Marill Re-Reads Lea Halalela

"Lea Halalela" is another unlikely looking song title episode, AND the second one to be from a Lion King soundtrack. It's not sang in English, and at the time I did not know that a) the title means "this land", and b) it's meant to be Nala's song. There is an English version that's used for the musical play, called Shadowlands I believe. It clearly has nothing to do with Native Americans, or healing spells, or anything shown in this episode.

Yeah I should maybe, probably, give my naive and ignorant 16 year old self some sort of leeway at some point. The thing is this sort of things happens so much through this series. This one stings the most as it's not a one off episode deal. A later episode expands on it further, digging the grave even more and ruining an important storyline in Season Three. They didn't need to be connected. The only reason they are was I needed one character to know what something was, and who else but the Native American character. Not the, I dunno, the white witch who's plan it belongs to.

But anyway. Lea Halalela fortunately can get away with the Lion King/African side of the story, unless the one reading knows it and/or Shadowlands.

Hopefully apart from that the episode is fine. I'm hoping it'll be simply that, okay, as the next two I'm thinking of speed reading through. No/few quotes and marking as I go along, that sort of thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new Virus were standing around waiting for the last band member to arrive.

I say sigh, but now that I see the scene, I do remember the gist of it. Oh well. Sigh anyway

"Where the hell have you been?" Lena asked.

"I was busy, ok!" Jessie yelled back.

If you enjoyed out of sorts Jessie in the last one, look forward to this one too

"Oh yeah, I remember, we're having a Team Rockety video for that, aren't we?" Craig said.

"What the hell for?" Jessie asked angrily. James put his hand on her shoulder to calm her down, but she pushed it off angrily. "Get the hell off me!" she yelled and she stormed out.

Too late for that now, Jessie

hurrdurr

The classroom next to Sickbay, the next day:

Bryan, Kiara, Naomi, Lena, Duncan, Kirsty and Kyle were sitting at desks while Doctor Jones was giving a lecture. Bryan was lying on the desk, asleep with his mouth open slightly. Naomi was doing her nails blue. Kiara was listening to one of Pulse's songs on her personal stereo and she was miming to it. Kyle was hitting Kirsty, as usual. Kirsty was obviously crying. Duncan was just watching. Finally Lena was writing something on a PADD.

Just A Little Bit More: 1

Duncan's the only one paying attention? wtf

I know that this is a small ship and there probably aren't that many people spare, but I don't see the point of having all the kids that range from babies to teenagers in the same class. Either it's gonna be too hard for some, or too patronising/waste o time for the other some.

"Do you want me to kick his a**?" Duncan asked. Kirsty nodded.

"You can't, I am sitting on it," Kyle said.

Is he too young for the garbage gif? hasn't stopped me before, has it?

Duncan pushed Kyle off the chair and he literally started kicking his butt. Lena looked down at the two lads.

Ho boy, lesson learned: don't use sarcasm on a Stuart, he'll use it against you, big time.

Naomi looked down too. "Aaw, isn't that sweet. Duncan's defending Kirsty," she said.

Tbh I'm more aaawing at the part where Duncan asked Kirsty first before doing. He's surpassed his dad already, and he's not even a year old yet. pffthahaha

(of course he'll never do that again)

"Ow, you bully, leave me alone or I'll set my dad onto you," Kyle moaned.

"I'll set my dad onto him then," Duncan said.

Ian: 0_0 somebody follow me with a f$$$$$ camera

"Your dad is too wimpy to do anything," Kyle said.

ohno Kyle, ohno

"Hey, you leave my dad alone you arsehole!" Duncan yelled and he accidentally knocked Kyle unconscious.

"Yey!" Kirsty said and she started clapping her hands.

It was an accident, Duncan's still no 1. blesshim, these two are cute

"And this is what people used to call a Daddy Long Legs, people say that.." Doctor Jones said, completely oblivious to what was going on.

"Me good," Duncan said and he sat back onto his chair. Lena patted him on the head, which messed his hair up.

"Watch the hair," Duncan growled.

bwahahaha, I lovethiskid

"God, he's just like his mother," Naomi said. Duncan glared at her. "Why does that glare look familiar?"

I'm starting to wonder if some people missed the Why oh Why reveal

"A kid with Slayer strength," Lena said.

EXCUSE ME

this has not been revealed, nothing said. The most I remember happening was Duncan punching a wall, and she never said anything other than "uhoh not good".

"Duncan knocked him out again," Naomi replied. Duncan and Kirsty giggled.

Doctor Jones sighed. "I warned him about that. This time I will tell his parents," he said.

Again????????????

And THE DOCTOR didn't report this the first time it happened?

"That might be true, but I doubt Danny and Ian would be too happy if their best friends' son kept beating their son up," Doctor Jones said.

"If Kyle would leave Kirsty alone, Duncan wouldn't hurt him," Lena said.

Danny's gonna be so torn asunder on this one.

Doctor Jones was beginning to regret his decision when he was faced by a very peeved Jessie.

"Erm, maybe I should have just talked to James," Doctor Jones muttered.

"Maybe you should have," Jessie growled.

why aren't you? you said parents not mother

"Get bent," Jessie muttered.

"I tell you what, why don't you go back to where Danny and Ian are waiting," Doctor Jones said.

"Fine, I will!" Jessie snapped and she stormed out.

I complained but to be fair, excluding Season One, angry Jessie usually has lol potential. Janeway's still the queen though.

"How long has she been like that?" Doctor Jones asked.

"Since yesterday," James replied.

Huh? Oh. Just talked to James, only James. Not I should have asked him here over you. FINE

"No, do you know why?" James replied.

"Er, yes, er I mean no. Never mind," Doctor Jones stuttered. James just gave him a confused look.

Oh dear dumbass James is in the house. Shame.

"Anyway, I just asked you here to talk about Duncan. He keeps having fights with Kyle."

Duncan, who was sitting next to James, just giggled and looked proud of himself.

"According to Lena, Kyle keeps picking on Kirsty, and Duncan defends her," Doctor Jones said.

James: So?

"Kyle's an arsehole," Duncan said.

"Erm, and Duncan swears," Doctor Jones said.

"And?" James said questioningly. Doctor Jones just stared at him oddly.

*smirk* I was close

"No, but Kyle shouldn't be picking on his sister," James said.

"Brothers and sisters usually fight, that's just the way it is," Doctor Jones said.

Yeah, talking to James at all about this is like telling Neelix to stop putting Leola Root in everything cos its poison. He'll disagree and tell you to stick it.

Doctor Jones rolled his eyes. "You and Duncan are just as bad as each other. Fighting back always makes it worse."

"Yeah, true, but it used to make me feel better," James said.

interesting he admits this now, this early

Doctor Jones laughed nervously. "Obviously I'm getting nowhere with you. I just hope when, er I mean, if you have another child, they don't turn out like Duncan."

"Big bozo head!" Duncan yelled.

If I didn't know any better I'd be like THEY'D BETTER, DUNCAN IS HILARIOUS

"You deserved that," James said.

"Er.. why?" Doctor Jones muttered.

I AGREE

lol come on. You insulted his son, to both their faces. The kid only called you a silly name like bozohead, you snowflake.

"If you weren't a hologram I'd punch you," James said.

"Me too," Duncan said.

"That just proves my point. On your way out can you ask Danny and Ian to come in?" Doctor Jones asked.

Sorry but we need more James and Duncan double teams scenes to make everyone uncomfortable. melike

James and Duncan just headed out. Duncan put his fingers up at Doctor Jones as he did so. Doctor Jones rolled his eyes.

HOBOY

Just A Little Bit More: 2

If I can be serious for a bit, I complained in the past that both James and Jessie were terrible at being parents, and I should here as well. Jessie gets a pass as she's hormonal already, but James shouldn't. The thing is, I don't mind them being bad at it. It's the point, they're meant to suck at it at first. The previous complaints were because I was, as usual, overexaggerating things for laughs.

This^ is how I wanted it, not them giving their kid booze.

Bryan was STILL asleep. Naomi was writing something on the board. Kiara was STILL listening to music. Lena had also gone to sleep.

I STILL have a headache, funny that

"What's going on.. aw crap, I'm still in here," Lena moaned.

Lena wakes up on the wrong side of the desk, Kiara pokes, and Lena screams at her twice. I'd laugh if these things didn't happen after that line

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 1

Meanwhile Ian, armed with a camera crew around him, takes on James. Danny still can't decide whether she is mad at him or to continue planning the Kirsty/Duncan wedding. Jessie plots everyone's death. Kyle and Duncan prepare to follow example. Kirsty wonders what she did to deserve everything

"Your son is crazy, why does he keep attacking mine!" Ian yelled.

"Because he keeps picking on Duncan's friend, that's why," James replied.

"That's not his concern, it's just sibling rivalry!" Ian yelled.

"Maybe if you'd learn to control your son, mine wouldn't attack yours," James said.

OHMY...

butvery, VERY hypocritcal of you James.

"You're telling me to control MY son, that's a funny one, Jamesy. Yours swears, hits people, calls people names.." Ian yelled.

"Just like his parents," Danny whispered. Luckily nobody heard her.

"At least mine doesn't pick on little girls!" James finally yelled back.

Ohnoes wedding cancelled

and OHNOES is it a Sexist Crap point or not? helpme

Sexist Crap Count: 1

"They're brother and sister, it's pretty normal. Maybe if Duncan had a sister he'd be doing the same!" Ian yelled.

foreshadowing? will be, but while Duncan has sibling rivalry with Sasha, I don't think he is ever violent with her. more indifferent and snarky.

Oh and that my friends earns a:

Sexist Crap Count: 2

Why? Ian's insinuated that only the boys would be violent, cos boys will be boys, and/or girls are asking for it cos they're annoying.

Please convince me otherwise cos Ian's usually not a bad character.

"Would you two shut up!" Jessie yelled. The two guys stopped and they looked her way. "Can we just agree that Duncan and Kyle both did something wrong, I've got a bloody headache."

me too Jessie

and high five for the being rightness

"Duncan's just like you, do you realise that," Jessie muttered as she climbed off the biobed.

"If you say so," James said quietly.

"I want some Cherr' Coke," Duncan said.

"I know so," Jessie said and she walked out.

aaaaaaaaaaaw

love that little moment, sue me

"Here let me, I have a knack for doors," Bryan said, he keyed in some commands on the side panel.

wait, is Bryan also James's son?

*suspicious*

Naomi rushed into the room. Bryan was kneeling beside Kiara, who was lying on the ground. Naomi tapped her commbadge. "Wildman to Sickbay, there's something wrong with Kiara."

1/3 through the episode, a new record???? wowee

"That's a very crude description, her lung just stopped taking in oxygen," Doctor Jones said. Bryan rolled his eyes. "Well, I don't understand, but I will investigate."

Just A Little Bit More: 3

Oh is that all? And all the one year old said was her lung wasn't working. That er, that's not necessary

"No need to, Doc. I have heard of this," Chakotay said. Everyone, except Kiara, looked his way.

Except Kiara? how rude of her!

but who cares about that, it's time for some ignorance

"If I'm right, she has an Indian condition called Lizwe," Chakotay replied.

"Lizwe?" everyone said in confusment.

"Children who have only a quarter of the tribe's gene's get this. They're not pure blooded, you see. Kiara's only got one quarter of the tribe in her, and she's half Q," Chakotay said.

I'd lol gif this but I'm too annoyed

"Why didn't you tell us, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked angrily.

Because I'm a s$$$ parent, remember?

"Not all children in her situation get this, only 1 in 100, plus it was only a myth. Also it only happens when a child is nearing his or her fifth birthday. I was hoping that the incident in Precise Timings would of.." Chakotay replied.

Ok for once, the excuse that Kiara's been aged up does actually fly here. It should've skipped right by her.

doesn't change the fact that this entire plot is an offensive pile of diarrhea

Chakotay swallowed hard before replying. "It stops the victim's organs from fully functioning. The Lizwe is meant to kill the victim."

So let me get this straight, sum up. Thre's a 1 in 100 chance that a five year old kid who only has 1/4 Native American ancestory, or less I guess, will suddenly drop dead because... Why?

nah why am I humouring this

"That's one crummy Indian thing," Bryan said.

"Well, our tribe did develop a cure for it," Chakotay said.

I'm guessing that some of that cure involves having to waste time expositioning this stupid genetic disease.

"I doubt it would work, we need a female member of the family who has some gene's from the tribe within her," Chakotay said.

"Lena. What does she have to do?" Kathryn asked.

oh gee, that was hard ??

Why the doubt? Lena's not that bitter, resentful and hateful....oh

"Even though Lea Halalela actually means holy land or this land," Bryan muttered.

How could anyone forget that everyone on Voyager are huge Lion King fanboys? Even the kid knows this.

I imagine someone may think that my calling out Lea Halalela when the Akoonah Matata jokes exists, but it's not the same. It's not done in ignorance or anything, it's a dumb joke. Lea Halalela isn't a joke, it's meant to be serious.

"Well first, we can't force Lena to do this, it will only work if she does it willingly, if there's any doubt, or hate, it won't work. Secondly the original ceremony is to revive people who are dead. We have to wait until Kiara dies before doing the ceremony," Chakotay said.

Ohhh, so it always was a resurrection rite/spell.

Get rid of this Indian/Native American s$$$ and have Kiara only get ill because of being half Q or something, a first, and this episode goes up by 20% or so.

"Exactly, and don't forget the dying part," Chakotay said.

So god damn casual. I thought I'd delay to the end of the scene, but why, f$$$ it

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 10

"You're right. The ceremony doesn't always work. The gods only let the ceremony work fully if they think that the ceremony is for a good cause," Chakotay said.

ohboy lol

Season Three episodes 2-6 spoilers:

So the so called "good" version of this spell, the gods judge whether or not the person is worthy, and that's after checking if the caster gives a crap about them in the first place. Meanwhile the "bad" version these same gods I assume inflict tests on the caster to judge they're powerful enough, give a crap enough and... nothing else if I recall right. If the caster passes, or rather survives the tests, the revival happens, draining the caster's power to do the deed. I'm not sure if that last part is stated, but it was meant to be implied.

Anyhoo. While there are slight differences between the two, I dunno how one could be labelled dark and the other the nicenice one. The gods are dickish in both, the caster is judged, and the good one it's potluck, if the gods don't like you, tough. In the bad one as long as the caster can survive torture (and who better?), they can revive whatever arsehole they want. Alright the dark one doesn't need one of Native American blood, small nonracist mercies.

The only good thing about the "good" one, is that it can't be used to resurrect s$$$y people, in the opinion of some nameless gods who could be anything, good, bad, neutral etc. And Lena at least doesn't have to be tortured, only sing the Lion King soundtrack. Fine, whatevers

end of spoilers

"Kathryn, Lena does actually hate Kiara, as much as I don't want to believe it. It won't work if the gods sense that," Chakotay said.

In a nutshell of the above, no wonder people would rather do the darker version of this than jump through the hoops of the good one. Must be Native American in some way. Must not harbour any resentment about the one who needs revival. Still bitter about that borrowed pen, you're screwed. Must then hope for the best that the gods like the person.

Evil/dark version's hard part is finding someone who's immortal/can take punishment, and FV has that in spades.

and ok, the fact that there are two Halalela's is a spoiler I guess, but a minor one at best

"Well I'm going to have to prove you wrong. I think every parent loves their child in their own way, we just have to figure out what Lena's way is," Kathryn said.

Man Out Of You says lol hi

"So when the hell is Jessie going to get out of that b**chy mood of hers?" Lena asked.

"She's out of it, Lena. And I wish she wasn't," James replied.

aaaaw

and yet oh??? please be the one I think it is, cos that mood amuses me so

"She's in that hyper mood she was in the day after.. you know when," James replied.

:(

still not a bad one

"Tell me about it, something's really wrong with her. Doc did an examination two weeks ago and she only told me that he said she was ok," James said.

oh you fool, catching the doc on his one rare day where he actually commits to doctor/patient confidentiality. the nerve

"Why don't you ask Jones himself, I wouldn't trust Jessie's word for it. She's like me, she doesn't like telling people if she's ill," Lena said.

"Don't I know, but I have a feeling Jones won't tell me if there was. If she's keeping something a secret, then she's told Jones to keep it from me," James said.

again, you played yourself. That is what should've happened. Though unless she was at dire risk, a regular doctor probably wouldn't have called her in at all. Right?

Chakotay and Kathryn came over to the table.

"It wasn't me," Lena blurted out.

"What wasn't?" Kathryn asked.

"Oh sorry, just instinct," Lena replied.

snigger

Kathryn, Chakotay, Lena, James and Duncan went through the main doors. The three younger crewmembers looked around in awe. They were in the middle of a beautiful jungle in the middle of the night. The full moon's light was reflecting off the nearby lagoon.

bwahahahaha

okay. okay

Lea Halalela the song was meant to be in a film in Africa, and if I'm right about what the song actually is, might be sang in a jungle.

This Lea Halalela is meant to be some resurrection ritual that Native Americans do.

if I think or type ohboy one more time, I'm gonna have to start going gif nuts instead

"This is the place where you'll be performing a ceremony," Chakotay replied.

"Ceremony, what ceremony?" Lena asked.

They bring her here before telling her anything??? wtf?

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other nervously. "Kiara's ill, and the ceremony is the only way to cure her," Chakotay replied.

"Kiara? What happened this time, did she swallow a coin?" Lena said sarcastically.

Gaslighting now Lena? tutut

You're not getting marked, not yet anyway

"You've gotta be kidding me," Lena said.

"No, I wish she was. We have to wait until she dies of the illness before we can perform the ceremony. The ceremony will revive her, and the illness will have died off," Chakotay said.

I'm sorry but this s£££ is dark, or rather forced edgy. Kiara has to die first. It's not news here I know, but still, try something else in the meantime you arsewipes

"Lena, if you go into that ceremony forced, the gods will sense it and they won't revive Kiara. If you go in hating her, then the gods are likely to kill you, and not do anything for Kiara," Chakotay said.

Um EXCUSE ME, wtf

Yeah I'm sure the dark version will kill the caster when they fail the tests, or rather dying makes you fail the test. This is meant to be the light version, the nicer one. I'm still not seeing anything better about it. A lot of it is the same.

"You didn't mention anything about the gods killing Lena," Kathryn said

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 11

Chakotay's ruining things for the hometeam, shame

Mainly because people who were not part of the tribe could use an innocent tribe girl to revive somebody. The gods won't revive any old person, especially if they do no good," Chakotay said.

um, that requirement is moot if the gods already judge the dead person to see if they're any good.

and again, the dark version lets anyone outside of the tribe do it. So erm, why would they use the light one. checkmate suckers

"Why would I care about her, she's totally selfish. She only cared about herself in True Q, I didn't see her trying to convince me not to do suicide. I bet she was still trying to gain sympathy off the crew," Lena said.

not to do suicide

Lena still gets a pass here...fornow

"Lena, she's not even five years old yet. You can't expect a four year old to act mature, do you?" Kathryn asked.

"That's the same old excuse," Lena muttered.

"It's not an excuse, it's the truth. She may sometimes act the age she looks, but inside is still that four year old child," Kathryn said.

finally someone said it, and not in the harsh way she did in True Q

"Just remember, the only lives that are at risk is yours and Kiara's. If you continue to hate her for being who she is, it'll kill you both," Chakotay said.

She'll pretend to save herself, that's all you realistically have time for. They'll sense that too. moron.

"I don't know Indian, how am I suppose to chant that?" Lena asked.

"You don't, you have to sing it," Chakotay replied.

*googles*

IT'S ZULU

NOT "INDIAN"/NATIVE AMERICAN

yesI know Lena hasn't a clue, but it's not her that's confused, it's me.

James laughed a little. "Now I'm glad Janeway isn't doing it."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips and she glared at him. "What's that suppose to mean?" she said angrily.

That he's glad you're not butchering Lea Halalela

"I doubt she could sing well with the voice she's got," James whispered to Lena and Duncan. They both giggled.

"I still heard that! How dare you!" Kathryn snapped. Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder.

"Calm down Kathryn, don't let him get to you," Chakotay said comfortingly.

"Fine, I don't know why I keep letting him off," Kathryn muttered.

"Tough, you can't perform a ceremony in your usual clothes. Luckily the ceremony doesn't mention anything about having to have your hair a natural colour," Chakotay said.

There's a dress code too???????????

Seriously, the dark version of this is better. And since it doesn't matter who does it, sacrifice Annika, thank me later.

"If I don't dye it soon, the orange will go back to the red I had before. It's actually turning back red now as you can see," Lena said.

I DON'T CARE

NOBODY DOES

Chakotay looked at Duncan and James. "I don't even know why you came here in the first place, so you can go."

Because we're awesome, duh

"But I read on that PADD that the ceremony needs twenty people, other than the lead, to be in the background," James said.

"You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking," Chakotay said.

YEAH YOU CAN'T OFF SCREEN THE ILLNESS

but no, he just admits he wants to do something in the episode

yep

Chakotay mentions more rules like you can't pick your nose, or scratch your butt at any point in your life, make sure to wear underwear and if you pronounce a word wrong you get struck by lightning

James: oh poopie

Chakotay: o_0 which one's the problem?

Lena's Quarters, a few hours later:

Lena heard the door chime, and she rushed over to the door. Then she remembered that she was wearing her ceremony outfit: a small turquoise jacket, half sleeved, that was tied in the middle. A long skirt the same colour as the jacket but with a gold, patterned part at the top. Four gold bracelets hanging on both of her wrists. Painted black dots on her forehead, above her nose, and on her chest.

NOBODY CARES WHAT LENA IS WEARING

WTF IS THAT ANYWAY, WHERE'S IT FROM

YOU JUST MADE THIS UP DIDN'T YOU

"Oh come on Lena, I need to talk!" Tani's voice yelled from outside.

SOD OFF TANI, YOU ALREADY STOLE BITTERSWEET'S ENDING

"No, I must admit, the jacket's rather revealing," Tani said.

OH

I remember now

The hair talk, a detailed description of what she's wearing. I should've guessed, she's dressed up how her exactress was for one performance.

OF COURSE WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE

"I don't know, it depends on when Kiara actually dies from the illness," Lena replied.

"Erm, why does that sound dodgy?" Tani asked herself.

because it is dodgy, thanks for visiting, bye

"I can't hate Kiara and do the ceremony. I have to forgive her and everything, you know all that kind of rubbish," Lena replied.

"Well when you learn how to forgive her, will you teach me how you did it?" Tani asked.

oh of course Tani is trying to make everything about her.

SHE IS ME, OMG

"I want to forgive Ashley for what he's done, and apologise for what I've done, but I can't," Tani replied.

oh really?

"Just last night both of her kidney's, and several less vital organs failed. If my calculations are correct the next vital organ to fail will kill her," Doctor Jones replied.

Lena just watched Kiara's unconscious form while she stood in midthought. Doctor Jones slowly headed towards his office.

idontlikethis

notonebit

Somebody rushed into the room which made both Lena and Doctor Jones jump in surprise. It was Ash Ketchum

Lena: No I'm not doing Pokemon battles anymore

Ash: GO PIKACHU, THUNDERSHOCK

James: Oh come on, I put on my underpants.

Lena: Whut?

"It's Tani, no time to explain," Ash Ketchum replied, he rushed back out of the room.

Oh I hope I'm misremembering this crap.

Either way, copy and pasting time

oh of course Tani is trying to make everything about her.

"What's wrong with her, Doc?" Lena asked.

"Quite a lot of things, 

You're not wrong Doc

OHSNAP

"Ok, you want to know what's wrong with her. Well, like I said earlier a lot of things. She's mainly emotionally depressed, but that on it's own didn't make her collapse, obviously. She's got a stomach bug that has to be treated in it's first day because for some reason her own immune systems can't fight it off. As far as I can tell she's had it for two weeks, and that's what caused her to collapse," Doctor Jones said.

what a coincidence this happens when Kiara's sick and stuff

Ash Ketchum frowned in confusment. "Lena, that doesn't make any sense. There's nothing to apologise for, and why would she want to make herself suffer because she couldn't?"

"I don't know, and I frankly I think you have no clue what so ever," Lena said.

oh you drama queens. Tani didn't see anyone about her stomach cos she's a lazy so and so who couldn't be arsed to go to Sickbay, and probably saw it as an opportunity to attention seek.

"Would you two calm down. I can treat her still, but she can't get over this depression unless both of you help her," Doctor Jones said.

sheesh doesn't Lena have enough on her plate right now? What with her dying daughter and her self identity crisis, Tani's not exactly high priority here.

"I don't get what you mean," Lena said.

"Just continue to be her friend, she certainly needs one," Doctor Jones said.

replace Tani with Marill, and you will probably see this subplot the way I'm seeing it. It's not pretty.

"We heard what happened, are you ok?" James asked.

"I'll live," Tani muttered.

James asks this

James

Wow

"You don't sound too happy about that," Jessie commented, somebody gently elbowed her. "Ow, hey what was that for?"

"Don't say stuff like that around her," James whispered.

0_0 someone's sleeping on the sofa tonight

"So, erm, how did it happen then?" James asked Lena.

James: ok that's my being nice done for the day/episode, now time to be a jackass to everyone, yup yup yup

Jessie: *elbows him lower down*

Lena: Beat me to it

"Are you ok?" Jessie asked.

"I thought I'd be happy if she did die," Lena replied, and she tried to smile at her own joke, but failed.

letting her off for this too. some people do joke to cover the pain

Jessie suddenly perked up. "How about a group hug?"

"Er James, she's scaring me," Lena said.

"You don't have to live with her when she's like this," James said quietly.

"Group hug?" Jessie said, sounding upset. 

aaaaw

James and Lena looked at each other, and they sighed. They hugged Jessie. Lena dragged Tani into the hug as well. Ash Ketchum tried to keep a straight face as he watched.

Ohnoes, not Tani, she might cop a feel

Nice of Lena to do this though

Anyway guys, it's time to sing about shadow lands... holy lands... lea halalela

The circle of characters, in order, played out like this: Kathryn, Chakotay, B'Elanna, Tom, Bryan, Naomi, Faye, Triah, Tani, James, Jessie, Danny, Ian, Claire, Harry, Emma, Lilly, Lee, Lisa & Doctor Jones.

Good thing there's so many characters available for this, or so many red shirts would be getting struck by lightning. Such a bloodbath

Each person had to hold hands with whoever was standing on either sides of them. There were a few complaints about that, but they all received a glare off Kathryn.

Hell yeah, stop being homophobic Tom and Harry...mostlikely

"Fatshe leso," she said.

"Fatshe leso," everyone repeated.

hey I don't remember anything about the other characters having to memorise lyrics, except James I suppose.

Also don't laugh, that's the actual lyrics. no fat jokes please, I have some class. pfftnope

Some holographic people in the background started playing gentle music. As soon as they did that Lena pulled a microphone from behind her back.

Kathryn sighed, and she shook her head. "Silly girl," she muttered under her breath. Several of the cast tried to keep a straight face.

Haha, trust me to find that actually funny. Typical Lena

Ritual starts, and it looks like I bothered to google/yahoo the lyrics of the song.

As the group chanted or sang, the fire on the posts got larger and brighter. They went back to normal.

"Uli-buse le lizwe, izwe lethu. Mhlaba wethu. U'zuli qondise. Izwe lethu, izwe lethu," Lena sang. She opened the final bottle, and instead of dropping the powder in the same place, she blew it off her hand. The powder was carried by the wind, and it made the wind look glittery.

pwetty

Once they finished the chant, the group closed their eyes. Lena held her arms outstretched, and she looked up at the sky, with her eyes closed.

The wind turned a pale blue, and it circled the group, bringing a strange chill to their bones. The wind continued to circle around the group a couple of times before it finally settled over Kiara's body. Lena opened her eyes, but the others kept theirs shut.

not bad

not bad at all

Where am I?

Meanwhile Lena was singing separate words from the song. Suddenly a white flash took over the entire area, and it made everyone, but Lena, fall to the ground and lost consciousness. She continued to sing words from the verses as the cloud just settled closer to Kiara.

OH SHOOT, WHO SCRATCHED THEIR BUTT. GODDAMN IT JAMES

Cuts started appearing on Lena's arms, and face. 

Yep. Yep. This is no different than the bloody "dark" version of this ritual. Only difference is she has to sing first. The dark version doesn't like Lion King music so it makes you spoken word it.

She fell onto her knees as scratches and deep cuts continued to cover her body. She tried to take in all the pain, and she pulled herself back onto her feet. Using all her available strength she yelled out, "Lea Halalela!" Once she did that the blue cloud looked like it dove into Kiara's body. As soon as that happened Lena fell back onto her knees.

I'm sorry but

remove the , "Lea Halalela!" from that paragraph and I'm a-ok with it. In fact I'll do that.

Kiara slowly opened her eyes, and she looked around, obviously confused with her surroundings. She slowly sat up and she saw everybody unconscious on the ground. Then she saw Lena on her knees, obviously very tired and in pain.

Kiara: jesus, why does it smell like burning underwear in here?

Kiara thought, "this looks familiar... oh my god, it's the Lea Halalela ceremony dad told me about." She looked over at Lena, and she clicked her fingers. Lena's wounds disappeared in an instant.

Hey, why didn't anyone think to bring her for the erm, next time this is done. Just saying

Also why was Chakotay telling his five year old granddaughter about this weird genetic abnormality, but not her mother or grandmother? Prick

"It worked," Lena weakly said. Kiara grinned and she threw her arms around her. Lena was slow in reacting, but she eventually hugged Kiara back.

AAAAAAAWpredictable but AAAAW

Kathryn and Chakotay saw Kiara and Lena, and they rushed over to them. The two girls broke apart. Kathryn just started hugging Lena tightly.

"I'm so proud of you," Kathryn said quietly.

Why, cos she doesn't actually hate her own daughter and wanted to save her?

okay

fine, just complaining for the sake of it

Chakotay hugged both of them. Kiara, not wanting to be left out, joined in.

"Ooh, another group hug," Jessie said happily. She tried to go over to them, but James and Tani held her back.

omg, lol

"It's so sad, I think I'm going to cry," Jessie said, and she did so.

and you know, I bet she's barely a week pregnant at this point

wouldn't surprise me

"I dunno, but her quick change of emotions really are bugging me," James replied. Doctor Jones was about to say something but he decided against it. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, of will it? There's a nice rhetorical question for everyone.

uhhhhhhh

ermmm

oh look another scene

"Sorry, you weren't suppose to. If I told you it wouldn't of been much of a test, now would it?" Chakotay said.

"Test? You mean those gods were testing me. For what?" Lena asked.

"To see if you're sincere, and to prove your bravery," Chakotay replied.

like I said, those gods are dicks and there's no reason why this one is labelled the better version of the spell

Chakotay shrugged his large shoulders. "Maybe her death made you think twice without even realising it. You didn't want her to stay dead so you naturally did your best. The gods probably sensed that, and they gave Kiara's soul back."

OH HOW KIND OF THEM

"I can't believe it, after all we've said to each other, you did that for me," Kiara said.

"I didn't have much of a choice. It was either me, or nobody. Actually, I do want to apologise for acting so, annoying," Lena said quietly.

NOW HUG

Kiara apologies too and that is that, this storyline is over. Final tally for the Child Abuse story...

HAHA JUST KIDDING, SEE YOU NEXT "WEEK" probably

"What are you doing?" Lena asked. Ash Ketchum jumped slightly and he turned to her.

"If she wants to apologise about something, then I should apologise to her first. It may help her a little," Ash Ketchum replied.

Wishful thinking

in so many ways. nice try me

"For mocking you for all those years. I was just joking on with you, but that's not the point. Also, I'm sorry for being a pain at times," Ash Ketchum replied.

"For losing my temper with you all the time, never admitting that I was wrong, and most of all for being so god damn annoying," Tani replied.

"We were equally annoying, Tan. You don't have to apologise for that," Ash Ketchum said.

ok fine, that part wasn't so bad

"But I thought that little stunt was to finish this friendship," Tani pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. But I miss it, I hate being like those two we're suppose to be based on," Ashley said.

NO DON'T...

...RUIN IT

sigh

It gets worse, but at least Tani says she's sick of being me, so that's a start. The two become bffs and this happens

"So, do you want to go to the Holodeck?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah, why not. Race ya," Tani replied. The two rushed out of the room. Everyone on the deck could of heard the two giggling like school kids as they raced each other.

Yeah um, the middle ground between that based on comment and this, its a huuuuuuuuuuge gap.

When will Jessie get over that annoying emotion change thing?

I assume she'll be stabbed to death soon, stop fretting

Will Duncan and Kyle ever stop fighting?

I wouldn't call Duncan V Kyle a fight

Why is this episode so short compared to the other episodes?

SMALL MERCIES?

What exactly is Lea Halalela, really?

It's a song with African/Zulu lyrics about leaving your homeland to find help

It's not a Native American voodoo spell that is very picky about who does what

And is Kathryn's singing really that bad?

The question is, hasn't Janeway sang in this series (prequels excluded) already?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 26 (1574) WOW A NEW RECORD

Lena the Sue Count: 0 (39)

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 1 (36)

Annika Dies Count: 0 (10)

James Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 0 (4)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0 (17)

Just A Little Bit More: 3 (42)

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 11 (39)

Sexist Crap Count: 2 (87)

Jessie's Sin Points: Earned 0, Lost 0 (2) Remember, she has 36 from Season One to still erase.

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 0 (65)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

1) All of that "Indian" nonsense. I'm not even sure that 2 points is enough. One part of it is a separate complaint altogether. Still! (2)

2) A song with African/Zulu lyrics, and I know it because it's on a soundtrack for a film based in Africa, is used as the exotic foreign language song for a completely different culture, on a different continent... you get the idea. It's bad. so bad

3) While I'll give a positive for the scenes themselves, I must ask why the storyline with J/J and Danny/Ian's kids, the sibling rivalry etc had to happen in this one. Though to be fair it fits better than Tani's another attempt to hijack the plot. Sibling rivalry, nope Kiara and Lena are no longer siblings. FV parents suck? True but Lena comes through in the end, so... I dunno, feels like filler.

4) Chakotay knows a lot about this illness and its cure, but never thinks to warn anyone about it (other than Kiara herself I assume, since she knew of the ritual) until it's too late. Lena especially should have been told. His excuse makes sense, sure. This is his like a daughter to him granddaughter, you'd think he wouldn't want to take any chances.

5) This flipping ritual has so many picky requirements, and so many dangers. Alright fine it's a resurrection spell, so maybe it should. Some of the stuff though is ott stupid, and while yes I was joking about the lightning strikes and underwear, it probably didn't look that farfetched next to the others. Also it'd be nice if Chakotay warned his daughter she'd be physically tested, aka assaulted by gods, during her ritual.

6) A Lena and Kiara storyline, here comes Tani/Marill to make it all about her.

7) Another similar point that'll get cancelled out in Positives; James asks Lena what was it that finally killed Kiara. Why, what. Elbowed Jessie cos she made a remark that wasn't that bad.

8) Is it really necessary to use all the lyrics of the song? Nobody seems to know what it means anyway (except Bryan lol)

9) Oh god the ending, fourth walling this controversy even more. Dimension Jump wishes it was this bad.

Sub-total: 10

Positives:

1) Duncan proves it's never too early to take out the garbage. But seriously, Duncan's scenes are a highlight, love him

2) Certain foreshadowing in the scene where James insults Janeway's singing. Nudge nudge. Also his contributions to the scene lighten the mood. I quite liked James being compassionate to Tani despite the stuff she's done to him. It didn't seem too out of character at all. Afterwards, eeesh

3) Kiara and Lena's making up was pretty sweet, even though I know it's not gonna last.

4) Jessie's mood swings still make me laugh. more please.

5) The ritual is described pretty well. Take out most/all of the lyrics and *thumbs up*

Sub-total: 5

Marill's Rating: 33%

Okay I said Lea Halalela was out of the worst S2 episode running the last time, and yet here it is jumping into the top 10. I suppose it doesn't take much to do that.

Rankings So Far:

#01 Resistance: 53%
#02 YWF: 45%
#03 Disconnected: 40%
#04 Kiss of Death, Bittersweet, Suicidal: 38%
#05 Interactions: 37%
#06 The Resurrection: 36%
#07 True Q: 35%
#08 Cause & Effect, Lea Halalela: 33%
#09 Saturday Night, Precise Timings, The Curse of Voyager: 31%
#10 Games Resistance: 29%
#11 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#12 F9: Control Failure: 21%
#13 Why oh Why: 20%
#14 The Atamit: 19%
#15 An Apple A Day, Heiress: 17%
#16 I Know What You've Done This Season: 16%
#17 Halloween: 15%
#18 Dimension Jump: 14%
#19 The Slayers: 12%
#20 The Love Spell: 10%

Next Time: FANFIC DIMENSIONS returns, sick bags and stress balls on standby.