Last time on

Oh god, I'm not doing this again so soon..... bugger it.

Aliens decided to 

the entire Voyager crew. Some escaped thanks to Tom's own brand of matchmaking. Morgan passes out and meets some goddess we're all supposed to recognise from god awful descriptions.

And now the conclusion


Marill Re-Reads "The Love Spell" Part 2


"Well?" Morgan asked.

"Well what?" the woman replied.

"You haven't answered my question yet," Morgan said.

"What question?" the woman asked.

Not funny, only wastes word count.

"It's rather a long and complicated story mind," the woman replied.

"It's ok. It's either this or kissing Craig. Go ahead," Morgan said.

The woman thought, "if she didn't want to kiss Craig, why did she nearly?"

Yeah that bugs me too.

This is more than Jessie level denial.

"You remind me of that Vitera girl from Upendi," Morgan replied.


"That's probably because it was the same actress. I am Kes," the woman said.

"None of the wiser," Morgan muttered.

"Lets just say I was replaced by the Barbie Girl," Kes said.

Okay, her not knowing who Kes is, I unfortunately buy it. Poor Kes is very rarely mentioned again after she leaves.

Oh guys, guys. Guess what. It's time for some bulls$$$ exposition. Grab some popcorn, put your feet up. This is gonna be a good laugh.

Bare in mind that this entire paragraph was already, bare basically rehearsed over and over by me before writing it. It came about from me mulling over the Kiara/Morgan paradox and how to change it from the Kidz Trek version. It ended up turning into an expositon monologue which I thought was OMG SO AWESOME and considering my last OMG AWESOME idea was changing World Domination into real world shenaginans, you know you're in for a treat here. LET'S BEGIN

First, let's quote the whole thing without any present day interruptions. We can rip it a new one afterwards.

"Yes, that's right. Anyway I was there when you were born. When I saw you I had a vision. I saw that you would be split into two girls. I knew that people wouldn't see you as separate individuals so I thought I had to do something. When I was planning what I could do Q arrived and he told me he had given your younger self some sort of power that would separate the two of you. I knew that wouldn't be enough. So when I was in Sickbay I injected some of my blood into you so you would get powers like me," Kes said.

"What kind of power are we talking about here?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know what Q gave Kiara. He only told me that when you were assimilated the power would deteriate in you but not in Kiara. She will not get the powers you'll get. Ocampans like me have the power of the mind. We can read people's thoughts, create telepathic links like this, sense other people's feelings, move things without even touching them, create fire with our minds, see visions of the past and future. This is just the beginning. It comes sudden, but I know that since you're a Slayer you have the power to control them," Kes said.

"I take it, you're just telling me of these powers now because of that threat you mentioned," Morgan said.

"Yes. Your powers are developing quickly now. Your Slayer strength and Ocampan mind power will help save your crew. I am warning you though, Cupid's Spell (SNIP, rest is actually plot related, boring!)


Morgan the Sue Count: INFINITY but I should probably give it a number. Hmm, after a skim I count 5 instances and since it's my lucky/magic number, why the hell not.


Ok I'll be completely fair and note these things before slagging it off:

1) Yes the paradox was about 90-95% worked out at this point, there were some minor touches made later that I remember. BUT this was meant to be a little, um... avoidy. Kes wanted to explain but she either didn't have the whole story or didn't want to share it. At least not yet.

2) Since when has my "character spouts exposition" skills ever been good? Yeah exactly.

SO without spoilers or any later season hindsight, at least I'll try, there's a few issues I have in what's actually said so I'll requote bits (in a review that I've already threatened would be unintentionally long. oops but this is important).

When I was planning what I could do Q arrived and he told me he had given your younger self some sort of power that would separate the two of you.

Why would Q tell her this?

I don't remember any part of these events where Q decides to catch Kes up so casually. It'd be too risky. Why do this? This is more than some bulls$$$ alternate version to avoid saying too much to Morgan, it doesn't make sense.

So when I was in Sickbay I injected some of my blood into you so you would get powers like me," Kes said.

Oh come on Kes. You're a nurse, surely you could've thought of a better way. Make of that what you bloody will.

Also powers like me? What?

"I don't know what Q gave Kiara. He only told me that when you were assimilated the power would deteriate in you but not in Kiara.

I think this is the biggest problem with this exposition. Kes is saying a lot to Morgan, but she's not really explaining anything. I know she can't but still, it'd be blatantly obvious if this wasn't oldschool Fifth Voyager where s£££ happens and no one really questions it.

We can read people's thoughts, create telepathic links like this, sense other people's feelings, move things without even touching them, create fire with our minds, see visions of the past and future. This is just the beginning.

Kes is selling this "you're going to be like me" pitch again and it bugs the crap out of me. I know she has to tell her something and I'm sorry if this seems spoilerific but I have to explain why it bugs me. Morgan is not meant to be Kes 2. She's not going to be setting fire to flowers and Tuvok's blood anytime ever. Or killing B'Elanna because she has dementia (hey, you explain it better, I have experience in this s$$$ don't argue with me...cough).

"I take it, you're just telling me of these powers now because of that threat you mentioned," Morgan said.

The threat of... making out couples? If Morgan's infected how is her being able to read minds or have telekenesis going to help her?

You know the answer. The speech was so super awesome it had to be done ASAP. Why it wasn't Thrown Key, beats me, don't remember. Love Spell was next and I couldn't wait any longer. Not that it would fit into Interactions either. Disconnected would've worked super great though *makes note*

Okay with that done. It's spoilers for mid Season Two+ time! YAY

First positives. It could be written a lot better, but some of Kes' dialogue fits the vague foreshadowing button well enough:

I saw that you would be split into two girls

I knew that people wouldn't see you as separate individuals so I thought I had to do something.

He only told me that when you were assimilated the power would deteriate in you but not in Kiara. She will not get the powers you'll get.

The second quote is more telling than the others. If she had stuck with the first one then yeah, there's nothing there. The first bit is not news to anyone after all. But why is it so important that they're seen as separate that Kes has to mess with power levels?

Then there's the third quote which was always hmmmm disguised as FV "cant be bothered to explain it" laziness.

Spoilers end.

And another thing, and it's not really spoilers as this covers previous eps. Kiara's powers is mentioned a lot, and I'm sure many readers will be like ???? which is understandable. So let's go back to our old "friend" Mirror Universes for a nice quote that I absolutely "loved" so much I had to write many paragraphs about it.

"Fine, but why do you need me?" Kiara asked.

"When our Kiara was brainwashed she lost all her telepathic powers," Phoebe said.

So Kiara's power is telepathy? Really? Did Kiara ever show any signs of this? Sure there's The Fight but Chakotay's not telepathic either. Nothing official is said there as to why Kiara gets the same symptoms.

What does Kiara have, if anything? Well there's Timeless. And bare in mind that I'm 90% sure I wrote it in an attempt to keep it real/canon, despite the paradoxy headaches it would cause, and only made it "just a dream HONEST" not-canon Threshold style later on. The quote I'm about to use however works with either version:

"Kiara, are you sure that Voyager's going to be destroyed?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah, I had a vision," Kiara replied.

The original she had a vision of Voyager's crash, simple. In the no longer canon version we still see a lot of Timeless, and I've left it up to interpretation which parts if any are real and what isn't. Even so Timeless is one of three episodes now that goes under Kiara has a funky ass dream for an entire episode. There's usually a reason for it though.

I'll try to be vague to avoid more spoilers. Season Three's while AWFUL and gross (OH MY GOD IT'S TIMELESS PART 2, IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE THAT LITERALLY), was the cliche "you don't know what you have until it's gone" episode, and temporarily mended something for a few episodes. Season Four's version served the foreshadowing purpose as vaguely as it could, in more ways than one.

So yeah, Kiara definitely has something at the moment. It's super vague as to what, especially when so far all there is is Timeless which never was edited to say it was a dream/vision, and Phoebe's "duh Kiara should be telepathic" bombshell.

I've said a lot just to get to this point. Kes claims she gave Morgan telepathy to separate her from Kiara. Kiara's power would fade away from Morgan during her Borg stint, while Kiara wouldn't be able to have Morgan's so I assume she means vice versa; the longer they're apart, the differences grow. No reasons given for either, but it's interesting nonetheless.

And for me, it's lovely foreshadowing.

Gah that was long. Moving back on with Smoochathon 2001.

"Thanks, I'll do that. You've been a great help. I'll tell my mum when I get back," Morgan said.

What has Kes done exactly? I'm still fuzzy as to how Morgan being able to read someone's mind is going to help. It'll probably only scar her for life.

"We can find out. Thanks for all your help. I really don't see why they got rid of you and replaced you with a Barbie Doll. You're a million times nicer than her," Morgan said.

One word Morgan:


It's not rocket science.

But yeah people will try to tell you that Seven's got a remarkable story arc, is super awesome and Voyager benefited from having her around. Don't listen to Ondore's lies. It pisses me off so much as I really did like Seven in the beginning. She does not develop very much. I feel like I'm alone on this Earth with that opinion, but that doesn't make me think for one second that I'm wrong. I didn't start off hating her because she replaced Kes, despite how many times FV tries to paint it as that. I didn't know Kes, I barely watched Voyager when this happened.

I just hate missed opportunities. How I imagined Season Four Seven developing into over the years was nothing like what happened. S4 Seven was a Human recovering from a terrible ordeal, her mechanical nature was fading. I saw her getting her own quarters, maybe changing her look a bit as she became more human, remained snarky and witty, still ruffled some's feathers cos of it, made mistakes. S7 Seven couldn't have a boyfriend without glitching, still ate via "nutrional supplement 47" cans, still regenerated, actually looked more stiff than she did in S4, the giant implant in her brain that was killing her bugs the s$$$ out of me. Don't get me started on the dream s$$$ again, still spoke in that monotone voice with bugged eyes, and even the two MC's who disliked or didn't trust her were cured of their issues overnight. And yeah that leads me to Chakotay/Seven and I've never seen anyone who not only supports this pairing, but shipped it before it happened and/or saw it coming. It's like The Love Spell, random characters were chucked together to make out. Nothing more.

So yeah. The answer is boobs Morgan, because it sure isn't good character development or writing. Believe me, I'm an expert in the poor kind so I KNOW THIS.

"Yeah, I was in a telepathic link, and I saw Kes," Morgan replied.

"How can that be possible, you're not telepathic?" Craig asked.

Ah I still do this a lot. Make me stop. Question is asked, followed by a comment but I keep it in the same sentence and slap a question mark on the end. STOP IT MARILL

Along with just abuse, this is thankfully one of my few bad habits left. Well that and overly long intros... and terrible comma placement. If you haven't already, look at Reboot Upendi. That synopsis doesn't kick in for a very long time and that's the cut down version.

Who cares about that now, we must get back to the Morgan Is Super Special show.

"I am, Kes gave me powers like hers. If you don't believe me I'll tell you that you're thinking about what nearly happened before I collapsed," Morgan said.

"Yeah, I would be as well," Psoni muttered.


I didn't alter that just now. That's what it looks like in the episode.

Some lines are missing. FUN!

You're probably not missing much. We don't need telepathy to know what Craig's thinking on a normal day, let alone a time when the 16 year old love of his life is about to smooch him.

"And you're thinking that my dad looked like a big T'Arian ape," Morgan said.



"I was wondering why the Doctor wouldn't listen to me when I contacted him," Craig said.

"He must be infected too. I wonder who he fell in love with," Morgan muttered.

"Probably himself," Craig said.


though come to think of it, why is the Doctor infected? I'm assuming he is anyway. Especially when Kes hinted the spell didn't work on everyone and we saw it thankfully didn't work on the two kids.

Kiara and Naomi were feeling extremely ill as they walked through the corridors. They heard the turbo lift doors open and they rushed over to the lift. The doors were open but the lift wasn't there. They saw somebody climbing up the shaft. He looked down and grinned.

"Cool, the lift's coming up!" he squealed.


There are few minor guest star characters that I like*. Here comes one of them, so warning incoming trivia time.

"If you want to be killed by the turbolift, do it when I'm not there," Faye said. The guy moaned. Naomi recognised him but Kiara didn't.

"Ohno, Sid the Psycho," Naomi muttered.

I think you mean YAY

"When this is over, does any of you ladies want to go absailing off a huge mountain on the holodeck, without the safeties on and without a rope?" Sid asked.

Yep this is Sid. I guess there's not much else to him. Sid loves to get hurt. The so called technobabble is that he feels pain differently to most people. While pain gives him pleasure (and yeah I imagine you could go THERE, but FV doesn't usually do that), tickling him wouldn't make him laugh, it'd be extremely painful.

He's one dimensional unlike my other favourite "always have been guest stars" characters, but he's good for a laugh I think.

*If you're curious, I also like Duncan, Nathan from Season Five, Foster from most seasons (not the one in Hunters and Disconnected, the one who'll be introduced in Resistance as a Security officer), Justin and Myleene from the prequels, and Frenit, off the top of my head.

Danny ran into Engineering. She saw everyone but B'Elanna was kissing someone. B'Elanna came up to her.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" B'Elanna asked.

Danny hasn't been developed yet. The real Danny would be taping every second of this, giggling over her rude jokes and probably looking for Ian so she can join in.

Also it's fine that the reasons why some aren't affected haven't been explained yet. What I don't like is that I don't think I've seen any clues yet. I love foreshadowing, so this is lazy

She saw Ian kissing Lisa. Danny stormed over and she slapped Ian hard on the face. He didn't even notice.

Oh, is this here because a certain prequel plot point was already decided or was that plot point decided because of this? What a paradox

Doesn't matter, it's boring.

"I've tried to separate everybody but nothing works. The strangest thing of all is that a few couples hated each other before this happened. It looks like this alien weapon makes you fall in love with the person nearest to you. The question is, why weren't you and me infected?" B'Elanna asked.

How is that the strangest thing? The spell made everyone stop what they were doing and make out. People do not do that on mass, at least I thankfully have never seen it.

"For you it might be because you're pregnant, or you weren't near enough to a guy. With me there was not an even amount of people on the Bridge. You're lucky that Tom isn't on Voyager," Danny said.

This wasn't what I meant by give us bloody clues

Also yes yes I know, the Love Spell/Virus is hetero only. I mean fine Danny could've escaped this if there were uneven amount of people on the Bridge. That's fine. But since this is a virus that makes people smooch whoever's next to them as a distraction while aliens invade, then in a room with 4 girls and 6 boys, I expect some male only pairings otherwise the virus IS NOT DOING ITS JOB.

I'm just hoping that's an assumption on Danny's part. Of course it is, Danny couldn't know, she wasn't even with B'Elanna. If she were she'd be right, or they'd be making out already.

In: "What is it Morgan? I'm kind of busy!" Kathryn's voice yelled.

"I need to talk to you," Morgan said.

Morgan, Kes already warned you. I'd be too squicked out to even try this if this was my mother. Just saying. No offense mam, and ps why are you reading this? STAWP, this is not my finest moment!

"Kes was right, she's not interested. Maybe I should tell dad when we get back," Morgan said.

Yes, tell Chakotay as he's not infected. Why was Janeway her first choice? Kids

Later that night, the living room in the villa:
Tom and Annika were arguing. Jessie and James were watching and taking bets, while drinking vodka. Chakotay was yelling at Emma because she had drunk all of his whiskey. Morgan and Craig were taking turns on the Game Boy.

Um. Am I to assume Morgan has already told her dad about the threat on Voyager, and that the whiskey was going to save the day? Or that she's saving it until he was already s$$$faced?

This is classic Fifth Voyager. Screw the plot, DRUNK SCENES

it's not all bad, Tom's here. Please be good.

"You're just a stupid blonde bimbo!" Tom yelled.

"You're irrelevant!" Annika yelled back.

nope. the magic is gone

"Ha! I said she would hit him first, pay up," Jessie said and she held her hand out. James groaned and he gave her another bottle of vodka. She started drinking from the bottle.

"I bet that he compares her to a Barbie Doll," James said.

"You're on," Jessie said.

This is important. It may not look it, but it is.

Also that's a pretty weak drinking game, you're just looking for any excuse to pass out drunk aren't you? A bit risky since you've already agreed to share not only a room but a bed with your history.

"Cos I could, have you got anymore?" Emma asked in a drunken way.

In a drunken way. I assume slurred was hard to spell

"You're a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world!" Tom sang. Annika hit him again.

"Pay up," James said.

"This game's not fair!" Jessie cried. She handed two bottles over to James.

You do know you don't have to take the first bet you hear, Jessie. It's only not fair because you make it so. Also on second glance, they're doing it the wrong way around. Usually in these games, the loser has to down a shot or something. Here the loser has to give up their stash and watch the winner chug it...? I... guess that makes some sense, but I'm reminded that they're doing this with vodka. AND I'm reminded that Jessie was pretty adamant about not getting drunk again, and not only that, in Tom's company. UM. The Love Spell is really taking the literal piss here.

"It's always not fair when you're losing," James said.

"That's right isn't it," Jessie said. Morgan stood up and she handed the Game Boy to Craig.

Oh snap

True though. Something consistent about Jessie throughout, such a sore loser but you can't take her that seriously.

Also the Morgan line doesn't belong there, sheesh

"I'm going to dye my hair now, it still feels like it's burning," Morgan said as she felt the back of her head.

"What colour are you going to do it?" Jessie asked.

"Wait and see," Morgan said and she entered one of the six doors in the room.

"I bet blue," Jessie said.

Yeah Morgan, that'll save the day! YOU GO GURL

"Fine, anymore bets?" Jessie asked. Tom and Annika didn't reply since they were too busy killing each other. Emma was just dancing to nothing in particular, Chakotay was nearly pulling his hair out. "I take that as a no then," Jessie said.

Seriously. Why have that Kes scene there at all? Morgan's completely ignored it and decided to have a dying hair party. It's almost like the Kes scene was never there in the initial plot. WELL I NEVER

Craig thought, "those two bottles are as good as mine. I saw Morgan buying the orange dye."

Now see Jessie, this is an unfair bet. Take notes.

"A few of those crewmembers on the planet have disappeared, the others aren't in the same room," the alien said.

Oh so Morgan did do something. Still they don't seem very concerned about Voyager.

"Then we'll just have to deploy the virus around the entire area," the alien Captain said.

"But sir, if it did infect all eight then the virus will only last one night," the alien said.

"Just do it, we can't have the crewmembers on the planet help their crewmates," the alien Captain ordered.

It's a sodding mini hotel on a sodding little island on its own. Just point at that and fire. Sheesh.

Any excuse for the spell only lasting a short amount of time. It seems so pointless.

"I got a headache," Craig moaned and he stepped out of the room. Annika and Tom were still arguing. Chakotay was trying to force coffee down Emma's throat to sober her up. Jessie and James were really drunk and they were trying to set up a Twister board.

Okay, so everyone's getting set up for their Love Spell positions once more.

Craig's wandered out, Morgan already did to dye her hair. They have the same room so no surprises there.

Seven and Tom, gag reflex on standby

Chakotay and Emma, eugh forcing coffee down her throat. This is not good timing, oh dear.

Twister board? Um. Trying? It's a good thing it's so hard for them to put a little mat on the floor cos wow.

There was a flash of light and just like Voyager, disgusting things were taking place. The light continued to spread around the entire area.

Yeah disgusting for prude only for her own work Marill. And C/7, but everyone should be for that. But then again I'm in half agreement here. Remember Chakotay/Emma's activities when this happened. JANEWAY'S GOING TO KILL HER IF THE J/Cers DON'T FIRST

And James and Jessie, yes well I've already said, I'm hoping the Twister game wasn't ready.

The spell was still on strong, both on Voyager and in the villa. Nearly everyone was, er.. making out still. Since Marill had taken over writing the story was starting to go back to a PG rating.

Yeah um, nothing's really been described (but if you have an imagination like mine it's running wild) so it's still very PG. Also it's just making out. *cough*

Morgan and Craig were in their room. Morgan stepped out of the bedroom. Her hair was now bright orange and it was cut really short. She looked half asleep. Craig was still playing on the Game Boy while he was sitting on the couch.

Okay? They're in the same room and not infected? How odd. I'm sure this is some Ocampan bulls$$$ that's protected her, or something. It's definitely not Slayer power, and no spoilery explanation as to why.

"Did you see a weird flash of light a few hours ago? It woke me up," Morgan asked.

"Yeah I did, I have no idea what it was," Craig replied with his eyes still glued to the Game Boy screen.

Hey did you see something weird, we were expecting something weird.

Yes I saw something weird.

*waits impatiently*

"Well at least those idiots aren't yelling anymore, I couldn't sleep very well because of them," Morgan muttered as she yawned.

Did sleeping through it save her? Note I say her not them, this is Craig's fantasy after all.

But she didn't? She saw the light. I'm so confused.

She turned around to look Craig's way, with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh.. my.. god."

"What's wrong?" Craig asked.

"I saw Emma & Chakotay, and Tom & Annika kissing," Morgan muttered.

1) Chakotay's your dad. First name basis and very little reaction other than disgust to him making out with a girl your age. Morgan's a bloody sociopath.

2) Where's James and Jessie I wonder

Yeah this episode is not subtle.

"I was in a different room to you when the spell was cast. Maybe we were too far apart from each other for the spell to work," Morgan replied.

Yeah I'm still going to call bulls£$$$ on that. She was like in the bathroom I assume. And why was it so important Craig walked into their room, so we'd see his reaction after her? Like how Thrown Key is now called Jokes Are Hard, The Love Spell from here on out shall be forever known as The Bulls$$$ Spell.

"I don't know. Hang on a sec, where's Jessie and James?" Morgan asked. Craig turned pale.

"I don't think we want to know.

Danny: *WINK WINK*

They were kinda drunk before the spell was cast. And you know what they're like when they're just drunk, imagine the love spell added to that," Craig muttered.

Yeah thanks Craig. We needed that explained away to us. No need to assume and/or find this out for ourselves or anything.

"I've got an idea, Kes said that there were a few people not affected like us," Morgan said. She pulled her commbadge out of her pocket, and she tapped it gently. "Morgan to anyone on Voyager."


Seriously why didn't she think of this before?

In: "Well, so far we've discovered that the spell doesn't affect kids and people who are not near enough to the opposite sex. 

Oh my god, this spell is seriously bigotted. I hope the aliens figure this out before their next invasion... nah no I don't, they're seriously f$$$$ up if they use a make out virus to distract people.

"Well, me and Craig were in different rooms when it happened. We don't know where Jessie and James are, lets hope they were in a different room when it happened too. They were kinda drunk before hand," Morgan replied.

Ahem can I remind you guys or something before we go on? Requoting:

"Cos I could, have you got anymore?" Emma asked in a drunken way.

Yeah yeah Chakotay wasn't as I assume (it's not actually stated) that Emma drank all of his booze, and he was trying to sober her up. But that was happening when the spell hit. Just something to keep in mind.

In: "Crap, we all know where they would be if they were drunk and infected," Danny's voice said.

"Where do you mean?" Morgan asked.

Oh my god Morgan, Craig has already explained it and we didn't even need that then. Did she seriously not get it?

In: "We're not in any place too. We can't get anywhere because couples like Thompson and O'Hara have taken over turbolifts. We'll try the jeffries tube, but it will take a while," B'Elanna's voice replied.

The Bulls$$$ Spell is seriously living up to its name.

"You have to hurry, the aliens have probably already boarded the ship, and they'll try to take over the ship," Morgan said.

This is when B'Elanna asks "what aliens. Wait you knew about this, why didn't you f$$$$ warn us. You suck and go check James/Jessie's room for some trauma. Though if you didn't really care about Chakotay and a girl young enough to be his daughter, you'll probably be ok with it."

In: "Uhoh, we certainly have company," Faye said. The commlink went off.

"They're in trouble, lets hope the spell wears off over time," Craig said.

Yeah you read this right.

The many crewmembers not affected because a virus is homophobic but thankfully not into pedo stuff, are helpless against these alien intruders because all of the turbolifts are occupied and the CHIEF ENGINEER can't find anywhere to use the transporters to bring The Sue aboard as there's no other way. So they have to wait until her grand Sue-ness can recruit her infected housemates before they can come to the rescue... HOW exactly? I'm assuming Morgan will evolve into a higher being and transport them with her mind, or something.

F$$$ this

"Does anybody remember what happened last night, after the flash?" Chakotay asked.

"No," Tom muttered.

At least the virus is nice enough to memory wipe. Dunno why it does, as you'd think not doing it will mean the distraction lasts longer as people are freaking out over what they've done. But then again it's stupid enough that it has exceptions on who it infects so WHAT DO I KNOW

The door opened and Jessie & James walked into the room. "You two look a wreck, which side of the bed did you wake up on?" Tom asked.


There's no description so we only have Tom's word they look like a wreck. Which means what?? hmmmm

"Bed? I woke up on the floor," James muttered.

"It was the couch for me," Jessie said.


After two/three wink wink nudge nudge not very subtle remarks about these two during the Love Spell, the episode is seriously trying to mislead us with this they woke up in two different places rubbish. Yep. FIFTH VOYAGER

"Around twenty.. each," James replied. Morgan and Craig walked into the room.

At least it wasn't 100 (omg spoilers)

"Girls, stop it. What kind of spell?" Chakotay asked.

"You don't want to know," Craig replied.

"Craig, if you say that line one more time I'm going to hit you, hard," Morgan said

But at least it's warranted. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Jessie ran out of the room looking like she was going to be sick.

Ooops Kes got mixed up. Jessie's the telepath

It's the only possible explanation


"Are you okay, Jessie?" he asked.

"No, I feel like I'm going to die," Jessie replied.

Oh, she must've mindread the part with Seven and Tom making out. Chakotay/Seven was bad enough, I pity her.

"Oh come on, lets get into a phaser battle with the aliens!" Sid yelled.

"No, we're trying to hide from them while we come up with a plan," Danny said.

"That's no fun," Sid moaned.

Oopph I forgot


Sid was inspired by a Kidz Trek character named Sid Collie. Or more accurately he was inspired by two, Sid Collie and Kim (surname I can't remember. But considering the KT surnames gimmick I'm gonna assume it's a dog of some kind. F*** it I'm gonna call her Kim Labrador).

Sid and Kim were members of the Lillyia, but they were a little odd. Both of them were always rooting for bad things to happen. Good things were bad and vice versa. At least one of them got pleasure out of feeling pain. At some point though the two turn on the Lillyia and THEY'RE SHOCKED I TELL YOU, NO ONE SAW THESE CLEARLY EVIL CHARACTERS BEING BAD GUYS COMING.

Kim and Sid start up a petty rivalry, just so Marill can ripoff ReBoot episodes in her fake book. Because of this I'm gonna assume Kim was the bats$$$ insane one and Sid was cool and collect, the one who schemed the most. Blahblah.

I can't remember much else about them, but there you go. Sid basically took the pain part and his name, that's it really. Sid the Psycho is only his "full name" here as I think somewhere at the end of Season One I thought, "Marill you cant use the Kidz Trek surnames you fing idiot." Then the other voice in my head thought, "oh yeah, don't want anybody stealing them." Finally the original voice groans "yeah that's what I meant, not that they're really stupid and obvious." Then many years later I gave Sid his Collie surname back, it's not like he was meant to be taken seriously anyway.

"Fine. Sid, why don't you and Danny check if the corridor's clear. If it is we can try to get to Engineering and beam our people up here. We can use all the help we can get," B'Elanna said.

Only Engineering can use transporters. lolohyou

"Most of them? I want all of them!" the Captain snapped.

"Well there's still the eight on the planet, and there's four crewmembers that aren't affected by the spell somewhere onboard the ship," the alien said.

Okay, you know there are unaffected somehow but you can't find them.

And what's stopping you from firing the weapon on the planet again, or maybe Voyager itself to get the four you can't find.

Also four!? Yes I realise you couldn't infect the kids with this virus but you surely want to find them too. There's six missing, not four.

villains are stupid

The entire crew were inside a large prison. They were all unconscious. There were a few guards outside the forcefields. A few members of the crew started to wake up.

Wait, what?


So, the unaffected are the only ones on the ship now? Suspension of belief was already critical. Why can't they find them? This is ridiculous.

"I demand to know why we've been imprisoned," Kathryn said to one of the guards.

"My Captain wants your ship to trade," the guard said.

I don't know what else to say.

This episode is making it up as it goes along

"Lets hope they're okay. They're our only hope," Kathryn said.

Oh f$$$ off

Janeway wouldn't give up this easily

The entire room was dark. A crack of light suddenly shone on the ground when the door opened. Four shadow figures snuck into the room. One console near the warp core came to life.

Hahaha the aliens turned everything off on a ship they want to sell. I totalli buy this

"Why is no aliens here, I wanted to fight them?" Sid asked as he carried a big gun.


"I'm stuck on that damn screensaver again," Danny muttered.

"Try Janeway," B'Elanna said.

Giving the reader some continuity isn't going to save this episode.

Besides, why is it still the same password?

Danny typed in Janeway in the password place. The screensaver disappeared. "She still hasn't changed it ever since 'Fear' you see," B'Elanna said.


"Well, I've got transporters on-line but there's a virus inside it. It'll beam them aboard but I don't know where abouts," Danny said.


"Okay, but we risk having a few captured," Danny said.

"It's a risk we have to take," B'Elanna said.

Stop trying to be dramatic Bulls$$$ Spell. It's only boring me

"Oh great, why did I have to be teamed with Annika, with these writers writing this episode it's a death trap," Tom muttered. A few aliens with big guns appeared from around the corner. They started firing on the pair. Annika got shot in the stomach and she collapsed.

Seven Dies Count: 1

Even that was tedious and had to be explained. Sigh

James was trying to get the doors open while Jessie just stood there looking like she was ready to collapse.

"I can't get this bloody f****ng door to open," James said as he walked away from the door.

I BEG YOUR PARDON, WHAT? WHY? WHO? WHY NOT? I'm one episode away from James' "character upgrade", please tell me one aspect of it wasn't an on the spot whim and then written in immediately during Interactions/Disconnected/Resistance (delete as you think). killmenow

*remembers Voyager Nights*


"I'll try," Jessie said.

"You can't even open a tin of beans that are already open," James said.

This is an altered Red Dwarf joke and I'm not impressed, in two ways.

"I'm not bloody ill!" Jessie snapped.

"Prove it then, hit me," James said.

I didn't know Buffy and Angel were in this one. Which makes the door not opening even more frustrating. BREAK IT (seriously you're trapped in the Mess Hall during a crisis, break the damn door down James, 2/3 episodes to go ffs, prove it!!!!!) Also makes End of the Day's final scenes a bit retconny, yay.

"You haven't done anything," Jessie said.

I beg to differ!

"Er.. what if I insulted you?" James asked.

RIP James we hardly knew ye

"Er.. did you know that Jessie is a boy's name too," James said. Jessie hit him but not very hard.



ok maybe not, but it was close enough!

"I'm not bloody ill! Get the point!" Jessie yelled. They both heard banging on the door at one end of the room.

"Uhoh, we've got company," James said.

Why would you think that? Banging on doors to get through them is clearly an impossible task.

The doors exploded and three aliens ran into the room. They noticed that nobody was in the room. They looked around. One had a tricorder and he scanned around. He pointed towards Neelix's kitchen. The others ran over to it. One walked inside and he collapsed to the floor. The others smelt something disgusting, it smelt like leola root stew.

Okay this, this I can get behind. lol

they then heard the small door open and close. So they ran out.

Small door, you mean the one in the kitchen. Where the aliens currently are. Yeah solid plan guys.

"That bloody door was open and you were trying to open that bigger door!" Jessie snapped.


"Don't yell at me, everybody forgets about that door," James said. They both turned the corner, Jessie started to slow down so she stopped. She put her hand on the wall for support. James rushed back over to her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Who knows, she's suffering from forced plot device I think. The whole episode is full of it. It'd be over by now without them. Though the actual reason is stupider so shhhhh!

Jessie tried to step away from the wall but she lost her balance. James managed to catch her but the aliens had already caught up with them.

Let me guess. Morgan's going to be the last one standing and save the day. Be more obvious.

"Er.. Chakotay," Emma said. Chakotay turned to look her way. About five aliens were facing them with weapons aimed at them. Emma was already aiming a rifle at them but it was obvious that she wouldn't win against five.


"Please tell me you two have good news," B'Elanna said.

"Well sort of. I thought that the Doctor might still be in Sickbay, maybe he can go around the ship and get more weapons without the risk of being shot himself," Morgan said.

Yeah I'm sure they'll try, realise that and let him go on his merry way. Not beam him to the prison with the others or anything. This plan is flawless.

"I'll tell you about the emergency Doc, the ship is being taken over by aliens and we are the only ones left," B'Elanna said.

"What! Everyone is dead!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"No you dip stick! They've been taken captive, we need to retake control of the ship, in order to do that we need your help," Morgan said angrily.

1) Way to jump to epic conclusions Doc

2) Morgan, slap yourself and leave. That "bedside" manner is atrocious.

"I've got a better idea, follow me," the Doctor said

Yeah I imagine anyone could have a better idea at this point.

"When the aliens raided Sickbay they managed to take the Captain but they were unable to get me. I managed to sedate this one. I was working on a way to disable the aliens before more aliens arrived and deactivated me," the Doctor said.

Oh yeh I forgot the Doc was infected. Dunno why we couldn't have seen this though. I'm sure seeing the drinking game on the planet was more fun.

"Disable the aliens? We need to kill them," Morgan said.

Oh dear, this is Upendi Morgan. Psychopath extraordinair!

"I discovered that the love virus they placed on the ship actually can do damage to them. That is why they had to wait a few hours before boarding the ship. If we find a way to reproduce the virus we can infect all the aliens on this ship. They won't be too badly hurt, but it will make them want to leave the ship," the Doctor said.

Holy convenience pull out of your ass solution Batman

And god that's a dark suggestion from the Doc.

Is this why it's homophobic too?? Will it kill them if it weren't even hours later, what?

"I would think you would already know the answer to that. The virus doesn't work if you are not close enough to the opposite sex. You all just have to be at the right place at the right time," the Doctor replied.

Yes I've covered the reminded everyone that this episode is homophobic bit Doc, I'm not about to let anyone forget that.

A Borg crewmember, however, will still have the virus inside their systems. Don't ask me for a scientific explanation but it happens to be true, according to the simulation," the Doctor said.



"Great, why do I always have to be the one who's experimented on," Morgan muttered.

Did I miss a few episodes?

"It better not. Even though we masked our commbadge signals they can still find us," B'Elanna said.

Oh there was an explanation for that crap. Tough. I either missed you mentioning that due to being extremely bored and angry, something that's the episode's fault, or you didn't.

"I'll go, I'll just beat them up if they try to touch me," Morgan said.

"They have weapons," Craig said.

"Yeah, and I have a plan," Morgan said.

"Maybe Sid should go with you, since he already has a weapon," B'Elanna said.

Now that's how you do a distraction.

"I'll go to," Craig said.

"Why?" Morgan asked.

Because you're stronger than him Morgan and that's just not on.

"Even if you're a Slayer, who has telekinetic powers, you're still vulnerable. I think you need more than Sid to go with you on this mission," Craig replied.

See. How is she vulnerable Craig. If you don't answer I'm marking you.



Sexist Crap Count: 1

I'm sure some people will tell me Craig does this crap all the time with Morgan and shouldn't be a surprise. Yeah it's not, I'm aware. It's a flaw of his that gets addressed many times.

"Captain, three of the humans are in the turbolift. They're heading up here," one alien said.

"They're so stupid. They really think we don't know about the virus, cut the power to the lifts," the Captain ordered.

Whut, aliens are actually smart? plottwisty!

"Don't panic, I was hoping they'd do this," Morgan said. She pulled off the panel next to the door. She tried to use the controls but nothing would work.

Of course she did

Morgan thought, "to hell with this bull s***."

I got you beat by 3/4 of an episode Morgan

She used her assimilations tubules to assimilate the panel. It sparked a couple of times, she removed her tubules just before the panel exploded. They heard the emergency panel open on the ceiling.

Morgan the Sue Count: 6

This is Sueness on another level, this reeks of Seven. I thought the point of Morgan was to make her not like Seven. But meh, what do I know, I only created her.

Also I thought Thrown Key Part 2 removed all of the Borg stuff. hmmmmmmmm

Craig held out his hands to Morgan. She placed her hand on his arm to steady herself as she put her right foot onto his hand. She then pushed herself onto both of his hands, he managed to push her up and she climbed out of the shaft. She held out her hand. Craig took it and she managed to pull him up easily. Then she held out her hand for Sid. She pulled him up with no trouble at all.

God I haven't been this bored in a while

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, she's wonderful

"Who are you anyway? Super Woman?" Sid asked.

"Sort of," Morgan replied.

Morgan the Sue Count: 7

I absolutely adore and am so proud of Morgan, or more accurately Lena. She represents my love of writing, inspired a series I was eventually proud of, inspired/s my future work. I love her backstory, the whole paradox, but most of all I like her. I actually thought she was quite unique, funny but not too obnoxious about it, quite realistic as a troubled teen with a past, and then the tragic adult later on.

But I really, really can't stand THIS Morgan, which makes it all the more painful for me. I can handle hating a character I didn't like or was indifferent over anyway, but it feels so strange disliking her.

There's nothing really there that is her, you know. You might not notice, I'm not sure, but because she's mine I notice it a lot. Morgan is and never was supposed to be violently deranged, rude on purpose all the time, and "best" of all *drumroll* SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A PERFECT SNOWFLAKE SAVING THE DAY ALL THE TIME. F$$$, no her point was to show up who I think is really a perfect save the day snowflake by showing more character and development, flaws you know, than her. Yeah Morgan's initial point was the paradox from Kidz Trek, but this was always there too.

I'm not that surprised. I remembered quite recently how she was. Doesn't make it less annoying.

"That's good, I was looking forward to throwing you," Morgan said.

"What do you mean by that?" Sid asked. Morgan grabbed his arm and she pulled him up higher so he was more level to her.

Lol when I was writing another character sneaking into the Bridge via a turbolift, I was concerned it would seem too "much", you know? This person is strong and whatnot, lets not shove it in readers faces and have other characters marvel at them. I wanted people to root for them, not be bored s$$$less because they're so awesome they're obviously going to succeed. I didn't realise that Morgan already had a scene like this and I clearly didn't have the same thought process when I did it. Ohwell.

"It's a long way down," Sid replied.

"You can jump down the shaft another time, dick head," Morgan muttered.

Ahha, now I know what word or rather term is appropriate to describe this Morgan. For the moment though OUCH THE EDGE

"How are you going to open the door if you can't reach it?" Craig asked.

"No time to explain, you can ask Kes later. Sid, get ready to fire," Morgan said. 

Yeah I'm sure he'll be able to ask Kes later. FU. Just say it. You're already obnoxiously perfect, super hero like. Why not?

Morgan moved her right hand to the right and suddenly the doors opened. "Now!" she yelled.

Morgan the Sue Count: 8

She didn't know she had these powers yesterday. But she can use them just fine.

Anyway this plan works in a single paragraph.

"That was cool, how did you open the door?" Craig asked.

"Kes said that some of the powers I would deve


In: "Torres to Janeway, status!" B'Elanna said.

"We're on the Bridge, but we need a few more minutes to fix the environmental systems," Morgan replied.

So um, what are B'Elanna and co doing again? Thumb dwiddling? Writing Morgan fanfiction?

One tried to hit her but she picked him up and threw him across the Bridge. He nearly landed on Craig.

"Morgan, try not to throw guys at me!" Craig yelled.

Nope, this'd be funny to me without everything else

It's just another

Morgan the Sue Count: 9


Craig continued to work at the console, it started making beepy noises.

"Got it," Craig said. Morgan ran into the Ready Room.

Meanwhile all the aliens on the ship were in total agony.

"They're shields are down, and they're arming weapons," Sid said. Craig rushed over to the helm.

my everything hurts

"A lot though. With their shields down we could easily destroy their ship, killing our crew in the process. It's the same with us," Craig said.

So what you're saying is this battle is pointless as well as boring.

"The aliens have over a hundred crewmembers onboard, we've got about sixty more to get. Unfortunately they've got faster transporters," Sid replied.

Oh okay? A transporter race? still bored

"Where's their transporter controls?" Morgan asked.

"The higher deck, why?" Sid asked.

"You stupid twit, if you damage them it could slow them down," Craig said.


"If we don't hurry we'll be destroyed as well," Craig said.

"Sid!" Morgan yelled.

"I've got them," Sid said.


Voyager quickly turned around and flew off. The alien ship suddenly exploded. A shockwave emerged from the explosion and it hit Voyager. The shockwave pushed it forward violently. The shockwave eventually died down. But Voyager was in shambles.


"Morgan, you've done it again," Craig muttered.

"What do you mean?" Morgan asked.

"You've damaged the ship really bad again," Craig replied.

Oh Morgan helped but the ship's damaged, so she's not all that perfect.


"Morgan to Engineering," Morgan said. All she heard was B'Elanna screaming.

In: "Morgan, beam B'Elanna to Sickbay now!" Danny yelled.


B'Elanna was lying on the biobed, Tom was standing next to her and he was holding her hand. She suddenly screamed out again and so did Tom, she almost crushed his hand. They both heard a baby crying.




Marill's house:


"It kinda crashed when we were saving it, so we only got up to the log. So we're finishing the story off again," Marill replied.

How cute, you think this is a story

"Why is there knife marks in the tower?" Raichu asked.

"Marill tried stabbing it when it crashed," Charizard replied. Marill looked innocent.

The Bulls$$$ Spell to the very end.

"This is the last scene," Marill replied.

"So why aren't we in the cast list?" Raichu asked.

"Er.. that's because er.. freeze frame!" Charizard yelled. Everything froze and dramatic music started.

Yes that's it folks

Oh except that FV now does the "NEXT TIME ON..." gag every episode now, so you know I gotta:

Will the ones not affected by the spell tell the ones affected what happened during the spell?

Tom was one of them so I think we're safe. HAHANOPE THIS IS FV. I'M SURE MORGAN WILL TELL

Will that second of last scene in the first part ever be explained?

What scene, I can't rem...don't care

Where the hell did Sid come from?


And why wasn't Raichu and Vulpix in the cast list. All will be revealed in the next episode of Fifth Voyager!

BECAUSE THEY SUCK AND YOU KNOW IT, but that doesn't explain why Marill was on it. Hmm tis a mystery.

oh thank god Interactions is next. For a short time, Dimension Jump excluded, FV isn't that bad. Be prepared for the series' just ok phase. woohoo! (okay Resistance deserves better than that, I apologise)




1) James' name change is only there because I had between Thrown Key and Love Spell decided that I wanted him to be a Stuart not a Taylor. If I had waited until Interactions that would've gave him a legit reason for him wanting to change his surname. And secondly, it still didn't say Stuart was part of his name. When does he become Taylor-Stuart? I'm serious. HALP

2) Why does anyone still humour Tom's Holodeck adventures, or rather get tricked into going? Even if he promised and showed proof his new program was a nice villa with a pool I could stay in on my own for a week, with shops filled with rare video games and music, I still would stay at home. He's not to be trusted.

3) Faye's Puppy In My Pockets bit. NO.ONE.CARES

4) The Blind Date scenes could've been quite funny potentially. I only smiled at a couple of bits, the rest was quite dull.

5) Harry gets a crush on Jessie out of nowhere and I'm willing to bet once Interactions rolls around it'll be gone. I won't mark Tom's "sudden" attraction to her down as Thrown Key and this have had him mostly admitting in his mind he likes how fiesty she is, and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out he taunts her to get said reactions (we don't need Harry telling us either). I wrote these scenes in later episodes with the idea in mind that Tom teases her about James to make himself feel better. He knows she won't ever go out with him, but if he attaches her to someone else then he's not to blame for the rejection, she's just taken already. I hope that makes sense. It's also why Tom can go from hating James to liking/admiring him so much he's desparate to befriend him. I get a lot of s$$$ wrong I know, but imo mc character development is my jam (or at this stage in FV, will be). I can't remember if it was done intentionally in Season One or not.

But yeah Harry, pfft!

6) The Tom/James/Harry Blind Date bit has many issues, but I'll be kind to narrow them down into one section/point. First: Tom thinks that Harry's previous crushes aren't attractive because they're aliens. Second: James' answers give me the heebies. He's portrayed to be meek and well, it has to be said; innocent. I begrudingly accept that if this was in early Season One I'd buy it, just a little. However he's one episode off his so called character u-turn. Even in S1 he seemed more assertive and witty, and I'm not keen on the intent for having him say "oh it's up to her" for two answers to make him seem the ideal choice out of the three, while we're on the topic. He can still be a sweet date if he picked somewhere for them to go (especially if he was the one who asked) and surprised her with a present she didn't ask for. Infact he does these things, in the prequels but hey... which brings me back to the character u-turn. Interactions, Disconnected, Resistance, Games Resistance develop him into what he is today. This is the episode before it. No wonder I thought this was abrupt. It's only like that if you skipped Season One, he's shown more backbone and personality in that than in this season so far. It's bound to give anyone whiplash.

7) I have no why idea why any of the "couples" thought they had to go on this date holiday. Tom can't force them and I think he wouldn't as he got the worst date.

8) The spell only pairs up men and women. NO GAYS ALLOWED. What makes this so much worse as I kept whining, is that the point of it is so the crew are too distracted to notice or care that aliens are kidnapping them and locking them in prison (oh god, I don't wanna imagine the prison before the spell wore off). Surely it'd work better if it paired anyone up. This complaint also applies to the characters who are too far away from each other. Yeah yeah you need some characters to stage the rescue, but since we've got the forced holidaymakers who can't be infected for as long and perhaps one odd one out if the crew had an uneven crew amount, that would've been enough. Reboot should have the 8 on the planet plus B'Elanna. Perhaps Sid since he's wired a little differently as it is.

9) The aliens knew exactly where the holiday members were. They must've. It's an isolated island with one building on. So you might get Psoni, so what? Whoever's the odd one out will be traumatised by the sights to do anything. It's just an excuse to let Morgan save the day later. If the story didn't "need" the spell to hit the planet it'd be fine.

10) The near kiss scene between Morgan and Craig comes out of nowhere. Their conversation wasn't even that interesting. It makes me wonder what Craig puts in his hair.

11) Kes' expositionathon is Suefully painful, it's earned a twofer. (2)

12) After I assume Morgan has gotten everyone to ditch or screw up their commbadges, she decides the best course of action is to chill out? Or she tells Chakotay and that's his brilliant plan? I know there's very little they can do if they can't contact Voyager but still, they don't seem too broken up about it.

13) There's a lot of stupid excuses to keep the plot from progressing until the villa's infected recover. It's so blatantly telling you that the day can't be saved without Morgan. Also why is only Engineering the only place you can use the transporters?

14) Yep the villains have a motivation but it's weak. One line and its over, why bother even mentioning it?

15) The prove you're not sick by hitting me bit left a funky taste in my mouth. Did not want.

16) Newly Awakened Superhero Morgan grinds my gears. Wake me up when she becomes Lena, thanks.

SPOILERY Negatives:

17) Jessie really shouldn't be ill this damn quickly. Like a certain other episode I hate that commits a similar sin, it just shows how incredibly stupid and naive I was back in the day. It's not instant Marill, it's only been a few hours at most. I know you're a delicate ugly flower at 16 but look it up before writing drivel ok!

18) Why can't James break the door down or open it? Resistance is only a few episodes away. With all the hints before this are you seriously trying to convince me that a huge twist like his wasn't decided already? GTFO, FV isn't that stupid. And yes, I lied about giving this one a pass.

Sub-total: 19


1) I joked but J/C being civil and professional was a nice touch, not because they should be because they're in charge and should be acting this way. No, my reason is the J/C relationship is at its best when they're bickering, they never really agree. It's a sign that something is very wrong with them. And I like that the episode did this. I imagine it was intentional but I wouldn't bet on it.

2) I still find it funny that Tom created the Blind Date program probably to annoy everyone, but ended up with Seven as his date even with B'Elanna in the lineup. It's the ultimate definition of "you've played yourself."

Sub-total: 2

Marill's Rating: 10%

Rankings So Far:

#1 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#2 The Love Spell: 10%



Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 39 + 30 (130)

Sexist Crap Count: 1 + 1 (5)

Jessie's Sin Points: 0 (2)

Morgan the Sue Count: 1 + 9 (13)

Seven Dies Count: 1 + 1 (6)

James Kill Count: 0 (1)

Lilly Ex Machina: 0 (1)

OMG ME TOO! James' Out Of Character Bulls***: 3 (8)

Just A Little Bit More: 0 (4)

Playing With Your Dolls Again: Phew ok, um I think in the grand scheme of things only 1 was really forced with the Love Spell plot (Jessie/James) so 1 point there, the Blind Date pushed them again and Morgan/Craig so 2. Thankfully the latter weren't forced to make out but only Jessie's counter allows point reductions so the grand total is 3. (6)

I think Just A Little Bit More and Lilly Ex Machina could be the counters I remove, but these two do become a problem if they haven't (and I've missed them) already. I already said Jessie's will only go once she reaches zero or minus. This'll be it for now.

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