Marill Re-Reads "Kiss of Death"

Previously on Marill Re-Reads, Marill expected at least two half decent entries to Season Two and a meh third but got mostly trash, so... With the last readable episode being Saturday Night and poor memories of the next two, her expectations are extremely low.

At least, she recalls naively, Kiss of Death has some redeeming features; Tani gets commuppance and plenty of James/Jessie fluff, while The Slayers is some painful Pokémon 3 The Movie re-enactment. However she also naively believed The Resurrection didn't need a reboot. To prepare herself for the inevitable torture she enlists the help of more caffeine than usual and leftover Christmas snacks.

And now the conclusion


"What do you mean you're quitting?" Morgan yelled.

"Well duh, it means I'm quitting," Lilly muttered in response. Morgan groaned and she walked towards the wall. Craig quickly got out of the way.


"I'm sorry, but I can't sing in the PokéBall band and be Captain at the same time," Lilly said.

oh. in the true spirit of Season Two lately, my spirits have been dashed and kicked in the no-nuts

"We carry on as normal. To be honest Barbie Girl is better sung in an even numbered band," Morgan replied.

Barbie Girl was sung by two people, with primarily female vocals. But yeah, dividing them between two boys and two girls seem very fair. having a third girl in the mix would make it totally uneven

"Geez, the next thing you know Jessie & James will be wanting to leave," Morgan said.

"Why?" Craig asked.

OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED. EVERYTHING WAS SO GOOD, THEY WERE SO HAPPY of course mean Marill did something to them, that's what she does, the cow

"I'll not answer that," Morgan replied quickly.


"Well I don't know, they're not babysitting Duncan cos they did that last night. They should be here," Morgan replied.



Craig: neither do I, but I'm sure it means I hate him so, hope he dies

"Janeway to Rex & Stuart. Craig wants you to get your lazy butts down to the holodeck," Morgan said. Craig turned to her with a bewildered expression.

wow, awkward

In: "Give us a break, we were babysitting Duncan up until two this morning."

"Sorry Jess, it's not my fault, blame Craig," Morgan said. Craig looked even more nervous than before.

uhhuh, i believe you, really

but seriously, why would you get babysitters and then pick your kid up at 2 when they're asleep. May as well wait till next morning.

i believe them ;)

In: "Tell me, does this Barbie Girl song include killing Craig?"

yep, James ain't cranky about this interuption one bitty bit (I'm not assuming, I read the next line)

"Nope, sorry, Jimmy," Morgan replied.


PokéBall were performing their version of Barbie Girl on a stage in front of a holographic audience. Morgan headed to the edge of the stage and she brought the microphone to her lips.

"She's a blonde, bimbo cow in the TV industry. Dress her up in a catsuit and she's a star," she sang.

Oh this one's kept, of course it is. Surely parodying a song called Barbie Girl to be about somebody you constantly call Barbie is a bit too easy. Also a bit mean cos she's locked up and won't hear it.

"She's his doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamor and pink. Attack her there, kill her here. Yeah lets go!" he sang. Jessie came forward and took Craig's place, beside Morgan.



"You can chop. You can stab. If she says "Voyager is mine"," they both sang. Morgan and Jessie both stepped further back to re-join the guys.



oh sorry, lets see if I get better or worse

"She's a Barbie Girl, in a crazy world. Life in catsuits, it's disastrous. You can hack her arms off... axe her everywhere. Imagination, that is Seven's death," they all sang in unison.

Wow, that's more violent than I remember. Here I thought Hands Are Red was the worst one (it could be)

well I suppose 3/4 of them have been killed by Seven, so I get it, it's YIKES but I get it.

"Make her suffer, make her die. Do what ever you please. She can be like a punch bag. She can fall dead at your feet," she sang. James made his way over to Jessie's side.

"Come, join in, be her killer. Let us do it again. Grab the knife, stab around. Lets get chain-saws," he sang. Morgan came forward and took James' place, beside Jessie.


So far Jessie's verse is my favourite, I can actually sing along to that. I can't believe that Morgan's is the tame one, cos yeah. Figured she and James would get the worst, and yeah James' is the worst, I mean come on CHAINSAWS. ohlol you lovable murderer

"This song's rather accurate," Tom said.

It is? What have they been doing to Seven behind the sce.... JAMES, STOP THAT, WE WANNA SEE THAT S$$$

"I am, I'm just waiting for the song to finish, then I've got to interview somebody on the Bridge," Tom replied. Nearly everybody rushed into the turbolifts. Kathryn rushed into her Ready Room. Tuvok stood at his station like a dope.


"Oh I'm having so much fun!" she yelled.

"Well guys, we're just getting started," Craig said.

"Oh I love killing Seven," Morgan said.

Seriously, is Craig writing his own lyrics or is he keep losing to the rock, paper, scissors and getting the crud lines

"Another um.. great song by PokéBall, they'll be back later with a Steps song called Chain Reaction. But now, it's time for our viewers choice Pokémon episode," B'Elanna said.

ohkay, I wonder want this one's gonna be like


no, this one isn't as open to parody. need to listen to it




meh, I could do it. Dunno if I ever actually parodied it though. lets find out

In: "Sorry, I can't, I'm performing Chain Reaction in a minute."

"Well I'm sure you've got enough time to tell me why you deactivated my program Thursday night," the Doctor said.

I don't think you're listening Doc. SHE'S GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, gawd

and oh yeah that, if I do decide to delete that ending, I gotta insinuate she still did it. It's all about the mood breaking

In: "Stop looking at me like that....."

In: "Oh crap, when did you do that?"

In: "Er, after I left the Doc's office. I went through the other door."

"Morgan, you didn't, you must of left through the main door, since the console you used was in the main part of Sickbay," the Doctor said.

Tom: Hi guys, to avoid future misunderstandings like this, I suggest this.

*walks out five minutes later with a video camera imprint in his nose*

Morgan felt rather uneasy, James and Jessie just stood there staring at her.

"Er, I think we should go to the stage now," Morgan muttered.

Just A Little Bit More: 1

well darn, I told you this was proper awkward

"No, of course not. You should thank me cos I deactivated the Doctor so he wouldn't see you," Morgan said.

yeahno, that's a mood killer if I've ever read one, and I HAVE

Didn't this band have four members, OH TOO SOON

Craig ran up to them.

"Guys, we have to go now," he said and he headed back the way he came. Jessie groaned and she followed him.

mmmm convenience, yum

"Were you actually planning on telling us that you knew?" James asked.

"Well, yeah, of course. I just didn't see a good time to, that's all," Morgan replied.

well yeah, I guess

Band: "No more left to say"

Morgan: Actually that's not true, I walked in on you two making out, again! So erm, I know.

James/Jessie: uh

Craig: I hate him so much


As far as we know the movie was a flop, but we're still carrying on with dignity.

The Mess Hall:
"Where is my Emmy! You promised me an Emmy!" Harry yelled.

No I promised an Emma. Typo's are my thing, ya know (omg I did the ya thing again!)

"Calm down. The movie's only been finished for two days, give it a chance. So far we've had one review on," Raichu said calmly.

ugh, I knew we hadn't seen the last of the writers, but UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

wait, a review? What did it say? "wtf is this? I was promised mummies."

we'll never know

"I wasn't expecting the movie to be big either, but it will hopefully grow. And besides it'll stick around for a lot longer than a normal movie at the cinema," Marill said.

"Is that a good thing?" Raichu asked. Marill glared at her.

hahaha OH SNAP

"Wait a second!" Morgan yelled. Everyone stared at her oddly. "I just wanted to know who wrote those disgusting scenes in the movie," Morgan muttered.


Tom came in carrying Duncan who was crying extremely loudly. Tom walked over to Morgan, James and Jessie.

"Please babysit again, I'll pay you anything," Tom moaned. Jessie and James glanced at each other, and they smiled evilly, then they looked back at Tom.

ohno, please don't do this again. you know he's your kid, stop it

"Name it," Tom said.

"Don't take the micky out of anybody," James said.

"What?" Tom said.

Yeah what, Tom's not gonna know what take the micky means? Right!?

And again what? Tom not insulting anyone? ha! I'm sure we've done this one already, and I'm sure in that one I remembered Kiss of Death existed and my mood dropped

"What! What kind of condition is this!" Tom grumbled. Duncan started crying again, even louder than usual.

"Take it or leave it," James said.

Well, at least James and Jessie aren't bartering time with their own son for money anymore. Making Tom sweat a bit when he doesn't know is a bit mean spirited though.

"Damn, I had a really good insult in mind," Tom muttered as he looked at what Neelix was serving for breakfast. He looked back at Jessie.

He thought, "there's something different about her... haha, her face looks a mess, and what the hell is she wearing. Ooh Janeway's not going to like this. Hey, why is Morgan looking at me like that?"

oh, the thoughts gimmick. what a welcome ret.. nope

And why is Tom thinking about Jessie's clothes and face? well wouldn't you like to know

"Well he was thinking more of less the same thing I was thinking," Morgan said.

"And what's that?" James asked.

"Well, it looks like Jessie forgot a few things this morning," Morgan replied. Jessie folded her arms and pouted.


"Well I happen to like myself this way," Jessie muttered.

"Yeah but, I've known you for two years, and I've never seen you outside your quarters without makeup on," Morgan said.

oh. that's it?



"James tell me, how long has she been obsessed with make up?" Morgan asked.

"Well, her sister first got her into it when she was ten, so nearly eighteen years," James replied.

Ooooh, not a good start Jamesy. Don't jump on the pile up, rookie mistake

"Will you two leave me alone! If I don't want to wear makeup anymore what's it to you!" Jessie snapped.


"Yeah I know, but it just seems weird, how did it happen?" Morgan asked.

"Well when you and Craig forced me out of bed at 0800 hours yesterday, I didn't have time to put makeup on, or even a uniform on. I just had time to put regular clothes on, that was it. I didn't even get time to do my hair," Jessie replied.


Are you trying to insinuate that Jessie not only left her quarters before doing her hair and makeup, but went on stage in front of the entire crew to perform two songs too?

try pulling another one, ha! old school Jess just wouldn't have shown up, and that's a fact.

I dunno if the episode outright states why she's not as uptight about her appearance. And no "Morgan calling me out of bed for the Barbie Girl show" isn't it, cos we know she'd have to not care in the first place to run out of her quarters before her routine to get there on time.

It's a little sweet but worrying at the same time. I'll let the episode continue just in case it does explain. For now, the only clue I have (and you probably already got it) is DAMN James, no wonder the girls flock to your yard, damn.

"Oh, so that explains the fact that you're going to duty in leggings and a tank top," Morgan said.

I'm sure James isn't complaining


Jessie playfully hit him in the arm.

"Come on, we have to get to duty," she said and she walked out.

Ack, the cute metre's starting to smoke

"Don't forget, don't let Duncan sit in my mother's chair, she was quite teed off last time," Morgan said. Duncan just giggled.

"Right, let Duncan sit in your mother's chair, I'll remember that," James said.

haha, seriously it's getting hard to breathe in here

"Great, she'll probably come complaining to me," Morgan muttered. Jessie walked back in.

"Are you coming or not?" she asked. James groaned and he headed towards the main doors.

oooph honeymoon's over, stop hanging with the girl who forcefully made out with you in previous episodes. NO THE OTHER ONE. What do you mean she's shouting at you, THE OTHER OTHER ONE............ god, James really needs to get a tazer

"Oh Jess, isn't it a little convenient that you stopped wearing makeup and uniforms as soon as you and James got together?" Morgan asked quietly. Jessie turned bright red.

Quietly? Did she wait for James to leave, cos if not, he needs a hearing test

No matter how quietly you say it, Jessie's at the door, you're at a table. People in between you heard this. NICE ONE MORGAN

And yes Morgan, yes it's a little convenient. stay tuned

"No of course not. Besides, normal girls would wear more makeup if they got off with a guy," Jessie replied.


Poor choice of words Jess, ORR? on an unrelated note, the rest of the comment earns a

Sexist Crap Count: 1

Still think you have it backwards, but hey, I'll still complain at the stereotype

"Do you think I was better off with makeup?" Jessie whispered.

"Nope, personally I think he only likes you for your personality," Morgan said quietly.

"I wasn't talking about his opinion, or who cares, forget I said anything," Jessie said.

I missed the part where Morgan or Jessie walks over to the other. They're still talking with quite a sizeable gap between them. A lot of people are reeling from the got off comment.

You know, this is actually quite an interesting sneak peak into Jessie, cos this is stuff I used for her development and background. but anyhoo

"Doctor, can you get Tuvok to report to Sickbay, somehow. I'll explain when I arrive," Kathryn said as she stood up.


"And the point of that is?" the Doctor asked.

"Well, most of the crew are complaining about how unemotional he is. Maybe we could just give him some emotions, just for a day of two," Kathryn replied.

Nomally the Doctor would tell her to gtfo with that nonsense, and to cut down while she's at it. However this is likely psycho Disconnected Doc and he loves unethical experiments

"But Captain, that emotion chip I conveniently made for this episode, and this episode only, is highly experimental. I can't get the thing to connect to the right person," the Doctor said.

this is not funny, k?

"We'd better prey to god this thing doesn't make him experience Emma, or Tani, or as a matter of fact any girl who has an infatuation with someone at the moment. This thing will make it seem like Tuvok has the same infatuation," the Doctor muttered as he finished fiddling with a hypospray.



"Well, the crew will be entertained for a few days," Kathryn said as she shrugged her shoulders.

oh yeah, I see no issue with this


"Surprisingly happy, Captain. I feel the need to have some Cherry Coke," Tuvok replied, he then walked out. The Doctor groaned.

"Well that narrows who it could be down to about, 140," the Doctor said.

Well at least it isn't me. I'm never happy

"Do you think I look stupid without makeup on?" Jessie asked. James stopped in his tracks, and he laughed.

"What kind of question is that?" he said questioningly. Jessie stopped, and she went over to face him.


but can we stop doing this sometime soon;

"Blah blah," character 1 muttered. Character 2 reacted.

"Blah just blah," character 2 muttered in a sad voice. Character 1 reacted.


Meanwhile, just around the corner, Tani was watching. She thought, "she always looks stupid to me."



"Well, lets put it this way. I liked you before you started putting that, stuff on your face. In my opinion it doesn't make any difference. Personally, I think it's a waste of rations," James replied.

well, he could say it better, but sure yeah buy it.

"Yeah, but I feel stupid," Jessie said.

You didn't until people, Tom and Morgan, started pointing and laughing. Now I feel bad for the EMERGENCY EVACUATE jokes cos I know Jessie (now, in Season Two) has genuine reasons for covering her face with makeup, reasons I know all too well, I just handle differently to her :(

"Well I think you should keep one thing in mind," James said.

"And what's that?" Jessie asked.

"Well, I fell for you, not the makeup," James replied.



Tani thought, "please tell me he didn't say that."


"You know, you say the sweetest things," Jessie muttered, she then kissed him. Duncan giggled slightly.



"I'm going back to our quarters, I'm sick of this damn uniform," James said.

GIG...oh misread. I'm sure Jessie misheard and is disappointed, cos yeah after a smooch and someone said go back home and clothes, what else would you think they meant? Definitely not; I feel dumb in a uniform brb. damn James, MOMENT KILLER

Jessie continued down the corridor. She turned the corner and she ran into an angry looking Tani.

"Hi slut," she said.

"Hi whore, what do you want?" Jessie asked.

Sexist Crap Count: 3

Come on, this little cow has it coming. less whore and more punchy, Jessie needs her sin counter zero'd

"I'm not a whore," Tani muttered. Duncan started crying again incredibly loudly.

"He must of seen you," Jessie said.

poor Duncan, I know the feeling. I'm sick of this too

"Well, he was quiet until we ran into you," Jessie said.

"Quiet yes, but his mouth wasn't exactly closed," Tani said.

um. does Tani think Jessie meant James in this exchange, how?

"Duncan? I thought you were talking about James," Tani said. Jessie burst out laughing.

"Well he's not really here, so I don't think so," Jessie said.

"I didn't think that would stop you. 


stop what? i'm so confused

 I really don't know what he sees in you," Tani muttered.

Mutual consent, mutual affection, mutual respect etc, friendship, cuteness, chemistry... I could go on all day.

"Ohno indeed. I wouldn't care I thought you two were faking it at the beginning of the movie," Tani said.

"We were," Jessie said.

"Don't tell me, you were faking it just before," Tani said.

"Yeah, we knew you were watching actually," Jessie said.

"Are you taking me for a fool?" Tani asked.


"Fine, if this is a trick you wouldn't mind if I kissed him again," Tani said.

Can I remind you that you're doing this with James' son caught in the middle, who hasn't been described as no longer crying. I'm annoyed at Tani for really being a pest, but Jessie, kid first, jealous cow maybe tenth.

"You wouldn't dare," Jessie said.

"I would, and why would you care?" Tani asked.

"Because I'm his friend," Jessie replied.


"Or my suspicion is right," Tani said.

That you're an oblivious idiot who needs to stop going to Nice Guy school, yeah.

If it's Jessie likes James as well, then the most obvious award goes tooooooo

"Oh give it up," Jessie muttered and she put Duncan on the ground nearby her feet, he stopped crying, and he started giggling again.

That doesn't seem like the best idea, but he's no longer upset so...fine.

"So, what's with the makeup then?" Tani asked.

"What makeup?" Jessie asked.

"That's my point," Tani replied.

ugh, this my patient readers, this is why Jessie's slapped the stuff on all her life. Sheesh, no wonder her insecurities are so damn high

"Well, I think you need an opinion off somebody who doesn't suck up to you," Tani said.

DAMN, NO GIGGITY HERE. still too mean spirited to be OHSNAPPED though

"James doesn't suck up to me," Jessie growled.

"He does, cos you look terrible, and he doesn't want to admit it," Tani said.

"I don't see why I have to get an opinion off a slut," Jessie muttered.

Sexist Crap Count: 4

"Jess, have you looked in a mirror lately? The only slut here is you. I mean that kid of yours down there, that kind of thing always happens to sluts who sleeps with their best friends," Tani said.

Sexist Crap Count: 6

Well yeah, and you know why that happened? James was either like yes/okaydokey or he instigated it. Neither of which will happen with you, unless the former is in answer to the question "do you want me to sod off forever?" You're mad cos I think you know this, and it's far easier for you to blame Jessie than your creepy ass stalker/wannabe rapist self.


"I was drunk and under a love spell!" Jessie yelled.

"Emma was drunk, wasn't she. You didn't see her sleeping with Chakotay, Craig or Tom," Tani said.

"Chakotay, Tom and Craig weren't drunk," Jessie said.

"Was James drunk?" Tani asked.

oh Jessie. She's involved with James now and she's still in denial. Yeahyeah she was drunk and love spelled, but unfortunately Tani has a point.

"Of course he was, he wouldn't of done anything if he wasn't," Jessie replied angrily.

Yeah, he didn't seem too impressed with drunk Jessie in the last one. though he did let the kiss happen, so erm... nah I'm with Jessie on this one, kissing is one thing but love spell baby making, nah no way was he sober. then again, I know this cos I wrote it *shrug*

"How do you know, you don't remember anything. For all you know, he took advantage of you," Tani said.

Hang on, I'm getting confused. Tani wants James to herself, so she does this by making Jessie think he's a drugrapist? WHAT?

I know Tani thinks her forcing him to kiss her meant they were married, however she knows what she said was a bad thing. SO CONFUSED, WHAT'S WRONG HER. AND DON'T SAY THE ANSWER IS IN WHY OH WHY, IT ISN'T, THAT WAS AN EXCUSE. TANI WAS RANDOMLY PICKED FOR THAT PLOT, THE ONLY CRITERIA WAS "I NEED AN UNLIKABLE BITCH"

"Don't swear in front of the kid, he might try copying off you. By hell we don't want another Jessie," Tani said.

"You know, if I wasn't so tired I would hit you," Jessie said.


All of a sudden Jessie collapsed. "Hmm, any excuse to get out of an argument," Tani said. Duncan started crying again.


but aaaw Duncan, bless him. Of course seeing someone collapse would be upsetting to any kid, still there's been evidence since day one he knows who his real parents are, cos daaaw

"Henderson to Sickbay, I think Jessie's ill," she said.

In: "You think?"

"Well she might be faking it," Tani replied.

I HATE THIS GIRL, and I wouldn't care, I remember not long ago saying she was a breath of fresh air since she was relatively normal, at least compared to Morgan. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? I'm not messing about, her arc from Why oh Why was made up on the spot for that episode, again cos I needed somebody who I thought people wouldn't like so the character involved wouldn't be seen as an innocent in the story. But I also badly wanted to fix her cos she'd gone way too far (or as I recall, make her act out cos she's unwell and/or mentally ill. Yeah), something that seemingly took me too long to notice, cos damn what a bitch.

"Don't forget the brat," Tani said as she looked at Duncan.


Naomi walked onto the Bridge, she gave a longing look towards Harry. She headed towards the science station and she sat down. Harry turned to look elsewhere, he saw Tuvok staring at him strangely.

i was already angry, so yeah why not, homophobic jokes

Tom thought, "typical, today is not a good day for stuff like this to happen."

"Er, Captain, was Tuvok waving at Harry?" Tom asked.

yeah, the only good thing to come out of this plot, is that it contributes to Tom's side story.

The Doctor was scanning Jessie. Tani stood near the door. Duncan was still crying on one of the biobeds.


I'm trying not to be sad cos I know what's coming. And while it is controversial, depending on your point of view, I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, oh lord

James walked in, 


he spotted Tani. He pushed her against the wall, 


 she just grinned.

"Hey, if you wanted a kiss, you could of just asked," she said.


"I don't want a f****ng kiss, I want to know what you did to Jessie!" James yelled.

Oh I have a feeling my epic awaited moment is a little later.

"Oh, I was just trying to put her off you, by saying that you were like a male slut. So I take it you're free tonight," Tani said.

"Ensign, not in my Sickbay," the Doctor moaned.

yes, save it for a better scene later ;)

"What's wrong with her?" he asked.

beats me, cos she's pretty fu... oh you mean Jessie, lawl

"I am not sure exactly. She fainted because her body temperature was dropping,


but at the same time Tani was making her angry which usually raises some people's temperatures


This caused a chain reaction," the Doctor replied. Suddenly Chain

oh ffs

Tani started dancing to the song. "I love this song, especially H's bit. He's so cute," Tani said, as she stared at James. "Just like his character," she said.

I dunno, I'm starting to think she's the true villain of the series and is trying to turn James to the dark side or something. It's working on me so *shrug*

"Somebody throw her out, before I do it literally," James muttered.

Normally I'd reward you with a garbage gif but, she may land on her head and we don't want to make whatever's wrong with her worse


"Geez, you're so rude, you didn't used to be like that," Tani said and she walked out.

HOLY MOLY, Tani recognised that James was being threatening (not rude) to her and she wasn't erm, turned on, she was annoyed by it, like a normal person. Miracles do happen

"Hmm, she does have a point. You haven't been this aggressive for a while now," the Doctor said. James just shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you're growing up at long last," the Doctor muttered with a sigh.

yeah this was edited slightly, barely, and it makes as much sense as it did in its original form. don't you love pointless edits. Note, "for a while now" that's the edit. I think that was "before" originally. I "like" that this was edited but Disconnected's many "JAMES ISN'T A KILLER" weren't.

And no I can't explain what Doc means here, I don't know. Funnythough

"That will never happen," James said.

"Hmm, whatever you say. I think that you're acting a little less like a child now," the Doctor said.

Apart from the wall pushing, James has reacted to a Jessie randomly collapsing moment the exact same way he did in his second episode. Look at Unforgettable and come back to me (I'm sorry, you can skip most of it), dare me that I'm wrong. He's still tantrumy snappy and irrational. Argue with me, I dare you.

I think I get what Doc's getting at, though I disagree with his prognosis. I THINK he's commenting on how, with the exception of one episode, he's dealing with the unwanted advances. He remarks on what Tani said about him being rude to her, and him never doing that before. He's been passive until now. Again, disagree with the prognosis. He's not growing up and while yes he doesn't react in paralysing fear like he used to, this situation's not a good example cos he's pissed off. If he does this on a normal day, yeah you have a point.

PS, Duncan hasn't been described as no longer crying again. Somebody please, tend to him

"I don't know, he and Naomi were both chasing me. They've gone now, I don't where they went," Harry replied.

"Ohno, I think I know who Tuvok got connected with," the Doctor muttered.

now would be a good time, cos eugh

"Yes, she collapsed since her body temperature caused a chain reaction," the Doctor said. Chain Reaction came back on. "Somebody switch that off, it isn't funny now, and it never was," the Doctor moaned. The song went back off.


"We know why her temperature went up, what we don't know is why it dropped," the Doctor replied. Tom responded by nodding his head.

Okay, so what you're saying is she has a fluctuating temperature. Really? That load of garbage earlier makes even less sense now, and that's saying a lot

"Doc, Tuvok is acting really screwy, do something about it," she said.

"What's wrong now?" the Doctor moaned.

"See for yourself," Naomi muttered. She walked out, and she came back in dragging Tuvok in with her. He had red lipstick on, with some thick blue eye shadow and some concealer. Tom mentally slapped himself.

It's too bad that Kiss of Death is short, because my only plans for this episode is to cut the Tuvok plot out. I complain but the rest of it isn't bad enough for extreme edits. This means new scenes with the other two plots, or a brand new one to replace Tuvok's.


"Somebody tell me what's going on, he's really freaking me out," Naomi said, she cringed when Tuvok started stroking his hair. Then he cringed for no reason.

What's wrong with stroking his hair, he could be fixing it, I do that all the time, doesn't mean I'm a girly Naomi.

Also, I get why he cringes so the no reason isn't necessary. He cringes cos Naomi did, delayed reaction. So why does he stroke his hair and slap far too much make up on, if Naomi hasn't done those things?

"What can be more important than this," Naomi moaned and she stormed off. Tuvok stormed out in a huff too.

Now see, this is fine. I think that's funny cos it's not making it seem like his "girly stuff" is disgusting. Storming out in a huff is out of character and that's fine. Change the reason this happens and it might be salvagable .... nah, I know most of it is EEW GROSS GIRL THINGS.

"I'm sorry, but she's dying," the Doctor muttered.

"What! How?" James asked.

"She has a virus in her blood, it will degenerate her in two days, but she only has 24 hours to live, if she's lucky," the Doctor said.

wait for it

"The opposite to regeneration," the Doctor replied.

"Meaning?" James said.

"Meaning that this isn't going to be easy for her. If the scan is accurate her skin and internal organs have already started to degenerate. In other words she's decomposing alive," the Doctor said.

more flaming not fancy talk, just say her temperature's fluctuating and she's decomposing in the first sodding place you %^$^£*£%^*%&*

oh and what the flippity crap, so she's basically dead already. I get the cold temperature part now, the rest though? nope!

"The virus is manipulating her brain into thinking the rest of the body is dead, and to thinking that the brain is inactive," the Doctor replied.


"That can't be possible, it doesn't make any sense," James said.

James is almost always calling out the stupid in this series. I'm telling you, wrong series, deserves better than this unknown fanfic of horror

"Another thing. Decomposition takes years, but in this case the virus has accelerated it. Like I said earlier she will fully degenerate in two days," the Doctor said.

someone doesn't watch Bones yet, or it doesn't exist yet shutup

and yikes wtf, 2 days, every minute counts so we probably could've gotten somewhere but we had to have that degenerate conversation.

"There is none. You can't reverse or stop decomposition," the Doctor said.

"We could put her into stasis, that'll stop her decomposing until you think of a cure," James said.

"There is none, plus the stasis units won't work," the Doctor said.

"Why not?" James asked.

"Because the writers want this episode to be more dramatic," the Doctor replied.

okay, maybe I was premature saying that the episode wasn't in need of much fixing

I'm gonna assume Doc's eager to get rid of James so he can start the organ there's no virus, shhh

"Screw the writers, put her in stasis," James said.

Only quoting for HECK YEAHS

"No, I wasn't told to not put her in stasis, I know they don't work," the Doctor said.

"You can't let her die," James said.

but he will, daddy needs a new appendix. he knows that's not going to kill her but it's not as fun when they survive

and :( it only says James said, but my imagination has him say that pleadingly, voice cracking. sad now

"Don't worry, James, I'm sure he'll be able to think up something, but first we have to convince him to start thinking," Tom said.

I must've gotten that right, cos rare human empathy moment for Tom. *thumbs up*

"I'll leave that to you, I have someone to talk to," James said.

"But, what about?" Tom asked.

"I need someone to vent my anger on, unless you want to be that somebody," James replied.

"No, go ahead," Tom said quickly.


and yes, give it to me. mummy needs her garbage taking out

second time's the charm... YES IT'S TIME and lol, my random music playlist picks an epic last boss theme to play. Nice choice Media Player, I'm glad you got my back.

"So, how's the Mrs?" Tani asked in a huffy voice.

"Dying, no thanks to you," James replied. Tani looked up in shock.

"Me? I didn't do anything!" she grumbled.

I don't care if there's no reason to blame Tani, other than her making her temperature spike briefly, SHE DESERVES SCORN, SO MUCH SCORN

"Virus? I didn't hear anything about a virus," Tani replied.

"Then how did she get it?" James asked.

Damn, does James remember Unforgettable after all? Cos I'm getting plenty of deja vu here so he must be too to be pointing the finger here.

"Look, I know I don't like her, but that doesn't mean I'd infect her with a killer virus. I'm not a murderer, unlike a certain somebody," Tani replied.

It's Jessie you don't like. Jessie. James is the one you want to trick into your bedroom. She must think he likes getting called that. Spoiler; no he doesn't.

"So you think I did it because I killed somebody before?" James asked.

"No, I was just pointing out who's the murderer around here," Tani replied.

Oh yeah, that's hot. Jessie who?

"I wonder if she was infected on that planet," James said quietly.

hmmmm clever boy strikes again

"By the way, what were you two arguing about?" James asked.

"You mostly," Tani replied.

"Er... why?" James asked.

hmmmm naive boy strikes again. I swear I didn't plan ahead

"Well it's just typical that she gets you and I don't, it's just my luck," Tani said.

Sigh. James isn't a prize, he's not an item to win. Jessie "gets him" because he, and this is shocking I know, loves her back. He barely can stand you, get a f$$$$ grip!

I'd have more sympathy with this line cos she's a stupid hormonal teenager in love/crushing on a grown up, but she's gone too far, too many times.

"I don't know why you even tried, I've never liked you," James said.




"Oh thanks, whatever happened to the sweet and innocent James?" Tani asked.

Hahaha, this is almost as funny as Doc's growing up remarks. Translation, I'm sure; "Oh thanks, whatever happened to the meek, no back bone James who froze everytime I molested him?"

Yeah, not so funny now is it?

"He 'grew up'," James replied.

I'm glad you say that in quotes, cos the real answer is fourth wally. "He was written better," is the correct answer. I can write a character wary of aggressively flirty and rapey women, damaged by childhood trauma, without making him whimper and hide behind another woman WITHOUT changing any part of his back story or personality. While yes his personality was tinkered, but you saw the improvements before this back in Fugitives.

"Shame, you're more jerk like, you're starting to be more like Tom," Tani said.

hahahaha, yes I remember the one where Tom shoved someone against the wall, yelled at them, then basically told them to go f$$$ off and threatened to throw them out when they didn't. IT'S UNCANNY

"Tani, you really shouldn't make me more angry than I am already. Tom learned the hard way," James said.

Again, using Tom as an example. I'd say Simon's the best example, or heck even Craig at this point. All of the Tom incidents have been prequels and off screen.

"Aw come on, we both know that you'll never hurt a girl. You're too, what's the word, macho or manly to do that," Tani said.

I'm sorry what, snigger. Sorry, collecting myself. I'm used to the definition of manly and macho being stereotypical, and calling James that is tickling my funny bone. Anyhoo

Sexist Crap Count: 7

"That rule only means that I can't hurt girls, right?" James asked as he stood up.

Not like this, please

"Right, so you can threat all you like, you're never going to hurt me," Tani replied.

"Really, that rule doesn't mention you," James said.

Can we not call attention to this crap again. Can't we remind the reader what hell she's put him through instead?

"But I'm a girl, of course it does," Tani said.

Everyone got the biggest shock in their lives when they saw James hit Tani.

With James' comment about venting earlier + no real context other than the argument with Jessie earlier, any one off reader will see James as a teenage girl beating asshole. YAY

stillenjoyed that though snicker

Before I move on I'm going to leave this quote from Resurrection here for no real reason.

Because of the force of it he accidentally hit Unu, and she fell onto her back. Iinan rushed over to her. Everyone who was looking gaped in shock at what happened.

Look guys, James has hit more people than he's been forced kissed, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING. Stop being shocked.

"Morgan said that you're a demon, and she was right," James said.

Neelix rushed over to Tani, and he knelt down.

"What has got into you?" he asked as he looked up at James, he just shrugged his shoulders again. Neelix tapped his commbadge. "Neelix to Sickbay."

oooh, oh dear. See. Neelix has no context. In his point of view, a 28 year old man with Slayer strength has just decked a teenaged girl after a heated argument. Whatever your men should/n't hit women/anyone POV, that doesn't look good.

"You won't believe this but James hit Tani," Neelix said.

In: "About time."

In: "Tom, shut up."


When Tom is on James' side, you know Tani's done some s$$$ cos DAAAAAAAAAAAMN

In: "I'm surprised he hasn't done it before, I would of if she tried to kiss me and everything."

Slowly warming up to Tom, nice. Also nice to see a character other than the victim (and even then the victim seemingly shrugs it off with an ill fitting joke) see Tani's behaviour for what it is. No one else takes it seriously, welcome relief.

Neelix heard what sounded like somebody falling to the ground.

"I think you should beam James there to, he's collapsed," Neelix said.


"Tani will be fine Captain, it's my other two patients I'm worried about," the Doctor replied.

"What's wrong with them?" Kathryn asked.

"Jessie has a virus in her blood that causes her skin and internal organs to degenerate


The only way she could of been infected with this virus is by, ahem, intimate contact," the Doctor replied.

feels wrong using Janeway for this react pic but I've done worse

oh reallly?

Tom thought, "ooh, I wonder what kind."

"Hey, Tom keep this episode a bloody 12 or PG-13," Marill's voice said.

Tom thought, "I thought somebody decomposing alive would be considered a 15 anyway."

TOM STOP IT, I'M SUPPOSED TO NOT LIKE YOU, stop making sense, being sympathetic and comforting to someone you supposedly hate, and making me laugh

he's right you know. prude teen Marill feels woozy about insuating on James and Jessie's love life, but is totally cool with saying Jessie's gonna melt into goo in two days while she's still alive. Two consenting adults likely sleeping together though, EEWW GROSS

"You don't see it happen, so it's still a 12/PG-13," Raichu's voice said.

Wait, what are we talking about here? J/J's flesh falling off or their clothes?

"Yes, Jessie was kissed by Iinan for the ritual, but here's the mystery. James has the same virus, yet according to Morgan and Craig, Unu didn't get to perform the same part of the ritual to James," the Doctor replied.

Omg hahahaha. Let me get this straight. Doctor's first comment about the infection is that it can only be received via intimate contact. Of course all minds jump to that conclusion, even the prudish Marill character (real Marill would've been sniggering before he finished saying it, you know her, she's a filfthy minded brat who ships so much she should host a site called the harbour). Then Doc mentions the ritual which involved Iinan force kissing Jessie, which FYI is not intimate contact, it was far from that. But James getting it is super mysterious, a puzzle that cannot be deciphered. HMMMMMM

but everyone was on the same page when they thought he was talking about sexy times. It's like I started writing this scene with that in mind, but panicked and backtracked "I MEANT KISSING YOU PERVS" style. That wouldn't surprise me.

though in past Marill's defence, the episode is called Kiss of Death. Yeah the ritual that started it is called that, doesn't mean bedtime didn't happen and I'm sure kissing is involved in that. justsaying, looks like a panic backtrack and you know I never deleted anything back then

"Hmm, that is a mystery. Isn't there any other way to get infected with this virus?" Kathryn asked.

Ah Janeway, I wonder why you say this. Another mystery for our detectives

"Well he could of got it injected into him, but that is not possible. The only way he could of got infected is Unu had performed her part of the ritual on him or if Jessie passed the virus onto him by, ahem, kissing him

Oh god, we're getting prudish with the kissing now? ohboy

by the end of the episode James and Jessie will have to endure numerous ahems for daring to hold hands. mark my words

...but that is not possible," the Doctor said.

Tom thought, "god, where's he been."


At least I know I read that right. Doc thinks James and Jessie smooching is impossible. whut, what series has he been hanging out in?

Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Bridge, lay a course back to Thairo, warp nine, tell the Dellia Fleet to stay here until we return," she said.

In: "May I ask why?"

"If we don't we'll lose two main characters," Kathryn said.


"Wow, that was quick. How come it's taken us days to leave this area, but only hours to get back?" Chakotay asked.

"Conveniently for the plot we were only going at warp three then or something," Kathryn replied.

"Makes sense," Chakotay muttered.

um. actually that probably does make sense.

though why they would be is a whole other problem, which I saw in the original series so... *sticks tongue out*

"Two members of our crew are infected with a virus we believe they picked up at Thairo, we hoped that you may know something about it," Kathryn said.

"Are they the two who were Unu and Iinan's reincarnations?" Arden asked. "Can I come aboard to examine them for myself?" Arden asked.

"Yes, I'll meet you in our transporter room," Kathryn replied. Arden nodded

Yeah what, Arden's not only not a doctor, he's the dumbass Maji captain from the last movie/special/episode. Chances are he'll still know what it is and could've warned them before they left, but didn't.

"Just as I suspected. They both have the Kiss of Death," Arden said.

"We did figure out that Jessie could of been infected by the ritual, but how did James get infected?" the Doctor asked.

Here, I'll help you out Doc

"It isn't an airborne virus is it?" Kathryn asked.

"No. The only way James could of gotten this virus is if Unu or Jessie had kissed him, and Unu didn't," Arden replied.

I'll forgive Janeway for being stubborn on this, but the Doctor? He's still not going to get it. And this is the same guy who twice was eager to explain the birds and the bees after telling women in denial they were pregnant.

"What about Iinan?" Tom asked.

please don't be a homophobic joke, please

"There are three problems with that theory. 1) Iinan couldn't do it to his own reincarnate. 2) We didn't see him do it. 3) It was already passed to Jessie from him, again doing that would have no affect what so ever, so he wouldn't of tried it anyway," Arden replied.

That's a lot of text to say no in. Dumb question that begged for a joke but thankfully didn't get one

"There is no scientific cure I'm afraid. There were only two ceremonial ways to get rid of the virus. 1) Is to finish the ritual by piercing the heart. 2) To get what remains of Iinan and Unu, perform a certain ritual and their souls will become one," Arden replied.

He's only doing this numbering crap to sound smart, right? I should know, it's one of my things.

1) Oh sure, that sounds reasonable. Lets do that one. HUSH DOCTOR, YOU HAVE ENOUGH HEARTS

2) Is that all? Sure okay

From one extreme to another. But we all know 2 is what they're gonna do

I'll let Tom ask my next question

"What do you mean by their souls will become one?" Tom asked.

Yeah cos that makes little sense, and sounds like a really bad idea

"Iinan and Unu's souls were separated 3000 years ago. Half reincarnated and half was left behind," the Doctor replied.

Why does Doc know... oh I forgot. That was a nice ignorant few hours.

"And the only way for Iinan and Unu's souls to become whole again was to use their reincarnations to regenerate them. The only way for the incarnations to be treated for the Kiss of Death is to re-connect their souls," Arden said.

There's almost an explanation here for the split souls malarky, then there isn't. I'm gonna have to give this a go, and if it's retconned later in the series, I've probably gotten a detail wrong today. Skip to next orange if you don't want to be spoilt by something that's only hinted at and never confirmed in the series.

People who are generally good simply die and their soul goes to a heaven. People who are bad though (killers, thieves, abusers etc...) don't, their spirit is almost always left to wander in the hopes they'll see the error of their ways and repent. Then they go to heaven.

The ones who don't are basically wiped clean, their empty soul is reborn elsewhere as somebody completely new. While they're not the same person, they're still held accountable for the past life's actions. Even if they're simply good, they won't get into heaven, they've got to redeem the tainted soul. I'll not go deeply into this, it's not relevant. At least not yet.

When Iinan and Unu were executed, they or rather he did the spell to anchor them to Thairo. Since they were clearly evil they were made into ghosts, left to haunt the cities (and that's why they were abandoned, spooky s$$$. Also we remember Disconnected). With no repentance both were reincarnated eventually, but traces were left behind cos of his spell/curse.

James and Jessie's souls are pretty much whole cos of the clean slate (obviously with the exception that they gotta prove themselves to get a heaven admission), but Iinan and Unu's are fragmented. They can't return to their bodies permanently until they're made whole, enter the ritual. That not only drains the bodies of their reincarnate to allow them to regenerate, but their souls as well. It's pretty bad cos James and Jessie were in serious peril, having their entire existence wiped is worse than simply "just" dying. This was why the Maji soldiers were "temporary", it was only a flesh restoration. Without the complete souls, their bodies cannot be sustained.

Why Iinan and Unu had to kiss the other person and not their own reincarnates, I don't remember. I probably thought the kissing themselves thing was weirder. I do remember that Iinan and Unu are pretty much linked together cos of the curse he performed, and actualspoilers Iinan tosses her aside once they're not. But anyway, the kiss was to make the soul connection. Jessie's was started and not finished, the soul transfer isn't going anywhere and it's fading from her. Arden sounds certain but he really is only winging it from the info I have typed, that Jessie's soul is fragmented like Iinan/Unu and a similar ritual will restore it and stop her decomposing.

James being infected makes less sense, I'm aware. That's another detail I've forgotten.

And yes, this I'm 99% sure was the intention from the beginning of the Resurrection. There's enough evidence so far, but I've written a lot. I know I've always been better at planning and imagining stories than writing them.

Also explaining isn't my forte either, so I hope that made sense.

"How will this affect them afterwards?" Kathryn asked.

"This ritual will only treat their degeneration. Nothing else will happen," Arden replied.

damn it Arden, I know you're dumb, but enough with the degeneration

but there you go, another proof in the pudding. Merging the souls won't make James/Iinan and Jessie/Unu hybrids.

but anyway, that's enough for me today.

And many long tortureous months later

"We have to get the Book of the Living back. It's still in the ceremonial chamber with Unu and Iinan. Somebody who knows the language will have to read out the correct passage," Arden replied.

That sounds like a job for our Super Sue

"This may not be as easy as it sounds. Iinan and Unu were vaporised when they were killed. Plus your ship hit a few buildings in the city causing the entire city to collapse. It will be difficult to get to the passage that leads to the ceremonial chamber," Arden said.

"I don't think that problem's going to stop us," Kathryn said.

Aaw, the episode's trying to be dramatic again. We all know why it's not a problem, transporters duh

Though scooping up Unu and Iinan might be a bit of a chore

Captains Log Supplemental: Voyager has re-entered orbit of Thairo. Morgan, Naomi, the Doctor and Naomi

*several minutes of trying to figure out who Naomi 2 is meant to be later, then editing*

Thanks Kiss of Death, I needed a good laugh

Morgan and Arden took the lead, as they made their way through the rubble.

Wait, they didn't simply beam into the sacrifice/ritual chamber? So why was Janeway being so confident then?

Also, I originally went to copy the log because I wanted to ask why Naomi and Naomi were picked for this mission. Other than the obvious link to Tuvok "plot", of course. There isn't an attempt to answer it. What do I expect, it's old FV

Morgan said as she pointed towards a huge pile of broken stone.

"Maybe our phasers can help," Naomi said.

"No, if you do that the rocks may collapse on us," Arden said.

"Do you mean we have to move them by hand?" Morgan asked.

Oh Morgan, stop pretending that doesn't appeal to you. Think of all the people thinking "wowza, she's so awesome chucking massive rocks like a pro, and with her mind too"

Morgan walked closer to the stone and she started picking up some of the stone. Naomi tried but the stone was too heavy for her to pick up. Arden helped Morgan pick up some more stone.

Ohnoes, Morgan has the Kiss of Death too. First symptom is random tiredness. Jessie, stop smooching everyone!

Something blue caught Naomi's eye. She knelt down and she picked up a small strange blue rock. She felt it move, the base of it cracked. Suddenly she screamed.

Meanwhile on the Bridge:
"AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Tuvok screamed. Everyone looked at him strangely.


"My arm, my arm!" she screamed. Morgan walked over to her and she took a hold of Naomi's arm. A lump as big as a mouse was moving up her arm.

Oh darn, we forgot to parody/rip off this bit in Resurrection

best idea yet, do it to the kid that's even younger than Morgan *thumbs up*

The Sbarac scuttled back towards Naomi. Morgan shot it and it stopped dead in it's tracks, literally.

Sbaracs follow train tracks? Well that makes it so much easier to evade them

Anyway this bit has no actual point to it, other than Tuvok. Doc treats her and moves on, annoyed he didn't get to disect the bug alive

Morgan and Arden continued pulling away the rocks. The Doctor knelt down next to the bug. He took a container out of the med kit he was carrying. He put the Sbarac into it and he closed the container. Nobody else noticed.

You thought I was kidding? HA

"Doctor to Voyager, we need another team down here," he said.

In: "Very well."

A few minutes later Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna and Triah beamed down. Triah looked around with a disgusted look on her face.

Gee, you KNEW there'd be digging involved and only sent a team of four. And then in your next team, you send Triah?

Once through after 10 minutes Tom sees a button and does what anyone does in that situation.

He then pushed the button. Suddenly the floor caved in, all four members of the away team fell about ten feet. Dust went everywhere, and it settled on all four crewmembers.

B'Elanna slapped Tom. "What did you do that for!" she yelled.


"Oh look at the state of this place, I should complain to the cleaner," Triah muttered as she wiped the dust of her arms.

"Triah, this place has been abandoned for over 3000 years," Tom said.

"That's no excuse for not cleaning up," Triah said.

Is it just me and my soullessness? Nope

The room they were now in was huge. The room's ceiling raised higher as it reached the centre of the room. In the centre were three stone


In the centre of it were two large stone slabs, and one small one. The room had a high rocky ceiling, and there were stone balconies about five metres from the ground.


Like the fact that OTT descriptive Resurrection's version is smaller and feels a tiny touch staler than its super short sequel. And yet when I read Kiss' I thought for a second it was copy/pasted from the notmovie and that's why I chucked it here. Meh, Resurrection only described the important stuff like people saying things in a certain way and arm gestures, the grand finale with its fight scenes needs little effort.

both still suck and Kiss forgot the balconies, phew

They heard what sounded like hail stones hitting a hard ground


They all heard what sounded like hail stones hitting the dry ground just above them. The three stopped in their tracks. The sound died away like if it was moving away from them.

Damn, I knew something was copied, I was just a bit premature (in more ways than one) in my earlier Resurrection quoting.

God damn it Marill, that hail stones description was already somebody elses description. Only you'd use it twice IN A ROW

Anyways the Sbaracs are "strangely" still around after they chased the MC's of the movie out of the chamber... but to be fair I had mostly tuned out at that point in the story. I only cared about getting to the ending, wink. Whether I mean when I re-read it or originally wrote it, that's up to you to figure out. orboth,couldbeboth

There's another Tuvok screams gag, but this time it's different because he's there in the team so yay, the joke's less funny.

Then gasp, plot twist or annoying attempt to drag this out further

Suddenly the ground caved in and all members of the awayteam fell ten feet. The Sbaracs didn't follow them.

but, why? Did they fill up on Iinan and Unu dust? OH, all those deadpeople Morgan ruthlessly slaughtered like a badass pro, say no more, say no more

"Hmm, interesting, these bugs are sentient," the Doctor muttered. All he got for a response was Morgan and Naomi groaning.

"Who cares," Morgan groaned.

Hey, stop stealing my lines!

And yes the Sbaracs being smart enough to lure the team to the chamber so they get Iinan/Unu's remains and possibly revive them in anyway is news to me. I begrudingly like it, if they're more instinctual than sentient (and that argument can be made), but it goes against what they did in Part 4 which makes it plotholey as well as pointless.

He had landed against the wall, so his legs were sticking up in the air, and his weight was resting on his head and shoulders (no, not the shampoo).

Jesus the Head and Shoulders "joke" again. Kiss of Death was missing a nickname like the rest of the season. How about Copy Paste of Death, or simply Paste of Copy.

Shame, the episode mostly doesn't deserve the ridicule of one. Resistance's was half hearted for a reason (and I can't even remember it, something to do with Picacard?)

Ardeth/en complains his hair is dusty, Naomi calls him a hippy, Morgan thinks it's hilarious of course. This girl thinks calling Tuvok Dumbo is genius, so... RIVITING DIALOGUE FOLKS, I FORGOT JESSIE AND JAMES ARE LITERALLY MELTING WHILE ALL THIS WISE CRACKING IS GOING ON

And suddenly I get flashbacks of Flesh Eaters existing, and I spend a few minutes to convince my fragile anxiety that Dissidia was always episode 4 of Season Four, ALWAYS

"Oh, stop reading my mind," Naomi moaned.

"Can't help it," Morgan said.

Oh, Naomi called Arden a hippy in her head. Why it needed to be a thought and not something she said... come on I know why, Morgan's awesome.

"Where are we?" the Doctor asked as he looked around.

"I think, we're in the ceremonial chamber," Morgan replied.

So, had to check twice but now both teams have stumbled accidentally into the ceremonial chamber. I hope that this isn't a rush episode to the finish coincidence, and instead what I said about the bugs earlier.

Morgan spotted a faint bit of gold. She walked over to it, she wiped the sand away with her hand. She picked up a gold book.

"Well I've got the Book of the Living," she said.

"Good, now finding Iinan and Unu's ashes will be the most difficult part," Arden said. The Doctor pulled out his tricorder and it bleeped.

"Found them," he said. Arden collapsed Pokémon style.

The jury's still out on that though

"Wow, we haven't seen somebody do that in a while," Morgan muttered

The Slayers is next, gotta get into the spirit!

 Tom, B'Elanna, Triah and Tuvok came up to them. The Doctor knelt down and he collected some sand. He walked over to another area just as the room shook.

Just some? Iinan and Unu weren't even standing together either. Don't mix them up, doc. We see that enough with James and Jessie. Now we're in post-coupling I don't want anymore twin gags. Save the incest jokes for Morgan and James, god! I have some standards you know!

"What was that?" Naomi asked.

I'm no expert, but I think that's Marill's internet computer allocation time approaching

"I don't know, but we'd better hurry," Arden said as he stood back up. The Doctor started collecting some more sand.

"Uhoh, look!" B'Elanna yelled as she pointed at the ceiling. Cracks were beginning to form, dust and sand fell from it.

That's what you get for having your baby flying a starship. This is all on you missy

"The ceiling is about to collapse, we'd better get out of here," Arden said. The room started shaking violently again. Rocks from the ceiling fell to the ground causing sand to go everywhere.

"Ohno, some of Iinan or Unu's ashes has been covered by the rocks," the Doctor said. Nobody heard him, they were all running towards the door.

*gigglesnort* yeah I was unintentionally way ahead of myself. I wonder which one got smooshed here, Iinan or Unu? My bets on Iinan, but only cos I remember a later sequel's only half decent scene/twist.

So Doc's only gotten part of one. Considering that both James and Jessie are infected, technically by Iinan only, (no I'm not taking my bet back), isn't this a problem if Iinan was the smooshed one? To be honest, isn't it a problem for whoever is the smooshed one's soul twin? Lets maybe find out

 Anyway blah blah escape, blah

With the Sbaracs only a metre behind them all, they managed to reach the steps leading to the surface. The sunlight shone in their eyes, and they couldn't see a thing. Tom tapped his commbadge.

Sickbay time, and we only have a smidgen of file left and I already see the bold italics signalling a log. This is gonna be FV style brief. Preparing for stupid

Morgan was reading through the Book of the Living. When she finished James and Jessie went back to normal. The Doctor scanned them both, and he smiled.

"The virus is gone, their skin and organs have returned to normal," he said. Morgan sighed and she closed the book.

They, visually went back to normal? Do I want to know how bad their... degeneration was at this point that it can be seen, especially since Jessie had a head start. I really hope they were sedated.

Doc does mention skin. Eeek

Captains Log Supplemental: Ensign Stuart and Crewman Rex have been cured for their disease. We're continuing our course for home.

Um. Thanks? I didn't know any of that information. Nobody told me twice in the previous scene or anything!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who cares, the scene everyone was waiting for is coming up

Tom rushed in with a big grin on his face.

"Ok, my 24 hours are up. Tuvok you're a gay little freak. Jessie your face is a mess. Neelix what is that you're cooking, crap? Tani, did that little punch knock some sense into your brain, oh of course not, you haven't got a brain. James, how did you get infected by that disease, did you have intimate contact with Jessie?" Tom yelled. He started laughing.

This... is the best you can come up with in 1 day? Yikes

Everyone stared at him oddly. Nearly everybody burst out laughing.

"Tom, do you know that your fly is open?" Triah asked.

Tom turned bright red, and he ran out.

I can't say that wasn't deserved.

VTV Live, the following Saturday:
PokéBall were on the stage. They all had a microp

Yeah, I was gonna nope this even before the behind-the-scenes music related hissy fit I had. NOOOOOOPE

"Yeah, before we leave we have a special announcement. Morgan told me before the last song that everybody has to avoid Tani, or your health is at risk. Your temperature may rise and cause a chain reaction," Tom said. PokéBall started singing the chorus to Chain Reaction right on cue.

Meanwhile in Sickbay, the Doctor tried to pull his hair out, but he didn't have any. So he just collapsed in Pokémon style.

You know, with all this text, we could've had a longer Sickbay scene. You know the resolution to the MAIN PLOT. But no, Tom's homophobic sexist jokes and the never funny Chain Reaction gag. Kiss of Death really had a shot at topping the chart, but *sigh* this is why I can't have nice things

Will Tani stop chasing after James after what he did to her, or will she be more persistent?

Tani will step up her antics by miming "gimme gimme" over and over, while chasing James around. When that doesn't work, she decides that the way into the badass offscreener's heart is to have a duel with him, with epic orchestral music playing in the background, until Jessie arrives and whallops her on the head. James finishes the job by stabbing her 10+ times and demands a restraining order, to which she announces she'll be back before poofing away into dust.

Later when James' guard is down, Tani hires the true stalker of them all, Edward Cullen, to keep tabs on him. Of course because James is apparently so god damn beautiful and junk, Eddie falls in love with him too. Enraged, Tani battles with Edward. James slips away while they're distracted, for once considering therapy as a nicer alternative.

Tani uploads a video to TomTube threatening that James hasn't seen the last of her. Then he starts to notice everything he owns can be used to spy on him. He flees, but she finds him and kicks him in the face. Stalker heels are deadly and he's KO'd. She drags him off for nefarious deeds, but wakes up before the gross stuff happens. Another battle ensues and he quickly finds Tani has clones, three of them. Jessie turns up to help him fight them off, defeating them one by one until the original remains. She gets owned, as she should, and the couple ride off into the sunset. Until Marill feels like torturing him again.

I can't say I made this up on the spot, lawl.

Will Annika find out that the Barbie Girl song was about her?

I don't see why I wouldn't want to torture her with that information.

How many people terrorised Marill & Raichu because the medical side to this episode didn't make any sense?

Has Tuvok gone back to normal?

I hope so

Has James really *snigger*, grown up?

I've already posted the lol pic and I'm getting hungry

Will Jessie stay off makeup for good?

No, she'll be injecting it into her veins by the first scene of next episode, if said scene is what I remember it being.

Find out the answers to maybe some of these questions next time on Fifth Voyager.

I shall wait with baited breath then.


Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 43 (793)

Sexist Crap Count: 7 (33)

Jessie's Sin Points: 0 (28)

Morgan the Sue Count: 0 (19)

Annika Dies Count: 0 (8)

James Kill Count: 0 (2)

James Dies Count: 0 (3)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0 (15)

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 0 (37)

Just A Little Bit More: 1 (22)



I hope my terrible mood lately won't interfere with the score too much. I'm mentioning it though as it's a high possibility. I don't want you thinking I'm sabatoging Kiss of Death's chances of beating Resistance. I'm open to it. I liked a lot of Kiss of Death despite my whining, it was a nice surprise.


1) Nobody cares about Pokéball's dramatics. My extreme prejudice for their first song/parody choice lately almost made me mark it separately, but it is related and it's very unfair to mark the half lazy attempt to change BG's lyrics (well some) separately as it is Pokéball related. It did lose its positive point though. I always hated BG but now, it's a harsh reminder (tmi Marill, move on) and so I don't care that Jessie/James' verses weren't half bad.

2) The unnecessary reveal that Morgan knows James and Jessie hooked up and how she knows. And no it's not because I complained about Resurrection's mood killing ending. They don't need to know she knows to help push the plot along. Morgan doesn't get re-involved in the plot until she's chucked into an awayteam, then she only needs to read a book, which she does on Voyager anyway. The reveal itself is a bit forced too.

3) I have a tiny inkling that I recently heard the Chain Reaction single, or had bought it. The obsession is ridiculous. Ironic really since the live version just finished while I was writing this complaint. Some thing's never change *skips back*.

4) Writers. At least their appearances are dying down...she says knowing The Slayers is next. Sigh.

5) This is in the positives too (the scene is mentioned in 1-2). I'm not sure Morgan's the right character for Jessie to talk about her make up giving up to. I know it's because Morgan's the only one who knows about her and James, and she guesses that has a lot to do with it, but I'm surprised someone like Morgan would even notice Jessie's lack of lipstick. Or care even if she did. I think Danny would've been a better fit here. I know she knows soon, the opening to The Slayers or True Q proves that (I'm leaning toward the latter but only cos the chat badly/forcibly foreshadows the second reveal in it. That's not a sure thing in Season Two though, so Slayers is still in the running).

Also Jessie's "got off with" line. She says it so casually, it's OOC, especially in this season. Though she's been very sharey lately (god damn Control Fail). Jessie's not that naive to think "got off" means only make out, so I'm more surprised I had her admit this. That's not THEE bad thing, no. The bad thing is I definitely backpeddle a LOT to undo it as I never deleted back then, you see it happen in the episode, and then that opening I mentioned above happens. Less said about The Atamit, despite one of YWF's opening scenes existing, the bloody better!

In a nutshell: I obviously wanted J/J as full fledge couple who sleep together, cos duh they're adults in love who've been in a physical relationship before (True Q will come along and shout SEE, FU ME. omgspoilers). But there was another me in conflict who's weirdly prudeish, like the character Marill, who sees J/J as so chaste they have to be love spelled and drunk to touch each other. Sigh. For example Jessie's constant "I WAS DRUNK AND LOVE SPELLED" denials I've seen, but to be fair at least one's in Bittersweet (groan). It annoys present-me okay!

6) The Tuvok and Naomi experiment. Just why, why? Janeway's bored and the Doctor's a butcher, or I had so much fun writing Morgan acting sometimes like Emma, that I wanted to do that again with two vastly different characters but couldn't think of an excuse. So yeah Janeway's bored and the Doctor's a psycopath.

7) Tani, Tani. Fine I get that she'd lost the plot witnessing James and Jessie smooch again, this time when they think they're alone, so they're not trying to fool anyone, it's legit. Her being jealous and picking a fight with Jessie isn't the problem, it's the actual arguement. The misunderstanding at the beginning, I don't get how anyone would do that and WHYYyyyyy, to involve sweet little Duncan in this? nopenope. And of course I will be so relieved when the slut slagging matches stop.

I'm still pissed that Jessie hasn't hit her yet. I love it when these two defend each other and so far Season Two's a bit one sided. Jessie was so protective of him in One against grabby women, to the point where it was excessive. Yeah I complained and I feel like that I might've noticed how bad she was and so turned her right down to zero. I just didn't like her answering for him and the weird toughlove "stop being a wuss", she didn't have to stop looking out for him all together. Come on Jess, you're in there I know it, defend your friend PLEASE

8) After Tani's stomped off from Sickbay, James and the Doctor chat about how so SO different he handled Tani compared to the olden days. The original version of that just had to be edited because it had the Doctor point out that he "hasn't been so aggressive before" which even if you've only read Season Two is pretty damn hilarious, but the prequels were already in the draft and planning stages. Scenes were written where he and Tom had come to blows, something he himself fourth walled mentioned to Morgan in Interactions, so you can't tell me I'm misremembering. It was edited to "in a long time". The rest of the conversation's pretty much the same, the Doc concluding that James' super macho slamming of teen girls into walls and threatening to throw them out means he's growing up, daw

Yeah, this whole conversation needed deleting and starting again, not the mere edit it got. It didn't make sense before, and the edit made less sense. I guess the original makes sense if you're of a certain toxic mindset, and um, yikes. No thanks. I'm still gonna hope Doc's growing up comment was less about the wall shoving, and more about the no longer whimpering in terror at pawning women.

9) I compliment the amount of detail I must've planned for the main plot, and its sequel episodes, in positives BUT the first Sickbay scene had me grinding my teeth. It's not just the Chain Reaction jokes, it's a few things. Degeneration, lol nope to stasis pods cos the writer(s) want to make you suffer mwahaha, really really bad technobabble attempt, it's meant to be mystical so the Doc having any explanation right away and detecting a virus at all is painful. Nope.

10) Why did I have to ruin the James burns Tani scene with "oh stop it, macho men don't hit girls," "oh yeah, you're no girl so neer neer." Twice the episode's insuated that James is turning into some stereotypical man's man, and making it seem like a good thing. No, that was never meant to be James. The whole bit didn't need to badly justify him "zomb hitting a girrllll!!", as he'd already smacked around Annika and accidentally hit Unu. Him hitting Tani isn't meant to be that shocking.

11) Naomi gets the Scarab tunneling through her arm like Johnathan did almost word for word, and why? I'm sure the Doc could've quietly kidnapped a buggy corpse some other way, and our sequel bait would've remained secure.

12) While it takes an ok amount of time to reach or be lured to the ceremonial room, the actual resolution to the plot is super rushed. It doesn't take long to find Iinan/Unu, scoop them up even while running into a problem, return and cure J/J. The following scenes are probably longer.

13) One of Tom's saved up insults is to call Tuvok a little gay freak and any goodwill he earned from his earlier compassion for James dissolved and had a rock dropped onto it like an Iinan/Unu. The ending to the main plot was rushed for this and more band rubbish? For shame.

Sub-total: 13


1) If FV was famous, even a tad, what word would often come to mind when Jessie is mentioned? Makeup, yup. Quite bold for Kiss of Death to have her give up her near life long addiction. I believe it was my way of saying she's no longer Season One Jessie. This is Jessie's Laughing Hysterical Dude's punch out and later murder moment, only obviously not as... um violent/awesome/big/in your face/whiplashy as James'.

True it doesn't really go into it too much, it shouldn't though. The implication is clear. Jessie's makeup obsession is or was a self esteem issue and she's feeling better about herself now that her relationship with James is developing, and damn until Tani comes along she seems happier. While it's unfortunate that a man was involved in this, it's nice she's trying to grow.

2) Speaking of which, James and Jessie's interactions (bar that weird "are you coming or not" line) are goddamn cute. The scene in the corridor with Duncan I remembered well and of course was expecting, but still made my cold heart melt. (I hoped months later it'd help soothe my now painful from the excessive daily anxiety attacks heart, but nah, dead inside yay). It's a cute little family moment, the first technically (Yeah Saturday Night's... *groans*, James was a bit off in that. So no, I don't count that. It was a cute mother and son moment though, I'll give you that). It made me smirk as well knowing that Duncan's giggling at his parents kissing "now", but that'll change as he grows.

3) Rewinding back to 1's positive. I know that there's more to the makeup giving up than Jessie feeling more secure due to her and James confessing to each other. I mean that is a reason, it's there in the dialogue. I dropped bad jokey hints to it early in the review that Jessie wouldn't suddenly run out of her quarters one day makeup less because she's late. She has to not care already, and from what we've seen of Jessie so far, if they had to evacute Voyager as it was about to blow before she had time to apply her gloss, she'd likely die doing so before daring to set foot outside. Unless James went in and grabbed her, but he'd be in the doghouse forever for it. So yeah, she had to not give a crap at all to rush out to the band performance without it.

There's a few hints in the beginning of the episode that Jessie's not well. She mentions being tired quite a few times. The makeup and lack of care about what she wears was also a hint. Yeah she keeps her clothes obsession, but she never wears makeup again after this, so both reasons I've mentioned for her giving up are valid. She was at first too tired to bother putting slap on but found it didn't matter since she had been spending a lot of time with James, who'd never draw attention to it etc, so she got used to not using it. I like it, yeah. Simple and subtle hints make all the difference (well the tired one was only simple, not subtle but hey)

4) Jesus Christ James, what he did to Tani in Sickbay *tugs non existant collar and winces*. I was torn between negative and positive here. Wow, he's had his moments in S2 that probably had readers double checking it was him (not helped by my evasive off screen'ness) and yet this one still manages to cause whiplash with those in mind.

Positive as it's another moment I didn't chicken out on, it says clearly he shoves her against the wall, and it's something he does a lot in modern episodes. Negative, as he doesn't normally do them to 16/17 year old girls who haven't actually done anything to his girlfriend but be very spiteful. And it's behaviour that's gonna risk readers losing sympathy for him, despite Tani doing something similar to him and then forcefully kissing him only a few episodes ago. Back to positive, I'm loving him sticking up for himself, a far cry to the whimpering behind Jessie like a kid in S1. And Tani took offense to it, getting the hint for now. That was delicious.

I'm torn a but. I guess I liked it more than I objected to it. Just because he overreacted horribly doesn't make it a bad scene. James is allowed to act like an overprotective violent ass, it's in his character bio lol, how anyone feels about that is subjective. Nyeh.

5) Some of Tuvok's Naomi jokes were actually not bad. I snickered a bit at the image of him storming out in a huff like a teen would. Still not a fan of the storyline though.

6) Some thought went into the Kiss of Death illness, and obviously the whole Iinan/Unu lore as a whole. I suppose the entire lot was meant to be a book series pre-FV (and a part of Kidz Trek Voyage[r] before that). Well Resurrection, Kiss and Curse of Voyager were anyway. Oasis came later and was only ever a FV entry. Still, despite some shoddy explanations and the usual rushedness, the main story was quite good for its time. Definitely not perfect by any means, but I liked it for what it was. I just hope Curse doesn't disappoint after this, I remember it being a hit/miss bloodbath with terrible Morgan/Craig so called shipping. I don't want Kiss of Death being the only good Mummy rip off episode until Season Three's Scary But True comes along. More Season Three spoilers Though you'd be technically correct to call the post Oasis to Chain Reaction episodes part of the saga as well, so hope is not lost if you think of it like that. Chain Reaction wins by a mile if we're counting it, wink.

7) Tom and James' brief interaction in Sickbay before the Tani showdown, more of this please. Tom shows some compassion and humanity to someone he claims to hate, finally showing he's not a one dimensional troll with a fetish for J/J shipping. Yeah James with his "I need to vent on someone, do you wanna be that someone" could be seen as very rude after that, but the whole exchange feels more tongue in cheek than harsh. I liked it, and that's that. I also liked Tom's about time remark later. You'd think my Tom would've found Tani forcefrenching James hilarious, but he seemed to think it was bad enough to deserve a punch so... nice.

8) After 100's of unwanted advances, dozens of shuffling behind Jessie and three women throwing themselves at him in one movie (oh wait, Unu, FOUR), James finally gets his own back. To be honest I enjoyed his blunt "why did you bother, I've never liked you," more than the punch. Even though James probably hits you like a truck, that line must've hurt so much more and god damn, Tani deserved it. Don't push people into walls and stick your tongue down their throat, unless they wanted it of course. Them standing there talking about confusing alien computers isn't code, just so you know, best to play it safe and maybe ask???

As you've noticed though, I still had a complaint with this scene. This episode's like a seesaw, I'm sensing a close battle with Resistance here.

Sub-total: 8

Marill's Rating: 38%

Rankings So Far:

#01 Resistance: 53%
#02 Disconnected: 40%
#03 Kiss of Death: 38%
#04 Interactions: 37%
#05 The Resurrection: 36%
#06 Saturday Night & Precise Timings: 31%
#07 Games Resistance: 29%
#08 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#09 F9: Control Failure: 21%
#10 Dimension Jump: 14%
#11 The Love Spell: 10%

Ooph sorry Kiss of Death, Resistance is still reigning champion of Season Two by a long shot. I honestly thought it'd do better than this. Still, not bad for an episode I thought was a dud.

Speaking of duds, I cringe at what comes next.

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