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Episode Synopsis
James accidentally starts off a little 'game' that gets out of hand, meanwhile an awayteam board a ship inhabited by orphaned children.

Written
16th December 2003

Episode Based In
April 2372 (late season 2)

Danny's Quarters:
The door chime echoed around the room, a few seconds later the door opened and James stuck his head through it. "Danny? Are you there?" He stepped through the doors, they closed behind him. He walked towards one of the doors, it opened up.

James quickly turned around and headed for the main door at the sound of a girl's scream. Danny emerged from the room with a dressing gown on, "don't you ever use the door chime!"

"I did," James muttered, with his back to her.

"So you think it's ok to walk in then?" Danny snapped.

"No, I... I'm sorry, I just thought something was wrong," James stuttered.

"Well there is now," Danny grumbled. "What did you come for?"

"I don't remember anymore," James meekly replied. He sat down on the nearby desk.

Danny nodded her head, "I bet, I do that to men a lot."

James rolled his eyes in response, "just one question Dan, why were you only slightly dressed and standing next to a mirror?"

Danny blushed, "um well the thing about that is, oh who cares about that, I like your hair, is it a new style?"

"Right now I'm worried," James muttered.

Danny groaned, "I was getting changed and I noticed a scratch on my side, that's basically it. Happy now?"

"No, but better yeah. Anyway I've remembered what I came for, Jess wanted me to pick up something she left," James replied.

"Oh like what?" Danny asked.

James looked a little bit annoyed, "I forgot that part."

Danny smiled, "all men are all the same, obviously excluding the gay ones."

"Um thanks I think. It is hard to talk to someone you've just seen like that," James pointed out.

"Right but it's not," Danny groaned.

"Not for you, no," James commented as he headed for the main door again.

The Bridge:
Everyone were in their usual places, doing their usual things, Kathryn was however fiddling with a PADD.

"Status," Chakotay ordered.

"Holding steady at warp 6.2," Danny responded.

"Good, keep it up," Chakotay muttered.

"Ok!" Kathryn squealed suddenly, making everyone jump in shock. She jumped to her feet, still holding the PADD. "I finished a song, wanna hear?"

Everyone's eyes widened, yes even Tuvok, "no!"

"Okeydokey," Kathryn cleared her throat. "If you were me, I'd be bottomless, I'd know exactly how much gets you hyperactive by me. Open my jar, breathe in my smell, come drink me while I'm hot, hush baby I'm addictive."

"Oh god, somebody hold me back," Danny muttered under her breath.

Kathryn tried to do a slutty dance, "resistance is futile, so drink up all of me cos I'm perfect, you got me, so dissolve me in hot water."

Danny banged her head against the helm, everyone else looked rather pained.

"Then spin me around, add no milk or sugar. I'm coffee delicious, a caffeine injected rush. Boy if you were me!" Kathryn 'sang'.

James, Tom, Foster and Thompson walked onto the bridge. "Ok, what's the disturbance Tuvok mentioned?" Tom asked.

"You'd know just how good you taste!" Kathryn squealed.

"I don't think it's that hard to figure out," James commented, with one hand over his left ear.

Tom however had both ears covered, "what!?"

"Ok boys, we're going in," James said dramatically.

Foster and Thompson glanced at each other like it was their last moment on Ear... in this universe. The remaining team members headed over to Kathryn who was half way through the second verse. They all grabbed a hold of her at the same time.

"What the, what's going on?" Kathryn moaned.

"You're under arrest for causing a disturbance or something to that effect," James replied.

"But I was only singing," Kathryn whined.

"Is that what you people call it these days?" Thompson commented.

Kathryn glared at him, he of course cowered. Foster and James quickly dragged her away before she glared Thompson to death. Tom and Thompson slowly followed them.

"Thank god for that, thanks Tuvok," Chakotay groaned.

"No problem Commander," Tuvok said in his usual unemotional manner.

Lunch time, The Mess Hall:
Danny walked over to Jessie's table, she collapsed onto the chair opposite her with an annoyed groan.

Jessie raised her eyebrow, "problem Dan, you've been like this all morning."

"Oh it's nothing, just a certain Mr Taylor," Danny replied.

Narrowing her eyes as she leaned in closer to her, Jessie asked slowly, "ok what has James done this time?"

Danny caught sight of Ian as he headed over to their table, "well um."

Ian sat down in between them, "hello ladies."

"Oh what a shame, Ian's here. Can't tell you now," Danny stuttered.

"I don't see why not," Jessie commented.

"Just what I was thinking, it's not a girly thing right?" Ian questioned.

Danny sighed, "fine, James walked into my bathroom while I was getting changed."

Ian's eyes widened, "what, you're kidding right."

Jessie just laughed, "come on, she's kidding. He'd never do that."

"On purpose no, but he did do it," Danny muttered.

Ian shifted his eyes nervously, "how much did he see?" Danny leaned over and whispered some words in his ear. He gasped afterwards, "wait what were you doing exactly?"

Danny groaned and rolled her eyes in frustration, "I saw scratch on my side from the coma incident while getting changed, I was just taking a closer look at it to see if it was healing or not."

Jessie looked uncomfortable in her chair, "you aren't joking then?"

"Nope sorry," Danny responded.

This time it was Jessie's turn to widen her eyes, "but but, he didn't see anything right? You know he could have... Are you sure?"

Danny glanced over in Ian's direction, "oh yeah I'm sure."

Ian tried his best to keep a straight face, "it's not that bad Jess, no need to panic."

"Yeah I'm the one who should be panicky, embarrassed and so on," Danny commented.

Ian glanced at her with his usual cheeky smile planted on his face, "you know what you have to do."

Danny looked over at Jessie who was just as confused, "no I don't."

"Well he saw you like that, so it's only fair that you see something of his," Ian explained.

Jessie laughed uneasily, "no no, that's not going to happen."

Danny smiled cheekily, "actually it's a very good idea."

Jessie shook her head nervously, "no it's not, it was an accident. Besides James is James, he'd get more embarrassed than somebody like Ian."

"Exactly that is why this is perfect. Besides why would he get more embarrassed than Ian would, got something to hide, has he?" Danny giggled.

"Nothing probably, but he has his rights. You can't just do this on purpose, it's not fair," Jessie replied.

"I have my rights too, he invaded my privacy so I'm allowed to get revenge," Danny commented.

"Ok that's when you're supposed to report the incident to somebody in charge and he'll be punished, you're not allowed to do this," Jessie muttered.

Danny smiled cheekily again, "oh I see, you're just mad cos I'm going to be first to see something. Sorry Jess, life's not fair."

Jessie raised her eyebrow, "ookay, why would I care about that?"

"Oh no reason, no reason at all," Danny commented.

Later, the Bridge:
Harry's station started beeping, "we're receiving a distress call."

"We're receiving a distress call baby," Kathryn sang to herself.

Chakotay looked over at her with a Pokémon Sweatdrop on the side of his face, "how did she get out of the brig?"

"With that singing voice she could get out of the Borg Collective," Tom commented.

"Tom aren't you supposed to be on a Security shift?" Harry asked.

Tom turned pale, "oh crap, not again!" He ran into the turbolift.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "remind me to cut his pay again."

Chakotay pulled himself out of his chair, "let's hear the distress call Harry."

"Lemme hear it Harry," Kathryn squealed.

"Maybe we should call Security again," Danny muttered to herself.

Chakotay shook his head. Harry keyed in some commands, a kid's voice came over the comm. "Hey get the hell of me you bast... Ahem, is it on?"

"Yes it's on, you ass," another kid's voice muttered.

"Okeydokey, whoever is out there has to come and help us, we're going to blow up very soon. Some idiot decided to play with the travelling device thingy."

"I told you, I was improving it."

"Yes, hitting it is improving it, what a bitch."

"The transmission ends there sir," Harry muttered.

"What charming children," Chakotay muttered sarcastically.

"Reminds me of James when we were at school," Jessie commented.

Danny shrugged, "Jess those kids weren't ten or eleven, they were about eight or something."

"Oh I figured they'd be about four or five," Jessie said quietly.

"He was talking like that at that age, lovely," Harry commented.

"How long until we're in range of that ship?" Chakotay asked.

"About minus fifteen minutes," Danny replied. Chakotay stared at her looking confused. She turned around, "look we're not always going the same way as the people in distress, deal with it."

Chakotay rolled his eyes, "just head there."

"Ok," Danny groaned as she turned back around. "Make that fifteen minutes."

Chakotay headed back to his chair, Kathryn was looking at him in a weird way. She started to make kissing gestures and winking. Chakotay quickly turned back around, "maybe I should prepare an awayteam."

"Maybe you should get your nice butt over here," Kathryn giggled.

Harry turned more pale than usual, "I think I'm going to puke."

"Hold me back, hold me back," Danny muttered.

Chakotay looked obviously scared to death, "right um." He tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Kes, Paris, Taylor and Torres, please report to Transporter Room Two, and be quick about it." He then jumped over the banister and ran into the turbolift.

"Wow, if my coffee escapes again I know who to recruit," Kathryn commented.

"Oh god, the coffee must have mutated or something, it's the end of the universe as we know it," Harry panicked.

Kathryn glanced over at Harry, "hmm, hey cutie."

Harry put his hand over his mouth, "ok I'm gone." He ran into the other turbolift.

Twenty minutes later, the alien ship:
Chakotay, Tom, B'Elanna, Kes and James rematerialised in a long corridor. A few dozen kids were standing in front of them.

"Hi, I'm Commander Chakotay of the starship Voyager, are there any grown ups around here?" Chakotay questioned.

A kid that looked about twelve pushed in front of the others, "I'm in charge here, my name is Karhnian."

"What happened to the grown ups?" B'Elanna asked.

"They all died," another kid replied.

"Uh how?" Tom asked.

"We don't know," a five year old replied.

"Look we're here to stop your ship blowing up, where is the problem?" B'Elanna questioned.

Karhnian pointed at two kids a similar age, "they'll take you to it."

"We will?" one of them moaned. Karhnian glared at him. "Yes sir, follow us." The two kids rushed off down the corridor, B'Elanna and Tom followed them.

"Kes and I will check out the bridge, James you follow B'Elanna and Tom. You may as well make sure the kids can't play with anymore engineering systems," Chakotay ordered.

"Oh is that why Tom was following B'Elanna, I thought he was just stalking her," James commented.

"I'd say you'd have to guard her from him too but she can do that on her own," Chakotay muttered.

"Damn, spoil my fun why don't you," James muttered to himself. He went down the corridor Tom and B'Elanna had went down.

Meanwhile, James/Jessie's Quarters:
Danny sneaked quietly into the main room, and headed towards one of the other doors. She pressed a button on the side panel, the door opened straight away. She walked into the room. Several seconds later she ran out of the room looking freaked out.

Ian emerged from the room in a towel looking annoyed, "Danny!"

"What are you doing in James' quarters!?" Danny screamed.

"Using his shower until my room-mate Freddie finishes cleaning ours, what are you doing in his quarters!?" Ian yelled.

Danny pulled an annoyed face, "what do you think!"

"Oh right, I forgot about that!" Ian continued to yell.

"Why isn't he here!?" Danny screamed.

"Duh, he's onboard that ship!" Ian yelled back.

"Oh yeah, crap!" Danny yelled.

"Why are we still yelling!?" Ian yelled.

"I have no idea!" Danny screamed.

"Ok you stop first!" Ian yelled.

"Will do. By the way, very nice!" Danny yelled. She disappeared out of the room.

Ian blushed, and went back into the other room.

The alien ship:
Tom hovered over B'Elanna's shoulder, "so what's the problem?"

B'Elanna shook her head, "someone's just tampered with some of the controls, if I don't fix it, it'll breach."

"What does that mean?" one of the kids asked.

"It means you go boom," James replied.

The first kid pouted, "does it hurt?"

The second kid walked up to James and she smiled up at him sweetly, "hiya, what you doing?"

"Nothing," James replied looking uncomfortable.

The girl giggled, "is your arms fat or just big?"

Tom burst out laughing, "fat I'd say."

James rolled his eyes, "they're not fat."

"What do you do in your spare time?" the girl asked.

The lad groaned, "why must you hit on anything male?"

Tom looked insulted, "she didn't hit on me."

The girl looked disgusted, "eew, why would I hit on you?"

"Ok I'm getting rather worried here, can we just not talk?" James muttered.

Tom walked over to him, "Jamesy don't hurt your new girlfriend's feelings."

James pulled a face at him, "oh Tom you're so funny, just give me the cue to laugh... it's soon right?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "god's sake, do you two ever stop arguing?"

"Nope," Tom replied. "It's not a good day if we don't fight."

James nodded his head, "yeah and it's not a good day if I haven't hit him."

The girl laughed, "ooh hit him, that'll be fun."

The lad looked up at Tom, and then James, when he did he panicked. "Um Lilny, we have to go now."

The girl looked confused, "why?" The lad grabbed her arm, and dragged her with him.

Tom narrowed his eyes in a confused manner, "so what was that all about?"

James shrugged his shoulders, "gee, I don't know." He briefly glanced at him, then smacked him in the head. As usual he fell to the ground, James acted like nothing happened as he went over to B'Elanna.

"I need to get more equipment from Voyager, there's no way I can fix it without much tools," she said.

"Why didn't you bring all the tools you needed?" James asked.

"Cos Chakotay rushed me, and didn't tell me what I was going onboard this ship for," B'Elanna replied.

The doors opened up, about twelve kids came in holding what looked like phasers. "Step away from the thingy," Karhnian commanded.

B'Elanna and James glanced each other. "Oh great, this is just great," B'Elanna mumbled.

"You, get up off the floor!" Karhnian yelled, pointing his phaser at Tom. He quickly climbed to his feet.

"What the hell is this all about? We're only trying to help you," James questioned.

Karhnian stepped forward, "yeah you'd like us to believe that wouldn't you."

"If we wanted to harm you we would have just left you alone to get blown up," Tom commented.

"That would be too easy, you brought him along to destroy us!" Karhnian screamed.

"Who, James or Tom?" B'Elanna questioned. She glanced at Tom and burst out laughing, "sorry I don't know what happened there."

Tom pouted, "heeeey."

"What makes you think we want to kill you all of a sudden?" James asked.

The lad who was in the room before pointed at him, "we were warned about someone like you, you have a weird vibe coming from you."

"Ookay, I don't understand," James muttered.

"Neither do I," B'Elanna commented.

"You understand all right, now sit down and shut up!" Karhnian yelled.

Alien ship's bridge:
Chakotay tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Torres, Torres come in?"

Kes frowned, "that's strange."

One of the kids tried to look innocent, "what is?"

"B'Elanna's not responding," Chakotay replied.

Kes tapped her own commbadge, "Kes to Taylor. Kes to Paris."

"We'd better check on them," Chakotay said. Kes nodded her head.

Engineering:
Some of the kids were sitting around B'Elanna, Tom and James still holding their phasers.

"So what kind of bad 'vibe' do you get off of me?" James asked.

"A bad one," one of the kids replied.

"Don't blame you, somebody that freakishly strong should give everyone the creeps," Tom commented.

James smiled, "a bad vibe is nothing compared to a bad smell."

Tom smelt the air, "I don't smell."

B'Elanna held her nose, "oh Tom, did you have to!?"

Tom blushed, "it wasn't me, it's freakishly strong so it must be James'."

James leaned closer to Tom and hit him across the head. One of the kids in between them backed off with a little scream.

"Hey hey, what's up with you?" B'Elanna asked.

The kid covered her face with her hand, "kill him, he's evil."

Two of the kids pointed a phaser at James. "What did I do, I only hit Tom?"

The little girl pointed a finger at a cross necklace James had around his neck, "that hurt me."

James looked down at it, "oh right, oh crap."

"What?" Tom questioned.

James smiled nervously, "cross hurt girl, it burned her... what kind of race gets hurt because of crosses?"

B'Elanna and Tom looked at each other looking pretty much worried. "Oh right," Tom stuttered.

Voyager, Danny's quarters:
Ian sneaked into the room, he tip toed his way to one of the other rooms. He disappeared into it, a scream chased him back out of the room.

"Oh my god, oh my god," he stuttered.

Jessie appeared from the room wearing a dressing gown, "what the hell is wrong with you!?"

Ian looked confused, "why are you here?"

"Danny was planning revenge on James, so I'm trying to avoid my bathroom for now. What are you doing here?" Jessie asked angrily.

"Getting revenge on Danny, or so I thought I was," Ian replied.

"Ok she walked in on you, this has got to stop now," Jessie groaned.

Ian nodded his head, "yes, by the way James is a lucky guy."

Jessie glared in his direction, "leave or I'll kill you."

Ian whimpered, "yes ma'am." He ran out of the room.

The alien ship:
"Well that was a stupid waste, what use are you guys?" B'Elanna grumbled.

Kes and Chakotay glanced at each other. "We didn't know the kids had guns," Chakotay muttered.

"Quiet pen face!" one kid yelled.

"The kids have more than just guns," Tom whispered.

"Oh what else, knives?" Kes asked.

"Fangs," James whispered.

Kes' eyes widened, "vampires?"

"Bingo," B'Elanna nodded her head.

"What do we do?" Chakotay questioned.

"Kill them," B'Elanna replied.

"They're kids," James muttered.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "they're dead kids, come on you're a Slayer... you kill them."

"They're still kids, they probably don't even know that they're vamps," James commented.

Tom turned rather pale, "I have a grisly theory." Everyone glanced in his direction. "They do know what they are or they know how to feed while being unaware, and they decided to feed on the adults."

"Look this ship will blow very soon, we just need to get off it before that happens," B'Elanna said.

"No, they're only kids," James grumbled.

"If the ship was just inhabited by lots of dead children bodies that weren't moving, you wouldn't feel the same way," B'Elanna said.

Kes glanced over at James, "she's right, they're already dead. There's nothing we can do about it. Hopefully Voyager will notice that the ship is about to blow and get us out."

"What are you girls whispering about?" Karhnian snapped.

"Look somebody distract them, I'll contact Voyager," Chakotay ordered.

James nodded his head, "that's easy." He cleared his throat, "Tom what did you just say?"

"Huh? I didn't say anything," Tom stuttered.

"I heard you, you called me gay bitch," James said.

Tom then caught on, "oh right, yeah I did... you're a stupid gay blonde bitch."

James grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. Then he punched him in the face with his other hand.

Chakotay quickly tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Voyager, get us out of here."

"Acknowledged."

The awayteam dematerialised. "Oh crap, that wasn't supposed to happen," Karhnian muttered.

Voyager's Bridge:
Chakotay and James stepped off the turbolift. "How long till that ship blows?" Chakotay asked.

"Just a few minutes Commander, what happened?" Tuvok replied.

"The children decided to keep us for lunch," James replied.

"That sounds nice, why didn't you stick around?" Harry questioned.

Chakotay and James turned to glare at him. "Because we were the lunch," James replied.

The ship shook. "We're under attack, shields holding," Tuvok said.

"Danny, get us to a safe distance," Chakotay commanded.

"Whatever," Danny responded.

"Ready weapons, prepare to return fire," Chakotay ordered.

"Yes Commander," Tuvok said. He keyed in several commands, "their shields are down, their hull is buckling."

"Danny!" Chakotay bellowed.

"Yeah I got it, going to warp now," Danny muttered.

Everyone felt the ship jump to warp. Chakotay sighed in relief, "good, put us back on course for the Alpha Quadrant."

"Aye aye sir," Danny said.

Captains Log Supplemental: I don't know why but I woke up in the brig this morning, something about coffee and hyperactivity. Obviously somebody hyper on coffee placed me in here. When I find out who they'll spend two years in here, let's see how they like it hehe.

The Mess Hall:
The room was very crowded, there were barely any spare places to sit. James sat down next to Jessie, "so how was your day?"

Jessie looked around the room nervously, "oh nothing incredibly interesting happened except that Ian saw me getting changed."

Just as she said that Ian walked into the room. James turned around slowly to glare at him. Ian looked incredibly nervous, "um is this the Mess Hall, that's weird I was aiming for the Shuttle Bay. Bye." He rushed back out of the room.

"I don't understand, what... why, why?" James stuttered.

"Danny tried to get revenge on you but saw Ian, he tried to get revenge and saw me," Jessie replied.

James gasped, "she was trying to get revenge on me by catching me in the shower or something?"

Jessie nodded nervously, "yes, I tried to stop her."

"I don't believe this, how much did he see?" James questioned.

"Similar to how much of Danny you saw," Jessie replied.

"Hmm I have a solution, rip his eyes out," James grumbled.

Jessie shook her head, "James stop being silly about this."

"I'm not, I'm serious about this," James commented.

"I have a better idea, get my own back on Ian by doing what he did to me," Jessie said.

James' eyes widened, "no no no, you're not doing that."

"What, scared of a little competition?" Jessie questioned in a cheeky manner.

James pulled a face, "you're starting to sound like Danny."

Jessie shuddered, "yeah sorry, but I was just trying to help you change your mind."

"Fine, go and see Ian... you'll probably end up seeing his room-mate if you're not careful," James grumbled.

"I don't want to see anything, I'll just look at his head at the time. You know I wouldn't have the guts to look elsewhere," Jessie said.

"Yes I know," James muttered.

A little while later:
Jessie walked slowly into Ian's quarters, she made her way towards the bathroom. Not long after she entered she ran straight back out looking scared to death.

Not long after she left Tom emerged from the bathroom, "woah, that's the last time I use someone else's shower." He walked back into the bathroom.

****THE END****

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