The Revenge
(Parts 1 & 2)

Please Note
This episode has been rebooted as Secret of the Revenge, but has been placed in the new Season One instead. You can read this one all you like, obviously, but unfortunately the episode in S1 makes this episode not canon anymore.

This episode is a parody/skit of the game Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge. This episode is mainly a sequel to The Secret of Malain, so if you haven't read it yet I suggest you do. There's also stuff from Monkey Island 3 and the game Roller Coaster Tycoon.. you'll see.

Episode Synopsis
Craig and Harry are sent a strange message in their dreams, not long afterwards Nikki and Lisa disappear

Guest Stars
Clive Martin
Earl Boen

Written By
Marill, Raichu & Vulpix

8th - 9th November 2002

Episode Based In
November 2378


Some unknown place:
Craig was just holding onto a rope which was in a tangle around a branch on the side of a rather deep hole. Another rope fell down the hole, Lena climbed down the rope.

"Well well well, Craig, you've got yourself dug into quite a hole here," Lena said.

"Oh very funny Lena," Craig muttered.

"So, how did you get in this mess?" Lena asked.

"Well I'll tell you when you get me out," Craig replied.

"No it's ok I have time," Lena said. Craig groaned.

"Lena, I could fall anytime.." Craig said.

"I told you, I have time," Lena said.

"Ok, well it all started back on Voyager the other night," Craig said. The screen faded out into dark. The episode title came up across the screen, it eventually faded away again, some really bad internal speaker music started. As it did Lee and Bryan came onto the screen doing a really silly dance.

Raichu came onto the screen looking a bit teed off, "what are you two doing? Get out of my theme animation!"

"Whaa? Theme animation, RUN!" Lee screamed. He and Bryan ran for their lives. Raichu chased after them.

After some dodgy credits, Lee and Bryan ran back onto the screen. They both started dancing even more stupid than before, Yasmin came onto the screen with a phaser rifle. She developed a maniacal grin on her face and she started firing the rifle at the pair.

"Aw crap!" Bryan yelled. He and Lee ran back off the screen, Yasmin ran after them still firing the rifle.

Eventually after more and more dodgy credits and really bad internal speaker music, the theme animation finished.

"There, wasn't that great?" Raichu asked. She looked around the bedroom she was in, Marill and Vulpix had left the room. "Oh I get it.. the computer can play DOS music now, silly me. I'd better record the proper theme music."

Several days earlier:
Harry and Craig both were going down a corridor on Voyager. They walked into the Mess Hall to find no one there, and the whole room to be murky and dark. "What the.. what's going on?" Harry asked.

"I dunno," Craig muttered in response.

Four older people walked into the room via the other doors. Harry and Craig gasped in shock. "Mum, dad?" Harry stuttered.

"Yes son, it is us," Mr Kim said.

"This is impossible, you're both dead," Craig said in shock.

"It's ok son, we're here," Mrs Anderson said.

"Yes, we're hear to give you a message," Mr Anderson said.

"A message, erm ok," Harry said.

"Yes, we're going to give it to you in the form of a song," Mrs Kim said.

"Oh dear, can't you just tell us it?" Craig said questioningly.

"No, where's the fun in that," Mr Anderson said.

Mr & Mrs Kim and Mr & Mrs Anderson all turned into skeletons, and they started dancing to some really dancey music.. But it was still awful since the sound system was using the internal speaker to play it. Craig and Harry's eyes widened in horror as they watched the skeletons attempting to dance.

"If you're stupid and you know it.. ignore this song," Mr Kim sang.

"And if you care about Lisa and Nikki and you know it.. go to the moon orbiting Malain," Mr Anderson sang. The music stopped abruptly.

"Can't you sing the song to the tune right?" Mrs Anderson asked angrily.

"Obviously this song is stupid," Mr Anderson replied.

A dog ran into the room, it bit into Mr Kim and ran away with his arm bones. "Hey gimme that back you stupid dog!" Mr Kim ran after it.

"Um.. this is not real right?" Harry asked.

"If it is, I need help," Craig muttered.

"Hey, it worked on Monkey Island," Mrs Kim moaned. She and Mr & Mrs Anderson screamed, they ran off. Mr Kim continued to chase the dog. The dog looked pretty scared and it ran out of the room too, Mrs Kim followed him.

"What? What did we say?" Harry asked.

Craig shrugged, he turned around and he jumped a mile. Harry looked confused and he turned around too.

"Booo!" Captain Buck, who was right behind the two, yelled.

"Ohno, you can't be here.. you're dead," Harry said.

"No you halfwit, I was already dead when you met me. Now I'll get my revenge," Captain Buck said.

"But it was Emma that did it," Craig moaned. Harry elbowed him hard.

"Ah yes, I have more nasty things to do to her. Wakey wakey," Captain Buck said. He pulled out a phaser rifle and he shot them both.

Craig's Quarters:
Craig woke up suddenly and he sat upright in his bed. "Thank god, only a dream," he muttered. He then lay back down on his bed.

Meanwhile in Harry's Quarters:
Harry woke up, but he didn't sit up.. he just fell off the bed. "Ow.. stupid gravity," he said as he rubbed his head.

Meanwhile (again), on some moon:
Lisa and Nikki both woke up in the middle of a theme park, they both groggily stood up.

"What the hell, where are we?" Nikki asked.

"Oh god I hope it isn't Light Water Valley!" Lisa stuttered. Nikki glanced at her looking confused.

"There's something different about you.. you look a lot younger," Nikki asked.

"Hey thanks," Lisa said cheerfully. She turned to Nikki and she freaked out. "Oh my god... you're a kid!"

"I am, I was wondering why everyone seemed tall," Nikki said.

Lisa looked down at herself, she freaked out again. "Oh god, so am I.. what's going on?"

"Maybe we went back in time," Nikki replied.

"We'd still be the same age if we did," Lisa said.

"Oh.. oh yeah," Nikki said.

"We can't keep standing around like idiots, we have to find out where we are," Lisa said. She walked down the nearest path, Nikki followed her.

Back on Voyager, the Bridge:
Kathryn, Chakotay, Harry, Ian and Claire were at their usual places. Lena came onto the Bridge, she took one look at Kathryn and she burst into giggles. Kathryn turned to her, "what are you laughing at?"

"Oh.. just your hair," Lena replied.

"There is nothing wrong with my hair. I finally got it sorted out after that mess James made of it," Kathryn said.

"Actually I helped so it... uh, yeah James," Lena said nervously.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes before taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes quickly widened. "Oh my god, this is decaf! Who keeps giving me this crap!"

"How does Neelix do it?" Chakotay muttered to himself.

Kathryn threw the cup to the ground, spilling the decaf everywhere. "What are you doing here anyway Lena?"

"Oh, I was looking for Nikki. She supposedly was the one who kicked that basketball at Harry the other day," Lena replied.

"It still hurts," Harry pouted.

"Well I haven't seen her," Kathryn said. She and Lena looked around the room, everyone shook their heads.

"Computer locate Nichola Young," Lena said.

"Nichola Young is not aboard the ship," the computer's voice replied.

Harry's eyes widened, "computer locate Lisa Lillis."

Everyone on the Bridge turned to him suspiciously. "Lisa Lillis is not onboard the ship."

"Captain, it's Buck again. My parents told me in my dream that we should go to Malain's moon if we care about Lisa and Nikki," Harry said.

"Ok, he's flipped," Ian muttered.

"Harry, what are you talking about?" Chakotay asked.

"I think Captain Buck has kidnapped them," Harry replied.

"Who and what are you on about?" Lena asked.

Harry groaned, "remember Secret of Malain?"

Everyone thought for a few seconds, "oh yeah."

"So you're saying that they've been kidnapped by him just because your parents told you in a dream," Claire said questioningly.

"Yes... finally!" Harry sighed in relief.

"Oh come on, you didn't know they were missing until a few moments ago. Why would you dream of something like that?" Kathryn asked.

"I dunno, the only thing I can think of is someone was actually trying to tell me what was going to happen," Harry replied.

"Sounds realistic," Lena said. Everyone turned to her all with raised eyebrows. "Oh come on, it's Fifth Voyager remember."

"So it's settled, how far is Malain?" Kathryn asked.

"Um about three months away," Ian replied. Everyone collapsed Pokémon style.

"Right, let's be more realistic. A ship wouldn't of gotten that far if they had just taken them today.. all we have to do is.." Kathryn said.

"Mum, they'll be using a Tolg ship. They can go into transwarp," Lena said.

"Ok screw that. Harry, take someone down to that planet with you and get me some real coffee," Kathryn ordered. She dumped a load of replicated money on Harry's console.

"Don't you think Lisa and Nikki are more important than your coffee?" Harry asked. Kathryn glared at him with a very scary look in her eyes. "Of course it isn't, I'll go now." Harry then rushed out of the Bridge.

The planet's surface:
Harry, Craig, Emma and Evil C all rematerialised near a small bridge. The area was dark and creepy, the three moons were the only things lighting up the place.

"Why the hell do we have to come down here just to get Janeway's stinking coffee supplies?" Evil C asked.

"Don't worry, we're not going to do that. I asked you lot to come with me because we were all in the Buck situation together, well sorta," Harry said as he glanced towards Emma.

"I don't get it, Buck's dead," Evil C said.

"He was dead when we first met him anyway," Craig muttered. Harry glanced at him looking worried.

"That's what he said in my dream," Harry said.

"Really, me too," Craig said.

"Did your parents and my parents turn into skeletons and started singing, and then Buck came along?" Harry asked. Evil C and Emma glanced at each other and they both laughed.

"Yes that's what happened," Craig replied.

"Well Lisa and Nikki are missing and we have to find a way to Malain. If both of us had the dream then it must be some sort of message. Did you guys have a similar dream?" Harry asked.

"No. I know I'm insane but I'm not that insane," Evil C replied.

"I had that dream about Pound Land again," Emma said.

"Ok, what happened in that?" Craig asked.

"Why should I tell you?" Emma replied.

"Maybe we should split up, we have to find some transport," Harry said.

"What makes you think transport from here is going to get us there faster than Voyager or the Enterprise will?" Evil C asked.

"Um.. well.. you see, um.. there might be.. ah to heck with it," Harry stuttered before dragging Craig with him towards the Bridge.

Evil C and Emma glanced at each other again, they both headed in the other direction.

As soon as Harry and Craig got to the Bridge a small guy came over to them. "Gimme all your money."

"No way," Harry said.

"Yeah, go and mug someone else you shortie," Craig said boldly.

"Ooh tough guys huh. I know what to do with tough guys. I want you to meet my good friend, the Narrator," the guy said.

"Ohno," Harry muttered.

Ah hah, so we meet again!

"Oh crap, not again," Craig muttered.

"I still need to get revenge on you so I'll.." Harry said.

And the short guy gathered up all his Slayer strength and knocked both guys to the ground. He stole all the money and he ran off laughing.

"Huh.. damn it!" Craig yelled from the ground.

"I'll get back at you, no one steals my money!" Harry yelled.

"It wasn't your money, it was Janeway's coffee money," Craig muttered as he stood up.

"Oh well, he did some good," Harry said as he stood up too.

"But won't we need that money to get transport?" Craig asked.

"Huh... ah son of a..." Harry grumbled.

PART ONE: The Narrator Vs Harry Kim... who will kick butt?

"Ok, that's is a really stupid chapter name," Evil C said.

PART ONE: Evil C falls into the dirty swamp and er that's about it

"Oh great, now the narrator is getting back at me," Evil C said as he pulled himself out of the swamp.

Emma shrugged. "What are we doing here anyway?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?" Evil C replied.

"I dunno, we could have a go in that conveniently placed boat," Emma said.

"Fair enough," Evil C said.

Meanwhile, on the moon orbiting Malain:
"I wanna see the cannon fire.. now now now now!" Nikki stropped.

"Oh for goodness sake, here!" the guy at a stall groaned. He put a custard pie into a cannon, and it fired into some posh woman's face.

"Aaah, my beautiful face! Now I'll never get into Malain Whore's Monthly!" the woman screamed as she ran off.

Lisa went up to Nikki and she dragged her away from the stall. "Nikki, you are doing it wrong!"

"Doing what wrong, I do know how to strop you know. Kiara taught me," Nikki said.

"No, your stropping's perfect. I mean you're taking material from the third Monkey Island game," Lisa said.

"Oh so that means that I can't have an ice cream with pepper, tofu and other really yummy things?" Nikki moaned.

Lisa cringed, "you like ice cream with pepper and tofu on, gross!"

Back on the other planet, we'll call it Scabbia:
Emma and Evil C were both inside a weird potion room, they wandered around until they found something that Evil C recognised.

"Ohno, it's the fat voodoo lady," Evil C muttered.

"Aaah, so now who's useless! Mwahahahahahaha!" the voodoo lady laughed. She wiped a tear from her eye, "oh please buy something."

"Do you have really fast and efficient transport?" Evil C asked.

"Of course, I actually manage the Northern Bus Company," the voodoo lady said.

"Didn't you say fast and efficient?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, well as long as she doesn't own Arriva," Evil C muttered.

"Actually I do," the voodoo lady said.

"Oookay, you have nothing we want," Emma said. She and Evil C turned to leave.

"No wait! I sense you need this!" the voodoo lady screeched while shoving some dolls into Emma's hands. "Your companions have just been mugged by the man who is in league with the narrator. You will need one of these to get revenge on him. I can't remember which one it is though. They all look alike."

"If you want to pull off the whole scared of dolls thing, I think we need a Cindy," Emma said.

"No no, you'll see what it's use is," the voodoo lady said and she smiled slyly.

Harry and Craig went inside a small building which turned out to be a mini hotel. "Well I'm sure we'll find transport here," Craig muttered sarcastically.

"Oh shut up it's all part of the episode's puzzles," Harry said. He headed towards one of the doors. A guy came up to him.

"No you can't go in there, that's somebodies room," the guy said.

"Oh sorry, we have to solve the puzzle don't we," Harry said. He pulled out a phaser and he shot the guy.

"Is that the answer to all the puzzles?" Craig asked.

"Oh yeah," Harry replied. He and Craig went into the room but they came face to face with the small guy.

Back at the swamp Emma was busy poking one of the dolls with a pin she had.

Meanwhile, at the writers hideout:
Marill suddenly cringed and she ran out of the room, "ow the pain! Oooh migraine! Ooh make it stop, aaaah!"

Vulpix and Raichu glanced at each other with sweatdrops at the side of their heads. "Soo, wanna play Worms Armageddon?" Vulpix asked.

"Wow it works on this computer now?" Raichu said in amazement.

"Yep, and I'm using the Fifth Voyager team," Vulpix said.

"No I am!" Raichu yelled.

"No me!" Vulpix yelled. She and Raichu started slapping each other. Vulpix slipped and she knocked over a glass of Cherry Coke.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" the two girls screamed.

Back at Scabbia:
Emma threw the other doll onto the floor, she got ready to poke the other one.

Back at the hotel Harry and Craig looked like they were in deep trouble.

"What the hell are you doing here?" the small guy asked.

"Um, we want the money back," Craig muttered.

The small guy started to go over to them but he jumped a mile. He started rubbing his butt like it hurt. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Harry asked.

The small guy screamed and he jumped a metre into the air again. "Stop that right now!"

"Um.. no! We demand that you leave this planet and give us all our money back!" Harry demanded. Craig glanced at him looking confused.

"Ha, I spent all the money already!" the small guy laughed. He jumped in pain again.

"Ok, just leave the planet," Harry said.

"You can't make me," the small guy snarled.

"Oh yeah?" Harry said questioningly.

The small guy jumped a couple of times, he ran out of the room screaming.

"Right, now we'd better get some transport to Malain, ok Harry," Craig groaned.

"Ok, whatever," Harry said. The small guy ran back in.

"Did you say Malain, haha you're out of your league there," the small guy laughed.

"Keep walking," Harry said.

The small guy groaned, then he screamed and ran out.

Emma and Evil C were innocently walking down a street when some guy in a cloak ran into them both. Emma stumbled and she fell through the window. The guy sniggered and he continued on his way. Evil C looked around, he couldn't see Emma anywhere.. well he didn't think of looking through the window anyway.

Emma looked around the room she was in, her eyes lit up. "Oh cool, look at the size of those knives!"

She appeared to be in a very small kitchen with a single chef. She looked over what was cooking, a really disgusting brown sloppy soup. She then heard voices in the other room.

"Yes we do have some food here, I'll just go and ask the chef if he's done yet," a guy's voice said.

The chef then rushed over to the sloppy soup, not noticing Emma for some reason. A big fat bloke came into the room. "The soup is doing very well, sir. Do you want to try some?"

"Yes I'd love too," the guy replied. Emma cringed as the guy had a sip of the soup. "Oh my goodness, what is this!"

"It's coffee soup, sir.." the chef replied.

"Coffee soup? You're fired!" the guy yelled.

The chef just started crying and he ran out of the room. The guy went over to Emma who was busy eyeing the knives. "You a new recruit?"

"Uh.. yeah I am," Emma replied.

"Good, you've been promoted to top chef now give those customers outside some of that soup," the guy said. He waddled back through the door and he joined Harry, Craig and Evil C at a small bar.

"Got a new chef already?" Harry said questioningly.

"Year, she should be a lot better than the other one," the guy said.

The three guys heard the door opening again and they glanced over to see who it was.. they all gasped in shock or horror, take your pick. "Um.. who wants coffee soup?" Emma asked, not looking too sure about it.

"Oh my god, Emma's the chef," Craig muttered.

"Emma why have you got that job?" Evil C asked.

"Have you seen the size of those knives?" Emma replied and she grinned.

"Wait a minute, how much are you paying her for this job?" Craig asked.

"About 500 pieces a week," the guy replied.

"Is that enough to get some decent transport around here?" Craig asked.

"Decent no, transport yes. That reminds me I have to pay her first week's salary in advance," the guy replied. He handed some money to Emma.

"We won't be able to get the money if she's still working here, we can't exactly leave without her," Evil C whispered to the other guys.

"You're right," Harry said, he was about to draw his phaser but Craig stopped him.

"No, we just have to get her fired," Craig said quietly.

"Yes.. fired," Harry said, emphasising the word fire.

"So Emma, Mummy Returns," Craig said as he headed towards the door. Emma's eyes lit up.

"Mummy Returns?" Emma said quietly. She followed him. Harry and Evil C shrugged and they followed the pair.

"Excuse me, you work here now missy," the guy said. Emma ignored the guy, but he pulled out a gun of his own. "Gimme that salary back, you didn't do anything for me."

"Now can I use the phaser?" Harry asked.

"Duh," Craig replied. Harry quickly pulled out his phaser and he fired it at the guy. Everyone rushed out.

Meanwhile, Malain's moon:
Lisa was glancing around, obviously trying to work out what to do. Nikki was just glancing around at passing guys. "God that guy's cute," Nikki cooed.

Lisa rolled her eyes, "he looks exactly the same as everyone else in the park. I think they're all clones."

"That's a good thing, right?" Nikki said questioningly.

"No, they're all ugly," Lisa replied.

A guy who really looked like he needed the toilet ran passed the two girls. Despite his condition he had a massive grin on his face, "I need to go to the toilet," he said through his gritted teeth.

"Oh great, now we're skitting Theme Park, or is it Roller Coaster Tycoon," Lisa muttered. Nikki shrugged her shoulders.

Not far behind the toilet guy was another clone with a bright red face. He immediately started smashing the nearby seats. "Die seats, die!"

"Ok, it's not proven that they're the ones who smash the chairs in the game," Lisa pointed out. Suddenly she was picked up by a giant hand and she was placed in the middle of nowhere. "Ok, now I know who's playing this game."

Meanwhile Nikki was trying out her newly founded 'flirting skills' on a handyman. "I've got a cupboard where you can put that brush you know."

And we'll leave her too it, shall we?

Back at Scabbia:
Craig, Harry, Emma and Evil C arrived at what looked like a small landing area for shuttles. A guy was standing next to a shuttlecraft. The group went over to him.

"Oh my god, Izan?" Craig said in shock.

The guy jumped slightly, he turned around slowly. "No, I'm Lizan."

"Oh my god Izan, this is great. How did you get here?" Craig asked.

"Well after you left me for dead on Monkey Island.. um Malain, no that's not right. What's the name of the planet again?" Izan replied.

"Abatua," Craig said.

"That's it! See I'm so traumatised from the experience that I can't even remember the name of the planet," Izan said angrily.

"Well, how did you get here stranger?" Harry asked.

"Well after I finally escaped from Monkey.. aaarggh!" Izan replied angrilly. He slapped his own head hard.

"It would help if you'd stop skitting Monkey Island 4," Harry muttered.

"Fine, I got the balloon to work again. Then when I got back my business went bust so I stole a transwarp ship to escape," Izan said.

"Escape from what?" Craig asked.

"I used to have customers book in advance, do you realise how hot headed unsatisfied Abatuan customers are?" Izan replied.

"Oh who cares, he has a transwarp ship," Harry said.

"Ohno, I don't care what it is this time. I'm not taking you anywhere!" Izan stuttered.

"You don't have to take us, we'll take the ship and leave you here. Besides, if you don't I'll shoot you," Harry said. He pulled out the phaser.

Izan panicked, "no not the arse!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong but your arse is on the back," Harry muttered.

"I know that.." Izan said.

"So are we lending the ship or not?" Emma asked, sounding rather bored.

"You can lend it but I'm coming with you," Izan replied.

"No you're not," Harry said.

"But I'm not letting you amateurs run this ship on your own," Izan said.

"Turn around," Harry said. Izan panicked, he backed away.

"Oh great, he's turning into James," Craig whispered to the others. Harry cringed and he dropped the phaser. Emma and Evil C sniggered but then looked confused.

"Oh come on he probably doesn't even use a phaser," Emma said.

"Are all you people so aggressive towards people?" Izan asked nervously.

"Aggressive? No, I'm just sick of these parodies that's all," Harry replied.

"Aren't we all?" Craig muttered.

"Oh come on this is getting boring," Emma moaned.

"Yeah and why haven't I had one line in this entire scene?" Evil C asked. Everyone else glanced at each other.

Meanwhile on the moon orbiting Malain:
Some guy in a weird tribal outfit on was standing around on his own in a large room.

So where is the ugly ponce?

A couple of muffles came from the huge mask the guy was wearing. He pointed at something, it was Buck coming into the room.

"You know I did hear that," Buck said as he limped into the room.

The guy took off his mask, it was the small guy from Scabbia. "It's a good thing I was wearing this. He spits way too much."

Buck narrowed his eyes and he spat in the guys face. "Well that's the result of my allergic reaction, so shut the hell up."

So what's going to happen then? What's the plan?

"You tell us you moron, you're the narrator," the small guy grunted.

You know that I have the power to do anything to you

"Yeah yeah, if that was true you would of got rid of that guy easily," the small guy said.

Ok almost anything

"Enough, if those Voyager crewmembers find that starchart to the gate we may as well quit now," Buck said.

"That doesn't sound very villainous," the small guy muttered.

"Well I'd like to see you do better," Buck grumbled.

"So why are the Voyager crewmembers not allowed to find the starchart?" the small guy asked.

Buck groaned. "Oh come on, don't you remember me mentioning that I kidnapped Lisa and the dumb blonde," Buck replied.

"Nope but that comment was an insult to blondes," the small guy said as he stroked his hair.

"Your hair is ginger," Buck muttered.

"What, not again!" the small guy screamed and he ran out.           


End of Part I

Part II


Somewhere different on Scabbia:
The awayteam came out of Izan's shuttle. "Is it just me or are we still on Scabbia?" Evil C asked.

"It isn't just you, there can't be two planets with a moon that looks like it has an evil grin on it's face," Harry replied.

"Of course there is.. oh wait that wasn't a moon," Craig muttered.

"Ok I confess, I crashed the ship when I got here. The transwarp part is broken. Please don't shoot me," Izan stuttered.

"Well he said it politely, so I'll wait til later," Harry said.

"So we're screwed. We'll never get back to Malain and find the girls. What should we do?" Craig said questioningly.

"You want to go to Malain? Why didn't you say so?" Izan said.

"I thought we did," Emma said quietly.

"We might of but it was soooo long ago," Craig said.

"It was two scenes ago," Evil C muttered.

"Um, I just want to say that there's a gate thingy like on Abatua. One of the planets it goes too is Malain," Izan said.

"Wow convenient," Harry said.

"Come on, if we didn't have any convenience do you realise how dull the episodes would be," Craig said. Everyone stayed dead quiet as tumbleweed blew passed the set, um landscape.

"So, the gate sounds good," Harry said.

"Yeah," everyone agreed.

"I really shouldn't say this but nearly all gates are hidden from a government of some sort. This one is hidden and there's only one starchart which shows the way," Izan said.

"A starchart? I thought it was on the planet," Craig muttered.

"Yeah.. duh," Izan said. Everyone glared at him with raised eyebrows. "Oh, of course.. starcharts.. it must be on a star. Hey good luck."

"Do you know who has the starchart?" Evil C asked sounding bored.

"Aaah, more than one person. Four people used to have different parts to the chart," Izan said.

"Oh dear god, a starchart that needs to be pieced together using tape," Emma groaned.

"No no, the four people had four different memory chips from the device thing that was the starchart. They did that so no one would ever find it," Izan said.

"I'll ask again, who has it?" Evil C asked.

"Um, it's only a rumour but people say that a retired ship pilot, a guy with a really posh house, a shopkeeper and a dead guy has them," Izan said.

"Sounds fun, really. Are you finished giving us all the info we need?" Harry asked.

"I dunno, maybe," Izan replied.

"Ok," Harry shrugged. He wandered around before shooting Izan in the butt.

"Noooo, my arse! My precious arse!" Izan cried from the ground.

"Right, we're going to have to split up to do this. Emma, you go to the retired pilot. Craig, you go to the posh guy. I'll go to the shopkeeper. Evil C, you go find out who that dead guy is related too, a relative must have the chip," Harry said.

"Are we just going to leave him here?" Craig asked while pointing at Izan.

"Didn't stop you at Abatua now did it?" Harry replied.

Later, nearby a waterfall:
Emma came into the scene, she looked around. "Ohno, not another puzzle."

After about ten minutes of trying to work out the puzzle Emma couldn't take it anymore. "That's it, screw you waterfall!" She turned to leave but she slipped on a few wet leaves. She then conveniently landed on a pump's lever, it was pushed down as a result. The waterfall stopped flowing all of a sudden.

"Huh? I still got it," Emma said as she pulled herself to her feet. She spotted a hole in the mountain, so she climbed inside. Inside there was a large corridor that was very poorly lit. She slowly went down it.

Somebody tapped her on the shoulder. She groaned and she turned around to see Buck!

"Oh hi, this isn't your tunnel is it?" Emma said questioningly.

"Of course it is, well it looks like one of mine anyway. Hey, aren't you scared?" Buck asked angrily.

Emma glanced around, "scared of what exactly?"

"Don't you remember me, I'm the guy you killed, well nearly," Buck said.

Emma looked confused, "you'll have to be more specific."

"Buck you fool, I'm trying to get revenge on you," Buck groaned.

"My name's not Buck," Emma said.

Buck groaned again, he raised his hands into the air and he looked towards the ceiling. "What do I have to do to be scary around here!"

"Put on a tutu, that would be scary," Emma suggested.

"Really? Thanks.. er I mean, you will witness my terror one day. And on that day I will get my revenge!" Buck exclaimed. He laughed evilly.

"You really need to work on that," Emma said.

"Ugh, you're impossible to scare. I'm outta here!" Buck yelled.

Emma felt dizzy and she collapsed. She woke up next to the pump. "Ohno, don't tell me I still have to solve the puzzle!" She stood up and turned to the waterfall. It was still flowing but then she spotted another path up the hill. "Ah son of a b**ch!" She headed towards the path.

Quite a while later she reached the top of the hill. There was a small house there, plus there was a stupid statue outside it. Emma just went straight inside, she bumped straight into a fat guy.

"Hey, you can't just barge into people's houses," the guy said angrily.

"Um... that's nice. Got any starchart thingy's?" Emma asked.

The guy rolled his eyes, "not another traveller. I'm sorry but I can't just give it to any old person who comes to the door."

"Who will you give it to?" Emma asked.

"Anyone who can beat me in a drinking contest of course. Anyone who can't match me isn't worthy by a mile," the guy replied.

"Really? What booze have you got?" Emma asked.

"Oh come on, you won't last through one mouthful, you're just a girl," the guy laughed. Emma glared at him with a scary look in her eye. "Oh fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. No one has beaten me yet, in fact no one has gotten through the first glass."

"Have you?" Emma muttered.

"No actually," the guy replied, looking nervous.

"God, this'll be easy," Emma said.

"Sit down then and get ready to be beaten. Remember the first to finish the glass wins," the guy said.

"What? Do you think this is my first drinking contest or something?" Emma said angrily. She sat down at a nearby table.

"Hey I like you," the guy said. He put down two glasses of what was supposed to be a drink. "Ready, go!"

The pair started drinking from the cups. Emma cringed at the taste, when the guy wasn't looking she tossed the contents of the cup over her shoulder. "Ha, beat you!"

The guy put down his cup looking rather drunk. "Woah, you're my kinda girl. Wanna go out sometime?"

"Eeew, no.. I have better things to do," Emma replied, looking rather disgusted.

"So.. why am I here again?" the guy asked.

Emma smiled slyly, "we were having a drinking contest. Since I won I get the starchart piece, any good knives you have and some Cherry Coke."

"Ookay then, but I don't know what Cherry Coke is," the guy said.

"Hurry up and get me the stuff," Emma ordered.

"OK!" the guy shouted drunkenly. He fell out of the chair and started crawling away.

"You know I think I should get the knives," Emma muttered. The guy suddenly disappeared as a hole appeared in the floor. "And all this stuff too," Emma said quietly as she took some stuff from the table.

Craig looked up at the tall posh mansion he was standing in front. When he looked back down he came face to face with Buck! "Holy crap, will you stop doing that!"

Buck raised his hands to his head, he then took it off to reveal someone else's head. "Gee, chill out. It's only a costume."

"Um.. right, I knew that," Craig said nervously.

"Sorry, only people in fancy dress can come in," the woman said.

"What about the invitation bit?" Craig asked.

"Who am I, the programmer? Just put a costume on," the woman replied.

The Enterprise, Lena's Ready Room:
Lena was standing near the window staring at the planet in orbit. The door chimed. "Yeah."

Kevin and James came into the room, both dragging Craig in who was wearing a really awful looking kilt. They pushed him just lightly, but since it was those two the force still made him fall onto the ground.

Lena turned around, "was that really necessary?"

"Didn't mean to.. hey how you doing?" Kevin said in a flirty voice. James got a tight hold of his ear, he started squealing like girl. "Oh my god, get off you moron!" James eventually let go of him. Kevin started rubbing his sore ear. "Let me guess, you were a bully at school."

"Let me guess, you were a girl tormenter at school," James said.

"You two shut up and get out," Lena ordered as she came over to the guys.

"Don't you remember the last time you were left in the same room as him?" James asked.

"Yeah, I'm not a damsel in distress. I can handle it if he tries it again," Lena replied.

"Hey, you can be my damsel in distress," Kevin said in his flirty tone. James and Lena grabbed a hold of different ears, once again he squealed like a girl. They let go of him. "Ok, I'm going. You know I could easily kick both of your butts."

"Prove it another day, Kev.." Lena muttered.

"You could prove it now if you want," James said.

"Sure, sounds fun. Just no more ear pinching," Kevin said.

Lena rolled her eyes, "no blood please. The ship's just been cleaned." James and Kevin headed out.

Craig pulled himself to his feet, "really?"

"No. Now can you tell me why you stole a piece of technology from that mansion?" Lena asked.

"It's a quarter of a starchart that'll tell us where the gate is," Craig replied.

"What gate?" Lena asked.

"The gate to Malain," Craig replied.

"Why do we need the gate to Malain?" Lena asked.

"Lisa and Nikki are there of course," Craig replied.

"Just checking there wasn't any other motive. I mean if this is a basic rescue operation, why go behind my back?" Lena said.

"I dunno, the last parody of Monkey Island we did it on our own," Craig said.

"Oh for god's sake, can we at least try to make the episode more original?" Lena said.

"Look Lena, just give back the chart. There's no reason why you shouldn't. The only reason I can think of is that you hate me right now," Craig said.

"Oh gee, how did you work that one out?" Lena said sarcastically.

"We really need the chart piece Lena, can we sort out our relationship later?" Craig asked.

"Wow, Craig Anderson is putting a rescue mission before his ex girlfriend. There's something you don't see everyday," Lena said.

"Do you want to.." Craig started to ask.

"No way in hell Craig. We were a mistake so let's just leave it," Lena said.

A lightbulb switched on inside Craig's head, he tried his best to look cute. "But life without you is an endless nightmare."

"Good.. that'll teach you a lesson," Lena said.

Craig thought, "wow, thought that would work, keep talking."

"If I can't even be friends with you I don't want to live," Craig said.

"Oh please," Lena groaned.

"Can't you see how my heart has suffered?" Craig asked as he tried to look in pain.

"Not the most stupid thing you've ever said, but still stupid," Lena muttered.

Craig thought, "damn it, try a different approach."

Craig looked nervous, "um you're cute when you're pretending to be mad."

"Do you want to be Scabbia's second satellite?" Lena muttered.

"Please Lena give me a second chance," Craig said, sounding pathetically saddened.

Lena rolled her eyes, "god you're so pathetic. But I guess that's why I chose to date you in the first place. I didn't look as pathetic then."

"Um does that mean I can have the starchart piece?" Craig asked.

"What happened to you Craig? Yes I know that finding Lisa and Nikki is important, but I doubt the others have found another piece and I doubt they ever will. Do you even care anymore?" Lena asked.

"Of course I do it's just.." Craig stuttered.

"Oh well if this worthless piece of crap means that much to you then.." Lena said as she put a commbadge on a small piece of technology.

"What are you doing?" Craig asked nervously.

Lena fiddled with a nearby console and the device beamed away. Craig saw it rematerilise outside the window. "Go get it boy," Lena said.

"Are you kidding I can't go out there," Craig said in panic.

"Well we've got a bit of a problem now don't we," Lena said sweetly.

Craig saw the device go into the planet's atmosphere so he rushed out of the room.

A rundown shop in the middle of town:
Harry strolled through the main door. Inside was a load of junk, a scrawny looking guy and a parrot. Harry went over to the storekeeper. "Hi, do you have the starchart to the gate?"

"Yep, but it'll cost you one million pieces. But I could trade with you, there's this.." the guy replied but Harry just shot him. He picked up the memory chip thing and headed out.

"No puzzles for me," Harry muttered as he left the store.

Meanwhile in some creepy graveyard:
Evil C pushed the creaky gates open, he briefly glanced down at an old piece of paper he had. He then headed towards a crypt. Inside it was very dark, and there were open coffins everywhere. Evil C looked around and he eventually spotted the one he wanted. He used a crowbar that had been left behind by a previous grave robber. Inside was a pile of dust.

Evil C opened up a small jar, don't ask where he got it from, and he poured the contents over the dust. Magically the dust turned into a half decomposed guy.

"Woah, this isn't my house," the guy said.

"Erm, hi... if you're wondering you're dead," Evil C said.

"Oh crap, why did it have to happen now. I left the gas on," the guy groaned.

"Erm... do you have a starchart memory chip?" Evil C asked.

"Yes I do, I have it in my pocket. You can have it if you turn the gas off at my house. It's just the house near the beach, you can't miss it," the guy replied.

"Um, ok," Evil C said. He left the crypt, then he went straight back in. "I did it."

"Woah that was quick. Here you go, and thanks," the guy said. He handed Evil C a memory chip. Then he turned back into dust.

Evil C left the crypt again. As he did there was a huge explosion nearby, body parts and building debris landed nearby. "Oops," Evil C muttered. He continued on his way like nothing ever happened.

In: "Anderson to the rest of the awayteam. Can you meet me at the town centre, we have a problem."

Evil C shrugged and he went in a different direction to before.

The town centre:
Craig, Harry, Emma and Evil C all were standing outside a costume store nearby the bay. "Then she beamed it into space," Craig was saying.

"Why the hell did she do that?" Harry asked angrily.

"Because she thought it would be impossible to find all the other pieces," Craig replied.

"Well she was wrong, I got one of the chips," Emma said.

"Me too," Evil C and Harry said.

"Great, so all we need to do is get the one that went into the atmosphere. It could of landed anywhere," Craig said.

"Well we've got a bit of a problem haven't we..." Harry groaned.

Meanwhile the small guy was wandering around outside the town, nearby was his transwarp shuttle. He spotted a flaming hole in the ground nearby. When he got to it he noticed the final memory chip at the bottom. He picked it up looking smug.

He headed towards the town, he then caught sight of the awayteam. A lightbulb came on in his head, that happens a lot in this episode doesn't it?

"Ah hah, the ball's in Ralzo's court now," the small guy sniggered. Right on cue a football came flying towards him and hit him right where it hurts.

Emma looked around, "hey where did my ball go?"

"I think it went over there, I'll get it," Harry replied. He headed towards where Ralzo was.

"Wait a minute, isn't that my ball?" Craig asked. Emma tried to look innocent. Craig ran after Harry.

Ralzo hid behind a nearby wall. Craig got to the ball first and he picked it up. Harry came over to his side looking teed off. "I think I went after it first."

Ralzo jumped out holding a gun. "I think it hit me first." He cringed, "undo it.. undo it. I think I found this chip first." He pulled out the chip with his available hand.

"No, the fourth chip," Craig said.

"Haha, I told you you were out of your league," Ralzo said.

"Uh huh, well I know what to do with you," Harry said as held up his phaser. Craig rolled his eyes.

"He has a gun," Craig muttered.

"No, it's a banana.. you fool," Ralzo said sarcastically.

"Really, that'll do," Harry said. He tried to fire the phaser but nothing happened. "No! The phaser has ran out of power!"

"Finally, it seems like all of life puzzles are solved by phasers," Craig muttered.

"You're coming with me, my boss will be happy to see you," Ralzo said.

"Who's your boss, the Pokémon Narrator?" Craig sniggered.

"Actually he's my other boss and.. hey wait a minute!" Ralzo snapped. Craig and Harry pointed at him and laughed, for no apparent reason of course. "Aw shut up, get in my shuttle now!" They all headed towards Ralzo's shuttle.

What Ralzo, Craig and Harry didn't know was that Emma and Evil C were watching from where they were. "It's about time," Evil C muttered.

Emma raised her eyebrow, "huh? What do you mean? We need to sneak aboard that shuttle thing."

"Oh fine, it's something to do," Evil C muttered. He and Emma rushed over to the shuttle.

Several hours later Ralzo's shuttle arrives at the moon of Malain. Evil C and Emma had to....

"Oh shut the hell up, I don't want anyone to know what we had to eat!" Emma yelled.

Fine. Meanwhile Harry Kim and that Brock wannabe have been suffering an unimaginable time in Ralzo's jail..

"Pick up two," Ralzo sniggered.

Harry smiled, he put down a two of clubs. "Pick up four!"

"No!" Craig screamed. He picked up four cards.

After Ralzo put down another card, Harry put down another two. "Pick up another two."

"Ah ha, I have a two now," Craig said as he put down the last two.

"Damn you b***ard!" Ralzo screamed. He picked up four cards.

Emma and Evil C were both wandering around repetitive corridors looking rather lost. They eventually got to a very tall door that was bolted shut. Emma stamped her foot, she threw one of the voodoo dolls onto the floor.

Meanwhile again:
Vulpix and Raichu were having a really thrilling game of Worms when they both heard a couple of large bangs. "NOT AGAIN!" Marill yelled.

"Should we phone an ambulance, I told you she was a danger to herself," Raichu asked.

"Um yeah but the phone's all the way in the other room," Vulpix groaned.

"Good point," Raichu said.

Vulpix smiled evilly as she pressed the space bar. A few seconds later there was a catastrophe on the screen.

"No, you b**ch!" Raichu squeaked.

"It's not so bad, I killed some of my worms too," Vulpix said.

"But.. but you killed my worm called Cherry," Raichu whimpered.

"Oh... sorry," Vulpix muttered.

Marill stumbled into the room looking more beat up than usual. "What are you two doing?"

Vulpix and Raichu glanced nervously at each other. "Um, playing Worms," Vulpix replied.

"Huh, the nerve of it. I have suffered migraine attacks, fell down the stairs twice, plus the cat decided to moan for food while I lay on a couple of stairs. When I come back upstairs I see you two skiving off work.." Marill said angrily.

"We're not skiving," Vulpix said. Raichu quickly exited the current game.

"Oh stop hiding it, of course you are.... Can I join you?" Marill asked.

Vulpix and Raichu sighed in relief. "Wow, I thought you were mad cos we weren't doing work," Raichu said.

"Well I must admit I was pretty annoyed that nobody asked if I was ok when I fell down the stairs. But I just remind myself that no one gives a toss anyway," Marill said.

Raichu and Vulpix glanced at each other again looking worried. "Oh great, she's in that mood again," Vulpix muttered.

"Uh huh," Raichu nodded.

"Soooo, three player huh?" Vulpix said quickly.

"Ok!" Marill said, more cheerfully than before.

Back at the moon:
Emma and Evil C were busy trying to open the door. Emma lost her temper again and she threw one of the other dolls at it. It went straight through what looked like a cat flap. Emma and Evil C stared at it for several seconds before going through it.

They both found themselves in what looked like a throne room. "I remember this, don't go over to the throne or you'll.." Evil C started to say.

It was too late, Emma was near the throne. A Cherry Coke bottle was on the arm rest. Evil C rushed over to get her away but a cage went around them. "Damn it, my mum did say there's no such thing as free Cherry Coke." Emma shrugged and she grabbed the bottle anyway.

Ralzo came into the room laughing his head off. "I knew you would fall for that. By the way, that's actually diet coke with lemon."

Evil C glanced at Emma who was cringing. "It tastes like p***."

"What the hell's your problem Ralzo, what does your boss want from us?" Evil C asked.

"Which one? Pokémon Narrator wants to be the Fifth Voyager narrator, and Buck just wants revenge," Ralzo replied.

"Of course, Buck. Where is he?" Evil C asked.

"He's just putting something on to scare Emma. He wouldn't tell me what," Ralzo replied.

Emma and Evil C looked really scared or freaked out, could be either. Ralzo turned around looking confused. He screamed like a girl. Buck had come in wearing a pink tutu.

"This is not in my size!" Buck complained.

"Remind me never to complain about the crossdressing James in Pokémon ever again," Emma said.

"Can't.. I'm going to kill myself," Evil C said.

"Me too," Ralzo muttered.

"Shut up or I'll do it for you. Oh wait, I was going to anyway," Buck said.

"Please do it quickly," Emma and Evil C said.

"I will, anything to get out of the room," Ralzo stuttered. He pressed a button, he and the cage beamed away.

"Hmm, it works. I'm scary and unstoppable. Mwahahahahahaha!" Buck laughed. He looked in a conveniently placed mirror, he smiled. "Hey, this doesn't look that bad."

Harry, Emma, Craig and Evil C were all hanging above a huge pot of hot water. There were lots of other junk on the ground, including Ralzo. He was busy explaining how the candle on the other side of the room will cause the four to fall into the water. Long story, won't explain it.

"Any questions?" Ralzo asked.

"Yeah, how are kids made?" Craig asked, just to annoy Ralzo of course.

"You'll never know, pal," Harry replied.

"Anymore questions?" Ralzo asked.

"Is there a Mummy 3?" Emma asked.

"Has the Popstars, Pop Idol and Fame Academy faze gone now?" Evil C asked.

"Will the writers ever stop writing me like I'm some angst guy?" Harry asked.

"Will Lena ever be nice to me?" Craig asked.

Just then the guy from the park ran in, still grinning. "I need to go to the toilet!"

"The answer to all of those questions is no, right I'm going to go," Ralzo said.

"Wait, this is a decent question. Why don't you just shoot the ropes that are holding us up? It'll be a lot easier," Evil C asked.

"Um well you see, you're supposed to escape so I've got to leave you long enough for you to do that. Oh shoot, did I say that?" Ralzo replied. He stormed out of the room.

Hahahaha, you're not going to escape from this. You're all going to die

How will our heroes escape this one? Find out next time

Hey Pokémon Narrator, get out of here!

Well it looks like Harry is seeing red. Emma's feeling blue. Craig looks a bit green. Orange you dying to find out what happens next?

Aaarrrrrgghhhh, die die die!

"Ok we know the writers have totally cracked when they have two narrators fighting, a guy in a tutu and are skitting another computer game," Emma said.

"Yeah, but that narrator was right. I do feel a bit pukey," Craig muttered.

"Oh great, does anyone want to swap places with me?" Emma asked.

Suddenly the candle went out, a whole load of stuff happened which caused the ropes to burn. All four fell to their deaths.

Back to the present:
"I don't think I'm going to believe that," Lena said.

"Aaaaw, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say how I saved the others in a very heroic fashion," Craig said.

Lena rolled her eyes in disgust. "You never give up do you. Here you are about to fall down a rather deep hole and you're still trying to chat me up."

"I wasn't trying to chat you up, I was trying to impress you," Craig muttered.

"Same thing," Lena said.

"Oh fine. I'll tell you what really happened. The two narrators started to fight so I suggested to use it to our advantage," Craig said.

Back in the torture chamber:
"Maybe we could use their fight to our advantage," Craig said.

"Um, how exactly?" Emma asked.

"Narrators can do anything they want, catch my drift," Craig replied.

"Oh come on. One of the narrators wants us dead, the other one just concentrates on being cheesy," Evil C said.

"No, all we have to do is root for one side. That way the narrator we rooted for will start to like us, then it'll let us go," Craig said.

"Oh yeah, who can suck up that bad for this to work?" Harry asked. Emma, Evil C and Craig looked his way. "What, I'm not a suck up!"

"I can't suck up, neither can he. Plus Craig can only suck up to Lena," Emma said.

"Yeah.... wait a minute," Craig said.

"Fine, this'll kill me but fine," Harry grumbled.

"Not doing it will kill you too," Evil C pointed out.

"Shut up," Harry muttered.

"Go on," Craig said quietly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Go Narrator, kick that Pokémon guy's a**."

Already have done, but thanks for cheering for me. Now hurry up and die

"Um, hearing that other narrator really made me realise how good a narrator you are," Harry said.

Oh please, you should have realised it before

"You're right, I should have. Anyway why are you a narrator? I bet you're really good looking," Harry said with disgust in his voice.

That's a good point. I've wasted my life. What should I do?

"Why should I tell you, you want us all dead," Harry said.

Ok ok, if you give me guidance I'll get you of this mess

"Try auditioning for Pop Idol or something. Most of the voters do vote just for looks," Evil C suggested.

Yasmin, Sandi and Kevin appeared out of nowhere. Yasmin and Kevin looked rather teed off. "Hey, I can sing. I'll show you," Kevin said.

"I'd sing but I really can't be arsed," Yasmin said.

"I don't care. Cookies anyone?" Sandi said sweetly. Everyone developed sweatdrops at the side of their heads.

The Evil one is right, Pop Idol is the answer. Right I'll get you out. The four fell into the water but it had already cooled down to a safe temperature

"Hey, who put carrots in here?" Craig asked.

"Come on, we'd better go," Sandi said.

"Just a sec," Kevin said. He went over to Yasmin. "Hey, how you doin'?"

Yasmin giggled. "You're a Slayer aren't ya? Are you evil?"

"If that's what you want then..." Kevin started to say but Sandi grabbed his ear.

"We have to go back," Sandi said, still trying to sound sweet. She, Kevin and Yasmin disappeared.

The present:
"Soo, what happened after that?" Lena asked. Harry, Evil C and Emma were now on the scene. They were trying to pull the rope that Craig was hanging on.

"We ended up in this room filled with explosives. Harry accidentally set them off after he fixed his phaser. The next thing I remember I was here," Craig replied.

"I thought it was still dead, ok," Harry said.

Suddenly the rope give way and the whole group fell down the hole. Lena glanced around looking nervous. "Ok, I didn't see that one coming."

The four then found themselves in a dark corridor. What a few of them didn't know was that Buck was standing nearby, still in his tutu.

"Ow, I landed on my butt," Craig groaned.

"Oh yeah, well I landed with a view," Emma stuttered. Craig, Evil C and Harry turned to see what her view was. Of course it was Buck.

"So you escaped me again. Well not anymore. I have this!" Buck shouted as he pulled out a voodoo doll.

"Hey that's the one I threw through the cat flap. I was wondering where it disappeared to," Emma said.

"Really?" Evil C said questioningly.

"Nah," Emma said.

Buck stabbed the voodoo doll with a needle, he screamed like a girl when he did. He dropped the doll, it rolled over to the four.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Craig asked.

"No, I never think of Lena in that way," Harry replied.

"No I wasn't thinking of her," Craig muttered. He knelt down and he picked the doll up. He then started twisting and bending the doll, as he did this Buck did the same positions as the doll. Eventually he collapsed onto the ground. His arm fell off, then that dog from Harry & Craig's dream came over and stole the arm.

"Aaarkk, come closer," Buck groaned.

"Not when you're wearing that tutu," Emma said.

"You don't understand, I'm your brother," Buck stuttered.

"Huh? James, is that you?" Emma said in confusment. She thought about it for a while. "Wait a minute, my brother is still alive. I think."

"Damn it. Craig, I am your brother," Buck said.

"Nice try, I don't have one," Craig said.

"Um, Harry?" Buck said questioningly.

"Nope, only child," Harry replied.

"Let's go," Evil C said. He and the others walked away. They went out of some doors and they found themselves in the theme park.

"Oooh, brain freeze," Lisa moaned. Suddenly she went back to her usual self. Nikki grabbed the ice cream off her, she ate some of it. She went back to normal too.

"All right, now I can get a hold of those guys," Nikki said.

Lena came out of the door looking really freaked out. "Why is that dead guy wearing a tutu? Doesn't he think him being dead is bad enough for me?"

"Wait a minute Lena, how did you get here?" Harry asked.

"I came down the hole using the rope I was on of course," Lena replied.

"No, how did you get to Malain?" Harry asked.

"Oh the Enterprise scanned for the gate, that one was not very well hidden as Abatua's was," Lena replied.

Harry, Craig, Evil C and Emma collapsed. "Why didn't you tell me that you were scanning for it?" Craig asked.

Lena smiled evilly, "cos I'm cruel and I needed revenge."

"Great. Just because Craig decided to try and get back with Lena in the last episode, we had to waste our energy to find a starchart when we could of waited for the Enterprise to find the bloody gate," Harry said.

"Yeah well thats what you get when you try to take matters into your own hands," Lena said.

"Come on, let's go back before I end up going on that roller coaster," Evil C said.

"But that one's train goes off the track half way through," Nikki said.

"I see that, but you didn't see Buck in that tutu," Evil C said.

"No! That reminds me, we have to pass him again!" Emma moaned.

"Oh god, it can't be that bad," Lisa muttered. She led the way, everyone heard her scream. "I wish I would stop saying that, I can't believe I used to date that guy!"

"Oh come on, you'd date James from Pokémon if he actually got over his fear of girls," Emma muttered.

"Haha, yeah right," Lisa said. She turned to Nikki briefly and she mouthed, "oh I would."

The next day, the Mess Hall:
Emma and Evil C were sitting at one of the tables. Emma had the last remaining voodoo doll in her hands. She threw it to the ground. "We'll never find out who that one is for," she muttered.

"Yeah," Evil C said.

Just then a portal opened nearby. Some scruffy looking guy stepped out of it, he picked up the doll. "I was wondering where I had lost that." He went back into the portal.

Emma and Evil C glanced at each other. "I have a feeling who that doll is for," Emma said.

"Whatever," Evil C said as the portal closed. Emma shrugged, she started to down Cherry Coke as she and Evil C watched a couple of people put Christmas decorations up.

"Isn't it only November?" Emma said questioningly.

"Uh huh," Evil C replied.

"Ok," Emma said.

Is this the end of the Monkey Island parodies? Is this the start of Roller Coaster Tycoon skits? Will we actually stop writing Harry the way we do? Who was the guy who took the Marill voodoo doll? Why were there Monkey Island 3 skits in a Monkey Island 2 parody? Will that guy ever get to the toilet? And is there going to be a Mummy 3*?
Find out the answers to most of these questions in the next installment of Fifth Voyager!


****THE END****

*2007 note: Yes I know, there is a Mummy 3. I wish I hadn't asked now.