Marill Re-Reads Timeline
Here's the stats so far.
Exclaimed Count: 127
Muttered Count: 269
Motto Count: 10
Sexist Crap (against my own gender) Count: 8
Introduced in Demon²'s review is:
Jessie's Sin Points: 6
It wasn't long ago when I rebooted this, thinking it'll be a simple edit job with a couple of new scenes, only to find out a few scenes in how wrong I was. Timeline was the second episode written and it was done so on a tiny flip book, hastily scribbled down probably so I wouldn't forget any of it. When it came to releasing it, it looks like I only copied the draft word for word and quickly put together a subplot for newbies James and Jessie who weren't in the draft.
We'll play a little game because of this, well I will. Excluding the scenes that are solely about them, guess which character said James or Jessie's lines in the original draft.
Ok so here goes with the super rushed and barebones super duper important episode of the season.
"Do you want some coffee, it's my new blend?" Neelix asked.
"Er..." Tom muttered as Neelix started pouring coffee into their cups.
"Chakotay to all Senior Staff, please report to the Bridge."
"On our way, gladly," Tom said. They both got up and walked out of the Mess Hall.
Heh heh. I think this is used later but for now this is only a little bit of fun before crap hits the fan. Got a smile out of me anyway.
"According to our scanners, the sphere has lost it's connection to the hive," Chakotay replied.
I'm not sure if this is something that you could detect. That's a mighty dangerous feature if so. I think I changed it to be a part of the distress call.
"On Screen," Chakotay ordered. The viewscreen activated showing a teenaged female drone.
"Long time no see," she said.
"Excuse me, but do we know you?" Kathryn asked.
Oops. Not the best way to re-introduce yourself. Even at 15 you would know better than to dive straight in, it sows seeds of doubt. One of many problems with Timeline... it doesn't.
"Oh of course you don't recognise me, I've got all of this Borg crap on me," she said.
"Wow, the Borg have learned to be sarcastic," Tom muttered.
THAT'S NOT HOW SARCASM WORKS
"Who are you?" Kathryn asked.
"Kiara," the girl said.
"Kiara who?" Tom asked.
See. Look how quick this is. Why would she do this?
And lol Tom, Kiara's not exactly a common name.
"This isn't funny, who are you really?" Chakotay asked.
"Kiara Janeway from the Starship Voyager. If I can come aboard I'll explain everything," the girl said.
We'll find out very soon that she knows how old Kiara is now and has knowledge of a possible future for her, that isn't good, so why would she show up all Borgy and jump straight in with "I'm your 2 year old daughter lol".
Also can you feel the pre-Aggression Part 2'ness? The joke's aren't shouting in your face "LOL DAMN YOU", most of the characters aren't parodies of themselves, the scenes are quick and mostly painless, to the point with no distractions, no fourth wall crap. It has Aggressions Part 1's a little bland style as I suck(ed) at writing serious and original scenes.
I imagine you'll see the difference when the "new" scenes rear their heads, which is very soon so don't panic. Silly crap incoming.
Anyway they believe "Kiara" and beam her straight to Sickbay, THEN they have this quick conversation:
"Captain, what do you think?" Chakotay asked.
"It's not like the Borg at all to be acting this way. To find out that she is who she says she is, we'll have to let the Doctor take a look at her," Kathryn replied.
"Now that you mention it, she does strike a resemblance to Kiara," Tom said. Kathryn & Chakotay stared at him.
Yeah Tom, I wouldn't be saying that. That's like putting an Assimilate Me sign on their kid and chucking her at the Borg.
James and Triah sat down at a table. Craig snuck back into the room, luckily Neelix didn't see him. James and Triah gave him a funny look.
"What? That furball decided to make me his new Guinea pig for his new coffee blend," Craig muttered.
I was wondering when we'd be racist to Neelix. Done and done. Who's next?
"I see what you mean," Triah said. Craig turned around and he saw Neelix coming up to them with the flask of coffee.
"If he asks just say that I can't drink," Craig said.
"Why don't you tell him then?" James asked.
Is this your first day on Voyager? Neelix doesn't take no for an answer. You'd have your mouth stitched up and he'd still try to forcefeed you his Leola Root Spaghetti Bolognese with extra hair pasta.
"Hello everyone," Neelix said with a big grin on his face. "Do you want some of my new coffee?" he asked cheerfully.
"No," James and Triah replied quickly.
"Craig, what about you?" Neelix asked.
"No thanks," Craig muttered. Neelix sighed and he walked away.
Oh nm, it IS that easy. It's easy to forget this isn't the 14th episode (or more accurately 11th) written. It was the 2nd, before the series went to bizarro land. My bad.
Though this scene has got to be a new one. At the very least it was a short conversation between Craig and Triah, filler in between the Bridge and Sickbay scene.
"Er guys, where is Jessie. She usually hangs around with James," Craig asked.
No one cares and yeah we've noticed. I'm amazed she hasn't chained him to her yet.
"Oh she's getting her hair done again. She does it every few months. She usually gets it trimmed so there won't be much difference," James muttered. Right on cue Jessie walked into the room. They gaped at her in shock.
OMG JESSIE WALKED IN. THE AUDIENCE BOOS
"Not much difference, huh James?" Triah said sarcastically. James and Craig ignored her, they were too busy gaping at Jessie. Her hair had blue highlights in. Triah groaned as Craig stared at her for too long.
I was joking in the last episode about James drooling. Some unintentional foreshadowing for you.
Yep I was right, James and Jessie didn't get their current Steps "actors" until Timeline. This is the elbow nudge about it. Get it, she has Lisa Scott-Lee's old hairstyle, nudge.
Oh and close your mouths boys. Her Chain Reaction look is better anyway, James's too.
"Craig, stop staring at me or I'll pull your eyes out," Jessie said. Craig stopped staring.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, she doesn't actually do this and even with her past behaviour I doubt she would. I'm going to allow her to get out of this one sin free.
Craig notices this in the reboot that nobody cares that James also leered at her. It's only creepy when Craig does it, even if he did do it longer.
"I got sick of the old look. I thought that I could try the look I wore when I was fourteen to fifteen," Jessie said.
"Well I think it's nice," Triah said.
"Thanks, Tri, too bad the boys don't think the same way," Jessie said.
Yes because they were staring at you because your hair was so hideous.
I'm not complaining. This is what Jessie's supposed to be like. So insecure about her looks that she sees even the most obvious stuff like "drool staring" as a hint that she's ugly.
Jessie's Sin Points: -1
"I think you look even more beautiful than before, will you go out with me tonight?" Craig asked. Triah smacked him on the head, followed by Jessie. "I take that as a no then," Craig muttered. Jessie looked at James.
I get Jessie hitting him for his millionth flirtation, but Triah? She was supposed to gentle. Who cares, what does James think?
"It suits you a lot. It's really nice," James muttered. Jessie sat down next to Triah.
Oooph, Triah's compliment was very similar to his. Not good.
"Oh, something about a Borg distress call, the sphere's supposedly been separated from the collective for thirteen years," Triah said.
When did we get the 13 years bit?? Hmmmmmmmm, yes this scene does look like a one that was written months later (but likely was written seconds after typing up the draft) when I forgot that wasn't mentioned previously. OOOPSIEDAISY
"Not Craig. What's up with James?" Triah asked.
"Oh, long story, you don't want to hear about it. All you have to know is that it was my fault and it's been going on since April," Jessie said.
Bare in mind this episode is based in October.
"Oh I remember Tom telling me, he saw you two..." Triah said.
"Quiet!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Sorry, don't worry nobody thought it was a big deal. As I heard it was just a little peck on the cheek, so I think you should forget about it," Triah said.
Ah there's the exclaimed's. I already knew we were in post Aggressions Part 2 territory, but there's your proof.
Yeah I've discussed at length James but mainly Jessie's issues regarding couple stuff. If Test of Time was done properly you'd actually get why she overreacts like this. But no JESSE JAMES JOKES ARE MORE FUN
"It's not that. He's in a big huff with me because of what I said to him afterwards," Jessie said.
"Why, what did you say?" Triah asked.
"Triah, he just asked why I did it and I didn't know what the hell to say since I didn't know why I did it. So I just said I didn't know and it felt right or something like that," Jessie said.
I mean yeah just because she kissed his cheek doesn't mean it's COUPLE TIME. From the way it was written it felt like a thank you more than anything else, so it's a bit odd Jessie went all "er I um I dunno, felt like it," when a perfectly innocent reason was right there. It's kinda a hint there's more to it than that.
Still, James wondered why she did it. It's not like he asked her for a date or something "worse" after it, he was merely curious and still in the embarrassed by Tom's overreaction moment. Does he deserve an answer? I think so, what with their history of people like Tom making fun of them. I doubt it'd cross his mind that she did it cos she liked him and got caught up in the moment, so he probably was expecting the "I just wanted to thank you" answer.
Meh, lets go with he's in a huff to make him look like a bad guy who felt entitled to more kisses or something. Yay.
Not a sin against Jessie, but the way it's written since she says this:
"Yeah, like I said, it was my fault," Jessie muttered.
"Then why don't you just say you're sorry?" Triah asked.
"It wouldn't work, can you imagine me saying, oh I'm sorry James, for what happened in the Delta Flyer, I mean it's only taken me six months to apologise," Jessie said sarcastically.
Ok this scene has no excuse unlike the last one. THIS IS NOT SARCASM. SHE HAS AVOIDED APOLOGISING FOR SIX MONTHS
"You'd better do it sooner rather than later. But first I think you've got to ask yourself something," Triah said.
"And what's that?" Jessie asked.
"Why did you kiss him on the cheek?" Triah asked.
Cue defensive Jessie.
"I don't know, for crying out loud!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Then it's going to be a lot harder to apologise to him then," Triah said.
And bravo Triah. Wise words. It's true, if Jessie doesn't know or I'm sure it's can't admit to the reason, then she's still in the same frame of mind that upset James; the stupid blow off denial.
Anyway back to Timeline. Get a cuppa, lean back in your chair and indulge in this lesson in how not to do exposition. Spirits will be the primary lesson, think of this as a teaser in the mean time.
"Two days from now my Voyager discovered a wormhole. Voyager entered the wormhole and was attacked by that Borg Sphere. Voyager escaped but the crew had to evacuate. The Senior Staff stayed behind but Engineering caught fire, killing B'Elanna and you two," the girl said as she pointed to Kathryn and Chakotay.
"I had to escape on my own, but my escape pod got pulled into the sphere. Just before my assimilation, the sphere was hit by an artificial temporal anomaly. The sphere got pulled thirteen years into the past. Now the sphere has caught up with Voyager and here I am," the girl said.
Oh sorry, what? I'm awake. Honest.
Let's get our critique cap on, shall we? *cracks knuckles, then takes pain killers*
"Kiara"/the girl might as well be reciting a list, or reading one of my very basic draft plot outlines aloud.
1) Two days later Voyager finds wormhole
2) They enter wormhole, uhoh Borg Sphere
3) They escape, but evacuate. Work out the whys later lol.
4) Senior staff stays behind because lol, this is a TV show duh
5) Engineering on fire, ohnoes
6) B'Elanna and J/C die. So sad :(
7) Kiara runs into escape pod, gets captured.
8) Temporal anomaly out of nowhere, oooh make it artificial. We'll foreshadow later
9) 13 years in the past. Yey loop complete.
Yeah. I dunno, if Season One plots existed they'd probably look like this. Anyway. Next critique is the order of events and Kiara's recap itself. Crew evacuates and senior staff stay behind, that's when J/C die. Kiara escapes with this knowledge so my question is this; why wasn't she one of the people evacuated first? WORST PARENTS EVER
Third. Kiara's perfectly meh when retelling the tale of not only her assimilation but her parents death. I suppose that goes with my first complaint; she may as well be reading a list.
"Oh you two die. Sucks huh."
Also I already know that the actual events in this are a bit... can I say cock eyed or is that too ableist? It gave me a headache and I know the paradox this episode starts inside and out. First the wormhole, then an artificial temporal anomaly. There's no need for both. The wormhole's a lure to nab Voyager, but the temporal anomaly being manmade (and I remember who did it and who took advantage of it, cough) hints that it's a trap as well.
Why not it looks like a wormhole so Voyager is lured to it, but no one knows it's actually a temporal anomaly until they're dragged in. There's confusing, and then there's ridiculously bloated with pointless rubbish Timeline.
"I checked her DNA with Kiara's. They match," The Doctor said.
"It's quite a convincing story," Kathryn said.
Speak for yourself.
"Kiara's implants must of been placed onto her from the time of assimilation. So if she was assimilated thirteen years ago she mustn't of gone into a maturation chamber," the Doctor said.
"How do you know that?" Chakotay asked.
"As far as I can tell she is a healthy fifteen year old Human," the Doctor said.
I... I don't know what you're saying Doc.
I know what you're supposed to mean but not following your train of thought.
"Why didn't the collective send her into a maturation chamber?" Kathryn asked.
"That's the big mystery. The point is she must of grew up with the same implants on her body," the Doctor said.
"Just like wearing the same children's clothes for thirteen years," Kathryn said.
Maybe because er... ah, this is tricky so try to keep up, ah... BECAUSE THE SPHERE ISN'T CONNECTED TO THE COLLECTIVE. WHY WOULD DISCONNECTED DRONES SHOVE HER INTO A MATURATION CHAMBER?
Yeah, the same implants comment. This is... this is super interesting and a slight nod of foreshadowing I'm glad is there, but not glad that the conversation started with that ...
OH I'M SO DUMB. She's "fifteen years old" because if she had gone into the maturation chamber she'd look a lot older. She'd be an adult. Sorry, carrying on. I don't wanna delete it in case I wasn't the only one who was confused by that line. It's funny cos I wrote it.
Anyway yeah it's a foreshadowy nod. Think about it. Assimilated at 2 years old, now 15 and the implants she was assimilated with are still there.
"Exactly, I have to remove them immediately," the Doctor said.
"Proceed, Doctor," Kathryn said. The Doctor left the office.
Yeah that's super urgent, she grew two inches in the last five minutes.
"Sensors have detected a wormhole fifteen lightyears away, should we head for it?"
"Stand by," Kathryn said as she tapped her commbadge. "What should we do?" Kathryn asked.
And so the dilemma begins.
"There's only two options, go through the wormhole and Kiara gets assimilated or we carry on our journey and risk losing that teenager in the other room," Chakotay said.
I know it may sound cold but they've only just met future Kiara, they don't know her, she's been pretty blank slate so far. They know she's been suffering for 13 years on that Borg ship. Wouldn't the dilemma be sort of skewed in saving baby Kiara's favour? Wouldn't doing so spare her from that future?
This is why I prefer the Kidz Trek version of "Timeline". There this future Kiara showed up first, around about the (oh sorry the exact) same time as Seven did. They got to know her over the years, she didn't know her origins so they didn't either. Once the crew get to Timeline it truly is a dilemma on a personal and a paradox level. Both choices aren't pretty. You either keep time happy and hand over the baby to the "Borg" (or Tolg in KT), or you sacrifice not only the future version but also the last few years of your journey and risk a typical paradox because you wouldn't know to change it without her.
Yeah. Let's get right to the point, shall we? I was 14/15 when I wrote this, true. But I was younger than that, something like 12/13 when I developed the Kiara/Roxanne paradox.
I've said this elsewhere and I'll say it again so I am being fair. Timeline was the ending to this particular Kidz Trek plotline. Timeline here is the beginning of a five (or 8-12 in the olden days) season long arc, it's the point of the series. There will be plenty of time to get to know FV's Roxanne. The episode isn't about the dilemma, it's about the how they keep her and Kiara around that's believable, and foreshadow future stuff. It's a shame to lose the build up, especially with Kidz Trek no longer being written, but that's my problem. FV's later additions to this story more than make up for it.
Still, my critique still stands. They jump right into the dilemma far too soon. Maybe half way through the episode after a few scenes of getting to know her. After her scenes with Craig and James, yeah? All I needed to do was mention the wormhole and have J/C share a worried look.
"Not very pretty choices. The wormhole may not lead to the Alpha Quadrant, we should at least go and take a look," Kathryn said. Chakotay nodded. "Janeway to Tuvok, set a course for the wormhole," Kathryn said.
Come on Janeway. You know you never get through it, or if you do you lose your baby to the Borg.
Kathryn and Chakotay walked back into Sickbay. Craig came in with James behind him.
"Craig, what the hell are we doing here for?" James asked. Craig pulled out two padds from his pocket.
TWO? THE TIDES HAVE TURNED
"Doctor, as soon as she's stable, send the patient to the Bridge," Kathryn said. Craig gave her one of his padds. She started reading through it.
Oh. I'm waiting for Janeway to react as if he gave her the hot girls PADD. The reboot version has obviously spoilt me.
"Who's she?" James asked. Craig was staring at her in his usual way.
I'm going to annoy any shippers they may have in this review and a few others later but tough...
"This is a future version of Kiara," the Doctor muttered. James looked very puzzled. Craig was writing something on his padd.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW CRAIG STOP IT
I mean fine, you didn't know how old she is. Fair enough you stare then. But now you know she's Kiara, that's your cue to get grossed out and apologise/hide before Janeway deathglares you into pulp.
"She's the girl of my dreams," Craig muttered as he wrote on his padd.
"She's Borg," James muttered.
And James, the correct line is "She's Kiara. You know the two year old kid we babysit, you sick f$$$"
"So? So is Jessie and Seven," Craig said, he daydreamed for a few seconds and then he came back.
I told you he fancies anyone with boobs, he even likes Seven. So much for only liking brunettes and red heads, I think it was.
"That's not what I meant, I didn't think you would like a girl with tones of implants on her," James said.
Er... that is what he thought you meant. Right? What else could you mean? I'm so confused.
And there's that tones spelling back. Lots of implants in varying colours, how pretty.
"I can see through them, I know exactly what she'll look like without those implants," Craig said.
Like a 15 year old version of a 2 year old kid you know?
"Well?" James asked.
Um. Don't encourage him.
At least I HOPE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
"She'll look like the girl I've been dreaming about all my life," Craig said as he day dreamed.
"What, Kiara?" James asked.
YES FINALLY, SOMEONE'S NOTICED THE GROSSNESS OF THIS
"No, not the kid," Craig muttered. He just noticed that Chakotay had took his padd off him. "Oh damn!" Craig exclaimed.
Um yeah the kid. They said she's Kiara but older. LISTEN, STOP PERVING. GROSS. EEEEW
Surely any dad of a literal kid who's being drooled over would do more than take his list of dateable women/girls off him. The rest of Craig's scenes in Season One are his coma dreams right?
Chakotay pressed some buttons on the padd and he gave it back to Craig. It was blank.
"Now that your schedule is blank, you can escort Kiara to the Bridge once the Doctor has finished with her," Chakotay said.
He deserves more than this, but yes finally someone punishing him for being gross. Nice one.
OH WAIT, MISSED THE LAST PART OF HIS LINE.
"Now that your schedule is blank, you can escort Kiara to the Bridge once the Doctor has finished with her," Chakotay said.
Um. Yeah I don't like you drooling over my daughter, who is currently a toddler you babysit, so let me take that list of competition for her from you and allow you to escort her around the ship.
J/C ARE BAD PARENTS. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT?
"Aye sir," Craig said. He nearly jumped for joy. Kathryn and Chakotay left Sickbay.
SERIOUSLY. CRAIG KNOWS WHO SHE IS AND STILL IS SUPER ECSTATIC OVER ESCORTING HER. Only James really noticed how icky this is. DO NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH HER JAMES.
"Lieutenant, Ensign, do either of you have any medical training?" the Doctor asked.
"I doubt he would have, he faints at the sight of blood," Craig muttered.
"I don't!" James yelled.
Yeah since when!?
I mean it. When was this ever shown? I know it was a thing for a few episodes in the prequels because of the Ghost Ship "parody" and Games Resistance for some reason (which makes what happens in Interactions all the more eyebrow raising), but yeah I don't remember anything in Season One. Hmmmmmmm... character assassination? Craig's already jealous and paranoid of James so he's sabotaging him, ohboy.
"What are you doing exactly?" Kiara 2 asked.
"I need to remove your implants," the Doctor said.
Nobody told her. If she didn't ask then, nah I'm not going there.
"Good, they get on my nerves," Kiara 2 said.
"Literally. Do you mind if I ask a few questions?" the Doctor asked.
Do I detect a hint of personality? No. Okay.
"I'm afraid that most of your implants will have to be removed on a later date. Once I remove the implants it will hurt a lot. Your body has been growing while the implants have been attached to it. There will be a lot of skin damage, but it isn't permanent," the Doctor said.
He says to a 15 year old, after her parents have abandoned her with the pervert lusting after her and his hapless friend who knows it's gross but does nothing.
James and Craig looked bored. "How long is this going take?" James asked.
Oh yeah I forgot about the game. Who whined about a medical procedure on a poor ex-Borg girl being boring? You've got thirty seconds, not that I'd know.
Hmmmmmmm, I'm gonna guess Craig. Why? Because saying both James and Craig looked bored stinks of lazy extra character insertion, it was probably only Craig in the draft. I wanted James involved in the plot because erm... SPOILERS, but didn't want to change much.
"I'll be removing the body armour, and half of the facial implants. It'll take an hour," the Doctor replied. James groaned and he walked out of the room leaving Craig sulking.
NO DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH HER
And yeah, I think I was right. Craig stays and sulks because the Doctor answered his "how long" whiny question and he can't leave yet. James leaves cos he can. Yeah, Craig had James' line there in the draft.
As for who told him he was being gross, it was probably the Doctor since J/C ARE AWFUL PARENTS (I'm as surprised as you that there's no Bad Parenting Count)
"We've scanned the wormhole, there seems to be some sort of strange energy field which is blocking our scanners," Harry said.
"Could that energy field endanger us if we enter the wormhole?" Chakotay asked.
"No," Harry replied.
Might it be a strange temporal anomaly energy field? I'd put my money on it endangering you cos of a feeling I have, not that Kiara told you this. Nah.
"Captain, it is illogical to enter a wormhole if we don't know where it leads. However we cannot disrupt the timeline. If we don't go through the wormhole we will be breaking the Prime Directive," Tuvok said.
Tuvok gets it in one paragraph. WE ARE NOT WORTHY
Yep the choices are the following:
1) Follow the events as "Kiara" described so B'Elanna, Janeway & Chakotay die, Kiara is assimilated and then chucked 13 years into the past. As far as I know Voyager's fate is unknown in Timeline. Doing this will allow you to keep things right, ie avoid paradoxes and crap, but you risk being dead, in the past or being crippled.
2) Try to stop said events so Kiara isn't assimilated and the crew survive, leading "Kiara" to disappear. This creates the ickle paradox that bugs me about all time travel stories; if Kiara wasn't assimilated at all, how is she there to warn them in the first place? So doing this will either; screw up the space time continuum, do absolutely nothing because without Kiara you have no warning, or there's the chance that your attempts to avoid the incident is what causes it.
Then of course there's FV's take on it based on many people's theories, that time travel doesn't alter a thing. All it does is create a new dimension for the actions to play out in. "Kiara"'s Voyager will still be destroyed/crippled, J/C and B'Elanna dead etc, but this Voyager will be a-ok and carry on.
Quote Janeway: Time travel gives me a headache.
And yeah, I obviously did think about this before writing the episode. I think everything but the your actions cause the problem is discussed in this episode. I love stuff like this, which is why I usually dislike Star Trek's usual stab at time travel. It rarely makes sense to me.
"Maybe that was the only reason why Kiara 2's Voyager actually went through the wormhole," Tom muttered.
"We need more information," Kathryn said.
Yeah, Janeway is known for giving up and doing whatever she's been told to do. That's her character in a nutshell.
"Anyway, Tuvok, don't you even care about Kiara? It's her future we're talking about," Chakotay said.
Anyway, as used by Marill after she's waffled on for too long and wants to go back to the original subject.
You're surprised Tuvok's being logical about this? He's not wrong and I'm sure he does care.
"On the contrary, Commander, I have thought about her carefully. The child is the paradox," Tuvok said.
Oh boy, if he keeps getting things right I'm gonna have to spoiler colour his quotes. Yeah at 15 years old "Kiara" is still a child, but since Chakotay referred to the original with the future line, I'm gonna go with 2 year old is the paradox. Shhhhhhhhhhh
"Is that all you think of her, a paradox!" Chakotay said angrily.
"Gentlemen, this is not the time to argue," Kathryn said.
ANGRY CHAKOTAY IS ANGRY
I told you the episode gets straight to the point, cos woah. Something like this is better near the end of the episode, or via another character. Yes that's his daughter but I'd believe Janeway over him with this ourburst. It's why someone else does it in the reboot.
Sickbay, one hour thirty minutes later:
And ten seconds, thirty milliseconds later.
Does it really matter?
Though I'm impressed that the Doc can do so much in that time.
"Can I have the mirror now, Doc?" Kiara 2 asked as she sat on the biobed. She was wearing medical clothes and most of her implants were gone.
Cue screaming, random shoving and rabbit attacks
"Just a minute now," the Doctor said. He pressed a hypospray into her neck then he placed it on the medical tray. He picked up a mirror and he handed it to her.
"There's a few implants left, if you come to me once a week I'll remove them a bit at a time," the Doctor said. Kiara 2 grinned as she looked into a mirror.
A stark contrast to Jessie, though to be fair Kiara 2 spent most of her life looking like a Borg, whereas Jess didn't. Fair's fair.
"Go and get changed first, I've replicated some clothes for you, just go around the corner," the Doctor said. Kiara 2 walked away. "Sickbay to Lieutenant Anderson."
Eeew no, don't tell him that and give her time to dress. Please oh merciful god.
"Kiara? What's wrong with her?" B'Elanna asked.
"It's not what you think, B'Elanna, I'll be about twenty minutes," Craig said as he walked out of Engineering.
Yep cos when Kiara's sick, the Doc calls Craig and not her parents. This isn't sarcasm, I can buy that most of the crew would expect this with what I've seen.
Also surely someone should have warned B'Elanna that one path ahead of her has her dying in Engineering. Why is she out of the loop? How mean.
I fully expected Craig to skip out of Engineering, all while checking his hair in any reflective surface on route.
Craig walked in with a protesting, and a little hyper on Neelix's new coffee, James behind him as the Doctor was clearing his equipment away.
Hahahahaa, ha *sigh*
I know this is an edited line. For one it's taking advantage of the completely pointless opening scene and the "new" one before Jessie shows off her awesome new hair. Old school FV is too random for that. Two, I badly wanted to edit this next scene, or rather delete certain elements of it, but was held back by a reference in Season Three's New Earth, which I could've edited to suit but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Can't do that!!!!
Three, I know. It's as simple as that.
Originally Craig walked in with only a protesting James behind him. Originally originally (the draft) he either came alone or because of the scene in question, dragged somebody with him. I'm gonna guess Harry.
So, why the coffee alteration? Oh haha you poor innocent naive person. You'll find out. Oh you'll find out.
"She still has a few implants to be removed, otherwise she is in perfect health," the Doctor beamed, he was showing off again.
She was in perfect health before so :P
Kiara 2 walked into the room. She now had short black hair that went to her shoulders. She only had two implants on her face: the eye piece on her left eye and the nanoprobe in her right cheek. She was wearing three quarter length black trousers, a red half sleeved top. The top showed the implants that remained on her arms. She had white trainers on.
I'd think this is a totally in your face SHE'S NOT SEVEN, SEE attempt. What's opposite of blonde, black I guess?? The clothes and trainers. WHO CARES WHAT KIARA 2 IS WEARING
"Kiara, what are you wearing?" the Doctor groaned.
3/4 length trousers, red top and trainers. PAY ATTENT... nah I don't blame you for skimming that too Doc.
I'm sure Jessie will rip her a new one if she sees the outfit. White trainers and black trousers? I can see it now. JESSIE FAINTED
"The clothes you replicated for me were boring so I replicated some nicer clothes," Kiara 2 replied.
James rolled his eyes when Craig was very close to drooling. "She's the coolest Borg Drone there is," Craig mumbled.
I'm glad you said coolest and not something else but EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW STOP DROOLING
James again is the only one who sees this as omg so gross. No wonder he snaps in a moment.
HOWEVER this does mean Craig didn't come alone in the draft. Somebody definitely was dragged in with him. But who?? What are our likely options with what's happened and what I know:
I'm not even sure Triah existed during the draft stages. I think so *shrug* but hey considering the upcoming crap, these are the options. Tom for being chummy in his own way in Aggressions, Harry for what's coming up, the three unknowns that failed Aggressions regular guest star test because *shrug* James (with Jessie and bad Foster) was an attempt to replace them after all.
Still have money on Harry. I MUST FIND THAT DRAFT. MAYBE WORLD DOMINATION IS WITH IT
Kiara 2 walked up to James. "What's his problem?" she asked.
"Don't worry about it, he's just the ship's girl drooler," James said.
Yey creepy that his clone said something very similar in the last episode.
Unfortunately it doesn't get the same response, sparking the embarrassing chain reaction here:
"And you are," Kiara 2 asked.
"The ship's baby," the Doctor said.
"I'm not a baby!" James exclaimed, pouting while seemingly trying his best not to cry..
Yeah yeah, I kinda get what I was going for with this. It's the joke as old as time, the "classic" somebody insults another, and the other responds in a way that proves their point. Harf$$$$har!
I mentioned it in another review that James' main problem is that despite my work on him, he still is the go to character for jokes, regardless of whether or not they fit his character. He's all over the place because of it. You don't know who or what he is as he's quite literally everything.
But of course because in New Earth "Kiara 2" reminds James of this, and FV is written in stone, this bit has to remain no matter how many edits I make to it to excuse it away, like making it Neelix's coffee's fault that he bawls at being called a baby.
Why is it so offensive compared to his other stuff, Marill? Are you being sexist, "men don't cry." Do you because of the changes in Season Two onwards see him as a tough macho guy? LOL NOPE, QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I hate the tough guy stereotype and toxic masculinity as a whole. James himself was always the character who would defy these things, that was his point in the beginning, it's just Season One and very early Season Two (the Love Spell comes to mind) I never did subtle. I'd go OTT extreme with everything. You should notice that by now 14 episodes or so in. As stated, the crying thing was a badly made joke. Nothing more.
What I hate about it is it is making fun of him, it is saying men don't cry haha look at this freak, the joke is sexist. It also does not fit with James' character even in Season One. He comments, he makes jokes/fun of, or he ignores. Demon already showed you how he reacts to comments such as this. I'm not just getting mixed up with later seasons:
"Er... I'm er..." James muttered.
"The ships resident wimp," Harry said.
"Isn't that your job?" James asked.
SEE! The ship's baby is a poor insult anyway and isn't even worth an eye roll. It's why I chose to change the insult all together in the reboot.
I was tempted to edit this whole exchange away completely and rework the New Earth scene to fit, HOWEVER a better idea came to mind. It was something that should've been done to the original too. As I said, James even in S1 makes jokes, comments and can be sarcastic. A kid raised by or with mostly alien ex-Borg kids won't always get him, not at first. Doc could've called him a baby and in true FV fashion James goes a little OTT in making fun of him for it, by pretending to be upset at the insult. Kiara 2 sees it as legit and when she uses it in New Earth, James is too distracted by his current predicament (ah spoilers!) to care about correcting her.
So yeah. Apart from being so god damn annoying, like Jessie and her sins, these lines earn a:
Sexist Crap Count: 1
You deserve it.
"Now Doctor, you know better than to make the ship's baby cry like that," Kiara 2 said.
Craig groaned. "Now that's attractive, a guy that's a little far off six foot tall crying like a four year old," Craig muttered.
Sexist Crap Count: 2
Sheesh, you just don't stop do you kid Marill? You don't believe in this, why write it!?
That's still a weird line for Craig to say......................................
0_0 HOLY S$$$
I've been going about this the wrong way.
Craig's got some odd lines sure but I doubt he'd ever really say this (the epiphany's too little too late since it's in the reboot). This line feels like it belongs to Tom. MORE PROOF FROM DEMON:
"God, it's like talking to a five year old," Tom muttered.
"Well it's the truth, no guy your age should talk like that," Tom said. Suddenly James and Jessie were staring angrily at Tom. "Uhoh, not again," Tom muttered.
Um wtf Marill? What are you saying?
I think Tom was the one tagging along in the draft, but Craig was the one protesting about it. Look at Aggressions 1 for how their relationship dynamic is. Craig wants to impress the new girl but in typical sitcom like manner, people keep embarrassing him. It's still OTT exaggerated, but the Doc calling him the baby of the crew makes so much more sense than James. Apart from Kiara, Craig is the youngster. He is the youngest of the senior staff. Ship's baby feels like it's implying this.
Only I wanted James in the scene and so Tom had to go. I knew James would never say something like that "crying like a 4 year old" line, so Craig got it instead and BAM the scene gets rearranged. It explains why it makes no sense and doesn't suit either of the characters.
OMG WHAT A TWIST
I really do need to hunt the draft down now. Now that it's in my head, I can't help shaking off the feeling that my theory is correct. I still want proof though.
These later lines makes me feel even more certain:
"Yeah right. Jessie's not here to impress so you can knock it off," Craig said.
"I never try to impress anyone," James muttered.
But anyway getting ahead of myself a tad.
"Yeah, just leave the baby here. His mummy will be picking him up soon enough," Craig said. James obviously gave up trying. Kiara 2 felt sorry for him.
"What's wrong?" she asked. He noticed that everyone was looking at him so he stopped.
See, Craig's being awfully rude about this, while Kiara 2 is showing sympathy for James when it's Craig she focuses on in later scenes and befriends first. It's almost as if Craig was the one who was upset originally, while SOMEONE ELSE made fun of him. My theory is backed up later with Craig back to feeling sorry for himself, huffing and complaining about no one liking him. If he was made fun of like he's doing to James, it makes more sense. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
The question is, why did I REALLY do it? James is more likely to tease someone than Craig, even now. Not like this though. James making fun of a man for pouting/crying over something "like he's a child" would be like someone saying to me "no I don't want kids ever," and I reply with "you'll change your mind someday. When you meet the right guy it'll be right." That actually hurt to type. If I say it, I'll be saying it in a mocking tone towards assholes who say this to me. STFU the only kids I can remotely stand are the FV kids and yet I know I wouldn't have the patience or whatever to deal with them in real life. So yeah. James already had his back story decided by now, as evidenced in The Fight (and originally Unforgettable too) and in two episodes time. Quoting Test of Time flashback so SPOILER ALERT:
"My dad says that pain will help toughen me up, so he hits me," James replied.
Vagueish from the horse's mouth. James was abused because his father thought he wasn't tough enough. A four year old boy. James would definitely have grown up with gender identity issues, and he'd go either way on the spectrum; become a raging MEN ARE MEN caveman like his dad, or put a middle finger up at idiots with that attitude and just be who the hell he wants. He did the latter. I knew this, that's why I went to the trouble of swapping their lines around. BECAUSE I wanted James to meet Kiara 2 he took Tom's place in the scene (allegedly). He didn't have to take Tom's lines though. Swapping his with Craig's, sometimes as Craig still needs to perv, doesn't work either. This is an epic failure on all counts and it's fricking lazy. B4FV1 lazy.
The three were walking down the corridor. A young girl in a Starfleet uniform had stopped right in front of them, she had a pram. The girl had long black hair.
"Who are you?" Kiara 2 asked.
I have a bad feeling about this
"My name's Kimberly, I was wondering have you seen my rabbit anywhere?" she asked in a very annoying posh accent.
"Rabbits? No," James said. He and Kiara 2 groaned when they saw Craig staring at her for too long. There was a lot of giggling coming from the pram.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
"Hey great accent, Lil, you should be a voice artist," a familiar voice said from the pram.
"Hey, that baby sounds like Lanny," Craig said. The girl jumped a mile in shock. Craig recognised her face.
"Well at least I fooled you," the girl said in a Geordie accent this time.
Timeline was fine, it was just ok. You didn't need to add this. Please, oh dear god NO
WHAT ACTUALLY WAS THE IN-STORY POINT OF THE DECEPTION?
"That's because you look like a fool," Kiara 2 muttered.
I knew it wouldn't take Kiara 2 long to get her first oh snap. That's my girl.
Lanny, who was wearing a baby napkin and was holding a rattle, jumped out of the pram. The Team Rocket music came on.
Yep that was the feeling. I know it well.
Motto Count: 1
"To make our site a more popular one," the girl said in her posh accent. Lanny pulled off the napkin and he threw away the rattler. It hit James on the head.
Oh yeah James getting hurt is one of FV's many running gags. Still true today.
"What do you want this time?" James asked as he rubbed his head.
I always wonder that.
"This is my show, I can come here anytime I want. If you don't like it, lets battle," Firera said. Her right hand disappeared in her pocket. Her hand emerged with a Creature Ball in her palm. She pushed her fringe away from her face, the camera er I mean, oh never mind, did a close up of her right eye. "Well then, this time I choose you, Firesha!" she called as she threw the ball into the air. Firera, the adorable red mouse, appeared in a flash of light.
My head already hurts. Stop.
Oh and I did not check which Pokémon references I was replacing with Game Creatures, did I? The writers stuff should still be Pokémon/Pokéballs. God damn.
"James, isn't that thing is similar to Jessie's creature thing," Craig said. James nodded, about to follow Firera's suit. Kiara 2 pushed him aside.
Isn't that thing is similar to Jessie's creature thing
What a work of art!
Oh yeah, remember this is "Kiara 2"'s first episode.
"As a Games Slayer it's my obligation to battle you," she said angrily. She threw out her own Creature Ball into the air. "Come battle, Azzua!" she exclaimed. A larger version of the adorable cute water mouse, Marill, appeared.
"Someone tell me, what the hell is a Games Slayer? Is it.." James asked.
This line is so out of place, I think I added this later during the infamous edits.
Because HAHA HE'S SO NAIVE/STUPID AND *WINK WINK NUDGE*
Oh and Games Slayers have obligations to battle stupid kids from the "third" dimension who have writing claims to your own? That's some heavy burden I've already put on her poor shoulders.
But seriously. Why did I reveal this now? I haven't even sorted out if she's staying in the series or not. For goodness sake!
"I bet you have Pokémon cards, lets battle," he said as held out a rare Moltres card. Craig snatched it in glee.
"Cool card, it would be a great place mat," Craig said as he put the card in his pocket. Lanny started crying.
Hahaha. Once again, Lanny makes a writers scene a bit better.
"Now he's definitely a baby," James said. Craig gave James the rattler.
"Do you think you'll fit in the pram?" Craig asked. James smacked him hard on the head, knocking him out.
"Firesha, agility!" Firera ordered. The little red mouse sped around the corridor, Azzua's water gun missed it a couple of times.
"What is that thing, it's not a Y'Jeti creature," James asked.
But... but someone said earlier it looked like Jessie's Y'Jeti. Is it because it wasn't using Fire Spin all the time?
Seriously, James keeps saying things and nobody responds... though to be fair, Craig's not responding to the last thing anytime soon lolohsnap.
If this wasn't a writers scene with Pokémon I'd think James' lines were added in so he wasn't standing there saying nothing, but there's little chance this scene existed in the draft so... *shrug*
Also Firesha is a horrible name. Horrible. You just wanted to avoid Firera shouting her own name. Here's an idea how to avoid it, have her use another Pokémon.
"Firesha, body slam!" Firera yelled. The red mouse charged at Azzua and it knocked the water mouse out.
Agility does not increase evasion, this is a stupid anime thing from the show which I hated so dunno why I'm using it. Azumarill's water gun should've hit at least once and since it's an evolved form and I'm guessing Firera isn't, she/he should be in critical or KO'd by now.
Also Azumarill is a f$$$$$ tank. One body slam would not KO it. FFS. If Kiara 2's meant to be a Games Slayer then clearly these Pokémon battles are not a requirement for them, cos GOD SHE SUCKS
"Nice Azumarill, but I think it needs some training," Firera laughed and she walked off down the corridor.
YOU DON'T SAY
Also again, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT. WAS THAT KIARA 2'S FV INDUCTION?
"Is it okay?" Craig asked.
When did you wake up?
It couldn't have been more than a minute or two.
"I think she's okay, whoever that girl is, she's a very good trainee games slayer," Kiara 2 said.
Not consistent at all. Games Slayer isn't capitalised with trainee in front of it? Ok??
Also Trainee Game Slayers. I've hated that term for a while, and it's Timeline and my pedanticness for keeping things the same's fault. Trainees are volunteers. Sure they'd need to train first but surely they'd not always. They're in dire need of another name. Volunteer Game Slayers is better than that.
Ah... at least the first fight Kiara 2 is in she loses. It could be worse. I could've made her ace that without a sweat. Instead she lost and BADLY, which shows her to be overconfident, it's a flaw. I doubt that was the point of the scene though.
"For the second time, what's a Games Slayer?" James asked.
"I'll explain later, don't we have to get to the bridge," Kiara 2 said.
DAMN IT WILL SOMEONE TELL HIM, I DON'T WANT SPIRITS RUINED FOR THIS
"It's good to be home, that Borg Sphere was very dull except for the occasional Game Cubes that landed on us, well that's the life of a Games Slayer," Kiara 2 said. James was about to ask again but Craig interrupted him.
James: WTF IS A GAME SLAYER? I SWEAR TO GOD IF NO ONE ANSWERS ME THIS TIME I'M GONNA START WITH DECK 15 AND WORK MY WAY UP. PRAY TO GOD I DON'T RUN OUT OF BOBBLES TO THROW.
Back to seriousness. Kiara 2 was assimilated at what 2 years old. Don't forget that whenever she talks about this.
Also HAHAHA no mention of Game Cubes until this very sentence. There's no context and yep you guessed it, NEITHER JAMES OR CRAIG ASK HER. YOU'D THINK "WHAT ARE GAMES SLAYERS" JAMES WOULD PICK UP ON THE GAME PART.
Hang on laughing a bit at the mental image of a Game Cube landing on top of a Borg Sphere. I mean think about it. The clue to why I'm laughing is in the names.
Spoilers for Games Resistance (S2): If you don't know, Game Cubes are Holodecks that are cube shaped (duh) and land on cities. Basically. They generally don't fly in space. I never intended them to. Yes the Borg Sphere would have to land on a planet for a Game Cube to land on them. So yeah have fun with that mental image. I did. Though it stops being funny when you consider that Games generally have to land in populated areas. OH DEAR
So yeah despite what she says, this is what Craig asks:
"How can you be the future Kiara?" Craig asked.
Oh Craig, are you only realising now the implications of your drooling and feeling the shame??? I hope so.
Soooo Kiara 2 tells the story again. Let's look and critique
"I'll just give you the basic story. Voyager entered the wormhole that we're near by two days in your future. The Borg Sphere that I'm from attacked, only I got assimilated, the Borg Sphere hit a temporal anomaly. The Borg Sphere appeared thirteen years in the past in the same position. Thirteen years later, Voyager ran into our sphere. The loop begins again," Kiara 2 said.
Well erm... okay. It still feels like she's listing the events. It's not even a "last time on" recap. I dunno, I expected the story to change a tad because it's FV and because erm... the story is a mess. that's all.
"We weren't told about a wormhole," Craig said.
"Why not?" Kiara 2 asked.
"No one talks to me," Craig said.
"Yeah they all run away from him," James said.
Well not all, maybe all the girls.
Is that an oh snap?
"Don't be nasty," Kiara 2 said. They reached the turbolift and they stepped in.
See she's now sticking up for Craig and James is the nasty one. Order is kinda restored, just pretend James is Tom and you'll see the draft.
Also the "5 minutes later" that labelled the scene when she mentioned the Game Cubes is very likely because that's where the original draft version started and I couldn't be bothered to transition it better.
"What are your names anyway, I don't remember either of you," Kiara 2 asked.
"I'm James," James said.
"And I'm Craig," Craig said.
"I recognise your names," Kiara 2 muttered.
Interesting. No really, it's interesting. Is this a symptom of the draft copy? Was Craig not Kiara's babysitter in the original plans? I mean it's obvious Tom wasn't. It should've been fixed to suit the 13 eps before it but hey, I'm not surprised in the slightest that I didn't. Kiara was 2 but she should have vague memories of at least one of her babysitters.
The turbolift stopped and the doors opened. They all stepped onto the Bridge. Everyone stopped working and looked at her. Tom noticed Harry was staring at her for far too long. Tom smirked. Everyone except Harry returned to work. Kathryn walked up to her.
Harry, not you too. You're what, 25/26. Stop it, she's 15!
Why didn't anyone tell me back in 2001 that I was Mary Sue'ing my new main character. She's so pwetty everyone takes note, she's already announced to be someone special (Game Slayer), Captain's daughter. Another reason for me to be surprised she lost that battle. Good god, she's ticking all the boxes here.
Oh that reminds me! My new counter I hinted at many episodes back. Hopefully this'll be the last one.
Morgan the Sue Count: 2 (This is tricky. 1 point for the so pwetty everyone notices. I could forgive Craig as that's his arc but Harry too? She's 15 gross. 1 point for the Game Slayer reveal being shoehorned in immediately for no reason, the probable excuse for that stupid pointless scene. However she lost that for not humiliating Firera in the match. And 1 point for the unfortunate blank slate personality she's sporting when it suits, which is making her take her rather unusual and difficult situation on the chin like it's nothing. I'd give a point for the clothes and hair description but everyone gets that, NOPE.)
"Kiara, how are you feeling?" she asked.
"A bit sore," Kiara 2 muttered.
"That will pass," Seven said.
Take note, this will probably be the only and/or closest Seven will come to being nice to her. Savour it.
"I'll see you two later, I've got to get back to Engineering. Kiara, if you need me I'll be there," Craig said. He started to walk away.
"Thanks, Craig, see you later," Kiara 2 said.
"Oh, Captain, one of the writers is on the ship, we tried to stop her but she got away," James said.
I suppose Kiara 2 did push you out of the way, but your contribution was to punch Craig out. Not complaining mind, it was the best moment of the episode for me. He had it coming.
"That red head, Firera I think," James replied.
"She's a writer?" Kiara 2 muttered.
"Well she's not writing this episode, so what is she doing here?" Kathryn asked.
Who cares? Pressing matters first people. Time travel, paradoxes, dilemma with two versions of one girl. OMG
"Yeah and Firera asked if we had seen any rabbits anywhere," James said.
"I think I know why she's here, Damien must be here too. James, go and get Triah and Jessie and you can all search the ship. He must be hiding somewhere," Kathryn said.
Oh ok. When the draft was written "Damien", who was nameless at that point in time and had a whole different personality to his S1 and S2+ alter egos, was only supposed to be in a few episodes; Mirror Universes and World Domination. Maybe Survival Instinct/Prepare For Trouble.
I don't think he cared about rabbits, there was no Boss either. The writers weren't a look in until Aggressions Part 2 which was long after this draft. Just something to keep in mind as this particular subplot progresses. It's okay here as it doesn't really mix with anything. Moving on.
"You can sit down, you know," Chakotay said. Kiara 2 sat down in front of the desk.
"I take it this is to do with the wormhole," Kiara 2 said quickly.
"Well sort of. We don't know whether we should go through the wormhole and lose Kiara or continue on our journey and lose you," Kathryn said.
"I hope you're not asking for my opinion," Kiara 2 muttered.
YES THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING WE DON'T KNOW WHICH DAUGHTER TO KEEP, THE ONE WE DON'T WILL MORE OR LESS DIE. SO ERM, HELP US DECIDE
blahblah JC are bad parents blah
"Do you know where the wormhole leads too?" Chakotay asked.
"I never got the chance to find out," Kiara 2 replied.
Good god, it's a trap. Isn't that clear to you people!?!?! Even with the threat of losing your daughter, which is dead certain, you're still thinking about where it leads? You do remember the you two dying part, right?
"The only two reasons I can think of for going through the wormhole are to keep you with us and the temporal prime directive," Kathryn said.
Poor baby Kiara. Mama loves prime directive more than you.
"I don't know. I wish there was some way to keep both of you with us," Kathryn said. Kiara 2 thought for a second.
Yes that is quite a pickle, how will you ever...
"Perhaps there is a way. The sphere obtained this nanoprobe virus from a damaged Borg vessel. It helps keep drones unaffected by space time. The only problem is that we haven't tested it yet," Kiara 2 said.
ever er figure this one out.
"So we can continue on our journey without losing you and not changing the timeline?" Chakotay asked.
Um, what a tragedy? Such a dilemma..........
Ohno drama, character development, a dilemma, angst... gotta avoid all of that. Why are we only half way through then? Hmmmmmm?
"If we beam anybody onboard the sphere to collect the virus, will your friends try to assimilate us?" Kathryn asked.
Um........... THEY'RE DISCONNECTED. YOU KNOW THIS. OMG WHY
"They shouldn't. We haven't done that kind of thing in years," Kiara 2 replied. Kathryn stood up.
Not in all caps as I dunno if she's serious
"Channel open, Captain," Tuvok said. A young female drone appeared on the viewscreen. Kathryn nodded at Kiara 2.
"Tani, remember nanovirus 030?" Kiara 2 asked.
"Kiara is that you?" the drone asked.
"No it's the Borg Queen. Do you remember nanovirus..." Kiara 2 said sarcastically.
Well that's one sentence labelled as sarcastic that's right. That's one out of how many?? not funny though.
"Can I and a few Voyager crewmembers beam aboard and take a sample?" Kiara 2 asked.
"Don't tell me you're planning on staying on Voyager and leaving me here," Tani asked.
Snigger. Yes it seems so.
Oh btw the thing they're after is labelled as a nanovirus. Voyager crew do not question it and go into lala land in the background.
"Well I was born on this ship so why not stay here, anyway I'm sure my mum will let you stay on Voyager too," Kiara 2 said as she looked over to Kathryn.
MUUUUUMM, CAN MY FRIEND STAY OVER. PWETTY PLEEEASE!!!!
"You're human aren't you?" Kathryn asked.
So if she wasn't Human then...? um
"Yeah, I was assimilated when the Borg attacked the USS Jacque fifteen years ago," Tani replied.
"She was only one year old at the time," Kiara 2 said.
"USS Jacque, that was on it's first mission before we left DS9," Tom said.
Haha USS Jacque, one episode after Jacqueline in Demon. NOT TRYING ONE BIT
"That name, don't mention that name, this is a Voyager story, the word DS9 is banned," Marill's voice said.
Gawd, Caretaker's gonna be a bitch to write.
"Correction, she would of been assimilated on the same year I was born," Kiara 2 said.
"I've got a headache," Harry moaned.
I dunno, it's fairly straight forward. Kiara and Tani were assimilated in recent years, Kiara in a couple of days time, Tani a couple years ago. Borg ship gets chucked back in time, 13 years later you meet them. IT'S NOT HARD
"Me too. Anyway, you may join Voyager if you wish, is there any others?" Kathryn asked.
"Tani and I are the only humans, the rest of the crew are from the Delta Quadrant and they are on their way to their home planets. They're going in an opposite direction to Voyager," Kiara 2 said.
Yes, let's quickly brush off the only Humans allowed hint we got there. They're not going our way, honest!
"Right, we'll send our awayteam to collect the virus," Chakotay said.
I'd be questioning why this thing is called a virus. Yeah she's your daughter but wow!
"Yeah sure, Tiran?" Tani said to the drone next to her. He gave her a small Borg container.
"Well are you coming with us, Tiran?" Tani asked.
"No, I told you, I belong here with the others," Tiran said.
Phew, glad that little dilemma's sorted out. It was really starting to make me feel things.
"No you don't, you're human too, you're my brother," Tani said.
"Tani, just leave," Tiran ordered.
"If you change your mind once we're gone, it'll be too late," Tani said.
Oh it's still going on.
I'm feeling things, it's not disbelief laughter or rage and self hatred. I'm so confused. HALP
"I'm not going to change my mind," Tiran said.
"Oh well, look on the bright side, I won't have to put up with his ugly face," Tani muttered.
Phew moment killed. That was a close one.
Almost had a tense moment with a grieved sister having to leave her brother, friends and home behind. Some actual realism where kids who have lived on a Borg Ship all their childhoods get a chance to live elsewhere and differently, actually react to it and feel stuff, not act as if it's a walk in the park.
Come on, I'm not asking for much. Kiara 2 has no regret or anything about her life on this ship. It was merely dull. Her assimilation and parents death she can talk about as if someone asked her what the weather would be like tomorrow. Nothing really traumatised her or the others. Tani seems perfectly ok now that her brother's turned her down. She'll never see him again, whatever. Yeah the ugly mug comment could be a defensive thing but gawd.
"If you're planning what I think you are, Kiara, you're going to have to make it work. If it doesn't work, you're not going to exist anymore," Tani said.
"Tani, don't worry, it'll work," Kiara 2 said.
Damn it Tani, stop trying to create a conflict. This is a Fifth Voyager episode not a story.
"Whenever you're ready we'll beam you to our Sickbay to have your implants removed," Kathryn said.
"Well I'm ready now, I've said all my good byes," Tani said.
It gets worse. Are you ready?
"See ya, Tan," Tiran said.
"Yeah, bye," Tani said.
Chakotay and Tom left the room. Tani lay down on the bio bed as the Doctor examined her. Kiara 2 and Kathryn stood by a console.
OR Chakotay and Tom were simply not there. Was there any need for this????????????
"We'll only know if I'm still here tomorrow," Kiara 2 said.
"Well that's reassuring," Kathryn muttered. The Doctor came over.
Oh come on, we all know it'll work. The rest of the episode needs room for more writers, Damien and rabbits, James and Janeway already foreshadowed it. I suppose filler was needed, Timeline probably was only a few pages in a tiny flipbook. Could've expanded the plot but that's too hard.
"So that's your mum that you always talk about?" Tani asked while the Doctor started working on her eye piece.
"Yeah," Kiara 2 replied.
"Mine was only a Lieutenant, that's why we were on the Jacque. Tiran told me she was a science officer. He said that he spent more time with me than mum did," Tani said.
No Tani, bad. NO TIME FOR BACK STORIES. I WANT MA RABBITS AND OLD MAN JOKES
"Yeah well, I was an only child," Kiara 2 said.
"Count yourself lucky, you don't want my brother," Tani said.
"I still don't understand why he would want to stay on that sphere," Kiara 2 said.
"It's like he's just staying on that ship for the good of everyone. He'll change his mind eventually," Tani said.
Ohhhh, is that why she was all like "yeah bye" casual? Nope not buying it.
"I haven't seen Damien but some people have been saying that they've seen the Old Man in a starfleet uniform. I think it's quite funny actually."
"As soon as you find him, bring him to me," Kathryn said. Tom and Harry tried to stop themselves from laughing.
It's only funny if it's one of the old school uniforms, otherwise the joke potential is ruined.
"Captain, I'm detecting a trans warp frequency coming from the wormhole," Seven said from her console behind the two command chairs.
"Could be Kiara's future home for the next thirteen years," Tom said.
OUCH BAD TOM
HERE IT COMES
"I don't think so, the readings are coming from within the wormhole," Seven said.
"Captain, something is emerging," Tuvok said. On the viewscreen the wormhole fluctuated and a pyramid shaped vessel emerged.
DUN, DUN, DUN... PLOT TWIST
As bad as Timeline's been, I like this twist. It's on the WTF scale in a good way.
Tom reacts in the best way you can:
"What the hell is that?" Tom asked.
"Why are they staring at me?" Kiara 2 asked. Neelix walked over.
"All right everyone, get back to what you were doing," Neelix said loudly. "You must be the Borg newcomer, the crew aren't accustomed to any newcomers," Neelix said quietly.
No it's probably because she's so pwetty and special they can't help it
"C'mon let's sit down," Craig said. He and Kiara 2 sat down at the table. "So if you can't eat yet why did you come here?"
"I remembered how to get here so I came. I also thought you'd be here," Kiara 2 replied.
"Me? That's a funny joke, nobody comes here just to see me. Nobody seems to like me," Craig laughed.
Ouch, pity party table for two. My don't cares hurt.
It's a nitpick only because it comes out of nowhere, probably another symptom of being a draft second episode written. Craig was introduced via Tom who seemed interested in being chummy with him. Seconds after meeting, James and Jessie were inviting him over for pop and stuff (no I will never stop joking about Hunters. PS bobbles). Kiara the original likes him enough. Craig's been accepted into the Senior Staff with no trouble. His sister is onboard and it was only in Timeline itself that she was mean to him, once.
Most of the time anyone talks back to him, or in extreme cases smacks him around too, is in response to him being pervy and creepy. They're not usually singling him out to bully.
So yeah, "nobody seems to like me" and "no one visits me". GTFO with that woe is me attitude Craig. Stop acting like me, it's annoying.
"I like you," Kiara 2 said as Craig was taking a drink. He almost choked.
Daaaw...... still eew but on her side it's innocent so... DAWWWW
"You do?" Craig coughed. "Well at least I have a friend now," Craig said. Suddenly the red alert siren came on.
RED ALERT, CRAIG IS A STINKING LIAR. REPEAT. RED ALERT, CRAIG IS A STINKING LIAR
I'm only going to judge this based on Timeline's events. Jessie is your friend. She only slapped you because you hit on her. We've been over this, Jessie's extra sensitive about mixing friendships with romantic stuff. James is your friend. He only smacked you as you kept making fun of his sensitive side, something his father bullied him relentlessly for.
Extreme reactions I know, but it's not like they were both unprovoked. And news flash, both still consider you a friend afterwards. If you don't like this behaviour then you know what to do, cut them loose.
"Red Alert, all hands to battle stations!"
"What does that mean again?" Kiara 2 asked.
Job Title: Fifth Voyager Character, Mary Sue entry level
Required skills: Must be pretty, be a kid, should pass for a J/C daughter, mutter and exclaim a lot, and be deeply stupid as we always need stupid questions to fill the word count up.
"It means trouble, I'd better get back to Engineering," Craig said.
Wait, hold the phone. Craig has a job now? Or more accurately, Craig had a job in Engineering and that was forgotten when the series officially started? Either way, woaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Doesn't matter cos he's called to the Bridge so he can watch Kiara 2's ass... er I mean escort her there.
"Evasive maneuvers, Mr Paris," Kathryn ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," Tom said as another jolt made him nearly head butt the console. Craig, Kiara 2, Triah, James and Jessie emerged from the turbolift.
Nearly? This isn't the FV I know. This is almost pre-FV. Oh wait.
I like how all hands to battle stations translates to all new main characters come to the Bridge.
"That's a Tolg vessel. How's this possible, they're not suppose to be here," Kiara 2 said as another jolt shook the Bridge.
Yay, welcome another Kidz Trek refugee to FV folks. More are still to come.
I'll let Kiara 2 expositionese them, it's what she's best at.
"Tolg. They are the Seventh Dimension version of the Borg but much worse," Kiara 2 replied.
Nm, she must be tired. Hearing Craig whine about his not problems must've put her to sleep and she's still groggy.
This is the KT explanation for the Tolg FYI. There was the Fifth Dimension where the series takes place, then the Seventh Dimension which was sorta like a parallel evil dimension. Sorta. My memories of the details are fuzzy. Mirror Universes started to retcon a lot of it to suit the fourth wall writers rubbish, the Boss himself and yeah... for comedy purposes. Feel free to gag. Anyway Timeline was written before this happened and still followed the basic idea of Voyager splitting up before Kiara's birth and that dimension is called Fifth as a nice tribute to my Kidz Trek days, while the evil Voyager is from the evil Seventh Dimension.
Juvenile? You betcha but it's the truth. The only changes I really made with the Tolg was because in KT they were simply the Borg (and undead), and here they have to exist alongside them.
The science console exploded sending an innocent unknown crewmember flying. James and Jessie went over to him.
"Captain, we've found the Old Man," James said happily. Suddenly everything stopped including the weapons fire.
Yeah. Told you there was still "time" for crap. And o_0 to James' happy response. He's only happy because he finally found what he was told to find. heh.
The annoying thing about this is I remember a scene a lot like this in the draft. It's one of the few things about it I remember. Yet I was so certain that all of the fourth wall elements only sprung up during Aggressions Part 2's breakdown/writing. You see nothing of the sort in Part 1, yet weeks later the episode endures a facelift from hell and the series follows suit.
Yeah Damien existed in a basic form. He was less of a fourth wall villain, and instead someone with a grudge against Voyager for temporal paradox reasons, who was no more than a 1/2 episode one off villain who died in the end. The new idea for him come Aggressions 2/Mental Illness time was hilarious to stupid kid me and so he became that, cueing big changes like the Boss, the sixth dimension, World Domination *cringe*.
I'm gonna assume the Old Man was in the original draft as some sort of a weird running gag I'd figure out later. I dunno if he was linked with Damien or anything. Let's take a look.
"You can't kill the Old Man," a old frail voice said. Suddenly the Old Man stood up and his wounds healed in an instant.
Yeah I don't think this is in older episodes.
"I remember when I first became immortal. I got up in the morning, and it was raining. Anyway I got up in the morning which was the style at the time and..." the Old Man blabbered on.
"Quick, transport him into an escape pod and eject it," Kathryn ordered.
"Anyway I made myself a piece of toast and..."
The Old Man disappeared in a shimmer of light.
Repeating the toast line, the immortality out of nowhere, his lack of calling something different "back then" is missing. Yeah this feels like a draft version of him.
"Why don't we just give the Old Man to the Tolg," Tom suggested.
"Good idea," Chakotay said.
Yes, give immortality to the aliens who are apparently like Borg. That oughta go well. Maybe this is why they're undead Borgs. Ever thought of that!? HUH!
The viewscreen flickered on showing a Tolg drone that looked absolutely terrified.
"We'll do anything, make him stop!" the drone said in a disembodied voice. In the background the Bridge crew could here the Old Man blabbering on about getting on a bus.
Which in my day was called a wheelie carriage.
Suddenly Marill and Raichu appeared next to the drone. "What the hell, I thought Firera would of caught him by now," Raichu exclaimed. Firera appeared in her disguise.
Ok, so much for that. The writers shouldn't be here if this is an old scene. Edited/longer version??
Drones screaming got everyone's attention. Lanny was playing with Tolg drones's implants.
"This is ssoooo fun!" he giggled. Meanwhile the Old Man was blabbering on about the buses being gold in his day.
Seriously, someone needs to take a look at Lanny. The kid's messed up.
"Oh for crying out loud, those two are ruining the episode!" Raichu exclaimed.
"Damien, GET HERE NOW!" Marill yelled. Damien appeared with a rabbit.
I'M SO CONFUSED
"Can we play tag!" Lanny giggled.
This kid. He... I'm surprised I didn't MC him.
"I will not, he will destroy you then the rabbits will destroy him for I am the Ultimate Pokémon and the Boss," Damien said with his usual arm over mouth and deep voice.
When you complain that the Voyager crew already know you're really The Boss when you wanted to shock them, I'LL REMIND YOU OF THIS MOMENT.
NO WAIT, I WON'T BECAUSE I REFUSE TO REVIEW WORLD DOMINATION
Yep, I think in some way an already altered from being a bland one note villain "Damien" did show up in the draft version of this scene (and I'm sure probably only argued with the Voyager crew and not the writers). It wasn't a stupid edit to a scene that probably ended with the Tolg pleading to take the Old Man back. Why?
1) Usual arm over mouth. Unless I've skimmed and missed it, Damien has never done this.
2) He did this to I assume make his voice sound different so he sounds like the Boss. The Boss does no such thing, he's usually too busy stroking something *snigger* but if the description goes out of the way to mention that, it would've mentioned the mouth thing.
3) The casual reveal that he's The Boss despite separating the two aliases for 13/10 episodes so far. I mean yeah it's not supposed to be a shocking plot twist when it does come out, the joke is that Damien thinks it is and no one's shocked since it was so obvious. Not this obvious mind!
It does seem though I got the timeline of Damien's personality change wrong. It must've been after I did World Domination's draft, not in between Aggressions parts. Which begs the question of if I planned to have a goofy villain, with this scene to come, why did I start FV with a serious (half of an) episode?
"Okay," Damien said quietly. The Old Man finally disappeared. "I shall fly from here," Damien said in his Mewtwo voice. He raised his arm into the air but nothing happened as usual. Suddenly he disappeared. With that Marill and Raichu disappeared. The viewscreen went off.
For anyone who's seen Pokémon the First Movie you may get this. May.
"That was very disturbing," Kiara 2 muttered. The battle continued.
You're not wrong. You'll have to get used to it for now.
Oh yeah, the battle was paused. Except for the few Tolg drones traumatised by Old Man tales.
"Captain, something else is emerging from the wormhole," Tuvok said.
"Great, they're sending in reinforcements," Tom muttered.
Ah okay, now things are going as Morgan told them. Sort of.
"No, it's a Borg Sphere," Tuvok said. On the viewscreen a Borg Sphere emerged followed by a flash of light. The other Borg Sphere disappeared with the flash.
Yep see, the Borg Sphere was on the other side of the wormhole waiting and... WAIT WHAT?
The other Borg Sphere disappeared with the flash.
Buckle up once more. We're moving into Migraine territory with this one.
This was the part of the episode where I stared at the screen, probably rubbing my sore head with a WTF expression on my face.
And may I remind you, I WROTE IT, PLANNED THE PARADOX AND LATER PLOT TWISTS INVOLVING IT, AND IT CONFUSED THE HELL OUT OF ME. Haha good luck, enjoy!
The Borg Sphere:
Tiran rematerialised onboard. The drones ignored him. He pressed a couple of controls. The little viewscreen activated and showed the interior of the Tolg Ship.
That's the newly arrived Borg Sphere btw, the one Morgan was on went poof for some reason.
Oh I'm ruining it by trying to make sense of it. Let's just react instead, I enjoyed doing my reviews a lot more when I was randomly shouting, much more fun.
"We are the Tolg, you will be zombified, resistance is useless," the disembodied voice said.
"Not this time, we will destroy ourselves first," Tiran said.
"You will be Zombified," the voice said. The screen turned off.
TOO LATE TIRAN
"A Human transported to the Borg ship just before the first Borg Sphere disappeared," Tuvok said.
"Tiran," Kiara 2 muttered.
DAMN IT TIRAN, YOU HAD ONE JOB. I DUNNO WHAT IT WAS BUT YOU FAILED IT
"Beam him out," Kathryn ordered.
"I can't, there is some sort of virus in his body, I can't get a lock," Harry said.
I TOLD YOU TO CHECK THAT VIRUS OUT. NOBODY LISTENS
"Captain, the Borg ship is vulnerable, the Tolg are powering weapons again," Tuvok said.
WHAT, WHY? AT WHO?
"They're firing," Tuvok said. On the viewscreen, three torpedoes hit the Sphere. It imploded. Suddenly the Tolg ship disappeared.
I'M SURE THERE'S A REASONABLE EXPLANATION FOR THIS
"What happened to the Tolg," Kathryn asked.
"I believe they have been erased from the timeline," Tuvok replied.
WHY? YOU STILL REMEMBER THEM. STOP LYING
"Of course, the Tolg, they have advanced temporal technology. It may explain the temporal anomaly, the wormhole. The two things were a trap," Kiara 2 said.
WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THE TEMPORAL JUNK BEFORE, MISSY? THE EPISODE IS CALLED TIMELINE, YOU'RE FROM THE PAST/FUTURE WHATEVER. IT SEEMS RELEVANT TO ME, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
NOOO, ALTERNATE VERSION OF THE BORG BUT WORSE IS GOOD ENOUGH HUH?
AGAIN, WHY THE TWO THINGS? A TEMPORAL ANOMALY DISGUISED AS A WORMHOLE WOULD SUFFICE. IT WAS ALREADY ARTIFICIAL
"For what purpose?" Chakotay asked.
OH RIGHT, WE'RE BLAMING ALL OF THIS ON THE TOLG. IF I SHOW UP AT A COFFEE MACHINE AND THERE'S NO COFFEE, I'LL BE BLAMED FOR IT BECAUSE I'M A COFFEE DRINKER EXPERT? IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE KNOWN COFFEE THIEF WHO SNATCHED THAT KID'S COFFEE AND SPILLED IT ALL OVER HER JUST BEFORE.
All right, I'll bite. Why would the Tolg faff about like this? The Borg were waiting for someone, probably Voyager itself, on the other side of the wormhole to assimilate. The first trap. So what would the Tolg have to gain from slapping a temporal anomaly right next to it? For s$$$s and giggles? No come on, tell me.
"The Tolg never have a reason to do what they do," Kiara 2 replied.
It's a reaction to time crap, it's appropriate!
"Tiran knew that the Tolg were involved," Kathryn said.
I see not sharing important info runs in this Borg family.
That's quite a leap though. He might not have. They didn't see his conversation with the Tolg earlier, only we "saw" that. It's likely he was as surprised as Voyager were and didn't expect his ship to go poof, as he did threaten to destroy it.
"So he must of planted the virus in his blood stream, lured the other Tolg Sphere through the wormhole, and beamed aboard. By destroying the Borg Sphere originally, the Tolg wouldn't be able to continue their plans, so they would go back to their time," Kiara 2 explained.
Tolg Sphere. Someone made an oopsiedaisy. YOU MEAN BORG SPHERE RIGHT??? TOLG HAS PYRAMIDS, KEEP UP
"But if the Borg Sphere is destroyed, then Tani would be erased from history," Harry said.
OH YEAH, FUNNY STORY
"Sickbay to Bridge. Tani is ready to leave Sickbay."
(Janeway's actual face at this moment)
"Doctor how?" Kathryn asked.
"I injected Tani with the nanovirus just in case. She asked to be injected."
Sigh. Let me guess, she knew what would happen too. Kiara makes sense, her assimilation is tied to this event. But Tani is still on that other Borg Sphere in a maturation chamber... Which brings up an interesting tidbit I missed and wished I hadn't; if Tani was assimilated two years ago when she was one (this dialogue is to establish Tani is a year older than Kiara), surely when this incident happened and cut her off, she'd look older than her true age. I think Seven said a few months of a maturation chamber is enough. She'd be an adult when this incident took place, let alone 13 years later. Yet the series describes and treats her as a 16 year old.
DAMN IT I GOT IT ALL WRONG
HUGE SPOILERS FOR B4FV2 DO'S AND DON'TS AND SEASON TWO'S TRUE Q, SKIP TO NEXT JANEWAY IF YOU HAVEN'T READ EITHER: It's not that it doesn't make sense, it does. In the true events Tani was physically 16 at the time of the incident. Do's and Don'ts shows her but doesn't name her, it's not confirmed to be her until much much later. But even without that, this wormhole incident isn't the truth. Tani was assimilated, put into a maturation chamber, recently released at her new age of 16, and her ship was sent on the mission to assimilate Lena (and James) in the past (around original season two time/aka B4FV2) which disconnects her and the others.
It's kinda a clue like the same implants "Kiara" has had since 2 years old that all is not how it seems. It's mentioned but casts a seed of doubt as between 2-15 she'll have grown a LOT, those implants would've done more than scar her skin. THINK ABOUT IT. They got a cover story with the mention, but it should give you a hmm moment. THIS HOWEVER, never gets brought up and questioned... until now anyway lol. I knew what I was doing with inserting Tani, but clearly when I wrote it I forgot all about it and treat it as a regular non clue event.
If Q had wanted to fool Voyager, perhaps an alteration of Tani's back story like she was recently assimilated/hadn't been in the maturation chamber long, same age as Kiara etc... Or made her older to suit the story.
It's interesting because the Reboot sorta did all of the "above", as when I wrote it I really thought this was fact; Tani was assimilated in the same year as a baby, making her actually younger than Kiara but she'd have a brief stint in the maturation chamber, forcing her to overtake in the age department.
It's a little convoluted but it makes more sense than Tani aging as normal in those two years as a Borg. Maybe that's what the drawers were for *snigger* If her biological age being wrong but not called out was intentional then oops, I've clearly forgotten and somewhere along the way my mind's fixed it so much I assumed the new reboot version was fact. It's just as likely I didn't think Tani's origins through fully, fixed it later and forgotten I had done that at all. Either way, Reboot Timeline's Tani is not suspicious in the slightest.
"I'm going in my ready room before my headache gets any worse," Kathryn said. She walked into her readyroom. James headed for the turbolift and he left the Bridge.
Jessie sulked. "This is getting annoying!" she exclaimed.
HOW DARE HE WALK INTO A TURBOLIFT. THE NERVE.
Oh sorry let me do this again. ahem. HOW DARE HE TRY TO LEAVE A SCENE WHILE I'M STILL IN IT. WHAT, HE HAD VARIOUS SCENES WITHOUT ME? I'LL KILL HIM. WHERE'S MY CHOKE CHAIN?
Remember when Jessie complained that this was her doing, that she was the one who upset James with the avoidy denial lie?
"It's not his fault, remember," Triah muttered.
"Whatever. It's just it's my birthday tomorrow and it's going to be spoilt if he keeps acting like this," Jessie muttered.
Jessie's Sin Points: +1 - OH BACK TO WHERE YOU STARTED, TOO BAD
Here's a suggestion, ho hum... APOLOGISE AND/OR EXPLAIN IT TO HIM
Yeah it'll look like a sneaky ploy to make sure you get pressies, but it would likely solve your little problem.
Captains Log Supplemental: Repairs to the ship are underway. Our two new Borg drones have had most of their implants removed. Kiara has asked to be called by her middle name so it doesn't get too confusing. Lastly the species known as the Tolg still remains a mystery.
Remind me, what was her middle name, I forget.
Who cares about the Tolg, they were clearly a plot device, get out of Borg jail card. A clean way to avoid explaining the paradox yet.
"So, did anything happen today?" Triah asked.
"If you mean, did we make up or anything, the answer is no. He was out of the door before I got to say a single word," Jessie muttered.
SO MUCH FOR THE APOLOGISE SUGGESTION, MY BAD
"Jess, this is getting worse, you've got to talk to him," Triah said.
"What's the point, I never get a chance to talk to him," Jessie said.
I'm surprised he can even get away from you.
I don't see it as getting worse but getting the same.
They walked into the Mess Hall, everyone that was there jumped out from hiding places.
"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled. Triah grinned at Jessie's shocked face.
"Triah, who planned this?" Jessie asked.
"Who do you think," Triah replied.
I think this episode spends more time developing the Old Man and James/Jessie subplots than it does actual Timeline. I also think that this review has took far too long and I want to get back to writing reboots.
James, Craig and Morgan walked up to her.
Why does Kiara/Morgan walk up to greet Jessie personally? Have they even met? They were on the bridge at the same time sure, but did they ever exchange anything?
Let's skip the meeting and gradual getting to knows, and jump straight to them being "friends"
Tani was right behind them, she now had longish dark brown hair which she kept in a pony tail. She had a large nanoprobe in her cheek alongside a large scar.
I CAN'T PICTURE IT, YOU DIDN'T DESCRIBE HER OUTFIT. OMG, SHE HAS NO CLOTHES. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON WOMAN
"Do you really think I would of forgotten your birthday?" James asked with a grin on his face.
Try to talk while grinning. It sounds weird and you look like an idiot. Trust me, I'm an expert.
"So is this the reason why you kept avoiding me?" Jessie asked.
"Sort of. I have something for you," he replied.
Yeah um, not buying it. Six whole months to plan a surprise birthday party?? Haha pull the other one. Maybe the last day or so, and I guess that's all we saw.
Ok fine he says sort of, but it still gets accepted as gospel anyway.
Who cares. NOW KI...
He leaned down and he kissed her on the cheek.
"What was that for?" Jessie asked.
"I don't know, it seemed right. Now we're even," James replied with a grin.
Was he still grinning during the kiss? How strange. I got a weird mental image right now.
Oh btw, that's not even-ing it out. She did that in seemingly private, Tom spotted you and made a fuss, then she "I dunno, felt like it" denied her reasoning for it. You did it in public in front of everyone just to make it even? Yeah sure, whatever.
Jessie grinned too and they both hugged each other. As usual Tom sniggered.
"Oooh!" he teased. Harry whacked him hard on the head.
"Shut up will you!" he groaned angrily.
THANK YOU HARRY
TOM, YOU'RE NOT 8 ANYMORE. GROW UP PLEASE
"Is he always like that?" Tani asked. Morgan nodded. Craig walked over to Tani and Morgan.
"Hi girls, Tani, you look really nice but Morgan is much nicer," he said. Tani grabbed his ear hard. Morgan laughed as Craig started squealing like a kid. Naomi and Kiara walked over to them.
ATTA GIRL TANI. YOU'LL DO WELL HERE
"Hi, sis," Kiara said happily.
"Sis? I'm not my own sister," Morgan said.
Um, surely someone should have briefed Morgan on this cos for all you know, that's what Janeway or Chakotay told Kiara and Morgan will have unintentionally screwed that up. WORST... yeah you get the picture.
"Mum said that it would be less confusing if we pretended we were sisters," Kiara said.
Phew, bullet dodged.
How did they explain this to a two year old? The adults are struggling to figure it all out.
"Yeah I suppose that's true," Morgan said.
YEAH I FORESEE NO PROBLEMS WITH THIS... mwahahahaha
AND THAT'S THE END
Well let's see how everything tallies up.
1) I know FV is written simplistically and looks/is rushed, but Timeline really feels like a draft simply typed up with random scenes chucked in. It is that so, yeah.
2) The dilemma over what to do with Kiara and Morgan doesn't last very long. Morgan has a solution immediately. To be fair she should have a solution before she contacted them, but if she did before that Ready Room scene perhaps she should've followed her opening lines with it.
The story had oodles of potential and I know from the Kidz Trek plans I had. Yes the KT version ended with it and FV is basically starting with Timeline, but it doesn't fully excuse this. At 12/13 I imagined a much better version of this, how could 14/15 year old me be so far off the mark?
3) I'll have to find the draft to know for sure, but the scene with James and Craig in Sickbay is damn right awful because of all the character juggling it did. At the very least James reacting to a s$$$y insult by bursting into tears and pouting for a few sentences is embarrassing, it's only there to make fun of a male character who's sensitive and already has an abusive dad who preyed on him for this pencilled in, in a couple episodes time. Classy.
4) A bit related to 2, but Kiara 2/Morgan doesn't really do much but spout exposition and occasionally make a tame comment by her future standards. She has very little personality despite being a Janeway kid and future Kiara. Being brought up on a Borg ship, separated from her dead parents, meeting them because of time travel etc... she takes on the chin. Which brings me to...
5) The whole situation feels like another day on the job for the crew. Barring Chakotay's brief outburst toward Tuvok, no one really reacts to this. Think about it. They discover a Borg Sphere, they hail and discover a possible teenaged version of J/C's baby daughter Borg-ified. She explains that in two days they'll go into a wormhole and encounter the sphere, who will at least badly damage the ship and kill a few people (Janeway, Chakotay and B'Elanna), which is when she's assimilated. I know I'd react to this with more than an "oh, come on over and get your implants off."
6) Like Collective Instinct, though I think that's kinda the point, nobody questions the disconnected Borg ship. At least Timeline have the temporal anomaly as the unsaid excuse. I have no problem with leaving misleading clues and foreshadowing, Season Four is rife with them. It helps though to bring them into a little spotlight. Not mentioning them you run the risk of somebody not noticing the clue/foreshadowing at all. It becomes a plothole for anyone truly paying attention.
7) The ending sequence of ships disappearing and blowing up, viruses weakening, Tolg and traps etc... is very VERY confusing. I know it's meant to be a little, and it's point was that some of the mystery remains at the end. The episode doesn't explain anything. The characters guess and move on. Which would be fine also if the events before the guessing weren't so jumbled. The future sphere vanishes as soon as its present day self appears, the Tolg vanish after blowing them up and don't get me started on that little paradox.
I'll tell you the barebones of how the ending should've gone. The Tolg appear to assimilate the future Borg sphere, as it's easier to do so without the collective control. Tiran assumes they're taking advantage now, but the Voyager crew assume they caused the anomaly from Morgan's "they have temporal tech" comment. Present Day Borg Sphere arrives as predicted. Tiran knows the Tolg and the present day Borg getting his ship would be a disaster, so two birds one stone epiphany leads him to sabotage the ship; virus, self destruct etc... Take out present day sphere and not only will they not be dragged into the past, the Tolg won't be lured there to assimilate the future sphere. Present day sphere destroyed or damaged and retreats, Tolg vanish into thin air.
That's all I really needed to do. It still leaves a little hints and questions behind to make readers wonder, but it is resolved in a way that makes some sense, has a flair of tragedy/drama with Tiran and his crew's sacrifice, and is tied up in a neat enough bow for anyone who didn't notice the clues. It also wouldn't make my reboot 15 years later such a headache. That was fun, let me tell you.
8) While the James and Jessie story is just ok, the writers and Old Man story as usual are awful distractions for the episode. It also tries to reveal something about Morgan that doesn't need to be until Season Two.
9) I think you got the message; Craig crushing on Morgan is eeeeewwww enough since she's 15 and he's canonically 20 in the original (19 in Reboot but that still doesn't save him from eewness). However people did tell him she was a teenaged version of Kiara, the toddler he's babysat since she was a baby, which makes it even more bleeeurgh. It's a shame, because once she is more than old enough (and it's revealed she isn't Kiara) I love their story. I mean don't get me wrong, I adore James and Jessie's relationship the most - despite some of its issues - but Lena and Craig feel more... I wanna say realistic but J/J do go through some realistic struggles too. Gah, I love both despite their flaws. Craig/Lena have the squick beginning (and I guess you could argue squick reveal late Season Five) and I guess it's meant to be a little off, and James/Jessie have the Silent Scream mess and early S1 weirdness (Unforgettable! Demon clones! ETC!). Meh. Shutting up about this now.
1) The combination of it being a draft written months earlier before Aggressions and it being too damn important not to do so, Timeline is one of those episodes that bothers to tell its whole story. Yes its whole story is a little thin but it's there.
2) The draft also means the main storyline isn't off the wall insane (it doesn't always work though, World Domination is a killer!). As mentioned it feels more like Aggressions Part 1 than any other episode.
3) I complained at length but Craig does get some development in this one. He's clearly still insecure about his place on Voyager and fails to see that he has been accepted by the main crew, despite his behaviour towards women. The slightest negative thing makes him doubt it, and 99% of the time people give him a hard time because of that behaviour. James hitting him was one of the rare examples of it not being that, but as mentioned it wasn't unprovoked. It's too bad he learns nothing and goes right back to flattery flirting again, while insulting another girl to do it.
4) Once more it may only be ok in its presentation, however the James and Jessie story is a nice nod of continuity story and character wise. Yeah Jessie goes a bit off the rails as she goes back and forth at who she's mad at/who's to blame, S1 Jessie tends to be a bit awful though. Collective Instinct, Holo Q and now this are the first of many steps in their storyline for S1, which leads into S2 and well the rest of the series.
5) Is this cheating? Probably. Timeline gets a positive point for introducing Morgan and finally properly kicking off the series' storyline. Yeah you can tell she was my favourite from the way she was written... for years probably. Luckily though she pretty much has to share the spotlight nowadays with my other extras James, Craig, modern day Jessie, Kiara, modern day Damien. Adore them all. STILL, if it weren't for her the series wouldn't exist. AND suddenly everyone reading this hates Morgan haha.
Marill's Rating: 6/10
Exclaimed Count: 10 (137)
Muttered Count: 36 (305)
Motto Count: 1 (11)
Sexist crap (against my own gender) count: 2 (10)
Jessie's Sin Points: -1 then a 1 evened it out (6)
Morgan the Sue Count: 2 (2)