Marill Re-Reads Aggressions Part 1
Episode Synopsis: Janeway mysteriously gets pregnant with Chakotay's child, meanwhile the new writers try to make themselves at home and cause chaos.
Janeway mysteriously gets. Quality, gripping. Old School Fifth Voyager in a nutshell. And it wasn't the original synopsis. The original one had spoilers for Season Two within. Clearly I was gifted from the very beginning.
Written By Marill & Firera
Ah Firera. The made up fire version of the Marill Pokémon. What it should say is Written By Marill, with a few suggestions from Firera. All of FV was written by me. I sometimes had friends sitting with me while I wrote, but most of the time I'd bounce ideas off of people. I'd credit them as writers since it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
Then there's stuff like Hunters where I plain and simply lied to keep the actual other literal writers myth going. Further proof that I knew Hunters was terrible from the beginning, since I was pointing blame elsewhere. Ah... we all do sh$$$y things as little teenage brats, don't we?
It was a seemly normal day on the Bridge. Tom Paris is sitting at his station having a conversation with Harry Kim, who's also at his own station across the Bridge. Tuvok is at his console at the opposite end of the Bridge to Harry. Chakotay is in his usual place, his command chair. But for a change he wasn't fiddling with the computer on his right side.
TRIVIA TIME! Aggressions was started in script format. The first few scenes were edited to the style the series ended up in. The script was in present tense, while I prefer to write in a third person past tense.
Long story short, I did a bang up job converting the original script didn't I?
Editing and proof reading was obviously my true talent.
Buuuut seriously, what a nice way to start the series. An instant put off. Well done 15 year old Marill.
"HARRY!" Tom yelled. Harry jumped.
"What?" Harry exclaimed.
Most of my edits in the reboot is fixing these. Character reacts after another character speaks, then the next line they respond but their name is repeated. Annoys me to no end.
Also since this Re-Read was inspired by another reviewer, who I discovered originally because of another reviewer who did repetitive word counts (and funny cartoons, which I wish I could do too), I'm gonna do it. It's Season One, it wouldn't be a review of it without rip-offs.
Exclaimed Count: 1
Ah, only three paragraphs in. I'm so happy.
"Maybe, I'm just going to talk to B'Elanna," Harry stuttered. Harry walked away from his station and headed for the turbo lift. Chakotay also stood up and headed for the Ready Room.
"Tuvok, you have the bridge," Chakotay said.
"Yes, Commander," Tuvok replied.
Roll opening credits. Phew I'm so gripped by this new show. Someone's in a daze for no reason, and spoiler alert, isn't explained. You have to watch its inspiration show and know it off by heart, so TOUGH! There's this luau, whatever that is. People are leaving the Bridge for no raison! (sorry couldn't resist). Tuvok's in charge.
Hang on, wiping my brow. The excitement and intrigue is too much.
SEASON ONE!
Oh sorry, that's another separate reviewer I've ripped off. Forgive me. I'm still gonna do it though.
Scary thought, this was before FV turned insane. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
"Yeah, well. Just wait until we ask you and Chuckles to babysit. You can't leave the little guy alone for a nanosecond."
Q stood up still holding the baby.
"Well it's time to be going. The old ball and chain really hates when we're late. Well good bye, Kathy, good luck with old Chuckles," Q said. He looks at the baby. "Now say bye bye," he said to his son. Q gently rose the baby's hand up in a wave. "Bye bye!"
This scene's only mildly interesting because it came from Q and the Grey. I "love" how there's those "subtle" changes to let you know it's an AU. Q mentions Chakotay, twice. Oh I'm too clever at foreshadowing for this world.
Only, spoilers time, it doesn't make sense. The scene should be alike. No questions asked. If I was going to foreshadow and be subtle about it, maybe one of his lines could be altered to hint to the pregnancy. Nah.
"I was going to ask B'Elanna, but she went off with Vomit," Tom replied while taking a drink.
"Vomit?" Chakotay asked.
"Ensign Vorik, Chakotay. Don't you know that's the nickname that's been spreading around the ship?" Tom replied.
My sides!
Oh no, that's not fair. Joke's 15 years old and I know someone laughed at it. Aggressions was one of few episodes reviewed on fanfiction.net. Though, it's hard to detect sarcasm.
I'm already getting tired of quoting, re-aligning etc (boohoo)... so only when necessary. Lazy Marill strikes again.
Tom points the finger at Harry for the nickname, which Chakotay refutes immediately because Harry's so quiet lately. Because get it, it's Alter Ego. You should know that. If you don't, you're not a Voyager fan and you sicken me. Get out. Obviously a brand new fanfiction series would use Alter Ego for its opening scenes. It's such a classic.
Hopefully my sarcasm is easily detected. Please come back.
So anyway, quoting's probably a better idea, ahem. After Chakotay says this, people wait for a reason or a hint to why poor Harry's so quiet. But we'll never get it. It's time for the newbies.
Now, I've been negative this whole time so this'll be a nice change of pace. Craig's introduction, for what he was at the time, isn't bad. Craig's character was particularly 2 dimensional, or 1 even, when he was added. The conversation gives you a little idea what this newbie's like without looking too forced. It's good for this season.
Ooh, it's time for the most important part of the episode and the series. Blink and you'll miss it.
Tom walked up to Ensigns Simon, Johnathan Wilson and Scott.
Memorise those names. You'll be seeing them a lot. It was so sad when Wilson died in that (SPOILERS) battle in the finale. He felt like one of the family. At least Scott finally achieved his goal in the end, getting a surname. Poor Simon was gypped.
Ok, but seriously. Aggressions was a pilot episode, and to be fair to it, it isn't the only one to do something like this. Basically, Simon, Johnathan and Scott didn't impress the test "audience". They were meant to be what Foster, Thompson, Sid, Evil C/Clive ended up being; regulars who'd stick around a while but would never be around enough to be MC's. I gave none of them a chance really. Simon got to show off his dodgy accent, Johnathan was super psyched that he was the only one with a full name, I assume, and Scott moped about his surname being eaten. Chin up Scottyboy, you've got a long difficult road ahead of you.
We'll never really know what Scott was huffing about, so I'm gonna make the surname thing official. So nyeh! Deal with it. Or what accent Simon sounded like as he only said one little word. Johnathan will forever have a grin plastered to his face. Because the true point of the story is here and it's...
Kathryn had entered the holodeck. Her hair was down but it had been cut to her shoulders. Craig noticed and he fiddled with his PADD. Tom noticed Craig and shook his head. Tom ran over to Chakotay who hadn't noticed her arrival.
"Hey, Commander, I think your date has arrived," Tom said.
"What are you talking about, Paris?" Chakotay asked.
F%%% yeah J/C shipping! Janeway's gone Season Four bob haircut on us too, so we know it's gonna be good. Brace yourselves, this fanfiction is gonna get wild.
Now the reason for Alter Ego becomes clear. Nobody will forget the arm holding moment. It's so squeeworthy. Standby for dream CPR, it's the closest we've got to a kiss scene, don't take it from us *sobs*. Coda!
I love how the next scene starts with telling us about Tuvok and Marayna, as if readers are supposed to remember Alter Ego again. But what I love more is Fifth Voyager drunk scenes. Can't get enough. For the moment I'm not being sarcastic, Tom's drunk scenes are a thing of beauty. But first!
"No, don't look at that!" Craig exclaimed.
Exclaimed Count: 2
What does exclaimed mean? Looking at Microsoft Works for an simple explanation: cry out, cry, shout, call out, call, yell.
Hmm, aaah, fine. I'm sure Season One used this word right at least once, and here it is. Not taking it off though. It's Fifth Voyager's chagrined, or murmured if you'd prefer.
Now, my drunk scenes suck but as I've hinted already, Tom's in Aggressions just tickles me. It's why it's referenced at every possible opportunity. Five recounts some of what you didn't see, while B4FV episode Grove of H'Taria takes full advantage of its being based around Alter Ego (and Aggressions' opening) as much as it can.
Reboot Aggression was kind enough to leave it mostly intact, only adding a tiny bit extra to the joke.
Moving on. I am slightly impressed that I actually wrote the flirty almost kiss J/C scene. Back in the olden days I loooved to ship couples and read fanfiction, but when it came to writing my own scenes I'd come down with a bizarre case of the "eeew love scenes are grosssss!" disease. I'd either simplify it, with !'s to show that it's shocking, or switch to another person for their reaction. James and Jessie's earlier kissing scenes are a funny thing to behold, as are their infantile denials about everything.
Tom was a little late to this party, but I know my first idea for J/C was to keep interrupting them. It doesn't count as a weaseling out of a love scene, it's there as it should be. It's so shocking, I'm gonna start a new count metre, but first.
Exclaimed Count: 3
Supposed to Happen Count: 1
Of course I still have a gripe about Tom's scene. We know he's yelling, because the text says so and the !'s. All caps just to make sure. I'm very surprised the magic word isn't here as well to really hammer it in.
Though I still giggle at his "you both love me" rant.
And... holy moly. There's actually a kiss. There's actually a kiss scene, and it's not got an exclamation mark on or anything.
So when I lost my mind in Part 2, I also regressed to a five year old kid scrunching my face up at gross kissing. That... explains... so... much!
I also contradicted myself with the near-miss comment. I don't remember this scene. I assume it was planned in, but it goes against the almost theme I almost did for this season. WHAT DO I DO?
Screw it. -1 for breaking the near miss idea, but +1 as I wouldn't have put that in if it wasn't already in the plot. So:
Supposed to Happen Count: 1 (bwahahaha I'm such a cheater)
Tuvok walked out of the holodeck and deactivated the program with Tom still lying on the floor.
*snort* genuine laugh. I could see Tuvok doing exactly this.
"Kathryn, can I ask you something?" Chakotay asked finally. She nodded.
"Why did you apologise for what happened on the holodeck?" he asked.
Why are these lines separated!? They're both Chakotay's lines.
"I still don't understand why you apologized though," Chakotay said.
Ooooohhhhhhhh, no you did-ant! Bad 15 year old me. *bats newspaper on nose* You did not let the American spell check win, did you? Oh you did. Bad mouse. No Edam for you.
It occurs to me that Season One's craziness is infectious. I'm gonna have to label this season with a health warning and we're not even on Part 2 yet 0_0
Oh who cares, it's time for CODA. Yeah! J/C stuff that doesn't actually happen, but who cares Chakotay cries and hugs her death scene *sad high five with air*
No surprise, I've not changed a thing after the awkward "why did you kiss me," and "I don't know" conversation James and Jessie stole twice in Holo Q and then later/before in B4FV1. Don't look at me like that, originality wasn't my thing then.
What's that ** for? Is that what I used to break up scenes without labelling the location or time? Sigh.
Still... no... change. Coda cannot be altered. It is a sin. If you commit it, you are no J/C shipper of mine.
Oh never mind, a meanwhile on Voyager scene. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I feel like it's good as it's something I still do, show what's happening elsewhere in original episodes. Bad as unlike them it doesn't really need the scene, it adds nothing new to Coda.
More **
Craig's at Tactical. Craig's at Tactical? Tuvok's on the Bridge. Why? No one will ever know.
Tom gave Harry a shocked look. Harry looked shocked as well. They could tell by Chakotay's voice that something bad had happened to the Captain.
(intermission)
Harry's eyes widened, he was right. Tom looked totally shocked. Craig looked like he was ready to cry.
(and again)
Harry gave Craig a mean look as Craig still looked shocked.
Are they shocked? The narration's giving me nothing I can work with. THERE ARE OTHER WORDS TO DESCRIBE THINGS!
The episode continues to show what's happening while original scenes are playing out, again something I do like doing. If it wasn't for the repetition, it would actually be fine since it shows how the bridge crew feels about the Captain. Badly though.
They're shocked, shocked I tell you.
"I was about to ask you the same question, Commander," Tuvok said.
Oh snap.
Wait, was that a burn? It's the closest thing we have to witty dialogue. I'll take it.
"I'm fine, but Kathryn's not," Chakotay said. Tuvok raised his eye brow at Chakotay's use of the Captains first name.
This isn't a J/C fanfiction overusing the first name thing. Coda has him refer to her as Kathryn in the real scenes too. Anyway I like this little attention to detail. It's rare at this time. Also "eye brow" oops.
Should I do an eyebrow count? I'm thinking this is more of a Reboot Season One thing than Original.
"I don't know," the Doctor said, he was already getting sick of Chakotay.
Oh sn... wait, I've done this already. Jokes aside, Season One's one of many problems was the stilted descriptions of everything. He said. She exclaimed. He walked over and sat down. I'm happily surprised to see two examples of not doing that in one scene here. Yes it's a third person narrative, you don't hear their thoughts, but there's room for little descriptions like this. It's very "tell" and not "show" but it's better than "the Doctor said impatiently".
That leads to another complaint. This follows immediately after the above.
"Will you be able to remove it, Doctor," Chakotay asked. The Doctor sighed, he continued to work by ignoring Chakotay.
I dunno, other than the missing question mark, I can't put my finger on this one. It bothers me.
"This better be important," Chakotay muttered. Tuvok & Chakotay stood up and walked away, giving the Doctor some quiet.
"Commander, I know that you're upset, but irritating the Doctor isn't going to help her," Tuvok said.
Somebody get Chakotay a burn heal. And also give Tuvok an in character injection. I can't see him saying irritating.
Oh and are we already due for a muttered word count? I dunno if the Internet can handle a number that big. Thank you Firefox for the Find and number of matches option, you're a peach.
Muttered Count: 4 (out of 5 for Part 1 apparently... omg SPOILERS)
Oop, original scenes are over. We're back to Coda's, word for word. Yay. You can tell because of the technobabble and in character dialogue. Oh snap, I've burned myself.
TWO MINUTES LATER
Okay, remember that nice for me comment about filling in what's happening at the same time original scenes are? Clearly I couldn't be bothered anymore here. All I needed was one sodding line to separate the Doctor's two speech lines. It didn't have to be speech. It didn't even have to be separated. I could've simply done this:
"Directive synaptic stimulation might drive out the alien presence," the Doctor said. His tricorder flared up once more. "Something's happening, the alien presence is getting stronger again!"
Too much like hard work.
"Ill have to try a phoron pulse," the Doctor said. The Doctor picked up a medical instrument and he started using it on Kathryn. A few minutes later, Kathryn started to wake up, the Doctor scanned her.
I'm sniggering, oh dear.
Ill instead of I'll. Ah, the classic it's not caught in a spell check because it's still a word mistake. Lawl. Nothing ever changes.
Also some consistency would be nice. A scene break for one "two minutes later", but within the same paragraph sentence for a "few minutes later".
What a newb.
Oh wait, I was a newb. Moving on.
"My father...the alien, it wanted to take me to another place," Kathryn replied.
"Another place. Some kind of afterlife?" Chakotay asked.
"Maybe, but I can tell you this, it certainly didn't look like a place I would want to spend eternity," Kathryn said.
Yeah yeah, we all saw what "really" happened, which is nice, it changes things. However Kathryn's version of the events summed up exactly the same way? All it'll do is make people want to see it instead of what they got. If they hadn't already, but you understand what I mean right? All the readers got was the Doctor treating Janeway, Chakotay panicking and Tuvok raising his eyebrow and delivering burns, while Janeway hints to a much more interesting story. Hardly series premiere material.
Aggressions also hasn't changed anything after the luau conversation, so all in all, it's pointless. Spoiler alert - it also has nothing to do with Aggressions overall plot. It's an excuse to use Coda. Coda is used to set up Aggressions point, when literally ANY episode would do the trick in the same way as it, I repeat, does not contribute to anything whatsoever. The next scene could follow Blood Fever or the planet lift episode and it would be exactly the same.
"All right," Chakotay replied. The Doctor walked towards his office, Chakotay followed.
"Kes, do you have any idea what that was all about?" Kathryn asked.
"No idea, Captain," Kes replied. "You'll probably find out eventually."
"I hope so," Kathryn said. Chakotay and the Doctor walked out of the office.
"What was that all about?" Kathryn asked. The Doctor nodded at Chakotay.
"I don't know how to tell you this, Kathryn but... you're pregnant... with my child," Chakotay muttered.
DUN DUN DUN!
You saw that coming a mile off. My reaction to the cliffhanger, not the cliffhanger itself. Oh wait, you saw that too? How did you know? Oh yeah the synopsis gave it away and what??? It's a J/C fanfiction. Well I never. What a stinking lie that is.
Ahem. I got a few things to say about this chunk, that's why I quoted the whole thing.
My first thought reading this was... Why is Chakotay told first?
I mean what? So many issues with this:
1. If you're going to tell anyone, it should be the mother. You know the one who's pregnant.
2. Way to jump to conclusions that it's Chakotay's baby. You can't tell its DNA with a tricorder scan, right? The Doc just assumed it was his. S2 spoilers, at least the Doc had the courtesy of not immediately jumping to the conclusion that Jessie's baby was James'. I mean both times it was, but hey?
3. Seriously, if point 2 is right, then why not tell them both at the same time? Why the secrecy? Is Kes a gossip hound and Janeway is too weak to move? TELL KES TO GTFO. Ohno, that would make her think she has to leave the series. Forget that.
I'd like to imagine the Doctor was terrified at the thought of a Janeway kid, but couldn't say anything to her, so got Chakotay alone to slap him. All while shouting "what have you done!" Oh sorry, exclaiming.
Second thought was the age old FV problem still going on today. The plot doesn't really kick off till the end of part 1. Fair enough the episode needs setting up but does it really? Janeway's pregnancy doesn't need the luau plot, it doesn't need Coda as I've mentioned before. BUT WAIT, okay maybe I'm too harsh. I know it's in Janeway's character to avoid going to Sickbay for minor complaints, she did kinda need Coda so she'd be in Sickbay to find this out.
As usual, I spend far too much time on dialogue and that almost always leads to plots being delayed. Though in fairness, Aggressions was planned to be like this, I remember that much.
Supposed to Happen Count: 2
Maybe I should change that to "Suppose to Happen Count" so it's in the full S1 spirit.
Suppose to Happen Count: 2
Better. I already have muttered and exclaimed, I'm not doing anymore. I'm sorry to disappoint everyone looking forward to the Just count. There's too many already and I have an idea for one revolving around Morgan later.
Third thought while we're on the subject.
Muttered Count: 5
My fourth one is the weird way Chakotay announces the news. It screams "pause for dramatic cliffhanger effect". It's not subtle in the slightest. It being written text doesn't help either.
##############
With that over, let's run through the statistics cos why not?
Marill's Rating: 7/10
Now compared to later seasons, this isn't a 7/10 "episode". I don't mean it'll plummet down to 1/10 because of Part 2 (very likely), I mean for a Season One episode it's 7/10. Aggressions Part 1 does what it set out to do, has a few chuckle(s) moments, and is probably the sanest episode of the season. Although it loses points for being a little dull at times and for copying original Voyager scenes word for word.
Oh and the pregnancy reveal at the end took one whole point off my score. Ouch.
Exclaimed Count: 3
Muttered Count: 5
Suppose to Happen Count: 2
Stay tuned for my descent into madness - again - as I re-read Part 2. Oh the humanity.
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