Marill Re-Reads "Halloween"

This and the following episode I haven't read in a very long time. So I'm going in completely blind. With Resurrection, True Q, Kiss of Death, heck even The Slayers, I had reason to look into them sooner and so had an inkling over what to expect. Halloween and Curse of Voyager I really, really don't. While I remember what Curse is about and the general plot for it (as well as some really weird shipping), Halloween's a wider blank. I know what it's very basically about, and that it has a sequel later in the season, that's it. Said sequel I've skimmed parts of looking for something, so even that I know better and couldn't figure out why the two are linked. So yeah Halloween should be one surprise, good or bad, we'll find out together.

I don't know what Halloween has in store, or Curse in detail either, but I know what to expect with YWF, Why oh Why, Cause & Effect, An Apple A Day and Bittersweet. So it's gonna be quite a while before I'll be able to say that again. Rest assured while 3/5 out of those have their problems, they're not really bad episodes despite one's reputation. Two I thought were good or average aren't, and you'll know which one I mean by my whining lately.

Note: As mentioned in the last two, Halloween was released on Halloween despite The Slayers Part 2 not being ready and allegedly True Q too. While I think True Q was actually online, just missing its final scene, it's possible the entire thing was missing and so the Morgan/Lena and Kiara twist wasn't known to readers of the time. Halloween I know calls Morgan Lena, and it's likely it may mention the twist. If I'm right then the sudden name change was a problem on its own. But I do know there are fourth wall references to True Q not being finished, at least there were in Bittersweet and so I expect to see some in this and the named episodes above. You know me, I will complain a lot if I see anything, whether True Q was online or not.

But anyway, lets do this. Blind read through of Halloween, lets see if it's any good.


The Doctor appeared in his office in Sickbay. He quickly checked his memory banks, it was the day he had to teach a class on biology.

He sighed, then he headed towards his desk. He picked up his mobile emitter and he placed it on his arm.

He headed out into the corridor and he walked down until he got to the next door to his right. The door opened and he stepped inside.

The room was pleasantly quiet and peaceful. The Doctor smiled. He pulled the chair at his desk out, and he collapsed into it. He sighed happily as he gently swiveled in the chair.

Silence was broken with the sound of the door opening again, and of course the loud noise that sounded like two girls chatting like nobody was around to hear them.

God damn I'm torn on this one. Kudos for trying to describe and set the scene, but some of the details in the second and third paragraph feels a little, bland and pointless. Could've skipped it I guess.

For some context, Kiara and Naomi are the 5 going on 16 year old kids, like Bryan, who will be treated as if they are teens. Though to be fair Naomi is meant to age quickly

B'Elanna, Tom & Bryan came in. B'Elanna was carrying Duncan.

"I don't see why you don't carry Duncan," B'Elanna was saying.

Oh they're dropping off Bryan at this fake teen biology lesson

"He doesn't like me, everytime I pick him up he punches me in the arm," Tom said.

"He's only a baby, Tom. He's probably just playing with you," B'Elanna said as she placed Duncan gently in the mini play area near the desks. Tom pouted as usual.

Hehheh, Tom hatred and abuse is in the genes

Danny & Ian came in carrying a baby each. They put each baby into the mini play area with Duncan.

Yeah so maybe you see the problem here. Or problems. One, sure the kids aren't being sat at a desk with a biology book plopped in front of them (though Bryan probably will and he can't know how to read yet), but it seems like Voyager's system for the kids is dump them all in one room with one person and hope for the best. Two, why is the Doctor the teacher? And don't say duh biology, explain Resurrection's opening "Exposition for Dummies" lecture.

One of the baby's hit the other baby in the arm. She started crying. Danny picked her back up.

"Kyle, what have I told you about hitting your sister?" Ian said.

The lad giggled and he started clapping his hands. Danny put the girl back into the play area.

"See ya later Doc," Danny said, she and Ian walked out.

Gee I wonder why this kid is so disobediant and violent. Hmm, can't be poor parenting, that's unpossible

fyi, these twins will be roughly 3 months old. Even Duncan had to be at least 3 before he could punch walls, and well his parents are the punch masters so you'd think he'd be quicker about it. I know, FV kids are unrealistic but it seemed to me like there was some progress on that front with Duncan... until he started walking around with pokemon in Slayers.

Kyle hit Duncan in the arm. Duncan growled slightly and he pushed Kyle. Kyle started crying.

It's never too early and don't give me wah he's older picking on a baby, it's only 3 months and Duncan was meant to have been born 2 months early, so can't see there being much diference between the 2. Barring notspoilers cos of Precise Timings of course

I do wonder what growled slightly is. And a nice little note. The word used for Kyle is hit, while Duncan's is push.

"Duncan! Bad boy!" B'Elanna snapped. Duncan smiled at her and he started playing with some red blocks.

I'm sure James will be very proud, no sarcasm

"Yeah, see you later Bryan, Duncan," B'Elanna said. She and Tom walked out, passing Lena.

*resists WHO joke because of True Q's missing ending with all my might*

Lena dumped her bag onto a desk, and she pulled out an angel ring. She placed it on her head.

"I'm an angel, so I need an angel ring," she replied.


Kiara, Bryan & Naomi burst out laughing. Lena tried to ignore them, but she got angry when they got louder.

"I am an angel!" she yelled.

I have no idea what's happening. If anyone should be saying this, it should be Emma and that's only cos apart from the getting mad about it part, this is pretty much something we joke about

"I have never bad mouthed people," Lena muttered.

"Yes you have," Kiara said.

"Shut up, you piece of life wrecking slime!" Lena yelled.

Okay, Bittersweet technically started this, but I'm gonna be redoing it and whatnot, and it's a long way to go yet.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 1

Lena, pick on someone your own age," the Doctor said.

"Ok," Lena said and she slapped Bryan in the face.

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 2

Welp, Bryan is younger than Kiara. good show

"I'm only one," he moaned.

"You look seventeen, so shut up," Lena said.

Hey, remember that little rant earlier in the season where I whined about not liking Super Sue Morgan? I said something like I don't like Morgan but I do like Lena. I feel like I need to retract that statement and reclarify

I really hate that I made Morgan into a Super Sue, it ruins what I was trying to do and makes anyone less sympathetic to Lena in the far future. As for Lena, I only like her after the upgrade from Super Sue to Super Bitch faded. I have no idea when this happens.

And yeah I know, True Q gave her a massive reason to be bitter. Her life's pretty much fake, she has no memories of her childhood etc... And this is where I get a bit annoyed, the last scene showed Morgan/Lena being a bit more hopeful and deciding to change for the better to help her with the trauma. Why annoyed? The scene was written after Halloween up to An Apple A Day, where most of her crappy behaviour is. It's really really wrong. I can't blame my usual changing my mind or writing what suits for this, when the next few eps are right there already.

Lena is clearly lashing out, and being a bit weird with the angel comment, but no sign of her starting afresh... at least in a good way

"I don't see why I have to come. I'm seventeen for god's sake," Lena muttered.

"Lena, American students in the 21st century were in school at seventeen," the Doctor said.

"Well, I'm British," Lena said.

Oh she turned 17 in between episodes. And oh, Lena thinks because her friends are English that she is as well. how "cute"

Kiara makes a fourth wall actress comment which we're meant to laugh at but it only looks racist like James yeah right comment in Love Spell

"Doc, can I smash her head against the wall?" Lena asked.

*has flashbacks to Bittersweet* ohgods

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 3


"Can I storm out too, Doccy? I still haven't finished these questions?" Kiara asked.

Show of hands, who is on Kiara's side?

Okay okay, who is on Lena's *crickets chirp*

I know what I was trying to do, have Lena be acting out a lot, blaming Kiara because of the events of True Q but the other point is to still have readers sympathise with her. This is not even close to how you do this. utter and complete failure.

Tom and Harry were standing on a holographic stage in the VTV Live Studio program. They both had a microphone each.

"As you all know it is Halloween Weekend, s


I should've known this would happen, the episode's called Halloween ffs. I just assumed Bittersweet was its first performance. A good thing because disaster, a bad thing cos I now gotta re-read this and erm... any Aqua related things re-opens a backstabbing injury I'd rather not get into. Doesn't help that Halloween was my favourite of theirs and for a time was my favourite song of all time, topping Upendi. Bittersweet soon came (yey), then years later I got a couple more to replace Halloween permanently. It's just a shame to give up a song I really like because I have 0 respect for the artist.

Yeah one day I'll explain why I've gone from crazy Aqua fangirl to wishing they'd flop hard, and removing their faces from this site, but for now lets attempt to reread Halloween as a song performance by Pokeball/Virus and that is all.

Fireworks were set off on both side of the stage, and flames briefly lit up the stage. Disco lights lit up the stage as PokéBall appeared on the stage in Halloween outfits. Music started blasting throughout the entire studio.

Um, what kind of Halloween outfits?? Literally could be anything, sheesh

Lena sang. She was wearing all black, but she had her angel ring on her head again. Her top also had angel written on it, in glittery writing.

That's... not really a halloween outfit. What's scary about that

Craig came up to Lena's side, he was dressed in all black leather and he had vampire fangs in.

Okay at least Craig's doing it right... but enough of this came up to malarky. It's so weird. It's the "said questioningly" and "muttered", likely replacing "walked".

The flames lit up the stage again as the chorus started. James and Jessie joined Craig and Lena. Jessie was dressed all in red, and she had devil horns on her head. James was all in red too, but he had a Scream mask on. He pushed it onto the top of his head.

Of course James is a serial killer. He does realise you're meant to be your opposite on halloween right? pfttnotfunny

At the end of the song Craig stood behind Lena, and James stood behind Jessie. Craig pretended to bite Lena's neck, James pulled out a plastic knife and pretended to stab Jessie. Both girls screamed and they fell to the ground. Fireworks were set off again, and the flames came up again.

I didn't skip the song, that's literally after the previous quote. phew, what relief

And EEEW Craig, pretending to go for Lena's neck. Rehearsed or not, so wrong, I don't care if she's 17 now, pleasedon't.

James stabbing Jessie is a bit weird too, and that's a sentence I never thought I'd type

"What did you think folks! Were you all glad that James and Craig didn't sing much," Tom said loud enough for everybody to hear.

"Hey, don't mess with me, I have a knife," James said.

Kill Count on standby

Wait, why is James carrying a real knife for his pretend stabbing. Someone best check on Jessie

"Oh, like Tom's going to be scared of a plastic knife, and a guy dressed up like a vampire," Harry said. Tom walked over to Craig and James. Tom then took the mask off James' head.

Oh s$$$, I was joking about the kill count. I best get it copied

Don't do this to anyone, but sheesh, rudely snatching a mask from James' face? Death wish Tom here.

"You know, weren't you suppose to wear this on your face. It would of saved us from nightmares, I know it's Halloween but this is ridiculous," Tom said.

Ack, suppose and no question mark really confused me for a second. goodgod

and ps Tom, if you want to die, I recommend the painless way of jumping into an airlock. This isn't going to end well

 "Tom, what's it like hosting the show?" James asked.

"Fun, why do you ask," Tom replied. James stole Tom's microphone, and he punched him in the face. As usual Tom went unconscious.

"Because it looks like I'm taking over for tonight," James said. Harry groaned.


Didn't see the taking over part coming

I'm starting to think I need to start minusing points when James does this s$$$ on screen, like the Jessie Sins. But nah, I wanna keep count. Jessie's meant to be working on making up for that Timeless Muse karma. Maybe another count, an opposition for the Badasses Off Screen. Would be interesting to see which one wins. I'll think about it.

"But Tom's better than you," Harry said.

"Does any of you want to replace Harry?" James asked.

"I wanna host the show again," Lena said.

"I take it back," Harry stuttered.


I'm gonna blame the Slayers Part 2 for regressing James' character, DON'T REMIND ME IT WAS WRITTEN AFTER HALLOWEEN, THAT'S WHY DUH, I'M ALLERGIC TO LOGIC AND COMMON SENSE

"You gotta love that guy," Tani said as she drooled over the TV, or so it looked.

UGH, get a new tune 

"Actually Craig's kinda cute," a strange girl said. Everyone turned to look her way, she visibly cringed. "I was only joking," she stuttered.

um ouch, the narration even calls her strange girl. howrude

Kiara, Bryan and Naomi walked in. Naomi had dressed up like a witch, Kiara had dressed up in a Starfleet uniform with Captain's pips, plus she had an auburn wig on, and Bryan had dressed up like a ghost.

aaw to Kiara's costume, too bad saying aaw to her now is weird since she looks 15. :( still acts like a 4/5 year old though

"Aren't you a little old for trick or treat?" Tani asked.

"So, you are too, and that didn't stop you," Kiara replied


I'm so glad cheeky/naughty Kiara still exists, ha, it's been too long

 "I'm four," Kiara said.

"Yeah, and I'm nearly one," Bryan said.

"And I'm six," Naomi said.

"Yeah but you all look like teenagers," Neelix said.

"Trick or treat!" Naomi yelled.

Okay I'd be on your side normally, but Naomi 6 year old K'Tarians are pretty much pre-teens, at least judging by Voyager itself.

Still though, let them trick or treat you nofunalloweders

"What about Danny's kids?" Bryan asked.

"They're only guest stars," Neelix replied.

"So's Duncan," Kiara said.

"He won't be when the writers find more than one picture of his actor," Neelix said.


has Mummy Returns not come out yet???

"Thank you Harry. As usual we have more rumours than news I'm afraid. Firstly one rumour has it that Clive aka Evil C is going out with Emma, lets speak to Clive first. Over to you Morgan... oh sorry Lena," B'Elanna said.

The screen changes to show the Mess Hall. Everyone but Emma and Evil C are laughing their heads off. Lena is too busy facing away from the screen, to watch the TV.

"Hey cool, I can see myself," Lena said.

lol, ok I can stomach this Lena. More of this please

and whut Marill, pairing up real people again. wtf is wrong with you. yes I know it's a Tom rumour but jesus

"Hey cool, I can see myself," Lena said. She looked back at the screen. "Er, thanks B'Elanna. Supposedly Tom started that rumour, so it's no rumour that Tom is going to get a chain-saw hacking any minute," Lena said. Emma stared at her funny.

"Chain-saw??" she said in a small squeaky voice and she ran out of the room with an evil grin on her face.

Yeah, you didn't do that on purpose at all, did you Lena. snicker

"What? Oh to hell with it. Is the rumour B'Elanna mentioned true?" Lena asked.

"No, not exactly. In an earlier ep we went to the holodeck to chain-saw Damien and some rabbits," Evil C said.

Jessie: Can I get a dvd of that?

Harry: ME TOO

"Cool program, excuse me," Lena said and she rushed out. The screen changed back to B'Elanna.

"Er, thank you Lena. Rumour Number Two, well this one isn't new but Tani has given us more information about it. Everybody knows about the Lena fancying James rumour, so lets go and speak with Captain Janeway about it. Over to you, er whoever replaced Tom," B'Elanna said.



The screen changed to show James & Kathryn in the Ready Room.

"What, that sick rumour's still going around!" James snapped and he pouted. Kathryn just stood with her hands on her hips while glaring at him evily.

James Dies Count: 1 ... jk

I'm wondering about what this new information is, while hoping it isn't the gross he's Kiara's dad rumour *Gag*

"You better not go near my daughter," Kathryn growled.

"No probs, I'm not Craig," James muttered.


In: "B'Elanna here, would you please ask her the questions I wrote?"

Just noticed, why is B'Elanna going along with this?

"Oh fine. Do you think this rumour is.. true.... ugh, that's a stupid question," James said.

"Of course not, my daughter has taste," Kathryn growled.


I'd garbage this but the James hate is getting a bit nasty these days. I totally would though if James actually had done something wrong. Janeway though knows the rumours about a one sided crush on him (she knows the Kiara one's not true), and so he's the innocent party. rudeness

spoilers; I dunno if this is foreshadowing or not, because that remark was pretty tasteless if it were. If not, still gotta explain the blaming him for this and not reacting to the craig remark.

"So ends that interview," James muttered and he stormed out.

Wow, she actually hurt S2 James' feelings with that? colour me actually shocked. S1 James would've pouted and folded his arms, maybe depending on what ep it was. S2 James is more self critical though meh

In: "Tani to Janeway. If she has taste then why did she go out with Craig?"

"Tani! Is this true!" Kathryn screeched.

In: "Yeah, and how dare you insult James!"

ok nm, Craig does bother her too

"Ok, that one didn't go well, did it? Ok, Rumour Number Three, I think everybody knows about this one, people think that Harry fancies Emma. Lets go speak with Emma," B'Elanna said.

The screen changes again to Emma's quarters. Emma is in a trance as she looks upon the TV. Craig walks up to her.

"So, what do you think?" Craig asked. Emma didn't reply, she was in a world of her own.

aaw bless

 "So, er, is this true?" Jessie managed to say just before bursting out laughing again.

"No, of course not," Harry muttered, and he pouted.

"I think it is," Jessie said in a teasing voice.

oy Jess, you don't like this done to you. some consistency instead of hypocrisy would be lovely

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

"Oh yeah? What was that other rumour about, you know the one about you fancying James," Harry said. Jessie stared at him angrily, and she blocked the camera view with her hand.

"Don't watch this, don't listen to him!" she yelled. Everyone hears a banging noise, and another sound that sounds like somebody falling onto the floor. The screen changes back to B'Elanna.

No garbage or -sin, you deserved that one Jess

"There you have it, yet another rumour. Spread it around. Okay, that's all for VTV Live, we hope you'll all be coming to the Halloween party on the Holodeck tomorrow night. Bye," B'Elanna said.


"Captain, we've entered orbit over Huirnej," Tom said, he had a black eye still from last night.

Um, Jenriuh... ok so not backwards. JenHuir. No. I don't do anagrams. Random letters?

Doesn't matter because 2 lines later

"Captain the Huirne's are hailing us," Harry said.


The viewscreen changed to show a dark red skinned man, with yellow eyes, and black hair.


"Our crew is in need of shoreleave, and we need some food supplies. May we beam down and visit your marketplace?" Chakotay asked.

"Our Markets are open to all visitors, and your crew may stay here for as long as they wish," Turit said.

"This seems too good to be true, I wonder what the catch is," Tom whispered.

I got an awayteam f$$$s up for £20

"You need not worry about our shapeshifting ability, Captain, it is against our laws to shapeshift. Our shapeshifting abilities have been responsible for many crimes on our world," Turit said.


forget what I said above


butlol, this is so FV's version of that telepathic murderer episode. So someone's gonna bump into B'Elanna/Lena, shapeshift into her by "accident", she'll get the blame for um, thinking about shapeshifting or angels, and Tuvok/James will uncover a criminal gang that profits off shapeshifting.

Don't need to read it now

Emma, Lilly, Harry, Tom & Triah entered the busiest part of the market. Not far away was a back alley. Little did the five know, a man was watching them from there.

Oh ok, it'll probably be Emma that'll be bumped into. This plot needs someone with a violent imagination... oh wait Harry's there. OH GOD, GORRY SHAPESHIFTERS

A woman walked up to Lilly. "Hello young lady, could I ask assistance of you?" she asked softly.

"Depends, what is it?" Lilly asked.

"My husband, he's in need of medical care, and there's no Doctor around," the woman replied.

Um wtf, nothing is normal about this, even for FV

"I could help him," Tom said.

"Yeah, lets go," Harry said. He, Tom, Lilly & Triah followed the woman, Triah dragged Emma with her.

Just why is Tom and Harry in a team with Lilly, Triah and Emma? I won't ask why the last 3, except maybe Triah, are in a team at all, this is still old school fv sending kids on missions

The five away team members followed the woman to the start of a back alley.

"Why are we going in here?" Tom asked.


"He was here just a minute ago, he mustn't be far. Please just wait here," the woman said and she walked away.

"This is a little suspicious," Triah muttered.

NO S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$444

Everyone heard the sound of footsteps coming up behind them. They all turned to see who it was. A man, just a little older than the woman they met, was walking towards them. He walked straight past them and he walked up to the wall. He turned back around to face them.

"Where is she?" he asked them roughly.

um whut

"My wife, she said she'd be back," the man replied.

"Are you the sick husband?" Triah asked.

"So she's told you, I take it you're here to help me," the man replied.

Sick, yeah I suppose he is

"You don't look ill," Lilly said.

"That's because I'm not," the man said.

"Then we should go," Tom said. They all turned around and headed out. The woman was in front of them.

"Please don't leave, my husband needs you," she said. She walked up to the man.

This has gotta be the weirdest scam I've ever seen

The woman glanced at the man briefly. "But you were ill before," the woman said.

"Don't worry about me," the man said in an unusually threatening voice. Suddenly the woman screamed and she fell to the ground. The away team saw blood coming from her back, and that the man had a bloody knife in his hands.

Everyone: o_0


Everyone, even Emma: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

He looked at the members of the away team evilly. He clicked his fingers and a strange shield surrounded Tom, Harry, Triah & Emma. Somehow it didn't get around Lilly.

Phew, Lilly was protected by the SueConvenience shield. I was worried Lena may have stolen it

"She was really starting to get on my nerves," the man said. He closed his eyes, and he started to glow. In a matter of seconds he had shapeshifted to look like Lilly. The next thing she knew she was lying unconscious on the ground, with the shapeshifter standing above her.

He wiped the blood on the knife, onto Lilly's hands and face, he then put the knife into her right hand.

Yeah um, this guy is more than a bloody shapeshifter.

AND LOL "next thing she knew she was lying unconscious" WTF HAHAHAHA

The shapeshifter then kneeled down next to the woman and he continued to stab her with the knife, in front of the other's eyes. 


Tom: I worry about you

He finally stopped and he stood back up. He looked at the woman evilly. The woman had been stabbed horrifically, blood was covering every bit of her skin, and her blood shot eyes were still open like she was staring right at him.


"Somebody help!" the man yelled as he changed back to his normal form.

Everyone heard more footsteps, and they quickly turned around. A few people were rushing towards them. They stopped suddenly when they saw the woman's dead body.

"I saw that girl, she killed my wife," the man said. Everyone gasped in shock.

I think you forgot something dude, the shield is a bit of a clue. and Lilly being unconscious

"I heard a scream, so I went to find out what was going on. And I find that girl stabbing my wife. I knocked her unconscious to stop her but it was too late," the man replied.

Okay fine the Lilly bit's fine but the awayteam are still in a forcefield

"And then these lot came, and attacked me. I put them behind a shield to stop them," the man said.


still *skims ahead a tad* he blinked his eyes to summon this shield and can ko someone with his thoughts. I assume this'll be explained later, right??????

"And more of your away team were said to have attacked the victim's husband not longer after the murder," J'Hal said.

"This cannot be possible. Lilly isn't a murderer, Tom, Harry, Triah or even Emma wouldn't even attack somebody," Kathryn said.

Tuvok: I'm sure if we look deep enough, we'll find that it was really James. It's always him

Chakotay: But James would never kill anyone ever, he's a sweet perfect ang...


"She has been sentenced according to our laws," J'Hal said.

"What's her punishment?" Kathryn asked.

"Murder is a serious offense. She will be sentenced to death tonight, she will be burned alive," J'Hal said.

Annika already did this, it was hilarious, so at least she won't be threatened. Ha, I forgot she's in a mental hospital holoprogram. Wondered where she was for a sec there

"He is the victim's husband. Why would he lie?" J'Hal asked.

"I don't know. But even if Lilly did do it, what was the motive? Lilly's not the kind of person that could kill," Kathryn replied.

JAMES IS NOT A KILLLL... oh sorry, again wrong episode

"I don't mean to say it, Kathryn, but we never thought James could kill someone, and he did," Chakotay said quietly.


"He's a guy, they're all unpredictable," Kathryn said and she folded her arms.

Sexist Crap Count: 1

"There's always a reasonable explanation when something like this happens in a story called Halloween," Kathryn said.

"Captain, I think I know what you're suggesting. I doubt mummy's, vampires or ghosts were responsible," Tuvok said. Chakotay laughed slightly.

"We've had all those already Mr Tuvok, so why not?" Kathryn asked.

Craig doesn't count as a vampire, Janeway *yeahyeah prequel spoilers lol*

"Kathryn, I think you've had enough of that coffee," Chakotay said. He tried to take the coffee mug away but Kathryn glared at him in such a way he backed off.


"I cannot continue with the investigation, Captain, once we've already sentenced her," J'Hal said.

"But... " Kathryn muttered.

"I'm sorry Captain, we will not break our own laws," J'Hal said.

Yeah er, your laws suck. A trial would be nice before you burn her at the stake

"This is the second time this season I've been in a prison. It's getting rather dull now," Emma muttered. She, Tom, Harry and Triah were sitting either on the ground or on the bottom half of the bunk beds.

Bet Jessie's glad she declined this team

"There's got to be a way to escape," Tom muttered as he looked around. He spotted a window, the bars on it were broken so a person could climb out of it. Tom stood up and he rushed over to it. The others followed him.

"This is a little too easy," Harry muttered.

oh come on, this is blatantly a trap

"It's a sin in our religion to escape from jail, even if you are innocent," he said.

"We're not into your religion," Triah said.

"Fine, you be sinners," the man said as he pointed at them.

"Er... tell me, what did they put you in here for?" Tom asked.

"I was framed, framed I tell ya! I'm not a sinner, but you be if you escape!" the man rambled. Tom climbed up onto the window sill, and he climbed out of the hole in between the bars. The others followed him. "Sinners, I be warned you," the man said.


"I don't know. It's too risky for all of us to go and look for her, so only two of us will go, the other two will find a temporary hiding place," Tom replied.

"I volunteer to look for her," Harry said.

"No chain-saws or knives, no rescue," Emma muttered.

Uh Emma, isn't Lilly your friend? she's at least your captain. I hope she's only saying "I can't rescue, need weapons to do that" instead of asking for a bribe

Part II

Tom and Harry were watching guards from around a corner.

Yeah um, why are the Parts still here? I deleted these years ago

Though then again, it used to be "end of part 1", a divider, then "part 2". This is Halloween trying to be different so it can keep its special label (fat chance of that now Halloween)

"Just like us they can't stand horrible and/or high pitched noises," Tom whispered.

Erm, whut? Why would it only be the guards of this species, if not, why phrase it like this? AND WHUT

Tom quietly pulled out his small mini disk player thing. He took out a tape, Harry snatched it off him and he tried not to laugh.

Erm excuse me, does the thing play mini disk or tapes? MAKE YOUR MIND UP. EITHER WAY DATED AS F#$$$$

(I'm gonna go with tape cos I only have ever had 1 mini cd, not a disk)

"I didn't know you liked Disney songs," Harry whispered. Tom snatched it back. "You know, some songs would be perfect for that plan of yours," Harry whispered.

Um this is FV, everyone likes Disney, Steps, the A people and Pokemon soundtracks. I'm glad I started to calm down with this when Girls Aloud came about. Though that was 2002, it's not far off o_0. My point is there are no "bad songs", not yet.

"Do you remember Craig's birthday party. In a cut scene Janeway sang an old Kylie Minogue song," Tom whispered.

Kylie did a Disney song?

"Hey, Disney songs are great. Besides I've got the perfect tape to make their ear drums burst," Tom whispered and he put another tape in.

Too bad/good this is before Justin Timberlake went solo and two years before f$$$$ Dilemma, or they would've been my only guesses with this high pitched and awful clue. I can't think which Kylie track this is.

The minidisk kicked into action. The chorus of Can't Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie started

Oh so it is a minidisk. I've never used these, why am I making my character use them? I mean oh THAT SONG.

This song is high pitched?

The guards blocked their ears and fell onto the floor in agony. Kathryn's voice came up on the minidisk. "Ooo, I love this song! I can't... get you... out of.... my head!" The guards scream in even more agonised pain. "Laa laa laa laa (etc)!" Nearly all the windows in the vicinity break. "I can't... get you... out of.... my head!" The guard's eardrums burst and they scream like sissy girls.

OH, it's a recording of Janeway singing it. Missed that part.

What's up with the tense keep changing to present?

"Aagh, I can't get this song out of my head!" the guard said like Kylie sings the song. He realises this and he screams again.

"AAAAGGGHHHH! This song is destroying me, now I can't remember where I live!" the second guard yelled.

lol, I'm speaking from experience here clearly

oh Marill, you don't know what true music torture is yet. Save this lol joke for Rock Your Body and Umbrella eh eh ehe eh *Janice laugh*

"Oh crap, where do you get this single from! I hate it but I want it!" the third guard yelled.

On a minidisk apparently *shrug* did those ever take off? I only remember the tape/cd and cd/mp3 transitions BOO CDS AND MP3S CAN COEXIST, SO PFFT I LIKE BOTH

"When's my birthday? Where are we? Why is the sky blue? Why is my skin red? What are these things attached to my shoulders?" the second guard screamed.

Okay the where I live joke was funny, now you're dragging it out

"Yeah, quite a lot of people had the same reaction when the song was first released. Scary thing is, some people loved it," Tom said as he picked up his minidisk.

Hmm yeah, if I remember I'm so going to call this out in Half of the Heart's re-read. That totally ripped this off, and did it better in both old and reboot.

Five minutes later, outside the prison:

Harry, Tom & Lilly arrived at Emma & Triah's hiding place, a broken down shed in the middle of nowhere.

I still dunno why I was so specific on when thing's happen. Does it really matter that it was 5 minutes later. And a broken down shed? Hey you kids, get off my 2001 lawn (and bring me back that shed, I need it).

"That must of been Tom's minidisk. He played a Kylie song that Janeway sang and the guards went crazy," Harry replied


"Hey, this is bad. First I get accused of murder, next the police are putting this weird needle into my head, next I'm being sentenced to death, then I get rescued by two idiots who deafened me with Janeway singing Kylie songs," Lilly said.

"It's better than the death sentence. You get burned until you becomes ash," Tom said. Lilly shuddered.

"A fate worse than death. I couldn't stand the thought of becoming Ash Ketchum," Lilly said. Emma whispered something in her ear. "Oh, turned into ash as in burnt dust. Hmm...... I'D RATHER HAVE THAT THAN HAVING THAT KYLIE SONG SCAR ME FOR LIFE!" Lilly yelled.

Oh, there's my reading a forced joke that no one finds funny headache.

Anyway moving on since I was bored of Halloween during the second scene. Lilly's shouting FOR SOME REASON gets the attention of seven aliens. But gasp, they're not evil. They're there to help since they also fell for the help my boyfriend, he needs suckers to frame for my murder. Who wouldn't?

"We are the Seven Sinners, I'm T'Lia," one girl replied.


"Hey, you look like those guys from S Club 7," Emma said. The Seven Sinners collapsed in anime style.


Halloween: Um, hi. I'm here because I apparently have too many pop music references, and since this is FV that kinda stings to be honest. It's bulls$$$


World Domination: Hush Aggressions, I told you, we can't let you make statements like that without first telling us what dimension number Kenny is from. Then we can waste another episode with it like that was the very deep plan all along.


World Domination: *dies*

The Love Spell: Ok, I'll start then. Hi I'm The Love Spell and I'm a s$$$y episode even by Fifth Voyager's standards

Year of Hell & Muse: Hi The Love Spell


Slayers: If that is what you wish

Aggressions 2: *stabs them too*

The Atamit: *slinks in* hey guys, room for one more?

Territory & Return etc: *shoves the little Atamit out of the door*

Return of Third Voyager: Hey World Domination and Year of Hell, my bros, how's that FANFIC DIMENSIONS treating ya *notices World Domination bleeding* NOOooooooo

Territory: Shucks, do you want to needlessly make out with these guys listening in, instead of concentrating on the plot?

Return: Toss in some ripping off of another TV show and you got yourself a date

Territory/Return: (censored)

Everyone else: EEW

Halloween: Screw this, I'm not that bad *walks out, passing Timeless*

Timeless: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Marill keeps telling me I don't exist

World Domination: *evacuates bowels*


"We had to escape from jail. It is a sin in our religion," Jertella replied.

What? You probably wanted me to cut it out and continue the Re-Read right? Well more fool you

"Too help you catch this murderer. We need vengeance," T'Lia replied.

"But isn't that a sin too?" Lilly asked.

"Yeah, but we've already committed one sin, committing another won't make a difference," L'Rike replied.

James: ;)

"I don't know. He's been hunting us for years, he is one of those special gifted people on this planet who have telekinetic powers. This has always proven to be a huge problem," S'Ra said.

Okay, that still doesn't explain the forcefield and weapon summoning

"So that's how he knows. What do we do now?" Tom asked.


Knows? They said telekinetic, not pathic you dumb broad

and knows what exactly? That you'd be stupid enough to follow somebody into an alley

"Don't worry, we have a place called the Sinners Graveyard. We always go there to hide," Rerta said.

I hope that's just a private name between you guys, and not signposted or anything, otherwise this is not going to end well.

"I do not know. All we know is that some of your away team played this fowl and disruptive music to overpower the guards. They are now in our Mental Asylum," J'Hal replied.

Hey now, if I didn't get chucked into one for the wanna cut my ears off that was Umbrella or Cry Me A River, then Kylie ain't gonna be hospitalising some random guards

"I have uncovered more evidence that proves Lilly's innocence. 1) She was discovered with the knife in her right hand, according to her medical profile she is left handed because she permanently damaged her right hand in an accident ten years ago. 2) The Doctor scanned the knife. Lilly's DNA was on it, but a different kind of DNA was on it. It was Lilly's but it had a strange signature attached to it. As far as we can tell the DNA was fake," Tuvok said.

*Jessie and Lena run in*

Jessie: Hey numbered lists are my thing | Lena: Hey boring exposition is my thing

Marill: Pfft, amateurs

But anyway, lets see what deus ex Tuvok has for us.

1) Excuse me? I call bulls$$$ on that

2) DNA and shapeshifting does not work like that, so bulls$$$$ everywhere

"Yes. Shapeshifting is a serious offensive, with murder included in the offensive, the guilty party will be punished severely. If captured of course," J'Hal said.

Yeah, I'm sensing a massive flaw with that one. Can't put my finger on it

"But there is still one mystery. The victim's husband statement doesn't really make any sense. If a native used his or her's shapeshifting abilities, then he must of noticed," Kathryn said.


Everyone arrived at the depressing place. All that was there was a city that had obviously fell down in an earthquake of some sort. Corpses were lying everywhere, most had flesh hanging from their bones.

Harry: 0_0

Everyone else: Ohno

Harry: I'm home *wipes a tear from his eye*

lol an earthquake of some sort

"No, sorry. We use this place to hide because it is suppose to be cursed by spirits. None of it's true though, but people still don't like to come here," Rerta replied.

Oh I'm sure it is. Marill's pulling all the stops to make this as halloweeny as possible. Murder, idiots in alleys, graveyard, gorry bodies, a villain that commits bullS$$$, songs that wouldn't register as merely meh to Marill now being used as torture. Plenty of room for more

Suddenly Lilly screamed again, and she collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh come on, quit fooling around Lilly, the song's not that bad," Tom muttered. Harry knelt down beside Lilly. She was unconscious.

Yeah um, I was gonna mention it earlier but even the characters ignored it, so I did as well with my worst episode convention. Luckily though Lilly reminds us when she wakes up

"You know when I said that the guards put needles in my head," Lilly said questioningly. Triah, Tom and Harry nodded. "Well, for some reason I had some sort of hallucination. I saw the ritual I was forced to witness before I was locked up," Lilly replied.

Yeah everyone glossed over her getting a needle to the brain because she was too busy having a Kylie tantrum. Deserved really

"The murderer must witness the Death Ritual. Afterwards the guards put an hallucinogenic drug into your blood, this makes you witness the ritual over and over again. This is the usual torture murderers have to go through before they are executed. We still get the hallucinations," Rerta said.

Ok, first the telepathic memories episode, now Ex Post Facto. Does this episode do anything original?


"They poured some strange acid onto the woman. She decomposed in a few seconds, right in front of me," Lilly replied.

I... someone want to help me out here? I'm confused.

Lilly is forced to watch someone elses execution? Or a funeral rite and chucking acid on corpses is how they go about it? Or it's their own execution but their faces are covered so they don't know, or the woman in her vision is stock footage? Halp

"So why did she collapse?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. That has never happened to us before," L'Rike replied.

Well personally, seeing someone melt instantly in acid would ruin my day. But that's just me.

"I'm pretty sure that dead guy just moved," Emma replied as she pointed towards the corpse that had been blown in the wind.


Three of the corpses glowed, and they changed into three of the aliens. They smiled evilly as they looked towards the area the others walked to.

Heh, okay. It's a good thing no one reads these things anyway *eyes shift*

A strange wind suddenly started blowing against them. It was incredibly strong, so they both stopped to avoid getting blown in the wrong direction. In a couple of seconds it just suddenly stopped like there was never any wind in the first place.

I'm sure that's the spirit of Kylie coming to f$$$ you up for all the song insults.

Harry looked around all confused. "Can you tell me what just happened?" he asked. Triah didn't answer him, she was too busy staring at something in front of her. She slowly tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see what she was looking at. "Holy crap!" he screamed.

In front of them was one of the corpses, but it seemed very much alive. It reached out a hand towards them.

I thought they'd already shapeshifted back to normal? Oh well, still could be zombies folks

They both ran back the way they came. They screeched to a halt after a while.

"Crap, what's going on?" Triah asked.

Right in front of them was Triah's school bullies, and some of Harry's childhood doctors. They all slowly headed towards the two frightened crewmembers. They didn't waste any time in running away.

*Cause & Effect slinks in, takes notes, and runs out*

Halloween: Why do I feel like I've been mugged by a better episode?

T'Lia, Hapine, Firtuna and S'Ra came back over to the others.

"Where did you four go?" Rerta asked.

The four looked at each other briefly, and then they looked back at Rerta. "We were looking for Triah and Harry," S'Ra replied.

Oh gee, let me think whats going to happen next. I'll never figure it out

Tom looked at the four sinners, he noticed one had her right arm behind her back.

Suddenly Lilly screamed, everyone turned to see what she was screaming at. In front of them all were a group of Ligers.



"You don't understand, that's my family," Lilly stuttered.


Emma hit him in the back of the head. "You don't get it, do you? Those family members are suppose to be dead," Emma said.

Oooh I see, so maybe this is why Lanny, Leanne and another L Liger/Johnstone didn't make the FV cut. Spooky

Rerta stepped forward. "You should know better than that. Shapeshifting is illegal, I demand that you go back to your usual selves," he said forcefully.

Oh ok. The end.

 "She's having another vision," Jertella pointed out.

"That was quick, how come you guys don't get them as often as she does?" Harry asked.

We're halfway through Season Two. Do you really have to ask rhetorical questions like this?

The gang eventually reached a large building, it had no roof, and some of the walls had started to collapse.

"In here!" Rerta yelled. Everyone ran inside, Rerta pushed some rubble against the door.

"One problem, guys. Some of the walls look like they're going to collapse any second, what happens when they do?" Tom asked.

"I wouldn't worry about that, they've been like this for years," Jertella replied.

Um whut?

T'Lia, Hapine, Firtuna and S'Ra headed over to the main door after Rerta stepped away from it. They turned to face the others. Suddenly they glowed and turned into completely different aliens. Everyone stared in shock.

"Haha, fooled you," one of them laughed.

Are you f$$$$$ kidding me? When did these guys get separated from Tom and co?

Suddenly the strong wind started blowing through the entire building. Harry and Triah looked at each other nervously. "Not again," they both muttered.

The four aliens' eyes widened in horror. Everyone else slowly looked behind them. Most of them screamed.


The corpse had come back, and it was looking angrily at the four aliens behind the group. It raised it's left arm into the air and the four aliens froze on the spot. The corpse raised it's arm higher and the four started floating into the air, still unable to move. Suddenly they flew towards the roof, which wasn't there, and they went flying into the sky. "We're blasting off for the first time!" they screamed as they did so.

Halloween: On second thoughts, maybe I should go back to the worst room.

Other just ok episodes: *glares it out of the door*

"Do not fear. I am Liria, the wife of the man who's trying to kill you," the corpse said.

ohmygod I'm laughing, this is so bad

"So, who's flying the ship, and manning opps?" Kathryn asked as she looked around the Bridge. She groaned when she saw who Tom and Harry's replacements were.

"Don't give me that look, I can fly the ship perfectly well," Jessie said.

"What does this button do?" James asked from opps.

Once again I feel like I'm back in Season One.

Marill Re-Reads Season One Again, or Marill Re-Re-Reads Season One. take your pick

Just why, why is Jessie at the helm? And why does James keep misplacing his brain?

"I did, on the nightshift," James said.

"So how come you don't know what the 'Push if you want to die' button does?" Chakotay asked.

Okay, I'm no longer laughing at the dumb stuff. I'm just getting mad now.

"I knew that already, you divvy. I wanted to know what it does exactly," James said.

"What is a divvy?" Chakotay asked.

"Doesn't matter, you just proved that you are one," James replied.

ohsnap? *groan*

So, where was Halloween meant to be? I'm assuming that since The Slayers would have to be post Morgan/Lena's arrival, then it was swapped for The Voyager Conspiracy. While Halloween, with its bonus Lena intro, was swapped for Worse Case Scenario 2. Only theory that makes sense. And no, The Love Spell will always be the mould in Season Two's loaf.

Meanwhile Jessie is also feeling suicidal and asks to fly the ship or land it, prompting this exchange

"The 'Push if you want to die' button should be on standby, Ensign," Kathryn muttered.

"She's not Chakotay... thank god," James said.

"Jessie's not better than me at flying," Chakotay said angrily.

"Everyone's better than you. Even Danny's kids," James said.

"They're only babies!" Chakotay growled.

"That's my point, divvy!" James yelled.

"What the hell is a divvy!" Chakotay yelled.


If this was actually a Season Two episode, Chakotay would either be dead and/or off screened by now. Alas this is a Season One style entry so he only gets a very slight burn. Oh and poser James, f$$$ off a lot with that insult to your friends baby twins. Really, that's out of line you faker.

"Man the helm? That's totally sexist!" Jessie yelled. Kathryn rolled her eyes.

Brb, double checking I removed Halloween from the reboot list

YES, some good news at last

Lilly, Triah, Harry, Emma, Tom, & Rerta were waiting inside the large building. Suddenly they heard a large banging noise coming from the door. Rerta slowly walked forward towards the door, but it suddenly broke open taking some of the rubble with it. Everyone gasped when they saw who it was.

"Finally, I've found you, bwahahaha!"

God damn my brain is melting. Someone wake me up when it's time to re-read Curse of Voyager

Liria turned around to see Jertella and L'Rike morph into two of the aliens. She quickly pushed her hand out which froze them on the spot. She then raised her other arm slowly. As she did so the two aliens started to decompose really quickly, from foot to head. At the same time Liria was regenerating the same way they were decomposing.

Iinan/Unu: HEY MAN, WTF


Is it just me that had to scroll up to double check who is who, since there's so many alien names in this?

"Now I'm going to do to you what I did to the other Sinners I captured," Liria's husband said, and he laughed evilly. Some blast hit him in the back, and he fell onto the ground. Liria came in after he did so.

"Liria? How did..?" Harry said questioningly.

"I used two of my husbands servants to regenerate," Liria replied.

Seriously, was I getting warmed up for the next one?

Liria's husband dragged himself back onto his feet, and he faced Liria. "So even in death you still follow me," he said angrily. At that moment about eighteen of the aliens came into the building and awaited orders. "You lot kill them, I'll deal with Liria personally."

Sheesh, so much overkill and dontcares

The fight started. Emma beat up a few with a sharp piece of rubble. Harry and Tom just punched any that came their way. Triah kicked a few where it hurts, and she punched a couple. Lilly had picked up a large piece of wood and she kept smacking any that came near her.

*sniff* ugh, there's that bulls$$$ again. I was wondering what that stink was.

Lena must be burning her ears up on the ship, while James' brain tries to transport down as discreetly as possible for some off screening. James himself drools over opps

Lilly smacked one more of the aliens with the piece of wood and she stopped. "Ohno, not now!" she squealed, then collapsed. Rerta went over to her to protect her from another one of the aliens. One came up behind him and they stabbed him.

Wait, was Rerta the only one left... god damn I can't keep track of this crap

Liria's husband got knocked to the ground, and Liria was about to kill him. She hesitated slightly, which gave him time to act. He quickly morphed a strange bottle, and he threw it at Liria. A strange liquid came out of it and it went over her. She screamed and she collapsed. Her skin started to decompose again, but a lot slower.

More of the aliens came into the room, and they all managed to hold the awayteam back. Liria's husband walked up to the awayteam with an evil smile on his face.

Ohnoes, more aliens, they're even more outnumbered. Whatever shall we do, they need a miracle

Kathryn finally lost it. "Right, you two! I want you off the Bridge, all you've done is caused arguments!" she yelled.

James and Jessie cowered from where they were. Kathryn had the deathglare on full blast and she had her hands on her hips.

God damn it, Halloween. That was the cue. Stop missing it.

Fine, keep up your season 1yness.

"Now, that was scary," Jessie was saying.

"What do you want to do then?" James asked.

"Cherry Coke," Jessie said.

"Er, what about it?" James asked.

"I heard that somebody has a secret stash in the Flyer. We could go an find it," Jessie replied.

"Yeah, ok," James said.


Come on, I'm not joking around. Look at this s$$$. This looks like a Season One episode, previously deleted, with a Lena scene written into the beginning to disguise it. You aint bloody fooling me!!!!!!!!!!1

Liria's husband was connecting Lilly to what looked like an alien life support system. "Now then this'll keep you alive during the torture. This'll be sooo much fun," he said.

"You're insane," Lilly said.

"Why thanks, but I can't take credit for this torture. Our people punish people who've used their morphing abilities to kill this way. They take out each organ one by one, ending with the brain. This machine will keep you alive until the brain part, obviously it won't be able to help you there. Now which one should I take out first," Liria's husband said. He picked up a very sharp knife.

Whatever happened to the acid bath ritual? I'm so confused with this, but too bored to relieve it

Suddenly the entire building shook as something collided with the ground. A couple of the aliens rushed outside to see what it was. A building had just been crushed by a very familiar shuttle. The shuttle was not in a very good state either.



The rest of the aliens dragged the shuttle's crewmembers into the building. Tom, Harry, Emma and Triah groaned.

"That figures," Tom muttered.

"Oy, keep your dirty hands off me!" Jessie screeched.


(or are they just here because of Suicidal....ohcome on Marill, you know the answer, don't get your hopes up)

"We just went into the flyer to find... something," James replied.



"More like crash," Tom muttered.

"No we landed... on a building," Jessie said.

So, who was flying, that's the question. Since it was a crash I'd say Jessie but James has regressed to S1, could go either way

"Would you lot shut up, I'm trying to think," Laria's husband said. He then started to use the knife, I'll not describe it because it's too gorry for me to write. Lets just say there was blood, and a bit of screaming from Lilly.


lol that old school gory spelling. I wonder when I noticed?

Jessie and James saw the blood and they fainted, as usual.

F*** this, the end, the end!

"Well before we couldn't get a scanner lock through the planet's atmosphere. Since the Flyer is down there we can scan around it. The away team are about three metres away from it," Tuvok replied.

"Can you beam them out?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes, but not yet," Tuvok replied.

"Why not?" Kathryn yelled.

"Well the writers need to do the important bit first before beam up. So I'll just say it's going to take some time to beam them out because the transporters have a problem getting through the atmosphere," Tuvok replied.

I told you Halloween, but you thought you were better. Tut tut, get in that club and make sure Aggressions 2 doesn't stab you.

Laria's husband was just about to take out another organ when the awayteam were beamed out.

"This is so not fair! I didn't get to finish, what's going to happen next?" he said in a stroppy voice. Laria came in through the door and she smiled evilly.

"Guess who's back," she said.

"Oh crap!" Laria's husband muttered.

Halloween: Okay, I'll admit it. Hi I'm Halloween and I really am a s$$$y episode even by Fifth Voyager's standards

Everyone: Hi Halloween

Halloween: *sobs quietly*

Love Spell: Don't worry Hallo, everyone's really nice here, except...


Love Spell: yeah

Territory: Hey baby, I hear you don't like consent and prefer drunk making out

Love Spell: *blushes*

The Slayers: Omg, what a slut

Year of Hell: Uh wow, that was ooc even for a member of our club

The Slayers: Yeah well, someone from Season Two had to say it, and I'm all thats left that's allowed in at the moment

Atamit/Return: *outside* hey, we don't need re-reads to be approved entry! And why was Territory allowed in early?

Halloween: :( can this get any worse?

*footsteps approach*

World Domination: Guess who's back

Everyone: *mutters*Oh crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I thank you, Captain. You are welcome to stay here longer if you wish," J'Hal said.

"No thank you, J'Hal. We really should be getting on with our journey," Kathryn said.

Translation: are you having a laugh, you (censored) piece of s****

Captains Log Supplemental: The Doctor has finished treating our awayteam and they're in perfect help thanks to that reset button. This episode did seem to finish a little too early, lets hope there's no sequel to this episode though

Lena came in with her angel ring on her head, and her angel top on. She was attempting to put an innocent face on, but she just looked even more guilty.

"Ok, Lena, what have you done now?" Kathryn asked.

"Erm, nothing. I just came here to tell you that Kiara knocked that Bunsen Burner onto that book," Lena replied.

"The erm, Book of the Living," Lena replied.

Kathryn shrugged. "Those Mummy skit episodes are behind us Lena. I doubt we'll be needing the book again," Kathryn said.

There's so much wrong with this, I don't even know where to begin, so I won't

Neelix came over to the table. "Did you two break into the secret stash of Cherry Coke?" he asked.


"It was the ships stash. I was hiding them from people like Emma and Lena," Neelix replied.

Jessie and James quickly stood up and they slowly backed towards the door. "We'll beam the rest to you," Jessie said.

"Yeah, see you in a few months," James said.

"A few months?" Neelix said questioningly.


"We have to hide out don't we?" James replied. He and Jessie rushed out of the room

Oh I don't know, I have whined that the Kill and Off Screen counts are gathering dust. Bitch slapping most of the Cherry Coke deprived crew would dust that off a tad

please, Marill's so very bored

Thankfully the episode ends reminding us that they left the Flyer behind, with all the Cherry Coke.

Why was Neelix hiding the Cherry Coke supply in the Delta Flyer?

So we could have that "hilarious" James/Jessie scene with them fainting, and to secure their place in the sequel.

Will we hear from Laria and her husband again?

We can only hope they were put into the garbage in some fashion, along with the Upendi villains and the new Seventh Voyager boss

What did the aliens put in those needles?

Acid I guess

Was this episode suppose to be scary at all?


Why was S Club 7 playing the Seven Sinners?

Because Marill likes to make her future self suffer

Will those guards recover from their ordeal?

No and neither will I

How many Kylie fans will send Marill bad reviews and death threats after reading this episode?

Precisely zero because who cares? WHO KNOWS?

Find out the answers to most of these questions next time on Fifth Voyager.

Hopefully not because it's The Curse of Voyager time now and thank bloody god. Well kinda, I still gotta rate this crap


Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 33 (946)

Sexist Crap Count: 1 (38)

Jessie's Sin Points: earned 1, lost 0 (17)

Lena the Sue Count: 0 (30)

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 3 (3)

Annika Dies Count: 0 (8)

James Dies Count: 0 (3)

James Kill Count: 0 (2)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0 (15)

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 0 (39)

Just A Little Bit More: 0 (24)




1) The opening paragraphs set up a scene that doesn't really happen, other than the Doc's sense of peace being broken by annoying kids (or annoying Lena, whatever), I guess. Still, feels like it is wasted.

2) The I'm an angel comments are really weird, and off putting/denialy with how s$$$y Lena acts

3) Speaking of which, Lena is pretty damn nasty in the opening scene. Great "first" impression there, especially when the episode was new and True Q's ending was missing, Lena will have seemed like a new character at first.

*resists adding a negative point for the Halloween performance due to my bitterness over Aqua and band scenes. The performance isn't that bad, it's not just lyrics being quoted... though I am surprised the infamous only to me dance routine for it I imagined isn't described. Nah that's all my problems. No negatives... still I'm a whiny cow for mentioning it anyway*

4) Why does the plot waste time on the VTV Live episode? I know the answer, band and shipping filler is top priority in S2. That's a negative.

5) What's up with that clearly obvious trap setup and the team falling for it like massive chumps

6) The alien's legal system sentence accused murderers to death only by the word of a witness. No trial, nothing. And they burn them at the stake? This is a species that had to outlaw shapeshifting because it was causing more crime than helping. There's a massive, titanic sized flaw in this system.

7) They also seem to have an honour system in jail at least one prisoner adheers to. Don't escape from jail is a very specific sin/commandment. Whether or not the bars on the jail window were intentional doesn't really matter, it's still dumb. Lazy writing, clearly. I should give it points for being important for the plot later, but that only explains the 7 Sinners and screw them.

8) Torture guards with music gag would be fine and all, if we didn't have the Disney and minidisk chat, and it didn't drag on. And yes we get it, Kylie "sucks". They whine about this way too much

9) The Seven Sinners. Everything about them. Who they "look like", their unmemorable names, the fact some are killed and swapped with the killers (so the name thing is a problem here too). They exposition and lure the team to the plot, that's all.

10) Doc figures out Lilly's innocent because she is no longer right handed due to an injury when she was 6/7 years old, that's definitely been conjured out of thin air to give them some proof. Wasn't the rubbish with the fake DNA bad enough? It doesn't matter anyway, Voyager would've found them and rescued them anyway because of J/J's Flyer stealing. Finding out the truth adds nothing but words and headaches

11) I still haven't a clue what Lilly was supposed to see in her punishment visions. Or the point of it. Don't say Suicidal will explain it, cos I'm pretty sure it's not the hook for that. Also she has the visions more often and they cause her to collapse more often, this is commented on but not explained either.

12) Halloween tries very badly to be a scary, slash horror, and still it fails miserably.

13) This whole murder/frame event starts because of one guy who killed his wife. This escalates to the 7 sinners saying he framed them for similar crimes, and AGAIN to him having dozens of minions to do his bidding. Not buying it

14) The dead wife can come back to life, regenerate like Iinan and Unu (one episode before Curse of Voyager FYI, maybe that should've been the halloween theme episode??), is also telekinetic and very good at it too to send people blasting off like Team Rocket. F$$$ off with this

15) James and Jessie just have to be in this one, not just because I wanted them in the sequel cos that'd be a tiny bit ok (I'd still whine about how forced it is), but to be the episode's comic relief. Like they were in Season One a lot of the time, EXACTLY like that. They're idiots manning consoles they shouldn't, annoy the bridge crew, steal a shuttle just to steal Cherry Coke, crash land it for luls, get captured effortlessly by the villains (right after a ridiculous fight scene between 18 shapeshifting aliens and Harry, Tom, Lilly, Emma and Triah who only lose due to reinforcements), pass out like twins to excessive blood, and of course are there to secure their sequel posts.

If this were Season One I'd be complaining sure, but this is the middle of Two. Go back to Interactions, Disconnected, Resistance, Saturday Night, even F9 bloody Control Failure, Resurrection, Kiss of Death, and True Q, and tell me with a straight face that James and Jessie's potrayal in Halloween is right (excluding James' punch out of Tom earlier). You can't, can you. The same characters that have proved capable, have had serious storylines involving murder, sexual assault, childhood abuse, unwanted pregnancy and a secret love child, are made the bumbling comic relief who can't even use Opps, make snappy comebacks (you divvy x3), talk like adults, contribute to an action scene, and still pass out at the sight of blood at the same time? Yeah, no F$$$$ off Halloween, you've single handedly flipped the bird on most of the good effort Season Two has done so far. At least Slayers Part 2 had the Steps split excuse to turn James back into a wheenie, what's yours two months before that, huh? (2 points, deservedly so)

16) The villains dialogue is so cheesy, even I'm wanting to scrape it off my pizza and toss it in the bin

17) As mentioned, the fight scene. 18 shapeshifting aliens versus Tom, Harry, Lilly and Triah. I'll let Emma off the hook, but these four. Oh come on. Even better is they hold their own until reinforcements arrive. lawl. Even Lena might have had a little bother with this, or James if he were off screen and in the same scene as her. But yeah Tom and Harry, Lilly, Triah. Sure.

18) I'm sorry but I gotta laugh at it, in a bad way. The main villain shapeshifts into a bottle of acid and sprays his dead wife with erm, himself? Danny would love this s$$$. But no, that's not all that's funny about this. I get that he can change shape, but why would anything from him be acidy enough to harm her? If he could do this, why doesn't he walk around as a knife and stab people whenever he feels like it? I could buy that. Making his blood or whatever you want acid, nope. ALSO WHAT IS THIS EPISODE'S OBSESSION WITH ACID?

19) The finale has the villain taking organs from Lilly because that's what the aliens do to people who shapeshift??? And I thought the burning an alien at the stake for murder without a trial was barbaric, good lord.

20) Okay fine, the stars of Suicidal were captured by the villain. And? How does it explain Suicidal's plot? I'm waiting.

21) Curse of Voyager ironic foreshadowing, oh gods. It's bad enough the villain's victim stole Curse's villain's gimmick. And wtf is Lena doing with a bunsen burner?

Sub-total: 22


1) Opening paragraphs are mostly good, setting the scene and all.

2) Gotta give a point to Kiara's snark against Tani, that was sweet.

3) While we're on a similar subject, Tom deserved that on screen punch. Don't take things off people's heads/faces and then proceed to call them ugly enough to scare people. How dumb can you get?

4) Agh, Kylie made me forget where I lived, made me snicker. Again it's too bad the joke kept going after, wore out its welcome

Sub-total: 4

Marill's Rating: 15%

Rankings So Far:

#01 Resistance: 53%
#02 Disconnected: 40%
#03 Kiss of Death: 38%
#04 Interactions: 37%
#05 The Resurrection: 36%
#06 True Q: 35%
#07 Saturday Night & Precise Timings: 31%
#08 Games Resistance: 29%
#09 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#10 F9: Control Failure: 21%
#11 Halloween: 15%
#12 Dimension Jump: 14%
#13 The Slayers: 12%
#14 The Love Spell: 10%

Oh dear, I hope the 1 good followed by 1 bad isn't going to be a re-occuring pattern (Kiss 38%, Slayers 12%, True Q 35%, Halloween 15%). If so, Curse of Voyager needs to deliver an at least 30% whopper. If it achieves that I don't have much hope for Cause & Effect. YWF after that should score well, if I remember it right. Then we'll get the controversial Why oh Why, and oh gods, this is how the rest of the season's gonna go isn't it?

That reminds me, I haven't looked over my previous score guesses yet or made new ones. I may as well do that for the rest of the season since I'm already looking at patterns. I didn't guess scores until episode 7, but I did rank 3-6 in the order I thought they would be, so lets take a look. Red are the ones already ranked at the time.

Resistance - no contest
True Q / Resurrection: 55-60% - LOL, so much for either beating Resistance, at least they're together in the chart so was right about that.
Precise Timings: 50-55% - LOL again
Games Resistance
F9 Control Failure: 28-33% - a little optimistic but close
Saturday Night: 25-27% - a little pessimistic but close
Thrown Key Part 2 / Kiss of Death: 20-25% - I was very wrong about Kiss. It was so much better than I recalled.
The Slayers: 15% or less - correct
Dimension Jump: 10-15% - correct
The Love Spell

Lets check out the rest of the season at the still not halfway mark (close though! 15 down, 16 to go). Yes Season Two is too long, 29 episodes instead of 28, the movie and a special. Sigh. It only gets shorter from here *cough* Season Five's 29+special, and almost novel length episodes *cough*

The Curse of Voyager: 35-40%
Cause & Effect: 25-30%
YWF: 40-45%
Why oh Why: 15-20%
An Apple A Day: 15-20%
Bittersweet: 20-25%
I Know What You've Done This Season: 30-35%
Suicidal: 30-35%
Heiress: 20-25%
The Atamit: 10-15%
Lea Halalela: 15-20%
Return of Third Voyager: 10-15%
Territory: 15-20%
Deep Under: 25-30%
Man Out Of You: I'll give it a range of 50-55% but I see it beating Resistance's 53%
Fair Chance Part 1: 15-20%

So there you have it folks. The 30% range are the readable ones, so look forward to the 3/15 of those and the 2 that might be good. Fantastic. At least Curse should be a ride, lets do this.

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