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Episode Synopsis
The Cherry Coke addicts find themselves in a spot of bother when the entire supply is spiked, causing chaos for the others.

Written
12th, 14th, 16th & 19th December 2004

Episode Based In
June 2372 (early season 3)

The Ready Room:
Kathryn walked over to the replicator, "coffee, black."

"Warning. This substance has been ordered more times than the recommended amount, so it has been restricted for twelve hours."

Kathryn looked confused, "but, this hasn't happened before. What's going on?"

The bridge:
Danny stepped out of the turbolift, her face cringed. "My god Janeway, that coffee smell shouldn't be this bad until at least afternoon."

Chakotay stood up to glance over at her, "it's not her fault, she hasn't even left the Ready Room yet."

"Then who is drinking so much?" Danny asked.

Chakotay beckoned his head in Jessie's direction. She was busy working, on a glass cup of café latte.

Danny eyed her, "she doesn't like coffee, can't be her."

Jessie looked up, "what, what, I'm listening."

Danny made her way over, "what are you drinking?"

"Café latte, James introduced me to it. It's nice," Jessie replied.

"That's coffee right?" Danny muttered, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it surprised me too. I had one, and now I can't stop," Jessie replied.

"And James just told you what to get?" Danny questioned.

"No, he ordered it but he had to leave, so I finished it," Jessie replied. She had another sip of her coffee, "it's not strong enough though, but it's a start."

"Uh huh, weird," Danny muttered as she headed over to the science station.

Kathryn stepped out of her Ready Room. "Chakotay, who's been ordering so much coffee lately." She started sniffing the air, her eyes widened, "they're here."

Chakotay sighed, "it's Jessie."

"What?" Kathryn stuttered.

Chakotay mouthed, "caffeine craving."

"But I never got that," Kathryn moaned.

Chakotay stared blankly at her, "that's probably cos your body doesn't lack caffeine."

Kathryn pouted, "and hers does? She always drinks that coke stuff."

"But not so much that it replaced her blood," Chakotay muttered. He went to sit down, trying to ignore the glares she was giving him.

"Jessie, don't you know that too much coffee is bad for you?" Kathryn asked.

Jessie looked over, "um, what?"

"It makes some people sick, and die," Kathryn muttered as she walked over. Danny glanced over, pulling a weird face. "If it doesn't then it um, causes people you touch to die too, or..."

"Does it cause insanity?" Jessie questioned, staring blankly. She quickly finished off her latte before Kathryn could get it.

"Uh Captain, you have to let other people have coffee you know," Chakotay said.

Kathryn stared back at him, "but it causes death in everyone but me."

"Convenient," Danny commented.

"I put milk in it," Jessie said.

"That's the catalyst," Kathryn blurted out.

"And that would be what exactly?" Jessie asked.

Kathryn groaned, "that's what sets the death virus off."

Jessie pouted, "but I like it now."

"You don't believe her, do you?" Danny said in disbelief. She pulled a face, "what am I saying?"

"It's not fair, it doesn't make any sense," Jessie muttered.

"No it doesn't," Danny sighed, shaking her head.

"Well can you get me another one?" Jessie asked.

"Oh no no," Danny replied, she turned her chair around.

Kathryn smiled smugly, "now that's a shame."

James stepped out of the turbolift with his own cup of coffee. He headed over to stand next to Jessie, "hey you."

"Hey yourself," Jessie said, eyeing the coffee. He didn't notice though.

He then pretended to look shocked and pointed at Danny's station, "there's something behind that station!" Everyone looked over, as they did James quickly kissed Jessie on the back of her head.

She giggled, "ooh sneaky."

"Yeah, what do you think?" James asked, slipping his available arm around her shoulders.

"Very smart," Jessie said with a smile. "You'll have to do that everytime. Think you can?"

"No problem. Everyone's stupid or paranoid enough to fall for anything," James replied.

"I still don't know what's behind the station," Harry muttered, still staring in Danny's direction. "Is it Danny?"

"What, no? It was just," Danny grumbled.

Kathryn interrupted her, "maybe it's invisible."

Chakotay shook his head, "I can't believe how stupid you two are."

"Shush, it might hear you," Kathryn whispered.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, "why couldn't I have joined a sane and smart crew?"

"Soo, what's going on beside the station loving invisible aliens attack?" James asked, trying to keep a straight face.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "wait a minute."

"Finally, here it is," Chakotay sighed in relief.

"If it's invisible," Kathryn said, looking suspicious.

Chakotay stared at her, "yes?"

"Then why hide behind a station?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay groaned, "good god."

"Maybe it's just shy," James said.

"Oh well," Kathryn said, smiling. She and Harry still continued to stare at Danny's station.

"Are you going to finish that?" Jessie asked sweetly.

"What, this? I dunno," James replied.

"Ok," Jessie said quickly, she snatched the coffee out of his hands and quickly drank it.

"Ookay," James said sounding bewildered. "What's with the Janeway impressions, Jess?"

"I'm not an impressionist," Jessie giggled as she gave him the cup back.

"Um, now I don't know what to be more scared about," James muttered.

Danny stared at Kathryn with a raised eyebrow, "tell me about it."

"I wonder if it has coffee," she said.

"I just started to like it, it's really quite nice," Jessie said.

"I thought you hated it," James said.

"No, I just never tried it before," Jessie said.

Kathryn slowly approached Danny's station, "we come in peace."

"Oh brother, I'm out of here," Danny muttered as she got out of her seat.

James glanced back over, "do you think she'd believe it if I said Winnie the Pooh was eating honey on her chair?"

"What!?" Kathryn screeched. She turned around, "where, get it away!" She ran into the Ready Room.

"Yes she would," Danny smirked.

"Why did she run away?" Jessie asked.

"She still thinks a Winnie toy she had came to life when she was a kid, and tried to eat her hair," Chakotay replied. He turned pale, "oops, I wasn't supposed to say that."

James had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing, "oh wow, I thought my story was bad."

Jessie looked up at him, "yeah, why are you scared of cuddly toys anyway?"

Tom turned his chair around, "you're scared..."

"No, I'm not," James muttered. "I just don't like them."

"Sorry, you knew what I meant. Well?" Jessie questioned.

"I'd rather not get into it right now," James replied.

Chakotay folded his arms, "is it anything like Kathryn's toy story?"

"Ooh Kathryn," Tom giggled.

"No it's not," James said with a smirk. "At least mine's realistic and understandable, at the same time."

"What, have you not seen Toy Story?" Harry asked, not reverting his eyes from the science station.

Tom turned his chair back around, "oh Kathryn." He pressed his finger tips against his other hand's, and made kissing sounds. "Oh Kathryn, I love you. Oh Chakotay, love you too." He didn't notice Chakotay step up behind him. "Why don't we take this to the bedroom. Oh Chakotay, you're so..." Then he noticed the shadow hovering over his station. "Please tell me that's James."

James raised an eyebrow, "why would I? Oh yeah the scared comment. Not worth it."

Jessie looked up at him with an impressed expression on her face, "aaw look at you, you're resisting the urge to hit him. Aren't you growing up?"

Danny sighed, "Jess, please don't drink coffee again."

Jessie turned to her with widish eyes, trying to look innocent, "why, it's nice?"

"Ok if it's not James, is it Jessie. No she's not fat, um, Neelix?" Tom stuttered.

Chakotay was now red with rage, "oh I'm fat am I?"

"Was that a dig at me too?" James asked.

"Oh crap," Tom muttered. He looked around for help without turning around but he was alone. Chakotay just smacked him across the head, knocking him out of his chair.

Kathryn peeped her head out of the Ready Room doors, "has that pooh bear gone now?"

"Yes, Bonnie the Crap Bear rejected his advances and now he's crying in his room," James replied.

"Oh I so want that bear," Danny giggled.

Kathryn's eyes widened, "so, she's still here?"

Chakotay groaned, "for crying out loud, there is nothing out here! James just keeps tricking you!"

Kathryn stared blankly, she then laughed nervously. "I know I was just playing with him, like I used to when he was little."

Everyone glanced at her, frowning, then over at James who was glaring at her. "I told you not to blurt that out to everyone!"

"Which part?" Tom sniggered from the floor.

Jessie was confused, "you knew her when you were little?"

"It turns out that she was my nanny when I was a baby," James muttered quietly.

Kathryn finally rejoined Chakotay in the centre of the room. He was eyeing her suspiciously. "What? After that little fight on New Earth about, you know, I had to tell him something or he'd think I'm obsessive and mad," she whispered.

"I think everyone already thinks that anyway," Chakotay muttered.

"Oh please, I'm perfectly sane," Kathryn said, glaring a little. "Besides, everyone's obsessed with something. It's human nature."

Tom finally pulled himself onto his feet, "oh that's funny. Did she used to give you a milk bottle, and a dummy. Oh and did she change any diapers?"

"Don't laugh Tom, she babysitted you too," James muttered.

Tom turned pale, "oh god, that wasn't supposed to come out."

Harry smirked, "god that woman gets around."

Danny shushed, "shhh, I want to know if she gave him a bottle, dummy and if she changed his nappy."

"Nappy? Ugh British make it sound all cute and everything," Tom scoffed. Danny rolled her eyes.

Kathryn looked around, "so, change of subject. How is our invisible visitor?"

"Oh the Crap Bear rejected him too, she was on a role after all," James replied.

"Are you mocking me?" Kathryn snapped. "I'm neither stupid or um... foolish, so you can cut it out ok."

James shrugged, "all right, fine."

Kathryn smiled, "thank you." She turned around, "now let me make first contact, it's a Captain duty after all."

"Well she sure proved me wrong," James commented. Everyone nodded their heads, excluding Harry who was still staring at the station too.

The Mess Hall:
"La la, turnip and Leola stew," Neelix sang quietly from his kitchen. "And they say I don't cook for the vegetarians, I'll show them."

"Ohno, you're not singing again are you? I had nightmares for weeks the last time," Thompson muttered.

Neelix looked up from his big pan, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that. What can I get you?"

"Food," Thompson replied.

"Specifically? I've got turnip and Leola stew. Leola and Chicken Chasseure. Oh and I've got this lovely Chilli Con Carne with Leola flavoured bread," Neelix said.

"I said food Neelix, but the con carne sounds good. Just don't put the bread on, I don't like bread," Thompson said.

Neelix raised his eyebrow, "you don't like bread."

"No hate it," Thompson meekly replied.

"The Chilli is very popular today. Too bad some have complained about not being able to drink coke with it," Neelix said.

Sid joined Thompson, "hey Neelix, what's for lunch?"

Neelix grinned, "why it's my favourite customer."

"Not surprising," Thompson muttered to himself.

"I've got stew, a Chasseure and Chilli Con Carne," Neelix replied.

"Hmm, how hot is the chilli?" Sid asked.

Meanwhile Faye and Claire walked in through the nearby doors, they headed straight for the replicator queue.

"I'm telling you, Lee was totally hammered," Claire said. "Maybe you'd know if you didn't skive so much."

"I don't skive," Faye quickly blurted out. Claire raised her eyebrow. "Fine I do, but you would too if you could."

"Yeah. Anyway the Doc gave Lee detention so he won't be leaving class for a few hours," Claire said.

"It seems weird that he was drunk. Are you sure he wasn't just himself?" Faye asked.

Claire shook her head, "no, unless he always tries to kiss Craig."

Faye stared at her with wide eyes, "oh my god, really?"

Claire nodded, "hell yeah, I haven't seen Craig since. I think he went hiding in the toilets. What an idiot, you can hide in the boys toilets if it was a girl, but not a boy." She ordered her lunch. "I always told him that he was gay, but did he listen to me?"

Faye laughed, "right, Craig gay, never."

"No I mean Lee," Claire said.

"Oh, yeah I knew that," Faye muttered. She ordered her lunch. "What makes you think he is?"

Claire shrugged, "I dunno, I can usually sense these things." They both sat down on a table next to Tom, Harry and Ian.

"Harry Harry, if something really was behind the station, it would have come out by now," Tom said.

Harry shrugged, "it's invisible remember."

Ian looked confused, "but if it was invisible, how did James see it in the first place?"

Harry stared blankly, then it hit him, "oh yeah."

Tom groaned, "ugh Harry, I thought you were the smartest of the three of us."

"Thank you," Ian muttered.

"Well why would he say there was something if there wasn't?" Harry asked, pouting. He finished off his bottle of coke.

Ian shrugged, "maybe it was a distraction."

"Or maybe it was just a simple prank," Tom said. He pulled a face, "on normal people it would be a crap one, but with us it worked like a charm."

"I need more coke," Harry muttered. He climbed out of his chair, "this cherry stuff is great, why didn't anyone tell me sooner?" He walked away, but not very steadily.

"Is he drunk or stoned?" Ian asked.

Tom smirked, "Harry's not the type for either."

"Really, hasn't he been drunk before?" Ian asked.

"I've never seen him," Tom replied, shrugging. "But you're right, he does look a little drunk. He's also as blunt as a... as a... Help me out."

"Oh I don't know, just say he's as sharp as a pillow," Ian said.

Tom nodded his head, "well done."

Ian smiled, "and you said Harry was the smartest, yeah right."

Harry stumbled back over, his new bottle was already half drunk. "Hiya boys," he giggled. He then started sniffling, "my god I miss my mummy, I wish she was here."

"You're right, he is drunk," Tom commented.

"I thought he always talked like that," Ian said.

Harry got tears in his eyes, "you guys, you guys are great." He stood in between them, and put his arms around their shoulders. "I love you guys, Tom more so. You're my best friend."

Tom looked more uncomfortable than Ian. "Um, Harry. You do know that you're not supposed to say I love you to other guys, right?"

"He might be gay," Ian said with a smirk. His eyes widened, "wait, I was included there, wasn't I?"

Nearby Faye was watching them, she turned back to Claire. "What about them?"

"Why, you like them?" Claire questioned with her mouth full.

Faye pulled a face, "eew no, just curious." She sipped on her coke.

Claire glanced over, "Ian's straight, Tom ditto, Harry's just drunk."

"Really?" Faye said.

"Yep, he's just a straight pansy, and a mummy's boy," Claire replied. She sipped on her own coke. "Mmm, this is different, is it just me?"

"No, probably the replicators are broken again," Faye replied.

James and Jessie walked in, they headed for the replicator queue.

"Please tell me you're not addicted, like Janeway addicted," James said.

"I wouldn't go that far," Jessie said.

"Good, cos one's bad enough," James sighed.

Jessie passed him an icy glare, "hey, no way anyone can be as bad as her, especially me. Besides I only had two cups."

"Ok ok sorry," James muttered as she got to the replicator. She ordered hers. "You're getting coke, that's good."

"Only because the replicators have banned coffee for a few hours," Jessie said. She walked away with her tray.

"That's the only reason? Great," James muttered to himself.

The Bridge:

Captains Log Supplemental: I think I'm doing very well during this temporary coffee shortage, no withdrawal symptoms or anything. Anyway I'm continuing my mission to make first contact with the invisible alien and..."

Chakotay groaned, "for god's sake Kathryn, James tricked you about that too!"

Kathryn stared coldly at him, "delete log. Ahem, begin again."

Captains Log Supplemental: Chakotay is fired. Second bit of business, first contact with..."

"I'm not mocking you," Chakotay muttered.

"Oh, really?" Kathryn said. "That explains why the trap didn't work."

"Oh it did," Chakotay sighed, pointing at the crewmember at the science station.

"Can someone let me out now?" he asked, as he struggled to get out of the net.

Kathryn stared at him, "no, you might be thwarting my attempts at first contact."

"Why would you make first contact by throwing a net on it?" Chakotay asked.

"Well these days it doesn't go well. Obviously being nice all the time just screams walk all over us, we're carpets," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay shook his head, "ok now I'm convinced. You're having coffee withdrawals."

"No I'm not!" Kathryn snapped.

"Well it always happens when you have too much in some mornings, and the replicators don't let you have any for two hours," Chakotay said.

"It's banned me for twelve hours actually, and I only had one cup!" Kathryn yelled.

"Hmm, that's strange," Chakotay said. "Jessie only had two, and I doubt anyone else had more than usual."

"Yes well, Mister Tuvok, can you investigate it?" Kathryn asked.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, "yes Captain but it is probably an Engineering problem."

"Still get on it and get rid of that buzzing sound," Kathryn said.

"What buzz..." Tuvok started to ask.

Kathryn gasped, "why is that crewmember in a net?"

Chakotay groaned, "you did that. I told you, coffee withdrawal."

"Get him out, that may scare away the alien," Kathryn ordered. Tuvok raised his other eyebrow as he headed for the turbolift.

"I told you, James made that up!" Chakotay groaned.

"He did? I was wondering why the phaser didn't work," Kathryn said.

"Again, why would you do that?" Chakotay asked.

"Well all aliens around here are hostile," Kathryn replied. Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Why did he lie to me?"

"He did it to everyone. It was obviously something anybody would do to get everyone's attention elsewhere for a second," Chakotay replied. He shrugged, "Jessie was there so he probably kissed her or something."

"What? Well I'm so glad you and some others were here. I've been working on this alien for hours," Kathryn grumbled.

Chakotay rolled his eyes, "yes, Sickbay is full of crewmembers who tried to kiss for two hours, and forgot to breathe. Good thing we were here."

"You're mocking me again! Do you want to be fired!" Kathryn snapped.

"No but it was a bit silly to think that..." Chakotay said.

Kathryn interrupted, "enough, I get enough from James."

"And Tom. I'll not tell you what he did," Chakotay quietly said.

"Why, what did he do?" Kathryn asked.

Harry fell out of the turbolift, the thud startled everyone on the bridge. Tom walked out afterwards and walked around him.

"What the?" Chakotay muttered.

"Harry's hammered," Tom said. He looked down as giggling started coming from his feet.

"What?" Kathryn snapped.

"It wasn't me, so stop yelling at me," Tom pouted.

"You have nice shoes," Harry's voice said.

Tom looked down again to find him stroking his left shoe, "they're the same as yours."

"Oh," Harry said. He tried desperately to bring his foot closer to his face as he lay on his side, but with no luck. He rolled onto his back and tried again, but again it didn't work.

"Try sitting up or..." Tom said, looking amused.

"No no I got it," Harry said. Now he had his legs up in the air, he reached out to grab one of his shoes and he pulled it off. Just then he fell to the side, and landed in a heap. "Hey, what do you know, they are."

Tom quickly walked away, "he's not the only one anyway."

"What? Who else is?" Chakotay asked.

"Let's see um. Faye, Lee, Claire and Craig I think, but I think he was just scared of something," Tom replied.

"All of them are underaged," Kathryn pointed out.

"And that mattered since when?" Chakotay asked.

Kathryn ignored him, "are you sure?"

"Well if Lee always tries to kiss guys when sober, and Faye dances on the table for a living, then no I'm not," Tom replied.

Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other. "One of us should check this out," Kathryn said.

"Hmm yes, but this is typical teen behaviour. We shouldn't worry about it really," Chakotay said.

Jessie marched onto the bridge, "ok, who stole that expensive jacket I got for my birthday?"

"No one, you're wearing it right?" Kathryn replied.

"Oh," Jessie said, glancing down. "That's embarrassing." She took one more step forward but tripped over Harry, and landed right on him.

"No, that is," Tom commented.

"Eeew Harry," Jessie squealed as she clambered back onto her feet. She brushed herself off, "eew germs, get it off."

"You were saying?" Kathryn said with a frown.

Chakotay sighed, "she's probably just high on the coffee."

Harry sat up and grabbed a hold of Jessie's leg, "please don't go pretty girl."

Jessie groaned, she shook her leg and he fell off easily. "God, what's wrong with him?"

"Drunk," Tom replied.

"Oh, like everyone else around here. Is it Christmas already?" Jessie asked.

"No, it's June," Tom replied.

"Oh," Jessie said, looking confused. "There's no holidays in June." She headed for her station. Once there she opened a half full bottle of Cherry Coke.

"Something's weird about all of this. Why would any of those teens drink and during the day?" Chakotay asked.

Jessie giggled, "we have a mass spiker."

"And isn't Jessie supposed to lay off the booze, cos of you know," Chakotay whispered. Kathryn nodded.

"That's quite likely as it's Voyager," Tom commented. Everyone looked at him. "It's not me!"

"I'll go and check this out. Where was everyone?" Chakotay asked.

"Mostly Mess Hall, but they'll have moved by now," Tom replied.

"Ok," Chakotay sighed, he walked towards the turbolift.

"And he had the nerve to say that I was, what was it? Coffee Withdrawal, or something," Kathryn muttered.

"Yeah, I know. I mean why say that you're acting abnormal when everyone knows that you're not normal anyway, and you're worse on coffee than everyone is drunk," Tom said.

"I know," Kathryn said. She then narrowed her eyes.

"Uhoh, not again," Tom muttered. He backed off slowly.

Tuvok walked into the Security Office. He raised his eyebrow as he glanced around to find it empty. "Mr Taylor?"

James appeared behind the desk, "yeah what?"

Tuvok turned around, "what were you doing under the desk?"

"I dropped something," James replied.

"I see. The Captain claims that the replicators are malfunctioning again. I have asked Miss Torres to fix it, I thought you could find out if someone tampered with it," Tuvok said.

James stared blankly at him. He slammed his hand on the desk, "ok mister, just because I've done it before, doesn't mean I did it again." He climbed to his feet and pointed his finger at him, "ok you know, I just realised that you didn't accuse me."

"Yes indeed. What were you really doing under the desk?" Tuvok asked.

"Not drinking Cherry Coke that's for sure," James replied, shaking his head.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "I see, interesting."

"What is?" James asked.

"Everyone I've seen that has seemed intoxicated has been drinking that stuff," Tuvok replied.

"That is interesting," James said as he went to sit down. Instead he fell to the floor. He quickly pulled himself up using the chair, "woah woah, are you ok?"

"Um yes, you were the one who fell," Tuvok said.

"Really? You know what I think? I think someone's covering as he's had too much to drink today," James said. He leaned on the table. "I won't tell anyone," he whispered.

"I have not," Tuvok said with a frown. "You have been drinking Cherry Coke and like the others it has..."

James gasped, "how did you know?"

"Because you said you weren't, in an obvious lying way," Tuvok replied.

"Wow you're smart, you're a smart guy. Did you go to smart school?" James asked, he tried to sit down again, this time he got it.

Tuvok's eyebrow raised higher, "maybe you should stop drinking it."

"Well I think you should shove it," James said.

"Shove what?" Tuvok asked.

"I really, really, really don't know," James muttered. "Excuse me a sec," he said before going back under the table.

Tuvok tapped his commbadge, "Tuvok to Janeway."

In: "What is it, I'm kinda busy."

In: "For the love of god, I didn't do anything wrong."

In: "Stop running you pansy!"

"Fine," Tuvok sighed, tapping his commbadge twice. "Tuvok to Chakotay."

In: "Chakotay here."

"Commander, something in that cherry substance is making the crew intoxicated. Somebody must have spiked it," Tuvok said.

In: "No, there's been no real supplies for ages, it's all been replicated."

"That is odd," Tuvok said.

Lee ran into the room, "Tuvok!" He hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "You're so cool, love you man." He looked around after backing away, "any other hot guys in here?"

Tuvok's other eyebrow went higher, "hot guys?"

James pulled himself up, "that stuff's real good." He spotted Tuvok, "you're still here?"

"If I were you, I'd hide," Tuvok said.

"Why?" James asked.

Lee's eyes lit up, "Jamesy, come here!"

"Eeew, no way," James muttered.

Lee rushed to the desk and climbed onto it. "Now this is what the doctor ordered, Tuvok's just yuck in comparison," he said, giggling.

"Uh thanks, but no," James muttered, backing away looking for an escape.

"Come on, you know you want to make out or something," Lee said. He fell off the table and landed on a heap on the floor.

"I need therapy, again," James commented. He quickly headed for the door, stepping over Lee. "Though he technically wasn't wrong, see you later." He walked out.

Tuvok looked confused, "what did he mean by that?"

In: "Ok, is it safe to come to where you are now then?"

"Yes after I get Mr Williams to Sickbay," Tuvok replied.

Later, the Conference Room:
Kathryn, Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna, Kes and Neelix were sitting around the table.

"Where is Tom?" Chakotay asked.

"Sickbay," Kathryn said in a huffy manner. "We are no longer friends with him."

"Ok, but I wasn't before," Chakotay said.

"Is this all that's coming?" B'Elanna asked.

"Everyone else is intoxicated," Tuvok replied.

"This is why we're having a meeting? Everyone else is drunk?" Neelix asked.

Chakotay sighed, "Tuvok and I did some research. Everyone who's drunk only had Cherry Coke."

"I always said they put alcohol in that," B'Elanna commented.

"Well now it must be true. The Doctor is examining the few we've managed to catch," Chakotay said. He eyed Kes, "that reminds me, shouldn't you be helping?"

"It's not my fault that my legs are broken," Kes muttered. She spun her chair slightly then giggled. Everyone stared at her.

"For god's sake, she should stop hanging out with Jessie, Danny and that Ian," Kathryn grumbled.

Faye ran into the room, "hi everyone!"

"Quick, someone catch her," Chakotay whispered.

Faye climbed onto the table, "this would make a great stage."

"Um, how?" Neelix asked.

"Get a net," Kes blurted out, giggling like crazy.

Faye danced around a little, she stopped suddenly. "Oh I'm tired, good night." She knelt down, then lay down on the table.

"Easy," Chakotay said. He put his commbadge onto her arm. "Now beam me."

"Others won't be so easy," B'Elanna sighed. She tapped her own commbadge, "Transporter Room, transport Chakotay to Sickbay." Faye disappeared seconds later.

"What about Kes?" Neelix asked.

"Yeah what about Kes?" Kes said.

Kathryn groaned, "I think the Doctor's got enough."

In: "Sickbay to Conference, please turn to your emergency medical channel."

B'Elanna turned her chair around, she pressed a few buttons on the wall panel. The Doctor appeared on the screen.

"I'm afraid your suspicious were correct," he said.

"What, Winnie really is plotting against me? That explains the replicator problem," Kathryn gasped.

The Doctor stared blankly, "no, but I'll look into that one next."

Chakotay sighed, "who and what?"

"Who I have no idea, what it's got vodka in it. Obviously somebody mixed that program with the cherry one," the Doctor replied.

"Ok, someone better shut down the replicators. They're no good anyway," Kathryn said.

B'Elanna nodded, "I'll get right on it." She got up.

"Tuvok, you and James get the Cherry Coke off everyone that's left," Kathryn said.

"Well he'd be very good at that," Chakotay commented, shaking his head. "Won't help him though."

"Where is he anyway?" Kathryn asked, looking around.

"What do you think?" Chakotay groaned.

"Oh, he drinks that too," Kathryn said, groaning into her hand. "Ok just Tuvok then."

"I'll help him," Chakotay said.

"What are you waiting for?" Kathryn asked.

Kes nodded her head, "what ya waiting foooorr. Take a chance you stupid whore." She laughed.

"Isn't it ho?" Neelix asked.

"And you'd know how?" Chakotay said, raising an eyebrow.

"Just a guess, I mean it sounds better," Neelix stuttered.

Chakotay shook his head on the way out, Tuvok followed.

"Everyone else, try and sober up the others," Kathryn ordered. Neelix glanced over at Kes who was spinning on her chair.

"I'm the only one left really," he said.

"Oh, well you do that. First get her sobered up," Kathryn said, she stood up.

"But Captain, what are you going to do?" Neelix asked.

"I'm going to find out who did this," Kathryn replied. She headed out.

Neelix sighed with a shrug, "ok fine." He looked at Kes, "Kes sweetie, have you tried my home made coffee yet?"

"No cos it's crap," Kes replied as she stopped spinning. "Woah," she poked Neelix in the face. "There's two of you, that's not pretty."

"I see you're just as sweet as ever drunk," Neelix muttered, pouting.

Meanwhile:
Kathryn walked across the bridge and went straight into her Ready Room. The sight she was greeted with wasn't a nice one.

"Good god, what are you doing!" she screeched.

James and Jessie looked over. "Heeey, go away we're busy," Jessie said with a giggle.

"Oh god, I'm going to wash my eyes out after this," Kathryn muttered.

"Good for you," James said. He and Jessie got back to what they were doing much to her disgust.

"Would you stop that!" Kathryn screeched again.

"Ok ok, only cos the desk's hurting my ass," Jessie groaned.

James groaned as he tried to pull himself off her, instead he fell onto the floor.

Jessie laughed loudly, "oh, I'm so drunk." She sat up on the desk. "How's my hair?"

Kathryn looked like she was ready to explode, "ok I'm going to regret asking this but, what were you planning on doing?"

"Well make out, then have more coke cos it's nice today," Jessie replied as she fixed her hair.

James pulled himself to his feet, "geez, a lot of people are falling over today."

Kathryn frowned, "huh?"

"Well Tuvok fell over. I promised I wouldn't tell," James replied. He walked over, "but he's a little drunk."

"Tuvok's not drunk, you are," Kathryn said.

"Me? I don't get drunk very easily," James said.

"Then why are you and Jessie here, um kissing on my desk?" Kathryn snapped.

"Well after meeting with her, we were in a hurry so we chose the closest place," James replied.

Kathryn pulled a face, "in a hurry, good god."

Jessie jumped off the desk, startling her, "I could do with a drink."

"I think you've had enough," Kathryn muttered.

"Hey Jess," James said, beckoning Jessie over. She giggled and rushed over. "Wanna play that game?"

"Ooh I love that game," Jessie giggled. She slipped her arms around his neck, they both continued kissing.

"Please don't," Kathryn groaned.

Meanwhile, Engineering:
B'Elanna rushed over to a station that was beeping loudly. She keyed in some commands, she tapped her commbadge. "Torres to Chakotay."

In: "Go ahead."

"Somebody's reactivated the replicators," B'Elanna said.

In: "Who?"

"I don't know, it's not even possible without my authorisation or yours and Janeway's," B'Elanna replied.

In: "Coffee's not available for several more hours, she wouldn't."

"Well when I traced it, I found that it was done at this station. I'm the only one who's used it," B'Elanna said.

In: "Deactivate the replicators, this time keep an eye on the whole system."

B'Elanna groaned, "fine like I haven't got enough to do already." She continued working at the station.

In: "Well get someone else to do it. Chakotay out."

"Most of my staff are drunk, but whatever," B'Elanna grumbled. She heard a buzzing sound come from right behind her, she turned around but nothing was there. She shook her head and turned back to the station.

The Ready Room:
The replicator made a microwave like ping sound, a cup appeared in it. Jessie glanced at it with her eyes wide. "Ooh it worked."

"What did?" Kathryn asked.

"I made it search for another coffee recipe, it must have found something," Jessie replied.

James cleared his throat, "excuse me but you're dumping me for a coffee."

Jessie tried to look innocent, "it won't be there long, that bitch will get it."

Kathryn glared at her, "oh you are really getting on my last nerve missy."

"It won't always be around, but you will and it's only temporary," Jessie said.

"Listen you, you've had more coffee than me today. I deserve that!" Kathryn snapped.

"All right fine, I'll stay here," Jessie said, slipping one of her arms back around James' neck.

"Oh ok, wait," Kathryn muttered. She kept glancing between the replicator and the two drunk lovebirds. "Let her have the coffee or this. No coffee or coffee."

"For god's sake, it's only a coffee," James groaned.

Kathryn and Jessie both stared icily at him. "Only coffee?" Jessie stuttered.

"There's the impression again," James muttered.

Kathryn's eyes lit up, "oh wait a minute. I've got it!" She ran out of the room.

"Oh well, it's mine then," Jessie said.

Kathryn ran back in, "Jessie, have the coffee and share it with him."

"Why?" Jessie asked.

"That's it, if you make me drink that we'll not make out anymore," James grumbled.

"That would be a shame," Kathryn muttered sarcastically. "Just share it, if you do, I'll get more of that Cherry Coke."

"Oh I don't know, I like making out," Jessie muttered with a pout.

Kathryn pulled a face, "yes whores do. Just do it or I'll give it to someone else and drink the coffee myself." She walked out.

"We'd better do as she says," James said.

"For now," Jessie said.

The Conference Room:
"I'm telling you. Somebody spiked the coke on the same day as something goes wrong with the coffee replicating. It's a conspiracy," Kathryn said.

Chakotay put on his thinking cap which was sky blue, making almost everyone in the room snigger. "Or maybe somebody wants as much of the crew drunk as possible."

"Good god, where did you get that?" Neelix sniggered.

Chakotay stared at him, "you're giving me fashion criticism, who'd have thought?"

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "logic would suggest that spiking a more popular beverage would be more effective."

"That's true," Neelix said, nodding his head. "That guy called logic is really smart, never seen him around though."

"Logic is not a guy, Mr Neelix," Tuvok said.

"Oh sorry, logic sounded like a boys name," Neelix giggled.

Kathryn groaned, "enough of this. Chakotay take that ridiculous thing off."

"Fine but it helps me think," Chakotay muttered as he took his cap off. "As I was saying, coffee is excellent for sobering up drunk people. So if an alien for example wanted to incapacitate the crew, it would have to make sure they can't be cured."

"So what do we do now?" Kathryn asked.

"Well with the coffee banned we can't sober the crew that way, but we can stop them getting worse or anyone else getting drunk," Chakotay replied. "We've got to find who's doing it."

Kathryn sighed, "actually there is something we can do."

The three guys turned to her. "What's that?" Neelix asked.

"Do you still have your home made kind?" Kathryn asked.

Neelix grinned, "yes of course, not many people order it."

"Not surprising," Chakotay muttered quietly.

"All we have to do is somehow get it into the air, this'll sober up everyone," Kathryn said.

"And make some high on caffeine, but it's a good plan," Chakotay said.

"Indeed but this does not stop whoever's doing it, from doing it again. Unless it is a practical joke," Tuvok said.

In: "Sickbay to Janeway."

"Go ahead," Kathryn said, tapping her commbadge.

In: "You'd better get here Captain, this is very strange."

Kathryn glanced at the others, "on my way." She tapped her commbadge, "Tuvok, Chakotay come with me."

"What should I do Captain?" Neelix asked.

Kathryn sighed, "get that coffee of yours boiled, and make sure it's underneath one of those ventilators. That sound do it, right?"

"Might not be enough," Chakotay replied.

"Then find a way to get more of it into the air, god I'm dying for anything," Kathryn replied.

Sickbay:
Kathryn, Chakotay, Tuvok and the Doctor were standing around the biobed, where B'Elanna was sitting. Kes was busy throwing hyposprays up into the air in the background.

"What happened?" Kathryn asked.

"I don't know. I was trying to disable the replicators, again, and something attacked me from behind. Next thing I know, I'm here with the Doctor in my face," B'Elanna replied, turning her attention to the Doctor in the last sentence.

"I don't mean too, people just happen to wake up when I look at them," the Doctor said with a pout.

"Maybe you should stop getting so close to them, someone might be still drunk and try to kiss you or something," Chakotay sniggered.

"Aah aah get it on," Kes sang as she climbed onto a used biobed. "Cos I wanna hear my record on the radio, get it on."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "so something attacked B'Elanna out of nowhere while she tried to get the replicators back. Doesn't anybody find that suspicious?"

"Kinda," the Doctor shrugged. "But you haven't kept me in the loop so..."

"Our theory is that aliens have spiked the coke, deleted coffee from the system, just to try and take over the ship," Chakotay said.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," the Doctor muttered.

"Great and now they've deleted the Doctor's memories of the last two years," Kathryn sighed.

"Indeed," Tuvok commented.

"Right, but something did attack me so it makes sense," B'Elanna said. "I did hear something behind me a few seconds before hand, but I didn't see anything."

Kathryn gasped, "I told you, didn't I tell you!"

Chakotay frowned, "you've told me a lot of things, help me out."

"The invisible alien is doing it, and you said that it didn't exist," Kathryn said. She narrowed her eyes, "who's side are you really on?"

"Kathryn, if it really was there, how did James see it? I don't think Slayers have magical powers," Chakotay muttered.

Kathryn's eyes lit up, "oh that would be so neat."

"This is ridiculous, we don't have many senior staff left that have a sane or sober state of mind," Chakotay sighed.

"I wouldn't worry, we've had worse," the Doctor said. "These aliens must be cloaked or very fast, I think that the former is more likely."

"So what do we do?" B'Elanna questioned.

"I think we should just stick to the first plan, cure the crew first," Kathryn replied.

"But the aliens might do it again," the Doctor said.

"Yes but with the rest of our staff sober again, we'd have a better chance of combating them. None are going to be stupid enough to drink it again," Kathryn said.

Chakotay raised an eyebrow, "are you sure about that?"

"Shut up, I want some coffee damn it!" Kathryn yelled, stamping her foot. Everyone but B'Elanna and Kes took a step backwards. "This is the only way we can do it until the aliens are gone."

"Is that what we really want? You're unbearable either way," B'Elanna commented.

"Don't anger her more," Chakotay whispered.

"Doesn't matter, I already told Neelix to make his coffee airborne," Kathryn said.

The Doctor looked worried, "but the only person who tried that coffee Neelix made was Sid. Don't you know what means?"

"Which one's Sid? I thought that one died," Kathryn said.

Chakotay shook his head, "no not this again, Suder died."

"Who?" Kathryn questioned. Everyone groaned.

Later:

Chief Medical Officers Log Supplemental. As expected the cure for the drunk crewmembers has caused a few side effects. However it has helped us kill two birds with one really sticky and gooey coffee stone. Too bad nobody brave enough is around to clean up the mess.

Commander Chakotay's Log Supplemental. The cure for the drunk crewmembers has worked like expected. However our theory about the aliens banning coffee because it cures drunkness was wrong, they just really don't like coffee and Neelix's must have been a killer for them. That's not a problem though compared to what the cure has done to the Captain. Oh and from now on, the Cherry Coke wasn't spiked, it was infected with a virus. This is to protect the crewmembers who think that being drunk was no excuse for being THAT bad. That is all.

The Bridge:
The entire room was filled with about five rather large spider looking things, lying on the ground.

"Tom, come out they're all dead," Chakotay groaned.

"No!" Tom yelled from the turbolift.

Harry walked in via the other turbolift, he gaped around the room. "Why is there big spiders lying around?"

Chakotay looked around the room, "the question you should be asking is why haven't they been cleaned up yet."

"Ok. Why haven't..." Harry started to ask.

"No one's brave enough to touch them," Chakotay replied.

"Where's Tom?" Harry asked.

"I'm not coming out until they're gone!" Tom yelled.

Harry smirked, "ah right. What about Janeway and Jessie, they're not here."

"Well no doubt the coffee filled air got Jessie high just like with Janeway," Chakotay said, shuddering slightly. "Though the Captain is most likely worse."

"Why, cos she was drunk before getting the dosage?" Danny questioned.

"Maybe, but Jessie would never try hitting on a nameless guy while high," Chakotay replied. "And then try and drag him into her quarters."

Danny sniggered, "well yeah, only Janeway's stupid enough to like you." Chakotay glared at her.

Neelix ran into the bridge from the turbolift Harry came out of. "Commander, we have a problem!"

"What, did somebody let Janeway out of the Ready Room? I spent ages finding a way to lock that up!" Chakotay asked frantically.

Tom sniggered from the other turbolift, "what ever happened to Kathryn?"

Neelix shook his head, "no it's not that bad, well it depends. There was still some of the spiked Cherry Coke hanging around the Mess Hall, I was going to get rid of it but it's gone."

"Oh god, somebody must have drank it," Chakotay stuttered.

"According to the people who were in the Mess Hall when I noticed, it hasn't been there all morning," Neelix said.

"Well that's ok, whoever drank it will just wake up with a headache or something," Danny said.

Chakotay sighed in relief, "true true."

Meanwhile, James/Jessie's Quarters:
Jessie woke up in her own bed, she groaned as she held her head. "What the, what happened?" she muttered, looking around. She felt some movement next to her, this made her eyes widen in horror, "oh god, please for the love of god be James."

Right on cue James' head appeared from under the covers, "what the hell?" He looked around the room, eyes widening in panic. "This isn't my room, it's too clean. Oh god, who's room..."

"Oh thank god it is," Jessie sighed in relief.

James jumped a little and looked over at her, "is this your room? Please tell me it's your room."

"Yeah, who elses would it be?" Jessie asked.

"Well I don't know. You wake up in someone elses bed, with nothing on, no memories of what happened, you get a little paranoid," James muttered.

"Oh, you too? Great," Jessie groaned.

"You said this was your bed," James said.

"No no, I didn't mean that part," Jessie muttered.

"Ok, what's the last thing you remember?" James asked.

Jessie tried to sit up, taking the sheet with her, "well, I was in the Mess Hall, you were there. We sat down to have a drink and that's it."

"You know, I bet that coke was still spiked," James said.

Jessie groaned, "you think?" She turned a little pale, "oh god, we must have been so hammered. God knows what we did."

"Um, I think it's obvious," James said.

"Before that," Jessie muttered. "And specifically with that."

"Well if we get some strange looks, comments etc, we'll know we did something embarrassing," James said. "As for specifically, we'll leave that to Danny's sick imagination."

Jessie pulled a face, "I'd rather not."

Meanwhile, the Ready Room:
Kathryn was lying on the sofa, lots of coffee cups were lying on the floor surrounding her. She woke up looking startled, "oh god! Chakotay get in here!"

About a minute later Chakotay rushed in. "What, what?"

"Did I try and drag you into my quarters?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes, several times," Chakotay replied.

"And throw a cup of coffee on you?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes," Chakotay bluntly replied.

"And then..." Kathryn started to ask.

"I'm going to save you the trouble, yes to all above," Chakotay replied.

"What, those two bears came at me again? I was hoping that was a dream," Kathryn stuttered.

"Kathryn, you really need to see a psychiatrist about that you know," Chakotay said.

"But it really did attack me! I was sitting on the sofa reading, when it came up behind me and attacked. It was a good thing that Tom wasn't around when it happened, although he would have been able to tell you it happened," Kathryn said.

Chakotay frowned, "this happened back when you were babysitting Tom?"

"Yes why?" Kathryn questioned.

Chakotay smiled and nodded, "that would explain why, babysitting him is enough to turn the sanest person over the edge." He walked out leaving Kathryn confused.

"But it happened," Kathryn moaned, she ran after him.

After she left the room a familiar voice sniggered. Tom climbed out from under the desk holding two Winnie the Pooh puppets. "Ha ha, can't believe she still falls for that." He walked out the other door laughing quietly to himself.

****THE END****

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