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And so marks the end of Ensign See You Soon Harry, at last. Too bad about that Craig boy, I had great plans for him. Oh I had a delicious shippers war to stir up. Everyone loves a ship turn.

"Oh god it stinks in here," Craig complained.

Harry groaned very impatiently, "yes, and now that I'm hearing it for the twentieth time I have now noticed it!"

Oh. Well anyway. Now that the Pox has spread throughout the system, it is only a matter of time. It won't be long until I make an amazing cameo that'll knock your socks off. Any minute now.

PART 3: Chair of the Leviathan

Harry's plain face hid well his lack of patience and utter confusion. Craig wasn't fooled though, he nervously waited in baited breath for the fireworks.

"Can someone explain to me how, just how, did I end up here?" Harry asked calmly in between teeth grinding.

He got a overdramatic oooophh in response. "No, that's incorrect. The answer I was looking for was eating nachos in the cinema," a very pale, almost white alien man said, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

Harry scowled down at him from his floating cage, but he saved his worst one for his neighbour. "You do what? You make me sick."

His neighbour gasped in offense, "how dare you talk to your wife like that!?" Tiffany snapped.

Craig struggled not to laugh, which didn't help keep Harry's temper reigned in. He gripped the bars and tried to shake them free. It only shook his cage a little, making him squeamish. "I'm not playing along with this fake marriage charade just because this guy's insecure, not that I blame him. I mean who dresses like a William Shakespeare wannabe?"

The alien glanced at Craig in obvious confusion. He snickered first before looking over and shrugging. The old fashioned, almost bloated clothing of the alien coupled with Harry's insult nearly made him lose all composure. "He's crazy. They're matchmade, blah etc. So I'm curious, this girlfriend you think he's stolen from you, what's her name?"

"Voodoo Lady," the alien replied as if it were obvious.

Craig's face turned blank in an instant. "Is that short or long for something, Voodoodad or Voo?"

Harry rolled his eyes, they were getting tired by this point. "For god's sake. I only met her once and she told me to find you. We're only interested in this Pamo doodad which cures this Pox of Dumbassness. That's why I have your locket." Harry waived the locket the Voodoo Lady gave him, Craig grimaced as he got a good look at the two photos of her and the alien man inside it. "And to be honest I don't really care about that at the moment, cos let's face it I'm more worried about the being eaten by some space whale thing. Yes I know, my priorities are skewed but hey, that's me!" he ended up shouting.

The alien narrowed his eyes suspiciously toward him, then leaned to one side to whisper to Craig. "Your friend talks too much." He cleared his throat while raising a card. "Now Tiffany, your turn. What did your husband say was his biggest passion?"

Tiffany smiled proudly, "shooting fools in his way, obviously." She beamed toward Harry, he glared at her back.

Craig snickered again. "If only you knew the answer would probably be holo playdates with Tom."

Harry's scorn was directed at him instead. His arms gestured wildly around them to his surroundings; a gloopy, smelly and very brown fleshy looking room which occasionally groaned like anyone's bowels after eating Neelix's infamous broth. "Craig, focus! Big whale and ship being digested first, hypocritical making fun of sadness later."

"Hey, I have you know my social life and circle is just great, I have friends and..." Craig gloated badly.

"You're the pity friend of someone that hates and barely tolerates other guys, only because you fancy all of his girl friends who you never have a hope in hell with," Harry said equally as smugly. Then he turned to the woman in the neighbouring floating cage, "he also names his PADD Craigslist. No one has the heart to tell him."

The alien man shook his head as he pulled on a nearby lever. The two cages opened and tumbled to the ground at the same time, which was fortunately only a few feet below them. Craig looked on confused, but still more offended than anything. "What did you do that for?" he asked.

"You two losers are way out of my VooVoo's league," the alien muttered in disgust. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still keeping my eye on you boys. Fancy sending you two to do my puzzles. I bet she's only doing it to make me jealous as punishment for being away so long."

Harry groaned painfully from the floor but still managed to shakily put his fingers up at him.

"So wait, how long have you been inside this space whale?" Craig asked.

"Oh not long, not long," the alien replied with a friendly smile. "Just a few years, my boy. Now, we haven't been introduced. My name is Coco Decaff."

Craig bit his lip, "oh boy, Janeway would love you."

Harry stumbled toward them. "Hold the comm. You're mad at me because we're doing all these stupid puzzles in your place? And this Voodoo Lady is the one behind this torture?"

Coco growled, which made his fluffy moustache flutter in the breeze. "Why of course. I was her knight in shining armour. She'd always tell me about some great evil, give me great tips on how to beat it, and we'd celebrate our victory with an evening of fine wine and fun..."

Craig and Harry shuddered in revulsion. While Harry was too sick to say anything, Craig managed to stutter out, "so what kind of puzzle got you into the belly of a ship eating leviathan, and how do we get out?"

"You expect him to know the last part?" Harry snapped through his dry heaving.

"Why, I was searching for the fabled Pamo de Plato," Coco replied proudly while puffing out his chest. "My Vooboo has longed for its cleansing power for quite some time. I thought I'd surprise her for her birthday."

"Which one?" Harry asked flippantly. Craig elbowed him and gestured his eyes as a hint. Harry clearly didn't get it and elbowed him back, but harder. "Fine, you do that. We're leaving."

He tried to hand the open locket over to the alien. As soon as Coco clasped it, his thumb pressed what Harry thought had been the locket's lock mechanism. It glowed purple and static shocked the alien. Strangely he didn't seem bothered by it, or so the pair thought. When he looked back at them they noticed the pupils in his eyes had grown freakishly huge. Then he spoke, which freaked them out even further. "Kim, Anderson," the Voodoo Lady's voice boomed from him. "Don't tell him what you're looking for or who sent you. He thinks of himself as my champion and will be very jealous of anyone I'm working with."

"Gee, thanks for the warning!" Harry groaned.

Craig rapidly glanced between him and Coco/Voodoo Lady so much it made him a little dizzy. "What is happening? What is that thing?"

"Oh, you've told him already. This is bad. Here," Coco/Voodoo mumbled as he/she handed the locket to Craig. His bad hand decided it wanted it and shot out to snatch it. Coco then looked at him with a frown. "What's the matter?" he asked in his normal voice.

"Um er, nothing. Nothing at all," Craig badly improvised. He looked at Harry for help but he was still seething about the Voodoo Lady's very late warning. "If you'll excuse us, we need to figure out how to escape this whale."

Coco clicked his tongue twice and shook his head. "Why? We are nowhere near our destination yet."

Harry closed his eyes, the lids shuddered along with him. "Come again?"

"The mouth shall lead you to the plato," Coco said dramatically with a flourished hand flick. Neither men or Tiffany were impressed. Neither was he after seeing their reaction, he huffed impatiently. "Only this species knows where it is hidden, for its planet is its mating grounds."

"But you've been here for years! And why couldn't we simply follow it?" Craig whined.

His despair was clouded by Harry's painful laughter. "That's the part you focus on? Clearly this thing is a bachelor by choice. Now if you were the whale, we'd have been there and kicked out by now." Craig fake laughed in his direction. He tried to turn his back on him but the bad hand thought slapping Harry was more effective.

"Ohno, the poor mite has been flying in circles after he got an inner ear infection," Coco chuckled. Harry's hand instinctively went to his pocket. The motion brought him to tears. Coco nodded as if in agreement. "Yes it is very sad."

"Since this thing likes to eat ships, surely something in here can be used to treat it. Maybe some stomach juice olive oil substitute will clear it up," Craig said far from enthusiastically.

Coco grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him over so the tips of their noses were touching. "You listen here boy, I'm the puzzle master. Get your own gimmick."

"Um okay," Craig squeaked once he was let go. "I can see why you work alone."

"Hmph, how dare you. I was aided by the finest hired crew money could provide," Coco snarled. "Show some respect for the dead."

"Dead?" Harry said with disinterest.

Coco glowered at him. "Yes. Devoured by the creature, along with the ship." He pointed behind them toward a gaping hole, which they then realised all the noises like the groans were coming from. Harry swore he heard a burp but shrugged that off as a weird alien whale thing. "I managed to slip away from that fate. I can still hear the screams. The beast hasn't been the same since then, one of them must've gave it the infection. What a way to die."

"Wait, this isn't the stomach?" Craig asked hopefully.

"Of course not. We're still in the mouth," Coco groaned.

Harry was about to say something but was momentarily distracted by what he thought were drums being played down the hole. No one else reacted to it so he assumed he was imagining it. "So, dead crew made the whale ill?"

"Yes. Dead, now stop poking the wound," Coco whimpered.

Harry, Craig and Tiffany stared ahead of them, two out of three in disbelief. Harry though looked more amused than anything. "So, dead crew huh?" he muttered.

While there was nothing but a fleshy slope behind them, what lay ahead looked nothing like the stomach of a gigantic space whale. Most of it had been covered by parts of a spaceship, ripped into three room sized pieces. Three slobby men with overgrown hair were habiting each of them, seemingly blissfully unaware of where they were despite the stench of stomach acid.

"To be fair, one of them's dead," Craig said, pointing at the closest ship section. Harry and Tiffany looked and spotted the man there trying to toast to a skeleton sitting in a chair, somehow managing to grasp a pint glass.

"I thought the Escape part was supposed to be the weirdest," Harry said and sighed. "I'm going to have to look around for items, hopefully there will be a giant syringe sitting around. You two talk to the locals. We'll worry about getting out of the whale once it finds Makeout Point."

Craig stepped forward on his tiptoes with a cringe on his face. The squelching deepened his cringe. "Wait a minute. Since when do you volunteer for the item collection? You hate the puzzles."

Harry's eyes shifted nervously, they landed on Tiffany looking at him expectantly. "I'm not armed," he regretfully replied in a whisper.

"Oh," Craig laughed until Harry's narrowing eyes were almost closed. "Then as the Captain and the only one who bothers to do this right, might I suggest that you talk to the locals and I item hunt."

"Normally I'd tell you to shove off with this Captain crap, but... I do hate these increasingly stupid not harder puzzles," Harry said, instantly suspicious. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Craig smiled, "I just thought that without a phaser, you're going to need muscle to convince people. She's your fan so..." He wandered off, still on his tiptoes and back to wincing with every step, leaving Harry behind with Tiffany.

Harry muttered insults under his breath until he ran out, then ground his teeth instead. Tiffany chirpily grinned at him, "so who do we shoot first?"

"I'm Kruked Gaw," one of the locals said in a gruff voice. Harry was already twitching since he didn't even bother to turn around and face them. Instead he was more interested in a makeshift punching bag which made a water shaking sound everytime he hit it.

"Yes well, I'm..." Harry tried to say diplomatically but his jaw was very clenched.

The man finally did turn around after a tenth punchbag smack. "Not welcome here in our haven. Get lost."

Harry's anger fizzled away, he burst into obnoxious laughter. "You call this pit haven? Okay. I'll tell you what, I'd be glad to get lost... even though we technically already are," he ended up muttering. "If you help me find a way to get this whale to its destination."

"Why would I want to do that?" Kruked snarled rudely.

The anger tide rushed in, leaving none of his amused mood left behind. "I just told you why," Harry trembled.

Tiffany folded her arms and rolled her eyes, "just shoot him, Harry."

"Nuh uh. We reach the Pamo de Plato and that lunatic up there will put an end to our blissful existence," Kruked said. Definitely on cue a hole in the stomach wall nearby spurted green liquid all over the roof of his shiproom. Of course sprinkles of it hit Harry in the face so he spent two minutes wiping it off with a grim look on his face.

"He thinks you're dead. If you want to be dissolved, believe me, nobody is going to get in your way," Harry grumbled.

"Oh here it comes," Tiffany giggled.

Harry looked over his shoulder at her in despair, then back again. "He'll leave, we'll leave and you can continue making this whale wonder why it always has heartburn."

"Yeah right. You think it's a coincidence that the whale got sick after it swallowed us?" Kruked sneered. Harry tried to calculate how in the minus his will to live was, since he swore he lost it already and yet felt it building up once again. Kruked then shoved a fleshy blob in his face, making him instead ready to lose his very little dinner. "Without its cochlea, the whale will never find the wretched plato. And only members of our crew are allowed to own it."

"Oh, I feel I know where this is going," Harry said in between gags.

"Wait, if you have a part of the whale's inner ear, how did you get it when you've only ever been to the mouth and stomach?" Craig meanwhile asked the guy bunking with a skeleton.

The man stared gormlessly at him for far too long. Craig took that opportunity to rob him of any items not glued down. Even then he still had to wait for him to answer. "Whale juice dude?" he said, slowly raising his pint glass as if to offer it. Craig's eyes widened as far as they would go, but still wanted to go further when the man downed the contents of the drink that smelled a lot like acid reflux.

"I'm just going to... um, go and go," Craig stuttered as he backed away. Doing so he didn't see a treasure chest behind him, he tripped over it and unfortunately landed in a small puddle. Despite the pain he jumped up to his feet again in a blind panic. He then struggled to get his now drenched jacket off as quickly as possible. Then he looked at what he tripped over and forgot all about it.

Harry meanwhile scrunched both his face and eyes, the latter drifted to one side. Tiffany stood behind him getting increasingly bored. Kruked stared intensely back at him with crooked eyes, a creepy forced smile with his tongue out. Several uncomfortable seconds later his face went back to normal. "Beat that if you can," he sneered.

"Oh, I don't think I can," Harry said.

"Hmph, all bark. If you can't beat me at Face Puller then you can not join my crew," Kruked snapped. He turned back to his punching bag.

Harry glanced behind him expectantly, Tiffany huffed in response. "Can I borrow your sword?" he asked.

"Can I borrow your phaser?" she retorted.

"Please?" Harry pleaded.

Tiffany scoffed, "you know, I'm starting to think the stories about you were exaggerated. And to think, I wasted all that money on Harry t-shirts. I'll never get my time at Planet Harry back."

"Uh..." Harry couldn't decide if he was angry or desperate, his face twitched from the confusion.

"Pfft, you'll have to come up with scarier faces than that to impress me," Kruked groaned.

Harry finally picked angry, "I'm not playing the poor attempt to surpass Insult Sword Fighting, cos with that face of yours I'll never win." Kruked made a hmph sound. "And can you regret fangirlling me after we're out of this whale?"

Tiffany didn't answer, she merely stomped off in a huff.

"So this is what hell looks like," Harry mumbled. He shook his head, "no. Craig somehow manages to do this crap. I've got to think like him, but not too much." He wandered off to a quieter spot so he could get lost in his thoughts. His arms folded, fist by his chin, his gaze fell to the floor. Since the floor was a pulsing yellow mass, he sidestepped to a stiller spot and started again.

One hour later

Harry hadn't budged an inch. If it weren't for his gradually getting angrier expression, anyone would think he had frozen on the spot.

Five minutes later

"Give me the (censored) cochlea you, (censored) fool!" Harry screeched, pointing his finger from inside his jacket pocket at Kruked.

He didn't even notice, he continued to punch the bag.

Another five minutes later

Harry studied a hole in the ground like nothing ever happened. It looked to him like a tunnel.

Half an hour later

"Nah!" Harry stomped off away from the hole to return to his thinking spot. Once more he adopted his thinking pose.

Twenty minutes later

Harry twitched as he forced a smile onto his face. "Why... yes..." he struggled to say nicely. "Your drum playing is... super awesome," he gagged the last part. "I dig it."

The third local grinned at the forced and fake compliment. He proceeded to rapidly tap on swollen lumps on the stomach wall with sticks. The only noise that came from them was the whale groaning in pain. The holes Harry had been looking at earlier churned, something vibrated beneath his feet. Harry's own stomach churned at the implication. Reluctantly he wandered back over to them.

Five minutes later

"Better," Kruked said plainly.

Covered in slimy goop and his usually gelled hair falling over his tired face, Harry stared at him with his eyes wide and sharp, his jaw visibly grinding from side to side.

"But you need to do more with the middle of your face, you look a little stiff," Kruked continued.

He was about to turn back around when Harry snapped and grabbed his arm to make sure he faced him again. Only that move ended up with him landing butt first into a green puddle. Kruked got back to his punchbagging.

"That's it," Harry said bitterly, on the verge of tears.

And then Kruked had a change of heart.

Harry's attention darted up at the familiar voice echoing around the stomach, eyes once again wide but in shock.

He thought it would be nice to expand his crew after all, and so allowed Harry and Craig to join them.

"Wha... what?" Harry stammered.

"I suppose I can't argue with that," Kruked said. He walked over to help Harry back to his feet. He smiled broadly at him, "welcome brother to the crew."

"I said, what?" Harry said. "That sounded nothing like the Narrator. He wouldn't help us either. What's..."

Craig wandered over casually just in time to see Kruked's hand reach around his own back, cueing squelching noises. Harry looked on in disgust. Finally the strange alien revealed the pus dripping item he couldn't remember why he wanted. He had to avert his eyes to avoid gagging again. Before taking it he made sure to take his uniform jacket off first and use it as makeshift gloves.

"Oh so that worked," Craig said uneasily, also looking away from it.

"Wait, that was you?" Harry said in realisation, only it made him far more confused. "How did you do that?"

The Voodoo Lady looked around her little cabin awkwardly, whimpering helplessly. "I... she can't move," she, or rather he said in Craig's voice.

Then she/he spotted strange tarot cards with cartoon versions of him and the others in front of them. "Oh well, got some time to kill," she/he said.

Harry looked on, more than a little confused. Craig shuddered far too many times. "I've been places no one should ever," he said reluctantly.

"You know," Harry blurted out, then thought about how to finish the sentence. "This game makes about as much sense as Memories of Fury."

"Actually it does," Craig said, gesturing to Harry to follow him. "Let's go."

The pair turned around to head for the sloped section they entered the stomach from. They started to walk through the first ship piece with the dazed guy and his skeletal friend.

"I can finally see you soon Harry," the Narrator's voice snickered at them, startling the remaining life out of Harry. Craig was oddly calm about it as if he didn't hear or expected it. "With my own two eyes."

Harry waited for his heart to stop beating multiple times in a second before swinging around to where he thought he heard the voice. To his further confusion all he saw was the skeleton. "Narrator, I thought... I thought we had a new one since they haven't tried to directly kill me."

The skeleton looked at him making him jump once again, it looked like it was frowning. "I know, it's a shame. The Voodoo Lady wench took my job and then dumped me into a chest where I've had to keep myself company for god knows how many years."

"Um, I have so many questions," Harry said tiredly. "Aren't you a disembodied voice, and you do know it's only been a few months since you last bugged me?"

The skeleton's jaw dropped a bit. "Well it certainly doesn't feel like it." He laughed sinisterly despite his mouth remaining in the same position, "do not underestimate the power of a narrator. No, actually do. I love watching you struggle."

"But..." Harry tried to object.

"Not him though. That fella freed me from that chest and gave me a body. I owed him one," the skeleton narrator said.

Craig chuckled nervously while Harry's pained expression pointing at him screamed traitor. "The swapping bodies pocket watch," Harry grumbled. "How did you know it was her narrating? I couldn't tell or recognise the voice at all."

"Oh Harry, don't bother," Craig said flippantly. "We both know I'm the brains of this team, while you're the out of character hothead who contributes little other than comic relief."

"That's odd. When did we swap?" Harry said curiously.

Craig fished the pocketwatch out his pocket, more than a little confused. "We didn't..."

Harry snatched it from his hands. "Thanks for opening my eyes there, Craigy."

"Mine are always open," skeleton narrator snickered.

Harry shuddered while Craig awkwardly grinned at him. "Hey, at least he can't mess with you anymore," he said, prompting another glare. "So, now that we have it, how do you plan to do this really delicate marine life surgery?"

"Watch and learn," Harry grumbled in response.

With the loudest squelch, the fleshy blob was pushed into a narrow hole in the roof of the mouth. Harry smiled smugly at it. He was about to climb down from the roof of the Nowe when it dropped down to the ground in front of Craig's feet.

"Maybe we need to find something sticky. Shouldn't be too..." he meekly said.

Harry ignored him, his gaze fell to Windfast and Tiffany. His smirk made Craig very worried.

The blob once more was forced into the narrow tunnel, only this time the person doing so kept their hands on it. The rest of the Nowe crew and Coco waited for anything to happen.

Coco scoffed after a few minutes of nothing. "You bunch of rookies, don't you know anything about adventuring? It won't work unless you Use it with something."

"Um, am I the only one who knows you can't just shove a body part back and expect it to work as before?" Tiffany grumbled.

"Well, he is Pushing the item," Craig said.

"Please, the Push and Pull commands are only there for show," Coco rolled his eyes.

Tiffany's brow furrowed as she glanced between them, then she looked up at Harry wobbling on the roof of the ship. With a glint in her eye and a smirk of her own, she slipped inside the ship without a word.

The whale squealed so loud the interior trembled. Harry couldn't hold it any longer and tumbled onto his back, the cochlea joined him a second later.

"The mouth has arrived at the Pamo de Plato. Well I be damned," Coco laughed.

"Great. So how do we get out of the mouth?" Craig asked.

Ten minutes later:
The Nowe drifted toward a massive gas giant, surrounded by a browny yellow froth dissipating into space. Behind them the whale that had swallowed them dove into the gas giant's clouds. The inertia began to lessen as the ship slipped out of the star's light and into the dark side of the planet.

"Let's never speak of this again!" Harry shouted while wiping similarly coloured slime from his uniform.

"Yeah but..." Craig protested until some slop was swung into his face.

"Never!" Harry burst into sobs.

Coco hurried toward the front window of the bridge, once there he giddily clapped his hands. "I can't believe it. So many weeks, I thought it was for nothing but we're here."

Harry glanced toward the same window. All he saw was black. "Oh of course we ar... wait, didn't you say you had been away for years?"

"Veruga did say it would be hidden in darkness. Maybe this is what she meant," Craig said. "Windfast, can you find anywhere to land?"

"I wouldn't recommend it. It looks a wee bit gassy down there," Windfast chuckled.

Harry shoved him out of the way so he could use the helm controls. That lasted all of two seconds when Windfast pushed him right back. Harry once more mourned his long lost phaser.

"I'll erm, scan for moons," Craig mumbled. The nearest console he could use had to be covered with slime thanks to Harry's frantic drying session. Nearby lay Harry's dirty jacket, so he grabbed that to wipe it down before using it while Harry was distracted. A quick scan brought a smile to his face. "I'm detecting a mass with its own atmosphere just ahead. That's got to be it. Windfast..."

"Aye aye Captain Anderson," Windfast eagerly said. Harry mocked him by miming his words and pulling a few faces.

It didn't take very long for them to hear the telltale sounds of the ship's landing struts touching solid ground. Harry made sure he got to the door first, and yet he was third to leave the ship and set foot on the surface of the pitch black moon.

"Out of my way boy, the Pamo is for my shnookie!" Coco screamed hysterically whilst tugging harshly on one of Craig's ears. Unfortunately for him he picked the wrong side and soon found a green backhand in his face before passing out.

"Oops," Craig flinched guiltily, "hopefully that's the last time that's going to happen." He looked around, hoping to continue forward like before. Everywhere he looked though was darkness. "Uhoh."

His worry was short lived though. A green haze rose a few feet ahead around a strange person shaped shadow. He hurried toward it and tried to grab anything that was there. Something moved, allowing him to see where the mist was coming from. A glowing uneven ball which looked to be floating. He reached to grab it.

"Good god Craig, watch where you're grabbing!" Harry's voice shouted at him from that spot.

Craig groaned quietly. "Is that it? I need it more than you."

"I have no idea. It feels soggy, I wasn't eager to rub it against my sword wound," Harry said.

"You're already wet, Harry," Craig smirked as he snatched the item. He heard a familiar annoyed grunt. As soon as his bad hand touched the object his entire palm was awash with pins and needles, heat radiated from it and the object. The green colour intensified, it was almost blinding. His hand gradually soothed, the otherworldly twitching settled down. The light dimmed once more though so he couldn't see how it looked, although it felt like it was his again.

"Well?" Harry said curiously.

Craig tried to clench his hand multiple times, it did as it was told. "It works. Amazing."

"Yeah yeah," Harry said, snatching it back to press against his stomach. Once done he raised the object to eye level, illuminating both his and Craig's face. He noticed a frown on his teammate's face. "So we can get back to the ship, sheesh."

"Oh that I figured, it's just..." Craig said reluctantly, his eyes fixed on their so called treasure which looked more like a green, crumpled cloth. "Never mind."

"You know, that was too easy. Expect badness," Harry said.

Craig nodded briefly, in the dark it made him dizzy. "Yeah, any puzzle where you didn't even need to shoot anyone must have a catch." He heard Harry grumble a few swear words under his breath.

The duo carefully headed back to their ship and to the bridge. Craig froze as soon as they entered, while Harry rushed to collect his jacket. "I suppose this is already ruined, what's a soggy wash cloth in a pocket?"

Craig took little steps towards the unmanned helm. The nerves got the better of him halfway as his eyes fell to the floor, where he quickly found Windfast lying on his side with a bump on his forehead. "Uh... Harry?"

"What?" Harry groaned without looking at him. He was more interested in wringing a sleeve which dripped goop.

"Aren't we missing someone?" Craig asked nervously.

Harry rolled his eyes, "you mean Choco de Latte? I'm sure he'll find his way back in."

"No but now that you..." Craig stuttered. Light footsteps behind him made him lose his trail of thought. He swung around just in time to see the hilt of Tiffany's sword before it bopped him on the head.

"What was that?" Harry said. He finally looked around in time to see pretty much nothing. "Craig? Windy?" he approached the helm slowly, the frown on his face tensed with every step. "Uh Loco? Teflay, Tiffy, Trin... Tiffany?"

Tiffany bolted back upright in front of the helm controls whilst gasping in horror. Having stepping directly in front of it a second earlier, Harry's heart leapt up into his throat.

"I'm last?" Tiffany's voice cracked, even a tear ran down her cheek.

"Uh?" Harry could only answer with.

"Hmph," Tiffany tried her best not to cry any further. Smacking Harry over the head with the blunt side of the sword helped a lot with that.

Ok, I swear I put the Craig and Tiffany cards together. And... wait, what? Where's mine gone? Oh, ohno is that it there in the bin...

Hack Doc sighed impatiently, then shrivelled his nose in disgust at the sound of the Voodoo Lady's groaning as she strained towards a nearby bin. "Will you turn that microphone down or off. I can't concentrate on my lobotomy's over this noise."

Nope that's the Buck card. Why ever would I throw it in there? Why is it so echoey in here?

"Seriously, it's playing over the whole island," Hack Doc complained.

The Voodoo Lady spotted the button on her desk was compressed. Nervously she slapped it to bring it back up. "Well that's embarrassing," she said. Then she noticed her company, "what are you doing in here?"

A device in Hack Doc's pocket bleeped. He excitedly fished it out to look at it. "Gotta go. Specimen's arrived." He ran out of the cabin cackling sinisterly.

"Ugh, I lost my place. Where was I?" the Voodoo Lady grumbled as she focused on her character tarot cards. Once she was satisfied she reached for the button once again.

When we last joined our zeroes, they had become fishfood for a space dwelling leviathan. With no choice but to poke the shippers, Craig and Harry...

PART 4: The Trial and Humiliation of Harry Kim

I wasn't finished!

The Nowe came in for a landing right where they started; on the shore of the first island. Inside was an awkward silence as Tiffany stood at the helm watching over Harry and Craig sitting back to back on the floor near the viewscreen. Their hands tied together and to one another. Windfast snored nearby, lying mostly face down.

Tiffany tried in vain to avoid the piercing glare Harry had kept on her the whole time. Craig had no choice but to stare out the window.

As soon as they landed they heard a knock on the airlock door. Tiffany walked over to point her sword unenthusiastically at the pair. It took them a couple of tries to stand up without wobbling. Once at the door Tiffany pushed them the rest of the way, they toppled hard onto the harbour's wooden platform.

Standing nearby someone counted money notes aloud. "Twenty eight, nine, thirty. Well done my pretty shoe shoe."

"My what?" Tiffany snarled.

Hack Doc pouted, "I flunked French, no need to draw attention to it."

"What's French?" Tiffany asked. Hack Doc didn't look too sure either. He handed her the money he counted. "This better be legit. Human hunting is so last week."

Craig tried to shuffle into a sitting position. Harry's wriggling didn't help matters. "Listen, whatever he's paying you, we'll double it."

"What? We have no..." Harry hissed. Craig shushed him.

"You're right. It should be double. You only asked for one, I brought two," Tiffany said.

Hack Doc did a triple take at the pair on the ground. "Which one's the one with the beautiful hand? I only want that one. The other you can keep."

"Now wait a minute," Harry protested. Craig looked over his shoulder with a really look on his face.

Tiffany instantly brightened up, "deal. I'll just untie them." She crouched down to tend to the ropes. While she was doing so hundreds of people descended on the beach carrying torches and pitchforks.

"There he is!" one shouted. The crowd's pace quickened. Both Tiffany and Hack Dock scrambled out of their way to avoid being trampled.

"What is this?" Hack Doc snarled.

Craig chuckled to hide his nerves, "oh this always happens when Harry returns anywhere."

"Ha ha," Harry groaned.

He and Craig were dragged to their feet by the leaders of the crowd. They immediately noticed the green patches on their skin. Harry noticed the man holding him was dressed in a frilly pink dress and wig that didn't suit his warty bearded face.

"Harry Kim. You are under citizens arrest by the good people of Sumflot Isle, and will stand trial for great crimes against its community," the same man snarled, then coughed in his face. Harry nearly passed out from the stench of his breath.

"Let me guess," Craig snickered.

Harry stomped on his foot, which he quickly regretted since they were still tied up. Craig hopped on one foot, nearly bowling the two of them over.

"Will you... god, shut up," he said quietly through gritted teeth once they recovered.

"Huh, there's two of them?" another member of the crowd pointed out. The rest stared, flummoxed at the two Human men.

The man in the pink dress shrugged dismissively. "Bring them both. We'll figure it out later."

"What? No!" Hack Doc screeched.

He had little choice. The crowd swarmed around Harry and Craig to drag them away towards the small town. Harry panicked when he recognised exactly where they were heading.

"Okay, I wonder if I'll get some items from in here like some booze," Harry said as he went for a saloon door. Instead of walking through it, he slammed into it.

A woman nearby walked passed, she stopped as Harry fell backwards onto the floor. "Oh yeah, we only had a month to build this. That door's just decoration, maybe try again in three chapters ey?"

"Oh, you think you're clever do you?" Harry grumbled.

Hack Doc watched helplessly as the pair were bundled inside the now functioning doors. Tiffany stood behind him with her shoulders slouched and her face downcast. The mad scientist swung around to shout at her, "get them back!"

"Hey, I did my job. Not my problem," Tiffany said as she walked away.

"We'll see 'bout that," Hack Doc snickered.

Once they were untied from one another, Harry and Craig were shoved into a courtroom podium and forced to sit down. The angry mob filled the seats behind them. Straight ahead of them sat a very imposing largely built man in a much higher podium, glaring fiercely with green blotches all over his face.

"Harry Kim!" he barked. "You have been found guilty of all charges. You will be sentenced to the gallows first where you will spend two days keeping the local kids entertained. This will allow the community time to vote for their favourite method of execution..."

"Hang on, guilty of what?" Harry asked in a blind panic. He dared Craig to say anything with an annoyed eye roll in his direction.

The judge grunted, "what do you mean what? Has nobody read him the charges yet?"

"We haven't even had a trial," Craig reminded him.

"Wise guy huh, aren't you Kim?" the judge snarled.

Harry nodded, "yes, Harry's always been a smart arse."

"Hey, are you serious? Can you really live with yourself if I die because you couldn't keep your phaser in your pants?" Craig snapped.

"I didn't shoot anyone while I was here," Harry protested quietly.

Craig laughed, "yeah sure. What about Windfast?"

"That doesn't count. He was with us," Harry grumbled.

The doors to the court opened. A short greying man with a knee long beard wearing only a thankfully long tatty shirt and boots hurried to the parallel podium to the pair. "Sorry I'm late, your honour. Thought I heard a buzzing sound in the jungle so took the wrong turn. Ended up in the Lotsa Coffee on the south beach."

Harry face palmed while Craig stared blankly in disbelief at the new arrival.

"Enough of your stories, TH. We're waiting for the charges," the judge snapped. He didn't get any response, it took him a while to understand why. "You old man, you're TH."

"I am? By golly," the new arrival chuckled. He turned to Harry and Craig, then his face brightened up with familiarity. "Oh look, it's my two favourite ladies. I haven't seen you since my racing monkey days."

"We're doomed," Harry almost cried.

Craig nodded, "yes you are."

The judge growled, "has anyone got anything to throw at him?"

The person typing the minutes threw their empty coffee cup at the hermit the judge called TH. Fortunate for him it was only made of a Styrofoam like material and it took him a good minute to notice it happened.

"Oooh right, the trial. I best pick up my evening jo before I go," TH said, about to walk off. The judge cleared his throat to get his attention. "Oh I'm here already. Shame. Okay. Men and gentle ladies, I'm here to convince you that Harry Kimberley is guilty of four truly ghastly crimes. Number one; the poisoning of the beloved poochy, Prettyugly."

He gestured to an evidence table off to the side of the room. Harry and Craig looked, recoiling at the alien cat frozen in a compromising washing itself position. It had been placed next to the Pamo de Plato, which thanks to the decent lighting looked like it had been used to clean Neelix's kitchen the once and discarded into a bin.

"His name is Cutey McPie!" a man shouted from the audience. Everyone heard him burst into sobs.

TH sighed sympathetically. "How cruel. Feeding a cat some meat combined with flowers. How cruel must one man be?"

"What?" Harry laughed in disbelief.

"Second!" TH bellowed as he raised his finger into the air. He got confused for a brief second, cured by raising a second finger. "Cheating." Everyone gasped in horror. "Getting so intoxicated on his own cocktails, he mistook a dart's championship for a spitting contest. Truly the lowest of low."

Harry glanced at Craig who was struggling not to laugh. "Oh come on. That one makes no sense!"

"Third. Shooting at karaoke contestants because he couldn't remember the lyrics," TH continued, tutting afterwards.

"That one I can believe," Craig commented.

Harry elbowed him repeatedly. "Shut. Up!"

"And finally, destruction of private property. Kim dropped woodlice onto a man's walking cane..." TH said, overwhelmed by the crowd gasping even louder than before. Shouts to hang the flummoxed ex-Ensign followed. The judge shushed them so TH could go on. "All so he could follow him and eavesdrop on a business transaction."

Harry's face twisted in disgust. "Okay, I can sorta understand the other three. The theme seems to be puzzles I managed to skip. However I don't..." He noticed Craig's eyes sheepishly veering off to the side. "That puzzle was yours? And you give me grief for shooting people."

"No. The narrator was invisible, so how could I follow him?" Craig said, coughing afterwards on purpose.

"How do you plead to these wicked crimes... er, whichever one is Kim," the judge demanded. Harry and Craig pointed at each other. "Very well, you'll both be sentenced."

Craig lowered his hand, Harry didn't though so he glared at him fiercely. "Really?" Craig snapped, "enough of the spiteful hate everyone act, Harry. It's getting very old."

"Talking to himself. That explains a lot," Harry smiled. TH leaned on their podium, staring with narrow eyes. Harry started to sweat, then wonder if he ever introduced himself to the man. Little did he know TH was only supporting himself while he scratched his bare leg. "Okay, okay. I'm Harry Kim but I'm absolutely not guilty."

"Even to the shooting karaoke contestants? Cos I remember the babe guy like it was yesterday," Craig smirked. Harry didn't answer, he simply glared.

"Very well. Who do you wish to represent you?" the judge asked.

Harry briefly glanced at Craig who was shaking his head frantically. "Since he so has my back, I choose this guy. Craig Panderson."

"Who's this Craig, my name is er, James... er Chakotay. That's it, James Chakotay," Craig stuttered. Then he realised what he said and he frowned. "Oh haha, Panderson, how original."

"Wow so when you're done with pretending to be better men than you, can you give us a recess or something so we can figure this out," Harry whisper snapped at him.

Craig narrowed his eyes in his direction. "You know the saying, don't piss off your lawyers." He turned his attention to the judge. "Um your honour, can I request a reset so I..." Harry elbowed him. "Recess with my client."

"Fine! Bailiff, show the defendant to his cell," the judge commanded.

Anyone passing by the courthouse were treated to a glimpse of Harry peering out from behind the bars of his cell, pouting angrily towards no one in particular. The door to his cell opened so the guard could let Craig inside.

"Five minutes counselor," the guard told him.

"Counselor?" Harry muttered, turning away from the window.

Craig shrugged meekly. "Don't worry I've got a plan."

"I don't like it," Harry said.

"I haven't even said it yet," Craig sighed impatiently. Harry nodded and smiled. "One of us is free to move around town. I'll have to solve a few puzzles to get my hands on the Pamo again. Once I do I'll take the Nowe to find Morgan and Tani. Together we could probably think of a Pamo mass distribution system. I'm sure once they're all cured they'll be reasonable and let you out. I mean think about it, they're all Pox of Buck'd and he's not the brightest and..."

"Craig," Harry butt in. To his relief Craig did stop yammering, but didn't look happy about it. "You have as much chance at solving this entire game without me as you do at getting both Morgan and Jessie to not only date you, but catfight over who gets to marry you and have your kids."

Craig started to tremble, he clenched his fists to try and stop it. It didn't work, when he spoke his voice cracked, "you don't know what you're talking about."

"I do, and I'm not done. What also has the same odds is Janeway declaring every day as No Coffee Day, which Neelix helps celebrate with an awesome buffet and no one is ill the next day," Harry said, the right side of his lips curling.

"You know what. I was joking around, I was going to help you out of here first but..." Craig grumbled.

"Did I mention space turning purple and the Borg organising a Universe Peace parade?" Harry's half smile turned into a smirk. Craig's face twitched before he lunged for him. The two exchanged some pushing and shoving, as well as the occasional slap, before the guard came in to drag the closest one to him out of the cell.

"Wait!" Craig cried out as he tried to push forward.

The guard locked the door to stop him getting through. "Wow, I'm sorry Mr Panderson. These prisoners can get a little rowdy."

"Don't worry about it, it happens," Harry smirked. He and the guard walked off, leaving Craig clutching the bars of the door.

On his scout around the town, Harry made sure to pass the courthouse to check on Craig. To his disappointment he didn't even give him a first glance, he even looked away and huffed through his nose.

"Oh come on Craig. Be more original. We've already done the I'm locked up so you solve puzzles on your own gimmick," Harry smiled. He didn't get any kind of response which disappointed him again, so he continued on his way.

Two hours of getting lost in the jungle again later, Harry returned to the town looking very frazzled. Thinking he earned the break, Harry strolled into the bar without a care in the world. That was a mistake as he not only recognised the barman, but also two of the patrons arguing nearby.

"Ah, Mr Anderdaughter was it?" the judge said cheerfully all while polishing a pint glass.

"Uh... sort of Judge er, Judge..." Harry stammered nervously.

The judge laughed his confusion off. "Please, Judge Stumpy is my day job. Here I'm the friendly barman Winer."

"Right," Harry shakily said, his attention drifted toward the two arguing only a few bar stools away.

"Oh come on, break him out," Hack Doc whined like a child.

Tiffany groaned as she sipped on her drink. When done she bluntly responded with, "nope."

"Pleeeeeaaase. I need that white haired boy's fantabulous hand if I'm going to find the secret to eternal life," Hack Doc whimpered. Tiffany stared at him with a steadily rising curious eyebrow. It made him stutter, "I mean the secret to er, anti-wrinkle formulas."

"Is that what you were chasing him for?" Harry couldn't help but laugh. The pair turned around to look at him. "The only thing that hand will be doing later is wiping away his rejected tears. Or if you want to go for a more rude joke approach..."

"Whatever do you mean, scruffy black haired one," Hack Doc grumbled.

Harry bit his lip briefly. "Well when a boy and his no one really like each other..."

"Ugh, he means Craig's been cured of the Pox," Tiffany said.

Hack Doc gasped overdramatically, "impossible!"

"Not really. What is impossible seems to be reaching the ending of this bloated, thinks it's clever excuse of a game," Harry muttered. "If Tani wasn't infected as well, I'd have already hijacked the Nowe, picked her and Morgan up, and hi-tailed it back to Voyager. I'm sure they can beam Craig..." His eyes widened and darted around. "Er I mean Harry up out of jail."

"Who is this Tani?" Hack Doc's ears perked up.

Harry stared at him blankly for a second or two, then his eyes rolled up and remained there. "Ohno."

"You, find this Tani for me," Hack Doc barked towards Tiffany. She laughed in his face and returned to her drink. "But I need her. She's the only one left with the perfect strain of the Pox."

"Yeah about that, there's a whole village..." Harry said, interrupted by a palm nearly slapping him in the face.

"Hush!" Hack Doc hissed without even looking at him.

Tiffany swivelled around on her bar stool once her drink was finished. "If it's that important to you, kidnap her yourself."

"I mean yeah, it isn't hard to," Harry commented.

"I don't think you understand your place in this. You are the hired muscle, or lack thereof. I am the brains. I hire barbarians like you to take care of my dirty business to not sully my hands. Don't make me find another to get you," Hack Doc obnoxiously smirked. That expression was still fixed to his face while he lay twitching in pain on the floor with a bleeding nose.

Harry looked on, a little impressed, while Tiffany gestured for a refill. He then remembered their predicament and shook that off so he could scowl at her instead. "So how much is the going rate for screwing over people you admire?"

"Roughly thirty gold a piece," Tiffany flatly replied.

"So, not enough to buy a cheap conscience at Goldstretcher," Harry grumbled.

Tiffany glanced toward him over her shoulder looking almost bored. "That's rich coming from the guy who killed a bunch of puppies outside someone's house."

"They were sleeping," Harry quickly said.

"What do you want, you got out didn't you?" Tiffany yawned into her hand.

"Yeah but Craig's still locked up for stuff we didn't do," Harry said. He spotted a slight curl in her lips. He huffed impatiently, "he has far more patience than me and I'm phaserless so..."

"My mistake, I thought for a second you were worried about your friend like a normal person," Tiffany chuckled.

Harry firmly ground his teeth before replying, "you dragged us back here to be dissected by a mad scientist, while a system wide illness is turning people into gross green zombies with pink tutu fetishes. That's what's really rich."

To his surprise Tiffany flinched at that. She looked away so he wouldn't see anymore hesitance.

"You're supposed to be hired help, right? Help us prove we're innocent and you might get an autographed phaser," Harry said.

"But you're not innocent. You were infected first and brought it with you to this planet, then fixed the gravity here so it'd spread into the atmosphere and further," Tiffany said, leaving Harry speechless for an uncomfortable five minutes. "Yeah it was an accident so I agree the death penalty is OTT but..."

"I'll be right back," Harry squeaked. He ran out of the bar, double backed to grab whatever was lying around, and ran out once more.

Harry plonked his breathless self down beside Craig in the podium, ignoring all the stares everyone was giving him. "What... did... I miss?" he wheezed.

"Oh not much," Craig replied bitterly.

Judge Stumpy slammed his gavel on the podium twice. "In the case of Ohemge and Cutey McPie versus Kim, the jury of Sumflot Isle finds in favour of the defendant, Harry Kim."

The crowd gasped and jeered in response. Harry stared slack jawed toward Craig who smiled a little too smugly. "How...?" Harry stammered.

"Well, it seems like you've been successful in clearing your name Mr Kim. All four civil charges have been dropped," Judge Stumpy announced to further jeers.

"How the hell did you do that?" Harry demanded.

Craig turned his head so he could get the full view of his smile, "oh I'll tell you later. Whether it'll be at my double wedding, or the Peace Parade or even No Coffee Day, I haven't decided."

"There's no way in hell you proved we didn't do those crimes on your own, in jail. You're full of it," Harry snapped.

"What can I say, I'm the puzzle master," Craig snickered.

Two hours earlier
"And then he said I had as much chance as going out with Jessie and er... Tani, as I did solving this on my own," Craig whined pathetically at the person on the other side of the bars.

"Uh huh," they said with disinterest.

Craig didn't notice though, "he was just trying to get me angry. I smacked him around and the guard assumed because I won, that he was me and let him out. So..." Laughter interrupted him. "What?"

"You still haven't learned to sum up, have you? Great story though, but a bit unbelievable at times," Morgan snickered.

Craig's sad face turned into a full blown pout. "But, we did get eaten by a whale."

Morgan giggled as she sipped on the straw sticking out of her drink. "Oh I know."

"Did you see it?" Craig wondered.

"No," Morgan shook her head. Another sip made her pull a face and shimmy the drink a bit. Disappointed she plonked it in between the bars. "Look, it's easy peasy. I'll break you out," she said while reaching for the bars.

Craig panicked and reached out to stop her, earning him a fierce glare when he brushed her hands. He quickly pulled his own back to his side. "No no, we can't. They have the Pamo de Plato on the evidence table. We need that to cure Tani and the others."

Morgan's face scrunched up and turned a shade paler. "Yeah we do. Last I saw her she insisted I help her carry the entire frumpy dress aisle into the dressing room. No one has suffered like me."

"Um yeah," Craig mumbled, his mind reminded him of his time as the Voodoo Lady. He decided to keep that to himself. "So Tani and Buck are dropping off more aliens here?"

"I don't know," Morgan bluntly replied. She looked annoyed at Craig's confused reaction. "I told you, I haven't seen her since she ran into a dressing room with Disney costumes. I waited outside until they closed the store. I haven't a clue where she went."

Craig's face and shoulders fell. "And Buck?"

"Same. At the very least they're not here. I've looked all over," Morgan replied, her own shoulders tensing. "Though I did only spend a few seconds in the woods. I'm not doing that crap again."

"Okay, okay, don't panic," Craig stuttered. Morgan stared at him blankly. "Buck kidnapping Tani is hardly new, so we can worry about that later. First, I need to prove that I, or rather Harry, didn't poison a cat, spit on a dart board, or ruin an old invisible guy's walking stick. The hard part is the shooting karaoke singers."

Morgan's eyes rolled to one side, mouthing a long drawn out okay. "How are you going to do that?" Craig tried to smile cutely at her, hoping she'd get the hint. Instead she squinted at him curiously. "How much of that whale juice did you drink, you look a bit gross."

"No, I mean I didn't," Craig stammered and blushed furiously. "I can't do anything in here, the only item I can use is used chewing gum. Please, you've got to do the item collecting and negotiating with people. I can't count on Harry."

"Or, I can negotiate with people," Morgan smirked deviously.

Present Time
Craig's smile had managed to grow, "you're welcome."

Harry was far from impressed. "So it's okay when a cute girl does it, but when I threaten people; ohno Harry, you've gone too far."

He felt a weight press on his backrest, almost tilting him all the way to the ground. He grabbed the table to steady himself. Then he noticed the presence hovering over his shoulder and the smile Craig had pointed towards them.

"Now you're getting it phaser boy," Morgan giggled. She let go of the back of his chair, allowing it and him to slam back onto the ground.

"None of this matters anyway. We're not out of the woods yet," Harry said.

Craig stared toward the evidence table and the strange cloth, dread suddenly washed over him. "You're right."

"Why? You'll see..." Harry said, then he realised what Craig had said. "Wait what?"

"Someone took the Pamo from us, multiple people have handled it. You know what this means?" Craig answered with a slight quiver in his voice.

Harry struggled to form a coherent sentence, two were meshing in his head.

"What's this? Page 1 of 2," Judge Stumpy said as he flicked a piece of paper over. "Who duplexed this? Imbeciles. Let's see."

"What?" Craig looked on, more worried than before.

Harry wasn't surprised, "and there it is."

"There's a singular charge for a Mr Craig Anderson. For the creation, distribution and making fun of, of spreading an airborne virus. A class one crime here on Sumflot," Judge Stumpy grumbled in disgust. The entire courthouse erupted into various different chants, all of them with the same execute them theme.

"Well... um, shoot," Craig stuttered.

"Yeah, about that you're welcome. Thanks for clearing my name," Harry said a little too smugly. Barely a second later guards rushed up to handcuff him, wiping any smugness away in a blink of an eye. "Wait, I'm not Cra..." he blurted out, but it hit him at the same time. "Oh."

Morgan sniggered behind her hand. Craig only shook his head with a disappointed look in his eyes.

"Do you wish to represent yourself counselor?" Judge Stumpy asked.

Harry slouched in his chair into a puddle of giving up goo. He shook his head meekly. The judge and Morgan looked at Craig expectantly.

"Yeah right, not again," he scoffed.

Morgan groaned impatiently, raising her hand. "we'll do it."

Despite being nearly horizontal in his seat, Harry continued to slouch further on hearing that. The only sounds that came from him were tiny squeaks.

"Very well. How do you plead?" Judge Stumpy growled.

"Not Craig," Harry whimpered so quietly only Craig and Morgan really heard him. Craig's jaw clenched and his arms folded tightly.

"He said not guilty," Morgan said.

Judge Stumpy grunted. "On what grounds?"

"It's not my fault," Harry whimpered from now under the table. Morgan groaned as she reached down to drag him back up to a sitting position. "Ow, really? I didn't need my spine anyway."

"Suck it up," Morgan spat back.

"Again, on what grounds?" Stumpy snarled.

Harry winced at the further jeering from the stands behind them. "Okay well, it all started at the asteroid belt Jello, or something. Buck was doing something evil with these kidnapped aliens," he said gesturing down to his knees. "Which we only knew about because he has a habit of kidnapping underage girls. We were told this magic sword would kill him, but turns out he's already quite a bit dead so it undid that. Craig's hand..." Morgan kicked the back of his chair, briefly making him facepalm the table. It took him a few seconds of seeing stars before he could speak again. "What chapter are we on Tom, I'm sure we did the Arachnia one last week."

Craig struggled not to laugh while Morgan winced through her gritted teeth with an innocent glint in her eye. "Um, his hand had a mind of its own. The sword went flinging about, landing in a ship separator. Then boom! So, not really my...his fault. The blame lies on the sword and whoever recommended it, and Buck I guess," Craig finished the story while Harry mumbled incoherently and wobbled side to side.

"I see. Were there any witnesses to this unlikely tale? Her perhaps?" Stumpy questioned, pointing at Morgan.

"I was in the next room," Morgan answered sheepishly.

Harry looked around all confused. Seeing the entire court room and his teammates reminded him. "Oh," he groaned, disappointed. "So where was I? Oh yeah, Craig's hand went all wonky..."

"Well, Tani and the kidnapped aliens," Craig answered the judge hesitantly. "But they're..."

The doors to the courthouse burst open. Everyone looked to see a very sickly green looking Tani stride down the aisle in a long flowing pink dress, swaying her hips far too much. Morgan covered her face with both hands, the secondhand embarrassment making her cheeks flush bright red.

"Who is this?" Stumpy shouted.

"What do you think, did that look natural?" Tani asked with a flourished wink.

Morgan's head lowered so much it bumped the dividing wall between her and the podium. "Oh god."

Craig laughed very nervously, "this is Tani. She's..."

Tani gasped and ran over to the podium. "You!" she gushed. He meanwhile ducked down. "My Snugglepuss."

Harry snickered, "snuggle what? I was wrong, you can get ladies... ill ones but..." Tani grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to his feet. He was far too shell-shocked to do anything but let her cuddle into him.

"You were saying?" Craig smiled.

"Aaw, my dear Craig. Let's find a nearby church and tie the knot. You shall become my undead bride for all eternity," Tani purred.

Harry squeaked, "I'm not Craig."

Tani pulled away from him with a shush noise, her finger pressed into his lips. "Shush my darling. You're mine and only mine. Now, where does a man find a tiara in his size around here?" She sniffed the air, grimacing after a couple. "Who is that?"

"Probably Craig and the whale juice," Morgan replied.

"I didn't..." Craig protested.

Tani gasped and shoved Harry roughly to the floor. The courtroom reacted with a studio audience style ooooooh. "Who is this whale wench?"

"What?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I'll teach her to try and steal my sugar bunny!" Tani screamed as she stomped back the way she came. The doors slammed behind her.

Morgan wanted to laugh but she was still a little too wigged. "Who on earth is she whining about?"

Harry and Craig glanced at one another knowingly. Harry tried to laugh it off, "if Tiffany didn't regret betraying us, she's gonna."

"Enough!" Stumpy yelled at them all. "You girl, bring that witness back here or I'll haul the lot of you into the gallows."

"Hey, why me?" Morgan complained, her hands folded stubbornly. The two boys looked at her expectantly. "Does she have to be conscious?"

"Eventually," Stumpy replied.

Morgan rolled her eyes and dropped her hands down to her sides. "Fine."

Once she was gone as well Stumpy hammered the gavel a few times, "in the meantime, back to your table."

Harry shuffled back to his seat beside Craig.

As soon as she stepped into the bar Morgan looked on trying desperately not to laugh, or at least too loudly. Tani stumbled around in front of her with the lower half of the dress wrapped over her head, bumping into a few tables in her struggle. Tiffany huffed in disgust and sat back down at the bar, gesturing to the new barman who was busy wiping the counter to get her a drink.

"What happened?" Morgan had to ask.

Tiffany didn't glance back at her, only shrugged her shoulders briefly. "She called me a one off guest star trollop. Normally I'd let that sexist crap go, but she screamed I was trying to poison her and bitch slapped over my beer."

"That's it," a muffled voice groaned, followed by a tearing sound. Morgan and Tiffany looked towards Tani, who's face they could now see framed by a hole in the dress and dishevelled hair. "You've bought yourself a ticket on the Doom Coaster." She flounced out of the bar with her nose in the air.

"Great," Morgan groaned. "Sorry about that. Even with Buck's stupidity, how did she mistake you for a love interest? Did Harry threaten to shoot you more than once?"

Tiffany sighed dreamily to Morgan's confusion and disgust. "If only."

"What? That was a joke, eew," Morgan complained.

"You're a friend of his?" Tiffany asked her. Morgan replied by placing her hand out flat and shaking it with a scrunched up face. "Tell him I'm sorry, I had him all wrong. He really is the cool headed, phaser slinging, Buck fighting, anti-hero the stories describe him as."

"How many of those have you had?" Morgan asked, pointing at the woman's drink.

Tiffany grasped her drink with a frown, "I dunno, how many glasses are in a pitcher?"

Morgan stared at her blankly, then turned on her heel to follow Tani out of the bar. "Wow, crushing and fangirling on Harry. What's next, a dramatic death scene?"

Harry raised a hand, "while we're waiting, I'd like to make a motion."

"What is it Anderson?" Stumpy groaned.

"The piece of evidence labelled exhibit 2," Harry said. Everyone looked at the cat. Harry groaned impatiently. "No! Why is that still here?" The stares moved to the Pamo de Plato sitting beside it.

Craig stared wide eyed at him, "what are you doing?" he muttered behind his hand.

Harry ignored him. "That is the famous Pamo de Plato, the fabled cure of this totally not brand new disease you all have. Touching it cured Cr...arry here, and me of my nasty heartbu...hand burn."

The crowd were once more buzzed after hearing this. Even the judge seemed intrigued.

"Anyone infected, simply pick it up. You will be cured and you'll see that everything we told you is true," Harry said. For a reason he didn't understand Craig buried his face in his folded arms resting on the table.

"Very well. We'll humour you," Stumpy said, gesturing to one of the bailiffs. They wandered over to the table to pick up the mouldy looking cloth, very reluctantly.

Harry smiled and waited, meanwhile Craig shook his head behind his arms. They waited quite a while but nothing happened. Harry's smile faded away gradually the longer nothing went on.

"I tried to tell you before," Craig whimpered. He lifted his head only slightly enough to turn it towards Harry. "Everyone here has the Pox, someone would have confiscated it, and someone else would've put it on the evidence table. Only we were cured, no one else. It doesn't work anymore."

"Oh," Harry said, now ghostly white.

The jeers from the audience echoed around the chamber, the judge tried to quieten them down with multiple gavel strikes.

"I've heard enough!" Stumpy shouted, shutting most of them up. "It is by my better judgement that you, Craig Anderson, are guilty of unleashing the Pox of Buck on this entire planet. Thanks to the poll we ran earlier, your punishment will be hanging by the neck over a cooking pot, since there was a tie." The members of the crowd wearing dresses and wigs chuckled deviously. "We all have bets on which one will kill you first, so..."

"I object!" Buck bellowed from the doorway. Everyone in the stands gasped in shock. As he charged down the aisle he pointed towards the judge. "That's no bride, it's just two monkeys in a dress."

"What?" everyone but Harry said. He just face palmed.

"Wrong game," he groaned.

Buck looked a little flustered. "Oh, I thought this was a wedding."

"Oh god, I'm doomed," Harry muttered.

"Order, order!" the judge screamed yet again.

Buck's embarrassment soon faded. "Ooh yes, can I get in on that? I'll have the pepperoni."

"Obviously that pox didn't drain his stupidity," Harry groaned to himself. "This is a trial, my trial."

"Oh yes, that's what the news said. Now I remember," Buck said. "Ahem, Mr Kim is innocent, this was all my fault." Everyone gasped again.

"I object, this new witness is clearly an idiot," TH butted in.

The judge broke his third gavel. "Denied, get on with it before I get a new one."

"Well, first of all I was the bad guy. Then Craig over there stabbed me in the gut..." Buck explained. He pointed at Craig in the audience who was trying to hide. "There he is, that human fellow with the fake blonde hair."

"I think he's talking about you," Craig said to his black haired neighbour.

"Instead of destroying me, it sucked the bad guy stuff out of me and into his hand. The ship separated, and then things went boom... I have no idea how that happened, but it turned my badness into a big poxy cloud, infecting people," Buck said.

The judge's face went an interesting shade of red, mixed with the green. "That's even stupider than his explanation!"

"Um, but that's not all. During these episodes it has felt like something or someone's been pulling my strings, pushing me down the bad guy path," Buck explained.

Harry groaned, "oh no."

Buck held up a book, "this journal proves that I wasn't crazy. It details everything, my obsession with Morgan and getting mixed up with Tani, my plans to have undead soldiers, even the dresses. It describes luring Harry and Craig regardless of what's happening, to play the heroic role."

"I knew it seemed forced," Craig commented.

"Guess who it belongs to," Buck said.

Harry shook his head, "how can a body-less or skeletal character like the narrator write a journal?"

"The Voodoo Lady!" Buck dramatically announced. Crickets started chirping, everyone fell silent and stared blankly.

"Who?" Craig whispered.

Harry snatched the book off Buck, who didn't seem pleased. "Are you sure it isn't the narrator, that's just his MO."

"Are you trying to tell me that you were only evil and wore tutu's cause somebody told you to?" the judge grumbled.

"The second one was just a joke suggestion," Craig commented.

"Well not told to, more like lured, or convinced to, you know in a voodoo-y way," Buck said.

"Or wrote... to," Harry muttered.

"Who is this Voodoo Lady anyway?" Craig asked.

Harry skimmed through the journal. "Those fools think I'm useless, ha, ha, ha. That chicken with the pulley in the middle will send them on the path of fate. The fate I made for them, ha, ha, ha." He looked up, "what chicken?"

"She means the one you tried to use to save me from the hole," Craig answered. "I don't remember seeing another woman then."

"Enough! Order, order!" the judge snapped. "I've heard enough. I hereby sentence the Voodoo Lady and Buck to be hanged at dawn. Now get the hell out of here!" The people in the aisles listened to him, quickly.

Buck meanwhile was getting cuffed, he looked over and smiled at them. "Don't worry about me, boys. You must cure the pox."

Craig shuddered, "he still gives me the evil creeps."

"Ugh, you're so paranoid. He just saved me from the noose, so I'm convinced. He's right though, we should get to work on the cure," Harry said.

"How? The dishcloth we took two parts to find was useless. We have no leads," Craig muttered. "It's not like we can shoot this problem away."

"Maybe we should ask the person who lead us on that errand," Harry said.

Harry and Craig stood outside one of the jail windows, both looking a bit confused. On the other side of it was the Voodoo Lady. Next door to her was a cheery looking Buck counting the bars.

"You were the one who told us about the cloth?" Harry asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"It didn't work," Harry said.

"Yes," she said.

"Why are you in jail?" Craig asked.

"Yeah, there are only two jails. They need to leave some room for the voodoo woman," Harry commented.

The Voodoo Lady sighed. "I've helped you boys out in every game so far, I am not useless, and you should remember who I am by now."

Harry and Craig glanced at each other, hoping the other would know what she was talking about.

"For the love of..." she groaned. "I lead you to the Pamo de Plato."

"Didn't work," Harry said.

"I told you about the violence sucking staff," The Voodoo Lady continued.

"I think the Monkey Island fans have all agreed that they don't know what that is," Craig said.

"Didn't happen," Harry added on.

"When Tani turned to gold, I told you how to cure her," The Voodoo Lady said.

Harry raised the journal and read from it, "ha, ha, that ring doesn't even do anything. I knew the diamond would attract Tani. As soon as she grabbed it, I cast my gold voodoo spell to push the fates forward. They will come to me for help, as I've locked out everything in the game until they do, LOL." He closed the book. "You laugh way too much in your journal."

"Um, that's obviously forged. I did have a big part in the second game, you can't deny," The Voodoo Lady said.

Harry opened the book and was about to read again, but Craig stomped in front of him to point accusingly at her. "You had a box outside your lair addressed to Buck, with voodoo supplies. I've suspected you guys have been in league since I saw that, and that was the 90's."

Harry stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "Channelling the writer, Craig? You didn't even remember her before."

"No... I mean, I was suspicious of whoever's lair that was. Now I know it was her," Craig stuttered. "90's, it's slang."

"I only did that so you guys could hide in the box to get to Buck," The Voodoo Lady protested.

"Yeah to deliver us to our fate or some bull, right?" Harry said.

"Yes, er... no," The Voodoo Lady stuttered.

"Why didn't you tell us that was there? It would have saved us the four pieces of star chart misery," Harry grumbled.

Craig shook his head, "so what was the point of the kitchen wipes errand then? I doubt it was to find Harry a girl." Harry turned to glare at him.

"It did cure your hand, didn't it? It just needs a pick me up, so to speak," The Voodoo Lady answered.

"Does it need some soap, or water?" Craig asked.

"No," The Voodoo Lady sighed. "It's full, it needs more room until it can absorb anymore."

Harry sighed despondently, "can't we just wring it out over a sink?"

"The Pamo's power has been left to fade in a godforsaken rock in the dark. It needs to be sought after like any other treasure. That is the key to the cure," The Voodoo Lady ignored him.

"Just when I thought the puzzles couldn't get any weirder," Craig muttered. "Seriously, I thought the tell a story to get prosthetic skin so we could break into the bank, was the limit."

Harry face palmed again, "ex-nay on the Escape From Monkey Island nay."

"All right, the whale dating service," Craig groaned.

"We didn't even do that," Harry said.

Craig shrugged, "exactly."

"I feel we are getting side tracked," The Voodoo Lady said.

"What I don't get is if she's behind everything, why did she make her villain good?" Harry asked Craig.

"You have the wrong idea. Things are not what they appear," The Voodoo Lady said.

"Really?" Craig sarcastically said. He walked off, giving Harry an I told you so look.

"Ignore him," Harry muttered. He side stepped to talk to Buck. "He's still probably jealous about the whole Morgan thing."

"It's all right, it's nothing I don't deserve," Buck said, smiling in a charming way.

"We'll get you out somehow. You're just as much a victim of these rubbish parodies as we are," Harry said.

Buck looked on sadly, he even looked a little sorry for himself. "If only it were that red and white."

"Black and white," Harry said.

"That seems very bigoted but alright," Buck chuckled. "If I had been a stronger man, I wouldn't have been prodded so easily. It's also my fault that Tani got as bad as she did."

"How?" Harry asked.

"She asked me to get the red dress in a bigger size," Buck cringed as if he were expecting a slap. When nothing at all happened but Harry blinking a couple of times he relaxed slightly. "That's when I lost her. I overheard the reports that the Pox's spreader had been arrested while I searched for her, but I could not find Morgan either. Those crafty gals must've stolen my ship right under my nose. I can't really be mad at them for such sneakiness."

Harry glanced to his side expecting Craig to be nearby. Since he wasn't he focused on Buck once more. "That's odd. Morgan got here long before Tani. She arrived minutes before you did."

"Ho..." Buck stammered, then stopped to think. "Now that I think about it, on my first stop there were these nasty little buggers who locked me in a cabin. Hours later they begged me not to shoot them and they let me out. I did think it was a little odd but I was in a hurry, so I moved onto the next planet."

Harry's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "So Tani has my phaser then."

Buck's eyes widened briefly before laughing derisively, "what's that got to do with anything I said, my boy? What would Tani want with your phaser?"

"Okay, it wasn't a suggestion," Morgan said a tad impatiently while averting her eyes toward the ceiling.

Craig crouched down to check on the body lying amongst broken beakers and testubes in the middle of a science lab. Just as his fingers were about to check the pulse, they stirred and lifted their head weakly. He jumped out of his skin.

"Craig?" Tiffany wheezed, her hand rushed to her stomach wound which looked a lot like a phaser burn. "I was trying to help. To make up for..." she groaned in pain. "He told me..." she then wheezed and coughed.

"Who's he?" Morgan wondered quietly to herself.

Craig heard her anyway, he looked back over his shoulder up at her. "I dunno, Hack Doc maybe. This is his lab." That was when he spotted movement coming from the broken window nearby. He looked directly at it, spotting a tiny alien head peering in from the outside.

"Eeep," they squeaked as they ducked down back out of sight.

Tiffany grabbed his arm, making him jump higher than he did before. "He told me..." she wheezed again.

"Um we got that part. Told you what?" Craig asked as delicately as he could.

"He..." Tiffany groaned as she pulled him closer. "Told me." She mumbled something quietly before falling limp on the floor.

Morgan turned her head to one side, shuddering all the while. Craig's head dipped, his eyes closed.

"What did she say?" Morgan asked carefully. "And don't say he told me."

Craig slowly stood back up, his brow furrowed. "I dunno, the only words I understood were part five."

Morgan rolled her eyes. "Oh of course."

"What the hell?" Harry's voice stuttered. The pair's attention darted toward the door to the lab where he stood. "How the hell is she dead, what's going on?"

"Other than a massive genre shift, I haven't a clue," Craig replied.

Harry looked around, noting all of the white boards filled with strange formulas and cartoonish drawings of people. He ground his teeth, eyes flashed with rage. "Hack Doc!" he growled, stomping back out of the room.

Craig and Morgan shared a bemused look. She wandered off after Harry, Craig quickly followed. "So erm, you were saying before we walked into Who Shot Tiffy?" Morgan asked.

"I was thinking about what the Voodoo Lady said about restoring the Pamo," Craig said.

Morgan's face fell, "you're still going to listen to her? I thought she was a doll master."

"Puppet," Craig smiled. Morgan saw it more as a patronising smirk and rolled her eyes. "I mean yeah, she's probably screwing us over for laughs, but we really need this pox cured so." Morgan shrugged and mouthed a fine. "She said it needed to be sought after like a real treasure to regain its full strength."

"So it's a needy little whiner with delusions of grandeur," Morgan said thoughtfully. "Okay, Harry will know what to do."

"Actually, we don't need him. I think I got it," Craig said.

Morgan's eyebrow raised, she smirked slightly. "Yeah you're right. Harry doesn't have a cure for that yet."

"True. It seems like where we found the Pamo wasn't its original hiding place. Someone hid it there and it lost its mojo. We need to re-hide it," Craig said.

"What?" Morgan muttered, blinking faster than usual. It made Craig feel a little unsure, he tried to bat that away. "Oh fine, it can't be any crazier than making out with a ghost to get her engagement ring."

Craig's entire face turned bright red in an instant. His voice also raised two octaves higher than normal, "we didn't... she..." Morgan smiled coyly. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Would you prefer I bring up the dress and boots combo?" Morgan asked sweetly with a cute smile.

As usual that left him a withering mess and unable to argue with her. "Okay um, trust me. I think this will work. We'd best find somewhere obscure."

He hurried off back into town. Morgan followed curiously until she noticed he was heading back into the jungle. Her pace slowed considerably.

Neither of them noticed Tani at the far end of the street peering into a clothes shop window. "Hmm, I wonder if that will go with my skin tone," she mumbled.

A beady pair of eyes and a forehead with a fluffy white wig on the top peered out from a nearby alleyway. They were no where near discreet about it, various passersby watched him with similar looks of disgust, until they spotted the same dress in the window that Tani did. Pretty soon she was completely surrounded by Pox infested islanders, which made him huff and reluctantly step out into the open.

"Oooh, I will get my hands on that girl. My immortality depends on it," Hack Doc snarled.

"There, all done."

The sudden voice pried Morgan's drifting eyes apart, slapping her almost upright. The hand she had been resting her chin on, its elbow slipped off her knee. "Wha... what?"

Craig stepped back to admire his handiwork whilst leaning on the handle of a shovel.

"Oh," Morgan yawned and stood up. She walked over to take a look for herself, only to see that he was staring at uneven patch of soil which stood out enough but grass and flowers surrounded it. "Yeah um... maybe you should've put an X marks the spot in the middle."

"I dunno," Craig tiredly sighed. "We're trying not to make it seem too easy."

"Wow," Morgan mimed and looked away. "Now what?" she asked so he could hear her.

Craig absentmindedly started to sway, the shovel too. "Isn't it obvious?" Morgan quickly snatched it from him before he ended up stumbling on the floor. "Wait," he stuttered.

"For what?" Morgan groaned.

"It won't work instantly. We should give it a chance before digging it back up," Craig replied.

Morgan stared at the shovel in her hands, squeaking sadly as one hand went to her stomach. Craig watched her walk back over to her stump and sit back down.

Immortality didn't seem like it was worth it. Hack Doc trailed after Tani with so many bags he wasn't even carrying them anymore, but merely trailing them along the ground, hunched over to half his height from the weight.

Tani stopped a few metres in front of a dead end and scanned around at the many trees all around them. "Hmph, there's no more shops here. Are you sure we've gone the right way?" she grumbled back at her bag carrier.

"Yes, it's a..." Hack Doc wheezed in reply, then coughed up a lung. She looked at him in contempt. "It's a hidden secret of Sumflot Isle. I just forgot that it's the bee path before the boar."

"Fine," Tani cheered up considerably. She turned to go back the way they came.

It took him a few seconds longer than usual for Hack Doc to react. All of his energy was spent letting go of the bags so it was especially difficult for him to turn around on the spot.

"No, you'll reset the..." he coughed far too late. Tani was no longer anywhere in sight. He whined pathetically over it, then his eyes fell to the bags at his feet and so he whined even louder.

Meanwhile Tani ended up back at the entrance to the jungle. She didn't seem to notice and so followed his instructions to listen out for buzzing, which lead her down the right path. The very second she stepped over the threshold of that screen, Hack Doc hurriedly for him appeared at the entrance as well, just missing a glimpse of her. Another whine echoed through the trees.

He quickly noticed though despite that he wasn't alone. "Oh you," Hack Doc groaned in disappointment.

Harry's already tensed eyebrow twitched. "Yes me. I owe you quite a bit for what you did to Tiffany."

"Well I'm glad someone remembered. The running rate for a Human is thirty gold, plus five for the interest," Hack Doc said brightly, bringing out his hand.

"Is that why you shot her? She didn't do what you asked or gave you what you wanted," Harry snapped furiously. His face turned blank for a moment, eyes glazing over. "Oh," his voice slowed down to a near croak, "oops?"

"Hmph indeed, that's your thing you vile creature," Hack Doc sneered. He burst into high pitched giggles, "you really think I killed her? What a fool. I already told you, I don't resort to that barbarity. I also have no reason to, I'm out of pocket now and rather busy so..." He wandered off to the same path Tani picked.

"But..." Harry protested while his mind raced. "You're the only villain left. One's cured, the other's in jail, who else would've done it?"

"Aaaw," Tani whined as she ran into another dead end and into the backs of two people backing away. "Hey watch it, creases."

Morgan and Craig glanced over their shoulders toward her, allowing her to get a glimpse of what they were backing away from. Protruding out of a hole in the ground, the cloth that had previously been small enough to sit in a palm of a hand, had bloated to the size of a shuttle and it was still expanding. The pair had to step back again to avoid being shoved. Tani didn't move though, so Morgan swiped her arm in front of her to push her to one side.

Hurried footsteps and giddy screams approached as well. "What now?" Craig groaned.

Realising they couldn't back off any further without accidentally triggering the jungle maze's reset, the pair side stepped towards some trees, dragging Tani along with them. Just in time too for Hack Doc to come charging in, practically giddy with his eyes sparkling.

"It's beautiful, the secret to eternal life!" he screeched once he was within hands reach.

"No!" Craig tried to warn him as he reached for it with both hands. The mad scientist pretended not to hear him.

"Actually now that I think about it," they all heard Harry ranting in the background, his voice getting loud quickly. "She was shot and so whoever did it has my phaser. So it couldn't be..."

Harry continued to ramble without paying any attention to his surroundings, he bumped right into Hack Doc, bowling him over face first into the gigantic Pamo de Plato. As soon as his nose brushed against it, it hissed so loud and piercingly they all had to cover their ears. Well all but Hack Doc, who couldn't since his head was stuck inside of the thing.

A thick green mist quickly descended on the area, thinning as it surrounded the Plato. The hissing lessened to the group's relief. The first thing Morgan spotted when she did was the Hack Doc's legs kicking frantically, the rest of him had sunk into the pulsing green blob in front of them. She grabbed his foot and pulled him to freedom.

"Oh god. What the hell is this I'm wearing?" Tani complained, her fingers picking at her dress as if she was picking pineapple of a pizza. The others noticed she no longer looked green or warty, they breathed a sigh of relief.

"Leave this to me, my new friends," Buck's voice echoed toward them, cueing groans from all but Harry. Hack Doc's though was more painful than annoyed though. They looked around to see him dashing over.

"So what part of this spot was supposed to be hard to find?" Morgan directed at Craig. He laughed meekly.

Buck pouted, disappointed. "Oh I'm too late?"

"Wait, how did you get out of jail? You had no one to trick into your place," Craig asked.

Harry sighed for once not out of impatience. "Okay, about that..."

"The guard was okay with it after I explained that I had a wedding to go to," Buck answered on further approach.

Morgan and Craig stared at him suspiciously, Tani meanwhile was still picking at her dress. "What wedding?" Morgan asked.

"I've been having some trouble lately, taking it out on people," Harry continued as if no one spoke over him.

"Prepare for the distraction!" Buck shouted as he brandished a phaser in Harry's direction.

"I'm sor..." Harry said as the phaser rang out. It struck him in the chest, knocking him into a tree. Craig and Morgan rushed over to his side.

Tani only heard it and so gasped in shock at him lying on the ground, "Harry!" She ran over to kneel beside him.

"Chuck, haha!" Buck laughed, then frowned, "that's not right."

Craig crouched down to tend to Harry, groaning in pain, his eyes weakly trying to keep open. Morgan instead chose to stomp over to Buck armed with a Janeway deathglare. He hurriedly sidestepped toward the Pamo de Plato, gesturing to it in a grabbing motion.

"Ah ah, we don't want this spilling all over again, do we?" Buck taunted her. Morgan hesitantly stopped, her arm went to her back. "This undead power belongs only to me, thanks for cleaning it up for me."

Harry weakly rolled his head over towards Craig. "What was I saying?"

"Huh?" Craig frowned. He thought about it and only got more confused. "Don't worry, just take it easy. We'll get you to a doctor." Hack Doc giggled in his sleep. "A sane doctor."

"Oh that's right," Harry groaned. "Do me a favour."

Craig glanced up with worry towards Buck and Morgan, seemingly in a stalemate with him yammering at her. "Sure."

"Tell Craig I'm sorry I've been so on edge with him lately," Harry said, prompting a tiny smirk from Tani.

Buck grunted, "aren't you dead yet? I've got the perfect idea for a wedding reception. Funeral buffet. Two for one." Morgan shuddered in response.

"He's a good guy, a little weird and that PADD thing is creepy," Harry slurred, his head slouched against Craig's shoulder.

"Uh I hate to encourage Craig here into thinking he has a shot with Morgan but..." Tani said. Craig shook his head at her, pleading her to stop. "But if Morgan's still your goal, you really shot the wrong guy."

Buck stared at her like she was stupid. He laughed it off, "oh my dear, you always know how to make me laugh. Silly, just like a little girl."

Morgan's eyes narrowed, "excuse me, like a what?"

"Now stand back, I will absorb all of my power back into this renewed body. You..." Buck bellowed, pointing at Tani. "Will be my demon bride and we will lay waste to this quadrant. Maybe pick up my dry cleaning on the way, my old jacket still smells of that beer from the first wedding. First, we will marry to the thunderous applause of..."

Morgan shook with rage, unable to take anymore. "Oh marry this!" she lunged forward while bringing her arm out from behind her back, revealing a curved sword.

Craig panicked as he recognised it as the one he used in the beginning, "no wait, that is the revival sword, it won't..."

He was more than too late, Morgan plunged the sword through Buck's torso, cutting him off mid speech too. He stared at her sadly like she betrayed him, then she recoiled the sword and backed away from him.

"Owee," he said, tending to his new bleeding wound. "How?"

"How? You're alive now aren't you, you doofus," Morgan groaned.

Buck's face went blank. His shoulders slouched, "oh."

Craig looked on in shock, Harry passed out and landed on his lap shocking him further. Tani giggled behind her hand. Craig shuffled backwards a bit, blushing a little. "Wait, what? Is that it, but..."

Morgan glanced toward him, smiled and shrugged. His already blushing face brightened even more. The exchange enraged Buck enough to make him forget his pain for all of two seconds, he stumbled forward one step and grimaced in furious agony.

"You. How could you? My plan was flawless, brilliant. I tricked you all and..." Buck stammered, his throat throbbed as he tried to stop himself from bursting into sobs. "What about Part Five, that was so cool, so full of callbacks and..."

"The ending sucked," Morgan retorted with a scoff.

Buck's jaw dropped, "how could... That's it, you're not invited."

"Good, I wasn't planning to go to my wedding anyway," Morgan smirked.

"What? You're...?" Buck said, pointing at her. He fell face first onto the ground.

Tani looked on nodding in approval, "not bad."

Craig rubbed his wide, shocked eyes. "Wait, that's it? That was anticlimactic."

"Still a lot less abrupt and dumb than the original," Morgan smiled. She walked over to help Craig lift Harry up. "My ship's closer."

"Wait," Tani said. She gestured to the Pamo de Plato, which had thankfully stopped growing but it was still taking up a lot of jungle. "What do we do about this?"

Craig shrugged, "lets worry about Harry first. We can come back later."

"Yes because no one will be able to find it," Morgan said with a smirk pointed at him.

No sooner had they left, a swarm of the little aliens emerged from the trees. A couple walked over Hack Doc with little care, he responded with a giggly, "oooh." They looked at the gigantic green blob in awe. Some spotted Buck lying face down on the ground with his arm sticking ahead of him, still pointing his finger.

One of them chuckled deviously, "he played right into our hands. What a fool thinking he'd become more powerful by re-absorbing his own power."

A chorus of laughter agreed with him. Another decided to poke the body with a stick.

"Now, lets get to work," the first alien smiled triumphantly, gesturing his arms wide. The aliens surrounded the Plato, creating a circle around it. "Finally, we can de-clog my drains."

Inside a dark little cabin, the Voodoo Lady squeezed herself into a smaller chair, accidentally reclining it nearly horizontal. She quickly fixed it during a knock at the door. "Come in."

A shadowy figure approached holding something large. The light from the candles on the table illuminated that first, revealing to the Voodoo Lady a gigantic glass bottle with green mist swirling around in it. One more step and she could see the figure's face.

"Ah Tiffany, my child. I see the Play Dead spell worked. Did you bring me what I asked for?" the Voodoo Lady asked.

Tiffany grimaced as she looked down at the bottle, Buck's pained voice echoed from it. "I'm not sure, let me double check." The Voodoo Lady chuckled, she tried to reach over to grab it, the only thing she achieved was lowering the seat. "Your end of the deal first."

"Yes, your actions have influenced your fate," the Voodoo Lady tried to sound mysterious while shimmying up her chair back to normal. Once done she opened a drawer and picked something up. That something slid across the table to Tiffany, her eyes widened in delight. "Mr Shooty, the original in... kinda mint condition."

"Score. I'm going to frame this bad boy," Tiffany giggled. She dumped the bottle on the table, which made an ow groan, and ran out.

The Voodoo Lady reached for the bottle, smiling deviously. "There is much work to be done before the tides of destiny shift again." Evil laughter rang around the cabin.

Voyager:
The turbolift doors opened for an excited B'Elanna. She ran around to the front of the bridge. "Captain, great news."

"My new coffee pod machine has arrived?" Kathryn almost bolted out of her chair.

Chakotay frowned, "why would you need that, we have replicators."

B'Elanna stared at her blankly. "No. That half ship Harry brought back, the Tolg guy's. It still had one functioning transwarp coil in its engines. It's compatible, we'll get another couple thousand lightyears before it overheats and we have to throw it out."

"Oh," Kathryn seemed disappointed for a moment. Then it hit her, "oh! Go ahead, let us know when you're ready." B'Elanna nodded and ran back the way she came.

Craig glanced across at opps from the back stations, then decided to walk over to a smiling Harry. "What?" he asked.

"Looks like we're finally getting out of this area of space. No more puzzles, no more Buck, no more what's her name, and phaser jokes," Harry beamed.

"Really? It's only a couple thousand lightyears, and he was a Tolg so..." Craig said.

"Craig, Craig, you don't get it," Harry smiled directly at him. "There will be no more Monkey Island parodies, no more games. We're free."

Kathryn's ears perked up, "who's talking fourth wall?"

Harry lowered his voice, while he was nervous he was still in good spirits. "They sold it off, they don't care about it, it's done."

"Oh," Craig was a little relieved. "To who?"

"Lets just say if it's ever revived, any parodies will have to be in a galaxy far far away," Harry snickered.

Craig wasn't sure what to make of that. He looked to Harry a little disappointed, so he scowled at him. "What? No, it's just it feels like there's some unfinished business there. Too many unanswered questions. Like what was the Voodoo woman's deal, what was the obsession with theme parks, and what does you fight like a cow mean? That's been bugging me."

"Who cares? Now that we're done, we can go back to doing more important things," Harry said.

Tom hurried over and squeezed in between the pair. Craig pulled a face and stepped a couple of times so he wasn't knocked over. "Hey, I finished the opening titles for our new..." Tom looked at Craig suspiciously, "project. It's gonna be awesome, wanna see?"

"Of course. I can hook it up to my screen here," Harry replied. He tapped at his console for a bit, then stopped abrupt to stare at Craig with an almost accusatory stare. Tom did the same. Craig got the hint and hurried off to rejoin his usual teammate at the back of the bridge.

"Back to still insane but less weird, huh?" James smirked at him.

Craig nodded. Any disappointment faded away when a thought occurred to him. "Say, did I tell you how we escaped the whale?" he asked loudly.

Harry's head jolted upright and his eyes widened so much they watered.

"No, do I want to know?" James asked.

Craig laughed, they both headed for the turbolift. "Oh yes you do."

THE END

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