Disclaimer
Originally this episode idea was created a long time ago, but the whole idea for it came to be during our holiday in summer 2002. We did a play of the original mixed in with one of Togepi's ideas for a small episode, and we got lots of ideas in the process. Last but not least the title is from the song Chain Reaction.
Please note that this episode is basically just a bit of harmless fun, unless of course you're easily offended if people insult/parody/slag off any of the celebs below that are cast as themselves. So far nobody's complained yet ^_^

Episode Synopsis
Janeway is forced to cut down on coffee, the crew celebrates with a huge party, resulting in some regrettable drunken events.

Guest Stars
Desmond Harrington as Damien
Clive Martin as himself
Adam Blaustein as Foster
Jake Wood as Sid
Nancy Hower as Samantha
?? as Thompson
?? as O'Hara
Myleene Klass as herself
Johnny Shentall as himself and Johnny Junior
Gwen Stefani as herself
Gareth Gates as himself
Justin Timberlake as himself
Sean Paul as himself
Rick Berman as himself
Brannon Braga as himself

Written By
Marill

Written
27th & 30th December 2003

Episode Based In
April 2372 (late season 2)

Last time on B4 Fifth Voyager
"Okeydokey, whoever is out there has to come and help us, we're going to blow up very soon. Some idiot decided to play with the travelling device thingy."

"I told you, I was improving it."

"Yes, hitting it is improving it, what a b**ch."

"The transmission ends there sir," Harry muttered.

"How long until we're in range of that ship?" Chakotay asked.

"Ok," Danny groaned as she turned back around. "Make that fifteen minutes."

**
"What happened to the grown ups?" B'Elanna asked.

"They all died," another kid replied.

"Look we're here to stop your ship blowing up, where is the problem?" B'Elanna questioned.

Karhnian pointed at two kids a similar age, "they'll take you to it."

**
B'Elanna shook her head, "someone's just tampered with some of the controls, if I don't fix it it'll breach."

"What does that mean?" one of the kids asked.

"It means you go boom," James replied.

The lad looked up at Tom, and then James, when he did he panicked. "Um Lilny, we have to go now."

The girl looked confused, "why?" The lad grabbed her arm, and dragged her with him.

**
The doors opened up, about twelve kids came in holding what looked like phasers. "Step away from the thingy," Karhnian commanded.

"You, get up off the floor!" Karhnian yelled, pointing his phaser at Tom. He quickly climbed to his feet.

"What the hell is this all about, we're only trying to help you," James questioned.

"If we wanted to harm you we would have just left you alone to get blown up," Tom commented.

"That would be too easy, you brought him along to destroy us!" Karhnian screamed.

"What makes you think we want to kill you all of a sudden?" James asked.

The lad who was in the room before pointed at him, "we were warned about someone like you, you have a weird vibe coming from you."

**
"So what kind of bad 'vibe' do you get off of me?" James asked.

"A bad one," one of the kids replied.

James leaned closer to Tom and hit him across the head. One of the kids in between them backed off with a little scream.

Two of the kids pointed a phaser at James. "What did I do, I only hit Tom?"

The little girl pointed a finger at a cross necklace James had around his neck, "that hurt me."

James smiled nervously, "cross hurt girl, it burned her.. what kind of race gets hurt because of crosses?"

**
Kes' eyes widened, "vampires?"

"What do we do?" Chakotay questioned.

Tom turned rather pale, "I have a grisly theory." Everyone glanced in his direction. "They do know what they are or they know how to feed while being unaware, and they decided to feed on the adults."

"Look this ship will blow very soon, we just need to get off it before that happens," B'Elanna said.

"Look somebody distract them, I'll contact Voyager," Chakotay ordered.

James nodded his head, "that's easy." He grabbed Tom by the scruff of the neck, "I'll tear you apart limb by limb for that comment." He punched him in the face with his other hand.

Chakotay quickly tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Voyager, get us out of here."

**
"Ready weapons, prepare to return fire," Chakotay ordered.

"Yes Commander," Tuvok said. He keyed in several commands, "their shields are down, their hull is buckling."

"Yeah I got it, going to warp now," Danny muttered.

**
Jessie looked around the room nervously, "oh nothing incredibly interesting happened except that Ian saw me getting changed."

"I don't understand, what why, why?" James stuttered.

"Danny tried to get revenge on you but saw Ian, he tried to get revenge and saw me," Jessie replied.

James gasped, "she was trying to get revenge on me by catching me in the shower or something?"

"I have a better idea, get my own back on Ian by doing what he did to me," Jessie said.

James' eyes widened, "no no no, you're not doing that."

**
Jessie walked slowly into Ian's quarters, she made her way towards the bathroom. Not long after she entered she ran straight back out looking scared to death.

Not long after she left Tom emerged from the bathroom.

And now the conclusion
The Bridge:
"And then I kicked his furry a**," Harry finished his story.

"For those of us who have just tuned in, who's furry a**?" Danny questioned.

"My neighbours dog, the one that really needed a girlfriend," Harry muttered.

Chakotay stared blankly, "right, why did you tell that story?"

"It's a slow day," Harry replied.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "indeed."

"You really need to extend your vocabulary," Jessie commented.

"Hey just wondering, where's Janeway?" Harry asked.

"Good question. The last time I saw her was several hours ago and she had just gone into the Ready Room," Chakotay replied.

"Someone should check on her," Danny said. Everyone looked Chakotay's way.

"Oh son of a..." he groaned. He made his way towards the Ready Room. Once the doors opened he found Kathryn on the floor muttering to herself.

"Tea, I love tea, I want some tea... maybe I'll marry it," she muttered.

"Oh my god, she's delirious," Chakotay stuttered. He quickly tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Sickbay, Janeway is very ill."

"Oh Justin Timberlake is so hot, I want him now," Kathryn muttered.

"Hurry, I don't think she's got much time left," Chakotay stuttered.

In: "So I heard."

"Ooh I'm loving it... mmm McDonalds tea," Kathryn murmured, she fell unconscious.

"Damn McDonalds, they could have picked somebody else to promote them but noooo," Chakotay groaned.

Meanwhile, the FDA ship:
"Ah hah, take that b**ch!" Johnny yelled as he held down the space key.

Myleene gasped, "oh my god, did you see how far that one went?"

Gareth innocently walked over to stand behind them, "what you doing?"

"Playing Worms 3D, it's so cool. In one view it feels like you're actually firing the gun," Johnny replied with a deranged psycho look on his face, ok that's his normal posing face.

"Yeah but he's winning, the arsehole," Myleene grumbled.

"Say it isn't so," Gareth whined. Brannon came up behind him, he tapped him on the shoulder. Just as he turned around Brannon hit him in the face with a bat.

"Thank you," Myleene and Johnny muttered without taking their eyes off the screen.

"No problem, it's good to be back," Brannon muttered. Rick walked over.

"Is the rumours true?" he asked.

"About the new recruit, yes," Johnny replied.

"No, the one about us not being the FVDA anymore," Rick grumbled.

Brannon pulled out a packet of crisps and started stuffing his face, "there's a new recruit, who?"

"Obviously somebody annoying," Rick replied.

"Can't be as annoying as him over there," Myleene commented, beckoning her head in Justin's direction.

Justin leaned on a nearby wall, "so what do you say, you interested?" The computer he was standing nearby electrocuted him. "Owie, I take that as a no then."

"Oh please, you couldn't even get a date with a rabbit," the computer muttered.

Damien stumbled into the room, "did someone say rabbit?"

"Justin hit on your pet rabbits," the computer replied.

Damien went red with rage, "I'll kill you, you b***ard!" Justin screamed like he does in his songs, and ran for his life. Damien went running after him.

Johnny Junior walked into the room, "what's up jerk wads?"

"Damien's going to kill Justin again, same old," Gareth replied as he regained consciousness.

"Speaking of same old," Brannon grumbled.

Gwen Stefani stumbled into the room looking slightly drunk as usual, "hiya everyone!"

"Did she see us yet, did she see us yet?" Johnny stuttered.

"Do you want to meet my new boyfriend, and possibly my third wedding candidate?" Gwen asked.

"No," everyone, including Damien and Justin, replied. They both continued what they were doing.

Some guy wandered into the room, Gwen took a hold of his arm. "This is Seanie... say hi Sean."

"Sean Paul sayes heya," Sean 'rapped' in a dodgy accent.

"That's weird," Myleene muttered.

"I know that accent is so fake," Rick said.

"No, Super Sheep is easier to use in this version of the game," Myleene commented.

"So's shot gun but you don't hear me yapping about it," Johnny muttered.

Back on Voyager, Sickbay:
"What's wrong with her?" Chakotay asked.

The Doctor sighed, "the coffee we picked up is making her hallucinate, plus as an added bonus her other symptoms include dizzy spells and nausea."

"Speaking of nausea, she mentioned that she thought JT was hot, which he's not," Kes said.

"Yes well when she recovers from her delusional state that isn't going to help her nausea problem," the Doctor said.

"Has anyone else who's drank the coffee had this problem?" Chakotay asked.

"Well no, but the Captain exceeds everyone else's total share on her own in one day. She really should cut down to nothing until we can get some other kind," the Doctor replied.

"So what should we do?" Kes asked.

"Maybe sneak her decaf," Chakotay suggested.

"Only if you want to be killed," the Doctor muttered. "Her only chance of recovery is daily hypospray injections, and to lay off that coffee. Everyone else can drink it safely but just in case I think we should get rid of it."

"I'll get somebody on it," Chakotay said.

"How are we going to stop her from drinking coffee? Neelix has managed to put her off replicated coffee with some untrue sick story, and that stuff we got recently is the only supply left," Kes questioned.

The Doctor picked up a white box, "coffee patches are at the ready."

"You've got to be kidding. She's worse off on those, remember last time?" Chakotay grumbled.

March 2371:
Kathryn came out of her Ready Room, she sat down on her chair. "Captain, I must protest, we are going to a Kazon Nistrim ship to help them, it could be a trap," Neelix said.

"Don't bloody protest to me... leave me alone!" Kathryn screamed. Everyone looked her way. They saw a coffee patch on her hand, she kept rubbing it but it wouldn't come off.

Not long afterwards:
Kathryn was busy putting more coffee patches on her arm. Chakotay, Tuvok and James came in.

"Have a seat, now!" Kathryn yelled. She put another coffee patch on her arm as James sat down nervously.

"What's this about anyway?" James asked.

"Don't interrupt me!" Kathryn yelled. The three guys nearly got blown away by her yelling. "As I was saying..."

Present Day:
"Yes I remember," the Doctor said. "We have no choice though, it's either angry Captain or throwing up, delirious and collapsing Captain."

"Fine, do it but for the love of god let's hope another coffee supply is nearby," Chakotay muttered. He headed for the door, he stopped when he got there. "I never thought I'd hear myself say that."

Later, Conference Room:
The senior staff, excluding Kathryn, Tuvok and Chakotay, were sitting at the table discussing some important topics.

"So Janeway's on patches, Chakotay's avoiding her, what should we do?" Tom questioned.

"Well if we distract Janeway with something on the bridge, we can have a party," Danny suggested.

"What's the occasion?" Harry asked.

"Oh I don't know, Janeway is off the coffee maybe?" Danny replied.

"Yeah but her on the patches is not a good thing, I should know," James said.

"Ok whoever is not interested in the party, or the underage teens, you know like Lisa and co, they can man the bridge and find a place to find coffee. They can take her down to the surface, and then we party," Danny said.

"Which of the teens would be brave enough to put up with Janeway on caffeine patches?" B'Elanna questioned.

A little while later:
"This isn't another attempt at hurting yourself is it? I mean annoy the Captain and hopefully she'll hit you," Harry questioned.

Faye rolled her eyes, "no way, I'm passed the self harm thing, it hurts too much."

"So why do you want to do this?" Harry asked. Tom elbowed him.

"Cos Tom paid me," Faye replied.

Craig raised his hand, "yeah same here."

Claire nodded her head, "man I'm going to drink myself stupid later, not full of booze though, honestly."

Clive walked into the room, "ok Tom how much?"

Tom looked around nervously, "oh, they're all just joking."

"So it looks like we party after all," Danny said.

Claire gasped, "what, there's a party? Screw that, I'm going there!"

"Rations," Tom whispered to her.

Claire moaned, "no fair."

"We haven't finished with the plan yet, don't we need an actual planet with coffee on it?" Jessie questioned.

"Leave that part to me," Harry replied.

Later that night, the Bridge:
Kathryn leaned on the opps station nearby a very nervous looking Craig. "So, coffee supplies huh?"

"Yes sir, Captain um I mean ma'am," Craig stuttered.

Faye, who was standing nearby him, shook her head, "it's not crunch time Craig."

Craig frowned, "uh, Captain?"

"Right," Kathryn responded with a glare. She headed back to her chair.

Faye raised her eyebrow, "Craig, where do you work?"

"Uh," Craig muttered as he looked around the room. Kathryn was now in her chair, Claire was at the helm, and Clive was at Tactical. "I have no idea, when did we all pick?"

"About five minutes ago," Faye replied.

"Damn, where can I go then?" Craig moaned.

"Science or Engineering station, have fun," Faye replied.

Craig headed for the Science station while muttering under his breath.

"How long until the coffee planet kiddo?" Kathryn asked in Claire's direction.

Claire briefly glanced behind her, "another hour ma'am."

"Uhoh," everyone else stuttered.

"It's not crunch time Miss Lewis!" Kathryn yelled.

Claire cringed, "right sorry Captain."

"I'll be in my Ready Room not drinking coffee," Kathryn muttered, she headed for her Ready Room.

"There isn't any coffee in there right?" Clive questioned.

"Nope," Claire replied.

"Damn, I could do with a cup," Clive grumbled.

Faye's eyes lit up, "ooh me too."

"Hmm, I wonder how the party's going," Craig said.

The Mess Hall:
A full blown party was in progress. Party food was mostly untouched on top of the tables, however lots of empty bottles were lying around everywhere. A lot of the people in the room were completely hammered. Most of the drunks danced stupidly in the centre of the room, a lot of the others were lying unconscious on the ground.

Tom was busy hitting on a group of girls, "so girls, what do you think of having a guy who can burp pop hits such as Tragedy or I Will Survive?"

"Um, come back when we're drunk," one girl said, she sipped some of her coke.

"That'll be never," another girl muttered.

The first girl turned around to try and block Tom from the group. He didn't get the hint, he put his arms around two of the girls. "Ok, one at a time, or do you want to go on a group date?"

Neelix ran passed the group, yes he was streaking again.

Danny and Jessie were meanwhile sitting nearby the viewport, luckily neither of them saw Neelix. James walked over to them, ok walked is the wrong word, stumbled. "Hiya."

Jessie grinned, "hey."

Danny sat up and reached out for another bottle, "damn you guys have beaten me."

"So Jess." James smiled cheekily, "how are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine baby, how you doing?" Jessie giggled.

Danny groaned as she stood up, "James don't let her drink anymore." She walked away.

At that moment the entire casted FDA crew rematerialised nearby the dance floor. Since most of the Voyager crew were drunk they didn't notice or care if they did. The Intruder Alert alarm went off, but everyone just thought the lights were disco lights.

Chakotay walked into the room, "hey what the... what's going on?"

Tom stumbled over with a drink in his hands, "party Chuckles."

"I noticed that part, why is Damien and his crew here?" Chakotay asked.

Damien made his way over, "we really need a night off, plus some booze." He stood closer to Chakotay, "ok don't tell my crew but I'm just here to get some of that deadly coffee you have."

Chakotay smiled, "do you want to trade your supply with ours?"

"Sure deal, Myleene come on and get a drink with me!" Damien yelled.

Myleene wasn't listening, she and Tom were getting on very well. "Hey, wanna make out in the corner?" he asked.

"Ok!" Myleene yelled. She and him wandered off.

"Screw it, where's Justin?" Damien asked as he looked around.

The Bridge:
"Ok it's been an hour, let's go!" Kathryn yelled.

The teens all cringed. "Captain, we're not allowed near the planet," Faye stuttered.

"What!?" Kathryn screamed.

"We tried to do the cute kid thing to get through. Boy they've got stone cold hearts," Claire murmured

"Maybe we should get a girl to act slutty," Craig said. He and Clive looked in Claire's direction.

"Hey!" Claire moaned.

"Sorry Claire, it's just Faye is too shy to act like that," Clive muttered.

"Yeah but Faye is cuter," Craig whispered.

Claire folded her arms and pouted, Faye looked around nervously.

"It's a matter of opinion," Claire grumbled. She looked towards Clive. "Tell him."

"I'm staying out of this for sanity reasons," Clive muttered.

Steam started to come out of Kathryn's ears, "ok just fire all weapons or something!"

"Maybe we should just find another planet," Faye said.

Kathryn collapsed into her chair, she folded her arms in a huff, "fine."

End of Part I

Part II

An hour later, the Mess Hall:
"You look so hot, or is this room just hot?" Ian said in Danny's direction.

Danny shook her head, "why the hell is everyone drunk before me?"

"I'm not drunk!" Ian yelled. He leaned in very close to her, "shh, I'm a little drunk."

"Ugh," Danny groaned, she walked away.

Samantha stormed into the room, "hey!" The party stopped, everyone looked at her. "Either turn that crap down or give me some booze!"

Somebody passed her a bottle, the party continued.

Damien walked over to Sid, "hey are you that Sid guy I heard about?"

Sid grinned, "yeah man, what do you want?"

"I heard you wanted a partner for something," Damien replied.

Sid's eyes lit up, "are you volunteering?"

"No but Gareth just did. Justin was going to but he drank all those coffee supplies, the b***ard," Damien grumbled.

"Cool, which one's Gareth?" Sid asked. Damien pointed in Gareth's direction. Sid grinned, he ran towards him.

"That'll teach him for eating all those rabbit shaped spaghetti," Damien laughed, he wandered off.

Meanwhile James and Jessie were sitting on the sofa still, James was trying to keep on topic but Jessie kept throwing him off. "Yeah and whatever happens, we always end up back together kinda. Like magnets."

Jessie started giggling, "do you remember that science experiments with those two magnets? The teacher wasn't happy that we pointed one at his new ear ring."

"Guess who else isn't happy," James muttered. Jessie shrugged. "Me!"

Jessie pouted, "aaaw, you poor thing."

"Can you just let me finish what I'm saying?" James questioned.

"You're the one who keeps stopping," Jessie replied.

James groaned, "that's cos you keep interrupting me!"

Jessie looked confused for a second, she smiled when she got it, "oh."

James calmed down quickly, "ok where was I? Oh yes the magnet part. Right, I think the cause of this is us, well we have to be together. In order for us to be together I think that..."

Jessie gasped and pointed at him, "oh my god, you're pregnant!"

James stared blankly at her, "what... I can't get pregnant."

"Oh, that would be cute you know like that film called Junior," Jessie giggled.

"Look do you want to get proposed to or not?" James snapped.

Jessie gasped again, "aaaw, really? This is the most beautiful moment of my life, not including times I look in the mirror though."

Thompson and Foster walked passed dragging Neelix out of the room. "Come on Mister Streaker, to the brig with you," Foster grumbled, while looking up at the ceiling.

Thompson, who was also looking up at the ceiling, "I feel kinda gay doing this." He and Foster dumped Neelix onto another Security guy.

"Yeah me too," Foster muttered.

"Want to do something manly, like hook up with a girl?" Thompson asked.

"Yeah please," Foster muttered.

Thompson turned to O'Hara, "turbolift?"

She giggled, "sure." She and Thompson stepped out.

Foster looked around nervously, he spotted Gwen. "Hey, do you want to go out with me?"

Gwen giggled in her usual way, "hey why not."

Sean walked up to the pair, "Sean Paul saysa geta thee hella waya from my girla."

Foster stared blankly, "huh?"

Ian walked over to James and Jessie, "hey guys."

James picked up a hula hoop crisp, "do you think this'll do?"

Jessie shrugged, "give it here." She snatched it off him and put it on her finger, yes she has thin fingers.

"Hey guys!" Ian yelled.

"Oh hi Ian," James said.

"It's really tight, oh well it's kinda pretty in a 'mmm tasty' kind of way," Jessie said, giggling her head off.

Ian raised his eyebrow, "um why is she wearing a crisp on her finger?"

"We're getting married," James replied.

Most of the drunken men put their hands up, "best man!"

Ian raised his hand not longer afterwards, "best... aaw."

"I call bridesmaid!" most of the girls yelled.

"No fair," Ian muttered.

"You wanted to be a bridesmaid too?" James said in disbelief.

Ian pulled a face at him, "shut up!"

"Guess what else is happening, James is pregnant," Jessie said.

"I'm not pregnant!" James exclaimed.

"Phew, nearly had nightmare visions there," Ian muttered.

"What kind of visions?" Jessie asked.

"Me pregnant," Ian muttered.

"Thank god," James said.

"Oh my god, what's that!" Gareth screamed. Nobody listened to him.

Tom and Myleene walked back into view, Tom had lipstick marks all over his face. "Call me!" he yelled after her.

"My god there's an ugly bat thing nearby Justin!" Gareth screamed and pointed nearby Justin.

"Ooh I'm burning, oh oh!" Jessie suddenly started singing. She pressed a button on the CD player, "who wants Lately on?"

James gently slapped her hand away, "no DJ damn it."

"It's flying down, aaaggghh it has big teeth!" Gareth screamed, he started jumping up and down.

Danny stumbled over, "let's go slow with Unforgivable Sinner, I can dance with Ian."

"Oooh It's Your Duty!" Harry yelled out.

Jessie looked disgusted, "you don't sing that!"

Gareth started running around the room, "we're all going to die!"

Danny giggled, "thank god, I couldn't imagine him in one of the outfits in that video."

"Too much details," Kes commented.

"Oh I get the whole joke now. My actor has to sing the song, oh crap," Harry mumbled.

"Why is nobody paying attention to me!" Gareth screamed. He rushed over to the CD Player, he put one of his rubbish songs on.

Suddenly the whole party stopped. "Hey! I can't dance to that crap!" Brannon yelled

"I second to that," Clive commented.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the bridge distracting Janeway?" Tom asked.

Clive looked worried, "uhoh." He ran out of the room.

Justin giggled, "hey you want something to dance too, one of my songs?"

"Uh uh no way, there are windows in this room and well there's space outside," Rick muttered.

Gareth lost his temper, "for crying out loud, can't anyone else see that big bat thing flying around the room!?!?"

Everybody then looked up at the ceiling, the bat thing the awayteam captured in Lately was flying around the room.

Justin looked down at himself, "oh I was wondering what poked me before." He collapsed into a coma.

Danny just laughed, "ah ha, you won't get out of that for two weeks."

"Ok who votes we leave the room and party somewhere else!?" Tom yelled to get everyone's attention. All the conscious people cheered and followed him out of the room. Justin and several other unconscious drunks were left behind.

Captains Log Supplemental: Like the cuddly wuddly bear he is, Chakotay has gotten me some new lovely nice and new coffee. supposedly the creature that makes the lethal coffee is still hanging around in the Mess Hall, I'm thinking of a plan to get rid of it but somehow I get distra... oh coffee.

The next day, outside Danny's Quarters:
Danny stuck her head through her own door, "hey it's clear." She went back inside, a few seconds later Ian stepped out.

"Are you ashamed of me or something?" he asked.

"No, it's just people will get the wrong idea," Danny replied.

"Danny, I only fell asleep on your floor," Ian muttered.

"Think about it, people coming passed might think otherwise," Danny said.

It then hit him, "oh right, I get your point." He rushed off down the corridor.

Meanwhile, James/Jessie's Quarters:
Jessie woke up on the living room sofa, she tried to lift her head but the hangover kicked in just then. She looked around the room, she saw James on the nearby chair. "Damn hangover, James are you awake?"

All she heard from the chair was a groan. "What the hell, why are we here?"

"I don't know, I think we just gave up on the way to bed," Jessie replied.

James got off the chair, "I'll go to Sickbay for some pain killers." He stepped out of the room.

Jessie slowly sat up, she yawned into her left hand. As she moved her hand away she noticed something weird about one of her fingers, "oh my god."

The Bridge:
"You traded the coffee? How it was lethal?" Kathryn questioned.

"Damien, he has people like Justin and Gareth in his crew, work the rest out," Chakotay replied.

"So how does the coffee bat fit into this story?" Kathryn asked.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "my theory is that it escaped and it was attracted to the loud music."

Danny shook her head gently as she could, "firstly duh, secondly most probably."

"Wait, what loud music?" Kathryn asked.

Everyone stared blankly. Chakotay laughed nervously, "loud footsteps don't you mean Tuvok."

Jessie stepped onto the bridge looking slightly pale, "sorry I'm late, whatever." She went to her station, she was greeted by an unknown crewmember sitting in her chair.

Danny rushed over, "oh Jess, this is Lynsey, she wants to work on the bridge so she'll be learning from every senior officer."

"Ok, Lynsey do you know how to play Tetris?" Jessie asked.

"Yes," Lynsey replied.

"Ok, what about Battleships?" Jessie muttered.

Lynsey nodded her head, "I know a lot of games."

"Well you're not going to learn much from me," Jessie said.

"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Danny commented.

Jessie glared at her, "I woke up on my sofa, but that's not all." She took a ring out of her pocket, "look what I found on my engagement finger."

Danny bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. "Oh that's a pretty ring," Lynsey giggled.

"Who proposed to me last night, somebody tell me," Jessie grumbled.

Danny shrugged, "I dunno, I was hammered. Did you wake up with anyone?"

Jessie rolled her eyes, "no the sofa just had me on it, James was nearby but that's it."

"Maybe he did," Danny said.

"Even drunk James wouldn't propose to anyone," Jessie muttered.

"Whoever it was had to of replicated it. Just check the logs and you'll find out who it was," Lynsey suggested.

Jessie put the ring back in her pocket, "good idea."

"We're being hailed," Harry said.

"On screen," Kathryn ordered.

"Wait, by who?" Chakotay asked.

Harry sighed, "the FDA ship."

Kathryn frowned, "what do they want?"

"On screen," Chakotay said.

Damien appeared on the viewscreen. "Are you sure you don't have anymore of that coffee? Not only did Justin drink all of the stuff you gave us, but he came back to life a few hours later."

"The coffee doesn't kill, at least that quickly anyway," Kathryn muttered.

"Yeah well he got stung too," Damien said.

Chakotay sighed, "look the creature that makes it is stuck in our Mess Hall, and we can't sedate it as a few crewmembers are still in there."

"Oh it's one of those things, we used to have one," Brannon commented.

"Wait, wasn't Justin left behind in the Mess Hall too?" Danny questioned.

"Oh come on, the man comes back to life everytime he's killed, continuity is hardly a problem for him," Damien grumbled.

"True," everyone on the bridge said in unison.

"Can't we beam that thing to your ship?" Harry questioned.

"I doubt it, somebody would have to grab it or put a commbadge on it," Chakotay replied.

Damien smiled deviously, "I have an idea."

Five minutes later:
Damien reappeared on the bridge, "ok that didn't work."

Chakotay groaned, "what happened?"

"Well I wanted to send some of my annoying celebs to catch it, cos let's face their lives aren't important, but the thing just ran away," Damien replied.

"Flew away," Gareth corrected. Damien punched him in the face, he turned back to the viewscreen.

"Damn annoying celebs," Damien grumbled.

"I'll think of something," Kathryn said. She stood up and headed for the Ready Room while shaking her head, "villains, can't do anything right."

The Mess Hall, dinner time:
Danny, Jessie and Lynsey were at a table eating lunch.

"I don't understand it," Jessie muttered.

Lynsey shifted her eyes nervously, "no neither do I."

"How can you lose a ring from your pocket?" Danny asked.

Jessie glared at her, "I don't know but I have to get it back, James'll kill me."

"It's not like he was sober when he did it, I doubt he'd be bothered," Danny said.

Jessie stared at her blankly, "uh Danny."

"What?" Danny muttered.

Jessie raised both eyebrows, "did you see how many rations he had to pay for it."

Danny frowned, "yeah so... oh, oh."

"I have to find it, suggestions?" Jessie said.

Lynsey sighed, "check the bridge?"

"Yeah that was the last time I saw it," Danny said.

Jessie started headbutting the table, once she finished she leaned into her hands, "you guys are useless. I already looked around the whole room."

Danny and Lynsey glanced at each other. "Right, here's a good suggestion. Don't panic," Danny said.

"Don't panic!" Jessie yelled in Danny's direction. She looked very nervous. "James will be coming to the Mess Hall to get food, he never eats Neelix's crap, so how the hell will he able to get food without noticing his ration shortage!"

Danny glanced at her plate and fiddled with her fork shyly, "I dunno."

"I know," Lynsey said cheerfully.

Jessie and Danny glanced at her. "Well spit it out," Danny quickly said.

"Can any of you cook? If you can take over from Neelix today quickly, and hopefully this James guy will eat some of it instead of replicating food. Thus buying you more time," Lynsey said.

"None of us can cook," Danny muttered.

"Well maybe Danny can replicate him something, you know make up something. You could say he gave you some advice, but he doesn't remember cos he didn't, and you're just paying him back," Jessie said.

"You lost the ring so you should do it," Danny said.

Jessie glared at her, "Danny!"

Danny cowered, "yes ma'am." She glanced at both doors, "he's not here yet so..."

Lynsey eyed her drink nervously, "so um, you've got to be prepared for the possibility that somebody has stolen the ring."

Jessie glanced at her, "how's that possible? Only me, you, and Danny know about this."

Lynsey's eyes widened, "yeah how dumb of me."

Danny and Jessie glanced at her, she shifted her eyes. "Did you pick pocket her?" Danny asked.

Lynsey glanced at the table, "no."

Jessie stared at her with an icy glare on her face, "you pick pocketed me!?"

"It's not what you think Jess, she only does it to practise um pick pocketing," Danny stuttered.

"Well give it back if you were just practising," Jessie said.

"I would have about ten minutes ago but I couldn't," Lynsey muttered.

"Why not?" Jessie grumbled.

"I lost it," Lynsey said quietly.

"How!?" Jessie yelled.

Lynsey moved her chair back a bit, "it was in my pocket ten minutes ago."

"That's not an answer!" Jessie yelled.

Danny put a comforting hand on her arm. "Calm down Jess."

"It was technically an answer. Ten minutes ago we had just sat down to eat, and do you remember how I ate my food?" Lynsey said.

"Yeah you had a sandwich and..." Danny said. She and Jessie stared at her open mouthed. "You swallowed her ring?"

"Yep, that's why I coughed for two minutes," Lynsey meekly said.

Jessie looked like she was going to cry, "why didn't you tell me before? I can't put it back into the replicator if it's in you!"

"I'll pay you the money, I promise," Lynsey stuttered.

Danny pulled a disgusted face, "you're not planning on keeping the ring when it eventually, you know when you get it back?"

"No," Jessie and Lynsey replied at the same time.

"Good, cos it's an engagement ring," Jessie said.

"I knew that, I never planned on keeping it," Lynsey said.

Jessie glanced towards the doorway, she glanced back at Lynsey, "if you pay me now we'll call it even. But you have to promise to chuck the ring if you get it back."

Lynsey laughed, "like I'd want to keep it after I nearly choked on it."

"She'd have to put it back in the replicator, it's not fair otherwise," Danny said quietly.

"I don't care, as long as I can pay back James. Now shut up he's coming," Jessie said.

James came over to the table, "when did the Mess Hall reopen?"

"Not long ago," Danny replied.

Lynsey stood up, "ok I got to go." She headed for the door.

James sat down in the chair she was sitting in before, "who the hell was that?"

Jessie glanced at Danny, "Dan, ahem."

Danny stood up, "oh yeah, I've got things to um do, bye." She followed Lynsey out of the room.

"Ok what's going on?" James asked.

"Have you tried to use the replicator today?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah, it said I used up all my rations. How did I do that?" James replied.

Jessie looked nervous, "um well, I know. When you were drunk you replicated a present for me, a girl stole it just to practise supposedly, she's gone to get money to pay you back."

James looked confused, "ookay but why didn't she just give the present back to one of us?"

"Cos she can't just yet," Jessie muttered.

"Why not?" James asked.

"She, um swallowed it," Jessie replied.

James pulled a face, "what kind of present was it?"

"Um, a ring," Jessie meekly replied.

"Ok why pay that much on a ring, I had lots of rations saved up. I didn't think rings were that expensive," James questioned.

Jessie laughed nervously, "you were drunk, you were obviously not thinking straight."

"I was saving for a present for you, but you don't like rings," James muttered.

"Alcohol, it's a funny thing," Jessie said.

"I guess, until I get my money back can I borrow some of yours to get food?" James questioned.

"Sure," Jessie replied. She stood up, "what do you want?"

"Anything cheap," James replied.

Jessie raised her eyebrow, "you're paying me back right?"

"All right, just a plate of chips please," James muttered.

Jessie headed for the replicator, she sighed in relief.

The Bridge:
"The FDA ship is leaving Captain," Harry said.

Kathryn smiled, "good."

"How did you give them the bat?" Chakotay asked.

"It was easy," Kathryn replied.

Tom pulled a face from behind her, "it was my idea."

Chakotay looked up at him, "what did you do?"

"I just put some of Justin's songs on, on a volume so it won't break the windows but the bat could still hear it," Tom replied.

"You're right that was easy," Harry commented.

Kathryn pouted, "I came up with that plan."

"No you didn't," Tom grumbled.

Kathryn glared at him, "yes I did."

Tom's eyes widened, "uh huh, yes ma'am." He walked over to Harry, "god if you told me that James and her were related, I would believe you."

Harry laughed, "yeah right. What kind of stupid writer would make that crap up?"

****THE END****

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