Marill Re-Reads "F9: Control Failure"

Howdie guys. Today is the oddly titled ^ and I'm a little wary. Why? If you checked out Dimension Jump's Re-Read you'll be aware of the stink that was and have a general idea of the mess it made. Now, F9 was the sequel to Dimension Jump when the episode was normal and even though it turned into a hateful bag of crap this still had to follow it. Not only did I have to continue the story, or lack thereof, I had the task of doing so without being as offensive...

At least, that's how I remember it. Vaguely. I knew Dimension Jump was a mistake sometime after upload, but I have no idea how long it took me. Saturday Night was a bloodfest but had nothing about the behind the scenes drama within, not that it was meant to. I'm assuming I realised before this one, but the problem I'm having is had things cooled off enough by the time of F9's writing so it's not infected like Dimension was?

I'm mostly curious about one particular part though. During my earlier reviews I didn't seem so sure on the timeline of things, including when Damien became actual Damien. In Dimension Jump he was the Season One version, and sometime after that I went back to rename him and started to plan out a new arc for a sorta new character. He developed into the Damien we all love to hate (or love, just hate, not bothered, whatever). I was hazy on the when this happened. After some digging I found a news page from 2001 confirming this once and for all.

So yeah, drumroll. Will F9: Control Failure be technically Damien's premiere episode:

Sunday, 9th September:
Memories has been delayed a week since [reason is definitely lies, we know why] Marill was available [lol, available for FURY you mean] to write Dimension Jump so that episode has been uploaded instead. VTV Live has been updated at long last[beats me??]

Sunday, 16th September:
Memories has been cancelled, Saturday Night has replaced it.

F9: CONTROL FAILURE Day 1 of writing: 17th September

Tuesday, 18th September:

Friday, 21st September:
[blah blah stuff about the so called hacking of the site, everything's fine now] All episodes with reference to the ex-boss' original name has been updated.

F9: CONTROL FAILURE Day 2 of writing: 22nd September

Sunday 23rd September:
F9: Control Failure is up, and so is the second part to Caretaker!!

PLOT TWIST: Memories was the episode due on the OMG FURY weekend. It was delayed for a more "appropriate" episode and within a week cancelled. Obviously I was very stuck AND ANGRY on it.

Then much later I found a sheet of paper with a very old Season Two episode list. (A week before the upload of this review.) If I didn't change anything, that incident would never have happened at all. OMG WHUT? Memories was in Resistance's slot in the ye olde days. So Resistance would've been hanging around before release instead of Games R, so unless the daft rushed ending annoyed them as much as it did me, nothing would've happened. Games Resistance would've been after, then Dimension Jump would've been calmer but probably still awful. We also wouldn't have Damien though. Hmmmmmmm. It's okay, in this hypothetical other dimension I'm sure I pissed off this person in another way. We will never know!

ANYWAY! Yes the episode was finished and released after the Damien change took place, but some of it was written not only before that, but before the site was taken over. I'm going into this one with my caution level high. Here's hoping all of Damien's scenes were done on the 22nd. Even so, I'm not confident naming this episode as his true first episode. Not until I've read it. I'll know if this is thee Damien from what he says and does.

Wish me luck, pwease.


More or less everyone was at a station on the Bridge. Damien, Phoebe & Chakotay were the only ones standing up. They were in the centre of the Bridge, where they usually are.


No, no I'm not doing an all caps review again

"They're nearing the Aritia Nebula," Damien said quietly.

"That's interesting," Chakotay muttered.

"Let me finish!" Damien barked.

Damien what? Can't be muttered misspelt, is it meant to be said loudly? I'm so confused. What is this sorcery?

"Don't mind the moron sir," Phoebe said, sucking up to the Boss as usual.

Yeah thanks!

I'm still confused as to why or when she started being the Boss' pet. I'm sure in her first episode she was plotting to usurp him with Alex. WHO'S ALEX

"The Aritia Nebula has been the home of the Dellia F9 for 400 years. Voyager and the Fleet know this, and they're more than likely to be going to the nebula to find the F9. We can use this to our advantage," Damien said.

Ah the "Dellia" F9, the Sue of starships.

A thought occurs though. Did the previous episodes mention which "Dellia" was (or "Dellias" rather) currently in use? I don't wanna go back to hatesville to check. Still though, this F9 business has very little context.

"The Aritia Nebula is known to have a strange effect on shields. We can attack the fleet when their guard and their shields are down," Damien said.

Ohnoes, it's the Nemesis nebula! Quick chuck on the warp core shield, Troi take the helm!

No wonder the F9's been stuck there for centuries. It's practically the Enterprise E but RED(and blue) and tubbier

"No you nitwit! We have to go behind the nearby planet, that will block their sensors. Well, mostly. Voyager would probably break away from the Fleet to investigate, and that's when we strike against the Dellia Fleet," Damien said.

Um what?

If they can't detect you, why would they investigate? And why would Voyager go alone? And why does the planet do that? And whhhhhhhhhhhyyy oh why do you gotta say goodbye

"But I thought that you wanted to get Fifth Voyager most of all," Chakotay said.

"I do, but the writers are sticking to their original script where I have the biggest grudge against the Dellia Fleet," Damien said.


"Well personally, I think Damien will either get killed again or we just get badly damaged and retreat like the coward Phoebe is," Harry said.

"That's realistic. I hope the first one you said will be the one that happens," Tom said.

"Harry! Tom! I'm sorry sir, they don't mean it. We'd hate it if you died again at Fifth Voyager's cause," Phoebe said.

"No we wouldn't," everyone said in unison.

Fifth Voyager's what?

Captains Log Supplemental - We're nearing the Aritia Nebula. Lilly tells us that there is a ship in the nebula which will prove useful. She hasn't given out anymore information yet. The Dellia Z6 & Z4 have broken off from the fleet to help in a battle with the Sixes while Voyager and the Dellia Z5 investigate the lost ship.

Oh what do you know, barely any new information since the villains expositioned it first. I'm surprised the log isn't going "we've discovered nothing behind that planet so we're taking a peek, BECAUSE I'M THE CAPTAIN"

"Captain, why do you always say supplemental in the logs. Do you ever know the stardate?" Chakotay asked.

"Of course I do. This is my second log today so there is no point in repeating the stardate," Kathryn replied.

"But it's only 0700 hours," Tom said.


I love that this is pointed out this early in the series

"Schedule a staff meeting at 0730 hours. Don't forget to invite our Dellia friends," Kathryn ordered.

"Yes ma'am, but there's two problems with that order. 1) if we were to invite the entire Dellia senior staff to the meeting we'll have no room. 2) there is only one Dellia guest star," Chakotay said.



"Chakotay, I'm sure there would of been plenty of room. At one point we had trouble fitting seven main characters at that table. Now we can get eighteen around it," Kathryn said.


THOUGH LOL, WHUT, ONLY 18? I swear Fear had like 17 or something in their ohnoes main cast are getting taken hostage gag. Since then we've had Lilly, Emma and the six prequelers. Just wait until Bryan and Duncan are invited to meetings because they're in the list too, lawl.

"Tom, I know it seems impossible but everything seems to be possible in this series," Kathryn said.

"If that's the case then how come we still can't get easy food around here? We always have to rely on Neelix's cooking if we don't ration well," Tom asked.

I'm on Tom's side here. If anything was possible we'd have better grammar and spelling, stories that don't go off the deep end, Damien would already be stuffing his face with yoghurts, James would be Saturday Night'ing in earlier episodes, and no one in the series would know who or what Marill is.

"I don't know, don't ask me, ask the writers for goodness sake!" Kathryn exclaimed.


Anyway Marill repeats her Evil C with another character assaulting or threatening to gag, then they finally leave.

"Finally, we can get back to the episode," Kathryn moaned.

"Yeah," Chakotay said.

"And now it's time for the advert break!" Marill's voice yelled.

Oh god. For a while I still stubbornly liked this next "joke", even though I hated the writers stuff. Let's see if it's just as okay.

Advert One:

The screen turned blank. A really annoying squeaky voice started speaking as a picture of a sofa came onto the screen. "Buy this really expensive sofa, and get one crummy one free!" The picture disappeared and a picture of a CD Player appeared. "Buy this CD Player and get a LP absolutely free! Are we doing a deal or are we doing a deal!" the squeaky voice squeaked. A logo appeared on the screen, it said Ice World.

We see a man robbing a bank. Police arrive and they try to drag him away.

"It wasn't me! Big Dave made me do it!" the man yelled.

"Yeah right, get the straight jackets!" a police officer said. The scene changes, and we see the man in a white room with a straight jacket on. A picture of a Pot Noodle appears on the screen.

"Blame it on Big Dave!" a voice said. The screen faded out.

oh god these adverts date the episode badly

What's scarier is I remember these stupid Big Dave adverts.

Sky Advert:

We see some clips of a TV show where people audition for a voice in Pokémon. A few people dress up as main characters.




don't make fun of this Marill, at least I was trying!!!! MILITARY TIME IS HARD, THEY SAY OH SEVEN HUNDRED, GAAAAAAAWD

Zombies, er I mean half asleep crewmembers walked through the door. They sat down and most just fell back asleep on the table. The last to arrive was Emma, Lilly and her brother, James.

I think they have the right idea

 James (her brother, we'll just call him by his surname, it's easier) followed her over.


Anyway Morgan gets out her notebook as James the Third of ... ok I'll admit I'm running out of ways I can take the piss out of his name issues. From here on out he'll be called Three of James Pain In The Ass adjunct of Unimatrix James, but you may call him Three of James.


ANYWAY X2: Morgan gets out her notebook as Three of James Pain In The Ass adjunct of Unimatrix James prepares his exposition speech.

"The ship inside the nebula was sent into the nebula to hide human refugees who were on Liger ships during the Human/Liger war in our dimension. The crew and the refugees went into stasis to protect them from the radiation. However they were suppose to get out of stasis two weeks afterwards, but the Sixes faction chose that moment to interfere. They took over the ship and they made sure the crew would not escape from stasis," Johnstone said.

Oh god this is painful

1) In Kidz Trek the Ligers immigrated to Venus so Humans wouldn't discover their cloaked and artificially built island in the Pacific with their developing technology. They also cloaked Venus too, using technology they pinched from the Mercury cloaking. Marill really likes those two planets OKAY

2) So yeah there was never any war between Humans and Ligers. Humans never found them.

3) Liger tech was far more advanced than Humans, obviously since they were able to raise an island in the ocean, cloak it, have spaceships and the ability to colonise Venus without Earth seeing it and then cloak that too.

I can buy Humans picking a fight with them. That's what we do. We're violent, hateful buggers. But the Ligers should've been yawning them off. The only advantage we'd have over these people would be population numbers.

4) The F9 was the flagship of the fleet. I know I changed it slightly in FV but definitely not to suit the story, as again you'll see. So why was it tasked with refugee ferrying and hiding in nebulas?

5) The Sixes took over the F9 and messed with the escape pods. Fair enough. But clearly they left it there. You'll see why that's a massive WTFBBQ later on.

"How do you know exact details?" Kathryn asked.

"Because, Captain, I was there," Lilly replied.


"Oh shut up! Captain, Emma and I were on that ship in stasis with the rest of the crew. The part about the Sixes stealing Emma and my stasis units did happen, and we were pulled into the Third dimension. The rest you know," Lilly said.

Take "third" out of this explanation and I approve.

"Yes, here comes the wise crack," Lilly muttered.

"I don't have one, I'd better go to Sickbay," Tom said. The Doctor rushed over and started scanning him.

So, er, what use is this ship now?" Kathryn asked.

"It may interest Voyager, it had a working coaxial drive installed. That's why it's in the Delta Quadrant," Johnstone replied.

Yeah so why the hell was it taking Human refugees from 20th/21st century Earth? Also where the hell was it taking Human refugees from 20th/21st century Earth? ALSO also, did I miss the part about them doing this in an AU, not the Liger dimension? Probably, probably not, this is old FV. 50/50 chance I've forgotten/skimmed past that.

"Fascinating, but how come it is in our dimension?" Tuvok asked.

spoke too soon

"We thought it would be safer in another dimension, obviously we were wrong," Lilly replied.

Dumbass explanation, should've known. However it could easily be not a stupid explanation, if you ignored the human refugees part, or humans full stop. "We fled from the Sixes into a dimension where we or they didn't exist. We didn't know they could pursue us."

"Another thing, how come you weren't able to retrieve that ship until now?" Chakotay asked.

"Because of that strike we made at the most powerful Sixes fleet two months ago, Sixes forces have had to be sent to different areas. The Aritia nebula was guarded by a fleet of Sixes ships for 400 years, they must think the nebula is insignificant now," Johnstone said.

So much rubbish, not enough room in the bin. But enough about my house woes.

One fleet sat and guarded a nebula for 400 years? lol

Oh so the Sixes fleet from DJ are (or were) the most powerful? I thought they were crummy and a dump. They went down far too easily, so what are you worried about with these spread out lesser ships?

I'm still confused as to why they can't go into the nebula to get this ship, the Sixes I mean. They had it but abandoned it, then sat around for 400 years. Maybe their descendants don't have all the info lol. It only disables their shields, the F9 is abandoned/empty ffgs. What are they worried about?

After 400 years of I ASSUME making sure the Ligers don't get their only coaxial drive back, they decide after the loss of their fleet, via the Ligers and Voyager, to abandon their post and split up. WHAT?

I need to go back to the first scene and see if this is something Damien planned. Did he tell them to skedaddle for dumb reasons so the Dellia/Voyager alliance think its safe to swoop in because they're dumb. Seriously... if he did I forgot or missed it.

"They're nearing the Aritia Nebula," Damien said quietly.

"The Aritia Nebula has been the home of the Dellia F9 for 400 years. Voyager and the Fleet know this, and they're more than likely to be going to the nebula to find the F9. We can use this to our advantage," Damien said.

"I wonder how we can use a cloud of lighten up gas to our advantage," Tom sniggered.

"The Aritia Nebula is known to have a strange effect on shields. We can attack the fleet when their guard and their shields are down," Damien said.

"Should we go into the nebula now then?" Phoebe asked.

"No you nitwit! We have to go behind the nearby planet, that will block their sensors. Well, mostly. Voyager would probably break away from the Fleet to investigate, and that's when we strike against the Dellia Fleet," Damien said.

Nope. Thought not. It doesn't confirm or deny tbh. I think DJ hinted the Sixes were under Bobby/Boss 2's control anyway not Damien's, so yeah. I'm still WTFing this Sixes stupidity... unless this is a pretty obvious trap. ANYWAY lets continue.

"With that coaxial drive we will be able to escape big battles if necessary, when the war is over we can use the drive to get home," Lilly said.

"Why don't we use it to get home first?" Tom asked.

"We can give the technology to Starfleet and they can reproduce it. Then they can send more ships to fight," Tom said.

Snipped this a bit. Now while a reasonable idea, in theory, it's still extremely dumb. Starfleet going to war with a bunch of imbeciles from an AU for another bunch of idiots from an AU, yeah ok. Stop trying to make this seem like a serious threat, Season Two. It barely even makes sense let alone a problem that the Federation would care about.

Secondly it wasn't our technology in the first place. The ship was taken over two years before the stasis incident, and the aliens installed the drive," Johnstone said.



What aliens? Why would they do that? What? HAHA? IF IT WERE THE SIXES THAT DID THIS I'D LOL

"Quite a lot of our crew were transferred to the other Dellia ships, we haven't got enough crewmembers to man the Dellia Z5," Lilly replied.

"I suppose we could temporarily transfer members of our crew to your ship," Chakotay said.

I'm so bored. Why am I doing this and not rebooting

Probably the same reason I'm not having my dinner, I love wasting my days off and complaining after them that I wasted my days off.

"Tom, Craig, Tani, B'Elanna, James, Jessie, Morgan, you are all ordered to join Lilly & Emma onboard the Z5," Kathryn said.

I just thought of something. It's been two months, how come Tom and B'Elanna are working? They've just had a kid...kinda. It's in character for B'Elanna I guess...okay

Everyone stood up and they all headed towards the doors. What they didn't know was that somebody was conveniently spying on them.

Seventh Voyager:

Damien was watching everything on a computer screen.


Please Note: I stopped reading here as I was seriously really bored with this episode. Kinda stopped anyway, I skimmed the rest, wasn't interested in continuing and so felt oddly inspired to write. The rest of the review was done months later, two weeks after the Laptop Murdering Flood of 2017 so I'm still not 100%. That's why I'm doing this instead of playing Civilization 2 (I miss Windows XP *sob*). I'd much rather be doing Tales of Voyager or whatever I'm going to call the VTV Live/Drinking Game combo, but I can't so...

Anyways they release a probe and we get:

"Can I ask, what is the point of the probe?" Chakotay asked.

"That'll generate a signal, it'll get Voyager's attention so they'll leave the Z5 to investigate. By the time they get here we'll have already gone and taken over the Z5 and the F9," Damien replied.

You know what. I just... I dunno.

May I remind you once again that the point of the Ligers were to be more advanced than Humans. If I had wanted them to be at least equal to Voyager in FV, I could've easily made it so whatever incident brought Lilly to not third dimension, ruined the Ligers enough so Humans caught up. It'd also allow this Human war I don't remember to make sense. That's not happened since the Lillyia's are into their Z's from The Future spinoff based 400 years later.

Also the Lillyia's were my ship babies long before Fifth Voyager, so why the hell am I making them so incompetent that they'd need Voyager hanging around to stave off Seventh Voyager and Damien, who have yet to really win anything?

"That's the best plan you've ever come up with," Chakotay said in an impressed tone.

But oh no, it's clearly gonna work cos it's genius. The Lillyia/Dellia Z5 with its 400+ year advantage over regular Voyager, let alone weaker Seventh Voyager, will fall in the time it takes Voyager to scan a damn probe and come back, pfft.

"It's still terrible," Tom whispered. Phoebe threw a brick at his head and he fell unconscious.

"Damn, we need a new pilot," Phoebe muttered.

"Fool," Damien grumbled.

"Can I fly?" Chakotay asked. All red-shirts left the Bridge to commit suicide while everyone else started writing their wills.


Kiara ran onto the Bridge.

"Can I fly?" Kiara asked. The yellow-shirts left to commit suicide too.

This feels like a me stealing another fanfic's joke moment. No, it doesn't feel, it is. It looks a lot like Voyager Coronary. Only instead of collapsing, people are slit wristing.

In the end Craig takes the helm and you'd think the not funny banter and joke stealing would be over, but you clearly haven't read any of the ReReads before this one, have you?

"Tell that blonde haired freak to set a course for the nebula," Damien said.

"But Tom's unconscious," Phoebe said.

"The un-natural blonde," Damien muttered.

"Hey, this is natural!" Seven squealed. Damien started headbutting the nearest station.

Oh hey, I remember this scene from Dimension Jump. Just what any episode needs.

Plot twist is, the Dimension Jump version was better. GASP

The ship lurched forward forcing a few innocent crewmembers to fall onto the floor.


"Kim, activate the cloak, we don't want the Z5 to detect us yet," Damien said.

Look, if you're going to use the cloak, just go in and nab the F9. No one will notice until its too late.

The Dellia Z5:

Lilly, Emma, Craig, B'Elanna, Tom, Jessie, James, Tani, Morgan & Johnstone were all on the Bridge.

Good lord, this hurts. Too bad there's no way to let the reader know which characters are on the Z5 without doing this list, no...

"Ok, the following jobs are available since they're usually for main characters. Engineering workers, Tactical officer, Opps officer, pilot and there's a few spaces open for security teams," Lilly said.

Oh, job assignments. Nah, that's too easy.

"Er, good idea. Anybody else who's just as blood lusted as Emma should take the security team job," Lilly said.

"Do I count?" Morgan asked.

James hasn't been assigned yet?

And I mean that on two fronts, you know what they are.

And2 yes Morgan, you count. I won't forget Makeupface anytime soon.

"I agree. Morgan, first officer and opps officer. Craig, tactical. Tom, pilot. B'Elanna, Tani, James & Jessie, engineering. Emma and James 2, security," Lilly said.


"Er, am I in Engineering or on the Security team?" Johnstone asked.

"I told you before, you're known as James 2, unless you want to be called Jimbo or Jimmy," Lilly said.

"So I'm on the Security team then," Johnstone muttered.

I SAID: What?

Ok I didn't share the claptrap about Three of James Pain In The Ass adjunct of Unimatrix James having command of his ship (yes fine, he's first officer but it was his before Lilly) taken from him because he committed the crime of not being a main character. Still, look at this malarkey

"I agree. Morgan, first officer and opps officer. Craig, tactical. Tom, pilot. B'Elanna, Tani, James & Jessie, engineering. Emma and James 2, security," Lilly said.


Fine oh fine, Morgan's been in command before (and we all know how well that's gone) and everyone thinks she's super awesome about it, cos of course she is, she's the Sue. Still, from what I remember of the story there's no reason to have Morgan steal Three of James(OMGSNIP)' job, also take opps (that's a huge WHY on its own) and demote the first officer and ex-captain to security minion... ALL BECAUSE HE'S CALLED JAMES, AND WE CAN'T HAVE TWO IN THE SAME ROLE TO AVOID CONFUSION, WHICH WOULD BE A SLIGHT NIGGLE IF JAMES 1 OFF SCREEN SPECIALIST WASN'T ALREADY A SECURITY OFFICER. AND AND THE ONLY JOB REQUIREMENT FOR SECURITY OFFICER WAS TO BE BLOOD LUSTED. HELLO

And no, I'm not actually angry. This is just soooo stupid, it needs highlighting as if I'm mad. It's so stupid even for this series. I don't get it and even worse, I think it was done for a scene coming up. I could easily write around an issue like that in a few seconds nowadays, but no, 2001 Marill bulls£££'s her way to freedom.

"Another prob, we're one member short of security personnel," Johnstone said.

"Yeah, we need more than two listed main/guest stars," Lilly said. Evil C conveniently appeared.

"Hey, who stole my chain-saw?" he asked loudly. Emma tried to look innocent as she held two chain-saws behind her back.

Those must be pathetic little chainsaws if she can do that. Just saying.

"Ohno, I'm stuck with two chain-saw obsessed characters," Johnstone moaned.

"Don't worry James 2, they're really nice when you get to know them. Anyone will tell you that," Lilly said.

Haha, this may as well be a disclaimer screaming in your face; "these two are real people and I know now not to insert them into my rubbish, but it's too late so OVERCOMPENSATION TIME. NO ONE BE MEANIES TO THEM, THEY'RE SUPER NICE*. PS Hi guys I'm sorry, please don't hack me, k?"

*Not that they aren't. This comment just screams to me pre-emptive damage control after the Dimension Jump incident.

Marill appeared with another chain-saw and she handed it to Johnstone.

"Will this shut you up?" she asked.

Heh, I can get onboard I suppose.

Janeway calls and guess what?

In: "We have to go out of the nebula to check something out, we'll be about an hour."


"Ooh, ooh, Captain can you bring me a souvenir?" Tom asked. Everyone groaned.


Anyways, get the Sexist Crap counter on copy, the (I assume) point of demoting Third of James to security chump so James can go to Engineering is about to begin.

James, Jessie & Tani obviously didn't know what they were doing. B'Elanna stopped what she was doing to look at the three confused people. She shook her head and returned to work.

Gee, I wonder what jobs they would've be suited for on this alien and more advanced ship. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMMM

"Hiya, stuck?" Tani asked.

"Just a little," James muttered in response.

"I think I can help," Tani said.

Okay the previous description had Tani also clueless about the console, but James doesn't know that. Still, even if you have a good idea what she's up to, how did the "I can help" line pan out in her imagination? No one really wants to know

"How?" James asked. He hit the console, a crack was left behind. "Oops, that's the second time I've done that today," he said as he turned away from the console.

James making up for lost off screen time? What was the point of this? Is this a really bad attempt at showing a reminder that he's strong? Again, why???? My poor question mark button is already wearing out.

Meanwhile, more pointlessness

Morgan walked into the room, and she headed over to Jessie's console. Jessie was watching Tani and James so she didn't notice Morgan coming over.

"Hi, Jess, how ya doing?" Morgan asked. Jessie wasn't paying any attention. Morgan turned to look where Jessie was looking.

Okay, so remind me or tell me rather, why was Morgan put in command again while James was bulls$$$ed into Engineering? You only made Morgan come here anyway. Couldn't James have done that too? HHUH? ANSWER ME

But who cares

Suddenly Tani trapped James against the wall, and she started kissing him! 

Bloody hell!

I can forgive the exclaimation mark at the end of this one. Probably why it wasn't amongst the great exclaimation marks cos kissing is icky purge of um... sometime ago.

Damn. It's not only Tani planting a brief smacker, or her trying to get all Frenchy with him. She made sure he had nowhere to run. WTF

Jessie stormed out of the room.


Jessie's Sin Points: +1

Morgan just made her way over to Tani. 

Just A Little Bit More: 1


She took a hold of her arm and she literally threw her off James.

"Oh sorry, Tani, I didn't see you there," Morgan said sarcastically

"What's your problem, Morgan, I thought you didn't fancy him?" Tani asked.


"I don't, you just made me feel ill so I decided to put a stop to it," Morgan replied.

Well, they can't all be zingers, or appropriate. How do I make this about me

"Yeah, yeah, Morgan, you're just jealous," Tani said.


"Oh please, spare me your crap. I was just helping friends in need, so get lost," Morgan said. Tani headed towards the door in disgust.

Friends? How many people has Tani sexually assaulted?

But better Morgan. Better than "eeew that was gross".

"Thanks Morgan, I owe you one," James said.

"Yeah, you do, pay up," Morgan said and she held out her hand.

"What? But you said..." James said.

"I was only joking,

Aaaw bless

"Tani, who cares about her, she's just a slut on legs," Morgan replied.

Firstly. I don't get it. Generally speaking wouldn't some sluts have legs? The implication's a bit iffy but it's Morgan and she usually gets her comments a "bit" wrong.


Sexist Crap Count: 1

I er... this isn't as harsh as any other usage of the word because of what she did, but still gotta mark it.

Then she calls her it again so

Sexist Crap Count: 2

"Er, can someone fill me in?" B'Elanna asked.

"I wouldn't say that, where I come from that line basically means, can someone beat me up," James said.


"Er, ok, just tell me what happened," B'Elanna muttered.

"Tani started kissing James, believe it or not. I managed to stop her," Morgan said.



"Er, that's, er nice. I suspect Jessie left because she was jealous," B'Elanna said.

YEP NOT BUYING IT. Jessie has been far too passive this season. I know I said in the Season One reviews that she was far too extreme and because of it so unlikeable, that I calmed her down somewhat for Season Two+. And I bet most of you found that funny cos modern Jessie is still quite ferocious and rude, BUT WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, HUH


"Jealous of what?" James asked. B'Elanna and Morgan groaned.

Have we forgotten Resistance already? :( seems so

You know what, after that scene I'm gonna let you off for that. This once.

"Idiot," they both muttered.

And scene. That's it.

You know what. Now I'm a little annoyed. James was just assaulted in front of everyone, and it's not the first time. I imagine there'd be a chorus of people assuming that my problem with this was that James did nothing about it, and maybe some of them would add "he had to be saved by the Sue, cos GIRL POWER". Maybe some of you were expecting me to joke that duh, course he didn't, it was on screen after all hurdur.

Nah. I'm "okay" with James not defending himself because well, that s$$$ happens. Maybe I showed him as strong a few sentences earlier to make a point. Men can be abused too, sometimes by women, and sometimes by women they'd usually be stronger than. Why, cos of many things. The shock made them freeze, previous trauma, a fear of hurting the woman, the don't hit women stigma, the "you lucky sod" style comments because "men always want it", and/or being accused of being the aggressor. James is nearly all of the "above."

No, James' part in this was fine, although he could've seemed a little more wigged than he was. My problem is what happened afterwards. Apart from Morgan trying to cheer him up, no one gave a s$$$. The scene changed focus to Jessie and what effect it had on her, oh she's jealous, and James back to being completely oblivious to it despite Resistance happening. Surely nobody in James' place there would come out of Resistance with no clue that the girl wasn't crushing on him. Wasn't that the point of the awkward turbolift scene and Jessie's kiss test?

OH GODS I'M DOING IT AGAIN. This isn't about getting James and Jessie together, or teasing it and never doing it ala J/C. This is about someone not only forcing themselves on someone who isn't interested, but also trapping them against a wall.

Yes yes I remember Silent Scream. I always will. Salting my self inflicted wounds isn't necessary.

It's not nothing. No big deal is made about it. This scene looks to be only here to make Jessie jealous. It's the old gender switcheroo of the classic 'make women suffer to develop a male character' trope. I'm not amused at all.

Sexist Crap Count: 3

This will be taken off if something happens later in the episode that actually revolves around only James about this. But I doubt it.

"Oh yeah, cool. Maybe we should send the unimportant characters over," Lilly said.

"You'd better get going Captain, hehehe," Tom laughed.

One of these days I'll remember the context of the Lilly's not important jokes. Not today though.

"Oh my, did Clive leave behind a brick," Lilly said.

"What?" Tom asked, a few seconds later a brick hit the back of his head and he fell unconscious.


I'm not laughing at this, I assure you. I'm laughing cos I just pictured something after thinking about typing the so called joke: "someone really oughta finish building the Dellia Z5 before they send it out on a mission", cos hurr of course the Ligers build their ships with actual bricks, I'm so funny not.

What did I picture that was funny to me, cos that sure wasn't. The context may be lost but I'm now picturing the makeshift Lillyia/Dellia crew assaulting each other with stray bits of Lego they keep finding lying around.

Make of that what you will.

"Call me Captain. Sir and the All Mighty One is also acceptable," Lilly said.

Voyager Coronary did it better

"Sir, two things. 1, I suggest taking Emma and Clive over since they're security crewmembers, and I think Morgan and James should go over, since there's a lot of wreckage around the ship, and they're the only ones strong enough to move it," Craig said.

Shh Craig, no one is allowed to have brains or common sense in this series.

To prove it, we get a really drawn out HAHA LILLY IS TURNING INTO JANEWAY scene that isn't funny. F9 and Season Two for that matter are like the "comedian" on the stage being pelted with boos and lager bottles, still telling novel long knock knock jokes, laughing before the punchline who eventually has to be dragged off the stage and barred from karaoke night. I almost feel sorry for past me at this stage.

Lilly finally wipes the rotten tomato from her face and follows Craig's advice about the awayteam.

Not before we get a follow up to the kissrape scene.

Tani walked in through the main door. She looked around and she headed over to a table where Jessie was sitting.

Who cares about how James feels, Jessie's jealousy over another woman forcing herself on her lovecrush leaving him so terrified he does nothing, is top priority. GO

"I guess jealousy was rearing it's ugly head ten minutes ago," Tani said.

"I said go away," Jessie said.

f$$$ off Tani

Come on Jessie, the garbage GIF misses you. That'd make the story's insistence at giving you focus in James' storyline so much less bitter.

"Well, jealousy doesn't get you anywhere. Anyway, you shouldn't be mad at me, he was the one who kissed me," Tani said.


"Yeah right. I saw you two, you forced him into it," Jessie said.

That's... that's the closest we're ever going to get to admitting what that was, right? Sigh

"Yeah, and he kissed me back," Tani said.

"No he didn't, I could tell," Jessie said.

Gee, what gave it away? Nothing really. The scene never bothered to show his reaction to anything. Why bother, he's not the point. *shudder*

"How, you weren't kissing him," Tani said.

Oh god.

"He looked scared stiff," Jessie said.

Did he now? Let's remind us of one part of this scene that casts doubt on this (not that I'm denying he was freaked out, cos duh)

Jessie stormed out of the room.

In one sentence Jessie has managed to be the most out of character she's ever been, forever and ever, even beating MY MAKE UP IS DEAD, WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR MUM. I was already judging her for storming out (I assume huffily) without even trying to help her best friend out from his sexual assault, months after he rescued her from hers. Now that I've typed that I feel that alone earns another

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

But she noticed he not only was scared, but used the term scared stiff to describe his reaction. Which proves my "too shocked/scared to move" point earlier. AND SHE STILL DID NOTHING BUT STORM OFF IN A HUFF as if he and Tani were consensually making out in her line of sight. And even then, he's not her boyfriend so I'd still gripe an ickle bit. Sorry Jess. No, this is just not on. You were doing so well but I can't give you a pass.

Jessie's Sin Points: +10

This not only is super selfish and cruel, and that's if you forget again that he saved her from likely a rape attempt, but it's also massively out of character. Jessie and James' thing is they're ultra protective of one another. My favourite of Jessie's moments usually consist of her defending James whether it's with one line of witty/badass dialogue, violence or simply her seeing the crap odds of saving him but does it anyway, she'll save him no matter what (It's Your Duty, be still my cold heart).

Yeah it sounds vain but I love Jessie because of this, so yeah, her storming off earlier and leaving him behind just because another women put her lips on him without his consent. I doubt I meant it as such, but it feels like she stormed off thinking "he didn't stop it, so he wanted it", backed up by Tani's "he kissed me back" remark. I wanna resist giving this a sexist point cos I think this is poor writing on Jessie's side and Tani's on her character assassination quest so...

"Don't lie to me. James would never fall for a slut like you," Jessie said.

Well that lasted all of five seconds.

Sexist Crap Count: 4

"Oh but I think he has," Tani said.

"No he hasn't!" Jessie screeched a little too loudly. Everyone else turned to look at her.

It gets better. Trust me.

"Why do you think that?" Tani asked.

"I've kissed him a few times myself, it doesn't mean anything," Jessie replied.

And the friendship kiss denial tool strikes again

Come on. Everyone knows that the James and Tani ship ain't gonna be built, let alone sail. If it does it'll hit an iceberg, and because no one is on it there won't be any movies made about it, no one will give a s£££. "The what ship, Tames? How dare you try to overshadow the USS J/C, SHOW SOME RESPECT TO ACTUAL TRAGEDIES."


So yeah, it's not like there's overwhelming evidence to make Jessie desperate enough to stoop to the "well I've smooched him too" so stupid it hurts proof. She doesn't even have to present anything. All Tani needs is a well earned smack in the face reality check. And maybe arresting cos forcing someone against the wall when she's sober and in her right mind (and brain messing chip-less) to make someone stay still while she violates their lips and maybe beyond, is definitely worth a Tuvok talking to at least, surely.

"And you're calling me the slut!" Tani snapped.

Sexist Crap Count: 5

Um, I'm not keen on the word. That's probably why it's used as the ultimate insult here. However, yes Tani, Jessie has some leverage to calling you one here. You however do not. Are you assuming Jessie did those kisses the same way you did and that's why? If so, then your perspective is more skewed than I thought. Or are you assuming Jessie got consent and, gasp, was smooched back, and that's why she's one in your eyes. Either way you splice it, epic fail.

It hasn't gotten to the worst part yet. Believe me. I still can't believe the later dialogue in this scene and a following one happened. Spoiler alert, I blame the "Charizard" persona for this and for once, I could buy it even though I know it never happened. You'll see soon enough.

"Look, whether you like it or not, he's mine. There's nothing that'll convince me otherwise," Tani said.

Ok no. This is not funny. Tani has issues. Stalkery, possessive issues and it's very creepy.

I'm not sure if Jessie ever refers to James as hers. And if she does, she probably says it in a more in the reversed "that's my girl" affectionate/prideful way to and/or about him. If I'm wrong please tell me and I'll reverse the charges.

But anyway, this is still old school FV which likes to pretend episodes like Resistance which took a sexual assault quite seriously, showed the perp as deranged and the characters reacting accordingly, never happened. Can you imagine this conversation going down between Simon and James? I'm sure Simon would have been off screened coma'd before the scene even started.

Actually yeah, let's swap the characters around shall we? A little experiment. I'll try to snip some of it down to make it less, bulky.

ALT F4: Resistance Failure

Morgan walked into the room, and she headed over to James' console. He was watching Simon and Jessie so he didn't notice Morgan coming over.

"Hi Jamesy, how ya doing?" Morgan asked. James wasn't paying any attention. Morgan turned to look where he was looking.

Suddenly Simon trapped Jessie against the wall, and he started kissing her! James stormed out of the room. Morgan just made her way over to Simon. She took a hold of his arm and she literally threw him off Jessie.


"I was only joking, Simon must of messed with your mind. If I were you I'd take a shower, you'll have Simon germs," Morgan said. B'Elanna walked over.

"What happened here? And where's Simon and James?" she asked.

"Who cares about Simon, he's just a slut on legs," Morgan replied.

"What about James?" B'Elanna asked.

"I don't know, he just stormed out of the room. I mean I was angry too when I saw that slut, er, doing something to Jessie," Morgan replied.


"Simon started kissing Jessie, believe it or not. I managed to stop him," Morgan said.

"Er, that's, er nice. I suspect James left because he was jealous," B'Elanna said.


"Hi Jim," Simon said and he sat down next to him.

"Go away," James muttered.

"I guess jealousy was rearing it's ugly head ten minutes ago," Simon said.

"I said go away," James said.

"Well, jealousy doesn't get you anywhere. Anyway, you shouldn't be mad at me, she was the one who kissed me," Simon said.

"Yeah right. I saw you two, you forced her into it," James said.

"Yeah, and she kissed me back," Simon said.

"She looked scared stiff," James said.

"Oh come on, you left before she did kiss me back," Simon said.

"Don't lie to me. Jessie would never fall for a slut like you," James said.

"Oh but I think she has," Simon said.

"No she hasn't!" James screeched a little too loudly. Everyone else turned to look at him.

"Why do you think that?" Simon asked.

"I've kissed her a few times myself, it doesn't mean anything," James replied.

"And you're calling me the slut!" Simon snapped.

"That's because you are," James said.

"Look, whether you like it or not, she's mine. There's nothing that'll convince me otherwise," Simon said.

Yeah um. Yeah. Jessie had a similar story only 4 episodes ago, so it's only fair to compare how Resistance and F9 deal with these mirrored storylines. It couldn't be more opposite if it tried, F9 is an utter failure. What's confusing to me is I never thought any of James' sexual abuse was lesser than Jessie's, so why did I write it like this? Why is his attack treated as a means to an end, or worse, a joke?

Another quick comparison before we get to the assume point of making James suffer, and no it's not to promote the James/Jessie ship after all. I remembered its true agenda.

The Prelude:

Jessie had an increasingly uncomfortable conversation with Simon, which escalated from him confessing love for her to her begging him to leave, and him claiming ownership.

James was approached by Tani under the pretext that she could help him work the Liger consoles. They barely exchange "you want help," and "how?"

The Attack:

Jessie's isn't shown. The scene cuts out. Morgan knows something's wrong and hurries in to see the mostly aftermath of Jessie on the sofa and an injured Simon running off. It's clear from Jessie's reaction that what happened was awful.

James' is shown. Tani traps him up against a wall and kisses him. His actions and reactions are never mentioned. The word "kissing" could easily be misinterpreted as him allowing it or even reciprocating, she only started it instead. Afterwards the only sign that he did not want it was him thanking Morgan for helping him. Which leads me to...

The Reaction:

Once Simon is gone Jessie throws her arms around James, and tightly too. In the next scene she is clearly shaken; bursting into sobs and stammering. Morgan remarks it's unlike Jessie to cry so it must've been bad.

Once Tani is gone James casually thanks his rescuer. She teases him to cheer him up and the sarcasm goes over his head, the only sign (to me anyway) that he's shaken up. The rest of his dialogue show nothing out of the ordinary.

The Best Friend's Reaction:

James pulls Simon away from Jessie and chucks him into a glass table. He claims he would've killed him if Simon stuck around. He decides to stay with Jessie to comfort her and let Security handle it.

Jessie storms out of the room while the attack's still going on. Then has a really bitter jealous spat with the attacker later on.


I'm not overreacting, am I? Maybe a bit. I'm okay that Jessie's been toned down but this is too far. It's not just her though. F9 Control Failure doesn't present James' attack in the same league as Jessie's, not even close. It's gross. Very gross. And it annoys me far more when even Jessie isn't treating it as it is, instead acting as if she has a love rival bluergh

Anyways after Tani assumes her forced kiss rape on James means she owns him for life and won't be convinced by anything, Jessie rebuffs with this:

"Really, what if he had a son?" Jessie asked.

I'd say wtf that's news to me. Is he married or dating the mum? (No). Then what's your point?? Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn

I suppose we forget Tani's a teenager, so maybe the idea of being a stepmum would put her off???

Also LOL, Jessie is so desperately deluded that she thinks Tani's already swooped James off his feet, she shares their deepest darkest secret JUST. LIKE. THAT

But Marill, she doesn't say that much.....

"He does. Me and him were drunk during the love spell, and I got pregnant," Jessie said.

Come on Jessie. What are you doing? What ARE you doing?

You don't need to do anything like this. Tani did what Simon did to you, only fortunately in a public setting so it was shut down quicker. James hasn't shown an interest in her before. He has in you though.

So why, why would you share this? What's the point? If they were actually dating this could be seen as you sabatoging the relationship, and I'd be like NOT COOL JESSIE and giving you 10-20 Sin points, but it would actually make sense. In any other situation this isn't relevant.

And furthermore, it's not like you said/lied James and I totally did the deed cos we're so in love and together, we have a kid together lawl. Cos that would make sense as you're staking your claim to him. He's taken, back off. But no, you said "we were drunk during a drugging, so clearly we did the deed not under our free will." Tani will think he's still available, cos he is. You fail at everything!

"What, you're pregnant!" Tani stuttered. Everyone turned to look at them both again.

"No, you divvy. There was an accident, so the child had to be transferred to B'Elanna, you can ask her yourself," Jessie said.

Well in Tani's *gag* defence, the last thing you said was that you were pregnant. In Jessie's though, the episode is based in June which is nine months after Love Spell. Jessie being pregnant would be a tad noticeable.

And yes Duncan was born early, two and a bit months early actually. You didn't miss anything, nothing was said.

Whut. Accident? The Laughing Hysterically Guy tripped and stabbed you in the womb, then James flipped his off screen s$$$ and stabbed him. Good lord James, get it together.

And yes, Jessie is telling Tani everything and I'm still shouting (not literally) WHY

"Are you saying Duncan's your son," Tani said.

"Yes, but don't tell Tom," Jessie said.

Yes I'm sure Tani will be more than happy to keep your secret, Jess. It's not like she sees you as a threat or anything, or can twist the story to make you seem like the only bad guy in this Tom not knowing dilemma.

Oh wait.

It's okay though cos you know she won't. Why? That's not the point of this scene.

But Marill, you've hinted the point of James having his mouth violated was so Tani knew about Duncan, not to throw shippers a bone with Jessie's jealousy. Right???????

Well.... I dunno what to tell you. Judge for youself

"Oh great, thanks for sharing. Oh crap, I've got images of you and James, doing stuff. The images, I'm blind. The images, are destroying me," Tani moaned.

Yes. That's a real quote. Written by 2001 me.

"That's cool," Jessie said.

"No it isn't, you slut," Tani said.

Sexist Crap Count: 6

I find myself wondering why this is called F9: Control Failure. Is the key jammed, has someone swapped it with something else? Has it been hijacked by Russia? That's a far more interesting story. WHAT DOES THE F9 BUTTON DO ANYWAY, I'M SO GOD DAMN CONFUSED, TELL ME!!"!31235

And yeah, another before we move on

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

Jessie will not be comfortable with any talk about her sex life until, oh Season Four/Five. Season Two Jessie would be embarrased and denial-y as f$$$ if someone said this to her.


In: "Morgan to Tani, stop thinking about a certain pair having sex, it's disgusting, quit it!"


Morgan, or rather Marill2001 wrote the S word. Remember that in Dark Mirror, it's funneh.

Morgan's telepathy also has a super duper range and can only zone in on Tani, it isn't clouded by everyone in between them. YOU'RE SUPRISED BY THIS!?!?! AHAHAHAHA

"Morgan, stop reading my mind," Tani said.

In: "It was bad enough reading your mind when you were kissing James, now this. Ugh, you know I can't control my mind reading abilities."

"Charizard, why did you write that word. You know I have a rule against it," Marill's voice said.

1) Why is Tani picturing James and Jessie together anyway? It's not a catchy pop song, it's her crush and the girl she knows he digs, that's not catchy at all. Why is that stuck in her head?

2) Okay fine, Morgan can't control her telepathy. Still, why does it happen at the worst possible times? Okay that's hypothetical, I know the answer and it's not what you think. It's basically just an idea that didn't make sense but was "funny" so was kept.

3) Oh Marill, just ** censor the damn thing if it offends you so, you poor innocent little tyke *snortgiggle*

"Morgan, is what Jessie said true?" Tani asked.

Jessie's still there, isn't she?

In: "Yeah, the guy you're in love with is a dad, sucks to be you. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an away mission to go on."

Is it? Tani may be cool with playing stepmum, you don't know


Morgan only told her off for her porn transmission. Was Tani also thinking about a kid being conceived too? If not, how does Morgan know Tani is asking about this? LOL don't be daft, past me never thought this through, she was too busy giggling and saying "see, I'm mature, I can write the S word once."

Scene's finally over and guess what. IT'S STILL NOT OVER

The Dellia F9:
Four figures dematerialised in a dark corridor. Wreckage was lying everywhere.

"I wonder what happened here," Morgan said as she looked around.

"Who cares, the main question is there any 400 year old risen from the dead people onboard?" Emma asked as she switched on her chain-saw.


"I bloody well hope not," Morgan muttered.


"It can't be as scary as Tani trying to stick her tongue down your throat. I think I need another shower after this mission," James muttered. Emma and Evil C looked at each, they giggled.

Let's skim right past James making light of his own sexual assault and carry on. I don't promise to keep calm though.

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