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Harry and Craig both were going down a corridor on Voyager. They walked into the Mess Hall to find no one there, and the whole room to be murky and dark. "What the... what's going on?" Harry asked.

"I dunno," Craig muttered in response.

Four older people walked into the room via the other doors. Harry and Craig gasped in shock. "Mum, dad?" Harry stuttered.

"Yes son, it is us," Harry's dad said.

"This is impossible, you're both dead," Craig said in shock.

"It's ok son, we're here," Craig's mum said.

"Yes, we're hear to give you a message," Craig's dad said.

"A message, erm ok," Harry said.

"Yes, we're going to give it to you in the form of a song," Harry's mum said.

"Oh dear, can't you just tell us it?" Craig said questioningly.

"No, where's the fun in that?" Craig's dad said.

In a flash the parents all turned into dancing skeletons. Craig and Harry's eyes widened in horror as they watched them attempting to dance.

"If you're stupid and you know it... ignore this song," Harry's dad sang.

"And if you care about Tani and you know it... go to Malain," Craig's dad sang. The music stopped abruptly.

"Can't you sing the song to the tune right?" Craig's mum asked angrily.

"Obviously this song is stupid," Craig's dad replied.

A dog ran into the room, it bit into Harry's dad and ran away with his arm bones. "Hey gimme that back you stupid dog!" He ran after it.

"Um, this isn't real right?" Harry asked.

"If it is, I need help," Craig muttered.

"Hey, it worked on Monkey Island," Harry's mum moaned. She and Craig's parents screamed, they ran off. Harry's dad continued to chase the dog. The dog looked pretty scared and it ran out of the room too, with the angry skeleton.

"What? What did we say?" Harry asked.

Craig shrugged, he turned around and he jumped a mile. Harry looked confused and he turned around too.

"Booo!" Captain Buck, who was right behind the two, yelled.

"Ohno, you can't be here, you're dead," Harry said.

"No you halfwit, I was already dead when you met me. Now I'll get my revenge," Captain Buck said.

"But it was Harry that did it," Craig moaned. Harry elbowed him hard.

"You both had a little hand in it. Wakey wakey," Captain Buck said. He pulled out a phaser and he shot them both.

Craig's Quarters:
Craig woke up suddenly and he sat upright in his bed. "Thank god, only a dream," he muttered. He then lay back down on his bed.

Meanwhile in Harry's Quarters:
Harry woke up, but he didn't sit up; he just fell off the bed. "Ow! Stupid gravity," he said as he rubbed his head.

The next morning:
It was a typical morning on the Bridge. Kathryn cradled and sang to her coffee cup like a baby. Kiara sat on the floor in front of her, probably wondering why her mother loved the coffee more than her. Chakotay was pretending that neither was happening. Tom thought it was appropriate to be telling a story about his antics the previous night towards the Opps station. Jessie sat at her station keeping to herself with an unknown game. Tuvok of course was the only one working.

Kathryn closed her eyes before taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes quickly widened again. "Oh my god, this is decaf! Who keeps giving me this crap!"

"How does Neelix do it?" Chakotay muttered to himself.

Kathryn threw the cup to the ground, spilling the decaf everywhere. "Where the hell is Harry?"

Tom looked confused, he then realised he was actually talking to an annoyed woman. "Oh."

Chakotay sighed, "while we're on the subject Tom. I'd prefer it if you didn't tell the story about how you and B'Elanna almost, when my daughter is here."

"Who's Tom?" Tom squeaked, he kept his head down.

Harry stepped out of the turbolift looking a bit worse for wear. Morgan was right behind him, talking about something. He headed for his station, but she quickly stepped in front of him, looking mad.

"Are you even listening to me!?" she snapped.

"You look fine," Harry mumbled.

Morgan groaned, "ugh if you're not going to listen, you could at least lie. Yeesh!" She flicked the hair in her face back. "I'm just wondering if you've seen Tani since we returned. I know you didn't come back right away, with me and Craig. Was she there when you got your ass kicked?"

Harry then realised what she was talking about. "Wait, Tani? Oh god." He rushed around her to Opps. "Computer locate Tani Henderson."

"Tani Henderson is not aboard the ship," the computer's voice replied.

"Ohno. Captain, it's Buck again. My parents told me in my dream that we should go to Malain if we care about her," Harry said.

"Ok, he's cracked," Jessie muttered.

"Harry, what are you talking about?" Chakotay asked.

"I think Captain Buck has kidnapped her," Harry replied.

"Who and what are you on about?" Kathryn asked.

Harry groaned, "it was only the previous part! It's not like it was a few episodes ago."

Everyone thought for a few seconds, "oh yeah."

"So you're saying that she's been kidnapped by him just because your parents told you in a dream," Tom snickered.

"Yes... finally!" Harry sighed in relief.

"Oh come on, you didn't know she was missing until a few moments ago. Why would you dream of something like that?" Kathryn asked.

"I dunno, the only thing I can think of is someone was actually trying to tell me what was going to happen," Harry replied.

"Sounds realistic," Morgan said. Everyone turned to her all with raised eyebrows. "Oh come on, it's Fifth Voyager remember."

"She's getting used to it," Tom said.

"Right, let's be more realistic. A ship wouldn't have gotten that far if they had just taken them yesterday. All we have to do is..." Kathryn said.

"Mum, they'll be using a Tolg ship. They can go into transwarp," Morgan said.

"Ok screw that. Harry, take someone down to the second planet with you and get me some real coffee," Kathryn ordered. She dumped a load of replicated money on Harry's console.

"Don't you think Tani is more important than your coffee?" Harry asked. Kathryn glared at him with a very scary look in her eyes. "Of course she isn't, I'll go now." Harry then rushed out of the Bridge.

The planet Scabbia:
Harry, Craig and Morgan all rematerialised near a small bridge. The area was dark and creepy, the three moons were the only things lighting up the place.

"Why were we volunteered to get Janeway's coffee supplies?" Craig asked.

"Don't worry, we're not going to do that. I asked you lot to come with me because we were all in the Buck situation together, well sorta," Harry said as he glanced towards Morgan.

"I don't get it, Buck's dead," she muttered.

"He was dead when we first met him anyway," Craig muttered. Harry glanced at him looking worried.

"All right, deader," Morgan groaned.

"That's what he said in my dream," Harry said.

"Really, me too," Craig said.

"Did your parents and my parents turn into skeletons and start singing, and then Buck came along?" Harry asked. Morgan giggled into her hand.

"Yes that's what happened," Craig replied.

"Well Tani's missing and we have to find a way to Malain without Janeway finding out. If both of us had the dream then it must be some sort of message. Did you have a similar dream?" Harry asked.

"No, I have normal people dreams," Morgan replied.

"In that case, we should split up, we have to find some transport," Harry said.

"What makes you think transport from here is going to get us there faster than Voyager will?" Morgan asked. "Mum's not that observant, we can just nick the Flyer. It's not like it's made of coffee."

"Um well, you see... um, there might be... ah to heck with it," Harry stuttered before dragging Craig with him towards the Bridge.

Morgan shook her head before taking off in the opposite direction.

As soon as Harry and Craig got to the Bridge a small guy waltsed over to them. "Gimme all your money!"

"No way," Harry said.

"Yeah, go and mug someone else you shortie," Craig said boldly.

"Ooh tough guys huh. I know what to do with tough guys. I want you to meet my good friend, the Narrator," the guy said.

"Ohno," Harry muttered.

Ah hah, so we meet again!

"Oh crap, not again," Craig muttered.

"I still need to get revenge on you so I'll..." Harry said.

The short guy gathered up all his Borg strength and knocked both guys to the ground. He stole all the money and he ran off laughing.

"Huh? Damn it!" Craig yelled from the ground.

"I'll get back at you, no one steals my money!" Harry yelled.

"It wasn't your money, it was Janeway's coffee money," Craig muttered as he stood up.

"Oh well, he did some good," Harry said as he stood up too.

"But won't we need that money to get transport?" Craig asked.

"Huh... ah son of a..." Harry grumbled.


PART 4: The Narrator Vs Harry Kim... who will kick butt?

"Ok, that's a really stupid chapter name," Morgan said.

PART 4: Morgan falls into the dirty swamp and er that's about it

"Eeew!" Morgan complained as she dragged herself back onto the land. "Just wait till I get my hands on you."

After getting the worst of the swamp sludge off her, she noticed an open coffin floating nearby. Next to it was a sign with an arrow and some text on it.

"No way, not in a million years," Morgan grumbled at it. She then decided to read the sign.


"Aaahahahahahaha, so now who's useless! Mwahahahahahaha!" the voodoo lady laughed. She wiped a tear from her eye, "oh please buy something."

Morgan looked around the small room, "hey, there's no Cherry Coke here!" Her face grimaced at all the weird potions sitting on the shelves, then pulled a face at the voodoo lady. "Did you say something?"

The voodoo lady sighed, "how else would I get customers, hmm? Now I'm sure I can be of help anyway, right?"

"Do you own a ship or a shuttle?" Morgan asked. "Or even just a replicator."

"No, I have something better," the voodoo lady said, she held up a scraggly looking doll.

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "how old do you think I am?" She turned on her heel.

"No wait! I sense you need this!" the voodoo lady screeched, throwing not one but two dolls in front of the teen. "Your companions have just been mugged by the man who is in league with the narrator. You will need one of these to get revenge on him. I can't remember which one it is though. They all look alike."

"No thanks, we already have a scary looking doll," Morgan muttered.

"No no, you'll see what its use is," the voodoo lady said and she smiled slyly.

Harry and Craig went inside a small building which turned out to be a mini hotel. "Well I'm sure we'll find transport here," Craig muttered sarcastically.

"Oh shut up it's all part of the episode's puzzles," Harry said. He headed towards one of the doors. A guy walked up to him.

"No you can't go in there, that's somebody's room," the guy said.

"Oh sorry, we have to solve the puzzle don't we?" Harry said. He pulled out a phaser and he shot the guy.

"Is that the answer to all the puzzles?" Craig asked.

"Oh yeah," Harry replied. He and Craig went into the room but they ended up face to face with the small guy.


Meanwhile back at the swamp Morgan was busy poking one of the dolls with her finger.


Back at the hotel Harry and Craig looked like they were in deep trouble.

"What the hell are you doing here?" the small guy asked.

"Um, we want the money back," Craig muttered.

The small guy started to go over to them but he jumped a mile. He started rubbing his butt like it hurt. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Harry asked.

The small guy screamed and he jumped a metre into the air again. "Stop that right now!"

"Um, no! We demand that you leave this planet and give us all our money back!" Harry demanded. Craig glanced at him looking confused.

"Ha, I spent all the money already!" the small guy laughed. He jumped in pain again.

"Ok, just leave the planet," Harry said.

"You can't make me," the small guy snarled.

"Oh yeah?" Harry said questioningly.

The small guy jumped a couple of times, he ran out of the room screaming.

"Right, now we'd better get some transport to Malain, ok Harry," Craig groaned.

"Ok, whatever," Harry said. The small guy ran back in.

"Did you say Malain, haha you're out of your league there," the small guy laughed.

"Keep walking," Harry said.

The small guy groaned, then he screamed and ran out.

Growing tired of the dolls, Morgan started walking down a nearby street. The small guy ran in her direction. He smirked to himself, obviously thinking she was an easy target. Just as he was about to grab her, she casually shoved him sideways. He somehow managed to fall right through a nearby basement window, and straight into a giant cooking pot. Lucky for him, the gas wasn't on.

Hey, did I miss anything? The queue for the toilets was huge! Um, where did he go?

The small guy could only splutter as he'd swallowed some of the soup he'd landed in. The chef nearby seemed oblivious to everything.

"Yes we do have some food here, I'll just go and ask the chef if he's done yet," a guy's voice said.

The chef then rushed over to the sloppy soup, not noticing the man for some reason. A large man walked into the room. "The soup is doing very well, sir. Do you want to try some?" the chef proudly said.

"Yes I'd love to," the guy replied. With a ladle he scooped up some of the soup, and took a sip. "Oh my goodness, what is this!?"

"It's coffee soup sir," the chef replied.

"Coffee soup? You're fired!" the guy yelled.

In the next room Harry and Craig stood near a small bar, looking very nervous.

"Maybe we should bring some back for Janeway," Craig suggested.

"We... have... no... money," Harry slowly said, his patience starting to run out.

The chef ran past the pair sobbing. The larger man emerged from the kitchen holding a bowl. "Here you go lads, best in town." He put down the bowl, allowing the two men to see the brown slop with a hair on top.

"But be my guest," Harry said.

Craig shuddered, "who's that suicidal?"

A light switched on in Harry's head, "oh, this must mean you need a new chef, right?"

"No lad, you're too slow," the man gruffly said.

"Got a new chef already?" Harry stuttered. "But how?"

"Yeah, she should be a lot better than the other one," the guy said.

The pair heard the door opening again and they glanced over to see who it was. They gasped in shock or horror, take your pick.

"You told me there would be knives, there are none," Morgan said with a guilty look on her face. Of course that wasn't the only thing giving her away, something metallic fell from her trouser leg. She quickly knelt down to pick it up.

"Oh my god, how?" Harry stuttered. He glared at Craig, "how do you two solve these stupid puzzles before me, without a phaser?"

Craig shook his head while Morgan quickly put a kitchen knife into the waist of her jeans. "Is her pay enough to get some decent transport off this planet?" Craig asked the man.

"Decent no, transport yes. That reminds me, I have to pay her first week's salary in advance," the guy replied. He handed some money to Morgan.

"We won't be able to get the money if she's still working here, we can't leave without her," Craig whispered to Harry.

"You're right," Harry said, he was about to draw his phaser but Craig stopped him. The man stupidly didn't notice this, he ushered Morgan and himself into the kitchen.

"No, we just have to get her fired," Craig said quietly.

"Yes, fired," Harry said, putting a lot of emphasis on fired.

A loud crash startled them both. "What the hell! Why is there a little man in the soup?"

"What? He started it!" Morgan's voice snapped.

"That should do the trick," Craig cringed.

"Little man?" Harry said with a raised eyebrow. Another two thuds made them jump.

Morgan stepped out of the kitchen, organising her new knife collection. The two guys looked at her expectantly. "So, how did you two solve the last game without me, hmm?" she smiled. "Now, who do I hit next?" They looked at each other instead.

Craig sighed, "you're a bad example for her."

Harry smiled like he was proud, "it works, don't knock it."


Meanwhile on Malain:
Some guy in a tribal outfit and gigantic fruit shaped mask on was standing around on his own in a large room.

So where is the ugly ponce?

A couple of muffles came from the huge mask the guy was wearing. He pointed at something, it was Buck standing at the doorway.

"You know I did hear that," Buck said as he limped into the room.

The guy took off his mask, it was the small guy from Scabbia. "It's a good thing I was wearing this. He spits way too much."

Buck narrowed his eyes and he spat in the guys face. "Well that's the result of my allergic reaction, so shut the hell up."

So what's going to happen then? What's the plan?

"You tell us you moron, you're the narrator," the small guy grunted.

You know that I have the power to do anything to you

"Yeah yeah, if that was true you would have got rid of that guy easily," the small guy said.

Ok almost anything

"Enough, if those Voyager crewmembers find that starchart to the gate we may as well quit now," Buck said.

"That doesn't sound very villainous," the small guy muttered.

"Well I'd like to see you do better," Buck grumbled.

"So why are the Voyager crewmembers not allowed to find the starchart?" the small guy asked.

Buck groaned. "Oh come on, don't you remember me mentioning that I kidnapped my bride. That'll really annoy that fake blond bimbo Andy-Pansy-son," Buck replied, sniggering to himself.

"Nope but that comment was an insult to blondes," the small guy said as he stroked his hair.

"Your hair is ginger," Buck muttered.

"What, not again!" the small guy screamed and he ran out.

Somewhere different on Scabbia:
The awayteam were wandering around what looked like an old fashioned harbour. Instead of sailing ships, broken shuttles littered the docks.

"Ok I confess, all the ships I have, have a habit of crashing. I don't know why. Please don't shoot me," the owner of the harbour stuttered.

"Well he said it politely, so I'll wait till later," Harry said.

"So we're screwed. We'll never get back to Malain and find Tani. What should we do?" Craig said questioningly.

"You want to go to Malain? Why didn't you say so?" the seller said.

"I thought we did," Morgan said quietly.

"Um, I just want to say that there's a gate thingy, connecting all of the planets in our sector. This was before we invented warp travel, you see. One of the planets it goes to is Malain," The seller said.

"Wow convenient," Harry said.

"Come on, if we didn't have any convenience do you realise how dull the episodes would be," Craig said. Everyone stayed dead quiet as tumbleweed blew past the set, um landscape.

"So, the gate sounds good," Harry said.

"Yeah," everyone agreed.

"I really shouldn't say this but nearly all gates are hidden, to avoid abuse. There's only one starchart which shows the way," the seller explained.

"A starchart? I thought it was on the planet," Craig muttered.

"Yeah, and?" the seller said. Everyone glared at him with raised eyebrows. "Oh, of course! Starcharts, it must be on a star. Hey good luck."

"Do you know who has the starchart?" Harry asked while his eyebrow started twitching.

"Aaah, more than one person. Four people used to have different parts to the chart," the seller replied.

"Oh dear god, a starchart that needs to be pieced together using tape," Craig groaned.

"No no, the four people had four different memory chips from the device thing that was the starchart. They did that so no one would ever find it," the seller said.

"I'll ask again, who has it?" Harry asked.

"Um, it's only a rumour but people say that a retired ship pilot, a guy with a really posh house, a shopkeeper and a dead guy has them," the seller said.

"Sounds fun, really. Are you finished giving us all the info we need?" Harry asked.

"I dunno, maybe," the seller replied.

"Ok," Harry shrugged. He pointed the phaser at the man, he quickly ran away.

"Right, we're going to have to split up to do this. Morgan, you go to the retired pilot. Craig, you go to the posh guy. I'll go to the shopkeeper. Whoever finishes first, go find out who that dead guy is related to, a relative must have the chip," Harry said.


PART 5: Between a Dog and a Fancy Dress

On route to the mansion Craig ran into a dead end; a waterfall. "Ohno, not another puzzle."

After about ten minutes of trying to work out the puzzle he couldn't take it anymore. "Fine, I'll go look for some items or something." He turned to leave but he slipped on a few wet leaves. This conveniently made him land on a pump's lever, it was pushed down as a result. The waterfall stopped flowing all of a sudden.

"Huh? I still got it," he smiled as he climbed back up.

He spotted a small cave where the waterfall was, so he didn't waste any time going towards it.

Inside there was a large corridor that was very poorly lit. He slowly went down it, his creepy metre going up everytime he went through a hallway to find the next one looking exactly the same.

Somebody tapped him on the shoulder. He groaned and turned around to see Buck.

"Oh erm, hi. How's things?" Craig said nonchalantly.

"Fine. Now what did I tell you about hanging around dark alleys," Buck laughed to himself.

Craig carefully stepped backwards, "well, um... is this your creepy corridor by any chance?"

"Of course it is, well it looks like one of mine anyway. Hey, aren't you scared?" Buck asked angrily.

"Nope, me, never," Craig lied. Luckily Buck wasn't the smartest ex-drone in the quadrant. "Why would I be?"

"Don't you remember me, I'm the guy you killed, well nearly," Buck said.

"Um, I haven't a clue what you mean," Craig continued to lie.

"Buck you fool, I'm trying to get revenge on you," Buck groaned.

"My name's not Buck," Craig stuttered.

Buck groaned again, he raised his hands into the air and he looked towards the ceiling. "What do I have to do to be scary around here!"

"Put on a tutu, that would be scary," Craig replied.

"Really? Thanks... er I mean, you will witness my terror one day. And on that day I will get my revenge!" Buck cackled. He laughed evilly.

"Thanks for the warning. See ya," Craig said, backing further away.

"Ugh, you're impossible to scare. I'm outta here!" Buck yelled.

Craig felt dizzy, then he collapsed. Moments later he woke up next to the pump. "Ohno, don't tell me I still have to solve the puzzle!" He stood up and turned to the waterfall. It was still flowing but then spotted another path up the hill. "Ah son of a..."


Meanwhile Morgan had reached the top of a hill. Sitting on the top was a tiny scruffy house, with a statue standing in the garden outside it. With a shrug she just went straight inside, bumping straight into a fat guy.

"Hey, you can't just barge into people's houses," the guy said angrily.

"Um... that's nice. Got any starchart thingy's?" Morgan asked.

The guy rolled his eyes, "not another traveller. I'm sorry but I can't just give it to any old person who comes to the door."

"Ok I'll play. Who will you give it to?" Morgan groaned.

"Anyone who can beat me in a drinking contest of course. Anyone who can't match me isn't worthy by a mile," the guy replied.

Morgan looked worried, "really, booze drinking contest. Uh, sure... you're on."

"Oh come on, you won't last through one mouthful, you're just a girl," the guy laughed. Morgan showed him her Janeway deathglare. "Oh fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. No one has beaten me yet, in fact no one has gotten through the first glass."

"Have you?" Morgan asked hopefully.

"No actually," the guy replied, looking nervous.

"Piece of cake then," Morgan sighed in relief.

"Sit down then and get ready to be beaten. Remember the first to pass out loses," the guy said.

"What? Do you think this is my first drinking contest or something?" Morgan muttered. She sat down at a nearby table.

"Hey I like you," the guy said. He put down two glasses, then to Morgan's surprise he poured from a Cherry Coke bottle. "Ready, go!"

Much later...

The guy put down his cup looking really out of it. "Woah, you're my kinda girl. Wanna go out sometime?"

"Eeew, no. I have better things to do," Morgan replied, looking rather disgusted.

"So, why am I here again?" the guy asked.

The girl smiled slyly, "we were having a drinking contest. Since I won I get the starchart piece, any good knives you have and the rest of your Cherry Coke."

"Ookay then, but I don't know what Cherry Coke is," the guy said, still holding an empty two litre bottle.

"Hurry up and get me the stuff," Morgan ordered.

"OK!" the guy shouted drunkenly. He fell out of the chair and started crawling away.

"You know I think I should get the knives," Morgan muttered to herself. The guy suddenly disappeared as a hole appeared in the floor. "And all this stuff too," she said quietly as she took some stuff from the table.

Craig looked up at the tall posh mansion he was standing in front of. When he looked back down he came face to face with Buck again. "Holy crap, will you stop doing that!"

Buck raised his hands to his head, he then took it off to reveal someone else's head. "Gee, chill out. It's only a costume."

"Um right, I knew that," Craig said nervously.

"Sorry, only people in fancy dress can come in," the woman said.

"What about the invitation bit?" Craig asked.

"Who am I, the programmer? Just put a costume on," the woman replied.

A rundown shop in the middle of town:
Harry strolled through the main door. Inside was a load of junk, a scrawny looking guy and a parrot. Harry went over to the storekeeper. "Hi, do you have the starchart to the gate?"

"Yep, but it'll cost you one million pieces. I could trade with you instead, there's this sunken shuttle treasure. You'll have to hire an old ship to get it, which'll cost you quite a bit. I do other trade in's if that's any help, of course you have nothing I want. Maybe you should start with that contest down the street, the prize is worth a lot. I'm sure you'll win that after some item collecting and..." the guy rambled but Harry just shot him anyway. He picked up the memory chip thing and headed out.

"I'll get right on it," Harry muttered as he left the store.


Morgan walked into the town centre, spotting Harry sitting on a park bench looking bored. "You're done already?" Harry stared at her. "Of course, who am I talking to?"

"Right," Harry said. "Any sign of Craig?"

"No sign, but he did call and say he was having some trouble," Morgan replied.

"Fine. One of us should check out the dead one, and the other can help..." Harry said.

"Good luck threatening a dead guy with a phaser," Morgan quickly said, she rushed off.

Harry's eyes widened, "oh no you don't!" He looked at his poor overused phaser, it was running low on power. "Great, good thing I've already done the most tedious puzzle of the game."


Morgan followed her tricorder scans to a cliff edge, she looked confused as all she could see was a woman in a pink dress nearby. "That's weird. Craig, where are you?"

The figure started shaking, and to Morgan's surprise a guy's voice muttered something from her direction.


The figure cleared her or rather his throat, and spoke in a fake woman's voice, "no."

Morgan couldn't help but laugh quite loudly, "oh my god, Craig. What kind of puzzle solving is this?"

"It's not funny! I had to get into what I thought was a Halloween fancy dress party. I asked for something scary," Craig stuttered, his face turning a similar colour to the dress.

"You could at least picked women shoes instead of your normal boots," Morgan giggled.

Craig covered his face with his hands, "I'm going to change. Never tell anyone about this, please." He rushed into the nearby bushes.

"Oookay, why are we here as well?" Morgan smirked.

"Well..." Craig's voice muttered.

Only ten minutes ago, at the fancy dress party:
Craig walked up to a man and two girls. "Excuse me, are you the man with the data map thingy?"

The man turned around while the girls stared at Craig in horror. Craig's eyes widened when he turned to face him.

Back to the present:
"Actually, it's too long a story. I don't want to bore you," Craig's voice stuttered.

Morgan's face had gone red, she couldn't control her giggles. "I think I got the idea."

Craig stepped back out in his regular clothes. "It's not funny!"

"You're very wrong," Morgan laughed.

"Yeah well, he... she threw the map thing out the window and now it's..." Craig mumbled. He pointed towards the cliff. Morgan tried to calm herself as she took a look. The chip sat in a bird's nest about three metres below them.

"Ok, there's two of us. This should be easy," Morgan said with a confident smile on her face.

Meanwhile in some creepy graveyard:
Harry pushed the creaky gates open, he briefly glanced down at an old piece of paper he had. He then headed towards a crypt.

Inside it was very dark, and there were open coffins everywhere. After a quick glance around he eventually spotted the one he wanted. Using a crowbar that had been left behind by a previous grave robber, he opened up the coffin. Inside was a pile of dust.

"Son of a..." he grumbled.


The voodoo lady smiled deviously. "Why hello Mr Kim, I've been expecting you."

Harry squinted at her, glanced at his dying phaser, and back at her again. "We've met before?"

"Why yes, in the last game you stole my chicken from me," the voodoo lady explained.

"Oh, oh of course. I needed that, for something... yes," Harry stuttered.

The voodoo lady groaned, "you don't even remember taking it do you? No matter. I know why you're here."

"Great, that saves me having to wait till this recharges up," Harry grumbled to himself. The voodoo lady handed him what looked like a salt shaker. "I hate this game."

Morgan and Craig stood staring up at something, looking just as sick as Harry was.

"How, how did this happen?" she stuttered.

"How? Why is what I want to know," Craig muttered.

Morgan sighed, "can't have us missing another piece of worthless junk, can they?" She chucked a fishing rod onto a pile of stuff next to her. Craig looked down at it, then up at the giant tree in front of them. He watched a bird carry the chip into a treehouse. The only way up seemed to be a plank of wood sticking out of one of many holes in the tree.

"Looks like we have to get another plank of wood, and use them to make steps," he said.

"No, no we don't. You've already had the stupid dream sequence!" Morgan snapped at him. She charged for the tree. Craig cringed and squinted his eyes. He jumped back just in time to avoid being hit by some wood from the treehouse.

Back at the graveyard:
Harry hovered over the open coffin, shaking the salt shaker over the dust. Magically the dust turned into a half decomposed guy.

"Woah, this isn't my house," the guy said.

"Yeah, yeah. Map piece," Harry muttered.

"Oh crap, why did it have to happen now. I left the gas on," the guy groaned.

"Do you have a starchart memory chip?" Harry asked, eyebrow and trigger finger twitching.

"Yes I do, I have it in my pocket. You can have it if you turn the gas off at my house. It's just the house near the beach, you can't miss it," the guy replied.

"Fine," Harry said. He left the crypt, then he went straight back in. "I did it."

"Woah that was quick. Here you go, and thanks," the guy said. He handed Harry a memory chip. Then he turned back into dust. He stared at it, then the coffin, then back again. "Seriously, he had it all along. Why did I need to revive him..."

He stormed out of the crypt. As he did there was a huge explosion nearby, building debris quickly landed nearby. He continued on his way like nothing ever happened.

"Anderson to Kim."

Harry frowned as he heard very loud creaking, crashes and some swear words from a certain girl. "What the hell?"

"Um, yeah. Hell is happening. Morgan won't listen to me, and I have an idea how to get the last piece."

"Fine, I already do everything but fine! What is it?" Harry groaned.


Harry arrived in what was left of the tree area dragging a huge bag behind him. Craig rushed to his side, just in time to avoid a tree branch landing where he was.

"What did you get?" Craig asked him desperately.

Harry glared in his direction, "you don't know!? You told me the item I needed was at the mansion."

"It's the only area I didn't fully explore. I was, pre-occupied," Craig said, turning slightly red again.

Harry wasn't in the mood to pick up on that. "There wasn't much..." He then noticed what was happening. "Um, what is she doing?" Craig looked over to the giant, or ex giant tree.

Morgan stood at the battered trunk, shaking it so roughly it was starting to crack. Another piece of the treehouse dropped to the ground.

"The bird stole the chip, it's in the treehouse. We can't get up," Craig meekly answered.

Harry raised an eyebrow, "in a normal situation I'd say none of this stuff will help, but this is a Monkey Island parody." He looked in the bag. "From the mansion."

"Well it's a big bag, there has to be..." Craig stuttered.

Harry pulled an oar out of it, dashing all of Craig's hopes.

"Is that all? Why a bag?" he asked. He jumped as the bag moved on its own.

"Damn, its awake," Harry muttered. Right on cue a dog like creature jumped out. It growled at Harry then Craig, then leapt for the tree.

Craig cringed, "a dog? You couldn't have brought a ladder, or a rope?"

"Why do you think my phaser's dead, that damn thing wouldn't stop chasing me," Harry grumbled. "You're welcome by the way."

Craig groaned into his hand, "yes, thank you!"

Morgan walked up to them, "what the hell? Is that thing climbing the tree? It better not nick the chip!"

The boys looked at her, then at the tree. Sure enough the dog was climbing the tree like a cat, it leapt into what was left of the treehouse.

"Damn, if it was that easy I would have done that," Morgan muttered.

"Phaser's taking ages to recharge," Harry said. "We're screwed."

The group jumped as the dog leapt back down to the ground, right in front of them. The chip was in its mouth.

"Um, yeah that makes sense," Harry said sarcastically.

Craig looked a little smug, "actually it does. He stopped me getting the chip in the first place."

Morgan looked at him, "I thought it was the man lady."

"Ok, second place," Craig quietly said.

Harry cringed as the dog started to run away, "guys!" Morgan shrugged, she picked up the oar. Craig put her hand on her arm.

"No Morgan," he stuttered. She pouted at him. An idea popped into his head, "actually, yes Morgan. Just don't hit him with it, make sure he sees it."

"Fine," she grumbled. She chucked the oar towards the dog. Tail wagging it dropped the chip, and ran for it. The group ran for the chip, Morgan reached it first and picked it up.

"Great. Now what?" Craig sighed in relief.

"We hope the rest of the game's as short as the final part of the previous game," Harry replied.


PART 6: Something Kinda Eeew

Meanwhile the small guy was wandering around outside the town, nearby was his shuttle. He then caught sight of the awayteam walking back to town. A lightbulb switched on in his head.

"Ah hah, the ball's in Ralzo's court now," the small guy sniggered. Right on cue a football came flying towards him and hit him right where it hurts.

A kid looked around, "hey where did my ball go?"

"I think it went over there, I'll get it," Craig replied. He headed towards where Ralzo was.

"Craig, this game is long enough as it is!" Harry snapped at him. He followed him, leaving a bored Morgan behind.

Ralzo hid behind a nearby wall. "I think it went over here," Craig said back to Harry.

Ralzo grabbed the ball. He jumped out from his hiding place holding a gun. "I think it hit me first." He cringed, "undo it, undo it. Hand me the chips, and nobody gets shot."

"Don't tell me this is the villain of the game," Craig muttered.

"Haha, I told you you were out of your league," Ralzo said.

"Uh huh, well I know what to do with you," Harry said as he held up his phaser. Craig rolled his eyes.

"He has a gun," Craig groaned.

"No, it's a banana, you fool," Ralzo said sarcastically.

"Really, that'll do," Harry said. He tried to fire the phaser but nothing happened. "Damn, I forgot."

"You're coming with me, my boss will be happy to see you," Ralzo said.

"Who's your boss, the Pokémon Narrator?" Craig sniggered.

"Actually he's my other boss and... hey wait a minute!" Ralzo snapped. Craig and Harry pointed at him and laughed, for no apparent reason of course. "Aw shut up, get in my shuttle now!" They all headed towards Ralzo's shuttle.

What Ralzo didn't know was that Morgan was watching from nearby. She crept towards the shuttle.


Several hours later Ralzo's shuttle arrives at the planet of Malain. Morgan had to survive on the worst food that she could get her hands on.

Morgan sat patiently in the cramped cargo space. A small transporter beam transported in a white paper bag. She opened the bag. With a grimace she reached in to eat some fries. "God, why does only Burger King do deliveries?"

Meanwhile Harry Kim and that Blond wannabe have been suffering an unimaginable time in Ralzo's jail.

"Pick up two," Ralzo sniggered.

Harry smiled, he put down a two of clubs. "Pick up four!"

"No!" Craig screamed. He picked up four cards.

After Ralzo put down another card, Harry put down another two. "Pick up another two."

"Ah ha, I have a two now," Craig said as he put down the last two.

"Damn you asshole!"" Ralzo screamed back. He picked up four cards.


Morgan wandered around repetitive corridors looking rather lost. She eventually got to a very tall door that was bolted shut. "Great." She rummaged through her pockets, looking for anything. In the end she huffed and threw one of the dolls at the door. It went straight through what looked like a cat flap. Morgan stared at it for several seconds before going through it.

She found herself in what looked like a throne room. A Cherry Coke bottle was on the arm rest of the throne.

"How stupid do you think I am?" Morgan laughed. She turned to leave and a forcefield appeared around her.

Ralzo came into the room laughing his head off. "I knew you would fall for that. By the way, that was actually diet coke with lemon."

"What the hell's your problem, what does your boss want?" Morgan snapped at him.

"Which one? Pokémon Narrator wants to be the Fifth Voyager narrator, and Buck just wants revenge," Ralzo replied.

"Of course, Buck. Where is he?" Morgan asked.

"He's just putting something on to scare you. He wouldn't tell me what," Ralzo replied.

Morgan looked really scared or freaked out, probably both. Ralzo turned around looking confused. He screamed like a girl. Buck was walking towards them wearing a pink tutu.

"This is not in my size!" Buck complained.

"I think I preferred Craig in a dress," Morgan stuttered.

"Me too," Ralzo muttered. Morgan passed him a weird look.

"Shut up or I'll do it for you. Oh wait, I was going to anyway," Buck said.

"Please do it quickly," Morgan stuttered.

"I will, anything to get out of the room," Ralzo stuttered. He pressed a button, he and Morgan beamed away.

"Hmm, it works. I'm scary and unstoppable. Mwahahahahahaha!" Buck laughed. He looked in a conveniently placed mirror, he smiled. "Hey, this doesn't look that bad."

Harry, Craig and Morgan were all hanging above a huge pot of hot water. There were lots of other junk on the ground, including Ralzo. He was busy explaining how the candle on the other side of the room will cause the four to fall into the water.

"Any questions?" Ralzo asked.

"Yeah, how are kids made?" Craig asked.

"You'll never know," Harry replied.

"Anymore questions?" Ralzo asked.

"Will Fifth Voyager ever end?" Morgan asked.

"Will I actually ever act in character in these parodies?" Harry asked.

"Can you let me down for five minutes? I'm bursting for the loo," Craig asked.

"The answer to all of those questions is no, right I'm going to go," Ralzo said.

"Wait, this is a decent question. Why don't you just shoot the ropes that are holding us up? It'll be a lot easier," Harry asked.

"Um well you see, you're supposed to escape so I've got to leave you long enough for you to do that. Oh shoot, did I say that?" Ralzo replied. He stormed out of the room.

Hahahaha, you're not going to escape from this. You're all going to die

How will our heroes escape this one? Find out next time

Hey Pokémon Narrator, get out of here!

Well it looks like Harry is seeing red. Morgan's feeling blue. Craig looks a bit green. Orange you dying to find out what happens next?

Aaarrrrrgghhhh, die die die!

"Ok we know the writer has totally cracked when there are two narrators fighting, plus a guy in a tutu," Morgan said.

"Yeah, but that narrator was right. I do feel a bit pukey," Craig muttered.

"Oh great, do you want to swap places with me?" Harry asked.

Suddenly the candle went out, a whole load of stuff happened which caused the ropes to burn. They all fell to their deaths.

Back to the present:
"I don't think I'm going to believe that," Morgan said.

"Aaaaw, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say how I saved the others in a very heroic fashion," Craig said.

Morgan rolled her eyes, "I think you're forgetting something."

Craig looked embarrassed, "oh, right. You were there."

"Bingo. Now just tell me what happened when we split up. That's all I wanted," Morgan groaned.

"Oh fine. As you know the two narrators started to fight so I suggested we use it to our advantage," Craig said.

Back in the torture chamber:
"Maybe we could use their fight to our advantage," Morgan said.

"Um, how exactly?" Craig asked.

"Narrators can do anything they want, catch my drift," Morgan replied.

"Oh come on. One of the narrators wants us dead, the other one just concentrates on being cheesy," Harry said.

"No, all we have to do is root for one side. That way the narrator we rooted for will start to like us, then it'll let us go," Morgan said.

"Oh yeah, who can suck up that bad for this to work?" Harry asked. Morgan and Craig looked his way. "What, I'm not a suck up! Craig's the pro when it comes to Morgan."

"Yeah.... wait a minute," Craig said.

"Eeew, and no. Mum's told me otherwise Kimmy," Morgan said with a smile.

"Fine, this'll kill me but fine," Harry grumbled.

"Not doing it will kill you too," Craig pointed out.

"Shut up," Harry muttered.

"Go on," Craig said quietly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Go Narrator, kick that Pokémon guy's ass."

Already have done, but thanks for cheering for me. Now hurry up and die.

"Um, hearing that other narrator really made me realise how good a narrator you are," Harry said.

Oh please, you should have realised it before.

"You're right, I should have. Anyway why are you a narrator? I bet you're really good looking," Harry said with disgust in his voice.

That's a good point. I've wasted my life. What should I do?

"Why should I tell you, you want us all dead," Harry said.

Ok ok, if you give me guidance I'll get you of this mess.

"Try auditioning for X Factor or something. Most of the voters do vote just for looks," Craig suggested.

The boy is right, X Factor is the answer. Right I'll get you out. The four fell into the water but it had already cooled down to a safe temperature.

"Hey, who put carrots in here?" Craig asked.

The present:
"Craig!" Morgan snapped.

Harry meanwhile was above them both, on land, looking through some of the puzzle items he had. He started using every one on the rope.

Craig cringed. "We ended up in this room filled with explosives, didn't we? Harry accidentally set them off after he fixed his phaser. The next thing I remember I was here," Craig replied.

"I thought it was still dead, ok," Harry said.

Morgan groaned, "after all that, you don't remember the part I wanted to know."

"Rescue him or not, he's dead," Harry commented. He went to use what looked like a weird fake chicken on the rope. "Oh, that's what she was talking about."

Suddenly the rope give way and the boys fell down into the hole. Morgan glanced around looking nervous. "Ok, I didn't see that one coming."

The pair then found themselves in a dark corridor. What one of them didn't know was that Buck was standing nearby, still in his tutu.

"Ow, I landed on my butt," Craig groaned.

"Oh yeah, well I landed with a view," Harry stuttered. Craig looked up to see what he was talking about. Of course it was Buck.

"So you escaped me again. Well not anymore. I have this!" Buck shouted as he pulled out a voodoo doll.

"Didn't Morgan have two of those. I was wondering where it disappeared to," Harry said.

"Really?" Craig bewilderedly asked him.

"Nah," Harry scoffed.

Buck stabbed the voodoo doll with a needle, he screamed like a girl when he did. He dropped the doll, it rolled over to the boys.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Craig asked.

"No, I never think of Morgan in that way," Harry replied.

"No I wasn't thinking of her," Craig muttered. He knelt down and he picked the doll up. He then started twisting and bending the doll, as he did this Buck did the same positions as the doll. Eventually he collapsed onto the ground. His arm fell off, then that dog from Harry & Craig's dream ran over and stole the arm.

"Aaarkk, come closer," Buck groaned.

"Not when you're wearing that tutu," Craig said.

"You don't understand, I'm your brother," Buck stuttered.

"Huh? I'm an only child," Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Damn it. Craig, I am your brother," Buck said.

"Nice try, I don't have one," Craig said.

"Let's go," Harry muttered. The two headed for the end of the corridor. They went out of some doors and they found themselves in a theme park.

"What the?" Craig stuttered.

"Morgan, I am your brother," they heard Buck say.

"Eeew, don't you mean sister!" Morgan's voice screamed.

Harry and Craig looked at each other in amusement as they heard a familiar thud. Just then Tani ran over to them.

"Guys, you came to rescue me?" she said with a sad sigh.

"Um, is that ok with you?" Craig raised his eyebrow.

Tani sighed, "well I was hoping for a hot guy to rescue me. Next time tell James to come for me."

"Oh don't worry," Harry grumbled. He then noticed his phaser's charge go to 100%. "I will."



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