Marill Re-Reads VTV Live

Here's the stats so far.

Exclaimed Count: 155

Muttered Count: 763

Motto Count: 17

Sexist Crap Count: 32

Jessie's Sin Points: 25

Morgan the Sue Count: 7

Seven Dies Count: 5

James Kill Count: 2

This should be a little interesting. I've listed episodes like Voyager Conspiracy and Worse Case Scenario 2 as the good ones of Season One, and yet it was VTV Live that seemed to be the favourite amongst visitors back in the day. I'm curious as to why. I don't remember any of the details, only the theme of the episode and some of the stuff it rips off. I think the band stuff starts here, but that could easily be Voyager's Drinking Game. There's a reason why the two episodes are combined for the reboot, they're very similar.

This was written after Voyager's Drinking Game for some unknown reason. So it's the 25th episode written out of 29, only Thrown Key Part 1, Fugitives, Dark Frontier and Upendi were still to do. You should know how well 3/4 of these ended up.

I'm not expecting anything truly awful or brilliant. It could go either way. I'm gonna assume it's forgettable and harmless, but I've been wrong many times.


Guest Stars
Desmond Harrington as Damien

HUH? Well we're off to a great start.

Kiara and Naomi ran in giggling uncontrollably. They pressed a couple of commands on a console and they ran straight back out. The Doctor activated himself, he noticed straight away that he was in a rabbit suit.

Hey, I remember a time when Kiara and Naomi were polar opposites, were only friends at first because there were no other kids and so clashed. Neither would really influence the other.

While we're on the subject, no I don't remember why I turned Naomi into an idiot. So why would I keep her that way and make her worse, you ask? I'm a sucker for consistency, I suppose.

Damien appeared.

"Finally, I have found the ultimate rabbit. Come with me," he said. The Doctor groaned.

"I thought you were killed in the last episode," the Doctor said.

"Nobody can kill me, not even a prehensile Pokémon," Damien said evilly. For some strange reason the Devil appeared.

"Time is up," he said in a deep voice.

"Drat, I'll be back!" Damien snapped. He and the Devil disappeared.

Welp, can't say he didn't warn you.

But no seriously, wtf was that? I'm sniggering but I dunno if it's because it's funny for the reason it's intended or because it's soooo stupid. Help

"Maybe I should go to find B'Elanna," the Doctor muttered to himself. He heard a familiar scream.

"A rabbit! James, kill it!" Jessie screamed.

Hurray consistency

Jessie's Sin Points: -1

Except for the James part...

Nah, Jessie only ever goes full on OMG JAMES PROTECT ME damsel when rabbits are involved. I'm totally fine with this.

"Nice costume, Doc!" James laughed.

"Yeah, is there a fancy dress party we haven't been told about?" Jessie laughed.

"Haha, very funny joke. Now change me back, you've had your fun," the Doctor said grimly.

Oh come on Doc, would Jessie really turn you into a rabbit and walk straight in to see it when she's clearly scared of them?

Well yes, if it was the beginning of the episode her phobia was first written in. But after, you're smoking something if you think.......

Previously on Marill Re-Reads Spirits:

"We put the rabbits in, they were killer ones," James said. Jessie and Kiara laughed mock evilly.


"I'd love to take all the credit but I didn't do it," James said.

"Neither did I, I hate rabbits," Jessie said.

You'd love to? James WTF, Jessie slap him

"Then who did?" the Doctor asked. They saw Kiara and Naomi giggling their heads off just around the corner.

"Does that answer your question?" Jessie muttered.

"That doesn't prove that they did anything, they're probably just laughing at you," James said. Kiara and Naomi noticed the Doctor looking their way and they ran off.

Aaaw James defends the kids. How nice.

"Yeah, we're going to the Mess Hall, I'll pick up a carrot for you," James said. The pair walked off down the corridor laughing their heads off.

ohmygod that's so witty i'm in hysterics

See momma Janeway is not impressed

Wake me up when James is a witty badass again

"What have we got so far?" Tom asked as he sipped his coffee.

"The Chat show you're hosting, the gossip thing that B'Elanna's planning and my news show," Harry replied as he looked at a pad.

Uhuh, context would be nice. The scene opens like this.

Oh and wtf? B'Elanna's the one in charge of gossip when Tom's around? Are you kidding me? HAHAHAHAHA now that's humour

"That's dull, we need more," Tom moaned and he put his empty cup onto the table.


"Yeah, music would be good," B'Elanna said.

ohno, now you've done it.

Meanwhile Morgan, Craig and Lilly were fiddling with a Goodmans CD Player. Lilly put a blue CD in and she pressed the play button. The song 'Dreams' by Alysha came on.

I hope you're happy, we've got this s$$$ for two seasons.

"Hi, you would never guess what we just saw," Jessie said.

"Tuvok kissing Seven?" Lilly asked. Everyone felt sick.



"No, the Doctor in a rabbit suit," James replied. Morgan and Craig burst out laughing.

Ok it's really not that funny.

"We were bored so we thought we could torture everyone in here by singing to this song," Lilly replied.

Well at least there's some self awareness and honesty in this storyline. Still doesn't stop it from happening though.

"You call that torture?" Jessie muttered.

"I'll show ya torture," James said. He paused the CD and he put it on track eight.




wait er, Dreams is on the second movie's disc. It's ok *deep breath* we're fine, panic averted. So what's track 8

"Uhoh, that's the track with Pokémon World on," Craig muttered.

"You're point is?" James asked.

"He's right, lets get on with it," Morgan said. 'Pokémon World Y2K' by Youngstown & Nobody's Angel started. Everyone groaned when they heard the music.

You know it really is quite annoying what details this series likes to have written and what doesn't. People still won't know outside of the synopsis wtf B'Elanna and company are talking about, but hell we know who sang this song and its full title. HURRAY

The group started singing along to it very loudly. They all stopped when the Doctor, complete with rabbit suit, walked in. Everyone burst out laughing. The music continued to play by itself. The Doctor didn't look at all amused.

Yes because there's an instrumental/karoake version of every song on every album available to everyone.

And yes we get it, the doc wearing a fluffy outfit with ears is hilarious

"Hi guys, nice singing," Tom said.

"So much for torture," Lilly muttered.

"You being nice must have a catch," Jessie muttered.

You're not wrong! but the catch is for the readers, not you

and me

but I did this, I deserve it

"That's right, we want you to sing as a band in our new TV show," Tom said.

"What? All of us?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, you can make your own songs up or use other people's songs," Tom said.

I'm too bored for trivia time. I really should though. Okay, sigh.

triviatime: I can't pretend VTV Live started the band trend. Kidz Trek has that little honour. I'm not sure how and why, I think I can safely blame it on (my newfound fixation with) Steps, and later Aqua. It was barely in the Kidz Trek narrative, it was something I liked to do when listening to music; imagine music videos and dance routines. A few characters from Kidz Trek were picked for this and I'm still not fully sure who, as they keep clashing with their FV counterparts.

It all happened during Season One where I must've been still thinking about Kidz Trek (that was cancelled/given up/revamped completely during Season Two), as Steps and Aqua were properly discovered in 2001. And yes lol I realise I cursed them into splitsville, I figured that out even back then :P

All I know for certain is these things:

+ James, Jessie, Morgan and Craig were members of this group because DUH they were Steps and Aqua. But hey, my main excuse was Kiara and/or Roxanne from Kidz Trek were in the original band, with KT's Tani and Steve who were the building blocks for James and Jessie.

+ The Kidz Trek band went from a 4 or 5 piece, to a trio, a 6/7 member crowd, and then to a 4 piece before Fifth Voyager replaced everything and KT was in a trashbin. It's why FV-Lilly leaves in the next season. Consistency bitches.

+ I think Kiara was always in the band, with Roxanne joining temporarily at some point. I keep thinking its the other way around as Roxanne=Morgan and Kiara=Kiara. I'm sure the permanent members were Kiara, Tani and Steve. The definite here is that FV-Kiara joins in the "fun" because of the other's inclusion as well.

Lilly is the trickiest part. I really think I chucked her in to the KT band because of FV, because I can't think why a Kidz Trek Original character was in a band with the Voyage Home lot. Yeah they merge in Millennium, but since that was Season Five I can't see where band stuff fit in there. No, my main confusion here is that I never saw KT-Lilly as the sort who'd join a band.

I have a feeling I forgot on purpose as you can tell I really don't like this band stuff.

Strange thing to say since I still have musical scenes in the series, with Upendi potentially being the latest, Games Matrix episode 5 is/was certainly a definite. It's not that I don't like the singing. I didn't like other aspects of it. It took over a lot of Season Two, the singles were released at Rhianna speed, the videos were ripped off, making them violently about Seven could've been funny if done right but they weren't. Their first name, which we'll see in a moment. Lilly being included at all. I have thought about retconning that out, as she isn't needed for this so called plot.

It isn't all bad. I liked Bittersweet. It's not perfect, not by a long shot. It does the band stuff justice, the character development for Morgan in that is the best she gets until Season Four IMO. I have big plans to improve on the episode, its potential is through the roof. If it wasn't so late in Season Two I probably would've rebooted it by now. Oh well. Moving on at last!

"You can also make up a name for your band," Harry said. The five huddled together and they whispered for a couple of seconds.

Yeah um, take your time.

"PokéBall is at your service," Morgan said.

It's ok if you can't think of anything. Sleep on it, take a vote.

"PokéBall?" B'Elanna muttered.

"That's the name of the band," Craig said.

No seriously, there's plenty of time to think of something. Let us know later.


FYI I've already decided their name will always be Virus. It's not the greatest, it's pretty bland but it's fitting. They're covering catchy pop songs that get in your head. WTF does Pokéball mean, that they'll catch Pokémon? What's that got to do with music?

"You won't, this'll be fun. Oh by the way, do you guys have any ideas for the show?" Tom asked.

Chat show, gossip thing, news show and tortu... er music slot seems reasonable to me.

"Well actually, have any of you heard of a show called SMTV Live?" Lilly asked.



Yeah yeah I know with a title like VTV Live that SMTV was always the inspiration. You don't have to blatantly say it... oh what am I saying, it's the FV way. AT LEAST I'M HONEST *EYE ROLL*

Ten minutes later:
"What have we got so far?" B'Elanna asked.

"The Tom Paris Show, B'Elanna's Gossip Corner, Harry's Voyager News, PokéBall's Jukebox, The Poké Fight, The Disgusting Objects Show aka The Post Bag, Pals, An episode of Pokémon and Main Cast Strip Search," Tom replied happily as he looked at his pad.

Oh, oh god. What else is on?

Tom Paris Show: Is this the Michael Sullivan show but with Tom as the new host? Why would Jessie, James, Morgan or Craig be ok with this? Knowing Tom I doubt it'll be that different.

B'Elanna's Gossip Corner: this still tickles me. Tom's the gossip. This isn't a made up thing for later FV. Tom's done very little but try to get James and Jessie to make out and tell everyone about it. Wasn't there elements of him being a gossip in original Voyager? I got it from somewhere surely. B'Elanna doesn't fit. It's because I couldn't think of what she could do in a show like this, right?

Harry's Voyager News: ???? Oh because in that one episode he said he was a reporter in the Academy. Ok ok, I'll give you this.

Pokéballs Jukebox: SIGH

The Poké Fight: This will never be as funny as the Misty and Gary "BRYAN" fight, so don't bother. Seriously youtube it, it's there. Search for "Poké fight Bryan", the first result isn't the whole thing but is better quality, the third is the whole gag but obviously recorded with a phone pointed at a TV playing a VHS.

wtf is the Disgusting Objects Show and what does it have to do with Post Bag? I really don't remember this SMTV segment.

Oh of course there's a Pokémon episode.

Main Cast Strip Search: um

I don't know if I want to know

"No it isn't, we need to work out which songs to sing and how many and we have to work out which episode of Pokémon to show," Morgan said.

"Three songs per episode, Morgan. You guys get to decide which songs you want. We'll put a viewers choice thing on for the Pokémon episodes," Tom said.


"Lastly, why are you three doing this show?" Morgan asked.

Surely this question would've sprung up a lot sooner, like oh I dunno at the beginning?

"Just look outside, it's dull and boring out there. The crew need entertaining," Tom replied

Yeah well that's a good a reason as any...

PokéBall looked outside, the ship was still inside the boring old nebula that they'd been passing through for days.


"I think we should start programming the sets on the holodeck," Lilly said. Everyone nodded and they rushed out of the room.

ohyeah i can't wait

Trivia time that's a lot briefer than the last one I promise: VTV Live was originally called something like Tom, B'Elanna, Morgan and Harry's Show, and for a time it was shortened by abbreviating it.

Obviously there was no band, no James & Jessie, no Pokémon s$$$e, and I probably was going to attempt to make original segments for the SMTV inspired show, not rip it off. Apart from James and Jessie not existing in the FV universe, those were the good old days.

So far I'm struggling to find what was so good about this episode that multiple people voted for it in the polls. Were they taking the piss? Nothing's happened.

Captains Log Stardate: 54019.6 - Tom, Harry, B'Elanna, Morgan and a few others have set up a TV show to replace Neelix's show. The show is called VTV Live and it will be on tonight at 0800.

JESUS, it must be slow if Janeway's reporting on it. Maybe she's drunk on Cherry Coke.

She's got to be since she's made that 0800 mistake again. Ah Hunters, even you were better than this.

Nah SMTV was a morning show, I couldn't have made that mistake twice. I barely believe I did it once.

Nearly everyone on the ship were rushing somewhere with a good view of a screen. On each screen some strange animation and music started, the animation formed into a title: VTV Live.

Aaaw, you know this episode has something far more interesting happening in the background. The Boring Nebula of Despair that sucks everyone's sense of taste from their brains so they're desperate for any sort of entertainmnent, and worse yet FIND IT GOOD *jots down idea into Reboot One notes*

"Hello everyone and welcome to the first ever episode of VTV Live, hosted by me, Tom," Tom said loudly over the cheering.

"And me, Harry," Harry said loudly.

"And now Morgan and B'Elanna will tell you what's coming on tonights show," Tom said. The camera shifted over to Morgan and B'Elanna who were dressed casually.

Let me guess, we'll get that list again

"Firstly we've got something for you Pokémon fans out there, there are five episodes on todays list and you, the viewers, can contact B'Elanna to tell her which episode you want showing today," Morgan said.


I can kinda get by the Pokémon themed skits/segments, whatever. If done right you might get a good laugh at the characters acting like idiots. Though you probably haven't so far OHSNAP. But what the hell does the reader get out of knowing there's a slot for Pokémon episodes and that the crew can vote which one they want to see. I'm serious. What's the point? WHO CARES

SMTV Live worked with showing these because it was a kids morning show. There are two toddlers and two teenagers on this ship (no I don't remember what age Lilly and Emma are, FU WORLD DOMINATION), this is a show for the entire crew. Do I need to be any clearer?

"And today's episodes are: Pokémon Shipwreck, Holy Matrimony, Pikachu Revolts, Charizard Chills & Flower Power. If you don't know what those episodes are about contact our resident Pokémon expert, Tani, for episode reviews," B'Elanna said.


Oh look Tani got involved after all. It's not just James and Jessie who have been shoved randomly into a plot they had nothing to do with.

Why would a girl who's been raised on a Borg sphere be a Pokémon episode expert? Do you have any idea how many episodes there are now let alone how many there would be in the 24th century, jesus. Does she do anything else but spam watch these things? I bet Ash Ketchum is still the ten year old MC in season 378.

"Now to tell you what today's episode is going to contain. People send in disgusting things into us so Tom can eat em.

So, Neelix will be involved too?

 Characters in Pokémon, acted out by us, fight for some stupid reason with some stupid Pokémon.

How is that any different to the rest of Season One?

I'd say ohsnap in caps but that was an easy dig. You saw it coming

"People yell at each other and swear at the presenter in The Tom Paris Show. There will be some brainwashing going on in our Friends skit, Pals. Another song from out new band," Morgan said.

So I was right, it is the Michael Sullivan Show.

Yeah, I remembered Chums, er I mean Pals. Season One's very Geordie/English, I'm disappointed it isn't called Mates.

"We'll finish off this episode with a quick strip search of two main characters and then one more song from our pop band," B'Elanna said.



"Great show tonight, isn't that right Voyager!" Tom yelled. Everyone in the room cheered in agreement.

"But now it's time for The Postbag!" Harry yelled.

Aaaw Voyager, you really do have no taste but that's canon. Fair Haven ffs.

"I'll go first," Morgan said. She reached into the bag and she pulled out a pad with a little bag attached to it. "It says: I was drinking Cherry Coke one time and I noticed something floating in it. I realised it was my chewing gum, I thought I'd send it in. P.S. EAT IT!"

Oh I think I do remember this SMTV segment.


"But it's been in someone else's mouth," Tom moaned. Harry picked it up and he forced it into Tom's mouth. He spat it straight back out. Everyone cheered and laughed at him.

So we have this, and the Abuse Tom Paris Show. Why is he okay with this? It's his show, isn't it?

B'Elanna carefully took a huge piece of Leola Root out of the bag. Harry somehow had a handy fork with him. He stuck the fork into the Leola Root and he pushed the fork towards Tom. B'Elanna held him down as Harry stuffed the Leola Root into Tom's mouth. Morgan tried not to look, she suddenly felt really sick.

FV really loves its detailed torture scenes

Don't worry Tom, James and Seven will take your place soon enough.

"Okay everyone, it's time for the Poké Fight, but first lets see one of Tom's Home Videos," Harry said. The camera view changed.


It was on the Bridge. Emma walked in very oddly. She walked straight over to Kathryn. "You know what really p***es me off about you? You're stupid croaky voice," Emma said in a slurry voice. "It's always 'Do this' 'Do that' and 'Chakotay report to my quarters,' it bloody gets on my f*****ng nerves, oh and Chakotay is mine. Hi Chakotay, you're f****ng gorgeous!" Emma said in her slurry voice.


it's a different drunk video, he probably accidentally got the tapes mixed up

I wouldn't be surprised if he got this by spiking Emma's drink too

"Janeway, you b**ch! There's no Cherry Coke in the Brig! Plus it's boring. Oooh, Tom's over there and.. hey he's got this cool thing on his head," Emma said. Kathryn walked towards the camera.

"Tom, why have you got a camera on your head?" Kathryn asked.

"Er.. it's the latest fashion," Tom's voice replied.


James walked over to the camera and his entire face blocked out the camera as he got closer to it.

Yeah James would totally do this

I guess he's never been shy

"Cool, do you think I could wear something like that?" he asked.

"Nah, it's not you. Pink frilly things is more you," Tom's voice said.


James never gave a crap about fashion, clothes or whatever the hell this is. You just put this in to set him up for that frilly pink joke. And what? Why is pink frillies his thing now? You think he's stereotypically girly and/or gay because... oh you know what, you don't deserve anymore thought.

Sexist Crap Count: 1

I guess another very reluctant trivia time is incoming: The James is gay jokes are primarily just another Pokémon thievery. Everyone seems to think TR-James is because he crossdresses in order to trick people (in a Japanese show where it isn't a big deal I believe), but mainly its because he's voiced in America (or was) by a guy who thought he was and voiced him as if he was and made it so annoyingly stereotypical.

Oh and of course his FV "actor" is gay so that was probably a factor too, though it wasn't public knowledge and past me was so James/Jessie blind she saw their actors doing a Lene/Soren too.

I don't think FV-James ever does anything stereotypical, so the joke never really made sense. He was/is sensitive and had a mentioned twice childhood trauma that made him nervous around flirtacious women. The most recent gag involving him has been Tom's insistence that he fancies Jessie and wanted to get footage of them kissing. Tom's jokes about him being gay never really made sense when he was doing this too.

Jessie obviously hadn't heard what Tom had said. She snatched a trading card off James, he snatched it back.

"That's mine!" he snapped.

"No, it's mine!" Jessie yelled. She then wrestled him to the floor. The camera moves down to see Jessie on top of James, trying to take the trading card away from him.

Yeah, I'll put £10 on "stuff that didn't happen"

It's Season One but this STILL seems like a massive out of character stretch.

What, did you want a NOW KISS

She then wrestled him to the floor. The camera moves down to see Jessie on top of James

I'm sure Danny would've loved this description.

This is more risque than any of their actual ahem love scenes, so yeah up my £10 bet to £100. I'm gonna be a millionare!

"Ah, here's some action. Look carefully audience, they appear to be fighting for a mere Pikachu trading card but instead this is just a alibi so they can just get close to each other," Tom's voice said.


This is embarrassing. In B4FV1 there's a nice little episode called Paris Camera, inspired by a nice little fanfiction called Meowth Cam(era). I remembered now that in that Meowth is spotted with the camera on his head, James does what my James did and is insulted in the exact same manner. I dunno what the item is but Jessie steals something from James and the same thing happens.

Why, why did I rip off this fanfiction twice? HAHA

At least Paris Camera tried to be more original, this didn't bother. Everything's mostly word for word, which explains the pink frilly comment and James/Jessie's quite hot collar tugging fight scene lol. I didn't write them technically, that explains everything.

"YOU DON'T KNOW A THING!" they both yelled. Suddenly two fists hit the camera and it went fuzzy.

Yep, this too. Nothing's original.

It's sillier than you think. James and Jessie are involved in this show, more than just being guest performers for the music segments. Name one season or episode where either of them would be okay with this clip, whether it was real or acted, being shown.

You can't, can you?

Suddenly Morgan jumped in front of the camera with denim shorts, yellow tank top, red braces and white trainers on. She also had a dodgy orange wig on her head.

"Hello, I'm Mmmiisssstttty!" she said in a screechy voice. If you don't know what she said her name was, it was Misty.

Oh come on, what a missed opportunity. You could've copied and pasted the Mmmiisssstttty and did the whole scene like this: Mmmiisssstttty said.


Jessie and James rushed into the studio with Team Rocket outfits on. Jessie had a long red wig on her head and James had a blue wig on his head. "Oh, it's the wrestlers!" Morgan screeched.

Oh of course they'd play these two, why step out of your comfort zone

"Yeah, we weren't doing anything else. Speaking of which where is Pikachu and the other twerps?" James asked in a deep but goofy accent. And no, that's not his normal voice.

Why would you ever think he did?

Though to be fair from Season Two onwards I've imagined James' look and voice to be a million miles away from his chosen actor. Neither are deep voiced or have goofy accents (despite what Tom likes to accuse James of) but you really won't have a clue how I imagine James unless I tell you, so how would you know he ISN'T deep voiced with an OTT accent?

Suddenly Tom and Craig ran into the studio. Tom was now wearing light blue jeans, white trainers, black t-shirt, blue jacket and a stupid cap. He also had a dodgy black wig under the cap. Craig was wearing horrible brown trousers, a dodgy jacket, an orange t-shirt and trainers. He had a dodgy brown wig on his head.



"I sure did. So, who got the Pikachu Trading Card?" Tom asked.

"He did," Jessie muttered. James just grinned.

James won the wrestling match?

I'm actually surprised.


Not being sarcastic. Even in present day scenes Jessie tends to win in any kind of fight, as he usually goes easy on her or does nothing. I know how it sounds but it's true. Season One Persona James winning a fight with homicidal bats$$$ insane Jessie seems like another reason to be buying that lottery ticket. It just doesn't happen. It'd be like Tom winning in any season.

"So that little wrestling match was for nothing or did you enjoy how close you were to each other?" Morgan asked in her screechy voice.

Oh yeah, the fight scene was James and Jessie practicing for future seasons............... snigger. MY BAD that's why he won

Danny: HAHA

"How dare you!" Jessie yelled.

"Yeah, we challenge you to a match," James said.

Oh yeah this is Poké Fights not the James & Jessie Pron show. Let's do this!

"Count me in too, for I am Ash, a Pokémon Master, and Misty is my Master Girlfriend," Tom said. Craig sulked.

Haha even in fiction Craig gets denied the girl, and for Tom too.

"For our first Pokémon we choose the Bush CD Player," Jessie said. James brought out the dreaded Bush CD Player that the whole writing gang feared. The pair turned to the audience.


Yeah FYI the Poké Fights in SMTV consisted of gags like this, not real Pokémon. This and their Star Trek parody (2099's Captain was so Morgan like it was eery) were the best skits the show ever did. The latter tho was after this episode was written. It was the Chums replacement so yeah, you're not gonna see it stolen/parodied here, not until Resistance anyway.

"This is a truly evil Pokémon. You put CD's in it and it scans the CD for ages," James whispered to the audience.

Well it has been a while, I'll forgive the explanation.

I wonder if Firera ever had babies with the replacement. It sure seemed like it was going that way. I ship it.

A little card saying ten minutes later, covers the camera. It moves away and Morgan and Tom are going insane because the CD Player hasn't loaded yet. Suddenly Morgan kicked it and it blew up.

"Wooh! Critical hit!" James yelled. He hifived Jessie.


"For revenge we choose for our Pokémon, Rabbit Attack!" Morgan yelled. Tom turned to the audience.

"This Pokémon is very powerful against Team Rocket because they despise rabbits," Tom whispered. Suddenly a horde of toy rabbits were thrown at Jessie and James. Jessie screamed. Morgan and Tom laughed at them.

Ok, I really hope this was pitched and rehearsed because :( poor Jessie

"Now we have the ultimate Pokémon, one that all people fear," James whispered to the audience.

"We choose The Fat Man!" Jessie yelled.

Never mind. Rabbit assault deserved.

Suddenly the holodeck started shaking. Jessie and James put gas masks on. Tom, Morgan and Craig gaped in horror when they saw who was coming into the set. The Fat Man tried to walk through the door but he got stuck again. There was this disgusting noise and a horrific stench came towards Morgan, Tom and Craig. They tried to hold their noses but the smell just came straight through. They ran off the set, screaming. Jessie and James cheered.

You know it's nice that I was bothering to describe stuff, but the stuff I did describe was either extremely boring or just plain torture porn. And offensive. Sigh.

Marill and Raichu were standing next to a console watching the show. They both had a packet of crisps. Raichu


Phew, thank god I got that out of my system

She was about to put it in her mouth when she saw that a Pokémon Tazo was in her hand. She started jumping up and down in joy.

"What's wrong with you, it's only Pikachu Revolts, you've seen it tonnes of times," Raichu muttered as she stared into the screen.

"No, look, it's a Marill! I've finally got my own Marill!" Marill yelled. Raichu managed to tear herself away from the screen.

VTV LIVE: based on true events

"This Tazo could be my trademark, ya know. I'm Marill and so is the Tazo," Marill muttered.


I'm sorry, I only speak English now. My Moron skills are a bit rusty.

"Yeah, I'll just say I wasn't involved when you get sued for violating copyright," Raichu replied as she continued to watch the screen.

But, what? Nothing's changed. Marill hasn't decided to call herself that now. WHAT? My head hurts. It's coffee time right?


*comes back 5 minutes later*

Five figures were standing on the stage. The camera couldn't see who they were because the lighting was dimmed.


The song 'Double Trouble' by Eric Stuart & Rachael Lillis came on, the group, which was PokéBall started to do a dodgy dance routine while singing along..


I should've picked up on earlier examples of this sooner but... DODGY, dodgy dance routine. Why is it dodgy/strange? Why???????????????????????????


We go straight into the next scene after that. Why do I get the feeling the routine was cut out like Conspiracy's Tragedy routine (I'm sure there was singing in that, so so sure).

Would explain the dodgy comment. I put it there after deleting it and shaking my head.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy," the audience chanted. Tom was on the stage holding a microphone. Kathryn and Chakotay was sitting on the chairs that were on the stage.

Oh so now it's J/C's turn? Keep a close eye on your coffee.

"And what do other people think about this bizarre situation?" Tom asked the audience. Everyone cheered in agreement. "Captain, you said you had a plan that'll help Craig get over his girl chasing problem," Tom said.

Wait, what?

What do I have to do to get my J/C scenes?

I got an idea but Craig's not gonna like it.

"That's correct, Mr Paris. Chakotay and I believe that Craig's problem is that he's never had a girlfriend in his whole life, so we thought if we could get him one he'll stop chasing after innocent girls," Kathryn replied.

That's... unfortunately accurate but please don't generalise like this.

"The girl doesn't have to be a proper girlfriend. All she has to do is pretend that she wants to go out with him and then we'll see what happens from there," Chakotay said.

If Morgan comes out I'll eat my hat, and that damn thing has a fluffy pompom thing on the top. Anyone else sure, but Janeway or Chakotay wouldn't volunteer their daughter for dating duty fake or not.

"It appears that the Captain has already chosen a couple of girls who have volunteered to get Craig to stop chasing after poor girls. Probably most of them are desperate to get him to stop chasing them. Anyway lets meet our three girls," Tom said.

Aaaaw damn it, I'm going to have to eat my hat aren't I?

The doors that lead into the studio opened and three girls walked up to the stage. One girl was a guest star and the other two were Morgan and Tani. They sat down near Kathryn and Chakotay.

I'm going to have to start from the beginning to do a J/C ARE S$$$ PARENTS count. WTF is *cough, splutter* this?

"Well I kinda feel sorry for him and.. " Hayley replied.

"Woah there, that sentence was getting far too long for a guest star. Tani, why did you volunteer?" Tom asked.

I'd laugh but I'm still mad

and choking on dark red fluff

"I just want to stop him from chasing after me. I'll do anything to stop him from chasing me," Tani replied.

Oh ffs Craig, I'm getting you the snip as a belated 21st birthday present.

"She's lying, she just wants to get a boyfriend so James gets jealous, like that'll ever happen," Morgan muttered.


"Which one, Tani getting a boyfriend of James getting jealous of Craig?" Tom asked.


the first one's too mean Tom but still, legitimately laughed

The of ruins it. Fixed it as I thought it deserved it for making me laugh.

"Both really," Morgan replied. Tani nearly exploded in rage.

"I can get a boyfriend!" Tani snapped.

Oh Morgan, this is why Tani turns on you later. ohgodspoilerz

"Then how come you're here? Can't you get a boyfriend the normal way or do you have to trick other lads," Morgan sneered. Tani quickly got off her chair.


That's not cool Morgan, that's not cool. This is no longer funny, and I only found the James jealous of Craig bit funny.

Though if that's Tani's game it's a good question.

I'm thinking is this rehearsed & faked or did Tani and Morgan have a behind the scenes spat?

"Why are you here then!" Tani yelled back. Morgan stood up to face her.

"Because I'm sick of people like you, using him to get to other lads and I'm sick of people who insult him just because he wants a girlfriend. It's not his fault that nobody likes him!" Morgan yelled. Tom stood in between them.


God damn, she is hopelessly naive but this is actually kind of sweet since she's sticking up for Craig, and James in a way.

Though from our point of view she's only guessing that's what Tani is doing. We don't know, Craig could be PADDing her for all we know. That sounds so wrong. It is so I'm keeping it.

It's hard to say who's wrong here. I honestly don't remember. Maybe this is the Season Two storyline kicking off.

"Now girls, break it up," Tom said calmly. Morgan and Tani sat down in their chairs. "Now, lets summarise. Hayley is here cos she's sad, Tani's here cos she wants to make James jealous even though he acts gay.."

ffs Tom, name one thing James has done that's stereotypically gay. He certainly hasn't done anything actually gay, unless Jessie has been secretly a man this whole time and even then James would have to know this for it to be gay, otherwise he's hetero and been deceived.

I'm waiting and be careful how you answer. I'm not particularly fond of the "camp" stereotype as it is, I never was. Even back then, that's why Tom's guilty of these backwards and offensive generalisations, I didn't like him and so the characters need a reason not to. More obvious news at eleven.

"I heard that! You're a dead man," James's voice said over the intercom.

I'm not particularly fond of James overreacting to being called gay in later stuff now. It's homophobic, but more importantly it gives him an air of insecurity which he's not meant to have in that area. I created him to be the most open minded out of the lot of them (one of the reasons he was picked for a certain part of Coming of Time instead of even Chakotay, Tom had no chance there), mainly because of how his father tried to raise him, it's a rebellion of sorts. Sigh.

But still, I'll accept this because Tom's a jackass talking crap about him behind his back.

And I'm always for James threatening violence in Season One. In a few episodes it'll be the norm, so...

"Now you know why you are here, don't you?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," Craig replied.

Awkward. Does he know he's being misled too??

"Which one of these three girls would you choose to go on a date with. Hayley, the guest star who'll just disappear at the end of the episode? Tani, who obviously has got it bad for James? Or Morgan, who is probably the only person on the crew that really thinks of you as a friend?" Tom asked.


"I can't have Tani, I heard what Morgan said before," Craig replied.

"Drat, so much for plan A. Now to think of a plan B," Tani muttered and she left the studio.

Okay Morgan was right and Tani probably blabbed this plan to her friend, but Morgan is Craig and James's friend so yeah she couldn't keep quiet. All is forgiven and it does pave the way for their falling out later.

"Hayley is nice but she'll probably disappear after this episode," Craig said.


"I choose Morgan coz she's really nice to me, unlike other people," Craig said.


"Oh, match made in heaven," Tom said. Everyone on the stage, except Tom, left the studio.

Yeah this is definitely scripted and rehearsed. Morgan didn't go on the stage to get Craig to stop stalking her, or anything. She definitely didn't do it date him. There was very little fuss over his decision. It was a shrug and walk off. Maybe the Tani fight and James intermission were real, but you never know. Following scenes should help figure that one out.

"And now for my final thought. We all have to have some kind of companionship, whether it's a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or even maybe a pet. So if you're alone now, go out there and find yourself a companion






Oh and P.S Craig doesn't know that this is a plan to stop him drooling over other lasses.

Yeah, no s$$$. I can't see Craig volunteering to be made a fool on live TV.

So until next time, take care of yourself and others," Tom said.

Oh fu Tom, this would be a nice message if your show wasn't humiliating a 21 year old boy and teasing a 16/17 year girl that she can't get a date.

"And now it's time for Pals!" B'Elanna yelled. The intro came on as the holodeck changed programmes. Thirty seconds later the intro stopped and the camera started rolling on the new set: a flat.

"Pals is sponsored by Cherry Coke, the most addictive thing in Fifth Voyager. It even gets you saying Cherry Coke when you're suppose to say something Cherry Coke."

Oh god, giggle, I remember this.

I'm certain this Cherry Coke gag is ripped off too. It's too good to be mine.

Tom walked into the set, everyone notices that he has a black eye, but B'Elanna pretends not to notice.

James? making momma proud again

Has to be, doesn't it? No one else was really mad at him.

"Hi B'Elanna, I hope you don't mind me watching Cherry Coke, it's a great Cherry Coke program," Tom said.

"Of course not, Cherry Tom, I wouldn't mind watching something Coke," B'Elanna replied. Tom sat down on the sofa next to her. The TV switched on, it was actually Coronation Street.

Yeah, so far it's not as funny as I remembered in those brief seconds.

"Did you know that Cherry was raped by Coke. He was arrested by the Cherry Coke?" Tom asked.


Can we leave the R word out of something that's meant to be funny. It soured the whole gag for me. It wasn't necessary.

Actually I'm taking that out, it's not on.

"By the way, do you realise that nobody else is here in the flat, B'Elanna," Tom asked.

"Yes I do Cherry Tom," B'Elanna replied. Some cheesy music starts.

Ok I assume you get the joke. Cherry Coke, Cherry and Coke is replacing random words. So what exactly was Cherry Tom originally?

Why is Tom's sentence normal?

"Me and B'Elanna all alone in the Cherry. I feel as though, I'm going to Coke her," Tom said as he faced the camera.

God damn it, I'm in an office, I'm trying badly not to laugh here. This sounded so wrong too, making it funnier. Dirty minded cow that I am.


"Coke me, you Cherry Coke," B'Elanna said. The two were about to coke, er I mean kiss when Harry and Morgan walked into the flat.

Okay, this scene so far is worth the effort it took to get here.

"Hi everyone," Harry said.

"Did you say Cherry Coke?" Morgan asked. She rushed into the kitchen.

Of course Morgan is more affected than the others lol

"You know that weird disease that people get if they drink Cherry Coke, well they've found a cure. Two Doctors are coming over to cure Morgan," Harry said.

Gee, I wonder who these two doctors are.

"That's great Cherry, it'll be Coke if we can talk proper Cherry again," Tom said.

"Ohno, you haven't drank any of Morgan's Cherry Coke have you. You know that stuff makes you say it's name all the time so you have to get more," Harry said.


"Cherry, Cherry, what makes you think such a coke?" B'Elanna asked as she stood up. Tom stood up as well.

Harry being called Cherry works too well for me. It kinda rhymes

"Well for one thing I'm not called Cherry, secondly I can hear Morgan crying because you've drank all the Cherry Coke," Harry said.

"It's all gone," everyone heard Morgan cry from the kitchen.

All he had to do was point at her. He really likes stating the obvious and ruining the jokes.

There was a knock on the door. Harry answered it. Jessie and James, who were dressed in doctor clothes walked into the room.

Oh god, are we gonna get more pron from these two? Playing doctor?

"Hi, we're from the team that causes trouble," Jessie said.


Motto Count: 1

"Surrender now because we're not making any more house calls," James said.



I know, it's not an original line, TR-James says it, but god damn. Still sniggered.

"Where are the suckers.. er patients?" James asked. Morgan ran into the room. She got on her knees in front of Jessie and James.

Ohno, I see where this is going.

"Please tell me you have Cherry Coke, if not I'll go and hang myself now," Morgan asked.

"Hmm, the will to commit suicide. That's the final symptom," Jessie said.

"She'll be dead by tomorrow," James said.

"But you said you had a cure," Harry said.

Yeah a "cure"

"That's Coke! If you cure her she'll have nothing to Cherry suicide about!" B'Elanna yelled.

"Hmm, misplacing words with the Cherry and/or Coke. She's in stage two, she's treatable," James said.

What stage am I in? I haven't had any in weeks, stupid flu. If my half bottle in the fridge is flat I'm gonna be very painful to live with. Oh, what else is new?

"We must give you the most vile pop in the world, something that's incredibly addictive but cheap," Jessie said. Everyone gasps in astonishment.

Diet Coke With Lemon, my old nemesis.

Oh a year or so too early.

Dr Pepper?

Oh yeah cheap... um Pepsi's cheapER. No?

"Smartprice's Orange Juice," Jessie replied. Everyone gasped in horror.

"It's very cheap but it's very addictive. It makes people want to buy it," James said.

Oh god that takes me back

I never considered it vile though, bitter though and probably spiked. I always thought I wrote Hunters drinking it but it's more than likely responsible for Aggressions Part 2. I should sue.

"But it's not as dangerous as Cherry Coke since it's cheaper and it doesn't make people want to commit suicide when they're without it," Jessie said. Tani ran in and she made her way to the kitchen.

"AAAAGGGHHHH! Why does nobody have Smartprice's Orange Juice!" she screamed.


"That's the problem with it, not many people get it because it's the cheap chat stuff," James said. Tani ran back into the room.

True dat, I have the not from concetrate stuff in my fridge from... TESCO *DUN DUN DUN*

"I'm begging you all, please tell me there is an Asda near by so I can get some Smartprice Orange Juice," she said.

"There's one Cherry by the bus station," Tom replied.

Of course it is, this'll be based in my hometown. Surely Morgan would be going there to refresh her stocks or is Asda withholding Cherry Coke again, GASP! THIS IS BASED ON REALITY, THEY REMOVED THE CHERRY COKE SO PEOPLE WOULD BUY THE ORANGE JUICE



"Unfortunately for her, we have about two cartons so we can cure you. Too bad she's not getting any," James said. He opened a carton and he poured all three a glass of the orange juice. They all drank it.

"Aaah, another lot cured from the money grabbing hands of the Coca Cola company, lets go," Jessie said. She and James left the flat.

This has nothing to do with what was posted, but Tom waltsed into the set with a black eye and apart from B'Elanna pretending to not see it, there's been nothing else. James and Tom must be very good at this acting gig.

"That's not that Orange," Morgan said.

"Hmm, it is very Smartprice," Tom said.

Pfft this is so dumb, I Tesco this would happen so Juice.

"Come on lets get to Asda and get Orange more," B'Elanna said. They ran out of the room to go to Asda.

"Oh great," Harry muttered.



Just outside Jessie and James were giggling. Suddenly their clothes changed to Asda uniforms. "It looks like Team Asda is conning off again," they both said as they shot off down the corridor. Suddenly everything froze.

Wait what, James and Jessie did what with their clothes? Damn this episode isn't shying away... oh wait *blush* MY BAD, MISREAD

"Will Morgan, Tom and B'Elanna ever get cured from the addictiveness of branded drinks? Will the gang ever find out about the Doctor's being Asda sales people? Will Tani ever get some more Smartprice Orange Juice? Answers to none of these questions will be revealed next time on Pals," a voice said.

Oh I can't resist. No Morgan will eventually rise to be the empress of the Cherry Cokes and lead the war against the Asda Walmart Armies. Tom and B'Elanna will be divided between and it will put a strain on their marriage. Could love be what brings these two warring factions together?

James and Jessie will run into thier old copycat nemesis' Tani and Steve from the Tesco Corporation, and a mighty battle will threaten to wage until both James and Jessie knock their Kidz Trek alter egos out in one punch. It is tense for all of 2 seconds. Tani and Steve are regular chumps with 5 minutes of character development, it is their downfalls.

FV-Tani will be heavily rewarded with an orange juice pool, which Morgan will drain and fill with Cherry Coke. Tani defects to Tesco's briefly hoping to nab Steve, James' Kidz Trek clone, but he gets confused at the two Tani's in his life and she's back to square one.

The credits started.

And the end.



Well let's see how everything tallies up.


1) It'd be okay if the scene was funny but Damien's brief return, only to be taken away by the Devil contradicts Season Two. Oh wait, that wasn't planned in until Dimension Jump? Scratch that. It's just not funny, full stop.

2) The rabbit bit goes on far too long. Sometimes less is better.

3) VTV Live itself is setup completely wrong. The reason why they're doing it isn't one of the first things shown or mentioned, we don't even know about the nebula until Morgan asks. Or unless you read the synopsis. Them talking about it is snoozeworthy. It takes up about the same amount of time, at least, it's probably more than the actual show itself.

4) I honestly don't get why B'Elanna is involved in this at all, but her being in charge of the gossip show? Ha! That's even more unlikely. It'd be like me teaming up with some half decent writer and they were put in charge of writing the fourth wall s$$$y jokes while I write a serious romance story rated 18. It's just, what?


6) I'm still baffled as to why the Pokémon episode polls were talked about so much. One mention and move on.

7) All shows do this, however it's so blatant that the future band wander in, with Lilly who hasn't done this before, to sing over a Pokémon song when Tom and company are struggling to figure out how to make their show better.

8) Tom's Home Videos is just Meowth Cam, I'm not even sure if Emma's drunken rants were even original after seeing the James/Jessie part.

9) Speaking of which, the video shows James and Jessie grappling on the floor, described as Jessie being on top of him, over a trading card. It's very suggestive. I have questions over whether or not they'd do this legitimately anyway. My issue with it is would James and Jessie be okay with this being shown to the entire crew if it were real? Would they even act it out for Tom's amusement and allow it to be seen? By the next scene they are seemingly okay with it and they do know since it was part of the Poké Fight act.

Season One James/Jessie would never do this, Season Five James/Jessie would never do this. It's not a matter of this is Season One, I'm thinking in Present Day terms how small I've become. If it were real Jessie would flip out and beat Tom to near death before the Poké Fight aired, or if found out during said Fight it would be on screen. James is debateable, depends on which mood he's in. He'd either eat popcorn, help her or stand around pouting.

Since Jessie's so sensitive on the subject, and the proof's season wide here, she wouldn't have offered to act such a scene. IF she was told to improvise and so tackled him, then Tom said his "close" line, she would again be super pissed off and beat him during or before the Poké Fight for airing it. She wouldn't allow it.

I'm sorry, not buying it. Of course this goes with point 8 well enough, it's simply Meowth Cam. Who cares if it doesn't fit with the characters, it's funny damn it!

10) Another pointless writers scene.

11) I don't get the point of the Tom's Show scene, other than show Morgan/Tani tension and I'm not even sure if that storyline was in the works before Season Two started. It's all wrong. Why is J/C chosen to discuss Craig, why is Craig so eager to take part in this program so soon after Fair Haven 2, why is J/C ok with volunteering (or letting her volunteer) Morgan for this even if it is fake (Craig doesn't think it is), why DOES Morgan show up if she's tired of people picking on him, why does nothing at all happen after Craig picks her if he doesn't know its fake. Even if he did, surely there'd be more to the show. I'm not saying they'll kiss or have a date, more like it'll be a further pisstake on Craig's behalf. I honestly don't know what is happening and I assume back then I didn't see the point and so ended it to do the Pals scene.

12) Behind the scenes someone gave Tom a black eye, James very likely after the gay gag (again Jessie seems totally cool with the crew seeing her rolling around the floor with James, and Tom's winkwinking comment), which we're to assume was adlibbed unless the black eye is fake. Since B'Elanna pretends to ignore it I'm gonna say its real, why ignore it if it was part of the act? After that it's never mentioned again, there's no subtle dig, a threatening eye glance, nothing. That's it. James hits Tom and everything is okay, show must go on. Bit weird in a series that's very anti-Tom.

13) James and Jessie have both had plenty of characterisation and development in Season One that separates them from their Team Rocket name-inspirations. So I ask, why is the series still jamming the Team Rocket stuff down our throats. TWICE this happens here. THRICE if you count that the first song choice for Pokéball is Double Trouble, the Team Rocket song and you know who would've had lead vocals on that number.


1) At least we were spared Pokéball's *cringe* Double Trouble performance, at least since 2005. It could've been there before the episode's edits, who knows if I don't for sure.

2) Even though I have a feeling the "Cherry Coke" replaces other words gag isn't original, I thought the Pals bit was worth the wait and a little funny.

3) I have many issues with the scene but I'm completely on board with Morgan's betrayal of Tani (who obviously blabbed to her friend about her jealous plan) to protect her new friend(s). I'm not sure if she was sticking up for James too, some of her dialogue makes it seem she does as she says "lads" plural. She's definitely sticking up for Craig though. I mean I wouldn't be as positive if Morgan only assumed this wrongly or otherwise, or blabbed about something else, but Tani was intending to use Craig to trick James which isn't nice at all. If Morgan didn't defend Craig I'd be calling foul. She does so credit is due.

4) Tom's definitely ditched the Jesse James jokes in favour of being ooh James and Jessie sitting in a tree KISSING, as it should've been all along. I'll always try to remember to credit this, unless he's going all drink spiky overboard.

5) I like the general idea of the episode. There's nothing else going on, the crew are bored and so a few decide to entertain everyone.

6) James once more being a violent vengeful asshole. This is the James we all know and love/hate/indifferent about. Don't worry once thee episode where that's his default persona kicks in, I'll stop creding this unless I have a good reason to bring it up. Yes that's confirmation I'm Re-Reading Season Two. Maybe, I'm thinking about it. Once Thrown Key is done I'll need to waste time some other way, won't I :P

Marill's Rating: 3/10

Exclaimed Count: 0 (155) It seems I did a way too good a job editing out these exclaimeds, probably replacing them with muttereds.

Muttered Count: 18 (781)

Motto Count: 1 (18)

Sexist Crap Count: 1 (33)

Jessie's Sin PointsEarned 0, Lost 1 (24)

Morgan the Sue Count: 0 (7)

Seven Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 0 (2)

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