Marill Re-Reads "Oasis of Abatua"

Part 3 starts with some copy and pasting, as well as grossness. In a nutshell Lena-Twin makes out with Iinan's rotting corpse.

Back to the group, minus Duncan, Craig suddenly happens to know how to get to this gate the badguys want to open. Duncan's as good as rescued I say.

More Mummy Returns ish scenes, but at least Duncan's learning how to improvise his script

"What does behave mean?" Duncan asked.

Tanaia smiled. "Trust me, if you don't do it, you'll wish you had."

You know what, I think this is just because the movie was still new and I hadn't memorised the whole thing yet.

The weird henchmen thugs from part 1 show up for some reason. Lena Twin hands them their red shirts before giving them a tour of the train they're on.

Masked Iinan and Duncan meet, and its as original as this part is so far. Nothing missed, nothing, nothing.

If you don't know the Mummy Returns, Duncan's new bracelet gives him clues to where they need to go, and will die if he doesn't reach this gate in time. There's a bit of back and forth banter, but don't worry, it's more Alex than Duncan. Moving on.

And now it's time for one of my favourite scenes of the "episode", prepare for edge.

"Yeah, this is the place. I wonder if he remembers me," Craig replied.

The door to the building opened, and a small man came out. He took one look at Craig and he panicked.

"Hiya, Izan!" Craig said. The guy backed away, and he ran back inside the building, locking the door behind him. "Hey, you cheeky buggar!" Craig yelled at the door.

AAaww guy must've mistaken him for James. Easy mistake to make, these humans all look alike.

I'm still waiting for an explanation here but hey, I think we're completely out of original territory here so I shouldn't expect anything.

Jessie steals James' chance for an off screen shooting by magicking the door open. Don't worry, it's not over yet

"Whatever you want, I don't care. Forget it, human. I'm not getting shot in the arse again, it's my second most sensitive area," Izan rambled on. The group just watched him as he rambled on and picking stuff up.

"What happened?" Lena asked.

Craig was about to answer, but Izan answered for him. "It was just the other day. We were just out and about, he wanted to save three girls from this gun man. I got shot, he got off scots free."

Yeah erm, that explains nothing. How long have Voyager and Enterprise been in orbit of Abatua? Well at least that's a Craig like thing to do, he's desperate.

Lena has to be jealous for a copied line. This whole shot in the arse gag can't use James/Rick as the instigator, with Jessie/Eevie commenting on the "belly dancer girl", so I'm assuming this is why Lena's in this plot at all. Yeah? Did I get it?

ANYWAY James tries to barter with the hole in the arse guy, but Jessie has her black contacts in again. He agrees with no hesitation. What's the problem, she doesn't use guns.

"Oh the gate of Abatua, yeah I do. But I wouldn't advice going there, if you go into that surrounding oasis you'll never come back out," Izan replied.

Ok correction: Iinan and company tried to retrieve a bracelet that'll leave hints as to how to get to a gate everyone used to use apparently, which sits in a dangerous oasis btw, but some random guy on the street knows where it is.


And I stand corrected again, this wasn't my favourite scene, the next one is with the best line ever after the bobbles fight in Hunters

"It's a fucking balloon," James replied.

"Yeah, of course it is," Izan said.

The original line is of course minus the F word. You know why it's there. We're in a movie ffs.

Anyway James really isn't impressed

"Turn around," James said.

"What for?" Izan asked.

"I'm going to shoot you in the ass," James replied and he pulled out a small gun.

Oh I see, turn around is new. I see what you're doing there.

Izan panicked, and he held is hands up. "Woah woah, big guy. The balloon's fast, and quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people. Just spare me."

Tom sniggered. "Big guy?"

"Do you want to get shot?" James asked.

Oh making fun of James for being "short", that should be a counter. Nah can't be shot in the arsed.

"They say that the army would return one day to conquer the universe with the gates," Arden was saying.

"One question. Where did you read this stuff?" Craig asked.

The script, duh, where you been Craig?

No there's no answer, Lena goes off topic

"Oh so they didn't go 'my hero', that kinda crap," Lena said.

"If they did there was probably something wrong with them," Tom sniggered.

Agreed, since Izan was the one that did the work, we assume

Tom smiled jokingly. He turned to Arden. "So, er, how come Jessie's all black eyed?"

"Cos she's a witch," Faye muttered from the side of the balloon. Lena, Tom and Craig stared at her oddly.

Funny story, she's black eyed because Marill watched the UK premiere of the Buffy season six finale trilogy. She thought that looks kinda cool, I'm taking it. Before this I assume (no I can't remember) there weren't any visual side effects of what's happening with her.

"It is correct. She has the power now, she's just not aware of it. Witches are never born with the power, it comes in time," Faye said.

Yeah um. What I said in Part 2 about this not being retconned later, yeah ^ It's simply an overwhelming amount of power at once that causes it.

Of course the trigger hasn't been mentioned yet. Hopefully...

"Black eyes usually represent evil," Faye replied.

Lena, Craig and Tom glanced at each other. "Then shouldn't Annika and Juna, the evil sisters, have the black eyes instead of Jessie," Craig asked.

"You don't believe me, do you. I don't care," Faye said, and she turned away.

Lol Craig, they're not evil, just mad.

"Next question, what's up with her?" Tom asked.

"Don't know, but she isn't the Faye we know," Craig replied.

She's also very uncharacteristically crabby. Kinda like someone else in this. hmm

Speaking of crabby

"Yeah. If that guy wasn't flying this piece of crap, I'd shoot him," James said.

"No you wouldn't, knowing you you'd just hit him," Jessie said.

I think you meant "stab" him, that's more James's thing

"Yeah, I guess I would normally. Just right now I'm ready to kill someone," James said.

Jessie smiled and she placed her hand on top of his. "Just don't try to kill me, cos I'm in the mood to fight back."

James laughed slightly and he put his arm around her. "Yes ma'am."

er... is this meant to be cute?          it is foreshadowing though

oookay, moving on.

Meanwhile the thugs are red shirted by Iinan. If this train has a mirror onboard, this film solves itself.

Duncan meanwhile why's the Lartinan dude into nearly kniving a baby. So funny.

Tanaia opened the door and she stepped inside the room. She stepped over the three bodies and she came face to face with a fully regenerated Iinan. She bowed at him, but he stopped her by placing his hand underneath her chin. She looked back up at him.

I'm surprised she didn't walk in, swoon and pass out. 

More Mummy Returns as Duncan the baby pretends to go to the toilet in order to escape the train. It works but Iinan's now fully regenerated and looking very James like, so...

He then saw someone coming towards him. He panicked and he stood up. Iinan came up in front of him which made Duncan calm down.

"Dad? How come you're here?" he asked nervously.

Iinan laughed quietly, he beckoned Duncan over to him. Duncan lost control of himself and he found himself going closer to Iinan. "Your father's not here boy, you've seen the last of him."

Yeaaah, Duncan calms down but still asks nervously. Which is it?

Jessie was still at the front of the balloon, she felt a strange wind blowing passed her. A voice was being carried through it, the voice was familiar. She looked around the balloon, Arden was talking to James and Craig. Lena and Tom were by the side of the balloon. Her eyes then focused on Faye.

Faye turned around, as she did so she turned into somebody else. "What are you looking at?"

"Unu?" Jessie muttered

dun dun dun

"For one thing Lena's stronger than I am, yet you're saying she's only a Natural one and I'm a Chosen," James said.

Hey guys, quick quiz. Has Lena done anything that would make her seem stronger than James? Has it only been mentioned verbally by probably Lena herself, or James, or anyone wanting to put him down. I'll wait.

"If you don't accept the truth then you won't be able to live to your expectations," Arden said.

Jessie felt the wind again, she also heard the voice again. This time she understood what it was saying. "It's time to remember who you are."

I see what you did there.

Meanwhile Iinan and Tanaia were kneeling next to each other. Iinan had the Book of Death in front of him. "Our love was a true love, a love that continued through all of our past lives. It will continue for incarnations to come, forever."

He leaned forward and he waved his hand in front of them both. They saw into the past. Both Tanaia and Jessie were in the flashback like they were re-living it.

Oh boy, here we go.


Before we go on, a reminder of the previous episodes of the saga:

Resurrection: Iinan and Unu cursed themselves so they'd live on even after reincarnating. Someday their incarnations would return to the planet, waking them up and the bad guys would use them to regenerate their body and soul. James and Jessie are their respective reincarnations. Iinan and Unu act all coupley. James and Jessie also hook up at the end.

Kiss of Death: The ritual Iinan/Unu performed with the same name starts to take even after the villains supposed defeat. Collecting their remains allows the Voyager crew to save JJ.

Curse: A Borg ship gets cursed by Iinan's spirit presumably wandering around loose after the above happened. Reunited again with Voyager he possesses random people, everyone but James who he actually wants to control, to do the same with Unu/Jessie. He briefly succeeds but is thwarted once again.

Oasis: Iinan's true spiritual love is now this Makia, Lena's past life. Unu and Iinan seem to be on opposing sides. She can possess at will like he could before. Him not so much, and is revived into his corpse again.

Are we caught up? No?

Yeah this wasn't done well. Makia was mentioned very briefly, blink and miss it in Resurrection. And I think in Curse when Iinan and Lena are in the same room. Apart from that it's always just been Iinan and Unu, the evil anti JJ duo. Jarring to say the least. Lets see if this flashback thing clears things up. Probably not cos the fight between Makia and Unu was in Part 1, so that leaves the recap of The Mummy's opening scene flashback.

Jessie, or rather Unu, was on a balcony opposite another building. The balcony wasn't that far above the ground. She saw Iinan on the opposite balcony, then she saw Makia coming up to him. Unu narrowed her eyes at them both, then she watched in horror as she saw them both kissing. They stopped suddenly when the sound of somebody slamming a nearby door occurred.

"The king, what should we do," Iinan was saying.

"It's ok, just go and hide," Makia said.


Iinan came up behind Unu's father. He turned around to face him. "Iinan, what are you doing here?"

Unu saw Makia pull out a knife. She leaned over the side of the balcony, "guards, my father needs you now!" she yelled. The guards outside of the building rushed inside but it was too late. Makia plunged the knife into her father's back.

Iinan also pulled out a knife, and he also stabbed him. Unu watched the pair stab her father countless times. She screamed and she fell over the balcony.

Yeah, this explains zilch.

Everyone in the balloon heard Jessie scream, they saw her go over the side of the balloon. James, Lena and Tom were the first to react. They rushed over and caught her by the legs just in time.

Again, Rick does this alone. A regular ass man catches a woman already falling and brings her up. James can't cos he's... *shrug* I dunno anymore man.

"No, I'm not going to leave you!" Iinan yelled. His followers quickly arrived on the scene and they dragged him away. "Makia!" he yelled.

"Iinan!" Makia screamed as the guards arrived. She turned to them. "He is no longer in his way, and neither am I," she said, and she stabbed herself with her own knife.

Why er... what? How is Makia in the way of I assume Iinan's need for power?

But who cares about that, this act allows Makia to possess her reincarnation, Lena-Twin. Finally I can stop calling her that. Yes this happens in the movie and made no sense to me then, but I managed to top this confusing mess with the twin garbage, so I'm winning yey

"They're memories, I saw Makia and Iinan killing Unu's father. Unu fell over the balcony in shock," Jessie muttered.

"But I thought Unu lived after that, she fell for Iinan. That seems strange since he killed her father," Lena said.

Yeah, that!

"He was into witchcraft, the stories say she was brainwashed so he could use her to gain control of both planets. After all she was going to be the queen after her father died," Arden said.

Ok we're painfully and slowly getting there

"I believe there is more to the hallucinations. You originally thought that the hallucinations were just trying to tell her that the key was in danger. But maybe they're telling her something else,"Arden said.

"What else could they be telling her?" James asked.

"I know exactly what, it's exactly what I've been telling you. It all adds up," Arden replied.

Um, that Thairo is off limit to aliens, to be gone from the cursed city at midnight, uh that a certain gun is your favourite, bruises are neat, not how you managed to get to Abatua which is thousands of lightyears away from where you were?

"James is a Chosen Slayer, you are the protector of the gate key, and your son holds the key to the gate. Three sides to the pyramid," Arden said.

Yeah, so????????

"What's the Slayer part got to do with it?" James asked.

"Jessie can't protect the key on her own," Arden replied.


still doesn't explain why their kid had to have the key.

"The witch stuff doesn't fit into the pyramid theory. Jessie probably has witch powers because Unu was involved in witchcraft. Iinan was too, but men can't naturally be witches. All of this was planned thousands of years ago," Arden said.

It was your own stupid theory you ninny!

And what, there's such thing as warlocks or wizards right?

"Oh I'm not sure if this all fits, but it was all planned thousands of years ago for sure, I'm so smart!" Yeah sure Jan. This guy is talking garbage

The balloon landed outside the temple thing. The train was still there but the place was deserted.

"Jess, are you sure this is the right place?" James asked.

"Not now, I had a feeling that Duncan had been here," Jessie replied.

"Hmm, you have to remember your witch senses will not have fully developed. We'll split up anyway," Arden said.

???? I don't even know where to start.

"I have no idea, I just saw Duncan at this valley, then it went back to normal," Jessie muttered.

"Does that mean he's there already, or he's nearly there?" Craig asked.

Oh wait, I do. You know where the gate is, the bad guys didn't. The bad guys had a head start already, but you have that advantage. Take it, why are you here!

Iinan was in the middle of small river in the valley Jessie saw. Duncan, Lartinan and Makia were at the shore. Iinan looked up and he saw the group's balloon flying not far in front of him. Duncan, Makia and Lartinan also noticed.

Lartinan turned to Duncan, he picked him up and shook him roughly. "You lead them here, didn't you.. tell me how!"

Poor Duncan, and in this version he doesn't actually do anything at all. Movie version is an expert at making sand castle directions.

Nm that, it's time for a copycat of a rehash scene. Ah sequels

The river rose around him as he did so. He pushed his hands forward, then all the water in the river went rushing after the balloon as a huge wave.

The group on the balloon heard something strange. They all looked around nervously to see what it was. Izan turned around, and he saw the wave coming towards them.

Faye/Unu is meanwhile sick of this copycat nonsense.

Faye held onto the side watching the wave calmly. "So Iinan, trying to pull another one of your tricks. Well two can play at that game." She climbed onto the edge of the balloon, yet she managed to keep her balance. She raised her own arms into the air and the wave went into the opposite direction.

It's for nothing cos suddenly Iinan's stronger than Unu, despite Arden's "men aren't naturally magically gifted" comment. I'm gonna blame not being in her own body, so I'll let that slide.

Jessie put her own hands in front of her, and the wave stopped in it's tracks. She turned to the others. "Hey, I did that," she said. Everyone sighed. Jessie dropped her hands down to her sides, when she did so the wave unfroze and it collided with the balloon.

It's almost funny. Still not.

After the f-ing balloon crashes, Faye skedaddles from the group. Remember that.

Everyone looked around, they couldn't see her anywhere. "We'll have to worry about her later," James said.

Oh James, famous last words

"So, Tom and Craig will stay here while the rest of us go down there and fight," Arden said.

What? But James can't fight, he's useless, the whole series says so

Arden went up to Craig. "Are you any good with that?"

Craig patted the rifle he had. "I wouldn't be in a security team if I wasn't."

James went over to Jessie who was sorting out her rifle. "I don't see why you're coming with us."

Jessie raised her eyebrow. "You never know when you need a witch, besides I can kick butt better than you."

"You're going to have to prove that to me one day," James said.

Jessie smiled. "You're on."

James isn't instantly murdered for this comment, wtf?

James actually said that, wtf?

Seriously the f***, what?

"If he takes after you two, he will have annoyed his captors to death," Tom said. He looked up, and he glanced at James and Jessie. They were staring at him. "Did I say that out loud?" Everyone nodded. "Damn."

Tom isn't garbaged either. Something's very wrong

James and Jessie followed Lena and Arden down the hill. Tom got out of the way so he didn't get hit. They were half way down when Jessie stopped. James stopped too, and he went up to her.

"What's up?" James asked.

I'm getting Holo Q/Power Rangers vibes from this

"Nothing, just a bit worried that's all," Jessie muttered. She continued down the hill, James followed her. She stopped again, turned around. She and James kissed. They broke away abruptly then continued down the hill.

Oh yeah that's not ominous at all


Anyway back to the Mummy Returns. Bad guys are attacked by the pygmy mummies, who are fellow expert off screeners. James watches on and takes notes.

Iinan turned to Curan. "Get the key, the boy won't survive this... if he dies with the key on it'll be destroyed!"

Weird change. They only need the bracelet since they're at their target location. Isn't that enough?

Lartinan quickly caught up with Duncan. He saw his parents, and Lena. "Mum, dad!" he screamed.

"They can't help you, let's remove that key," Lartinan said, he tried to grab Duncan's arm. Suddenly he was thrown to the ground by an invisible force. He pulled himself to his feet, then he saw James and Jessie near Duncan.

I er... invisible force could be either of them right now

It's Jessie, I don't think the off screen is that meta blatant.

Jessie picked Duncan up, then she handed him to James. "Take him, I can handle this guy."

"Jessie, I'm not.." James said.

"Go, or he'll get Duncan!" Jessie yelled.

Poor Arden/th, he's lost his only moment in the movie that isn't bulls***tery

James listens, there's too many cameras on him after all.

"Where's Jessie?" Lena asked as she threw a drone into a tree. James went up to her.

"Just take Duncan, I'm going to help her," James said.

"She is a witch, she's stronger than any other human. She'll be fine," Arden said.

I don't remember anything about witches being physically strong. This is the first time it's come up. Oh and your waffle earlier about her needing help to protect the key/gate included James and his stronger than any other human Slayerness. This guy's all over the place

Jessie pushed Lartinan into a tree, and she held him up against it. Lartinan sneered, "not bad, for a witch." He pushed her to the ground. He went up to her, she kicked him in the leg which made him stumble. She climbed back onto her feet, she hit him in the face, then she pushed him to the ground. One of the hands came up from the ground and dragged him down.

Jessie doesn't get the kill? Disappointing.

Told you, these little mummies are James-lites

Jessie backed away from the hole. A man came up behind her and aimed his gun at her. She heard a gunshot.



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