Marill Re-Reads The Fight
Here's the stats so far.
Exclaimed Count: 77 (Bare in mind a lot of exclaimed's were replaced in 2003 with different verbs like yelled, shouted, cried, said, asked etc...)
Muttered Count: 105 (We hit the big 100 during only the seventh episode. It's a miracle! And no muttered's were not a part of the 2003 edits)
Motto Count: 7
Sexist crap against my own gender count: 2
NO MAKE ME STOP. Make me stop, please.
Ahem, couldn't resist. This shouldn't take long. I hope. I also hope I stop here for a break. I should be replacing old Season One, not wasting time reviewing it.
"Damn, why did I program myself to experience headaches?" the Doctor muttered.
"Doctor, make those voices in my head stop!" Kiara cried. Jessie and James walked into Sickbay. The Doctor was sitting at his deck holding his head as Kiara was crying. As soon as the Doctor saw the pair he ran over to them.
Well the self inflicted cold was so funny, so why not?
"Thank god, you guys know something about holo technology. Get rid of this headache!" the Doctor yelled. Kiara continued crying.
"What's wrong with her?" Jessie asked.
Wait so he did this to himself, Kes isn't here and yet he can't get rid of it. I bet she's hovering around, cackling away to herself.
Oh and Jessie don't care, the kid screaming is higher priority. I agree with that. Let's pretend Timeless never existed.
"I will know when I can concentrate, get rid of this headache," the Doctor said. James groaned. He walked over to a console and he pressed in some commands. "Oh thank god for that," the Doctor groaned.
"Voices huh? What are they saying?" the Doctor asked.
"Anderson to Taylor. James, whatever you've done to my program, it isn't funny!"
Well that's easily fixed. Wrong number/brain pal, you should be in James' head, voices.
"Don't play dumb, because you can't get any dumber!"
"Seriously I don't know what you mean," James said.
"My Holodate program! The host and audience have gone loopy!"
"Holodate program?" Jessie sniggered.
"Oh crap! James, you could of told me that Jessie was there."
Well you didn't really give him a chance to warn you. And why would he? Silly boy.
"You didn't know? Then who's fiddled with it? Oh forget I ever called."
"Did you really reprogram it?" Jessie asked.
"I didn't even know he had one," James replied.
"Maybe Harry should visit it," the Doctor said.
"I heard that!"
Hmm? I guess it's obvious who's whining and all, it still looks lazy though.
It's not lol funny but I smiled a little.
"No, he spends too much in there in the first place. Anyway a hologram is already on his list of girlfriends," James said.
Tom's ears are burning. Insulting Harry's crushes by listing them is his thing.
Oh yeah, and OH SNAP
If it were not for the missing "time" in that first sentence. Fixed as I always do when I spot them, regardless of age.
"Kim to Sickbay, again. We have a medical emergency."
OR THERE WILL BE *CRACKS KNUCKLES*
Even S1 James laughs at the threat, Harry pouts.
"I'm on my way, Ensign," the Doctor said. He glanced at Kiara and then at Jessie and James. "Anyway, what do you two want?"
OMG MEDICAL EMERGENCY, I'M ON MY WAY... IN A SEC, GOTTA MAKE SURE OUR RISING STAR MC'S ARE OK FIRST.
"Oh yeah, Janeway told us to report to you because a crewmember is getting space sick," Jessie replied.
"Is it you?" the Doctor asked.
"Bingo," Jessie said.
"She's always like this when we're in dodgy space," James said.
"Dodgy space?" the Doctor muttered.
"Yeah," James said.
I can feel the awkwardness and see the Doctor's "are you serious" expression.
"That's it, I've got to go. Look after my two patients," the Doctor said. He left the room. Jessie and Kiara just stared at James.
"Er...go lie on the bio beds," he eventually said. Jessie rolled her eyes and she did what she was told. Kiara just started crying again. "Oh, now I'm getting a headache."
Dr James is in the house. WE'RE DOOMED
AND DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES JESSIE. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY DOCTOR WITH HIM
Sickbay, ten minutes later:
"Okay, time for me to sing!" the Doctor yelled.
Aaaannnd this is where the episode rapidly goes downhill.
Though it did inspire the IMO rather hilarious sing/scream off between the Doctor and Kiara in The Seven of Nine Show. I'm gonna forgive the singing bits.
"Oh crap, where's my earplugs?" James asked.
"Crap, crap, crap, crap!" Kiara chanted as she clapped her hands.
Haha, love it when she copies off him like this.
"Er, I'm space sick here! If he sings, I'll throw up," Jessie said. Kiara and James moved away from her. "I was only joking," Jessie groaned.
NOTICED A PLOT HOLE, BUT NOT FOR THE FIGHT BUT FOR DARK FRONTIER. Jessie "always" gets sick in "dodgy" space. So she gets space sick when it gets a bit turbulent. Dark Frontier James sorta decides to join in with this when they jump to transwarp, but is perfectly fine here. Moving on.
"Laaaaaaaa!" the Doctor sang. Everyone blocked their ears. "Laaaaaa!" he sang in a higher pitch. Kathryn walked into the room. "Laaaaaaa!" the pitch was getting higher and unbearable.
"What are you trying to do? Break that window?" Kathryn asked.
What window, it's Sickbay.
"Too late," Kiara giggled as she pointed at the window that partially surrounds the Doctor's office. It had a huge crack in it.
Oh the wall/screen around the Doc's office. Sigh.
"I was just testing to see if there was any damage to his ears," the Doctor replied.
"There is now," Chakotay muttered.
"Oh well, I'll just continue singing," the Doctor said. James ran out of the room.
IT'S EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES, EVEN IF THREE OF YOU AREN'T MEN. GOOD LUCK REGARDLESS
I wonder if the Doctor's hearing what he wants to hear. DOC MY EARS ARE BLEEDING, OK I'LL KEEP DOING THIS
"Chicken," Jessie muttered.
"Chicken, chicken, chicken," Kiara chanted.
Stop it. I'm getting hungry. And lol
"The Doctor to Taylor. Please come back, I'll sing a few Pokémon songs for you," the Doctor said.
IF THIS LEADS TO A MOTTO, I'M GONNA DELETE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU
"Okay, just wait, I'm getting my ear plugs."
Ten minutes later:
"Do you think he's abandoned us?" Kiara asked.
No, I think he's managed to stall the Doc's singing for 10 minutes. What a hero.
"Laaaaaa!" the Doctor sang
"What!?" Jessie yelled.
"Where did you get those ear plugs from, me what em!" Kiara yelled.
Nope. Just stopped him from singing Pokémon songs. What a hero.
"I thought he was going to sing Pokémon songs," Kathryn said. 'Pikachu! I Choose You' came on.
"Pikachu! Something, something, something. I choose you! There is no one else I'd rather have here by my side!" the Doctor sang.
OH S$$$. James has stopped me from winning the lottery. What a hero.
DAMN IT, IT DOESN'T WORK
The singing's so bad Kiara begs for her voices to come back. Like so:
"Come back voices!" Kiara cried.
Screw it, that was cute.
"Computer, deactivate EMH," Chakotay said. Thankfully the Doctor disappeared. Everyone sighed in relief.
"Rex to Taylor. You can come back James, the Doc's not singing anymore," Jessie said. There was no answer.
He was actually getting his ear plugs. What a twist!
"Jessie, go and check it out," Kathryn said. Jessie left the room quickly.
Um, Janeway cool your jets. She could've simply called him while he was on the bog or something. For ten minutes. That's embarrassing okay. I wouldn't answer either. I'd like to hope that someone wouldn't barge into my bathroom to rescue me when I'm really only sitting there playing my DS or something.
I DON'T DO THIS I SWEAR. HONEST
"Aaaaggggghhh! This keyboard is getting on my wick!" Marill grumbled.
"What's happened to the monitor?" Raichu asked as she stared at the monitor.
"It looks brighter," Firera muttered.
Oh look, it's the writers complaining about something. That never gets old. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
"Oh that. Can't do anything about it, Animation Shop has run out and if you remember the mouse isn't bloody working!" Marill exclaimed.
"Oh yeah," Raichu muttered.
"Er...shouldn't we be getting on with the story?" Firera asked.
"Exactly, you should be treating patients not singing Pokémon songs," Kathryn said.
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Wait, one of my patients is missing," the Doctor muttered.
Of course you did, jokes come before plot. You should know this by now.
"Oh Jessie, she's gone to check up on James. She tried to contact him but he didn't answer," Kathryn said.
"He's probably just wearing incredibly good earplugs," Chakotay said.
"Why does nobody appreciate my singing? Oh well, who was I treating?" the Doctor asked.
Meanwhile: god damn it Jessie, I was just playing Pokémon Go on my PADD for a few minutes. Can't I get any privacy around here *pulls up pants*
must not laugh out loud while at work, damn it
"I want to know what's wrong with Chakotay & Kiara," Kathryn said.
"Oh yeah, Chakotay has a genetic marker for a cognitive disorder, sensory tremens. The symptoms are auditory and visual hallucinations," the Doctor said.
FUN TIME'S OVER, BACK TO THE PLOT AND COPIED LINES. YAY
You know, the word for word lines wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't such a huge contrast between that and the new FV ones. It's a hugeeee tone shift, and its super obvious which parts of an episode I wrote even if you don't know Voyager.
"For some reason the gene's been switched on, and I believe the same has happened to Kiara," the Doctor said.
You believe? Here's a suggestion, scan her and find out.
"This Chaotic Space we've entered, could it be stimulating the gene?" Kathryn asked.
HAHA OH YEAH, WE'RE IN SOME DODGY SPACE. THAT WAS MENTIONED, WE'RE GOOD.
"Tuvok tells me you have a mean left jab," Kathryn said quietly. Chakotay laughed and he sat up.
"Never spar with a Vulcan," Chakotay said.
You know in a parody like series, the Tuvok Vs Chakotay scene has endless potential. But no, start the episode after it.
"If you remember 'Cathexis' you will know that I already have," Kathryn said.
"Yeah, but that was me controlling you," Chakotay said.
"Hmm, I suppose," Kathryn muttered.
DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME CHAKOTAY
Jessie stepped inside. She gaped in shock, the whole room was a total mess. She looked over to what used to be the glass table. She ran over to it, James was lying unconscious there. He had cuts and bruises all over face and hands. He had a massive open scar on the left side of his cheek. Jessie knelt down and she tapped her commbadge.
Some thoughts on this
1) God that's a big paragraph for this season
2) Why do they keep getting these glass tables? 9/10 of Star Trek fights ends with someone falling through them.
3) Yeah, for the moment this is quite interesting, no? A subplot for The Fight, er a new twist involving it? Did Chakotay sneak out and mean right jab him while the Doc was singing? But I know already this part of the story makes zero sense, which makes even this scene, which isn't bad, pretty frustrating to me.
The Doctor was scanning James' wounds. Jessie, Kathryn & Chakotay watched near by.
"Janeway to Tuvok. Anything yet?" Kathryn asked as she tapped her commbadge.
"It's a mystery Captain. There are no signs of any other DNA besides Ensign Taylors and Crewman Rex's. Are you absolutely certain he was attacked?"
Jessie come on, if James caught that Eevee before you did, you get over it. This is a step too far! I mean come on, the poor man barely had time to finish pulling up his trousers. At least you were kind enough to cover his modesty before the Doc arrived.
"Can you wake him yet, Doctor?" Kathryn asked.
"I don't think that's a good idea. You know, he'll probably be still in shock about the attack," the Doctor said.
Yeah I'd be traumatised too.
"I just want to know if he knows who the attacker was," Kathryn said.
Wow, what part of "he'll freak out as if he were still under attack if I wake him up" do you not understand?
The Doctor walked up to Jessie with a tricorder.
"How's your space sickness, Crewman?" he asked.
"I think it's gone, I totally forgot about it," Jessie replied.
Aaaw, so worried about him she forgot all about herself. Sho shweet. And so different to her reaction to Kiara in the episode that I can't remember the name of. What reaction? Who? Where am I?
"No problem," Jessie muttered. Kiara walked up to her.
"Can I have some Cherry Coke?" she asked. Jessie waited until the Doctor went into his office.
"Yeah sure," Jessie replied.
Okay I'm getting suspicious about this again. Why she checking the room before answering? Hopefully it's as innocent as Kiara not being allowed the sugar.
Shhh kid, you're gonna get me into trouble.
"We've got sensors, scanning to 1000km, 700,000," Harry said.
"Sensors are stable to one million kilometres we won't be able to scan any further," Craig said.
"Are you picking up anything at that range?" Kathryn asked.
"No planets, no asteroid fields, no sink holes," Harry replied.
I was gonna complain about random Craig at Tactical, but I'd forgotten about James getting beaten up in his quarters, so Tuvok's got a reason not to be there.
Too bad, I had a fun image of my head of him being bungled under his station, feeding Craig a cue card with his lines on.
Anyway they find the previous victims of Dodgy Space and decide to eavesdrop on their logs.
"Hehehehehe! Look at those pretty stars. Can't you hear them talking. Woah! They're talking too fast, there's too many voices now! Stop! Be quiet, I can't understand you, one at a time! I don't want to talk to you anymore, leave me alone! I just want to go home!" the message ended.
I don't see the problem. My diary, if it existed, would be full of entries like these.
"And along the way they started to sound just like Chakotay and Kiara," Tom said.
"I can't believe that's just a coincidence," the Doctor said.
So far Kiara's only been complaining about voices. Chakotay's only had an off screen bout with Tuvok. Gotta love these abridged Voyager episodes, FV style.
"But how come the rest of us haven't been affected?" Craig asked.
"I can't answer that, not yet," the Doctor replied. Tuvok entered the room.
"Commander, anything?" Kathryn asked.
"Negative Captain. We have no evidence of an attacker," Tuvok said.
Jessie: *sheepish look whilst hiding James' PADD, Pokémon GO sound effects come from it*
"I refuse to believe that James would of hurt himself on purpose," Jessie said.
"What about by accident then?" B'Elanna asked.
"Nobody can be that clumsy," the Doctor muttered.
Oh I dunno, there's a reason I avoid buying glass furniture for my house.
Lol Jessie. I never once looked through old episodes to make sure lines like hers weren't contradicting later plot developments, did I?
"Doctor, have you ran a DNA scan on him?" Kathryn asked.
"What will that do?" Jessie asked.
OH CRAP, THEY'RE ONTO ME
"Like, for example, the attacker hit him physically, the attackers DNA would be still there," the Doctor replied.
"But what happens if he wasn't attacked that way?" Jessie asked.
You know like say someone threw a PADD at him, making him fall. I'M ONLY GUESSING.
But you know, seriously. Jessie stop being painfully stupid and I'll stop insinuating that you beat him up with a PADD whilst he sat on the loo, and because he couldn't walk properly cos you know, trousers by ankles, he fell into the table. "Um yeah, the aliens did it."
Also attacker hit him physically, as opposed to?? Telekenesis attack? THE FORCE? Phasers don't scratch, scar and bruise Jess.
"Then we would have to find the object that was used for the weapon. I will get on with a DNA scan now, Captain," the Doctor said and he left the room.
Did it not occur to anyone to do a DNA test on James himself sooner? Lol.
"I doubt the attacker would of been able to attack him without leaving at least one sample of his DNA. Don't worry, Jess, I'll find it," Craig said.
Craig: Gosh, I hope she finds this manly display so smexy she'll reward me with a smooch. Of course she will. I can't wait to tell James he's been demoted to future best man at Jessie and I's wedding. I'll make sure to add a thank you to his attacker for setting us up in the best man speech. He'll find it funny then, I'm sure.
We'll never know, as Janeway and Tuvok shut him down... for about ten seconds. They remember one episode where Tuvok investigated a murder, which this is not, turned violent too and everyone collectively craps their pants. Craig gets the case and hopefully the girl.
The Doctor was talking with Kathryn, Chakotay & Kiara in his office. Jessie came into the room. She walked straight over to James' bio bed. He started to wake up.
"Doctor!" she yelled. The Doctor ran into the room. "He's waking up," she said loudly. He walked up to the biobed.
IS HE WAKING UP
"Nice to see you're awake again, Ensign," the Doctor said. James sat up and he glanced nervously around the room.
"Is he gone?" he asked nervously.
"Who?" Jessie asked.
"Dad," he muttered.
Ho boy, here it comes.
"James, your dad is dead," Jessie said.
"But he was there," James moaned.
"How could he. He's been dead for twenty years," Jessie asked.
"I don't know, he was very angry," James replied.
Bare in mind here, this episode was meant to be the first one to hint at James' backstory. Then Test of Time would dig a little deeper. Of course Test of Time was released first, so this scene that's meant to be a little vague/avoidy on what his dad was like, is being written this way for nothing and I knew it.
Well not nothing I guess. Anyone discovering the site after April 2001 wouldn't read Test first anyway, right. Still, kinda interesting, no? No.
"What did he do to you?" the Doctor asked.
"Dumb question," Jessie muttered.
No Jess, it's not a dumb question. You asking what good would a DNA test on James' wounds do is a dumb question.
"He said something about rentrillic trajectory and the eighteenth dimensional gradient," James said.
"Oh great, here comes Eighteenth Voyager," the Doctor muttered.
Don't be silly Doc. There's only eight seasons to go first, then we'll talk about maybe a Sixth or Seventh (oh wait).
"Then what happened?" Jessie asked.
"Well it's hard to get into exact detail, I was too busy trying to get away from him," James said.
"But, how could a ghost hurt a real person?" Jessie asked.
"The biggest question is why would he go on about rentrillic trajectory and Eighteenth dimensional gradients?" the Doctor asked.
Very late Season Two spoilers. Um... I get anyone asking this question, but not Jessie.
Unforgettable lost a scene where she and James talk about a similar incident with Janeway. It's why The Fight does this to him again... despite the sense it does not make. This isn't a surprise to her.
Maybe being a little harsh here, she's asking how as it's bugged her and James for years.
"After he said that I told him I didn't understand, then he got angry," James replied.
"Maybe he got angry because he didn't get a chance to deliver his message," Kathryn said as she entered the room.
"Captain?" the Doctor muttered.
"I've just got a report from Craig. He told me about his program malfunction. The people inside it actually said a similar thing before he shut the program down," Kathryn said.
Ohhhhhh, of course!
"What does beating me up mean?" James asked.
"It means that the aliens weren't too happy that you didn't understand them," Kathryn replied.
It means piss all. The aliens can only communicate through certain ways, using specific conditions in the brain; Chakotay's crazy gene, Kiara's alleged but not checked because SPOILERS crazy gene, James'... er.................... ah crap. YOU GET THE PICTURE. If they were able to make physical contact and weren't being understood, they'd drive the ship themselves.
Season Two and B4FV Season Three spoilers:
James' sorta makes sense if you consider not only his Slayer abilities (telepathy, visions, the latter was what I was faintly hinting at in The Fight), but the chip in B4FV3 that causes him to hallucinate, see threats everywhere and relive traumatic memories (his dad for example). I mean you could, if I planned that bloody far before writing Season One. I did not though.
It'd be nice to lie and say I FORESHADOWED THE CHIP YEARS AGO, but my lying days are behind me. It's simply not true. Since the chip did not exist, it wasn't the reason for James' injuries. He didn't trash his quarters and fall into a glass table, fending off the dad he was hallucinating.
The episode truly wanted you to think the aliens beat him up because he didn't understand their garbage. Or maybe he really was that clumsy. I mean he does say he was too busy trying to get away from his dad, maybe the table bit WAS an accident. Ok scratch that, he says "beating me up". Maybe he's embarrassed lol or he thought in his terror they were gonna attack him, didn't remember tripping/falling and assumed cos they were posing as his dad. I dunno I'm thinking too hard about this.
The amount of stuff in Season One I'm second or even third guessing in these reviews is ridiculous, and I wouldn't have to if the series wasn't written so simply and stupidly. 2001 being a long time ago doesn't help either.
"But what are these aliens trying to tell us?" Jessie asked.
"Maybe a way out," Kathryn said.
"It could be a trap," the Doctor said.
"If they were trying to destroy us they would just leave us alone, Chaotic Space will kill us if we stay in here to long," Jessie said.
Apart from an only talked about showdown between Chakotay and Tuvok, and a possible one between James and his hallucinations, there is nothing here that explains The Fight title. Just saying.
"The only way to find out what the aliens are trying to tell us is by somebody actually listening to them," the Doctor said.
Oh yeah, let's add new characters to The Fight. That should mix things up, make it more interesting, etc... Maybe someone could help Chakotay, double team, maybe another will aid in some other way. The possibilities are endless.
"Don't look at me. You saw what happened last time I had a message," James said.
"I doubt Craig would want to go in his program again after what happened," Kathryn said.
"So it's either Kiara or Chakotay," Jessie said.
"I doubt Kiara would volunteer," Kathryn muttered.
"I get the feeling this episode is going to end like the original," Jessie muttered.
Nah, too hard! Shut down in a few lines.
Not that I was expecting baby Kiara to help out. Back then I probably considered it because well, Mirror Universes follows this.
"Oooh, time for some J/C action at last, we haven't had any since Aggressions," James said sarcastically.
"I'm still here, Ensign," Kathryn said angrily.
I'M STILL GUTTED ABOUT THE MISSING TIMELESS SCENE. OR TIMELESS ITSELF, I SKIPPED THAT ONE ENTIRELY :(
Ok, joking but there still was a J/C scene in the episode that shall not be named. It's Timeless. So part way through the next episode I was already de-canoning it? Cool!
"Said sarcastically." What part of that is sarcastic? I remember one scene in 7 episodes. ONE!
Something tells me James exclaimed that originally.
"Er, Marill, are we going to get on with the good part of the episode?" Raichu's voice asked.
"Hehehehehe! This CD Player is just soo fun!" Firera's voice giggled.
F$$$$$$ hell! It feels like this CD player has been in the series more than Craig or Kiara at this point. It'll be in the imaginary opening credits before long.
Sickbay, a little time later:
Chakotay woke up again and he quickly sat up.
"Commander?" the Doctor muttered. Chakotay pushed him out of the way. The Doctor tried to block his path again.
"Get them out!" Chakotay exclaimed.
"Let go, Commander," the Doctor said calmly.
"I can't take anymore punches," Chakotay moaned.
The Fight continues with no more distractions and changes. It's pointless to quote anymore than that.
"What happened?" she asked. He continued to walked towards the opps console, pushing her along with him.
"I nearly got knocked out, move over Harry," Chakotay replied.
What? I don't remember every line off by heart. Also no DVDs yet means no subtitles. Sacrifices must be made.
Oh by the way Tuvok's back on the bridge instead of Craig. I'm guessing he took everyone's word for it that aliens communicating with altered genes manifested into a ghost and beat James up, for the funsies.
Captains Log Supplemental: We've cleared Chaotic Space and Chakotay and James have been released from Sickbay.
"Wow, we haven't been nasty to Tom in this episode," James said.
Well at least you admit it's nasty.
"Yeah, you're right, this episode sucks...oh wait there's Tom," Jessie said just as Tom and Harry walked in.
"But Jess, we haven't got a reason to beat him up," James muttered.
You were the one who was complaining about the lack of nasty... er bullying, picking on, assault. Oh never mind!
And yes the episode sucks but it's better than most of what's gone on before.
"So Tom, what were you saying about Harry being a jerk...oh hi Harry," Jessie said.
Wow, it's so cunning I'd never have thought of it. You're so clever. Harry and Tom will never figure it out.
See, now that's sarcasm.
"Jess, what are you talking about?" Tom asked. Harry stared angrily at him.
"Jessie, what did he say?" Harry asked.
HE STILL FALLS FOR IT, AND JERK IS ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM ANGRY
"Oh he said that you're just like Craig and that you're obsessed with the holodeck," Jessie said. James walked up to the group.
OH S.... Nah screw it.
"Don't worry Harry, we'll take care of him," Jessie said as she picked up one of Neelix's pans. She hit him hard on the head with it. Tom collapsed onto the ground.
Jerk is so offensive. Tom had it coming.
"That was the one Neelix used to hit that Kazon with in 'Projections.' It can knock people out for hours," James laughed.
You mean the pan that the Doctor had in his Holodeck program? That pan? Okay!!
"Er...you weren't lying were you guys?" Harry asked.
HOLY S$$$ HARRY'S A GENIUS
Nooooooooooooooooooo!! Wherever did you get that idea?
*sarcasm metre runs out* Aaaw man, it's not even 12 o'clock yet.
"We were, we needed to be nasty to Tom at least once in this episode. Oh well, see you later," Jessie said.
Seven gets treated better than Tom for the majority, perhaps all of Season One barring post-Endgame episodes Dark Frontier and Upendi. In a series where the running gags include her always dying but coming back from the dead as if nothing happened, the sight of her makes people ill, and her entire storyarc is mocked. Think about that for one minute.
I know, anyone at the time still reading FV probably wasn't taking it all that seriously. I know that. But this, James and Jessie both admit they're only "nasty" to Tom, and I'll cover that in a sec, because they have a quota. It's tradition. He does nothing wrong, let alone does something to deserve a frying pan to the head. Even Seven later gets more build up than that.
If it were funny like the Doc swinging the Borg arm around whilst talking to Seven accident in Dark Frontier, I would give it a pass. I still like the silly slapstick humour occasionally. It's not funny though. They say "oh yeah we need to hurt him", lazily lie to try to justify it and then wack him on the head. Har bloody har.
Original James and Jessie are just awful at times, and I'd be surprised if they were liked at all in the beginning. And if they were, were still liked by the same people by the time Season Five ended. Don't get me wrong, the pair are still vicious, Tom still gets humiliated, etc... but at least they have reasons for behaving like it and are not as cruel as they were here.
This is bullying, really extreme bullying. Plain and simple. I do not like it. I think I would object if they were doing the exact same thing to Seven, tbh. Mainly because it makes the characters I want people to like look like pieces of s$$$, while the characters I do hate look like, no, actually are victims (since again Tom does nothing) so the majority would sympathise with them. It accomplishes the opposite of what I intended.
She put her arm around James' and they walked out of the room giggling their heads off, leaving Harry to look after Tom.
Yeah that doesn't make them look cute and innocent after what they, or she did. It makes them look like a pair of psychopaths.
I couldn't even picture the linked arms skipping away like I did with Hunters. The innocence has well and truly left the building.
Well let's see how everything tallies up.
1) The Doctor's headache in the beginning adds nothing to the story, nothing. It isn't used for a joke, and if it were it was so unfunny I missed it, it doesn't further along the plot or derail it for that matter, it's got nothing to do with "Dodgy Space", because he can't cure it himself it doesn't give James or Jess the excuse to stick around, they both have reasons to be there (well James does later). It is POINTLESS.
2) The Doctor's laaaaaa singing could've been funny if done right. It wasn't done right. The Pokémon songs makes a bad joke worse.
3) James runs out of Sickbay during this and goes home. If it's bad enough to leave in a hurry, then it's bad enough to rescue sick Jessie and Kiara. Even if they are ill and should be there. It's a bad excuse to get him to leave, despite the fact that apart from fixing the Doc's headache which he wasn't called in to do, he didn't need to be there anyway.
4) Writers intermission only there so I could complain about my keyboard, monitor AND MOUSE woes.
5) When The Fight scenes rear their head finally, there are no changes made to them. As usual. At least the right characters are speaking the lines, except for Craig on the bridge briefly. I won't class this as a positive as the excessive copying shouldn't be happening.
6) While we're on the subject, the episode not only starts after they enter Chaotic Space and randomly names it as if we knew about it, but it skips over the good stuff like Chakotay's hallucination fight on the Bridge. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that Chakotay ends up still being the negotiator for the aliens, like before, so seeing his struggles before said negotiation/mediation would've been nice. But no, we got nothing. Told and not shown, a classic FV trope.
7) Despite James saying it's gonna happen, the J/C stuff of the episode never happens. It's almost as if FV is avoiding J/C like the writer doesn't believe in it or dislikes it. Considering the initial inspiration to write my Kidz Trek plots and characters into Voyager was J/C fanfiction, that's pretty damn insulting. I have a feeling why. I was weird about writing romance stuff despite my habit of shipping at least one pair in everything I get into. Sad really.
8) I know what I was trying to do with James' part in The Fight story and I'll go into that in positives, but the execution doesn't make any lick of sense. I've tried to rationalise it in the review, and some of my ideas do make some sense... however the episode doesn't humour any of them, give any clue if they were the intention so even I don't know for certain. Until I spot otherwise, The Fight expects readers to believe the aliens beat him up for not understanding the message.
9) The Fight avoids showing any fights.
10) Chakotay is still the one picked to save the day. All the other characters do in this episode is foreshadow their future arcs, or in Craig's case is comic relief. I mean yeah it's kinda a positive that an original character was the hero of the hour, but the episode rarely focused on him, opting to focus on Kiara and James. It also screams I couldn't be bothered to change anything, so I'll keep the rest of the episode the same and pass it off as a joke. Hurray!
11) The must beat up Tom scene is not funny, and as a result only makes my two new main characters look like bullying assholes.
1) Apart from my first negative, I enjoyed the opening scene as much as I can enjoy a Season One episode anyway. The Holodate program stuff with Craig, Harry's random out of nowhere eavesdropping when he's mentioned, the I assume intentionally awkward exchange over James' Dodgy Space line. Liked all of that.
2) I much prefer Season One Kiara when she's acting more like a kid, copying off the words she hears and finds funny. It being usually James and Jessie's, especially James', words makes it funnier to me. Much prefer her scenes here than in the episode that shall not be named before this one.
3) Jessie stumbling on James after his attack and some of the aftermath isn't bad, it's good for Season One. As mentioned many times a lot of James and Jessie's backstory were developed before writing their first official episode, not Hunters. James more so tbh. It's nice to get hints that I wasn't deluding myself and stuff like James' abusive dad and his thinking he was haunted by his father really were decided in the beginning.
4) It's debatable if it's the same point as 3, but James being affected at all is pretty good even if it's not explained properly or at all. Originally Kiara and Craig were the only extras to be infected, then when James and Jessie appeared on the scene, James was added. Kiara's point in the episode was foreshadowing and intrigue. According to J/C she appeared out of nowhere, everyone else assumed denial. Nothing else has happened to prove or deny either claims. She's just been there, the cute kid of the popular 'ship, the most used fanfic trope of all time... I'd wager. Timeless tried badly to hint there was more to it, but bleh! The Fight hides its hint, disguising it as being she inherited Chakotay's crazy gene, but it's never confirmed.
Craig's Holodeck was a bit off, the aliens weren't meant to take advantage of a gene or mind issue since he should've been in original Voyager, so I needed to explain why it was only Chakotay in the original. Him being in the Holodeck and them tampering with it slightly was intended as a joke, and that it remained. James though, so far he's just the regular (batcrap insane) guy. I had still developing plans for him. Collective Instinct would hint at that later (or had, since it was written before this), The Fight would do the same for him as it did for Kiara. Hint the aliens preyed on him somehow but not commit to the how. (Still a negative that the beat up was brushed off that way though).
5) The Fight's pretty inoffensive compared to most of the episodes I've done for this section. I've felt shame and rambled a lot in my head, aloud and in the reviews. Test of Time and Timeless both left me with headaches. Test of Time actually made me ill, no joke, it took me a couple of days to shake off the tired pain I was feeling. I've had to take a break from a few of them (Test of Time again!). I've continuously tried to justify in my head why something was written and failed cos I'm no longer in the frame of mind I was when I wrote it. To sum it up once more, The Fight didn't annoy me at all whilst reading it. Even with the Tom ending and James' beaten up issue, I was pretty meh reading them despite my high word count.
And yes I realise that "it didn't make me ill or angry" is a pretty weird positive point, you have to admit though so far Fifth Voyager's been very weird.
I imagine it'll still get rated below some of the annoying ones because of the flaws I picked out, which is a shame considering. And yes I have a fair system of rating the episodes now which I tested with Test of Time & Unforgettable. I imagine it's quite easy to figure out how I erm... figure out a number out of 10.
Marill's Rating: 4/10
Ten reviews in (Test of Time included), what's the rankings so far:
1st: Aggressions Part 1, Unforgettable, and Once Upon A Time (7/10)
2nd: Mental Illness and The Fight (4/10)
3rd: Hunters (3/10)
4th: Year of Hell and Test of Time (2/10)
5th: Timeless (1/10)
6th: Aggressions Part 2 (0/10)
Yeah that looks about right. Hunters is the only surprise, and even then it's only a tiny surprise. I had a feeling its infamy was only because it was thee awful one from the beginning, while the others below it I was naively blind to their awfulness for too long.
Exclaimed Count: 6 (83)
Muttered Count: 30 (135)
Motto Count: 0 (7)
Sexist crap against my own gender count: 0 (2)