Episode Synopsis
An alien ship attacks Voyager and the aliens board Voyager. They torture crewmembers to get the password for the screensaver that seems to have overwhelmed Voyager

Guest Stars
Marill as herself
Raichu as herself
Togepi as herself
Marill's sister as herself

Written By
Marill, Raichu & Togepi

Written
15th April 2001

Edited
14th January 2005

Episode Based In
June 2376 (late season 6)

 
The Mess Hall:
"What video?" Morgan muttered as she drank her Cherry Coke. Tani and Craig were sitting with her, bored to tears. Tom was holding a futuristic video camera.

"Well do you remember your mum's birthday party a month ago?" Tom asked.

"How could I forget," Morgan muttered.

"Ohno, here comes the flashback," Tani groaned.

*Flashback*
The song 'Buzz' by Steps was on. Most of the people in the room were drunk. Morgan was sitting at the table with an angel ring around her head, totally sober.

"Come on Morgan, lets go and wreck Tom's quarters," Tani said in a slurry voice.

"No thanks, that's horrible," Morgan said politely.

"Okay then," Tani said and she 'walked' away.

*End of flashback*

"Er Morgan, that story was not accurate," Tani groaned.

"In what way was it not accurate?" Morgan asked.

"It was a load of bulls***!" Tani snapped.

"Yeah, you an angel.. wait a minute. Did Tani really wreck my quarters?" Tom asked.

"She's my angel," Craig said in a dreamy voice.

"Oh great, he's turned back to normal Craig," Morgan groaned.

"Wow, he was normal for one entire episode," Tani said.

"I'll get the Fair Haven program on again," Tom said.

Everyone but Morgan, Craig and Tani rushed out of the room in panic.

"I don't think so, Tommy boy. I've never seen so much of a rush since Neelix introduced Tribble Stew," Morgan muttered.

"Er Tom, what were you going to say about the party?" Tani asked.

"Oh yeah. I filmed bits of the party right, and I've finally got the video up and running because somebody smashed it on the same night," Tom said.

"Must of been when I.. er Tani wrecked your quarters," Morgan muttered.

"I doubt it, I still had my video in one piece when I discovered the mess in my quarters," Tom muttered.

"Yeah. So, what's on the vid?" Craig asked.

"I'll show you when our dear sober Jessie and James come," Tom said. Right on cue the pair walked into the empty mess hall.

"Where's everyone gone?" James asked.

"Tom must of been threatening everyone with that Fair Haven program again," Jessie muttered.

"Oh hi guys. Guess what, I've got this video of the Captain's birthday party," Tom said.

"That must of been the scare," James muttered.

"Shut up! Anyway, a few of you are the stars, so are you coming to watch?" Tom asked.

"There's nothing to worry about. I've never touched a drink since Tom's Fair Hell," Jessie said.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Tom whispered.

The Bridge, ten minutes later:
"Where's Tom?" Kathryn asked.

"I dunno," Harry muttered. Morgan, Craig, Jessie and James entered the Bridge. Morgan pushed Seven away from her usual spot. Craig took Tom's post. Jessie and James went to their engineering console.

"Have you guys seen Tom?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah actually," James muttered. Morgan and Craig burst out laughing.

"Last time I saw him he was lying in Sickbay," Jessie said angrily.

"Jessie, don't tell me you've been beating him up again," Kathryn said.

"It's gone public," Morgan muttered.

"What does that mean?" Kathryn asked.

"If he keeps going on the way he does, everyone will be wanting to kill him," Craig said.

"What happened this time?" Chakotay groaned.

"He video taped the Captain's birthday party," Morgan replied.

"No wonder I couldn't remember what happened in the party. That jerk spiked the Cherry Coke," Jessie muttered.

"Oh I see. He video taped everyone who was drunk," Kathryn said.

"I hate to interrupt but there's a strange ship heading our way," Harry said.

"On screen," Kathryn ordered. The flying through space screensaver was on. A mouse cursor started moving around and a little box appeared.

"Oh s***! Who put the password on?" Chakotay asked.

"Er, it was me," Kathryn muttered.

"Well put in the password," Chakotay said.

"I can't, I was hyper at the time and I can't remember the password," Kathryn muttered. Everyone collapsed in Pokémon style.

"What's the ship doing now, Harry?" Chakotay groaned.

"Er, I think it's powering weapons," Harry replied.

"Shields to full!" Kathryn ordered.

"I can't, somebody has put the password on my screensaver too," Tuvok said.

"For crying out loud! Why did you let the screensaver come on?" Chakotay yelled.

"The writers had to think of some way for the aliens to break through the shields," Tuvok replied.

"At least they're thinking up new ideas," Craig muttered.

"Yeah and they're terrible," Morgan groaned.

"I think our shields are down," Tuvok said.

"How did you figure that out?" Chakotay asked.

"Well my computer without the screensaver said that we have intruders on deck eleven to fifteen," Tuvok replied.

Tom, with several cuts and bruises, ran onto the Bridge followed by the Doctor.

"Captain what's going on? Why has my computer gone on the screensaver," the Doctor asked. Kathryn looked innocent.

"You don't want to know, Doc. Tuvok get security down to those decks," Chakotay said. Tuvok nodded and he left the Bridge.

"Craig, you can take tactical. And get that bloody screensaver off!" Chakotay yelled.

"Yes sir," Craig said and he rushed over to Tuvok's station. Tom went to his own station.

"The aliens have breached Engineering," Harry said.

"Ohno! B'Elanna's down there," Tom cried.

"I bet we all wish it was the other way round," James muttered.

"What was that?" Tom asked.

"Tom, join Tuvok in Engineering," Kathryn ordered. Tom rushed off the Bridge.

"You too Seven," Chakotay said. Seven followed Tom into the turbolift.

"Status of their ship Harry?" Chakotay asked.

"Their shields aren't working either, looks like they've got the screensaver problem. Their weapons and transporters are offline," Harry said.

"How many people have they got on our ship, Craig?" Kathryn asked.

"About one hundred and twenty," Craig muttered.

"Uhoh, we're in trouble," Morgan muttered.

Deck Ten:
"Naomi, where is this shuttlebay? I wanna play with the Delta Flyer," Kiara moaned as she and Naomi were running through the corridors. They reached the shuttlebay doors.

"Here," Naomi muttered. The door opened and they screamed. Three big alien blokes were staring down at them holding phaser rifles.

"Come with us," one of them said. The other two grabbed the two girl's arms and they all disappeared back into the shuttlebay.

Engineering:
"Hahahaha, look at that one, she has funny markings on her head," an alien laughed.

"Haha, you've got dirt marks on your face," B'Elanna muttered angrily.

"Hahaha, put her with the others," the alien muttered. Another alien grabbed B'Elanna by her arms and he dragged her to where the other staff were being held hostage.

"Makinan to Commander Xan, we've entered the tenth deck. Should we proceed to the ninth," a voice said over the intercom.

"Have you found a good place for prison?" the alien replied.

"Yes, I've found a shuttle bay and a cargo area."

"Set up everything in the cargo area," Xan said.

"Yes Commander."

"You may proceed to the ninth deck," Xan said. An alien woman walked up to Xan.

"Xan, should I go now," she asked.

"That would be a good idea. You can start with these people," Xan replied. The woman nodded. She walked out of Engineering. The other aliens dragged everyone to their feet and they pushed them out of Engineering.

The Bridge:
Tuvok and Seven walked onto the Bridge.

"Captain, Engineering has been taken over," Tuvok said.

"How many main characters have been taken?" Kathryn asked.

"Hmm, B'Elanna & Triah were in Engineering, so that's two," Seven said.

"Tom disappeared, so that's three. Nobody has seen Kiara and Naomi yet so that's five all together," Tuvok replied.

"Damn, five out of seventeen. Wait a minute, where is Tani and Neelix?" Chakotay asked.

"Er make that seven," Seven said.

"Neelix should be still in the Mess Hall hiding in his kitchen," Jessie said.

"Why do you think that?" Kathryn asked.

"Fair Haven scares the s**t out of people, everyone who was in the Mess Hall when Tom mentioned it are still hiding in their quarters," Jessie replied.

"Okay then, six," Tuvok said.

"You two go and find out where the aliens are keeping the main characters, er I mean the crew that have been taken captive," Kathryn ordered.

"And don't make it eight," Chakotay said. Both of them nodded and they left the Bridge.

"Oh god, what will happen if the aliens got a hold of all seventeen of us?" Morgan asked.

"There would be no main cast to rescue us so convenient guest stars would have to rescue us," Harry replied. Everyone shuddered in fear.

"We're never going to have an episode like 'Basics' again," Kathryn said.

"It's ok, Tom's not around," Jessie said.

"At least that's something to be thankful for," Morgan muttered.

The Cargo Bay that's conveniently on Deck Ten:
The alien woman and Makinan hovered near by their captives.

"Who should we take first?" the woman asked.

"I don't know Pearla, all of them look like they'll be fun to torture," Makinan replied.

"I pick the one with the scruffy short blondish hair," Pearla said.

"Which one?" Makinan asked.

"There is only three main characters with scruffy short blondish hair and we only have one of them here," Pearla said angrily.

"Oh," Makinan muttered. He grabbed Tom's arm and he dragged him with him. Pearla followed them to a little section of the cargo bay that was out of sight. They now had a surgery bed there with lots of strange equipment near by. Makinan strapped Tom to the bed. Pearla picked up a strange needle.

"Here you go cutie," she said as she injected the needle into Tom's arm. He screamed in pain. "That acid will hurt for a little while. Now what should I use," Pearla muttered as she looked at her equipment. She picked up a strange knife. She stared at it for a couple of seconds and she dropped it. It's point landed right in Tom's hand. "Ooops," she muttered. She picked the knife back up and she rested it on Tom's cheek.

"Sorry about that sweet cheeks. Speaking of cheeks," she muttered. She slit his cheek with the knife. Blood started pouring from his cheek. "Now, you will tell me the password for this screensaver of yours or you'll have a lot more than a cut on your face," she said.

Somewhere safe on Voyager:
"Why are you being nasty to my Tommy?" Togepi asked.

"Cos it's fun," Raichu replied with an evil grin on her face.

"But it's my Tommy," Togepi moaned.

"Don't worry, Chuckles and Harry will get it too," Marill said. Nichola appeared out of nowhere.

"What are you up to then you boring people?" Nichola asked.

"We're not boring, we're kinda hyper actually," Raichu said.

"Tell them, they're being nasty to my Tommy," Togepi moaned.

"You call that nasty?" Nichola asked as she read the torture scene.

"Well we have to keep it a PG or 12," Marill muttered.

"Yeah, no matter how much it hurts, we can't give proper torture to Tom," Raichu muttered.

"Oh well, I'd better go, younger ones, I shall bother you no more," Nichola said.

"Are you going to torture my Tommy anymore?" Togepi asked.

"Why do you want more?" Marill asked.

"No!" Togepi screamed as Raichu and Marill burst into evil laughter. Well more like hyper laughter.

The Bridge:
"Seven and Tuvok have been captured," Harry said.

"Damn! How did you find out," Kathryn asked.

"It's just another hunch," Harry replied.

"Bingo, I've got a plan," Chakotay said.

"If it involves you and shuttlecrafts I don't want to know," Morgan muttered.

"No it doesn't. Anyway, if we can get transporters online we can transport the entire alien crew back onto their ship," Chakotay said.

"Probably by the time we get transporters online their shields will be working," Jessie said.

"Anyway the only way we can get transporters online is to get to Engineering. These damn screensavers seem to have overthrown the ship," Craig said.

"Hmm, do we have any volunteers?" Chakotay asked.

"Volunteers for what?" Kathryn asked.

"Volunteers for a dangerous mission to gain control of Engineering," Chakotay replied.

"You're crazy, Engineering is heavily guarded by those alien guys," Morgan said.

"Anybody volunteer?" Chakotay asked.

"I volunteer, I'm going crazy because of the screensaver on the viewscreen," Harry said.

"I volunteer as well," Craig said boldly.

"Great, we'll get some weapons from the locker," Chakotay said. He, Harry & Craig left the Bridge.

"Looks like it's eleven," Morgan muttered.

Deck Nine:
Chakotay, Harry & Craig waited around a corner. Other people that weren't on the guest star list waited behind them. There were about six aliens hanging around with phaser rifles.

"Now," Chakotay whispered. Everyone jumped out and started shooting. The aliens started shooting back extremely quickly. Three of the aliens went down. The gueststars went down quickly. There were only three of them left.

"Ooh, some more main characters, lets get em!" one alien said. They all fired at once at the three main characters. After a few shots Harry and Craig were lying unconscious on the floor. The three guest stars ran away in fear.

"Damn, who couldn't tell that this was coming?" Chakotay asked. The aliens shot at him and he fell to the ground.

The Cargo Bay:
The three aliens dragged their new prisoners into the room. They put them with their other captives. Pearla and Makinan dragged Tom from their torture bed and they dumped him on the floor. He had severe cuts all over his body, his hand a severe hole where the knife stabbed him. B'Elanna rushed over to Tom.

"What the hell have you done to him?" B'Elanna asked angrily.

"What do you think we've done, we tortured him," Pearla said in a sarcastic tone.

"But why, it isn't logical," Tuvok said.

"Everything isn't logical with him," Tani muttered.

"We need the password for your screensavers and he didn't want to tell me it. Okay then, who's next?" Pearla muttered.

"Maybe we should try one of the new characters. We've had one original character," Makinan said.

"Good idea, I'll have that girl with the short hair," Pearla said as she pointed at Tani.

"Oh s**t!" Tani muttered as Makinan dragged her to her feet. She struggled against his grip but another alien aimed a rifle at her. Pearla followed Makinan to the torture area.

"Why do they want the password for the screensaver?" Triah asked.

"The screensavers are the thing for this episode. The writers thought it would be funny to have screensavers on all the consoles. The aliens mustn't be able to control the ship because the screensavers are on," Seven replied.

"Only the Captain knows the password, or at least she did," Tuvok said.

"That's just great," Triah muttered.

"Actually it is, those aliens won't be able to crack the password on their own," B'Elanna said.

"Yeah but we'll all be tortured until they get it and they won't get it," Triah moaned.

"She's right," Kiara moaned.

"Don't worry, I'm sure the Captain will be able to think up a plan to get the ship back," B'Elanna said.

The Bridge:
"Any ideas?" Kathryn asked.

"Maybe we should send the Doc to Engineering. They won't be able to shoot him because he's a hologram," Jessie said.

"But what about his mobile emitter? Wont they shoot that?" Morgan asked.

"Maybe somebody should go with him to make sure that doesn't happen," James said.

"Great, thirteen," Morgan muttered.

"Make that none, I have another idea. We can send the Doctor down there with at least two escorts..."

"Fourteen down three to go," Morgan muttered.

"Shut up! Anyway while they create a distraction, the rest of us sneak into Engineering to get the transporters online," Kathryn said.

"Oooh, that's original, oh by the way, sixteen," Morgan muttered. Everyone jumped when they heard a bang coming from the turbolift. The door started to open but it got stuck.

"Help! The screensaver's on," Neelix's voice yelled. Morgan and Kathryn walked over to the door and they managed to pull it open. Neelix stepped out. "What on earth is going on, Captain?" Neelix asked.

"The screensaver part or the alien part?" Kathryn asked.

"Both," Neelix muttered.

"Aliens have took over the ship and taken eleven main characters captive. We're the only ones left. Plus the screensavers are making this situation more difficult than it should be," Kathryn said.

"I just thought of something. Wont the screensavers be on in Engineering?" Morgan asked. Everyone stared oddly at her.

"I doubt it. The writers are in a hurry and they haven't got time to write a good plot. Anyway even if the screensavers are on the Captain will probably conveniently remember the password," Jessie said.

"That's right. Welcome to the unsophisticated world of Fifth Voyager," Kathryn said.

"Hmm, sometimes it is handy to be in this dodgy show," Morgan muttered.

"Now that we've got that settled who will be the Doctor's escorts?" Kathryn asked.

"Which is less dangerous?" James asked.

"The escorting," Morgan lied.

"We'll do that, right Jess," James said.

"Yep. We'll be safe while you suckers get hurt," Jessie replied.

Kathryn, Morgan and Neelix laughed amongst themselves. The Doctor walked up to his escorts.

"Crewman, Ensign. I think you've both been tricked," the Doctor whispered. The pair glanced at each other.

"Oh s***!" they both grumbled.

The Cargo Bay:
After only twenty minutes most of the main cast were lying or sitting with severe cuts and stab wounds. Pearla was looking a little ticked off.

"You would think that they would of cracked by now!" Pearla moaned.

"Maybe we need some cowards, is there any in the main cast?" Makinan asked.

"Supposable there are two that are as cowardly as two to five year old kids," Pearla replied.

"Hey!" Kiara and Naomi muttered.

"Are you sure that it's not those two kids," Makinan asked,

"No, I do not torture kids. Anyway I'm sure that these two crewman are not kids," Pearla replied.

"I wonder who that could be," Tom muttered.

"Hmm, I wonder," Harry said sarcastically.

"Makinan, go and find them," Pearla ordered.

"But I don't know what they look like," Makinan muttered.

"Neither do I. Just look for them, cowards are easily noticed," Pearla said angrily.

Deck Eleven:
"Why did we have to get suckered into doing this," James muttered as he, Jessie and the Doctor walked down the corridor. Both were on the Doctor's right side, covering the emitter.

"Because Morgan is a b**ch, that's why, she'll be dead when this is all over," Jessie muttered.

"Would you two keep it down, the aliens will know we're here before we get to Engineering," the Doctor muttered.

"Hey Doc, you would look great in a Teletubbie costume," James said.

"I'll be quiet," the Doctor muttered.

The Jeffries Tube nearby Engineering:
"Why are we using the Doc as a distraction for, we're already inside Engineering," Neelix asked.

"We're not inside yet. Besides the Doc will distract the people inside Engineering so we can get in un noticed," Kathryn replied.

"Oh I see," Neelix muttered.

Outside Engineering:
Jessie, James and the Doctor hid around the corner just outside Engineering.

"I don't believe it!" Jessie grumbled.

"That's heavily guarded? I'd love to know what lightly guarded is," James muttered. There was only one guard outside Engineering's door.

"This shouldn't be too hard," Jessie said and she fired her phaser at the guard. He fell to the ground. The three walked into the room and several aliens were waiting for them inside. All of them were aiming phaser rifles at them.

"Is it too late to back off?" James asked.

"I wish it wasn't," Jessie muttered. The Doctor rolled his eyes at them. Pearla & Makinan walked in between the aliens.

"So you think these are them Makinan?" Pearla asked.

"Dunno," Makinan muttered.

"Take them away. We haven't got much time so you can interrogate the girl and I'll have this cutie," Pearla said.

"What about the hologram?" Makinan asked.

"Get into his matrix. He may have the password in his memory banks," Pearla replied.

"Er you can't do that because.. er," Jessie stuttered.

"Because he's rigged to explode," James said quickly. The Doctor groaned.

"Oh, you people are far more intelligent than I thought. Tell me cutie, how do I disable the bomb," Pearla asked.

"Miss, who are you talking too. I hope it's not the Doc," James said as he glanced around the room.

"You darling," Pearla replied. What she didn't know was that Kathryn, Morgan and Neelix had snuck in behind their backs and they were fiddling with a console.

"You can't disable the bomb, it'll stay there until it explodes," Jessie said.

"I wasn't asking you. Oh well, we'll just have to find a way to disable it then, won't we Makinan," Pearla said.

"Didn't you hear me?" Jessie asked angrily.

"Yes dear. Makinan, take her away. Leave me alone with this cutie," Pearla said.

"But you haven't got a weapon," Makinan said.

"He doesn't strike me as someone who'll use a phaser rifle," Pearla said.

"Look, if he stays, I stay," Jessie said as Makinan took away her rifle and put it on the console. Meanwhile Kathryn was close to hitting the computer.

"This bloody screensaver is getting on my wick!" Kathryn whispered.

"This would be a good time for something convenient to happen," Morgan whispered.

"You don't scare me you blue haired witch. Makinan, take her away, and give her a little more punishment than the others," Pearla said.

"BINGO! I've just remembered the password!" Kathryn loudly blurted out. The aliens turned around quickly.

"Uhoh, now you've done it mum," Morgan groaned.

"Morgan, Neelix keep them occupied," Kathryn said quickly as she quickly typed in the password.

"Er.. mum, we didn't bring any weapons," Morgan muttered.

"Why not?" Kathryn asked.

"We didn't feel it was necessary," Neelix replied. The aliens headed towards the three while Makinan kept a tight hold on Jessie.

"Quickly," Morgan said.

"I'm going as fast as I can," Kathryn said. She tapped into the transporters. Suddenly Pearla fell to the ground. Makinan and Jessie just stared at her in shock.

"Er.. who did that?" Makinan asked. He and Jessie looked over to James who was looking rather guilty. "You b****rd! You killed her!" Makinan yelled. With his other arm he aimed his phaser rifle at him. Suddenly he felt a small phaser at his own head.

"Don't even think about it fatty," Jessie said. She pressed the button on the phaser and Makinan fell to the floor.

"Jess, where did you get that phaser from?" James asked. She looked at the Doctor.

"You think that I would come unarmed?" the Doctor asked. The other aliens continued to make their way towards Kathryn, Morgan & Neelix.

"I got it, energising," Kathryn said happily. Suddenly all the aliens including Pearla and Makinan beamed away.

"I think we'd better get back to the Bridge and get tactical back online," Morgan said.

"It'd be quicker if you told us the password," the Doctor said.

"It was Janeway," Kathryn said happily. Everyone collapsed in Pokémon style again.

Two days later:

Captains Log Supplemental: We managed to defeat our alien captives and we're taking them back to their homeworld for punishment. Right now everyone is disabling the screensaver option on the main computer.

"Sickbay to Bridge. More of my patients are fit for duty."

"Good work Doctor," Kathryn said. Tom rushed onto the Bridge holding a video.

"Ohno, not again," Jessie groaned.

"Okay, who wants to see what happened at the Captain's birthday party?" Tom asked. A tricorder was thrown into his face and he fell to the ground. Everyone looked Jessie and James' way.

"What?" they both said innocently.

****THE END****

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