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They thought they were free from Buck and his antics, but Harry and Craig were dead wrong.
This episode was released years ago as part of the site's revival in 2013.
Originally written for Season Three and a sequel to Secret of the Revenge, Escape From The Curse parodies one of my favourite game series of all time; Monkey Island. I have tried to write it so even non fans can read it and hopefully understand the jokes. If you're not sure what MI even is, imagine Pirates of the Caribbean as a point and click puzzle game.
May, July & August 2012
16th - 18th February 2003
4th, 29th - 31st March 2003
Harry Kim's personal log: we're once again back to parodying Monkey Island even though I did bribe the writer with Cherry Coke. Doing that must have made her mood even worse, but anyway. Our shuttle has been travelling for days now, we have no idea where we are going but we had no idea where we were going to start with.
Morgan's personal log: I am really close to punching Harry in the face. He is really starting to get on my nerves. Everytime he says we're going to get attacked, we do. Why can't he say something like 'we are going to find our way back' or 'the episode has been cancelled'? Useless I tell ya, he's useless.
Tani's personal log, this is my first one so I have no idea what to do. I guess I could rant on about how small this shuttle is. I mean this shuttle is used for long missions so why doesn't it have bedrooms? I'm so sick of having to sleep on the floor, and it's really embarrassing to do other things too. Wait, how personal is this log?
Craig Anderson's personal log, everyone else is doing logs so I may as well too. I'm so sick of these parodies, if this is a Monkey Island parody why I haven't got my Elaine yet? All I got was a joke love scene with Tani, and she's still mad that Harry and I weren't hot enough to rescue her. I wonder if I...
The shuttle shook madly as lots of phaser fire hit them. "Damn it, why couldn't I finish my log!" Craig yelled.
"Oh please, it was the most boring of the lot," Tani groaned. "Oh and FYI, rescuing me puts you two boys on my hot list."
Craig's eyes widened, he glanced back at her just in time to see her wink at him.
Morgan, who was unfortunate enough to be sitting next to her at the back of the shuttle, shriveled her nose in disgust.
aboard the attacking ship:
"Fire!" Buck yelled.
The minions behind him shrugged as the ex drone pressed the fire button himself.
Buck then fiddled with the comm panel. "Voyager shuttle, I demand you let me talk to my dear Morgan, now!"
"Wow he's polite. He's still a better catch than Craig though, go for it," Harry commented.
Morgan narrowed her eyes just as she stood behind him and Craig.
Craig reached over Harry's unconscious form to press a button to open a channel.
"How many times do I have to tell you Buck, you give me the creeps, so hell no!" Morgan snapped.
"So, you'll learn to love me. Beam over here and I'll make you an immortal Tolg like myself."
"I can't believe it, I'm so sorry, I'm staring at a wall tonight," Morgan said sarcastically. She pressed the fire button.
"Forget your wall woman, can't you see... ahem, hear that this poor old ex Tolg pines for your very gentle caress."
The shuttle shook again. "You know I don't think my dad would approve of me dating a dead guy," Morgan grunted, she pressed fire again. "You're probably a too nice a ballet dancer for me anyway." Once again she fired. "Let's just be friends instead." Yep you guessed it, she fired again.
"Aaaaarrrgghh, son of a..."
The shuttle shook again.
"There is something called evasive maneuvers, use em!" Harry yelled at Craig.
"Oh you're awake," Craig sighed. "We were evading fine while you lay on the helm controls."
Harry looked down at his station, "oh."
"Let's face it Buck, you're a weird, disgusting, annoying, tutu obsessed, dead little man, and that's not what I'm looking for in a relationship right... well ever," Morgan grumbled.
"You can tell this isn't her first time," Harry whispered, gesturing at Craig. He scowled at him while Tani giggled.
"Damn your riddles you stupid female, what do you mean?"
"Let's see. One, you're dead, which gives me the heebies. Two, the tutu. Three, you keep kidnapping my best friend. Four, you want to kill my other best friend. Five, the tutu," Morgan rambled.
"Aaaw, best friend," Craig sighed.
"Keep your eye on the shields, Craig!" Morgan snapped.
"Oops," Craig muttered.
Both he and Tani disappeared in a transporter beam. The others stared blankly at where they had disappeared.
"Hey, what's going on?" Harry asked.
Morgan slapped her own face with her hand, "he kidnapped Tani instead of me again, why?"
"I wouldn't complain," Harry muttered.
"Aaah, Craig Anderson, Morgan my dearest. I don't know why you and my woman are always in teams together, but this is the last time," Buck said.
"Thank god he's not wearing that tutu again," Tani whispered. Craig nodded in agreement.
Buck turned to his ex Tolg minions. "Throw them in with our volunteer, he'll keep an eye on them until I feel up to killing them." Some of the minions took Craig and Tani away. "Now, prepare the voodoo torpedo."
"The what?" everyone asked.
"I made it up, duh! Get it invented now!" Buck yelled. Everyone groaned, they all went on their merry way.
PART 1: The Ship of Weeps
Tani and Craig were pushed into a weapons room. A guy was manning a phaser array.
"We have to get off this ship," Tani whispered.
Craig looked around, "what kind of idiot would put their prisoners in here?" He shuddered at the memory of the tutu. "Never mind. All we have to do is overpower the guards and use their transporters."
The phaser guy turned around, "quit planning to escape, you're ruining my concentration."
"Wait, you're that ship salesman. What are you doing here?" Craig asked.
"Ohno, hello Mr Anderson," the man muttered.
"How on earth did you get on this ship? The last time I saw you was on Scabbia," Craig asked.
"Well I was a bit teed off with that black haired guy for trying to shoot me, I wanted to get revenge," the salesman replied.
"Uh..." Craig muttered.
"Don't worry, no revenge on you Mr Anderson," the salesman said.
"Can you um, help us escape then?" Craig asked.
"Don't be stupid," the salesman replied. He pointed a gun at them.
"But... I thought you didn't hate us," Craig said.
"One more word and I'll blow your arses off!" the salesman yelled.
"You don't have the guts," Tani huffed.
"Oh I do," the salesman said. His hand started shaking.
"Really, go on then," Craig dared.
The salesman burst out crying, "you're right. I can't do it, I'm not a bad person."
"Uh, can you let us go then?" Craig asked.
"No, I hate you all!" the salesman cried. He went into the corner to cry more.
Craig sighed, "damn, and I thought this was supposed to be the easy tutorial puzzle."
shuttle, a little while later:
Morgan was once again arguing with Buck over the commlink. Harry decided now would be the best time to nurse the bump on his head.
"What do you mean love, I have my bride already. Oops, gotta go. Wedding present is ready."
"Hey, don't you dare hang up on me!" Morgan yelled at the computer.
"I thought you wanted to get rid of him," Harry said.
"It's a matter of principle," Morgan sighed.
"The voodoo torpedo is ready, sir," a minion said.
Buck smiled evilly. "Now with the voodoo torpedo I will blast my girl's friends into another dimension. That'll show how much I care."
"Um, yes sir," the minion muttered. The others shrugged their shoulders.
There was a huge explosion nearby which caused the ship to shake violently. "My god that was a close one," Buck said.
"Sir the explosion has set off the torpedo but it hasn't been ejected. Do you know what this means?" a minion panicked.
"Uh... no," Buck replied.
"Yeesh, maybe I should be the main villain in these episodes," another minion muttered.
"It means we're going to die, again," the first minion said.
"Oh," Buck muttered.
The ship then exploded, a huge shockwave knocked the shuttle and it went flying. Of course it hurtled towards a nearby planet that wasn't there before. Debris and a few escape pods seemed to follow them.
Morgan and Harry were standing on a beach, staring at what was left of the shuttle. It then decided to sink into the sea.
The pair looked sadly ahead of them.
"Craig, Tani," Morgan quietly said.
"My phaser recharger," Harry whispered. Morgan gave him a deserved elbow in the ribs.
"They should be ok. The good guys don't die in the Monkey Island games," Morgan sighed.
Harry pulled a face, "why do I get the feeling that was an irony joke."
Tani tried her best not to cry, she squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh Craig, of course I won't let go."
Holding onto her hands was poor Craig, hanging off what looked like an escape pod sticking out of the water. Tani lay on the top of it.
"You'd better not, there's plenty of room on that thing!" he stuttered.
Tani casually shrugged despite holding onto Craig's full weight, "I thought we were having a moment, but whatever."
"Not a very original one, now help me up, please!" Craig yelled at her.
After a few bad attempts, Tani helped him up on top of the pod with her. He had enough room to sit and stretch his legs while Tani went back to lying down.
"When I asked for more romance scenes, I didn't mean joke ones with you," Craig commented to himself.
Tani huffed to herself, "well I'm the Elaine of the parodies, get used to it."
Craig shook his head desperately, "no, Morgan is the one Buck wants. He just, for some reason, keeps getting mixed up with you."
"Which makes me Elaine, yeesh," Tani grumbled. She sat back up, "now pucker up Craigbrush."
Craig's eyes widened, he had enough room to back off a bit. "No, they never kiss in any of the games!"
"Then why are you so desperate for Elaine scenes with Morgan?" Tani grumbled.
A familiar voice cleared her throat. The pair slowly looked to the side, noticing Morgan and Harry standing only a few metres away on the beach.
"Um, well... this is awkward," Craig mumbled.
"No, funny," Harry commented.
The pair quickly climbed off the pod to join the others on the beach.
"So, would someone kindly explain what happened?" Morgan asked.
"Nothing, she just keeps making comments," Craig stuttered.
Harry and Morgan both laughed behind their hands. Morgan lowered hers, "I mean Buck's ship."
"Oh," Craig turned bright red. "After we made the guard cry, we rigged the firing mechanism he was controlling. We ran for the escape pod, knowing he'd probably go back to firing it eventually."
"Buck imprisoned you in a weapons room? I hope the rest of the game is as easy as that," Harry commented.
Tani raised an eyebrow, "what game? Buck's gone, I'm still with you guys. All we have to do is wait for Voyager to find us."
Harry shook his head, "as if. Did you guys pick up any items, just in case?"
"Yeah, Harry's only got a few shots in him this episode," Morgan added on.
Craig pulled a face while he rummaged through his pockets. First out was a packet of red balloons. Second was a small blue box. Everyone gathered around as he went to open it. Inside it was a huge diamond ring.
"Somehow I think that thing will be unused, in our inventory for the whole game," Morgan muttered, not impressed.
Harry cringed, "would you stop saying stuff like that. It's like tempting fate!"
"Maybe I should have looked at what I was picking up," Craig cringed. "I was in a hurry..."
Tani grabbed the box off of him, "thanks Guycraig, you shouldn't have." The others stared blankly at her as she tried to put the ring on her hand. Eventually she found a finger that fit.
The blank stares turned into looks of despair as Tani's whole body changed into gold.
"Yes Craig, you shouldn't have!" Harry groaned.
All Craig could do was slump his shoulders in defeat.
PART 2: The Puzzles Get Worse
Harry, Craig and Morgan walked aimlessly around, looking for any sign of life. Even though it was daytime, the only town on the island was dead.
They eventually reached a small swamp, with a wrecked shuttle sitting in the middle of it.
"Are we sure we're still in the parodies? No items to pick up, nobody to talk to," Morgan questioned.
"You mean nobody for Harry to shoot," Craig muttered.
Harry decided to ignore him, "I don't know which is worse." Something hard hit him on the head, then bounced back into the air. "What the hell was that?"
The group looked up and they saw a skull lying trapped in a tree branch. "Gross!" Morgan complained.
"Who are you calling gross, puny mortal!" the skull yelled.
"Ok, this doesn't make any sense," Harry muttered.
"Yeah, how can that thing talk without... well, anything?" Craig asked.
"I dunno, you seem to be doing ok without a brain," the skull replied.
Harry rubbed the second lump on his head, "who are you, and where did you come from?"
"I am Murray an evil demonic guy, well skull. Ahem, your foe for this episode," the skull replied.
"Really, that's nice," Harry muttered.
"Please don't tell me you're the only liv... thing here," Morgan said.
"Some useless old woman lives in that old shuttle. She kept bugging our crew with dolls, and dead chickens," Murray replied.
"Great, why does that sound familiar?" Harry asked.
"It does?" Tani questioned.
"Oh right," Tani muttered.
"Ah ha! Once again I am not useless!" the voodoo lady yelled.
"Yeah but if you think about it, we don't actually need you. In the game talking to you triggers everything, but that's all part of computer programming. We once again, just steal from you," Harry said.
"No, I can be useful, I can help cure Tani," the voodoo lady said.
"Ok great, then I assume as soon as we rescue her, something else will happen to her," Harry groaned.
"What do you mean?" the voodoo lady asked.
"Well in the first parody she got kidnapped by Buck, in the second parody she was taken to Malain's own personal theme park. What's in store for the third and fourth?" Harry replied.
"And fifth," Craig meekly said.
Harry glared at him, "shhhh! This is the last episode, the last!"
"I'm afraid I cannot tell you," the voodoo lady said.
"Ok, seeya," Harry said. He turned to leave but the others didn't.
"Wait Harry, the sooner we found out what to do, the sooner we can move onto a different episode," Craig explained.
Harry sighed, "fine. How do we cure her."
"It's really very simple," the voodoo lady explained. The away team glared at her, clearly not buying it. "You only have to worry about her being stolen. Where did you hide her?"
The awayteam stared at each other.
The trio now stood on the beach, watching an old sailing ship sail away. Once it went out of sight around the island, Craig finally said, "shoot.
"Now you tell me," Harry muttered.
"Ah ha, back for more, ey?" the voodoo lady cackled.
"I will choke her," Morgan grumbled.
Craig quickly put his hand out in front of her, calming her down instantly. "Maybe you could help get that skull down."
"Yeah, down," Morgan giggled, she ran out.
Harry frowned at his teammate, "what did you give her?" He then noticed his phaser pocket was empty. "Ugh, you fool. How else are we going to solve the puzzles!?"
"Ahem!" the voodoo lady cleared her throat. "Unless your phaser is made of gold, it will not help you."
Harry scoffed, "yeah sure, like getting what we need is the only thing we need to pick up. Next time Craigs carrying the dog."
Craig smirked slightly, "if it wasnt for me, you wouldnt have needed it." Harry just growled at him. "Oh hey, at least you didnt wear pink."
"Helloooooo!" the voodoo lady yelled.
"Oh right, thats the same as carrying around a ten stone dog," Harry muttered.
"You wanted to take it with you," Craig said.
"No, I wanted to shoot it. I thought it was a puzzle rehash of the first games mansion dogs," Harry complained.
Outside they heard a phaser shot, followed by a splash. "Puny human, you will pay for your insolence. Bow before me!" the skulls voice snapped. "Mwaheheheheheheheh." They heard another splash, which was much louder than the last one.
"Do you want to know the solution or not?" the voodoo lady snapped.
"Why would it be, it was sleeping before you got there," Craig groaned.
"Why else was there a dog outside a mansion?" Harry snapped. "You asked me to collect everything!"
"Will you two stop your bickering before Tani is made into a gold ring herself!" the voodoo lady snapped.
The two stared at her. "Gold ring, you say?" Harry said.
"With a large diamond; just like the one that cursed her. Its what Ive been trying to tell you for five minutes," the voodoo lady said.
"Ok, ok. Is it on this island? How many puzzles and items do we need?" Harry said flatly.
"No," the voodoo lady replied. The boys groaned. "And a lot. Youll need to charter a ship, find a crew who can run it, and get Tani back. Oh and find a map."
Harry looked like he was going to cry. "Im going to go get my phaser back." He walked out, sulking.
"You didnt mention the millions of things wed have to do once we got to said island," Craig said. "Right?"
"Right. We dont want him shooting himself with it, do we," the voodoo lady answered with a sly smile.
"Ok, give me the scoop. What island?" Craig asked.
Outside Harry was standing around, sulking with his arms folded. Morgan stood next to him, every few seconds waving his phaser in his face.
Craig stepped out of the hut looking a little deflated. "Well, I think to save us time and sanity, we divide up the tasks."
"Craig, Craig. Dont you know the game by now? One person cant take on one of the tasks, cos they always mix up the items you need for the puzzles," Harry grumbled.
"All right, well meet up every half hour and exchange stuff," Craig sighed. "We do have four things to do, so maybe well just worry about the ship until after, huh?"
"Do we really need to hire some idiots to pilot the ship? It cant be harder than a shuttle, and its not like sailing ships can crash into other planets," Harry said.
Morgan groaned, "god, you two need to lighten up."
"Hey, you were barely in the first game. Wait till youve got two games on your belt, then well see whos happy," Harry said.
"I dont wear belts," Morgan said. "Its not as bad as you think. We just take over the ship that nicked her in the first place. Thats three problems in one."
"I like the way she thinks," Harry said.
"Ok. You look for the map," Craig said.
Harry sighed, "youre just lumbering me with the map so you can be alone with her."
"Nah, maps usually need to be bought or stolen. This is a job for the phaser," Craig said. Morgan waved the phaser in front of her, Harry pointed at her. "He should have it. Well need someone strong enough to carry Tani, if shes been sold or something."
Morgan rolled her eyes, "god, fine!" She threw the phaser at Harry, it smacked him in the nose. He fell butt first into the swamp, nursing what was left of it. "If shes on the ship, can I at least beat up the crew?"
"Someone should," Craig replied.
"Good. What are you going to do?" Morgan asked.
"Just in case, item collecting for when you guys get stuck. Harry just shoots everything," Craig replied.
"So the easy stuff, typical," Morgan huffed. She headed off the screen, or out of the swamp, kicking water.
Harry climbed up, pinching his nose to stop the bleeding. "Shes never played these games, has she?" he nasally said. He walked off too.
With a plaster on his nose, Harry Kim arrived at the beach. Lucky for his sore nose, he was in the shaded area. Nearby there was a man standing behind a little hotdog stall.
"Map?" Harry asked him flatly.
"Uh no. There is a guy on the beach with a tattoo though," the man replied.
Harry shook his head. Without another word he headed for the less shaded part. Before he reached the wooden fenced gate leading to it, the man rushed in front of him.
"No, members only!"
Harry reached for his phaser.
"If you had a card, Id let you in."
He clutched the phaser in his hands.
"Even if it had the wrong name on it."
His finger hovered over the fire button.
"Its a really easy puzzle, honest," the man stuttered.
"Do I have to do anything else to get the map?" Harry asked.
The man sighed in relief. "No," he lied.
"Great, so can I sign up?"
"No," the man replied.
Harrys eyes narrowed. "If you tell me I cant get this item unless Im working on the statue, ship or crew puzzles, Ill put this on the painful tickle mode first and work my way up."
The man swallowed the lump in his throat.
Morgan stood around the edge of the woods, doing the Janeway trademark hands on hips. "Oh come on. I can see the ship on the island map. Why cant I go there?" She tried to work her way through the trees, but the huge branches pushed her back. "Ugh, I need something sharp. I hope Craig hasnt gotten it first."
Craig strolled into what looked like a hairdressers. The four men inside stopped what they were doing to stare at him briefly.
"Maybe I should item collect first," he said to himself. The first thing to catch his eye was the huge pair of scissors imbedded in the ceiling. "Hmm."
One hour later Craig, sporting a really bad bowl cut, walked out holding the scissors. "Besides my wrists, what am I supposed to cut?" he wondered.
He wandered the town until he reached what looked like a KFC drive through. Nearby it was what looked like a path, cluttered up with weeds and branches. He looked at the scissors, then back at the path. "Nah, cant be that easy."
Another hour later, the path was clear. Nursing an awful cramp in his hand, Craig decided to have a look down the path.
He reached a clearing on top of a hill. In the distance he could see the ship that kidnapped Tani. "This isnt even a challenge," he commented. Just as he said that he spotted a card lying on the ground. Once he picked it up a shadow cast over him.
"Beach Club Membership," he read. With a smile he pocketed it. Next thing he knew the shadows owner leapt out of the trees, gunning right for him. Everything turned black. "Damn."
Harry strolled into the shop with the KFC sign on it. A short alien man sporting a huge moustache skipped in from the kitchen.
"Do ya have a reservation?"
"Why yes, yes I do," Harry slyly said, reaching for his phaser.
The man snatched it from him before he could fully raise it. "Why thank ya, I've been fancying a sweet treat for a while." Harry looked horrified as the strange man tried to eat it.
"Um..." Harry cringed as he heard a nasty crack.
The man threw the phaser over his shoulder, then began to nurse what looked like a cracked gold tooth. "So, do ya have a reservation?"
Harry walked out of the KFC with a scowl on his face, and his eyes narrowed. "Oh, it's on."
He then noticed the new path Craig had made earlier, only then he heard a familiar whimpering sound.
Meanwhile Morgan and one of the hairdressers were standing on a small green field. Both of them stood next to a huge bit of wood. The man grunted as he tried to lift it, then push it down the field.
"Now then lassy, care to quit now and spare..." he gloated. His eyes widened as Morgan lifted hers up into the air.
Harry stood, barely containing his laughter, in front of a giant green snake. It seemed satisfied despite its middle section being oddly Craig shaped.
"What are you waiting for, shoot it or something!" Craig's muffled voice stuttered.
"I'd love to, but..." Harry smirked, then he remembered he wasn't much better off. "My phaser was eaten."
"You know, I'd believe anything right now," Craig mumbled.
Harry sighed, "all right. We just got to find a way to make it spit you out."
"I don't like where this is going," Craig muttered.
"Ugh, we wouldn't be in this mess at all if it wasn't for you, and that ring. Now, hurry up and solve that snake puzzle, I need that beach club membership," Harry grunted at him.
"I thought you were going to help me," Craig whined.
Harry shrugged, "I only had one item in my inventory, you're on your own." He walked off.
Craig sighed to himself, the snake did the same. It decided to munch on something in the bushes nearby.
Suddenly a huge chunk of wood fell out of the sky and walloped the unfortunate snake on the head. It did not look very well afterwards.
"My god, I've never seen such strength!" the hairdresser bellowed. "That must have been that rubber tree, ey lassie. You're a clever girl."
Morgan looked at him with a frown on her face. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, in twenty minutes."
The hairdresser's eyes managed to widen further.
"Now, remind me why we had to do that puzzle again," Morgan said.
"To get me to join your crew," the hairdresser replied.
Morgan stared blankly at him for a minute, then stamped her foot. "Why didn't you tell me that before? God!" She stormed off. "Waste of bloody time," she muttered.
Harry marched back to where Craig and the snake was, muttering angrily to himself. "Ok, I went everywhere and all I got for my trouble was a bottomless cup of nothingade." He shook his fist, "when I get my phaser back."
He then realised he was only talking to the snake, which looked a lot paler and had a huge bump on its head.
"Ohno, Craig," Harry stuttered. He glared at the snake. "How could you! I needed that beach club card!"
The snake replied with a sickly burp, which made it spit out a card. Harry grimaced at first but took it anyway.
"That's better," he said, ignoring the slime on it. His fuse ran out as he read it, it wasn't his beach club membership.
the other side of the island:
The sailing ship was floating right near the cold shadowed beach. Craig was walking along it, kicking sand angrily as he did. "It's always my fault, it's never his fault. I'm the only one playing the games properly," he grumbled. "What do I get for my trouble? Shot, made to wear a dress, eaten and barfed up by a snake. Screw this."
He looked up and he saw the ship. Right away he spotted a plank hanging off the side of the ship.
"I remember this. I have to get rid of the plank, can't remember why but I have to do that," Craig said to himself. He pulled out his own phaser, that for some odd reason he didn't mention having before. He aimed it at the plank, it fired.
A small scream made him jump, a monkey like creature fell off the side and went into the water. "Ooops," Craig muttered. He fired again, this time he got the plank and it fell into the water. Then he climbed up into the ship.
The deck was empty, but he heard voices coming from behind one of the doors. He went to hide but the door opened to reveal a weird looking guy.
"Hey, who are you?" the guy asked.
"Craig, I'm just here to steal your ship," Craig replied.
"Really? There's only one of you," the guy said.
"There's only one of you as well," Craig said.
"Well I'd better ask my captain what should be done with you," the guy said. He looked behind him, and turned back. "How do you know the plank was destroyed sir, you're all the way in there? Oh well, there's only one punishment, tar and feathers," the guy said.
"Um, does it hurt?" Craig asked.
"No not really," the guy replied.
The KFC owner skipped out of the kitchen, exactly the same way as he did before. "Do ya have a reservation?"
Harry stood at the doorway, smiling deviously.
Morgan walked into a large building, which turned out to be a theatre. She didn't notice this until she strolled onto the stage.
On the stage was some really fat guy, and an even fatter guy with a beard in a pink dress.
The traumatised girl quickly turned back around, when she did she tripped over some prop. She saw something gold underneath it. "Well that was easy."
Halfway out the door Morgan bumped into somebody. "Uhoh." She dropped the statue, "I was just moving it, really."
To her shock the guy she bumped into was covered in feathers. He just shrugged and got out of the way.
"Oookay. This is some weird ass play, that's for sure," Morgan muttered to herself, as she dragged the Tani statue outside.
"Phew," Craig's voice sighed in relief.
Meanwhile Harry picked up his phaser, and a few other things off the shelf nearby. Only then he noticed the only table in the restaurant was taken by a skeleton, sitting in front of an incredibly fried looking chicken.
He shook his head and headed for the exit.
"Hold it!" the short man snapped.
Harry jumped, "what, really? Adventure games are all about the stealing, but fine." He handed a big cup over to the man.
"Nay, have you seen my gold tooth?" the man said.
Harry stared blankly at the man, who's gold tooth did look smaller than before. He glanced briefly at the phaser, which now was the proud owner of the rest of the tooth.
"Did you try to eat this, again?"
"I was hungry."
Harry looked back at the fried chicken, then the pile of biscuits nearby that shared the basket with something wriggly. "I can't think how."
"I know," the man laughed. "Now give it here."
Harry sighed, he tried to pull the tooth out but with no luck. "Which asshole decided to play this game in Hard Mode?" The man snatched the phaser back.
Just then Feathered Craig wandered in, followed by an awkward silence.
"Oh my god, it's a giant chicken!" the man screeched.
"Uh..." Craig muttered.
The guy dropped the phaser and pulled out a big pan. He smacked him over the head. Poor Craig landed in a large bucket that decided to be there, just for this scene. He just so happened to also drop the club card.
Harry used this distraction to snatch the phaser and the card, then run for it.
Craig woke up, still inside the bucket but with less of the feathers. He appeared to be inside the ship with the weird looking guy, and a big chimp thing.
"Ok, why would I end up here?" Craig asked himself.
"Yes Captain Chimp, I will take care of it now," the guy said.
"Hmm," Craig muttered. He cleared his throat. "Hey Captain, I see an iceberg."
The weird guy screamed, "we're doomed!" He ran out.
The chimp looked confused, it jumped out of the window nearby Craig. "We're not even moving. Oh well, at least I got a ship."
"No! You have a membership. No, I cannot let you in," the beach club guy stuttered.
Harry's eyes glanced to the right, eyeing the towels and bucket of water nearby.
Meanwhile Morgan had managed to get onto the beach. The only other occupant was a very pale alien man, lying on a towel.
"So er... you're not here to be recruited are you?" Morgan questioned.
The man sat up slightly, "nah babe. I'm just here for the sun."
"Babe?" Morgan's eye twitched.
The pair frowned at the sound of a man screaming. Morgan only looked over just in time to see the club guy running from Harry's phaser fire.
"Shocker," she muttered. "Ok, we got a ship, we got Tani... so er, got a map?"
"No babe. I've just got an awesome tat," the sunbather replied.
Morgan pulled a face, "where?"
"My back babe," he replied.
"Can I see it?" Morgan asked.
"Nah babe, I'm not turning over till I get a tan," babe guy replied.
Morgan narrowed her eyes, "firstly, why tell me about it and not show it. Secondly..." She raised her foot over his hand. "Call me babe again..."
Harry ran over, sweating and breathing heavily. "Good god, that beach is hot, even with these boots on." He then noticed Morgan. "How, how did you get here without a membership?"
Morgan looked confused, she pointed at a gate nearby leading to the path. Harry's face turned very red, his fists clenched.
"You really should stand in the shade," Morgan commented.
"Yeah babe, you're in my sun," babe guy complained in Harry's direction.
"Do you just call everyone that?" Morgan muttered.
"Call everyone what, babe?" babe guy replied.
Harry huffed to himself, "ok, after all that, what's the point of this place?"
"Do you know the way to Brood Island?" Morgan asked the sunbather.
"Nah babe, never heard of it," he answered.
"But that guy in the hairdressers said you did, and you even had a map. God!" Morgan complained.
"Just a tat, babe," babe guy said.
Inspiration struck Harry, "ah ha, can we see it?"
"No," Morgan and babe guy replied.
"He wants to get a tan on his front first," Morgan whined.
Harry got an idea, Morgan looked at him as if she knew, shaking her head.
"You know babes, I'm parched... you two should get me a drink," babe man said.
Harry and Morgan looked at each other.
PART 3: Part What, Babe?
Craig, Morgan and Harry stood on the deck of the ship, updating each other about what they'd been up to.
"So what did you do? Use the bottomless cup that kid ripped you off with, and pour a red drink on him?" Craig interrogated them. The pair were about to laugh when he laughed first. "Had you guys going, didn't I?"
Harry shrugged, "well to be fair, we did rock paper scissors to choose between the phaser, and kicking him."
"And?" Craig questioned.
A man groaned from the floor, "aaw babe. Why?"
"Kicking," Craig sighed.
Harry smiled at his phaser, "no, he just likes that word."
Morgan nodded her head, "ok, so now what?"
"Ok, we'll set out for Brood Island just as soon as the map turns around," Harry said.
"I ain't turning around for no one babe," the babe guy said.
"Now can I have my turn?" Morgan asked.
"I'll turn babe," the babe guy said. He turned around, everyone looked at the map.
"Ok we're stumped," Harry said.
"Huh, why?" Morgan asked.
"We don't know where we are to start with," Harry replied.
"We're there babe," the babe guy said as he pointed his finger at his back.
"Wow, he must know that map off by heart," Morgan said.
"Either that or he's just pointed at the wrong place cos he can't reach the right place," Craig said.
"No babe, I know this map like the back of my hand," the babe guy said.
"Ookay, can we give you a name. The babe guy is starting to get annoying," Harry said.
"Ok babe, call me Lukikiatarin," the babe guy said.
Everyone stared blankly at him. "How about we just call you Luki?" Morgan said.
"That's fine with me babe," Luki said.
"Ok would you stop calling her that," Craig said.
"Ok babe," Luki said.
"He calls everyone that," Harry said.
"Well I never," Craig muttered.
"Um who's driving the ship?" Morgan asked.
"Luki can, he knows the map better than we can understand it after all," Harry replied.
"Right babe," Luki said. He went over to the wheel.
"Oh Morgan, we're going to be travelling for a while, so I was just wondering..." Craig said.
"Is that another ship?" Harry asked.
"Wondering what?" Morgan asked.
"I was wondering if you er... want to hang out... later," Craig stuttered.
"Hey they're following us," Harry stuttered.
"We're already hanging out," Morgan said in confusion.
Craig looked nervous, "I mean without Harry."
"Crap, they're firing something at us!" Harry yelled. The ship shook a couple of times.
"Yeah ok," Morgan shrugged.
"They're boarding us, guys help me out here!" Harry yelled as some guys jumped onto the deck.
"We could make a new holodeck program," Craig said. "There's never anything good."
Some big bald guy came onto the deck, he pointed a sword at Harry's face. "Give me the map to Brood Island."
"No way," Harry defiantly said, whilst reaching for his phaser.
"What kind of holodeck program?" Morgan asked.
The attacker knocked the phaser out of his hands with the sword. "Would you rather have a sword in your eye?"
"Ok fine, that's the guy with the map," Harry stuttered as he pointed at Luki. He wandered over.
"What's up babe?" Luki asked.
"Anything you want," Craig replied to Morgan.
"You're the map?" the guy muttered.
"Yeah babe," Luki said.
"Ok you can keep him, see ya," the guy said. He rushed back onto his ship, the others followed. The ship sailed away.
"Ok, sounds good," Morgan said.
"That was sure weird," Harry muttered.
"No it wasn't babe. He's an old school mate of mine," Luki said.
"Ok so it's settled. Let's find out what Harry was yelling about," Craig said. He and Morgan turned to Craig and Luki. "What did we miss?"
Harry groaned, "oh, nothing. Nothing I needed help with."
Luki seemed confused. "You missed a rousing battle, babes."
Harry pulled a face at the strange man. "It was hardly rousing. Or a battle either!"
"Aye babe," Luki commented. "It reminds me of a song."
Right on cue some music started playing. Before Luki could open his mouth again, Harry fired the phaser at him. "Orange."
Craig seemed a little disappointed, "trust you to skip the best puzzle in the game."
"Uh what's that?" Morgan asked nervously.
"What's what?" Harry asked.
"That," Morgan replied as she pointed at a large island in front of them.
"Oh that's Brood Island babe," Luki groaned from the floor.
"Why was that guy looking for a map when the island was in front of him?" Harry asked.
"He was the dumbest guy in the class babe," Luki replied.
"That's really nice, can you slow us down so we don't crash?" Craig stuttered.
"Nah babe," Luki sighed, gesturing to his new phaser wound.
Craig and Morgan turned to glare at Harry.
The ship made an almighty bang when it ran out of water to sail through.
PART 4: No Weddings & A Funeral
"Ok, this parody is really dragging," Harry said.
"No it's not, we're only half way through," Craig said.
"As I was saying. We need to find that diamond ring, so let's ask around," Harry said.
"If you do your maths, this episode will be bigger than the previous parodies if we keep going like this, Craig," Morgan said.
"Not necessarily. Each parts are different lengths," Craig said.
"Oh shut up. Let's go and ask around," Harry said.
"Right babe," Luki said.
"Do we really need him still?" Harry asked.
"Yep, we need to find our way back to fix the shuttle," Craig replied.
"Damn," Harry muttered.
The gang were busy talking to a bartender. "It's a sad tale in my family's history that," the bartender said.
"Ugh, we need a fast forward button," Harry said.
"Here babe," Luki said. He handed Harry a remote. He pressed fast forward. He pressed play after a while.
"Her fiancée stole the diamond off the ring, and sold it to smugglers on Bunny Island," the bartender said.
"Bunny Island?" Morgan sniggered.
"Yes indeed. Anyway my great aunt died of a broken heart not long afterwards. Some say she haunts the family crypt," the bartender said.
"You can't die of a broken heart, bozo," Craig said.
"Are you starting boy?" the bartender asked angrily.
"No sir," Craig stuttered.
"So how would we able to get a hold of the engagement band?" Harry asked.
"You'd have to die, of course," the bartender replied.
"Hang on, where is Bunny Island?" Craig asked.
"That's the neighbouring island. You can see it from that window," the bartender replied.
Everyone turned to the window, they saw a small island in the distance.
"How do we get there?" Harry asked.
"Get a boat there of course, how hard can it be, yeesh," the bartender replied. He turned around and started to wash some glasses.
"If there's another puzzle to solve to get the ship I will scream," Harry muttered.
little while later:
The bartender jumped a mile as an ear piercing scream went around the entire island.
on the shore:
"Harry!" Morgan yelled.
"Oh sorry," Harry muttered.
"Just be glad I'm here. It was damned foggy today," a hooded man grunted.
"It's ok Harry, we only need some cash to pay him," Craig said.
"We don't have any," Harry said.
"I won't go back out there without a compass. You're out of luck," the hooded man said.
"Why don't these characters just say please shoot me Harry. It'd be a huge time saver," Harry grumbled.
Craig shook his head, "maybe we should split up again."
"Yes, 'cos that made things so much easier the last time," Morgan said.
Craig and Morgan stopped in front of a crypt, he read the name on the door. "Ah ha, this is it. The ring itself should be here."
"Mmm hmm," Morgan mumbled. She looked a little freaked out.
"Ok. You wait here, and I'll go pretend to be a relative to that bar guy, then play dead," Craig said. He turned to face her, "Once I'm in, you'll have to break me out..."
"Or..." Morgan groaned. She kicked the door down.
Craig looked nervous, "um, that was my plan B."
Meanwhile back at the hotel, Harry walked into a back room. He spotted a fridge in the corner, and to his relief it had something he could pick up.
Back at the harbour, the sailor stared at the contents of Harry's hand.
"This is your payment. Let's go," Harry grumbled.
"This is a fridge magnet," the sailor raised his eyebrow.
"Yes, it should point you north," Harry said as he was already climbing into the boat.
The sailor shook his head, "this is a fridge magnet!"
"You have no imagination," Harry muttered.
"Sounds like that's your issue, not mine," the sailor sighed. He got a phaser poking into his back. "Do you really want us to get lost in this fog?"
Harry's blank face stared straight ahead, the fog the man was talking about settled thinly on the sea. He could clearly see the island, not only that he could see the few people that were on it.
"I'll take that chance," Harry grumbled.
"I dunno babe, I don't think you'll make it," Luki muttered.
"That's why we have a nameless character and a guest star. Hop in!" Harry snapped.
Luki stared at the tiny rowboat Harry and his navigator was in. Morgan arrived, still looking freaked out.
"Did you find it?" she asked.
"More or less," Harry replied. "Where's Craig?"
Morgan shuddered, "I let him take care of the grave robbing. It's not my style."
Harry sighed, "how's regular robbing for you?"
Somehow the four of them managed to fit on the tiny rowboat, and get to the infamous Bunny Island.
"Ooh, doesn't this island look so evil?" the boat guy said.
"Was anyone else expecting there to be a sign saying something like; Keep Out Damien, or is just me?" Harry questioned.
Morgan shook her head, "why would they need to do that? It looks more like a duck to me."
"Er anyway, the smugglers cave is half way down the cliff face. A lift at the top will probably help you get down there," the boat guy said.
top of the cliff:
"Sure I'll take you down, you know this is my first time," some little boy said.
"Make Harry go first," everyone but Harry said.
"Hey," Harry moaned. Morgan pushed him onto the lift, the little boy turned a lever and he disappeared. All you could hear was screaming.
"Did he make it?" the boy asked.
Morgan looked over the side, "no. He landed on the boat." She shrugged, then pushed Luki onto the lift next, once again all you could hear was screaming.
"Aaarrrrrgghhhh baaaabbeee!" he screamed.
"He landed on the boat," Morgan sighed. "What am I doing wrong?"
"Third time lucky," the little boy said.
"Uh, yeah..." Morgan muttered. She pushed herself onto the lift. Lucky for her she didn't fall off, instead landing outside the cave safely. "Hmm, those two must be too fat." She walked into the cave.
"Ah we have an unwelcome guest. What can we do for you young lady?" some bald guy asked.
Morgan looked around the whole room, there was lots of gold stuff there. "Uh, there's only you and me here. Why did you say we?"
"I was talking about all my friends here," the bald guy said.
"Uh huh, I'm looking for a diamond," Morgan said.
"I have plenty of those, what size?" the bald guy asked.
"The biggest," Morgan replied.
"I'm afraid we cannot give that one away," the bald guy said.
"I could pay you," Morgan said.
"I'm afraid you don't look like the kind of person who'd have lots of money," the bald guy said.
Morgan grew a sneaky smile on her face. "Hmm."
in the family crypt:
Craig stood there, his mouth wide open and his finger pointing in front of him.
"Gosh, you're a cute little grave robber, aren't ya?" a very, very pale woman giggled.
"Uh..." Craig could only say.
"Oh how I wish I could leave this crypt," she sighed to herself.
Craig tried to shake it off. "Um, you can't? Can't you go through the wall?"
The woman giggled, "my soul is tied to this place until I find my one true love."
"You're trapped in a family crypt," Craig muttered.
"Gross and creepy, nice," Craig commented.
"But you, I could eat you all up," the woman giggled again. Craig's eyes widened again. "I always wanted an exciting, dangerous man. Someone like, a pirate."
Craig went into flashback mode, his eyes were still in a terrified one though.
Tuvok looked up from his computer. "I think with your... skills, you should join Security."
Craig's face lit up, "oh cool. Wait, why did you pause before skills?"
"So!" the woman interrupted his flashback. "What do you do for a living?"
"Um... delivery boy," Craig quickly replied.
"Well?" Harry questioned as he saw Morgan walking towards them.
"I did it," she replied.
"How?" Harry asked.
Morgan shrugged, "I paid him."
"With what?" Harry asked, getting even more impatient.
"Well he likes gold, so I gave him some," Morgan replied.
Harry looked confused, "we didn't have any..." His face went deadly pale. "You didn't!"
Morgan smiled evilly, "oh but I did."
His first instinct was to reach for his phaser but as he expected, it was gone.
"Maybe you should have took the gold tooth out, it was a bit icky," Morgan smiled sweetly.
Harry groaned into his hand, "you could have! We may have needed that."
"Relax, Craig has one," Morgan laughed. She joined them back in the boat. "Let's go." Harry could only grumble to himself.
on another Tolg ship:
Somehow Buck was still alive, if you call it alive, and he was surrounded by other ex Tolgs. "Have you found them yet?"
"Yes we have, yes we have," a hyper Tolg guy replied.
"Did you capture them?" Buck asked.
"Yes we did, yes we did," the hyper guy replied.
"Then where are they!?" Buck yelled.
"Uh... oh crap!" the hyper guy said.
"You let them escape!?" Buck yelled.
"No, we forgot to capture them," the hyper guy said. Buck threw a plate at the hyper guy, it cut his head off really easily.
"Um sir, he was the only one who knew where Morgan was," another Tolg said.
"Oh screw it, I give up for this episode. Just make sure I'm in a lot in the next one," Buck said angrily.
"What now?" Buck complained.
"You'd better come and look at this," the Tolg drone said.
Harry, Morgan, Craig and Luki were onboard the damaged ship, nearby Tani. Harry and Morgan were doing their best to not laugh, but failing quite well at it.
"So, last time Morgan saw you, you were raiding a crypt," Harry sniggered. "Dare we ask?" He burst out laughing.
Craig stood there with his arms folded, his eyes still very wide. Only now his face was covered in lipstick marks. "Hey, I didn't realise that she'd find delivery boy a more exciting job than Security or piracy!"
The rest of the group stared between each other, they didn't get it but laughed anyway.
"Ugh, I hate you guys," Craig huffed. Harry laughed even harder. "Ok, just him."
"Did you have time to get the ring band?" Morgan asked him.
"What do you mean have time, that's what I was doing," Craig stuttered. Morgan raised an eyebrow while Harry was stuck in a laughing fit. "The ghost had it on, ok. You guys suck."
Morgan got out the diamond, "never mind. Let's get this over with." She put it against the Tani statue. There was a blinding flash of light, afterwards she was back to normal like nothing ever happened. Suddenly the ring turned into dust.
"Huh, what's going on?" she asked.
"Just give her the actual game and let's get out of here," Harry replied.
"We can't, the ship's broken..." Craig said.
"Voyager to awayteam. We thought we'd conveniently come back for you now."
"What were we originally supposed to be doing on that mission anyway?" Harry asked.
"Do you want us to answer that or get rescued?"
"Get rescued," the entire team replied.
The group, minus Luki, disappeared in the usual transporter beam. It distorted at the last second.
They reappeared in a different transporter beam. As soon as they did, a group of men grabbed Morgan. Disgusted she swung an arm so one of them went flying into the ground.
"No you fools, get my dear Morgan!" Buck snapped.
The men looked confused, the awayteam just stared at him in deadpan. The men grabbed Tani instead and dragged her towards Buck.
"Damn it, this joke's getting old," she complained.
"Set a course for Malain!" Buck cackled.
"Ah ha, we're lightyears away. This'll be no problem to sort out," Craig smiled.
"Activating trans-warp," the helmsman said.
"Should we throw them in the brig... oh sorry, weapons room?" a minion asked the mad Captain.
"No, I've got to taunt them by telling them of all my plans, and all I've done so far first," Buck laughed. The minions looked worried.
Harry winced, then looked over to Craig who obviously was the only one with a phaser.
Many hours later
"... Then I bumped my ship into his, causing him to fall into the whirlp... er wormhole."
The awayteam were sitting crosslegged on the floor, looking bored to tears. Tani meanwhile had been tied up to a beam nearby.
"That's ridiculous. We're in space, that wouldn't happen," Harry grumbled. The team glared at him.
Tani wriggled in the ropes, "can we hurry this along, my nose is itchy."
Many more hours later
"... And after that I was attacked by an army of shuttles."
One minute later
"Then I found out he was there after all, only he was one of the minions. What a twist, huh?" Buck finished finally. He cackled to himself. "Any questions?"
All he got was a lot of blank stares from the team and his own crew.
"Many," Harry muttered.
"Ah, my scheme was way too confusing for ye?" Buck smiled.
"That's one way of putting it," Craig commented. He glanced to Morgan. "Did we swap game parodies?"
"God I hope so. If it's the game I'm thinking of, there will be a lot less puzzles to solve," Harry sighed.
Morgan rolled her eyes, "am I the only one wondering how he managed to tell that whole story in a minute?"
"What are ye talking about, swapping game parodies?" Buck grumbled. "Gah, just dump them on the planet somewhere."
PART 5: Oh, it isn't over?
Harry, Craig and Morgan couldn't believe their eyes. Well maybe they could, considering who had beamed them here. They appeared to be in the theme park they reached in the last game. Only this time identical people were walking around.
"I really hope Buck didn't join us cos he was putting on the tutu," Craig stuttered.
Harry shook his head. He snatched the phaser off of Craig's belt. "Ok, Buck forgot to turn us into kids. All we need to do then is rescue Tani, and/or kill Buck again."
"You can't shoot him, he's dead," Craig commented. Harry smiled. "You can't shoot Tani either." His smile faded.
"You guys know something I don't? We don't even know where he and Tani are," Morgan said with a heavy sigh at the end.
"He wanted to marry her, or you rather," Harry thought aloud. "They wouldn't have a wedding finale again, would they?"
"Maybe he took her to the Delta's version of Vegas to elope," Craig suggested.
Morgan groaned. She walked off.
"That's stupid, you're..." Harry muttered.
Craig groaned, "I know, stupid. Look, we need to look around here, gather items and stuff. Then we'll have an idea what to do."
"Oh come on! This last part of the game was rushed, we're not going to get an ending that makes sense," Harry said.
"You have no idea what you've just said, do you?" Craig sniggered.
Harry frowned, then he got it. "Oh right, business as usual then."
"So... er, item collecting?" Craig said slowly. Harry raised his phaser. He was about to fire at the icecream vendor when Morgan appeared back on the screen, er scene. She smacked him across the head with a large paperback book. He of course fell to the ground with a thud. Craig recognised the cover of the book. "Curse of Monkey Island, Strategy Guide. How do we keep finding these? They don't exist."
Morgan shrugged in response, then took a peep into the guide. "We need to find a big assed roller coaster."
"Why?" Craig asked with a frown.
Buck sat at a computer, cackling away as he clicked the mouse. Tani stood nearby, for some reason freed from her ropes. "Soon my love, you and I shall start our eternal marital bliss, on this!" He gestured at the screen.
Tani squinted at the screen. On it was just the old 2D Roller Coaster Tycoon game, focused on a roller coaster that went underground.
"Um, what?" She then noticed a carriage of computer people go through the tunnel. A red message saying Roller Coaster 1 has crashed appeared at the bottom of the screen. "You suck at this game."
Buck laughed again. "Oh, its not a game." He dragged her towards an entrance to a ride. Tani then recognised what ride it was. "Ladies first." She looked up as a real carriage on the roller coaster disappeared into a tunnel inside a giant monkey head. She cringed at the screams.
"Um, actually, can I pop to the bathroom first?" Tani stuttered. Buck frowned at her. "I don't want to need to go when I die, catch my drift?"
"Oh of course. I'll wait here for you, my dear," Buck smiled. He then tried to squeeze into the carriage, failing miserably. "Take your time."
Tani quickly rushed off, "oh I will."
Harry, Craig and Morgan were now underground next to a coaster track. What they were standing in seemed to be a cardboard showcase of scenes from Monkey Island, or rather the parodies. The one they were in showed a cardboard Harry pointing a phaser at the terrified cannibals from the first game.
"That's the stupidest final puzzle I've ever heard in my life," Harry muttered.
Morgan clenched her teeth and pulled a face. "I'd better not show you the fourth game's guide then." She chucked a second book to the side. It conveniently landed in an empty carriage that just slowed down nearby. Harry's eyes widened.
"So... we better get the bomb items then," Craig said. Morgan nodded.
Harry looked at them, then the carriage. He ran and jumped into it, head first. The carriage then started to speed up, but as the only part of Harry that was visible was his legs, he didn't notice. Morgan and Craig stared blankly at him as he disappeared around the corner.
At the last second they heard, "monkey what? Oh hell no."
Buck decided to sit on top of the carriage itself, he smiled contently. He heard a creaking metal sound. "Hmm?"
Morgan picked up a piece of rope from the cardboard version of Craig, hanging from the hole. Craig stood nearby, keeping his eye out for another carriage. "Now all we need is the flame."
The carriage with Harry Kim's legs kicking out of them slowed down at another showcase. He somehow managed to roll forward onto his butt. Then he noticed he wasn't alone.
"Damn, I keep missing the get off point," Tani mumbled as the carriage sped away.
Harry looked over just in time to see the cardboard version of Craig, in his fancy dress costume. "How did you get here?"
Tani shrugged, then looked back at him. "I pretended to go to the bathroom, but they charge ten pence to use it."
"That doesn't answer... oh never mind," Harry grumbled.
The carriage arrived at another scene. This one only had a giant monkey covered in snow. The pair stared blankly at it.
"Which part of the games is this from?" Tani asked.
Harry shook his head, "hopefully not the next two." They quickly jumped off. "So how long do you think it'll take for Buck to try and find you?"
Tani pulled a face, "hmm."
At another showcase showing Buck in all his tutu glory towering over tiny cut outs of the awayteam cowering, another carriage arrived. Well some of it did anyway.
"Damn, that one's fine," Buck sighed with admiration. He tried to pull himself out, but he couldn't. His huge belly seemed to be imbedded in the steel of the broken carriage. "Aaaw," he moaned like a child as it sped back up.
"So where should we set off the bomb?"
Morgan peeped in her walkthrough, while Craig kept an eye out for the next stop. They passed the Harry phaser one again. "Hmm, something about a giant monkey."
"Um, we passed that already, and we've already been here," Craig mumbled, pointing at the fake Harry.
"Yep, we're going in circles," Morgan answered.
Craig looked disgusted, "I don't really want to see the Buck one again, or mine!"
Morgan giggled, "well tough on yours, I'm sure the monkey was after it."
Craig pouted, "well this has got to be the worst roller coaster, ever."
Buck now looked worried as he reached the wedding from the first game. "Oh, I hope what my Morgan has isn't infectious. She's been a while. Oh well, at least I get to ride my death coaster twice, heh heh."
His carriage sped up, then went on a climb. He giggled like a kid once he reached the top. As it sped down the hill, he raised his arms in the air. His face looked disappointed as the coaster just levelled off like a normal one, and turned a corner.
"What!? Who took the missing track piece out of this?" he screamed.
"No, put a loop in," Tani complained.
Harry waved his hand in the air, as if to shoo her away like a fly. "No, I've got a better idea." He clicked the mouse to the Roller Coaster Tycoon computer, a mischievous smile plastered on his face.
"Um, isn't Morgan and Craig still in there, solving the puzzle?" Tani meekly said.
Harry's face dropped, "oh fine. I'll not do the edit till they're passed it." His hand hovered on standby over the mouse. The screen showed the drop leading to the giant monkey showcase, with a slight edit flashing.
Morgan and Craig finished off their bomb, which for some reason was put in the arm of the giant monkey. They heard a familiar voice in the distance screaming, "wheeeeee!" They glanced at each other, before quickly jumping into the carriage about to get away.
What they didn't notice was a large chunk of the track behind them disappeared, then it was replaced by a high incline leading to nowhere.
Buck's carriage soon dropped onto the scene, it sped onto the new bit of track with a vengeance. "Uhoh!" he stuttered as it flew off the track, towards the giant monkey.
Meanwhile Harry and Tani watched the scene explode on the ride's window screen, laughing so much tears were streaming down their faces.
The screen started to fade out.
"Hey wait a minute. We're still trapped on Malain, again!" Harry's voice complained.
"Yeah, and what about the love scene at the end!" Tani's also complained.
There was silence for about a minute.
"You know, I still have charge in this phaser," Harry's voice muttered.
Ignoring them, the screen faded out completely.
And so the crappiest parody of the Monkey Island games comes to a close. Of course I call it crappy cos I wasn't in as much, but what are you going to do? Now I'm off to do some narrating work on B4FV, bye fans!
"Shut the hell up!" Harry yelled. He picked up a mallet and smashed the computer where the voice was coming from. "A job well done," he said, he walked away.
TO BE CONTINUED
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