "Oh, I wonder if anyone's talking about me. I hope they're not, are. I dunno, oh I'm so self doubty," she muttered. Only instead of the nothing or spam she expected, there was a strangely titled letter waiting for her. Not that this narrator can recall it, only that it chilled the "poor innocent" Marrel to the bone. In it Damon shared his grievances with the unimaginative and pretty awful Marrel. As if it couldn't get any worse for our antag... protag... I don't know, he had shared with her a story of his own. Her other prized bunch of terrible stories; "Kidz Trekking On My Lawn: GET OFF MY" and its characters were vilified, possibly murdered by his own. It has been wiped from all records to share the details with you.
Nevertheless this infuriated Marrel. Betrayed and angry she responded in her usual eloquent manner; $%I'LL£$^£$FF^&*KILL$* 456%"&^YOU$^£*&%*EXCLAIMED^ and she posted it everywhere he could see, he had to see how unpleased she was, completely ignorant to what had gotten into him.
Strangely enough and unknown to her the response pleased Damon, she had fallen into his trap. Everyone will see her for who she is. Although anyone who read Domination of the World and Not Muse already knew. The poor souls.
His reaction enraged Marrel further, she was already plotting her revenge. A story, which she had coincidentally planned to be a crossover with the Trekking On My Lawn, which had a spinoff totally unrelated to Fifth entitled; Not Voyager. But I digress. She'd do what he did to her.
It did nothing to whet her bloodthirsty appetite, and it was of no surprise to anyone with brains that it was not well received. A battle of epic proportions took place between the warring duo. Alas Damon was too clever for Marrel, who was still trying to figure out what bus to get to college. Her home on the web was captured, her mailbox too which meant she missed out on that awesome Viagra deal. Vicious attacks they were, Marrel fought back with everything she could muster; tears and tantrums.
Fortunately a temporary truce was formed after a long war of a few weeks. Terrorist attacks must've put their petty squabble into perspective.
But alas, it wasn't to be. Why oh Why would dear Marrel decide to write a memoir of her feud with her former friend? To start another war? No, for Marrel had finally realised the error of her ways. She knew that her Damon persona was offensive, that she lashed out without thinking. Writing was all she ever could finish, well that and a big pizza the pig, and so Why oh Why was her way of owning up to her mistakes. Yet, her mistake here seemed to be not only sharing it with all of her uno fans, but not clearing Damon of his crimes against her. She knew she had started it with her wrongs, but he had wronged her too.
As even though I write this as a joke, know this, this narrator sometimes uses humour to mask her pain, it's better than novel length rants.
Marrel could never trust him again, her guard was up. Unfortunate though her words proved her instincts correct. The previous war was but a mere bitch slap fight in comparison to the one that erupted from her tale of Why. Its details, still too painful for this narrator to list in a public eye. Scared into silence, Marrel chose to ignore and get on with her life. For many years she continued her favourite past time, more or less, never regretting that decision. Only her actions of the before still plagued her mind, and her home on the web. The story that started it all remained there for the all of one to see, with the Damon name changed. A new character, who evolved into a favourite she couldn't live without now, the irony.
A long time has passed, or is it past, since then. Eons, centuries, sixteen years to be exact. Marrel has grown up, only in body, she is still a fool. However a more learned fool, who now must venture down a painful path and read the one that truly started it all.
INSERT EPIC TITLE REVEAL MUSIC HERE
Marill Re-Reads "Dimension Jump"
Wow, okay I enjoyed writing that far too much. I hope you at least tolerated it.
Now, I'm not done with the special treatment I only save for the truly terrible. Since Dimension Jump was written in anger, I'm gonna review this with the same respect.
LET'S DO THIS
was sitting on her own at a table near the window. She wasn't alone
for long. Craig was suddenly standing beside her table.
"Hiya Morgan!" he loudly said. Morgan nearly jumped a mile.
"Don't do that. I nearly had a heart attack," Morgan said angrily.
I'M LOUDLY SAYING THINGS NOW
you know your mother was a thief?" Craig asked.
"Eh?" Morgan muttered.
"She stole two stars from the sky to make your eyes," Craig said.
THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL, THEY MUST BURN
what Aqua book?" Craig stuttered.
"Don't play dumb, you lent me that book remember? You told me to have a look at the handsome guy in it," Morgan said.
WAKE ME UP WHEN THE FOURTH WALL JOKES ARE JOKES
"You're not in Aqua, bozo, or handsome either," Morgan said.
THAT'S MY GIRL, OHSNAP
"My actor and your actress got married for the second time in August 2001," Craig said. Morgan burst out laughing.
OHMYGOD, THIS HURTS SO MUCH. THEY DIVORCED RECENTLY
THANKS DIMENSION JUMP FOR OPENING UP A DIFFERENT WOUND. NOT PREPARED, FU
I'll make you a deal. If you hide me I'll give you two weeks supply
of Cherry Coke," Claire said.
"Why do you want me to hide you?" Morgan asked.
"Because of him," Claire said and she pointed towards the door. She saw Clive walk into the mess hall. "Hide me!" Claire yelled and she hid under the table.
OH HAVE WE NOT LEARNED EY MAR... MARREL?
OF COURSE NOT, THIS IS DIMENSION JUMP. LETS PISS MORE PEOPLE OFF YAY
"I'm a huge Katie Stuart fan, and Raichu thought it would be a laugh to bring me here," Clive replied.
SCREW THIS, I'M SKIPPING AHEAD
soon as Clive walked through the doors he disappeared in a shimmer
A mysterious place:
Clive appeared in a dark room. All he could see was a dark shadowed person.
OHMYGOD WHAT A NOT TWIST
"Well, it doesn't matter does it, Bobby. Should I start brainwashing him for evil?" a person that was behind the shadowed person said.
WHO THE HELL IS BOBBY
not, the eighth dimension will soon have two leaders," the
shadowed person said.
"Er, that's seventh dimension, sir," the other person said.
"Shut up man!" Bobby yelled in a squeaky voice.
OH OF COURSE BOBBY IS STOLEN, I REMEMBER NOW
how can you brainwash me for evil? I'm already evil," Clive asked.
"That is good, just brainwash him to be on our side," Bobby said.
IS IT COFFEE TIME YET
YES IT'S ALWAYS COFFEE TIME
the second command of the Seventh Dimension, Evil C!" the
"Hey, I like that name. Where did you get it from?" Bobby asked.
"That's his name spelt backwards," the person replied.
Bobby said in an evil voice.
"Er, exactly's the wrong word, you should have used excellent," Evil C said.
L O FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF L
we've spotted Voyager ten lightyears away from our secret base,"
the person said.
"Well, you know the saw," Bobby said.
"Drill," Evil C said.
"Shut up man!" Bobby yelled in his usual way.
WELL I ALREADY HATE EVERYTHING AND WE'RE ONLY A COUPLE SCENES IN, FU BOBBY
Tom stormed onto the Bridge. He looked around and he spotted his prey, then stormed over to the engineering station.
"Is it true!" Tom yelled. Jessie and James looked at him with very worried expressions on their faces.
"About B'Elanna making you two the god parents of our second son!" Tom yelled.
THIS ISN'T SUSPECT AT ALL
"Well she's just told me, I'd be better off having Annika and Neelix as the god parents than you two," Tom said angrily.
WELL OF COURSE HE'S ANGRY
THIS IS ANGRY JUMP
OR DOES DIMENSION ANGRY HAVE A BETTER RING TO IT
DIMENSION FURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUCH BETTER
"No, why should I? I want to know why B'Elanna would want two parasites as god parents to our son!" Tom yelled.
SHOTS FIRED, TAKE COVER
WAIT SON, WTF TOM ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO SPOIL S$$$
"Why would we know why B'Elanna chose us?" Jessie asked as she tried to calm herself down.
"WHY" BULLETS ARE EVERYWHERE, ITS AN OMEN
"Why would we know why B'Elanna chose us?" Jessie asked as she tried to calm herself down.
"Don't give me that, you stupid b**ch!" Tom yelled. Jessie lost control and she stood up.
I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TUVOK'S SCENE, NEELIX HAD THAT S£££ COMING
"Why should I!" Tom and Jessie yelled. Everyone on the Bridge started to crowd around to watch what was going on.
JAMES HAS BEEN ODDLY SILENT
LET ME GUESS, HE'S RECHARGING FOR AN UNWRITTEN SMACKATHON?
"I don't know who you were calling parasites before, you are the parasite. I mean your surname more or less spells parasite," Jessie said.
THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO CLEVER
Tom hit her hard in the face. Everyone nearly fainted in shock.
WTF2 YOU HIT HER FOR THAT INSULT?
"That's for countlessly hitting me for seven years!" Tom yelled.
THAT'S FOR MARILL BEING ANGRY
"Well, her best friends are slayers," Harry said quietly.
MORGAN'S HER BEST FRIEND?
NO WONDER TANI'S PISSED OFF SCREEN AT HER
THEN AGAIN, EVERYONE'S PISSED
"What difference does it make?" Tom asked just seconds before it went blank.
JAMES BADASSES OFF SCREEN FOR OUR SINS: 1
YES, HAD TO
"Don't tell me that little hit in the face gave you amnesia," the Doctor said.
"Little hit is a large exaggeration," Kathryn muttered.
JANEWAY'S A PROUD MAMA
"He's never knocked me unconscious before," Tom said.
"Doctor, will you excuse us, please," Kathryn said calmly. The Doctor nodded and he walked into his office. "Can you explain to me what had got into you before?" Kathryn asked.
MARILL IS ANGRY, MARILL SMASH KEYBOARD, UPLOAD LATER
"No, Bryan's god parents are you and Harry, remember," Tom said.
"That's good. I don't see what the problem is," Kathryn said.
"The problem is them. I hate them, end of story," Tom said.
OH I FORGOT, HATEEEEEEEEEE AND ANGER ARE THE THEMES
CAST YOUR VOTES
"Well, if they're going to be your next son's god parents then you're going to have to stop hating them," Kathryn said. She heard the door open behind Tom, she saw immediately who it was.
"It's not that simple. Jessie's a witch, and James, he's just a b****rd. I find it hard to like people like that," Tom said.
SHE SAW, BUT WE DON'T, YOU KNOW THE DRILL PEOPLE. COPY AND PASTE ON STANDBY... AND TOM'S NOT WRONG, LAWL, FORESHADOWING
"I do mean it. And I mean this too, Jessie's just a slut on legs, Annika is a really nice person compared to her," Tom said. Kathryn looked very worried.
SEXIST CRAP COUNT: 1
YEAH THAT JESSIE'S SUCH A SLUT, ONLY EVER SLEEPING WITH HER EX WHILE UNDER A LOVE SPELL.
GOT TURNED DOWN A FEW YEARS AGO, TOMMY? TALE AS OLD AS TIME:
TOM: I LOVE YOU
TOM: F$$$ YOU, WHORE
"I do mean it, stop saying that. Anyway, as I was saying, Jessie's a f****ng b**ch. And James, is twice as worse. He's like a virus walking around the ship, always causing trouble. I mean, he gets away with murder, nobody else on this ship would get away with it," Tom continued to rant as Kathryn grew even more worried.
NOW SEE, THAT'S A LEGITIMATE COMPLAINT
BUT NO, JESSIE'S A BITCH AND A SLUT FIRST
"No of course not, why do you keep saying that?" Tom asked.
"Look behind you," Kathryn muttered. Tom didn't look worried at all, he turned around to see what Kathryn was worried about.
"Oh hi, I was just talking about you," Tom said politely.
"Doctor! Can you come back in here!" Kathryn yelled. The Doctor walked in.
DOC, COME BACK, JAMES HAS OFF SCREENED AGAIN
JAMES BADASSES OFF SCREEN FOR OUR SINS: 2
"Help me get him onto the bio bed," the Doctor said.
"No, I've touched him enough for one day," James said. The Doctor groaned and he dragged Tom over to the nearest bio bed.
"About time you arrived, sit down," Kathryn said harshly. Tom and James sat down on the chairs. "I'm sure I'm not the only one who's sick of all this fighting that's going on between the two of you."
"Hey, it's not just us, where's Jessie the b**ch?" Tom asked.
TOM: HEY BABE, WANNA PLAY WITH MY MANUAL STEERING
JESSIE: NO, YOU'RE THE EXPERT, I'LL LEAVE IT TO YOU
TOM: LISTEN HERE YOU STUPID BITCH *COLLAPSES*
JESSIE: WHAT THE...
"Tom, keep your mouth shut, or you'll be spending more time in Sickbay than the Doctor does," James said.
"Ooh, is that a threat. All that news about being a Games Slayer must be creating the illusion that you're a tough guy," Tom said.
ROUND TWO COMMENCE
I'M ONLY JOKING, THE FIGHT WOULD LOOK MORE LIKE THIS
"ENOUGH!" Kathryn yelled. She stood up and she walked towards the window. "All this fighting has got to stop before somebody gets permanently injured."
"Nothing's permanent, Captain. Only death is, and that's what's going to happen to a certain somebody," Tom said.
"But Captain. I don't see why I should get told off for physical abuse. I hit Jessie once, and hit James a few times in Before Fifth Voyager. Those two have hit me so many times I lost count years ago," Tom said.
I'M SORRY, WANNA RUN THAT BY ME ONE MORE TIME?
ALSO... BEFORE FIFTH VOYAGER, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
"You both are not getting told off just for physical abuse. Most of the time words scar more than a fist or a weapon can," Kathryn said.
"Weapon, that's a good idea," James muttered.
"Captain! Did you hear that!" Tom exclaimed.
YOU ONLY SECONDS AGO THREATENED TO KILL HIM
"Yes I did. Anyway, I really want to get to the bottom of this. I have the perfect way to get you two to stop hurting each other physically or emotionally," Kathryn said.
INTERNET RAGE BATTLE
IT'S WHAT ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING
"I've got a mission for the two of you. Harry picked up a strange energy reading 10 lightyears away. You two are going to take the Flyer out to investigate," Kathryn said.
"What? Captain, you know that plan never works," Tom muttered.
"What do you mean. You and Neelix went on a mission together as worst enemies, you came back the bestest of friends," Kathryn said.
THAT WASN'T ONE OF OUR INTERESTING MISSIONS
CUTE PUPPET THOUGH
"Yeah, it doesn't work for me and the jerk. You tried it before when we had a fight in the mess hall six or so years ago. We came back hating each other more than we did when we went," Tom said.
*FLICKS THROUGH EPISODE ARCHIVE FOR A FEW MINUTES*
PHAGE, PHEW, CRISIS AVERTED
"You call that a fight? It was like picking on a little five year old kid," James said.
AND YOU SAY THIS FROM EXPERIENCE...
OF BEING THAT FIVE YEAR OLD, EEP
"B****rd," James said.
"Er, son of a b**ch," Tom said.
"Oh, I'm going to be here all day," Kathryn muttered and she ordered some more coffee.
"Pervert," James said.
"Circus freak," Tom said.
THIS GOES ON A WHILE AND DOESN'T GET BETTER
"Gay hippy," Tom said.
GOOD GOD TOM
"Could you at least do some work while you're here," Tom muttered.
"What's work?" James asked as he put his feet up on the console. Tom groaned and he got back to work.
"And people wonder why I hate you," Tom muttered. His console started making beepy noises. "This can't be right, according to the sensors Voyager is off our port bow," Tom said.
"Have you been flying us around in circles?" James asked.
"You're right this can't be Voyager, they're powering weapons," James said.
"It's either not Voyager or Emma's at Tactical," Tom muttered. The shuttle shook violently as phaser fire hit the hull. "I'll try hailing them," Tom said.
PLEASE GOD NO
In: "Prepare for trouble," a familiar girl's voice said.
In: "It's Seventh Voyager," a familiar boy's voice said.
In: "Would you two cut it out!!" another voice yelled.
In: "Aw, you could of let us finish, Phoebe," Jessie 2's voice moaned.
ALL HAIL CAPTAIN PHOEBE, THE VILLAIN WE DON'T DESERVE
"S**t!" Tom exclaimed.
WHAT IS THIS, SEASON ONE?
"Harry, will you go and help B'Elanna in Engineering?" Kathryn asked.
"Sorry Captain, I'm rather busy fixing the sensors," Harry replied. Naomi walked onto the Bridge. "Yeah sure Captain, bye!" Harry stuttered and he ran off the Bridge as fast as he could.
"Why does he keep doing that?" Naomi muttered.
WELL THAT WAS CERTAINLY NOT A WASTE OF TIME, AT ALL
AT LEAST IT WASN'T ANGRY
"Good, did you send your security teams there?" Phoebe asked.
"Er, yes of course I did. Excuse me a second," Tuvok replied nervously and he rushed out the door.
HA, GOOD ONE
"Something tells me he didn't," Tom muttered sarcastically.
FU DIMENSION JUMP, YOU RUIN EVERYTHING
Tuvok rushed into the bay with several security people behind him. He ran straight into two security teams.
"It's about time you arrived sir, but we already have the prisoners," one man said. He nodded at a few people behind him. They dragged an unconscious James and Tom over to Tuvok.
NOT SURPRISED IN AN EVIL MIRROR UNIVERSE THE SECURITY ARE ACTUALLY COMPETENT
THEY EVEN MANAGED TO SHOOT JAMES OFF SCREEN AND SURVIVED, THAT'S AMAZING
GASP! MAYBE JAMES' POWERS DON'T WORK IN A MIRROR UNIVERSE. OMG WHAT A TWIST
"Good work, Ensign Getskilledalot," Tuvok said.
"What should we do with them sir?" Ensign Getskilledalot asked.
CREDIT FOR TRYING
"Take one to Sickbay for interrogation, take the other to the Brig, we don't need him," Tuvok said.
GEE, I WONDER WHICH ONE
"The blonde one," Tuvok replied. Everyone stared at him with a blank expression.
"They're both blonde, sir," Getskilledalot said.
THE SARCASTIC ONE
THE SMART ALECKY ONE
GOD DAMN IT
"Getskilledalot means heroic in German," Getskilledalot replied.
"Because Phoebe only wants characters that have been developed in Fifth Voyager. Tom will never change, so it's unlikely he's been developed," Tuvok replied.
OH I DUNNO, HE'S HAD QUITE A BIT OF DEVELOPMENT IN THIS ONE
JAMES THO, BET HE'S NUMBER ONE ON THAT LIST
"You are asking to be killed off, Ensign Getskilledalot," Tuvok growled.
NOOOOO, GETSKILLEDALOT FOR MAIN CAST. FIRST HE NEEDS A EASIER TO TYPE FIRST NAME. WHAT ABOUT IMA
DAMN IT MARILL, YOU USED TO BE SO GOOD AT THIS
The Doctor and Jessie were waiting near the door when the security officers brought James in.
"Put him on the bio bed," the Doctor ordered. The security officers did as they were told. "Jessie, you do know how to tie people to biobeds don't you," the Doctor said as he handed Jessie some ropes.
OF COURSE SHE DOES, SHE MAKES SURE SHE AND JAMES ARE TIED TOGETHER AT ALL TIMES. THAT'S WHY SHE'S IN SICKBAY. ANY JAMES WILL DO
"Of course I do. I tie my James to the bed all the time," Jessie replied in a flirty voice.
THIS REALLY IS A MIRROR UNIVERSE, I WAS ONLY JOKING
"By the way, Doc, what do you want me to do to him?" Jessie asked.
THIS IS A TIME WE REALLY DON'T WANT JAMES OFF SCREENING
NO? FINE! HMPH
"Interrogate him, we need to know why his shuttle was going near the base, and where the other Voyager is," the Doctor replied.
YEAH, WE NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS BASE THE EPISODE MADE UP TO SUIT ITS ANGRY AGENDA
DON'T GET WHY IT DOES, BUT I'M ASSUMING THAT'S THE POINT
"Ooh, interrogation. I love doing that. I'm so good at it my James can't keep a secret from me," Jessie said in her flirty voice again and she winked at no one in particular.
"I thought this episode was a PG. Oh well, I'm going in my office, I do not want to witness your 'interrogation' since I just installed nausea to my program," the Doctor muttered and he rushed into the office.
A PG? HOW CAN WE RAGE PROPERLY IN A PG?
RATED 18 FOR MARILL HISSYFIT
"Who's doing the interrogation? Please say me," James 2 said.
I ASSUME HE DOESN'T MEAN "THAT", BUT THEN AGAIN A MIRROR UNIVERSE VERSION OF JAMES WOULDN'T BE INTO OFF SCREEN VIOLENCE EITHER. HE'D BE INTO BOBBLE FLICKI... OK THAT WENT SOMEWHERE I DIDN'T INTEND TO, MOVING ON
"She's never interrogated somebody other than our James before. And she doesn't even do that properly, it's rather disgusting," Tom 2 muttered as he looked at James 2.
WAIT, JESSIE LETS PEOPLE WATCH?
SEVENTH VOYAGER WASN'T ACTUALLY A MIRROR UNIVERSE, FYI. THEY'RE AN AU VERSION YES, BRAINWASHED TO BE CARTOONY STYLE EVIL... SO NOT REALLY EVIL, A BIT BAD IN A CHEESY WAY. MIRROR UNIVERSE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE CLEVER WITH ITS TITLE, AND EVERYTHING ELSE, FAILING A LOT
"I see what you mean. I did that to my boyfriend too. I miss him, we use to take turns interrogating each other, it was so much fun," Phoebe said.
OK THIS I BUY
I'M KEEPING THIS LINE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. ITS A CLUE TO THE CAST AWAY PLOT DIMENSION JUMP CRAPPED ON AND FLUSHED. OMGSPOILERZ
"How come when she interrogated me it hurt," Chakotay muttered. Everyone stared at him in the most peculiar way. "It's not what you think. She didn't interrogate me in that way that James described," Chakotay said.
WELP, RIP PHOEBE, J/CERS WILL BE COMING FOR YOU
What the Bridge crew didn't know was that somebody was watching them from a shuttle in cloak near by.
WELP AGAIN, THIS IS THE MOMENT OF TRUE RETCON AND FUTURE RAGE. BE PREPARED
"I never thought they were essential. They're crude and unspeakably plain. But maybe they've a glimmer of potential. If allied to my vision and brain," he said quietly to himself. He pressed some commands and he beamed out of the shuttle and reappeared on Seventh Voyager's Bridge. He walked down to the command deck as he inspected everyone on the Bridge.
"I know that your powers of retention are as we
SEE, "BE PREPARED"
WHAT? YOU THOUGHT I WAS TELLING YOU TO PREPARE YOURSELF? I DID THAT IN THE BEGINNING
He stopped where James and Phoebe were. "It's clear from your vacant expressions, the lights are not all on upstairs. But we're talking leaders and successions, even you can't be caught unawares," the man said as he quickly turned to look Tom's way. Tom jumped when he saw the man.
YEH DON'T EXPECT MUCH EFFORT WITH THE LYRICS
"Prepared, yeah we'll be prepared... for what?" Tom asked.
"For the death of your new Boss," the man replied.
"Idiots! There will be a boss!" the man yelled. Everyone stopped cheering and they looked at him.
"But you said," Tom said.
"I'll be the Boss. Stick with me and you'll never have to put up with Fifth Voyager or the Ligers again!" the man yelled.
"Yey! That's what I call a boss!" Phoebe shouted. Everyone started cheering again.
THAT WAS EASY. SEVENTH VOYAGER ARE DUMB
"Be prepared!" the man yelled. Everyone, including the man laughed evilly.
Two days later
WELL AT LEAST HE GAVE THEM TIME TO
"Any sign of them?" she asked. Chakotay stood up from his chair.
"No Captain. There's no sign of them," he replied. Kathryn sat down on her chair.
WHAT HOW CAN BE NO NO SIGN OF THEM
THERE'S JUST NO SIGN OF THEM
"Harry, did you fix the long range sensors?" Kathryn asked. Harry looked up from his console.
"No ma'am, I'm still working on them," Harry replied.
"You've been at them for two days," Tani said from the helm.
"No I haven't, I couldn't get onto the Bridge in that time because Naomi was there each time I came to duty," Harry said.
"Captain, three ships are approaching us," Tuvok said.
"On screen," Kathryn ordered. The viewscreen activated and it showed three large, brightly coloured, ships.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FOLLOWING THE PLOT? STOP
The viewscreen changed to show a small Bridge that was painted dark red. There were only four people on the Bridge. There was a young man with dark hair in the big chair. A girl with ginger hair sat at the back of the Bridge, two younger guys sat at consoles near the big chair.
LET ME GUESS, GINGER AND DARK HAIRED ONES ARE THE NAMED PEEPS
"I'm Captain Johnstone of the Dellia Fleet," the young lad in the big chair said.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this Captain, but you're in the wrong dimension," Johnstone said.
I'M SORRY, WHAT?
REALLY1!?!?!?! NOW I'M REALLY GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF THINGS. MARILL USES RAGE
"Well, you're dimension is 5.983, our dimension is 5.848. And lets just say you're in our dimension," Johnstone replied.
WHICH TV SHOW IS THAT ONE?
DON'T ANSWER THAT
"I don't know. All I know is that it happened 18 hours ago, and we have technology that can fix it," Johnstone replied.
"I sense a but coming," Kathryn said.
"Yeah, you sense right. We can't just give away technology. Ligerfleet law forbids it," Johnstone said.
TEEHEE, A FLEET OF KITTIES
CENSOR LILLYIA FLEET WITH DELLIA, BUT KEEP LIGER AND LIGERFLEET
OKAY *INSINCERE THUMBS UP*
"The only way we can help you is if you make a temporary alliance with us. Then it's actually not against our laws to give you the technology," Johnstone said.
OH SURE, WE'LL ALLY WITH THE FIRST IDIOTS WE MEET, THE KAZON ARE OUR BEST BUDS AFTER ALL
"Fine, what do you want in return?" Kathryn asked.
"Nothing, we just hope you decide to make the alliance permanent," Johnstone replied.
AM I READING THIS RIGHT?
WTF IS THIS
"I take it humans take ages to sort out alliances. As long as you agreed to an alliance then that's it," Johnstone replied.
OH OF COURSE THE LIGERS MAKE ALLIANCES AS QUICKLY AS THEY MAKE A CUPPA, NO WONDER THEY WERE EXILED OFF EARTH
OHSNAP, DID I SPOILER SLAP YOU JOHNSTONE, YES I DID
Lilly walked onto the Bridge and she walked up to Kathryn. She handed her a PADD.
"Captain, B'Elanna needs more people in Engineering to help out," Lilly said.
"Why?" Kathryn asked.
BECAUSE LILLY NEEDED TO BE HERE
"Hey sis!" Johnstone yelled. Lilly stopped in her tracks. Everyone looked confused. Lilly turned to face the screen. "What are doing on that ship?" Johnstone asked.
"Ohno," Lilly muttered. Everyone looked at her then at Johnstone.
HEY GUYS, MEET LISTER LIGER
THAT'S HIS ORIGINAL NAME
I DON'T CARE, THERE'S A BROTHER CALLED LANNY OR LAN, A SISTER CALLED LEANNE AND I DON'T REMEMBER THE OTHER SISTER, OTHER THAN HER NAME BEGINS WITH A L.
DON'T WORRY, IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER. ANY OF IT. LISTER GETS A RENAME. THE OTHER SIBLINGS ARE ERASED
PLACE YOUR BETS
"Well it's a long story," Johnstone said.
"Spare us it, Jim," Lilly muttered.
"Don't call me Jim," Johnstone said.
"Well, she was on a Dellia ship that kept constantly being attacked by the Sixes. The entire crew went into stasis as the ship was hid in a nebula. The nebula was full of radiation so stasis was the only option. The last thing I heard was that the Sixes found the ship and stole two stasis units, one being Lilly's. That was seven years ago," Johnstone replied.
OH THE SIXES. ANOTHER RENAME CASE THERE, BUT A LOT MORE RECENT THAN LISTER DON'T CALL ME JIM JOHNSTONE
"And why were you in the Third Dimension when we found you?" Chakotay asked.
SHUT UP CHAKOTAY
"I don't know, the stasis unit gave me temporary amnesia, I still don't remember how I got there. And secondly I didn't remember much about my past in this dimension when you found me," Lilly replied.
AND I DON'T REMEMBER THIS THIRD DIMENSION CRAP, WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING? WORLD WHAT?
"So you're half Liger like she is," Chakotay said.
OH YEAH, THE HALF LIGER RUBBISH
STILL MAKES ZERO SENSE, IT'S FV MAKING UP NONSENSE FOR NOTHING. YOU KNOW LIKE EVERY SUNDAY
"I forgot how well you can lie," Lilly said as she stood up.
"Look, Lil, that story is less believable than the story I told," Johnstone said.
I KNEW IT, WORLD DOMINATION WAS A DREAM
"How come everyone else's stasis units didn't give anybody amnesia?" Johnstone asked.
"I don't know. Emma's stasis unit gave her amnesia too," Lilly said.
I GOT AMNESIA FROM THAT EPISODE TOO
"Oh shut up, James, I never insulted your friends," Lilly said.
YEP, I ONLY GONE AND GIVE LISTER LIGER A NAME THAT'S ALREADY IN USE
MAY I ALSO REMIND YOU THESE GUYS CLAIM TO BE ALIENS. WITH HUMAN NAMES
OH IS THAT WHY THEY'RE LIKE "HALF LIGER" WAH, EXCUSES, SAD
"Firstly, I had trouble remembering your real name coz of that amnesia. Secondly, Scot deserved to be insulted after what he did to me," Lilly said.
AH SCOT AND LILLY
THE ORIGINAL J/C
"He didn't do anything wrong?? He embarrassed me in front of the entire Bridge crew, even with amnesia I couldn't forget that!" Lilly snapped. Johnstone stood up and walked towards the door.
EVEN WITH AMN... OH FFS LILLY, YOU ARE LYING. GOTCHA
"Well lets hope that he learnt something from it," Lilly muttered.
"I thought you would have changed in the last seven years, but you're still that selfish little cow who couldn't give a crap about anybody," Johnstone said.
YEY TENSE ARGUMENT WITH NO CONTEXT AT ALL
Most of the main cast were on the Bridge. Phoebe and Chakotay were standing in the centre of the Bridge with their guest. James and Kiara were at the engineering station fighting over Kiara's headphones and CD Player. Everyone else was in their usual places.
"Give me that you little brat!" James yelled.
"But I wanna listen to Roses Are Red in unbalanced stereo!" James yelled.
YOU KNOW WHEN FILMS AND TV SHOWS HAVE JOKES AND REFERENCES TO CURRENT TRENDS, THEN YEARS LATER YOU'RE LIKE "HUH WHAT... OH I REMEMBER THAT". IT USUALLY DATES IT QUITE A BIT.
FIFTH VOYAGER HAS DATED S£££ I DID IN 2001, SO IT WASN'T FUNNY THEN TO ANYONE BUT ME, NEVER WILL BE NOW
"That's it, I warned you about that!" Kiara growled. She picked up a glass bottle and she threw it at Harry. He ducked and it smashed against Annika's head instead. Blood went everywhere.
I'M NOT SURE IF THIS COUNTS
"Ooh, Turn Back Time," Kiara said and she started to dance.
DANCE. TURN BACK TIME
IT'S A BALLAD
"Oh for god's sake, get those two idiots off the Bridge!" the man yelled.
"Gladly," Tuvok said. He walked over to Kiara and James and he tried to drag them both towards the turbolift.
"THE MAN" IS THE MAN
"I was joking, seriously though we need to know the more detailed plan, we can't make sense of a Lion King song," Phoebe asked.
"Can anybody?" Chakotay asked.
"What about the time when you sang Lullaby in Mirror Universes?" Tom asked.
"Ok. The plan. It is very complicated, I doubt you nitwits would understand it fully," the man said.
THIS GUY SOUNDS FAMILIAR
BUT NOT IN THE WAY DIMENSION JUMP INTENDS
"Oh, we're more intelligent than we look," Phoebe said. James came onto the Bridge holding Kiara's CD Player.
"Can anybody explain to me what this thing does?" he asked as he pointed at a button in the CD Player. Harry looked at it.
"I think that's the play button, James," Harry said.
"Very well then. Firstly, do you all know about the Liger/Rabbien war?" the man asked.
"Yeah I do, they're at war!" Harry blurted out, he looked really proud of himself.
MARILL USES WATER FAIRY RAGE
IT'S STILL NOT SUPER EFFECTIVE
"Remove the idiot," Phoebe said.
"Okay then," Chakotay said and he took a hold of Phoebe again. She hit him on the head twice as hard as the last time.
HA! NOW THAT IS FUNNY...ISH
"Doesn't matter. Anyway, you should know that the heirs to the Liger throne have been missing for four centuries. Well, I have found them," the man said.
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH A WAR? YOU'RE GONNA USE THE HEADSTONES OF THESE ROYALS AS WEAPONS? THAT'S DARK
"Please continue, Mr, er, somebody," Phoebe said.
"If you're wondering what my name is, you can call me Alex for the time being," the man said.
OH SORRY, WHO?
"Time being, are you getting your name changed?" Harry asked.
"Shut up! Anyway, one of the heirs is on Voyager and the other is on the Dellia ship that's not far from Voyager. Your job is to destroy those two ships," Alex said.
WAIT LAWL, EVEN THE SEVENTH VOYAGER LOT ARE WHO'ING WITH ALEX
MEH DON'T CARE, THIS EPISODE BUTCHERED THE INITIAL ALEX IDEA
THOUGH IT DID BRING US DAMIEN AFTER ALL HIS RENAMING/CONTROVERSIAL DRAMA, SO WHO AM I TO ARGUE?
ESPECIALLY DON'T CARE, COS THIS IS DEFINITELY WHERE THINGS START TO GET REALLY, REALLY BAD
"Er, those two ships are no match for us. Voyager alone has beaten us twice already," Phoebe asked.
"Very well, I'll send my ships to destroy them," Alex said.
YOUR SHIPS? SO, THE SIXES, RABBIENS, THE VIDIIANS? TIE FIGHTERS?
"Yes, Jacqueline and the rest of the fleet, its crew is stupid but they can do some damage to Liger and Human ships," Alex said.
THE ERONA? THOSE TRAITORS!
BUT SERIOUSLY, EVEN WITH MY TALE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE, THIS HAS ZERO CONTEXT, WELL DONE
QUICK RECAP OF THE RELEVANT PART:
In it Damon shared his grievances with the unimaginative and pretty awful Marrel. As if it couldn't get any worse for our antag... protag... I don't know, he had shared with her a story of his own. Her other prized bunch of terrible stories "Kidz Trekking On My Lawn, GET OFF MY" and its characters were vilified, possibly murdered by his own.
"Oh, you mean the Sixes," Chakotay said.
"Yes, no... the Rabbiens! Anyway,
OK SO THIS WAS EDITED, AND AGAIN A SECOND TIME FOR THE SIXES=RABBIEN THING THAT WON'T GET ANY CONTEXT UNTIL THE REBOOT. SO WHAT'S THE EXCUSE FOR THE PREVIOUS LINE?
JACQUELINE SHOULD'VE BEEN RENAMED, THE QUIPS ABOUT THE SHIP/CREW BEING STUPID EDITED/DELETED. FFS MARREL, GET YOUR EDIT GAME ON
NOT NOW, I'M DONE FOR THE NIGHT. IT'S PAST MY BED TIME
"Yes, no... the Rabbiens! Anyway, the fleet will destroy the heirs and Voyager at the same time. Anyway, here comes the next part of the plan. Since the Rabbiens are supposed to be controlled by the new Boss, they will coax everyone else in the Seventh Dimension to join me. Then we kill the bosses," Alex said.
I'M SO CONFUSED
"Who are your enemies?" Chakotay asked.
"I'll give you a clue, Fifth Voyager and The Ligers were created by them," Alex said.
OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE
"You know I would have gotten through to a bunch of goldfish faster than this," Alex muttered.
"Sorry, you'll have to tell us," Phoebe said.
MISS MISS, OVER HERE, I KNOW
"The Fifth Voyager writers! Geez, how dumb can you get! First you don't recognise me, now this!" Alex snapped.
OH WELL THIS IS EMBARRASSING, I HAD THE SEVEN DIES COUNTER ALL COPIED AND PASTED.
"Recognise you, we haven't met you before," Phoebe said.
"Of course you have! Bloody hell, I was on this ship a year ago, true I was a lot younger back then," Alex said.
WELL TO BE FAIR, WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN "MIRROR UNIVERSES" IS MENTIONED?
"I'm Alex you idiots! You know Kiara's brother!" Alex yelled.
"Oh, that Alex. How come you're a bald thirty year old, instead of a two year old?" Chakotay asked.
"OH, THAT ALEX," ALEX'S ALLEGED DAD SAID.
GOOD LORD, CHAKOTAY WISHED HE WAS THIS MUCH OF A DEADBEAT DAD AS HIS EVIL ALTER EGO
YEAH THIS RAISES MANY QUESTIONS, BUT SHEESH, I'M TOO BUSY BEING ANGRY SO...
"Well you did say you wanted Alex to take over me when I died," Alex said. Everyone looked at him funny. "Well I took over him, don't you get it?" Alex asked.
WHAT'S THAT I SMELL, SMELLS LIKE... RETCONNING. OR MAYBE IT'S MAKING S$$$ UP THAT WASN'T MEANT TO BE THERE. THE WHOLE EPISODE REEKS OF IT
"Eh?" everyone muttered.
"I'm the Boss! You fools! After I died I took over Alex, and I got him assimilated so he'd mature faster, and get Borg strength. How stupid can you lot get?" Alex said.
WHICH BOSS. THERE'S BEEN TWO SO FAR
I DUNNO, MY HEAD HURTS, I WANNA GO HOME
"So you're saying you're thee Damien?" Phoebe asked. Alex nodded, everyone groaned. "This is great, we thought we lost you," Phoebe said.
REVIVED BY RAGE
STAY TUNED FOR HIS REINCARNATION VIA OOPSIEDAISY, I BALLSED THAT ONE UP BACKPEDDLING
"So, sir, should we ditch that mission to steal Fifth Voyager's characters? We have one in Sickbay," Phoebe asked.
WELP, RIP DUMBASS LIKES TO GET TIED TO BED BY JESSIE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A PLAY BUTTON IS JAMES
LETS HOPE OUR JAMES DOESN'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE HIM AGAIN, HE MIGHT COME OUT BRAINDAMAGED
"That mission is over, since this revenge on Fifth Voyager is better and more villainous. Anyway, which character do you have?" Damien asked.
LITERALLY DOING THIS, STAWP, I'M MEANT TO BE ANGRY
DAMN IT "DAMIEN", YOU MEAN "THIS REVENGE PLAN IS STUPIDER AND MORE ANGRY", RIGHT?
"We have two, Tom Paris and James Taylor," Phoebe replied. Tom sniggered.
"What a stupid name, I'm sure a singer was called that," Tom said.
DID THE TOM'S GET SWAPPED OVER BEFORE THE START OF THE EPISODE?
CHANGE THE LINE TO "WHAT A STUPID NAME, WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOURSELF AFTER A CITY"
(YES I'M USING IT, OMG SPOILERS)
"That creeps Victreebell killed me in Season One, for that he'll pay the price," Damien replied.
I TOLD YOU JAMES, YOU FOOL
AT LEAST HE KNOWS TO KILL PEOPLE HIMSELF NOWADAYS, NOBODY WILL SEE S$$$
"Thank god he's gone, I was starting to feel sick, that smell drives you crazy," Tom muttered.
"What smell?" Chakotay asked.
THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING
RABBIT FOOD/HUTCHES/POOP? YOGHURTS? I'M STUMPED
OH YOGHURTS, I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I'D CHECK FOR ANY JOKES, SIGNS OF AN ADDICTION. AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, NADA. THAT OBSESSION IS 100% ACTUAL DAMIEN'S, NOT HIS PREDECESSOR. YAY
"Interrogation is where you force answers out of the victims by torturing them, you didn't ask him anything, you just tortured him," the Doctor replied.
SPEAKING OF NOBODY SEEING S$$$
PROBABLY A SMALL MERCY HERE
"Jessie, did our guest have any of his Game Creatures with him?" Phoebe asked.
"Yeah, they're fun to play with," Jessie replied as she held out two Creature Balls.
OH GOD, MY MIND NEEDS A GOOD SCRUB
"Nah, he's been unconscious since I interrogated him yesterday," Jessie replied. The Doctor walked in clearing his throat. "Okay, tortured," Jessie said.
DID A DAY PASS IN THIS SCENE?
HOW AM I ONLY 2/3 OF THE WAY THROUGH THIS CRAPFEST
"Can you get the plant out, I want to set fire to it," Damien asked.
"No, you cruel thing!" Jessie squealed. Phoebe, Damien and the Doctor looked over at James, who was still on the biobed. He was badly cut, burned etc, you get the point.
I DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM, THIS IS JUST A NORMAL WEEKEND FOR JAMES
"Don't tell me you do that with your James?" the Doctor asked.
"Yeah, it always works, you should see what he's like when I get the chain-saw out," Jessie replied.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHY SEVENTH JAMES IS A DUMBASS, HAS ANYONE CHECKED HIS SKULL FOR CHAINSAW CUTS YET?
"Get that Victreebell out, now!" Damien screamed.
"No, it's too cute to die!" Jessie screamed back.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZFERT WHAT, THIS VICTREEBELL CRAP'S STILL GOING ON?
"Just open both, for god's sake," Damien said. Jessie dropped both onto the floor. Victreebell and Arbok came out. They looked around, looking confused, they looked back at everyone looking angry.
WELL WE ARE OVERDUE SOMEONE BEING ANGRY
Damien pulled out a box of matches out of his pocket, when he did that Victreebell chomped his head.
"Not again!" Damien yelled in a muffled voice. He managed to light a match and it scared Victreebell away. Arbok attacked instead.
DID THIS EPISODE ENRAGE BECAUSE OF ITS ANGRY INTENTION, OR BECAUSE OF S$$$ LIKE THIS?
I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER
"If they went for you I'd understand, after what you did to their master," the Doctor said.
YEAH, FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT....
Arbok had coiled itself around him, and was slowly crushing him. The Doctor groaned and he walked over to a console. He pressed some buttons and Damien beamed away.
"Well, if you want to do your stuff, Jess, now would be a good time," the Doctor said.
OF COURSE JAMES' GAMEMONS ARE PSYCHOTIC, A BIT ODD THAT WE WERE READING WHAT THEY WERE DOING THOUGH
"Good idea. Kobra, Victreea, good work, return now," Jessie said and she recalled the two Pokémon. She tapped her commbadge. "Rex to Taylor."
"We're safe for the moment, the Doc thinks we should start now," Jessie said.
In: "I'm near Sickbay now, hang on a sec."
UM I SAID WAIT, WHUT?
"It worked in Resistance, I think. Get me a hypospray," Jessie replied. The Doctor walked over to the medical tray and he picked up a hypospray. He passed it over to Jessie.
WHY? HE'S A DOCTOR
James 2 walked into the room. "Are we ready to go?" he asked.
"Yeah, nearly," Jessie replied. She used the hypospray on James, he woke up a few seconds later. "Ok, lets go," Jessie said.
SERIOUSLY WHAT, WAS SEVENTH JAMES PRETENDING TO BE AN UTTER BUFFOON AND JESSIE A DOMINATRIX WITH A CHAINSAW FETISH FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF TRICKING DAMIEN INTO SICKBAY SO SHE CAN SET JAMES' MURDER CREATURES ONTO HIM, AGAIN
THAT'S WHAT THIS CRAP'S TRYING TO SELL TO ME/US
AND IT'S STILL NOT THE WORST THING I'VE READ SO FAR. OHGODS
"Crap, this is not a good time to be in labour, B'Elanna," the Doctor said. B'Elanna stared at him with the most evil look in the universe.
WORSE THAN THIS?
OH SORRY, WRONG PICTURE
THAT'S A LIE, I'M NOT SORRY
Another phaser blast grazed the hull, the Bridge shook violently and a few consoles exploded.
WHAT'S HAPPENING AGAIN
DON'T ANSWER THAT, DON'T CARE
Another hit shook the Bridge. The science station exploded taking an innocent ensign with it.
OH NO DANNY IS DEAD
"Jessie, you go," Kathryn said.
"But I don't have any medical..." Jessie muttered.
"I would if I were you Jess, that station always explodes in battles like this," Harry said.
OH GOD, IT ONLY DOES SO IN YEAR OF HELLS AND PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS S$$$ RAGE SAGA A YEAR LO... OH, SHOOT
AND LOL DIMENSION JUMP, ANY EXCUSE TO GET JESSIE TO SICKBAY FOR THE BIRTH OF HER OWN KID
"Lilly, is there any weaknesses that you know of?" Kathryn asked.
"The Sixes always seem to be weak in my opinion. Anyway I suggest we target the lead ship," Lilly said.
EVERYONE'S WEAK TO LILLY, SHE CAN SOLVE ANYTHING
"That ship's crap, believe me," Lilly replied.
YES, DON'T QUESTION OUR SAVIOUR AND BEAUTIFUL LILLY, BOW DAMN YOU
"Captain, intruder alert on decks 11, 9, 5, and 2," Harry said.
"Beam some of us to their ship, Captain, they have to lower shields for transport too," Lilly said quickly.
JANEWAY: SURE, I'LL DO THAT. YOU WANT TO SIT IN MY CHAIR TOO. BRB I'LL GET YOU A COFFEE YOUR MAJESTY(OMGSPOILERZ)
"Lilly, you're with me. Chakotay to Goldsbrough, Morgan Janeway and Anderson, report to the transporter room," Chakotay said as he tapped his commbadge.
ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, IT'S TIME FOR THE ANGER GAMES TO BEGIN. MAY THE HATE BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOUR. IF WE RAGE, YOU RAGE WITH US! I LIKE WATCHING YOU SLEEP... OOPS WRONG FILM
"God what a dump," Morgan muttered as she looked around.
OH SNAP, THESE UGLY USELESS SHIP BURNS ARE TOO MUCH. BETTER GET THE MILK, THAT S$$$'S GONNA STING
A few clueless looking people were walking down the corridors holding what looked like crummy cheap phaser rifles.
JESUS, THE HITS JUST KEEP COMING. PAST MARILL WAS A RELENTLESS HATEFUL BITCH. LOOK AT THAT, SHE CALLED THE RIFLES CRUMMY. WHAT A BITCH. IF SOMEONE CHANGED ALL OF HER PASSWORDS I WOULDN'T GIVE A S$$$, SHE HAD THAT COMING
"Come on punks, make my day," Firera said as she activated the chain-saw. One of the aliens screamed and ran off.
"Damn guest stars, they never help," the first alien said.
"Can I kill that one?" Marill asked as she pointed at the short stumpy lad.
"Yeah why not," Charizard replied, as soon as he said that Marill was chasing after the short stumpy lad with the chain-saw.
PREPARE THE CANONS
BOOM "STUMPY LAD - DISTRICT SIX"
LATER THE EULOGY:
ANNOUNCER GUY: I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHO THIS IDIOT WAS AND I DON'T CARE. I'M WAITING FOR THE JACQUELINE LILLY SHOWDOWN. WE ALL ARE.
"Captain, the writers are on board," Harry said.
"Is that a good thing?" Kathryn asked.
WHEN IS IT EVER A GOOD THING, YOU NINNY. SLAP YOURSELF SIX TIMES
Emma had ran into a fat girl who had lipstick all over her face.
OK OK, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU FIND/REPLACED THE ORIGINAL "SPECIES" NAME AND REPLACED ALL MENTIONS OF IT WITH "SIXES" OR "RABBIENS" IF DAMIEN WAS SAYING IT, AND YEAH YOU DID THIS TO DAMIEN EONS AGO TOO. SO QUESTION PAST MARILL, DID YOU F$$$$ DO ANYTHING ELSE TO THIS HATEFEST? CLEARLY NOT. WTF, WHY ARE THERE STILL DIGS LIKE STUMPY GUY AND MAKEUP FACE SIXTEEN YEARS LATER?
SCREW THIS, HUNGER GAMES JOKES KEEP ME SANER
Suddenly the knife flew out of her hands and flew behind Emma's position. Emma turned to see who it was, while still laughing. She saw Morgan and Craig trying to keep a straight face behind her, Morgan was now holding the knife.
I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS
"Honey, that bright red doesn't suit you, why don't you try a better shade of red," Morgan said
WTF JESSIE, WHY AREN'T YOU IN SICKBAY WATCHING YOUR KID BEING BORN... OH WAIT, MORGAN. I'M SO CONFUSED AND IT MAKES ME... HUNGRY
She threw it and it landed in the girl's forehead. She collapsed.
MORGAN KILLS SOMEONE THAT'S NOT SEVEN. W.T.F
THIS IS DIMENSION JUMP, I'VE EVEN KILLED SOMEONE. I BET KIARA RUNS IN WITH A MACHINE GUN AND MOWS DOWN THE VOYAGER INTRUDERS
AND WHILE YOU'RE DEALING WITH THAT IMAGE...
BOOM "MAKEUP FACE - DISTRICT SIX"
ANNOUNCER GUY: S$$$ I DROPPED MY PEN ON THE FLOOR
JESSIE: SERIOUSLY, WHY WASN'T I THE ONE WHO KILLED HER? IT'D BE IRONIC, HELLO THERE'S EVEN A MAKEUP QUIP. WHO'S WRITING THIS S$$$?
PAST MARILL: RAGEKILLDESTROYIMSOANGRY^£%%&^$*REVENGEEEEEEELLOLSOCRUMMY
ANNOUNCER GUY: HAS ANYONE SEEN A LID?
"Hi Lilly, we meet for the last time," the lead girl said.
"Oh no, I've had enough bad reunions for today," Lilly muttered.
"You know her?" Triah asked.
"Unfortunately, she's the captain of this ship, we used to be friends," Lilly muttered.
LET ME GUESS. YOU INTRODUCED HER TO A GIRL NAMED VICKY, AND NOW SHE HAS TO KEEP THAT WEIRDO CHUMP ON HER TIME SHIP AND LISTEN TO HER WHINE ABOUT HER TRUE WUV WHO'S 400 YEARS OLDER THAN HER. NOW SHE'S NOT ONLY ANGRY AT YOU, BUT AT VOYAGER FOR SAID TRUE WUV, AND YOU'VE BETRAYED HER AGAIN BY JOINING THEM.
REALLY, YOU GOT NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF
"She became obsessed with beating me at everything I did, which she didn't do because she's terrible, and for some reason she started calling me a striped bag of tangerines, don't ask why, coz I don't know why either," Lilly replied
WHERE DO I EVEN START? LET ME THINK
I'M A GENIUS
"That hair you idiot, it was bright orange, and you had dark highlights put in," the girl muttered.
LIKE A (L)TIGER?
"Jacqueline, should we kill them now?" the lad standing next to her asked.
"Yes, of course!" the girl snapped and she hit him over the head with a newspaper. The aliens prepared to fire their phaser rifles at the three. "Wait! I want to kill Lilly personally,"
MAKE YOUR MIND UP, WOMAN
AND LOL, OF COURSE SHE'S CALLED JACQUELINE AND STILL IS. GOOD SHOW, MARILL
NOT CONFUSING AT ALL, I MEAN THERE ARE THREE JAMES' IN THIS EPISODE SO WHY THE F$$$ NOT? *HEADDESK*
"Good luck with that," Lilly muttered. The characters just aimed at Chakotay and Triah. Suddenly three of the four collapsed with knives in their backs.
"What the hell's going on?" Jacqueline asked.
ALL RIGHT JAMES 1 HAS ESCAPED
"Ooh, it's Captain B**ch, let me kill her," Marill said.
WAIT. THE WRITERS KILLED THEM, BY THROWING KNIVES INTO THEIR BACKS?
"No I didn't, I let that James one go," Marill muttered.
"She must fancy him," Charizard sniggered. Marill hit him at the back of the head.
AAAH MY BIGGEST, BADDEST SECRET. WELL SECOND AFTER THE ORIGINS OF STRIPED BAG OF TANGERINES. HOW WILL I GO ON
THE WRITERS ARE KILLING OFF THE "SIXES" CREW, RIGHT? SO WHY WOULD SHE NEED TO SPARE A JAMES, EVEN SEVENTH'S HAS DEFECTED
SO THERE'S A FOURTH JAMES IN THIS FRICKING CRAPPIECE?
I MEAN WHAT?
"No, you idiot! He's the only one who was actually funny," Marill said angrily.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING OFF THE FIFTH CREW, YOU NINNY
THOUGH IT'S OKAY, JAMES HAS A RESURRECTION CLAUSE IN HIS CONTRACT. IF HE'S NOT BACK IN 5 MINUTES, SOMEBODY HAS TO PLUG IN A USB CABLE INTO HIM AND THEN HE'S GOOD TO GO (NOT TOO FAR THOUGH).
SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE THERE FOUR JAMES' IN THIS? I'D ACCEPT TWO BECAUSE OF SEVENTH VOYAGER, BUT FOUR? DON'T TELL ME HE'S CALLED THAT FOR THE SAME REASON JACQUELINE'S NAMED. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN LOGIC OR REASONABLE EXPLANATIONS, THIS IS FV AND DIMENSION JUMP, GIMME FURY
NOT VOYAGER FURY, PLEASEGODNO
"Scot, she's got a chain-saw, it's wise not to say anything like that to her," Firera whispered. Everyone heard the sound of somebody eating something really loudly. They all saw a really dopey looking lad come around the corner. He was stuffing himself with crisps.
WHO THE F$$$ IS SCOT?
"It's about time! James, help out!" Jacqueline yelled.
"But I'm eating," the lad moaned.
OH OF COURSE, THE EPISODE'S NOT COMPLETE IF WE DON'T SEE THIS FOURTH JAMES! WHO'S THE FIFTH ONE GONNA BE, BOBBY'S TRUE IDENTITY, WE HAVEN'T HAD A WRITER CALLED THAT YET
"Can I chop him up, we have another three James' in this episode, don't you think that's enough?" Firera asked.
I'M WITH FIRERA ON THIS ONE
Firera started chasing after that James with the chain-saw, he didn't seem to care, he was too busy eating. After Firera finished with him she took the crisps. Charizard took them off her.
HAVE I REMINDED YOU TODAY THAT SEASON TWO IS NEEDLESSLY OVER THE TOP VIOLENT?
AT LEAST WITH DIMENSION FURY I CAN UNDERSTAND. BEFORE IT, NAH!
ALSO HOW SICK DO YOU HAVE TO BE THAT YOU CAN CHAINSAW SOMEONE UP AND EAT THEIR FOOD AFTERWARDS?
"Enzo, what should we do?" Jacqueline asked.
PERHAPS WEAR GOGGLES
STOP BEING ANNOYING
TELL THAT ANDRAIA FRIEND OF YOURS THAT CLOTHES ARE SO HOT, SO WHEN SHE GROWS UP SHE DOESN'T WALK AROUND IN A BIKINI TOP
DON'T LET MEGABYTE INTO THE WEB, THAT CLIFFHANGER STILL HURTS
PROGRAM ANDRAIA TO SHOCK HERSELF EVERYTIME SHE SAYS LOVUUUR
"I don't know," the other lad replied. Lilly and Chakotay picked up the knives that were in the other alien's backs.
AYE BUT SERIOUSLY, MORE NAMES. I DIDN'T EDIT THIS ONE BIT, OUTSIDE OF FIND/REPLACE COMMANDS, DID I?
"Hey Jacqueline!" Lilly yelled. Jacqueline turned to look at her. "Rivalry over," Lilly said and she threw the knife at her.
BOOM "JACQUELINE 2 - DISTRICT SIX"
ANNOUNCER GUY: AH THERE IT IS
CAMERA GUY: *COUGH*
ANNOUNCER GUY: PHEW, NOW THE INK WON'T DRY. WHAT DID I MISS?
"Nooooooo, Jacqueline!" Enzo screamed over dramatically.
OMG, REALLY? DIMENSION JUMP ONLY HAD ONE REAL POINT POST SEPTEMBER 2001; HATEFUL REVENGE. FV VERSUS THE "SIXES", LILLY VERSUS JACQUELINE, YOU KNOW OUR HEROES VERSUS PEOPLE WE NEVER MET BEFORE. I HATE SAID POINT BUT AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT, YOU SPENT MORE TIME DESCRIBING MAKEUP FACE, OMGGGGGGGG
MARILL RE-READS WILL BE BACK ONCE THE FTP PROGRAM FINISHES DELETING DIMENSION JUMP
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