Marill Re-Reads Collective Instinct
Here's the stats so far.
Exclaimed Count: 90
Muttered Count: 176
Motto Count: 8
Sexist crap against my own gender count: 3
A favourite of Season One directly follows another. Worse Case Scenario 2 was a bit of fun that remains fun 15 years later. Its only real flaws were James' hijacking of the program so he could live out his future seasons heroic fantasies, and the tiny length. Collective Instinct is or was a favourite because it had a clever point to it, and it stuck to its plot unlike the majority of other "clever" episodes (FU Aggressions).
Does it stand the test of time? Probably not, Test of Time has no redeeming features.
Triah sighed as she looked at the state of her quarters. There was a piece of dust of the wall. She couldn't believe it, her room was now a mess. She picked up a cloth and she wiped the dust of the wall. The room was perfect again. The door chimed.
And from here on out Triah will only have one character trait.
Anyway this is the first thing you read in the episode, and let's just say I'd read this over the entirety of Timeless or Test of Time. It's not only inoffensive, it's good. Gasp!
It doesn't last though.
"Come in," Triah said happily. The pair that the whole crew called the Double Troublesome walked in.
YES WE GET IT. THEY WERE ORIGINALLY TEAM ROCKET IN VOYAGER. 7 EPISODES AGO. The episode the series stops reminding everyone of their origins and bothers to develop them properly I'll be a happy little Marill.
"Are you coming?" Jessie asked.
"No, sorry but I'm busy," Triah replied.
That bit of dust has flown back onto the wall. This will take a while.
"I know this sounds crazy but what about your brother," James asked.
"James, how could you!" Jessie exclaimed.
Poor Craig. He hasn't been OTT gross yet. Give him a chance.
"I doubt it, he's in Tom's new masterpiece, The Teletubbie War," Triah said.
"Yeah, Tom's," Jessie sniggered.
Seriously. Replace Muse with that, and I'll forgive all of Season One's sins.
World Domination can be erased, Director's Cut style.
"More like Kiara's Masterpiece," Jessie laughed. James laughed.
"What's so funny?" a voice said from behind them. They both jumped and they turned around. "Well, what's so funny?" Tom asked.
"We were just planning the Doctor's next outfit," James stuttered.
"Oh, so you're the ones who's been stealing my job. Remember reprogramming the Doc and making new holoprograms are my speciality, so in other words, you can't do either," Tom said. He walked away.
Gee, hijacking Tom's holonovels seemed a tad over the top cruel, UNTIL NOW. So no one's allowed to make their own programs, even for private use. I take anything back, GET STARTED ON FAIR HAVEN NEXT PLEASE.
"Wouldn't Tom look good in a Teletubbie outfit?" Jessie whispered.
"No, I was thinking more of a rabbit, he wouldn't last two seconds when those writers are around," James said. They both laughed and they headed for the Shuttle Bay.
A tiny task for you my lovely patient reader; remember what James says and the reaction afterwards for the rest of the re-read. Well until you spot the "uhhhhh" problem.
I'll probably remind you anyway *shrug*
The Bridge, two days later:
"You know, I have the feeling we've forgotten something," Harry said. Tom was standing next to him at Opps.
"Like what?" Tom asked.
"I don't know, but it seems important," Harry said.
I wouldn't worry about it. Craig shouldn't have taken the safeties off. Those Teletubbies can be mean. He'll learn the hard way.
"Maybe Chakotay crashed another shuttle and we've just left him behind," Tom replied.
"I don't think so," Harry said.
"Why?" Tom asked.
"He's on the Bridge right now," Harry said as he pointed at the command chairs.
So far Chakotay's crashed/lost no shuttles in FV. Meanwhile Tom's crashed/lost at least two by my count.
Craig and Triah walked onto the Bridge.
"Er, have you guys seen James and Jessie, I haven't seen them in two days," Triah asked.
OH CRAIG'S ALIVE? It wasn't that then.
"All stop!" Kathryn yelled. Tom ran to his station and he pressed a few controls. Voyager dropped out of warp and they sped to a halt.
I can't help it but whenever I read Voyager stopping urgently, I get the image in my head of that other fanfic where Tom's eyes widen, he slaps on a seatbelt and stops Voyager to grab a useless trinket floating in space. Leaving the bridge in a crumpled pile.
Anyway back to much less funny fanfic.
Janeway's reaction to this news is pretty well, interesting. Wink nudge. It means nothing, still too early.
"Jessie and James took a shuttle to a near by system, Tom said that they had docked," Chakotay replied.
"Yes, that's right," Tom said.
"Then why aren't they on the ship?" Kathryn asked.
"I assumed that their shuttle had docked," Tom said.
The plot thickens
"Tom, you were asleep for the whole of those two hours," Harry said.
"That's right, I must of dreamed that they docked," Tom muttered. Everyone collapsed in animé style.
Umm, that's uh... that's a bit... Never mind.
"Reverse course, Tom. We have to find them," Kathryn ordered.
"But I thought that crewmen either got killed or left behind?" Tom said.
Oh Tom. You're begging for a sequel to Worse Case Scenario 2.
"That's true because they're not main characters, but James and Jessie are!" Chakotay yelled.
"Ooops," Tom muttered.
I should complain but fourth wall comments exactly like this endured till Season Four. No "I was just a daft/insane kid" excuses.
"Hold on, I'm detecting transwarp signatures. I think a Borg Cube was here, two days ago," Harry said. Everyone stared angrily at Tom.
Good job Harry. This is a shining moment that goes well with "three, no four, six, one billion Borg vessels".
But lol for people blaming Tom.
"Oh great, does that mean they've been assimilated?" Triah asked.
"You don't have to jump to conclusions," Chakotay said.
WAIT FOR IT
"Yeah, lets hope they haven't. Can you imagine Jessie without hair?" Tom asked. Everyone thought for a few seconds, a few of their faces turned pale.
"She'll either commit suicide or she'll kill us," Craig said.
"Oh, well, there's no chance that James has survived then," Tom joked. Everyone stared angrily at him again.
Present day Jessie is a scary thought. Make up obsessed bitch Season One Jessie... OH LORD.
"Why, there's no proof that they've been assimilated. Secondly, they're the Borg," Triah said. Everyone looked puzzled.
THERE IT IS
And from here on out Triah will be known for having two character traits: cleaning obsessed and multiple personalities.
No wonder everyone's puzzled. Make your mind up woman.
"The Borg are a piece of cake," Harry said.
"Since when?" Triah asked.
YEAH. THERE'S BEEN NO BORG AT ALL IN FV. The closest we've gotten is Riley and Seven in Aggressions 2 *shudder*
"Since that new queen took over, she's insane, she loves talking to herself," Tom said.
SHE IS? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUN TO READ AND FIND OUT FOR OURSELVES LATER.
"How do you know that?" Craig asked.
"Er...I don't know," Tom muttered.
YOU KNOW IT BECAUSE MARILL HATES EVERYONE. EVEN HERSELF IN THE FUTURE. SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT LOGIC OR ANYONE'S ENJOYMENT. WORSE CASE WAS A FLUKE.
"Damn, I hate it when I do that," Raichu's voice said.
"Just hurry up and write this scene, I have the strange urge to play on Roller Coaster Tycoon," Marill's voice said.
"Shh, Pokémon World is coming on, I'll turn it up," Marill's voice said. Pokémon World by Youngstown and Nobody's Angel came on and the volume grew.
"What's that music?" Tom asked.
"I don't know, but it's quite catchy," Craig said and he started to dance. Triah smacked him on the head.
Pfft, original Pokemon World is the GOAT.
Meanwhile, Unimatrix 01 (the one after the forest):
(Only could be funny to anyone who has seen and remembers Unimatrix Zero but NM)
"The USS Voyager, is in the area, it may not be the Enterprise E, but we'll get our revenge on humans," the Borg Queen said.
Bitch please, you weren't fabulous enough to completely take over the Enterprise E.
And you're no Alice Krige either. So *sticks tongue out*
Come on. The USS Voyager COMMA is in the area COMMA. I'm still terrible with these but good god. I need the Qugaar's to help me with my pronouncation.
"Oh great, she's talking to herself again," Seven's dad said. Seven's mum nodded.
Snigger. Random use of Seven's parents. Dark Frontier has daddy by the Queen's side later, and Alice Queen probably would've made out with him in front of Seven to freak her out (best Queen!), further proving Samantha Queen is a chump. Although Alice set foot in Endgame so... nobody's perfect.
ACK OFF TRACK
"Damn, the link to the hive mind has severed a little," the Borg Queen said. Seven's parents were connected again to the insane queen. "Wait, something's happened, the nearest cube to Voyager has been disconnected. Borg Sphere 275 set a course."
The plot thickens
And see, isn't it better to slowly see the proof of the Queen's descent into madness instead of being warned about it a scene before? Fun spoiler, thy name is Marill.
Also the meanwhile and cube disconnect paints a disturbing picture if you know the story already. I'll try to remember to explain when we get there.
The music stopped much to Craig's disappointment.
"Captain, we've arrived," Tom said.
"Harry, where's our cube?" Kathryn asked.
To further that vague point, it doesn't take long for Voyager to get to the cube's position. It took them no more than a song.
"The power on that ship has been seriously dampened. It's on the fourth planet in the system," Harry said.
"On?" Chakotay asked.
"Yeah, the readings are coming from the planet's surface," Harry said.
It's a shuttle cube. Obviously.
"Is there any lifesigns?" Kathryn asked.
"Only a few," Harry said.
"Are any of them, Human?" Kathryn asked.
Ah, remember when Borg drones never generated life signs? I do, it never made sense to me, it's one thing from the first episode I'm glad never took.
BRING BACK THE SHIP CARVER!
"As I said, there is no proof that James and Jessie were assimilated," Triah said.
Triah talking to herself again.
"Well that was true a few seconds ago, but I've found two human lifesigns and remains of a Federation shuttle," Harry said.
"Chakotay, prepare an awayteam. Bring weapons," Kathryn said.
YAY, BRING THE BETSY BIG GUNS!
"But why, there are only a few of them, they won't pose a threat," Tuvok said.
"No, but Jessie without hair will," Tom said.
"Exactly," Kathryn said.
I REPEAT. BIG GUNS
"Tom, Tuvok, you're with me," Chakotay said.
"Oh god, this is suicidal," Tom muttered as he stood up. Chakotay, Tuvok and Tom entered the turbo lift.
"I wouldn't like to be them," Craig muttered.
Okay, gotta make a team for this dangerous and unknown mission. Two of our crew may be Borg and one's already a violent sort. We'll take the Vulcan, he's cool under pressure. Who else? I know, the fodder. How could I forget?
"Commander, how many Borg drones are we going to have in the main cast?" Tom asked.
"I don't know, three for the time being. Probably by the end of the season all of us will be drones," Chakotay replied.
There's only Seven so far. Stop looking at future episodes Tom. Most people don't like to spoiled.
"Close enough," Marill's voice said.
"Commander, I think I've found them," Tuvok said. Chakotay walked over to his position. Tom slowly followed. Tuvok and Chakotay pulled some wreckage away. Two drones were unconscious underneath.
"Geez, the Borg can fully assimilate people too quickly now," Tom muttered.
Yeah, I like Collective Instinct but I know it has a few plot errors. Here's another.
This is related to my disturbing comment earlier. I want all the evidence gathered before I talk about it.
"Their lifesigns are fading, we'd better get them back to Sickbay," Tuvok said.
Tom kneeled down and he picked up Jessie's arm. Chakotay and Tuvok looked at each other, Chakotay with a puzzled look and Tuvok with a Tuvok look. Tom stood up after he finished what he had done.
"See look, even when they're Borg, they're still all over each other," Tom said. Chakotay and Tuvok looked at the pair.
Tom the Twat strikes again. Ohnoes they're dying. WAIT, I gotta rearrange their arms so it looks like the ship crashed while they were making out. WHERE'S THE HARM?
"Tom, you need help," Chakotay said. Tom just grinned.
"Thanks," Tom muttered.
He needs a slap in this one. Worse Case really made him insufferable. Or more so.
NO FUN ALLOWED
(I'll admit, it's still a bit funny that he did it. The timing was poor, that's all)
"How long will it take to remove their technology?" Kathryn asked.
"I'm not sure, it'll take a lot longer if Jessie wakes up," the Doctor replied.
"AAAGGGH!" a voice screamed. Tom ran over to Kathryn and the Doctor.
"Sorry, Doc, I gave her a mirror," Tom muttered.
Well, we're getting straight to the point. Why not?
DAMN IT TOM. HOW DUMB ARE YOU?
"My beautiful hair, it's gone!" Jessie exclaimed. "And look at my face, it's a horrible dull grey and they put this horrible crap on it!"
Remove beautiful and she has my full sympathy.
Yes, Jessie's still a bit vain in later episodes. With her violent streak, she was pretty one note here though.
"Why did you do that Tom?" Kathryn asked.
"She threatened me with her assimilation tubules," Tom said.
Jessie's quite rightly freaked out at waking up as a Borg. Do I really need to explain the wrongness?
"I'd say, five hours Captain for Jessie and one hour for James," the Doctor said.
"I take it four of those hours will be spent trying to sedate her," Tom muttered.
"You take it right," the Doctor replied.
He picked up a hypospray and he snuck up to Jessie. She screamed again and she ran over to the medicine tray. "Come here, Crewman, the quicker you're sedated the quicker you'll be better."
"Shut up baldy!" she yelled and she threw a tricorder at him. She picked up a hypospray and she ran out of the room.
"Oh great. Make that six hours," the Doctor said.
OHNO, THE SUICIDE HYPOSPRAY(TM) AGAIN.
I'm sure Tom will spare us this time. GO
"Janeway to Security, Jessie has escaped Sickbay, try to find her, and make sure you're armed," Kathryn said.
"Armed, we're not trying to kill her," the Doctor said.
"The rifles will just be on stun, we need to stop her if she starts attacking crewmembers," Kathryn said.
I hope you left the commline on then so Security heard that part. Most who see a Borg running around will do the old rotate frequencies if not. Ouch.
Craig turned a corner and he bumped into a familiar Borg Drone.
"Oh, Jessie, you look different. Have you done something with your hair? Never mind you still look lovely to me," Craig said.
CRAIG STOP. WE ALREADY HAVE DUMBASS TOM BEING A DIPS$$$. WE DON'T NEED YOU
Jessie screamed in rage and she knocked him over. Some security officers appeared and one fired a phaser blast at her. It hit her in her arm. The other officers fired as well but a Borg shield blocked the attack.
Welp, they didn't hear the stun only recommendation. That first phaser blast probably only tickled.
"At least there's another advantage to being Borg," Jessie muttered.
She calmed down quickly, problem solv...
She pushed the security officers out of the way and she ran around the corner.
James had woken up, luckily for the crew he wasn't in the same mood as Jessie.
"I don't understand why she would run away. It'll be quicker is she was treated without resistance," Seven said.
I wonder how James is handling it then. Should be interesting.
"She would never admit it, but she's afraid of medical stuff. Probably the thought of you taking implants out of her scared her," James said.
Ooohh, something that's carried onto later episodes, mainly Season Four and B4FV3. HUZZAH. Though, a bit rude to say this behind her back James.
"Speaking of which, we'll have to start on you," the Doctor said as he held a laser scalpel.
"I can see why she ran away," James stuttered.
IT'S THIIIIISSSSSSSSSS BIG
"Don't worry, you'll be unconscious when I'm extracting implants from you," the Doctor said.
"But it doesn't decrease the pain," Seven said.
GEE THANKS SEVEN
"Seven, we'll have to improve your bedside manner," the Doctor said.
"It doesn't matter anyway, the patient is gone," Tom said.
"Oh for crying out loud," the Doctor exclaimed.
As usual, James can move around without anyone noticing. The man's got mad ninja skills, another thing that's still done today. Though to be not fair, this isn't a character trait introduction, it's a joke so... *shrug*
"James, where did you go?" Tom asked. Seven walked up to another bio bed and she looked behind it.
"Here he is," Seven said.
"Damn!" James said and he tried to run away again. Seven grabbed him and she used a hypospray on him. The Doctor walked over to her and he helped her carry him onto the bio bed.
Fast and quiet, but a s$$$ hider though. Nobody's perfect.
"She'll not come here, there's too many people here, she'll be caught easily," Neelix said.
"Are you sure. Whenever people say things like that they're always wrong," Naomi said.
I dunno, my attempts at saying "I'll never have a coffee appear in front of me" hasn't worked so far.
"Security to all hands on Deck Two. Secure your positions, a Borg Drone is on the loose."
"See," Naomi said.
No one likes a told you so-er Naomi.
"Computer, seal the doors," Neelix said.
"Unable to comply. The security systems for the Mess Hall have been disabled."
"Naomi, do you ever get sick of being right?" Kiara asked.
"In times like this I wish I was wrong," Naomi muttered.
OH THE JINX EFFECT. OF COURSE
And from now on Naomi pledges herself to being stupid to avoid damning everyone to Borg-Jessie's rampaging again.
The familiar Borg Drone ran into the room. Neelix went over to her to try and calm her down.
"Stay out of my way hairball, or you'll be assimilated!" she yelled.
Okay I was probably wrong. Being Borg isn't the problem. It's the no hair. Give her, her hair back and Jessie will be signing on the metaphorical dotted line.
Everyone flinched at the word hairball, even Jessie did. She got angry again and she pushed him over.
She also called Doc baldy earlier. So that's okay but hairball isn't? Just what hairstyle did Jessie have before this?
Security rushed into the room. They fiddled with their rifles and they fired. Jessie ducked and the blast hit an innocent crewman.
I bet that was Thingymajig again. He/she has no luck.
Jessie got even more angry and she knocked a rifle out of one of security people's hands.
Oh s$$$, that's even possible!?
Seven walked into the room.
"Mr Neelix, have you seen Crewman Rex?" she asked.
"She's just caused some havoc here, she left through that door a minute ago," Neelix said.
"Very well," Seven said. She quickly ran out of the room.
Seven's part in this episode is strangely big and not at her expense. It's obviously pre-Human Error.
Deck Three (aka the deck that's never mentioned):
In Voyager or FV? Either way, what a claim.
It's no "one after the forest" that's for sure.
Somehow, Damien and a group of rabbits had gotten onto Voyager. They were planning an invasion.
"This time, they won't get away from us, right rabbits?" Damien asked. The rabbits ignored him as usual. He handed out mini guns to them, but they just sniffed them. One of the rabbits tried to eat theirs.
The plot thickens
Meanwhile in Marill's house:
Back on Deck Three:
Marill and Raichu appeared in front of the rabbit army. Spotlight shined on them. Raichu looked like she was ready to die on the spot. The Team Rocket music started playing.
Damn it, I wasted my one skip card.
Screw it. *rewind*
"I think I'm going to collapse!" Raichu said as she searched through a drawer in the kitchen. "There must be some paracetemol around here," Raichu muttered. Marill ran in and she dragged Raichu out.
"Are you crazy?" she yelled.
"Ow, my head!" Raichu exclaimed.
"We've got work to do!" Marill yelled.
I think this is a slightly altered version of the true events.
"I think I'm going to collapse!" Raichu exclaimed as she searched through a bag lying on the sofa. "There must be some paracetemol or ibuprofen around here," Raichu muttered. Marill ran in and she dragged Raichu out.
"MY PAIN KILLERS!" she exclaimed.
"Ow, my headache!" Raichu muttered.
"MY PAIN KILLERS!" Marill shouted.
Raichu stared blankly. "You know, this explains a LOT."
It really would.
Anyway, I knew the Damien and rabbit scene was only half good. The Damien half to be exact. The reboot version upgraded it to involve the Bridge crew instead. As you expected the next scene starts with a stolen altered motto, or rather a motto with a headached Raichu instead of a depressed James, so:
Motto Count: 1
"I knew you would come. This time I'm ready for you, I brought my indestructible army," Damien said evilly. The pair looked at the group of rabbits.
"You should be scared, and I can tell because of your hesitation you're terrified, bwahahaha!" Damien laughed.
"The only thing I'm terrified about is if those rabbits poo all over the carpet," Marill said.
Why? No one ever uses this deck remember?
"Aaaghh! Rabbits!" a voice yelled. Marill and Raichu turned around to see who was yelling. Jessie was coming towards them with a phaser rifle.
"Oh, now you're setting your characters onto me?" Damien asked.
"She should have been captured by now," Marill muttered.
HOLY S$$$ "SHOULD HAVE" Surely that's been find and replaced in recent years. I refuse to believe I wrote that correctly the first time.
Once again, writers are surprised at something happening that they should know about. Damien's supposed to be an outside element they can't control, and yet they know about him on the so called not used deck where nothing's happening. Okay!?
The rabbits had taken a liking to Jessie and they were jumping up at her. She looked absolutely terrified.
Earlier on Marill Re-Reads Collective Instinct
"Wouldn't Tom look good in a Teletubbie outfit?" Jessie whispered.
"No, I was thinking more of a rabbit, he wouldn't last two seconds when those writers are around," James said. They both laughed and they headed for the Shuttle Bay.
And now the conclusion...
Same episode. Ridiculous.
James jokes about turning the Tom in the program into a rabbit, or wearing a rabbit costume. They both laugh. Several scenes later Jessie's screaming more than I do when I see a big spider.
I'm not expecting her to freak out at the mere mention or slap James for even suggesting it. Though if it were anyone else, the latter would've happened. Since it was the same damn episode to have Jessie's fear being used in the plot, a little hint or remark to foreshadow it would've been perfect there.
But no. This looks like the rabbit joke and her phobia were written out of my ass when I got to this part.
The joke's VERY LIKELY. The phobia, I dunno. With Damien's rabbit jokes re-occuring, I wanted someone who'd at least dislike them. Morgan reacts with a shudder and "eew gross" a few times for a while, so it's possible it was meant to be her and I thought Jessie's reactions were better. They are, so happy "accident".
"Get these disgusting things away from me!" Jessie squealed.
"Okay rabbits, you've surrounded her now, now attack!" Damien yelled. The rabbits ignored him. A few of them were rubbing their heads against Jessie's leg.
Still funny to me.
Though I'm picturing my version of this, my phobia surrounding me and on my leg... and MY SKIN'S CRAWLING. I'M GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES TONIGHT - LOL WHAT ELSE IS NEW. Poor Jessie. It's funny to everyone but her.
Here's a question. I found out cat phobia is real after I gave it to James, but is there a rabbit one? Why ask, I have the google.
First result is on uncyclopedia.wikia.com, so I'm gonna guess no.
What is it called when you are afraid of rabbits?
Why do bunnies cause debilitating fear in some people? A German student who claimed her teacher was terrified of rabbits was exonerated in a defamation suit on Tuesday when the judge determined that the teacher did, indeed, have a raging case of leporiphobia.
Yep it exists. Cat phobia is also called Ailurophobia. Yay. Carry on.
"How can they like a Borg?" Marill asked.
I didn't know rabbits were this friendly to anyone to begin with.
"What are you doing! You're suppose to be attacking!" Damien yelled.
Jessie couldn't take it any more and she ran back from where she came from. She ran straight into Security. They grabbed her by the arms, she easily got away.
SECURITY, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER
Seven came around the corner. She grabbed Jessie's arms and she used the hypospray on her.
"Oh well, Damien, for once you proved useful," Marill said.
Seven to the rescue?
At least she doesn't get the thanks. Phew, this is still FV. Had to check.
"Rabbits! Attack!" Damien yelled angrily. The rabbits decided to go to sleep.
We are the rabbit collective. We will add your carrots to our own. Time for a nap. Resistance is futile.
"Some indestructible army," Raichu moaned.
"Actually they're kinda cute," Marill said.
Were you taking it seriously before, Raichu?
"Rabbits, wake up!" Damien yelled. All of them did, they looked very angry. "Good, now attack!" Damien yelled. They did, they attacked him. After five minutes of biting and scratching he eventually disappeared.
Marill groaned. She and Raichu disappeared once again.
Captains Log Stardate 53???.?: The Doctor has finally removed Crewman Rex and Ensign Taylor's implants. He has told me that they will be fit for duty in two days.
You're not even trying are you?
"Oh thank god, have the rabbits gone?" Jessie asked.
"What rabbits?" James asked.
"Damien and a bunch of rabbits appeared, if it wasn't for those rabbits we never would of caught her," Seven said.
No one told James about this? Nobody said "that was super weird, what was the deal with the rabbits?" Okay.
Jessie stared oddly at James. "There's something different about you," she muttered.
What? Imagine the damage I can do with one of these Borg arms. I'm sure it'll be a great running gag later.
"The Doc's removed most of my implants, and my god does it hurt," James muttered.
"Wimp," the Doctor muttered. He picked up a mirror and he handed it to Jessie.
Took the word right out of my mouth.
Though I say that, but I'd probably be in a coma after all that, sleeptalking about ibuprofen and spiders.
I'm really painting myself as a druggie in this one.
"No, keep it away!" Jessie exclaimed.
Yes that's my reaction to mirrors too.
"It's okay, Jess, your implants have been removed too," James said. She took the mirror off the Doctor and she had a look. A big grin grew on her face.
Aaaw, how nice...
"I'm beautiful again!" Jessie exclaimed.
She jumped off the bed and she gave James a big hug.
What? It's not just a hug, it's a BIG hug.
"Thank god for that," the Doctor muttered. He and Seven walked away. Tom and Harry walked in.
"See, what did I tell you," Tom said, as he pointed at Jessie.
What did you tell Harry again? The last thing I remember you saying to Harry was you dreamed about a shuttle docking, likely the Flyer, with porn music playing in the background. Then you welcomed it home with a kiss while James and Jessie hurried away, looking grossed out.
She doesn't look grossed out.
"Tom, do me a favour," Harry said.
"What?" Tom asked.
"Shut up," Harry said.
He was referring to James and Jessie being all over each other FYI, which he said to Chakotay and Tuvok. Yep.
"What are you two doing here?" the Doctor asked.
"Er, to see the patients," Tom muttered.
"He means to skit the patients," Harry said.
What else does Tom do?
"That's more realistic, get out. Don't come back until your next duty shift," the Doctor said.
Tom actually works in Sickbay? Why haven't I noticed this yet?
Don't answer that. It's obvious.
Tom left Sickbay in a huff. Seven walked over to James and Jessie.
"Crewman, why were you so afraid of those creatures, I find it hard to understand," Seven asked.
"Jessie used to have a rabbit when she was six but it bit her. She's been afraid of them ever since," James said.
James no! She asked Jessie, not you. First the medical stuff now rabbits. You want to tell everyone about B4FV3's events too, while you're at it.
"Then how come you weren't scared when you reprogrammed Mr Paris' holodeck program?" Seven asked.
OR THE TOM IN RABBIT COSTUME. FINALLY!
"What are you talking about?" Jessie asked.
"I saw you, James and Kiara reprogramming one of Mr Paris' programs. I checked what you done, you programmed a bunch of aliens called the rabbits," Seven said.
Did you do this before they left or is this a reference to Worse Case Scenario 2?
Still, I'll take it. The episode did not forget that earlier error. AND I FORGOT THE RABBITS IN WORSE CASE 2 TOO. Though I only berated this one as the phobia was scenes later. Also it's likely only Kiara and James were involved in the rabbit villains.
"So you three are the ones who's doing it," Harry said.
"Whatever you do, don't tell anyone. Besides, the Captain told us to fiddle with his programs," James said.
"That doesn't sound like her," Harry said.
"Well why don't you ask her then," Jessie said.
NM, we got no answer.
Harry grinned and he walked out of the room. Seven also left. The Doctor went to his office. Jessie looked at her hand.
EVERYONE GET OUT. IT'S SHIPPY TIME. That's what it says in the "script".
"Why are these things still on my hand?" Jessie asked.
"Oh, the Doctor can't remove them," James said.
"But it spoils my looks. Who would want to go out with girl who has assimilation tubules on her hand?" Jessie asked angrily
Jessie never has and never will mention her interest in dating anyone. So far she's shown some interest in James, and I dunno, she should know him better than that. All this is, besides a huge character retcon never mentioned again, is an excuse to kick off the James/Jessie 'ship. You know some thought could've went into it so it flowed into the same conversation, and reboot proves that with Jessie only being insecure as she's insecure, no boys mentioned.
So yeah James proves me right...
"I would," James said quietly.
AT LEAST HE'S IN CHARACTER... KINDA
"Me too," a voice said.
A WILD SHIP SCENE BLOCKER HAS APPEARED
FIGHT, POKÉMON, ITEMS, RUN?
"Ohno, it's not," Jessie muttered. Craig jumped up from behind a console.
Seriously wtf. He was hiding there the whole time, waiting for Jessie to say something, anything about dating, so he could jump out and scare her into date time with Craig?
It's not funny. It's pretty damn weird, and does nothing to get Craig out of comic relief/creepy stalker territory.
Morgan can't arrive soon enough and even then he takes a while to stop it, as I recall.
"If he doesn't want ya, I'll have you. I've got this special program..." Craig said.
James wasn't that quiet, was he?
Did he mishear, and thought YES JAMES ISN'T INTERESTED, MY ONLY OBSTACLE DEFEATED. SHE'S MINE NOW!
The Doctor came out of his office and he pushed Craig out of the door.
"No flirting in Sickbay," the Doctor said angrily and he went back into his office.
THERE REALLY SHOULD BE A SIGN
I imagine it would have "With exceptions: Janeway/Chakotay & James/Jessie" underneath in small print.
James started to leave the room. Jessie grabbed his arm and she pulled him backwards.
"What did you mean by, you would?" Jessie asked.
Well you see, when two people really like each other...
"Huh?" James said.
"I said who would want to go out with a girl who has assimilation tubules on her hand and you said you would," Jessie said.
I think you just answered your own question. Either that or he's got a fetish. It's either or both, not complicated.
"Uhoh, I gotta go," James said quickly and he ran out of the room. Tom poked his head through the door.
"Jessie's got a boyfriend, Jessie's got a boyfriend!" he chanted.
Tom's got a broken nose, Tom's got a broken nose.
Good god, you can tell I was still in school when I wrote this. Tom's acting like he is too.
She walked over to the door and she pressed the close button. It closed with his head still in the door. His head was stuck. Jessie walked over to him.
It's super effective!
"Oh, great, a punch bag," Jessie said.
"Uhoh," Tom muttered.
JESSIE USED "FURY ATTACK"
TOM HAS FAINTED
Remember when I said that the Tom stuff was closer to bullying and that it would make people feel sorry for him, instead of cheering Jessie on? Finally an episode that pulls the intent off right. Craig still keeps getting away with creepy stuff, so... Test of Time will see to that.
I almost forgot and no surprise there, the episode didn't exactly do much to remind me. This episode presents itself as a silly romp revolving around Jessie losing her marbles because the Borg stole her hair and made her "ugly", and there's rabbits. However that was only ever supposed to be a distraction. Collective Instinct intentionally hides its purpose. No problem right, I'm the queen of distracting from a main plot.
Honestly, it does it too well. I'll get onto that in the negatives/positives. I wanted to make that clear before actually mentioning the few lines that made my eyebrow rise.
First: The two day time lapse.
After the initial James/Jessie scene, two days go by and the Voyager crew discover they never returned. Then they discover a Borg transwarp signature not far away and set a course, thinking the worst. A meanwhile switches to the Borg Queen who complains about a cube disconnecting from her, while also noting that her link is weakening. She orders a cube to apprehend Voyager and investigate this. Note, another possibly clever hidden part that you're distracted from. The cube never arrives. Flaw with the story, FV style, or was it on purpose?
We return to Voyager who finds the remains of the cube and their missing crewmembers. Voyager never really investigates the Borg crash, they don't even go "huh, these two are disconnected without us doing anything. That's weird." They recover their crew and leave.
I'll leave it as that, for now.
Second: Is more of a mistake that you may not notice unless you read the reboot or get what's happening. The speedy assimilation. We've all seen First Contact. The assimilation seemingly goes so far, quite fast, and then the other drones get to work on the more delicate parts like the eye, new arm and I assume the bodysuit. Two days until the disconnect, sure why not? Tom's comment is there for a reason though.
Third: the system and once more the two days
Voyager arrives at the crash site remarkably quickly despite the fact that J/J were investigating a system nearby to Voyager two whole days ago. It can't be the same one, can it?
The crash had to be pretty recent too, since J/J and a few other drones managed to survive. If it were two days later after such a nasty crash that obliterated the cube, there really shouldn't have been any.
Summary: I'll just go ahead and explain it. The shuttle was not assimilated at that first system, nor two days ago either. The cube spotted them and not Voyager and pursued. I imagined the shuttle fled in a different direction to not draw the Borg attention to Voyager, and were eventually captured. The disconnection was meant to happen within minutes. The crash wasn't immediate but still not long afterwards. The Queen only notices all this when the disconnect spreads a bit (ie Seven's parents) and she fixes it. The Borg cube she sends after Voyager, like in the reboot, suffer a similar fate once they get within range of the problem.
The only thing that spoils this is the full assimilation. That's an error and again doesn't seem like one since the episode hides the above paragraph too well.
As mentioned, the episode distracts a little too well and why not, I am/was good at that. Reboot I think throws the hints far more clearly without giving the whole game away too soon. The original ignores too much. The crew don't wonder why they're disconnected or mention it for that matter, wonder why the ship crashed or determine how long they were assimilated. If they did, then the hints could've landed a bit better. Original Collective definitely seems like a one off silly episode without any of this.
It still foreshadows. The Queen has a link hitch, a cube has been lost. CI at least does this right.
The best thing I think Collective Instinct does is make it Jessie's episode and not James', when really... he's got a bigger part in it that you're meant to know. If I focused on him instead, it would've spoiled everything I feel. Reboot proves it. Though to be fair, the Reboot episode has hindsight; the rest of the series. I think S5's Five and maybe one other episode (one of the S4 finale eps) hints at the reason for the disconnection. The original didn't have that, I probably thought I'd explain it eventually but later decided to keep it a mystery. Anyway I blabbed enough.
Now I have to admit something here first before I go ahead criticising or complimenting this one. I'm not myself at the moment. A few days ago everything piled on, and one tiny extra problem made me snap like an annoying and whingy twig. The only emotion I seem to be capable of is anger. Reading through this I felt mostly nothing. So erm, yeah. I dunno if it reflects on my re-reads writing style as I tried to make it seem my version of normal throughout. Why mention it if that's the case? I feel it will still reflect badly on the scores I give for this, negative and positive. Unless it annoys me greatly, I'm likely to miss a negative BUT I can be very negative like this so I may nitpick more. Positives are definitely hard to come by in this state.
If I feel the episode was ranked unfairly later when I'm better, I'll do it again.
Well let's see how everything tallies up.
1) James jokes about turning Holo-Tom into a rabbit or giving him a rabbit costume. Jessie laughs with him. Later when she is around rabbits, she screams bloody murder. With a phobia this bad, surely she'd not only hate the idea and not laugh, but give James hell for putting that image in her head. Speaking from experience really here. If her phobia had been decided before the rabbits scene, this conversation at the beginning could've been a foreshadowing event. Easily. It just makes me feel like I didn't decide to give her a phobia until halfway through the episode.
2) Tom's not at the helm but magically appears there without moving and gets blamed for Voyager's rough stop.
3) The flimsy excuse about not noticing James and Jessie hadn't come back. Oh I dreamed they did, my bad!
4) The Borg Queen link troubles are spoiled a few lines before it happens so the Voyager crew can make fun of the Borg, in the first proper Borg episode of the series. Nice.
5) WRITERS. Though Damien's appearance later will even out this negative point
6) The very quick assimilation of James & Jessie, when the not meant to be seen but hinted at point is they were only Borg for a very short length of time.
7) Sure it's her character in this season but I for one hate super vain Jessie. She's greatly toned down in later seasons for a good reason. It's written as more of a defence mechanism and she doesn't really believe it, which is much better than her being a direct rip off of Team Rocket Jessie.
8) Twice James airs Jessie's secrets to people she probably wouldn't want to share anything with. First about her aversion to hospitals, and second the reason why she fears rabbits. Some friend he's being.
9) Jessie breaks character to whine that the Borg implants left will put men off her. Not once has she given a crap about this. In fact she's more likely to bat the men away, literally, than try to attract them. All just to get the James likes her back hint out in the open. It's stupidly and offensively lazy. I proved it can be done without breaking character.
1) The opening paragraph is a refreshing not painful one, its style gives you an ickle insight into Triah.
2) I like my insane Borg Queen, so nyeh! She was my way of explaining why the Borg are such pushovers in S5+ Well kinda, Collective Instinct's meant to do this too. Ahem.
3) Jessie's freakout goes a bit OTT and inconsistant, but it does what it's meant to do.
4) Damien's rabbit army is one of the few highlights of Season One.
5) Harry tells Tom to shut up about James and Jessie. He's teasing them only a few lines later, the thought counts though!
6) It starts out very sloppy and out of character, but hurray for James/Jessie hints in old school episodes. James admits he'd date her, even it was quiet. It wasn't quiet enough as Jessie heard and immediately calls him out on it. It's excellent foreshadowing for their story in Holo Q. (Oh god Holo Q, I'm dreading most of that).
Marill's Rating: 7/10
Exclaimed Count: 7 (97)
Muttered Count: 25 (201)
Motto Count: 1 (9)
Sexist crap against my own gender count: 0 (3)