Mental Illness

Episode Synopsis
When the crew get infected with a mental virus the Doctor and Craig are the only ones that can save the crew from an attacking alien ship.

Guest Stars
Firera as herself
Marill as herself
Raichu as herself
Desmond Harrington as Damien
?? as The Old Man

Written By

31st December 2000

Episode Based In
May 2373 (early season 4)


On some unknown planet:
"It won't be long now," a strange voice boomed. His console bleeped. He pressed a button and the viewscreen came on. The shadow of two figures was displayed. "So the team is ready?"

"Sir!" two voices responded.

"So is the formula been put in all of the supplies?" the strange voice asked.

"Yes, the ships chef was delighted to take them," a woman's voice replied.

"Was it really all right to give away all of those supplies for free?" a man with a deep goofy voice said.

"Small price to pay for what I'll get in return," the strange voice said. "When I give the signal, I want the team to attack that ship and steal anything that you can."

"That's our boss all right, pure genius!" another voice snarled.

"This time failure is out of the question," the strange voice said.

"Aye aye sir," the two voices said.

"We can do it," the new voice said.

Voyager, the Mess Hall:
"Neelix, what the hell is that?" Craig muttered as he stared at the stuff on the plate that Neelix called food.

"It's called Neelix's Pikachu Stew, it's my enhanced version of the Pikachu Stew that we got of those nice traders," Neelix said.

"I think I'll just use the replicator," Craig muttered and he walked away.

"Pikachu stew! That's evil Firera!" Marill's voice moaned.

"It's not really made from Pikachu's, the evil boss type guy hates Pikachu so he just named a stew after it. Anyway this is my story, I'll do what I want!" Firera's voice yelled.

"Oh whatever," Marill's voice muttered.

Tom, Harry & B'Elanna walked into the Mess Hall. They walked up to Neelix and stared at the food.

"Neelix, please don't tell me that's dinner," Tom muttered.

"Looks can be deceiving, it's delicious," Neelix said.

"Whatever, I have no rations," B'Elanna said. She picked up a plate and sat down at a table. Tom and Harry did the same. Seven Of Nine walked in and also took a plate. She walked over to Tuvok's table.

"May I join you, Commander?" she asked.

"Of course," Tuvok replied.

Two alien ships headed towards Voyager undetected.

Two hours later, the Bridge:
Harry stood at his console, staring blankly at it. Tom walked into the bridge with a cup in his hands. Tuvok followed him in.

"Penny for the guy?" Tom asked.

"Huh? I thought that was what people said on Halloween," Marill's voice said.

"But he thinks he's a beggar, I need him to say something," Firera's voice said.

"What about saying penny for a helpless young man," Marill's voice said.

"Oh god! I thought you were going to say Old Man!" Firera's voice exclaimed. They both shuddered.

"Anyone have any spare change?" Tom asked. He walked over to Tuvok's console. "Sir?"

"I'll give you something even better, what about a mind meld?" Tuvok asked.

"Maybe later," Tom replied and he walked over to Harry's console. "Any spare change sir?"

"QUIET! The voices coming from the console are telling me something," Harry yelled.

"Never mind sir," Tom said and he walked up to the ready room. He walked in after ringing the door chime. "Any spare change, ma'am?"

"GET OUT, YOU'RE FIRED!!" Kathryn's voice was heard from Deck 15.

"But I only wanted some spare change," Tom said quietly. He started to walk out but he bumped into Chakotay.

"Are you starting, huh Tom?" Chakotay said angrily.

"No, sir. Any spare change?" Tom replied.

"NO!" Chakotay yelled.

"WOULD YOU BOTH GET OUT!" Kathryn yelled.

"Ohno, I'm hearing the voices again!" Harry said.

"ARE YOU STARTING, CAPTAIN KATHY!" Chakotay yelled. Tom slipped out of the room.

"GET OUT! YOU'RE FIRED!" Kathryn yelled and she threw her computer at him. He ducked and the computer smashed off the wall.

"Oooh! Captain Kate wants to play dirty," Chakotay muttered.

Ten minutes later, Sickbay:
"What on Earth were you doing?" the Doctor asked. Kathryn was sitting on the bio bed with several cuts on her arms and face. Chakotay was sitting on the other bio bed with a lot of cuts.

"SHUT UP HOLOGRAM OR I'LL DELETE YOU!" Kathryn yelled. Chakotay started fiddling with the medical equipment. He picked up a laser scalpel.

"Hmm! This would be fun to use!" Chakotay muttered. The Doctor snatched it off him.

"This is not a toy!" the Doctor said.

"It is, I was just going to give this to Kiara," Chakotay said.

"A baby with a laser scalpel, are you insane?" the Doctor said.

"No, she'll have a lot of fun with it," Chakotay said.

"What are you trying to do, kill her?" the Doctor said.

"No, it's just fun to use dangerous things," Chakotay replied. The Doctor picked up a tricorder.

"Just one more scan?" the Doctor asked.

"Why?" Chakotay asked. Kathryn slipped out of Sickbay.

"Because I think something is wrong with you," the Doctor replied.

"I've never felt better! See ya later!" Chakotay said as he knocked the tricorder out of the Doctor's hand. He stole the laser scalpel and strode out of Sickbay.

"Sickbay to Anderson," the Doctor said.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"The Captain & Chakotay is also showing strange behaviour, I want you to come to Sickbay and look out for more strange behaviour," the Doctor said.

"All right, Doctor, do you think there's some sort of virus on Voyager?"

"I never jump to conclusions but it is possible," the Doctor said.

"Do you think it's the same aliens who were experimenting on us a week ago?"

"No, this is different," the Doctor replied.

Chief Medical Officer's Log Supplemental: After scanning several crewmembers I've determined that many members of the crew have been infected with a virus but the big mystery is how they got infected in the first place.

"What do all the crewmembers have in common with each other?" the Doctor asked.

"They have friends, I don't have friends and I'm not infected," Craig said.

"Craig, that maybe so but that can not be the reason why most of the crew has been infected by this virus," the Doctor.

"It was only a joke, Doc. Seriously, it could be something they ate or drank, or maybe a certain crewmember left the ship and then..."

"No, Craig, no one has left the ship in weeks, but you could be right about the ate or drank part. It's worth considering," the Doctor said.

"Maybe Neelix's food has taken it's toll at last...wait, Neelix's food. Doc, some aliens traded some new recipe to Neelix for free, that could be what's infecting people with the virus," Craig said.

"And you didn't eat it?" the Doctor said.

"No, I used the replicator," Craig said.

"I think we should take a look at Neelix's new recipe," the Doctor said.

Meanwhile in Engineering:
Tom wandered into the room, still holding his cup. He saw B'Elanna so he walked up to her. "Any spare change?" he asked.

"I'm sorry Tom, I don't have any money," B'Elanna said sweetly.

"B'Elanna you're acting a little different than usual," Tom said.

"So are you darling, I'm afraid I'm a little busy at the moment, maybe we could meet up again in the Mess Hall for a cup of sweet tea," B'Elanna said.

"No thanks, see you later," Tom said and he quickly walked out of the room.

The Bridge:
"Lieutenant, the console is telling me that an alien spaceship is heading our way," Harry said. "Oh and it just told me that you're a jerk."

"Good work Harry, you deserve a mind meld for that," Tuvok said.

"No thanks sir, the console doesn't want it neither," Harry said. The viewscreen came on and showed the two alien ships.

"The console's telling me to drop shields, so I will," Harry said.

"No, Harry, naughty! You deserve a mind meld for that!" Tuvok yelled.

"Too late sir, only two people have beamed aboard since I put the shields up so quickly," Harry said.

"Where are they?" Tuvok asked.

"On Deck Thirteen," Harry said.

"Seven Of Nine to the Bridge. Hi Tuvie! Do you wanna play catch in a corridor oh by the way Harry I luv ya! Seven out!"

"The console's telling me that she's on Deck Seven and that I can't go out with Seven coz the console luvs me," Harry muttered.

"Beam her to Deck Thirteen, she can play catch with our intruders," Tuvok said.

"Er... two more people have appeared on Deck Thirteen, the console says. It's the writers again," Harry said.

"Ohno! I'll have to give them a mind meld," Tuvok said.

Deck Thirteen:
"Firera, what are we doing here?" Marill asked.

"Something's not right, the boss type guy should have beamed his whole army aboard. Instead he's only beamed two people, what's the deal?" Firera replied.

"All right then, lets prepare Voyager for trouble," Marill said.

"While they're at it, make it double," Firera said.

"To protect Voyager from devastation," Marill said.

"To protect the crew from evil nations," Firera said.

"Hello, are you the writers? Do you wanna play chase?" Seven said.

"Oh god! Who beamed her here?" Firera exclaimed.

"Oh god! Maybe we should prepare for trouble! RUN!" Marill yelled. They both shot off, Seven started running after them giggling.

"This is definitely the stuff," the Doctor said.

"So how do we cure the crew?" Craig asked.

"Same as usual, just stay out of the way," the Doctor replied. He started working on the disgusting food.

Meanwhile in the Mess Hall:
Tuvok walked into the Mess Hall. He bumped into Chakotay.

"Are you starting Vulcan?" Chakotay said angrily.

"Get out of my way or I'll do a mind meld on you," Tuvok said.

"Oooh, tough guy huh! I know what to do with tough guys," Chakotay said. B'Elanna walked up to them.

"Break it up now Gentlemen. Fighting is wrong," she said softly.

"You would know, miss Turtle Head," Chakotay said.

"Don't call people names, Commander," B'Elanna said. Tom walked up.

"Any spare change?" he asked.

"NO YOU DIMWIT!" Chakotay yelled.

Meanwhile on Deck Thirteen:
"That Borg should keep those two meddling girls from ruining our plans, isn't that right Fluffly Rabbit," Damien said as he stroked his new fluffy rabbit.

"I remember when cuddly rabbits first came out in shops. It was a sunny day and I was planning on going for a walk, which was the style at the time. Anyway I put on my boots, which in those days were called big shoes, anyway..." the Old Man blabbered on.

"Be quiet," Damien said as he continued to stroke the rabbit.

Meanwhile in Sickbay:
"Doc, I'd better get to Deck 13, there's intruders," Craig said.

"All right, I'm coming close to a cure," the Doctor said. Craig ran out of Sickbay.

Back to Deck Thirteen:
"Lets get to work, I've lowered the temperature throughout the ship. Old Man, you go and torment everyone on the ship while the rabbits head to Engineering! Bwahahahahaha! I'll destroy those two girls personally," Damien laughed. Suddenly the Turbolift doors opened but the lift was still moving down. "Something's wrong," Damien said.

"In my day, we didn't have lifts, we used stairs, which in those days were called climbers..." the Old Man blabbered on.

"SHUT UP!" Damien yelled. As the lift moved slowly moved down, Damien could see the two girls in the lift trying to catch their breath. The Team Rocket music came on again.

"Prepare yourself for trouble, kid!" Marill said breathlessly.

"And make it doubler than you ever did," Firera said just as breathlessly.

"To protect Voyager from devastation," Marill said breathlessly.

"To protect the crew from evil nations," Firera said breathlessly. The turbolift finally stopped.

"To announce the evils or rabbits and love," Marill said breathlessly.

"!" Firera said breathlessly.

"Marill!" Marill said angrily and breathlessly.

"Firera," Firera groaned. Suddenly the two felt the temperature drop and they both screeched. They started hugging themselves to keep warm.

"Fifth Voyager blasts off at warp speed!" Marill said quickly with a shaky voice.

"Surrender to us now or prepare to...." Firera said quickly with a shaky voice then she sneezed. Raichu appeared.

"Raichu that's right! Aaagh! It's freezing in here!" Raichu yelled and she disappeared again.

"Damien, what are you doing here?" Marill yelled with a shaky voice.

"Yeah! This is my story!" Firera yelled with an even shakier voice.

"Exactly, and you can't stop me this time!" Damien said.

"And why do you think that?" Marill said angrily with her shaky voice.

"Because I have the advantage. Slowly but surely the crew of Voyager will die with the torment of freezing temperatures and Old Man stories and you will die at the hands of the rabbits when they take over Voyager and they take over the universe! Bwahahahahaha! You can try and stop me but it won't help you because I'm the Ultimate Pokémon, Mewtwo," Damien laughed evilly.

"Ultimate my a**!" Firera exclaimed.

"No swearing Fire. I know a way to take care of him. Pokémon battle," Marill said as she pulled out a Pokéball. She threw it into the air. "Marill, go!" The Pokéball opened and a cute blue mouse appeared.

"Marill, mar, marill!" it sqeaked.

"Ha, you think that little measle can destroy the ultimate Pokémon," Damien said.

"You're no Pokémon, Marill Bubblebeam attack!" Marill yelled. Marill jumped up into the air and fired a blue beam at Damien. Afterwards he was just wet.

"Nice try, Marill, maybe this will shock them," Firera said as she pulled her Pokéball out. She threw it into the ir. "Pikachu go!" The Pokéball opened and a cute yellow mouse appeared.

"Pika, pika-chu!" it squeaked.

"Oooh another Pikachu to put in my new stew," Damien said.

"I'll show you! Pikachu Thunderbolt!" Firera yelled. Pikachu jumped into the air and it started to glow. A lightning bolt hit the Old Man instead of Damien. The Old Man fell to the ground.

"I think we need to warm this battle up, Charizard go!" Marill yelled as she threw another Pokéball into the air. A orange dragon appeared. It saw Marill and a ball of fire emerged from it's mouth and it hit her. "That's better, it's lovely and warm now" Marill said.

"Go Arbok!" Firera yelled as she threw another Pokéball into the air. A large Cobra appeared.

"Chaaar-boka!" it hissed. Craig ran towards the battle area.

"What's going on here?" he asked. He started staring at Firera again.

"Oh god no! Arbok use your Poison Sting on Damien," Firera ordered. It fired some poison needles from it's mouth and they all hit Damien. He cried in pain and he fell to the ground. He suddenly disappeared with the Old Man. Suddenly the temperature rose again. "Oh for crying out loud, Craig, stop staring at me!"

"Oh sorry, do you want to go out somewhere tonight?" Craig asked.

"I'd rather go through a Poison Sting Attack from Arbok," Firera said.

"Oh well, we've done our job, let's go," Marill said.

"Yeah," Firera said.

"TEAM FIFTH VOYAGER IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" they both yelled and they disappeared.

"Sickbay to Craig," 

"Yeah, Doc," Craig replied.

"I've found a cure, I'll need your help to contribute it to the crew."

"Yes, Doctor, I'm on my way," Craig said.

Captain's Log Stardate 50 something something point zero: The Doctor & Lieutenant Anderson have distributed the cure for the mental illness to the whole crew luckily there are no permanent side affects unfortunately the crew don't feel the same way.

"Neelix I'm not tasting anymore of your new recipe's after what happened the last time," Tom said.

"Yeah you don't want to turn into a beggar again," Harry said.

"At least I didn't think the console was talking to me," Tom said.

"Now, boys, don't be silly," B'Elanna said.

"That's rich coming from Miss Perfect," Tom said.

"What's that suppose to mean?" B'Elanna asked.

"Never mind," Tom said.

"Why don't you try some of my new Leola Root Curry," Neelix said.

"We'll just use the replicator," they all said in unison.


****THE END****

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