Episode 1.22: Too Q


Too Q

Episode Synopsis
Different crewmembers find 6 children, who for some reason belongs to those crewmembers, but nobody recognises them.

Guest Stars
Firera as herself
Raichu as herself
Marill as herself
John De Lancie as Q
Keegan De Lance as Q2

Written By
Firera & Raichu

15th April 2001

Episode Based In
June 2376 (late season 6)


"Tom, we're not even married yet, we can't have a child now," B'Elanna moaned as she was working at the console. What B'Elanna and Tom didn't know was that Harry & Triah were eaves dropping.

"But I've always wanted to be a parent, B'El," Tom muttered.

"So have I but don't you think we should take things one step at a time?" B'Elanna muttered.

"Fine, have it your way," Tom said. He left Engineering.

B'Elanna looked over to Harry & Triah. They noticed and they quickly continued working.

A strange noise caught B'Elanna's ear. It was coming from the jeffries tube. She walked towards it and she opened the door. She gaped in shock.

"Where did this come from? B'Elanna to Sickbay," B'Elanna said.

"Sickbay here."

"Has anybody except the Captain and Samantha got a kid?" B'Elanna asked.

"No, why do you ask?"

"Then why is there a three year old sitting in the jeffries tube?" B'Elanna asked as she stared at the Klingon kid who had his back to her.

"I don't know. Beam him or her here for observation."

B'Elanna moved away from the jeffries tube and she keyed in some commands. She and the child beamed away.

"What's going on?" Triah asked.

"Beats me, I'll go and find out," Harry replied. He left Engineering.

Triah heard a kids giggle coming from the upper part of Engineering. She climbed up the ladder and she got to the top.

"Kiara, Naomi, is that you?" she asked as she got to the top. She saw a kid spinning on a chair and it was definitely not Kiara or Naomi. Triah walked up to him and she stopped the chair. He looked Japanese and he had short black hair. "So, who are you?" Triah asked. He giggled at her and he tried to spin the chair again. "Triah to Sickbay."

"Doc, who do these kids belong to?" B'Elanna asked.

Sickbay had become a nursery. B'Elanna, Triah, three other girls, three little boys and two little girls had dominated Sickbay.

"I'm checking the results now. I just hope there are no more," the Doctor muttered. Much to his horror Morgan walked in trying to persuade another little girl to follow her in. "I don't believe it," he moaned.

Morgan walked back out and a few seconds later she came in with the kid in her arms.

"Doctor, where the hell did this brat come from!" she yelled which made the girl cry. The other kids decided to join in as well.

"I've finished my analysis. First let me scan this other girl," the Doctor said as he took the wailing girl off Morgan. He scanned her for a couple of seconds and he walked towards his console. "Hmm, interesting," he muttered. He tapped his commbadge.

"Sickbay to Bridge. Can you tell Lieutenant's Paris, Anderson and Kim to come to Sickbay. Oh and also Ensigns Liyhye, Juhid and Ayala as well," Doctor said.

"As you wish, Doc," Chakotay's voice said.

Five minutes later the six guys walked into the room. The girls were laughing at them.

"Doc, are you trying to say that they're the dads?" Triah laughed.

"Hmm, that's quite funny. Why don't you get the mums here too," Morgan said.

"I already have," the Doctor said. All the girls stared at him in shock. The Doctor introduced three of the kids to the six guest stars. The Doctor then picked up the boy that B'Elanna found and he walked up to B'Elanna and Tom.

"This one's yours," he said. Tom & B'Elanna stared blankly at the kid. Tom took the kid into his arms.

"What's wrong Tom, I thought you wanted a kid," B'Elanna said sarcastically. Tom ignored her.

The Doctor picked up the second boy and he handed him to Harry.

"This one belongs to you and Triah," the Doctor said. Both of them stood there in shock.

"You've done it again, Harry. First it was a Hologram then it was a..."

Ten minutes later:
"...then it was giant blob, and now it's a clean freak girl that has Craig for a step brother," Tom said.

"Are you quite finished yet?" Harry asked.

"No, I missed Morgan out of that list. She was in between the mermaid and that Monkey Island 1-28 character," Tom said.

"Monkey Island?" the Doctor muttered.

"Yeah that game that came out in the 1980's and the creators went a bit nuts on it so they made twenty seven more sequels over the course of one hundred and fifty years," Tom said.

"Which character did he like, cos I'd love to control her," Craig said.

"She was the one who got married to the main character in the third one. Tough luck Craig," Tom replied. Craig groaned.

"It doesn't matter anyway Lieutenant, you have this lovely three year old girl to look after.. with Morgan," the Doctor said.

"Uhoh," Tom muttered. Everyone looked around and they couldn't see Morgan anywhere. The Doctor noticed that she had fainted and she was lying on the floor. "Lets just hope he doesn't ask his own daughter out," Tom muttered. The Doctor helped Morgan onto a biobed.

"Oh well, I'll leave you to get used to family life, bye," the Doctor said.

"But Doc, where did these kids come from?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. I'll have a word with the Captain," the Doctor said.

"This actually sounds familiar to what happened with Kiara," Tom said.

"Yeah and we still didn't find out how she came to be," B'Elanna said.

"I don't care as long as Morgan and I have a kid," Craig said in a dreamy tone of voice.

"I think I'm going to be sick," B'Elanna muttered.

"We all feel like that," Tom said.

"No seriously," B'Elanna said.

"Not in my Sickbay!" the Doctor screeched.

The Conference Room:
"How are they getting on, Doctor?" Kathryn asked.

"Not too well. The three couples that are guest stars are doing fine because nobody cares about them. Morgan still hasn't left Sickbay after fainting. Tom and B'Elanna are getting on okay with each other but not the child. People are complaining because Harry & Triah are always fighting," the Doctor replied.

"I'm actually surprised that one of the kids wasn't one of theirs," Chakotay said as pointed at Jessie and James.

"What does that mean exactly, tattoo boy," Jessie said angrily.

"He's right. I'm surprised the writers weren't nasty to you two this time," Kathryn said.

"Just wait until Season Two, hahahahaha," Marill's voice laughed.

"Marill, what are you doing here, this is our story only," Firera's voice asked.

"This is my house damn it! And that's my computer! I have a right to be here!" Marill's voice yelled.

"No what I mean is why are you featured in this episode when you're not writing it?" Firera's voice asked.

"You always pop into our stories, right Raichu?" Marill's voice asked.

"By the way, Doc, do you have any idea where these children came from?" Kathryn asked.

"No idea, Captain. It's still a mystery to where Kiara came from as well," the Doctor replied.

"Keep working on it," Kathryn said.

"Aye Captain," the Doctor replied.

Morgan woke up to a small face staring at her. Morgan sat up quickly in shock. The girl was sitting on her legs.

"Hi!" she yelled.

"Doctor, get this thing away from me!" Morgan yelled. The Doctor and Craig rushed into the room.

"She's not a thing, Morgan. She's your daughter," the Doctor said.

"I DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER!" Morgan yelled.

"You do now," the Doctor said.

"Oh come on, Morgan, what's wrong with her?" Craig asked.

"I don't want a bloody kid!" Morgan moaned.

"Tough, you have one now," the Doctor said.

"And what are you going to do about it baldy!" Morgan yelled she picked up the girl and she pushed her into Craig's arms and she ran out of Sickbay.

"So, Craig, what are you going to name her?" the Doctor asked.

"Er, Lene is nice. That was my mum's name," Craig replied.

"What should we call him?" Tom asked.

"Mischief," B'Elanna muttered as their kid started crawling on the console. He pressed some controls. The lights went off for a couple of seconds and they came back on. Tom picked up the boy.

"What about Tommy," Tom said.

"That's similar to your name but I like it," B'Elanna said.

"Hehehehe, what does this button do?" Tommy asked. He pressed the button and the warp core disappeared. "Cool!" he giggled.

"Janeway to Engineering. I didn't say you could eject the core."

"Oh sorry, it was Tommy," B'Elanna said.

"Tom huh? Tom report to my ready room."

"You heard her Tom," B'Elanna said. Tom looked gobsmacked.

"But it was Tommy not me," Tom said.

"So, he's only three. You were holding him so it was your fault," B'Elanna said.

The Bridge:
Kathryn headed into her ready room. Jessie and James were at the helm.

"One of you two, get the warp core back. And for god's sake there can only be one helm person," Chakotay said.

"Helm, yeah," Jessie muttered.

"Oops, wrong station. I was wondering what happened to my saves," James said.

"Saves?" Chakotay asked.

"Uhoh," they both muttered and they ran out of the Bridge. Meanwhile Triah and Harry were arguing at Harry's station.

"Your kid!" Triah yelled as she pushed the kid into Harry's arms.

"No, yours!" Harry yelled as he gave the kid back to Triah.

"Yours!" Triah yelled.

"Yours!" Harry yelled.

"So, er, guys. What are you calling him?" Chakotay asked. Harry and Triah glared at him.

"Kojiro, and he's yours!" Triah yelled.

"No, he's yours!" Harry yelled.

"Hey, I just thought. James in the Japanese Pokémon is called Kojiro," Tani said.

"Definitely yours!" Triah yelled.

"I'm not having a kid named after a cowardly goof ball!" Harry yelled.

"I heard that!" a deep goofy voice said.

"Er, that wasn't James, the voice was too deep," Harry said.

"Oooh, another James. I wonder if he's a cutie too," Tani said.

"It's more than likely to be the cartoon character. Don't ask me how it could be possible. But it did sound like him," Triah said.

"I was right, he is a cutie! I just love that baby face and the blue hair," Tani said. Everyone felt sick. Suddenly another girl that's not on the cast list appeared out of nowhere.

"It's purple hair!" she yelled.

"Blue!" Tani yelled.

"Purple!" the girl yelled.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Chakotay asked.

"Oooh, you're cute," the girl said.

"Excuse me but the monkey asked you a question, you colour blind girl," Tani said angrily.

"Oh, I'm Nicola, where's Tom and H?" she replied.

"H?" Harry muttered.

"Yeah, Marill said that H was playing a character in Fifth Voyager," the girl replied. Marill appeared. She tried to drag Nicola away.

"Come on, you're not suppose to be here. Go and drool over Chris," Marill said.

"But I want to see Tom and H," Nicola moaned as Marill dragged her out of the Bridge.

"That was disturbing," Chakotay muttered.

The Conference Room:
Everyone was there including the kids. The kids, however, were crawling around on the floor eating chocolate. Chocolate hand prints were all over the floor.

"Er, question number one. Why are these three year olds less mature than Kiara is?" Kathryn asked.

"I may have an answer. Q's grow very quickly but they do not mature as quick, I believe that Q has put these children here to play a joke on us," the Doctor said

"That's only partially accurate, baldy."

Q appeared in a flash of light. "Hello everyone, it's great to see you all again," Q said with his arms out stretched. Everyone groaned.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Morgan asked.

"You don't recognise me darling? Surely you must remember my last visit, when you were two years old," Q said.

"Don't call me darling," Morgan said angrily.

"Q, why are these children here and what the hell have you done to your hair?" Kathryn asked.

"My dear Kathy, that was a very rude question, but for you I will answer. My son, Q2, decided to have some fun so he brought these children into existence. For your second question, I have the same hair style that I have in original Voyager episode 'Q2," Q replied as he put his feet up on the table.

"Where is your son?" Chakotay asked.

"Well Chief, your guess is as good as mine," Q replied. He stood up and he walked up to Tani. He stared at her for a couple of seconds. "Tell me Kathy, how many more characters are you going to add to this very large main cast list?" Q asked as he stared at Tani.

"Quit that or I'll punch that big nose of yours," Tani said angrily.

"Q, as far as I know, there is two more main characters coming in this season. Now will you sort this problem out before it gets more out of hand than it is already," Kathryn said.

"Of course. I just have to find my son," Q said.

"This episode is just getting better by the minute," Chakotay said sarcastically.

"This is so fun," Q2 giggled. B'Elanna, Tom and Tommy walked into the room.

"I don't recognise that kid," Tom muttered.

"That must be Q's brat," B'Elanna muttered. They both walked up to Q2.

"Hi, having fun?" Q2 asked.

"Yeah, whatever. Your dad wants you," Tom replied.

"Meh! Who cares," Q2 replied.

"We care. These kids are really a nice gift but we can't except them. It doesn't feel the same," B'Elanna said.

"Humans," Q2 muttered. Q appeared in a flash of light.

"The turtle head is right son, why don't we just.." Q said.

"Why don't you just leave us alone," Tom said.

"My Tommy, you're very rude," Q muttered.

"Dad, can't they keep the kids just a little while longer?" Q2 asked.

"Sorry, this episode is running out of writing time already," Q replied.

"Oh okay, next time we'll have a much longer episode, right dad?" Q2 asked.

"Of course," Q replied. They both disappeared. All six children disappeared not long afterwards.

Captains Log: This episode.. er I mean this situation didn't last as long as we thought. We are carrying on with our journey home.

"Okay Tom, B'Elanna, I've determined why you are always being sick all the time B'Elanna. You're pregnant," the Doctor said in a cheerful manner.

"That's great, B'Elanna!" Tom said and he hugged B'Elanna.

Meanwhile in the Mess Hall:
Morgan, Craig, Tani, Jessie, James & Triah sat at a table eavesdropping on the previous conversation.

"Ha! Now they've got a brat for real," Triah said.

"Yeah, and I don't," Morgan said happily.

"Okay, who's next?" Craig asked. Everyone looked at Jessie and James.

"What?" they both asked in unison.

"Will you be the next ones to have a kid?" Morgan asked.

"Don't make me sick. Kids are disgusting little rats!" Jessie snapped.

"Um yeah, and why would we have a kid?" James asked.

"They have no idea do they," Morgan said.

"Oh Q!" Triah yelled.

"No! Don't do it!" James yelled.

"Don't worry guys, Season Two is getting closer," Morgan whispered.

"What does that mean?" Jessie asked.

"I don't know, I think the writers were just using me as a messenger," Morgan replied. Neelix walked over to the table.

"I thought that I could make an appearance in this episode. How about some Tribble Stew?" Neelix asked. Everyone rushed out of the room as fast as they could.


****THE END****

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