Marill Re-Reads Voyager's Drinking Game

Here's the stats so far.

Exclaimed Count: 155

Muttered Count: 781

Motto Count: 18

Sexist Crap Count: 33

Jessie's Sin Points: 24

Morgan the Sue Count: 7

Seven Dies Count: 5

James Kill Count: 2

I'm in two minds about this one and I haven't even started yet, I only have vague memories of this one to go on. I really, really can't remember why anything actually happens. Why is there a drinking game?

I know the episode was only chucked into the season listing before FV started because the idea of a drinking game revolving around Voyager was funny to me, but with no idea how to implement that into an episode. A drinking game is something a viewer does in response to cliche/reoccurring stuff. For example you'd get totally wasted and committed to a hospital after a couple scenes if you were told to take a sip everytime you saw the word muttered. Yikes. Seriously though, unless the Voyager crew watch something what are they "betting" on? I honestly don't remember.

Let's find out shall we? I'll get back to writing again someday :(


Everyone was standing around, bored to tears.

The next person to cry because they're not in a life or death situation, I'm gonna make it quick. And by that I mean, I'll start scoring it... yes, ahem, cough.

"Oh come on, somebody has to have a talent we haven't seen yet," Tom said loudly. Everyone just ignored him. "We really oughta do something different," Tom muttered. Harry walked up to him.

Talent night? Isn't that usually a sign of a good 'un?

This is the third one in this season. I know three years go by during it but this is ridiculous

The writers and Charizard walked into the room.

"Wait a sec, the writers are here," Tom said.

Oh god

Please tell me Tom's popped out to get a rifle.

"God you must be desperate, the writers' only talents are being silly and annoying," Harry said. Tom ignored him and he slowly made his way over to them.

Damn it Tom, you had one chance for redemption. Now you're forever an annoying jackass, congrats

"There's something really dull in the air, wouldn't you say Charizard?" Firera asked.

"I thought it was Marill," Charizard replied.


My feelings.......... he's not wrong

I'm curious as to what episode of Pokémon this is stealing from.

"That sounds like it's right up our alley!" Charizard giggled.

"Wouldn't it be exciting if Charizard and I can demonstrate our talents here?" Firera said.

"It would be exciting if either of you had any talents to demonstrate," Marill muttered.


Some dodgy music started and Charizard started to dance the Flamenco.


"It's in my blood, the Flamenco!" he yelled. Marill stared blankly at him. Everyone turned to stare at him.

Oh yes, this is definitely stolen. I remember it. I just don't know what IT is.

Time for Google to rescue my frazzled brain



Phew, it is Pokémon. I had to scroll much further down to nab a quote Google recognised as one but I did it. Crisis averted. An episode called "Flower Power". All of the ohsnaps I knew were too clever to be me behind them. Though I don't get the original "there's something festive in the air," followed by "I thought it was Meowth". What has he been eating?

Anyway... it's barely worth quoting the funny quips that aren't mine but hey

"You'd better get a blood test," Marill said. Firera started doing ballet. Marill covered her face to hide herself. Tom walked up to them.

This ohsnap was brought to you by 4Kids, the original idiots behind the English dub of Pokémon. Thanks for reading

"Hiya, would you do those dances for our Talent Night?" Tom asked.

"Sure," Charizard said. Everyone groaned when they heard him. The pair ran over to the left side of the Mess Hall. They started dancing.


Marill slipped out of the room as quickly as possible. The Night Shift walked into the room. They stared at the two dancing.

When even 15 year old Marill is embarrassed, it's time to reevaluate wtf you're doing

"Oh god, what do you guys think you're doing?" Morgan asked. The pair stopped dancing and stared angrily at her. Charizard laughed quietly. The Team Rocket music started.

"Prepare for trouble and a dance," he said.

Motto Count: 1

"Make it double, we're in a stance," Firera said. Everyone groaned and most people fell asleep.

TRIVIA: the original line was "I'm wearing tights instead of pants." The writers didn't bother dressing up for this bit like TR did so, nyeh. However kudos for trying to rhyme for once for the replacement, but wtf does it even mean? There's a reason I never did well in poetry.

"Would you guys cut it out!" Tani snapped.

"How dare you interrupt the Fifth Voyager motto!" Charizard yelled.



"Yeah, I'll fix her," Firera said. She pulled out her notepad. She quickly wrote something down. Suddenly Tani turned into Kiara from Lion King 2.


Oh she's "played" by Neve Campbell. She voices Kiara.

Fine. Why is that such a bad thing? I always liked Kiara.

"It won't be so bad. You're a cartoon character, so is James from Pokémon," Charizard said


Are you trying to say that she now has a shot with James, but the wrong James, as an animated lioness? I'm so confused. I really doubt TR James is into bestiality (though Meowth probably hopes he will be someday) or a horrible death by mauling.

 Firera giggled like a kid. Tani looked at Fifth Voyager's James. As usual he hid behind Jessie.

Of course he did. Usually. Fugitives hasn't happened yet. I suppose I didn't decide to write him react to this more adult-ish until a few weeks later.

"I'm a bloody lioness! I can't attract guys!" Tani yelled.


"You never could in the first place," Jessie muttered.


Somewhere along the way the Pokémon episode stopped. I'm sure it's obvious when.

"If you want to change back to your ordinary self you have to say daddy," Firera said.

I know why she says this, it doesn't make it look less um... yeah. Have Charizard say this instead and it looks worse

"Do it now or we'll change Craig into Kovu then he can be your love interest," Firera said. Craig perked up and he looked hopeful at Tani.

Oh god damn it Craig, come here, it's snippy time

I'm bored of this.

"Why?" Tani asked. Firera pointed at Craig. "Oh, er Kovu!" Tani said. Suddenly Tani turned back to herself. "What the hell was the point in that?" Tani snapepd.

LOL so was I when I wrote this clearly, though I was probably already half way through a drinking game of my own

"Well you're played by Neve Campbell, she does the voice for Kiara in Lion King 2. She always cries out to her daddy and Kovu. We just wanted to have some fun," Firera replied. She and Charizard walked out of the room in a huff.

Yeah thanks for the explanation. It's needed, and because it's needed you maybe shouldn't have done it all. I'm with Tani. Not funny.

"Oh, they hadn't finished!" Tom moaned.

"Oh dear, what a pity," Harry said sarcastically.

Tom's started early, it seems. Though isn't Tom usually a fun drunk?

Harry *hi five*

Tom hit him in the back of the head. "Ow! Hey, wait a minute, aren't you guys suppose to be doing your shift?" Harry asked. Everyone in the night shift just laughed at him.

Yeah keep adding to that list Tommy. Why did you hit him? You keep putting yourself on the high road pedestal by saying J/J are wrong for hitting you in retaliation for picking on them, but that went when you hit your own best friend for having taste.

"We only are when the episode needs us to be, so no we're not suppose to be doing our shift," Morgan replied.

Wait hahahahahahahaha

After the Upendi mess they put the same people in charge of the night shift? Did Janeway think they did a good job? REALLY. I assume somebody told her how Jessie treated Morgan and she gave her a promotion as well. YES THE BASICS OF UPENDI WERE PLANNED, IT MOSTLY STILL APPLIES.

"She's right, there is only one hundred and fifty six people on this ship, they've all shown their talents, what's the point of this crap show?" Harry asked.

"Fine! I'll give Talent Night a break for a few seasons, we'll probably have more characters by then. Those writers think you can't get enough of them," Tom said.

Just wait until the season I decide to start culling the cast list down as its too big, but still add two sorta newbies/ex guest stars and Damien to it. HAHAHA

"So what are we going to have instead of the Talent Night?" Triah asked. Emma looked over to the replicator, she saw beer there.

"Ooh, beer!" she yelled. She ran over to it and she started drinking it.

"No, we're not going to have beer," Lilly muttered.

I think you're very wrong about that.

"That's just gave me a brilliant idea," Morgan said.

"That worries me," James muttered.

James needs to be a much louder voice of reason. No one ever hears him

*lols for a minute* James, reason. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's how ridiculous this season can be

Everyone but Tom, Harry, Morgan, Tani, Jessie, James, Craig, Triah, Lilly & Emma had left.

"I still say we should use Futurama," Tani said.

YAY NO CONTEXT, unless you understand the title.

But at least they're actually doing a drinking game, I had a bad feeling they just spend the episode drunk for no reason whatsoever.

It'll be Pokémon anyway Tani, you'd be an idiot to assume otherwise.

"We're using Pokémon and that's final. Anyway we've already made the rules and guidelines for it," Tom said.

If you thought otherwise, you're new here aren't you?

The most interesting part of this quote is it is said by Tom. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?


(i knew that already but hey, if this is an ep you haven't read you can celebrate with me)

"It's simple. For example one of the guidelines is drink one glass when Team Rocket do the motto. If they do the motto you drink one glass. Simple, isn't it?" Tom replied.

Yeah this isn't going to end well

"You get kicked out of the game if you're too drunk, if you collapse, feel sick or quit on your own. The last one in the game wins," Morgan said.

Tom has to win this. It's the only thing he's good at.


"It'll be fun, count me in," Tani said. Harry, Craig, Triah, Lilly and Emma agreed with her. Tom looked over at Jessie and James.

Can I remind you that Tani is 16, 17 years old. No? Okay. Lilly and Emma are probably not that much older, Emma will likely be the same age the real version was at the time so yeah, 16.

Morgan's 16 if she's in. Just throwing it out there.

"What about you guys?" he asked.

"You must be joking," Jessie muttered.

Darn, no more drunk making out for Tom's Youtube channel.

"Yeah, you'll probably have a video camera handy again," James said.

"Oh come on. What will the video camera be for?" Tom asked.


"You know. You brought a video camera with you the last time we got drunk," Jessie said.

"Oh yeah," Tom muttered.

"Well we're not going if you have that bloody camera again," James said.

"I won't, I promise," Tom said.


Seriously James though, I just wouldn't even if he didn't. You two clearly can't control yourselves. If you're gonna make out next time, make sure it's when you're sober.

lol I know that's not gonna happen, maybe the next next time.... after this episode, I don't remember this one well.

"He won't bring a camera. If he does I'll just beat the crap out of him again," Morgan said.

"Again?" Harry muttered.

"Fine I'll come, as long as I get to help you beat him up if he brings a camera," James said.


Tom groaned.

"Oh fine, you all go and have fun. I'll have fun on my own," Jessie said huffily.



"Because I don't want the same thing to happen that happened last time," Jessie said.

"And what was that?" Emma asked.

"I'll show you the video," Tom said.

Tom will be showing this video to their grandkids in 50 years time, regardless of whether or not they got together, mark my words. Flipping weirdo. LET IT GO YOU CREEP

Both James and Jessie smacked him.

Tom stop it, I can't keep posting GIFs

"Oh come on Jess, it'll be fun," James said.


"No, and that's final," Jessie replied. She walked out of the door.

"There's nothing that persuasion can't fix," Tom muttered.

"Maybe we should ask other main characters.. er I mean senior staff to come," Harry said.

"Good idea, Harry. Morgan, you should ask your parents. I'll ask B'Elanna. Harry you'll ask Neelix and Seven," Tom said.

Haha I'm sure that'll go over well

"Hi Mum, Dad. Do you want to take part in the drinking game I've been organising?"

"Of course sweetie. Here have some drugs and ciggies too, we might as well go the whole hog!"

"Before we go, can you help daddy find his akoonah, I dropped it on that lava planet last week."

I... I didn't think this through. I forgot J/C are s$$$ parents.

"What about Jessie?" Emma asked.

"Look if she doesn't want to come who are we to force her," James said.

Hurray, James is back! Tom dressing up as him and whining at her to drink with him was not at all convincing.

"Who are we? We are her friends, right guys?" Tom asked.

"I think she would rather be friends with the fat guy than you," James said.

Now hush, the fat man could be very nice and may treat her with respect. You don't know. Maybe she would. Don't be so prejudice.

Go stand in the corner and think about what you said. NOW

"Oh, you hurt my feelings," Tom said sarcastically.

"If you don't shut up they won't be the only things that hurt," James said.

James stop it, you're making me dizzy. One line you're an asshole and the next you're modern James, so still an asshole but in character... *shrug* I DUNNO LEAVE ME ALONE

Ooops I forgot during that swinging pirate ship that is James' personality changes

"Ooh, touchy," Tom said.

"Tom, give it a rest," Morgan said.

Haha oh Tom, you're living in ignorance. soon soon. keep poking the tiger cub, I'm sure it won't grow up to maul you later

Do like how Morgan is being the mediator here. The Chakotay genes have to show up sometimes you know.

"All right, all right. Anyway I have the perfect plan to get Jessie to come," Tom said.

"I thought she told you to zip it," Tani said.

Look, even Tani who hates Jessie is telling you to leave her alone. TAKE A HINT. Though she probably wants to avoid more James/Jessie drunk smooches.

"I'll do it for him, in the literal sense," James said.

This is it, isn't it? Modern James is here to stay now, right? Surely he won the Multiple Personalities War here, he had two threats in a row without any stupid in between.


They all heard a disgusting noise. Then the ground started shaking.


he fat man tried to walk into the room but his body got stuck in the door. He pumped, then he was able to walk through the door. Everyone ran out before the smell came to them. The fat man looked over to the kitchen and he saw a bowl of cold beans. He waddled over to them and he started stuffing his face.

Please stop, this isn't funny.

"I'll give you some Cherry Coke if you come," Morgan said.

"I doubt the Captain would agree to a drinking game if you gave her a bottle of fizzy pop," Tuvok said. He saw Kathryn snatch the Cherry Coke off Morgan and she started drinking it.

Haha Tuvok, he's been sleeping through the second half of Season One hasn't he?

"It's fun," Morgan replied.

"And that's suppose to persuade me?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes," Morgan replied.

"Okay I'll come," Chakotay said.

And you thought the lava world line was silly and unbelievable. tuttut, at least it was a little funny and creative. this is snore

"Paris to Morgan. B'Elanna's going. Harry managed to persuade Seven and Neelix to go, don't ask me how. Anyway how are you doing."

Isn't B'Elanna pregnant?

Just asking.


hahahahahahahaha, I asked you, now what Tom huh!?

"Oooh, can I come?" Kiara asked.


"No, we'll be drinking alcohol and you're too young for it," Chakotay said.

"Oh, I wanted to drink Cherry Coke," Kiara moaned.

"There's nothing stopping you now," Morgan said.

"Yey, lets get some Cherry Coke!" Kiara squealed. She dragged Naomi back into the turbolift.

This is how Naomi gets her dumbass brain tumour, isn't it? Too much dragging, not looking where she's going

I remember when Kiara was a little cute despite her obvious pain in the ass kiddyness. Now she's another one-of-them, isn't she? sigh

Jessie/James' Quarters, 0800:
James was getting ready in his room aka The Mess.


I love this capitalised, sue me



Don't try to convince me they're doing this drinking game in the morning. VTV Live being on at 0800 can be argued, but an alcoholic drinking game. Oh fine, they're all a bunch of alcoholic crazies, it could be!

Thinking about this seriously, how the hell did I get this wrong THREE TIMES? I'm sure I always knew military time. WTF. 2000 HOURS, IT'S NOT HARD

He heard a scream coming from Jessie's room. A few seconds later he heard a banging noise coming from his door. He quickly slipped his jacket on and he opened the door. Jessie pushed him out of the way and she ran into the room.

"What the hell is going on?" James asked.

Hmm let me think

+ Tom hiding in the wardrobe with a camera

+ A stranger trying to forcefeed her drugged sweets, hiding in the wardrobe

+ The makeup is spiked

+ Her clothes all have I LOVE DRINK GIVE ME SOME written on them

+ She knew James was getting changed so she hoped to run in on him - maybe next time don't scream, tiptoe

+ There's a sale on in the replicator but she has no rations

+ She read Timeless

+ She read Upendi

I could do this all day, try me

It's interesting that James hears Jessie screaming and banging on his door, so it has to be bad right, but he must put his jacket on first before rescuing her. She could be getting murdered in those seconds. His tshirt can't be that embarrassing surely. If there isn't one, god forbid she sees his bare chest and arms. THE HORROR

"Luckily" it's

"Spiders," she stuttered.

"Where?" James asked.

"My room. Eeew, they were so big and creepy, do something," Jessie replied.

I feel ya Jess, I really do. Problem with this is I gave her yet another fear/crippling quirk, she has enough. Faints at lots of blood, motion sick, fear of rabbits, fear of running out of make up. Enough already.

Wait, why is there spiders on Voyager? (lols at the memory of either B4FV3 or S5 also having a spider scare someone into missing their shift) What has this got to do with anything? Are the spiders coated in booze?

"I can't, I don't like them either," James said.

"You should have seen it, there's probably about twenty in there. I locked the door so they couldn't follow me in here," Jessie stuttered.



Oh, now I remember this. There is a point, I remember.

And lol Jessie, locking the door to make sure spiders don't get out. Bless you, if only that worked

wait, how big are they!? 0_0

"So where are you going to live?" James asked.

"I don't know, the Living Room. I'm never going in there again," Jessie replied.

Hey, I have an idea *wink*

"Er, what about your stuff?" James asked. Jessie started crying and she collapsed on his bed.

Oh hey, she read my mind. NOW KISS

"My clothes! My make up! They're probably covered in those creepy things!" she cried.

My bad, I forgot Jessie's first true love is her make up and clothes, or herself, take your pick. It's one of those I don't ship. I always found it creepy and one sided.

"Who would want to get rid of them. Anyway if they did manage get rid of them what's stopping those things from coming back," Jessie muttered.

"Good question. What I would like to know is how spiders managed to get on the ship," James replied.

Hmm, yeah. Isn't that something!

"You don't mind if I stay in your room until you get back," Jessie asked.

ALL ABOARD THE SHIP TRAIN... that didn't come out right

"You're joking right. I'll probably be drunk when I get back," James replied.

Ok I know what this looks like, and yeah I'm right there with ya. GROSS JAMES, KEEP IT IN THE PANTS. But no, I guess he's got good reason to worry about it after the last two drunk scenes. At the same time though Jessie won't be drunk so you'd hope nothing will happen because of that.

"Hey, let's kiss."

"Um nope, your breath stinks."

"Ok" *falls asleep*

"God damn it James, you're hogging the middle of the bed!"

Ah married life........................... hahahaha

"Your point?" Jessie asked.

"Well if you plan on sleeping here until I get back then you'll probably find yourself on the floor in the morning," James replied.


What does James mean here? Does he think instead of trying to kiss her he's going to shove her off his bed? That's... that's weird, and worrying.

This is some major backpedaling here right. He or I wanted Jessie/readers to believe he didn't mean he would try to go in for a kiss whilst drunk, and this is the best he could blab out in short notice as a cover?

"Oh good point," Jessie muttered.

"Jess, you've still got time to get ready and come to the game with us," James said.

"Fine, I'll just replicate some clothes and I'll get ready in the bathroom," Jessie replied. She stood up and she left the room.

No, no it's not a good point. I don't even know where this point is.

Is James once again Tom in disguise, maybe using a hologram and the doc's mobile emitter. Why does James keep going to the extreme opposite ends of this argument? GO FFS versus SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS. I don't get it.

Poor Jess, they're gonna be making out aren't they? I mean this scene virtually screams SHIP US. Oh well, some more practice for Love Spell.

"You said we have to come at 0830 hours not 0800," James said.

*painful laughter* please stop, it's 2030, 2030!

"Fine, Jessie's coming and I have to wait for her to get ready. Now stop your whining," James replied.

"Oh good work. How did you persuade her?"

"Go away," James said.

For god's sake, just punch him in the face. I'm tired of waiting. Do I have to go to Season Two to see you smack/kill a bitch?

For the moment slap yourself for convincing her to do something she didn't want to do. Jerk

The Mess Hall, eight minutes later:


"So which episodes are we having?" Tom asked.


"There's the one where you have to drink three glasses when you see a Disney looking scene or thing," Morgan replied.


"The Double Trouble Header, there's 

oh ffs. I could be writing Upendi right now, but instead I'm reading this dribble.

James and Jessie's scene was problematic with him not making sense but at least it was interesting, shippy and well anything character developy. This is nothing. IT'S WORDS. THAT'S ALL

"You have to drink about two glasses when Jessie and James hug each other either out of fear or joy," Morgan said. Tom was about to say something but Morgan deathglared him.

I really should introduce Tom to fanfiction or shippy amvs on youtube. Though the latter would require his videos and that's a problem or three.

"Drinking two glasses is a bit too much, those two are just as bad as our Jessie and James, they probably hug in each episode," Tom said.

I must've missed the episode where Team Rocket got drunk because some asshole shipper spiked their drinks, ending up with them making out on the floor.

This goes on a while...

Basically this Drinking Game rules chat can be summed up with lol Team Rocket and their shippy crap, our James/Jessie aren't that different. NOW KISS

"Looks like Emma's doing that already," James said. Tom saw Emma replicating beer and then she was about to drink a bottle. He rushed over to stop her.

"Emma, you can drink when the game starts," Tom said.

Why? It's not cheating, quite the opposite actually.

"I don't like beer," Jessie said.

"Neither do I," James said.

"Are you sure you're not twins?" Tom asked.


Ohno this is normal, I regularly hope all of my favourite ships are secretly brother and sister. It's sooooo rom*GAG*

lol Morgan and James, good times! I'd apologise to any of their shippers but I'm an evil little cow, mwahahaha.

"Well you both hate heights, the dark, bugs, beer. Only twins and soul mates have the same personalities as each other," Tom said.


Oh and Tom, a little knowledge here I'll drop on your head. Identical twins can't be different genders, unless one changes theirs. Also James/Jessie don't look alike so they wouldn't be identical twins. Even identical twins have differences, so why the f$$$ would non-identical twins be exactly alike with the same fears and tastes?


"Oh just shut up," James said.

I said it first

Seriously this idiot's gone beyond obsession.

"Why not Cherry Coke, coke is too boring," James said.

"Fine! Remember only three quarters of the glass, Cherry Coke, and the rest Bacardi," Tom said. He stormed off.


Twenty minutes later Kathryn, Chakotay, Craig, Tani, Triah, Seven, Neelix, Harry & B'Elanna had arrived in the Mess Hall. There was about fifteen chairs facing the viewport and a large TV. Tom was standing in front of the TV with a microphone.

"Welcome everyone to the first of many, Voyager Drinking Games.

I'm complaining about it but the only interesting development... no sorry THE ONLY DEVELOPMENT of the entire episode is Tom trying his hardest to make James and Jessie hook up. Oh yeah and James is finally turning into the violent doesn't take any sh$t asshole of the "modern" era. More of that please

The actual drinking game has been like the VTV show, discussed to death, it seems it's not even the point of the episode, it's the tool to make other stuff happen. At least VTV Live was the focus.


I'll tell you all you need to know.

Pokémon episodes are being watched. Characters are going to get s$$$faced. James/Jessie will likely make out again. Tom will watch keenly instead of being the hilarious drunk we love.

About ten minutes into the show most of the group noticed the first guideline and they drank a glass. As usual Seven and Morgan got drunk straight away. Morgan stood up and she walked straight up to Seven.


"Listen you Barbie Borg, I'm going to be the first one to lose," she said as she pointed her finger at Seven. Seven stood up and she pushed Morgan out of the way.

"No, Aqua Borg, I'm first!" Seven snapped. The pair pushed their way through the chairs and they both got out at the same time. "I beat ya!" Seven yelled.

Remove the insults and this would be pretty funny

Five minutes later Triah finished another drink and she fell off her chair. She giggled as she stood back up.

"Looks like I'm outta there," she giggled

Hey you laugh, but at least she knows when to stop. kudos

Craig was sitting with Morgan and Lilly. "You know what we should do?" he asked.

"What!" Lilly yelled.

Do something funny?

"Add two more people to our PokéBall band, then dye our hair different colours of the rainbow and then call ourselves PokéBall Rainbows!" Craig murmered.

Craig. Slap yourself three times and go home. Or better yet, go up to James, tell him you want to kiss Jessie, wait for the only possible outcome no matter what season you're in.

I had forgotten about this, now oh god

Morgan jumped up and she hugged Craig.

I thought she was already out of the game and passed out?

"Hello girls," he said in a slurry voice.

"Er, I'm here too," Craig said.

"I said girls you moron!" Tom yelled.

What's this, is this DRUNK TOM?

"I'm not a girl!" Craig yelled.

"Are to," Tom said.

"Are not!" Craig yelled.

"Are to!" Tom yelled.

"Are not!" Craig yelled. There was a thud. Tom had fallen off his chair again.


Nice Aggressions callback on the eve of the finale, nice one.

I don't want anymore though, Aggressions was painful

"How do you know, you weren't in Aggressions," Craig asked.

"Was too!" Morgan yelled.

"How can I argue with my little Borg Princess," Craig said.

Eeeewwww. I need a shower after reading that



"Shut your f****** gob, Willow!" Tom yelled.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT YOU F****** B******!" Lilly yelled. She threw a plastic bottle at him and it bounced off his head.

Oh, it's ruined

Dear Fifth Voyager of the distant past. Fourth wall jokes can be funny, but you gotta be clever about it. Referring to your characters by their actor's names or characters in other things is lazy and stupid. Cut it out before I go all makeupless Jessie on your ass.

Craig and Morgan stood up and they 'walked' over to Jessie, James, Emma & Tani who were dancing to PokéRAP GS by Johto.

Craig whispered something in everyone's ear. He and the other six rushed out of the room.

Oh yeah, the band.

I doubt you remember this, but I mentioned in the previous one that the Kidz Trek version of the band, that was an imagination only thing while listening to music and wasn't actually being written into the series, did go up to six members. Well here it is, here's FV's version. I'm very sorry.

Luckily Harry had gotten too drunk to play anymore  so Chakotay had won but he was a little too drunk to realise it.


I told you the game itself was not the focus

"Hi Honey! You know that we're engaged why don't we get married now," Tom said.

"Okay!" she yelled. They both stumbled out of the room and they ran into the Doctor holding a hypospray.

"Oh, I'm glad to run into you guys. Time to get sober," the Doctor said. Tom and B'Elanna screamed and they tried to push past him. He injected them both and they fell over. "Doctor to Transporter Room, beam Tom and B'Elanna to Sickbay," the Doctor said.

Oh what a relief. Doc ex machina to the rescue!

I remembered them getting married though. Oh well, I know I'm not wrong about the other... thing.

Tom and B'Elanna beamed away. The Doctor walked into the Mess Hall. Everyone stopped and stared at him. Suddenly they rushed out of the room through the other day at the speed of light.

Party's over, too bad!

Other day? lol, called it, even the episode's writer took part in the game.

Unfortunately Pokéball 6, which btw wouldn't work with a rainbow theme Craig you dumbass, weren't here when this happened.

Seriously, look back. Morgan and Craig go over to four people. That's six, not seven.

Lilly wasn't mentioned so I'm gonna assume she was ditched accidentally but hey.

Kiara and Naomi were skipping along the corridor, giggling like mad. They ran straight into some familiar faces.

"Hi Morgan, I like your hair!" Kiara giggled. Morgan, who now had orange hair, picked up her little sister.


Jessie will either go red like Lisa Scott-Lee, fully blue as she had the same blue highlights Lisa had later. Or she'll er, go red like Team Rocket Jessie. RED OR BLUE

James might fight with her over the blue so he can be TR James. Or purple. It sometimes looks lavendery. BLUE OR PURPLE

Yellow, green and pink are definitely up for grabs. Emma likes purple so she'll get that, James is stuck with blue. What yes I'm serious about trying to figure out who has what colours first before I see it. Morgan excluded. Anyway that leaves Jessie with red.

Pink's gonna be with the girls so Lilly or Tani. Craig's not gonna pick pink.

Craig has yellow or green. Lilly and Tani have pink, yellow or green. OH BOY I LIKE LOGIC PUZZLES. Actually I do, the sarcasm is about the subject. Oh wait, FV and logic don't go together. It has its own rules and that's what I'm using.

Might have to guess the rest I'm afraid:

Craig: yellow as he's already blonde

Lilly: pink as she's well called lilly, also a red head.

Tani: green


Craig had red hair,


Lilly had yellow hair


James had green hair

OH FU, YOU PICKED RANDOM COLOURS. Nothing about James screams green.

Jessie had blue hair

YES ONE...........

oh that wasn't even my final answer, but part of the working out. DAMN

Emma had purple hair


and Tani had pink hair.

Well this is embarrassing, 1/7.

"But your in the wrong places. The rainbow is red, yellow, pink, green, purple, orange, blue," Kiara said.

Oh god, Kiara is redeemed. Adorable. bless her

"It doesn't matter anyway. Mum and Dad want you Morgan. They said something about going down to that planet," Kiara said.


"I know why, those two are getting married. I think somebody should stop them, they're still drunk," Naomi said.


Maybe you shoulda said that first.

"Shut up you little brat!" Lilly yelled.

"Watch it Naomi, don't bug the J/C fan," Tani said.

FU Lilly

You're not a J/C fan, Firera is. YOU'RE NOT FIRERA. STOP THIS MADNESS

"What about C/M fans?" Craig asked.

"Who are they, jerk?" James asked.

lol James, that's so weak. Don't drink again

"Does anybody like spiders?" Jessie asked.

"Eeew, those things are disgusting," Lilly moaned. Emma burst out laughing at the word disgusting.

"Why do you ask, gorgeous?" Craig asked.

Remembered my advice earlier, did you?

Craig. Slap yourself three times and go home. Or better yet, go up to James, tell him you want to kiss Jessie, wait for the only possible outcome no matter what season you're in.

James hit him on the head.


"Don't call my best friend gorgeous, you pervert!" he yelled.


James really should learn not to talk when he's drunk. Stick to action.


"Yeah pervert, I do agree with you but you're just annoying. Anyway there's loads of horrible spiders in my room," Jessie replied.

Jeez, we haven't had a healthy does of vain Jessie in a while. Guess we were due.

"Well I'm going to my bed, I'm tired," James said.

"It's only 2120 hours," Tani said.

2120 WHAT'S THAT, THAT'S NOT A REAL TIME, you mean 1120 right?

"Tough! I'm going to my bed!" he snapped and he stormed off down the corridor.


Tani really, you missed your shot there. Who goes to bed at 9:20, that was code. Silly bint.

"Me too," Jessie said and she ran to catch up with him.


"Oooh," Craig said which was followed by a tricorder hitting his head. Don't ask where that came from.

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Clearly a better episode

"That's not what she meant, pervert!" James yelled.

You throw that word around but I don't think you know what it means.

"Yeah, I haven't got a bed anymore. Well I do but I'm not sleeping with spiders!" Jessie yelled.

"So you're sleeping with James instead. Which is worse," Emma laughed. Another tricorder was thrown and it hit her in the head.


Sorry, my phobia's talking.

I'm not Jessie, so I wouldn't have to be worried about being crawled over. HAHA, sorry, I hang my head in shame. Later

"That's so insulting, I'm going to cry," James moaned.

I don't care if he's drunk, and possibly taking the piss. I doubt the latter. FU, I DIDN'T NEED A TIMELINE CALLBACK

This is the same episode he threatened Tom at least three times (I forgot to keep count), smacked Craig for drooling, acted mostly normal, right?

"Now look what you've down you b**ch! And for your information we're only going to sleep in the same room, so shut your f****ng perverty gobs!" Jessie yelled.

I'm really losing my patience here

Though kudos to the Jessie denial. Not enough to lose sin points though.

"Would you mind yelling that a little bit louder?" Lilly asked. The pair ignored her and they 'walked' off down the corridor.

Yeah, I'm with Lilly on this one

What the other four didn't know was that the Doctor was coming up behind them with a hypospray. Emma and Lilly collapsed. Tani and Craig turned around and they screamed. It was too late the hyposprays were used on them and they collapsed too.

Oh what do you know, James and Jessie escaped the detox. WHAT A SHOCK

"How many more Doc?" Tom asked as the Doctor walked into the room.

"About nine more. I know where Seven, Neelix, Triah and Harry are so I'll go get them. You may leave Mr Paris, B'Elanna," the Doctor replied. He picked up some fresh hyposprays just as Tom & B'Elanna left the room.

OR, maybe not?

"You know B'Ella, I wasn't joking when I said we can get married today. You said that you wanted to get married without many witnesses," Tom said.

"You mean..."

"Yeah, that place on the planet, you don't need any witnesses. It's a lovely place to go," Tom said.

So, the drinking game wasn't a thing because they're still in boring no taste nebula?? okay?????

At least I was right about the wedding and good news, it's a sober one. Yay!

"That's great Tom, a normal and simple wedding is all I've ever wanted," B'Elanna said.

"You're just making any excuse to get them down on that planet, aren't you?" Firera's voice asked.

We never got to see Tom and B'Elanna's actual wedding, so why bother with this crap??

Tom and B'Elanna walked inside the church. It was small and on the inside it was painted a light shade of blue. They both could hear talking coming from the other room but they couldn't make it out. They both walked up to a receptionist.

"Hi, we would like to get married," Tom said.

"Yeah, I know the drill. What species are you?" the receptionist replied.

"Human," B'Elanna replied. Tom briefly stared at her.

Let me guess, J/C stumble out drunk and married.

Interesting that the Delta Quadrant aliens know Human wedding rituals. winkwink.

"That's good, we know that one. You'll have to wait until the other couple come out," the receptionist replied.

"How do you know Human?" Tom asked.


why tell her that if you didn't think she'd know it?

"Hello Mrs Chakotay," Chakotay laughed.

"Hi, Mr Janeway," Kathryn giggled.


Trivia: Season 2 episode Territory was partially written very early on. The episode did still follow its draft when typed up. I don't know when it was written, but it's definitely an oldie and probably older than this episode. Why am I bringing this up now?

"TERRITORY"/LATE SEASON 2 SPOILERS. Lena/Morgan are the same person, FYI.

The doors to the main room burst open, and Jessie & James looked to see who was coming up. They stared in shock.

"Yey, me a Mrs!" Lena yelled in a slurry voice.

"Wooh, party!" Craig yelled. He had 'idiot' written on his face, and a beard was drawn on him.

Lena threw the bouquet onto the floor, and she stepped on it. She and Craig headed out. As soon as they got out they walked off in opposite directions to each other.

There's self awareness that I'd already done it, or they would've had similar lines here. I rewrote them knowing I had done this with J/C. Good lord how I hate Territory

Break away from that draft copy past Marill, not all episodes turn out like World Domination when you do.

Kathryn threw her bouquet backwards and Morgan caught it. She screamed and she gave it to Kiara. Kiara giggled.

Yeah, that got a giggle from me. Then I remembered the above spoiler.

Kathryn, Chakotay and Kiara walked out of the building. Morgan was about to follow them but Tom grabbed her arm.

Yeah, good idea Tommy. Everyone gets one.

Though you really should stop Kiara. Poor kid's gonna be scarred

"Tom, you're a dead man when those two find out what they did," B'Elanna said.

"Not really, it was Morgan who persuaded them," Tom said.

"Yeah, but they won't kill their own daughter, they'll choose to kill you instead," B'Elanna said. Tom swallowed hard.

Yeah I'd blame the guy who spiked two people's drinks and then filmed their resulting kiss too. Who wouldn't? This is just his style.

The next morning, Kathryn's quarters:
Kathryn and Chakotay woke up with the sound of Kiara running into the room. They both looked at each other.

"Oh crap! I knew I shouldn't of went to that game," Chakotay muttered.

"Same here. Lets hope we didn't do something else more stupid," Kathryn said.

Something else more stupid. Okay

"I'm getting married," Kiara said as she held out the bouquet. "Oh yeah, you forgot the rings last night. Here you go," Kiara said. Suddenly they heard a scream.

"MY HAIR! IT'S ORANGE!" Morgan's voice yelled. She ran into the room and she just stared at her parents with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh.. my.. god," Morgan said.

"Could this day get any worse," Kathryn said.

Oh Kiara, haha

Morgan knows what's up though, poor girl

J/C never really did get together yet, did they? Morgan wouldn't be so dismayed unless they're um, naked for all to see on top of covers. Yeah FV wouldn't do that, also Kiara would've been shocked and grossed out too.

And yes it probably can get worse.

They both stopped outside Jessie and James' quarters.

"You know they're probably not even up yet," Lilly said.

"Then we'll wake em up," Emma said. She pressed the door chime.

Oh boy, here it comes. And I say that with no enthusiasm.

Inside the quarters was empty Cherry Coke bottles on the floor. The pair had fallen asleep on James' bed. He was the first one to wake up. He sat up and he looked around the room. The Mess was even messier, the empty space was covered in Cherry Coke bottles.


He noticed that Jessie was lying next to him with a Cherry Coke bottle in her hand. Another bottle fell off the bed and it crashed onto the floor. Jessie woke up.

Lol, I can see this being used on a drink awareness video.

"Jess, please tell me that.." James said.

That you crashed out after drinking a supermarket's worth of Cherry Coke. Yeah. What's the big deal, that's my Friday night.


"No, don't worry about it, just look at yourself," Jessie muttered.

Yes everyone, they seriously think they did more than makeout this time after waking up surrounded by CHERRY COKE BOTTLES

I mean yeah they're drunk and don't remember the night, but still this is a fricking funny image.

And I'm sure James would have noticed by now he's wearing clothes. You'd notice right away if you woke and sat up without clothes, it'd be drafty surely. That wasn't meant to be rude, I swear.

Oh and Jessie. The Love Spell. That's not always a sure thing. I won't list why, I shouldn't have to. Use your imagination.

He did just that and he sighed in relief, they both were still wearing their clothes from last night. She opened the bottle of Cherry Coke and she drank some. "Ugh, it's flat," she moaned and she dropped the bottle by accident.

I have one little nitpick. Yeah James is usually the one who gets paranoid, worried and he does IT WELL, in matters like this. That's fine. This is in character. But it's reaching that Jessie's cool and collect in the seconds after waking. She doesn't remember the night, slept in his bed and I doubt had time to not only look him over for clothes, but also notice what kind of empty bottles during that sentence he DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO FINISH.

Season One Jessie would've gone on full blown hysterical denial mode. Sure she denies but calmly like it's no big deal.

Though they are alone so... make of that what you will.

"Well we just wanted to say that Tom will come down to your quarters later to get rid of the spiders," Lilly said. Emma started laughing.

mmhmm wait for it

"And you've got very nice hair," Emma laughed.

"What do you mean, I've just gotten up, what do you expect," James moaned.

Oh yeah green hair. Jessie had time to see what he was wearing, look around the room, she didn't see this?

Oh you know how she's gonna react when she sees her own.

"Is there enough for two?" James asked.

"Why?" Lilly asked.

"Well..." James muttered.

Wait, James noticed Jessie's?

Knowing her, I'm surprised he wasn't more concerned that she'd flip out than the possibility of them drunk sleeping together.

Or did he put two and two together after the others mentioned their dye jobs? No, he looked at her. You can't miss bright blue hair. Maybe that is what he meant all along hahaha. One night stands wasn't even on his radar in that "oh god Jessie we didn't," he was referring to dying each other's hair.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!" Jessie screamed.

"That's why?" James replied.

"Oh, I see," Lilly replied.

"Why is she in your room?" Emma asked.

You're one cool customer Jamesy. Jessie and her hair is something YOU... DO... NOT... WANT TO MESS WITH

"Spiders are in hers, remember?" James replied.

"Yeah I know, but I thought she would sleep on the couch not with you. What were you up to last night?" Emma laughed. Lilly elbowed her hard in the arm.



Tom's wired Emma hasn't he, she doesn't care about this

"Nah, I doubt it. It's not like anybody would of gotten married," Jessie said. The door chime went off again. "Aaaghh, I'm not letting anybody see me like this," Jessie said and she ran back into his room. James had to answer the door to a grinning Tom.

"My James, nice hair," Tom said.


"Oh, B'Elanna and I decided to have our wedding last night when we were sober, you know at that nice chapel. You never would of guessed who we saw getting married last night," Tom said.

Don't you dare lie Tom, you hit him James, hit him

"The Captain and Chakotay," Tom laughed.

"You what?" James muttered. They both heard Jessie laughing from inside James' room.

Haha I like how Jessie thinks that's funny, dunno why

"Not really, I hate weddings. I promised myself not long after my mum wanted me to get married to Dannielle that I would never go to a wedding," James replied.



wait, does he know?? He didn't hide in the cupboard during Test of Time did he? OHBOY

"Not even your own?" Tom asked.

"I'm not getting married," James muttered.

"Don't say that, Jessie can hear you," Tom laughed.


Suddenly Jessie burst into the room and she stormed over to Tom.

"What's that suppose to mean?" she asked angrily.

"I would of thought you would of worked it out," Tom replied.

"I have you moron! That's why I'm going to kill you!" Jessie yelled


"Oh yeah, I forgot about my spiders, excuse me," Tom said. He walked into Jessie's room.  A few minutes later he walked out with a little tub of spiders. "Did you like them Jessie, I bought these little toy spiders from this shop on that planet we passed four days ago. Oh well I'd better go," Tom said. He left the room laughing.


"James, get me a knife," Jessie said.

"Okay, as long as you leave some for me," James replied.





Well let's see how everything tallies up.


1) Like VTV Live there's a lot of time wasted on setting up the game, explaining its rules and what show they're gonna watch. Notice how the actual show and what things were supposed to cue people to drink weren't important whatsoever. The episode's far too long for this reason. Half of it could go and it'd be fine.

2) Yeah Tom's obsession with James/Jessie is there for a reason, but it's getting really weird and creepy(er). And I say reason, as in its important for a later storyline. Tom actually doesn't have a legit reason for being obsessed. The only time it really made sense was in the prequels, it's a jealousy thing. He can't still be in the main seasons (and yeah the prequels didn't exist or were that developed back then), it's just sorta hung in there like a bad smell. I bet if you ask him he wouldn't be able to give an answer.

Um yeah my original issue is how obsessed he is. He wants her to get drunk clearly to get a repeat performance, why else? He doesn't seem as passionate about anyone else taking part. The biggest one is planting spiders in her quarters so she'd be forced to go out, after commenting that he won't take no for an answer and will "persuade" her. Gross.

3) Janeway/Chakotay's relationship throughout Season One is basically non existent. It's under developed. I know a lot of things is, but J/C not only was the inspiration for Voyager fanfic but it was also meant to be explored. I definitely fell on the side of they shouldn't get together because Kiara sprang out of nowhere and there was one kiss. There should've been further stuff that would have hinted at a get together in a later season. This episode happens and the marriage isn't meant to be a good thing, it was a spanner in the works they had to deal with, something that'd be negative for a while as they dealt with it.

Season One skips all the hints that I honestly do not remember now, other than near miss kisses caused by interruptions, and jumps straight into the drunken wedding. It's an issue with Season One, sure, the episode though highlights it in bright yellow by its rushed nature.

4) The writers scene. Always the writers scenes.

5) They decide to do a drinking game because? Emma mentions beer? Talent night sucks? They're already bored with VTV? What?

6) If in doubt it's always gonna be Pokémon. There shouldn't be any doubt, that's how predictable it is. Oh and the music, when did I get a Steps album? I know Aqua was in June. Tired of all the Pokémon soundtracks

7) Drunk Tom isn't even that good, the only funny bit(s) were exact copies of Aggressions' version. It was even ruined.

8) I'm getting annoyed with James' boomerang personality. One minute he's defending Jessie over her right to choose, the next he's "oh please get hammered with me". Then there's the very modern threatening of Tom when he's pestering her about it, while he's still hiding behind Jessie when Tani looks at him or drunkencrying because Emma said sleeping with spiders was better than him. Something I know he'd probably agree with, or joke about himself in later episodes. SO YEAH, PICK ONE ALREADY, PREFERABLY THE ONE YOU HAVE FOR THE MAJORITY OF 2 AND LATER. SHEESH

9) If I see one more blatantly wrong time I'm gonna delete Season One on the spot. There's no excuse for this error. I've always preferred digital clocks, I use a computer all the time, HOW THE F$$$ DO I GET THE 24 HOUR CLOCK WRONG THREE TIMES. Drinking Game gets it right later, which tells me they do start drinking at 8am but I refuse to believe that. I mean think about it, forget the alcoholic anonymousness of it, 2120 is mentioned later. They're either drinking/drunk for 13 hours, or an hour and a 20 minutes. Which is more believable?

10) I'm still baffled by James' suggestion that if Jessie used his bed while he went to the get pissed game, that she'd end up on the floor when he got back. Yeah sure James is a violent ass later, and clearly in this episode, but never to her. So its not that he'd flip out and hurl her out of bed in his drunk state. I really doubt he's worried that he'd be so um, thinking of a tamer way of putting it, flirty drunk that they'd both end up on the floor (and of course that doesn't fit as she's sober and likely would turn him down, ignoring the badly written Silent Scream - it's the f$$$ing chip but hey lets not badly suggest it as only a possibility for TWO SODDING EPISODES), it's extremely unlikely he'd do anything anyway if she did. And lol this is Season One, this is James, I doubt he'd be thinking like this.

All I can think of is he'd be a goofy drunk who'd return home, go "hey someone's in my bed", roll her off, laugh and pass out in her place. It's the most likely knowing him and the context of the scene, but I'm not buying it either. I don't get it, the lack of context and abruptness of the line makes it look really wrong.


1) Despite a couple of odd lines, James is on track for his Season Two and beyond persona. Threats and smacks, all in a day/episode's work.

2) It wasn't what I intended for Voyager's Drinking Game when I first created it, BUT and despite my whining, I prefer that the game isn't like VTV Live and is the point of the episode. The characters are. Sure it's shoddy, and I guess James/Jessie's bit is the only one half good, points for doing it though. Tom's continued being an ass and nosey about James/Jessie (great foreshadowing for their story in Season Two, which I know was definitely on the cards at this point), Janeway/Chakotay getting their shippy butts kicked and yeah it's not meant to be in a good way, Tom/B'Elanna who wanted to be married do do so when they're sober despite the nearmiss.

Yeah this is a shippy episode for all the pairings, but thankfully Morgan and Craig, badly disguised in plot and title as a silly one episode only event like the previous one.

I would've been calling foul if two episodes in a row did the general same thing; make it only about the game/show, with everything else in the background.

3) Apart from James' weird on the floor line, I liked his and Jessie's scene together. It's probably the first time where it's believable that they're friends, and we've not had it screamed in our faces. I'm thinking too much about it, especially with hindsight, but you can see how comfortable Jessie is with him, there's a lot of trust there (and yes I kinda am referring to the awkward morning after scene here too. Jessie didn't flipout for a reason, I think she knew they wouldn't have done anything). James mostly shows her respect - I say mostly as his inconsistency gets in the way - and defends her when she's not around to do it herself.

Yeah in a nutshell, digging the James/Jessie pairing lately.

Marill's Rating: 4/10

Exclaimed Count: 0 (155)

Muttered Count: 36 (817)

Motto Count: 1 (19)

Sexist Crap Count: 0 (33)

Jessie's Sin PointsEarned 0, Lost 0 (24)

Morgan the Sue Count: 0 (7)

Seven Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 0 (2)

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