Marill Re-Reads "Here & Now"

I'm not looking forward to this one. All I remember about is the new character, the introduction to her and the reason why she exists and is there, and I'm like *groan* YES I realise it's meant to be ... something bizarre, it doesn't change how it's presented. Lets just say if I rebooted it, Here & Now said character would have a different introduction all together.

Anyway... lets get this over with. I'm okay with the next two, and I remember always loving episode 6. I won't get there if I don't do this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janeway and little sis fret over where to sit in the Mess Hall, which is a bit odd anyway since the reason for her anxiety were living on the Enterprise last time I checked.

Though it's well earned anxiety, I'll give them that

Phoebe looked around the room, she spotted Lena at a table with James and Duncan. "They haven't seen you, just drink your bloody coffee."

Ohnoes, now she has encouragement

At Lena and co's table, Lena was sitting opposite James and Duncan. Lena had a bunch of grapes in front of her, James and Duncan just had a Cherry Coke bottle each. Lena picked up a grape and she tried to throw it into her mouth. She missed and it went on the floor. James just watched her as she tried again.

Ohnoes, Here and Now's trying to be cute and funny. We're doomed.

btw JUST ABUSE, why did I remove the counter if I were still guilty of this only a few years ago? Laziness. You try word searching just and counting which ones aren't justified.

"Watch, I'll get it this time," Lena said. She threw another grape and it went flying into someone else's plate. The guy didn't notice.

Duncan looked up at James. "Did she get it?"

"No. Lena why don't you just eat them normally," James replied.

Because I think/hope she's trying to lighten the mood/entertain the kid.

btw I love how Lena the Sue has absolutely terrible aim, it's almost worth a point deduction. almost

"Shut up, I'll get it," Lena said. She threw another grape and this time it landed in her mouth. "See I told you!"

"Yeah but you've lost about ten grapes in the attempt," James said.

Damn it Here & Now, I'm not supposed to enjoy you.

"Hey, I'd like to see you do better," Lena said.

"Well I would if I was as mature as you are," James said.

Pfftsnigger, almost back to normal. ish

"You know I thought that a Slayer would have better aim.." James said. Lena threw a grape at him instead, it hit him in the eye.

"My aim seems fine to me," Lena said. Duncan giggled as James put the grape with the others Lena has left.

Ah, everyone should have a fun aunt Lena. She sure cheered me up. seriously.

Lena dares him to eat the eye grape, so does Duncan. James is like "no fun allowed", and can't blame him can we. Duncan then switches to Lena, and this happens.

"Just pass it back," Lena said. James threw it back at her, she missed completely. "Hey, I wasn't ready."

"Any excuse," James muttered.

Wow James threw it and Lena's the one described as missing it. What day is it, where am I?

Meanwhile Phoebe is eyeing them but not because she wants to be a fun aunt, no she just wants grapes. And apparently both Janeway Seniors are suicidal

Neelix came over to the table holding a flask of coffee. "Refills?" His answer was both Kathryn and Phoebe pushing their cups towards him. Neelix started pouring coffee into their cups.

Then again, Janeway takes offense at his asking her daughter to behave. Who wouldn't?

"I would but, I think you should tell her. You are in charge of this place after all," Kathryn replied.

Neelix nodded. "Very well, Captain." He headed over to Lena and co's table.

Brave or stupid, you decide!

"I don't think so. I think you're afraid to go near your son after what happened a week ago," Phoebe said.

GASP, WHAT KINDA SCAREDY CAT IS AFRAID TO GO NEAR SOMEONE WHO TRIED TO MURDER THEM LAST WEEK! BUCK BUCK CHICKEN! *Janeway gets wedgied, Phoebe runs off laughing*

"Of course not, Phoebs. I'd never be too afraid to go near him of all people," Kathryn said and she took a sip of her coffee.

Janeway: NUH UH, I'M JUST NOT STUPID

Phoebe: YES UH, CAPTAIN DUMB DUMB

Janeway: Why are you here again?

"If that's the case, why haven't you introduced me to this nephew of mine?" Phoebe asked.

Is this still dumbass Seventh Phoebe? I don't think the chip falling out of thing cured her

Phoebe glanced back at Kathryn. "God sakes girl, what's he done to you?"

Kathryn glared at her little sister. "Ok, let's just get one thing straight here. I am not afraid of James, ok. I am only trying to give him some space."

Threw books and chairs at her, pushed a bookcase on her, kicked her. You know, he's such a little scamp that boy.

Phoebe still teases her, and I... I dunno

"I'm afraid of what he may become again. It wasn't my son who put me into that coma, it was what took over him that did it," Kathryn said.

Yeah I'd be onboard with this if it were worded differently. This looks like he was possessed when he did it.

Phoebe waits for Neelix's coffee to kick in, it doesn't, so heads over to chat with her neice and nephew.

"Are you always this much trouble?" Phoebe asked. Lena looked up at her.

"No, I'm an innocent girl," Lena replied, she unfolded her arms and sat back up.

"Innocent my ass," Duncan muttered and he finished off his Cherry Coke bottle.

"I was going to say that," James said.

You have said that, he's copying off you.

The getting to know small talk's pretty painfully boring, not worth quoting, until Phoebe asks what they're doing today.

"Yeah, we were planning on going to New Earth as soon as James thinks he's ready," Lena replied.

Yeah that's just mean, omgprequelspoilers what has Lena done to piss him off?

Still keen on dying somehow, even if there's a chance of omgprequelspoilers becoming a vampire dinner, Phoebe invites herself to this little trip.

"It's part of his recovery, it's not meant to be a nice trip out," Lena said.

TAKE THE HINT

"I don't get it, how can this trip help anything?" Phoebe asked.

"Hasn't whore face told you anything?" James asked.

Sexist Crap Count: +1

Phoebe scolds him, he goes back to the old S word classics

Sexist Crap Count: +1

"Mum did tell you about his fiancée's murder the other week, right?" Lena replied.

Wait a minute. Both James and Lena expect Janeway to have told Phoebe about the time she apparently walked in on James and Jessie in bed together. She has, but that wasn't a normal conversation, and why??

"Yes she did. I know Kathy never liked her, she only referred to her as a slut

Sexist Crap Count: +1

Yeah she's parroting last week's, but it's still gotta count for something

James turns evil again, resulting in wacky adventures. This is the theme of the season after all.

"It's ok, I already know how the cow felt about Jessie," James said.

Or he takes it rather well.

"Anyway, erm, the planet was very important to their relationship and everything. I thought it'd be a good idea to stay away from the planet, but mum told me that it'll just be worse that way," Lena said.

So James is doing something that he (now) knows Janeway suggested.

yeahright!

"Ok, ok. Tell me when you want to go, I mean, ever since joining this crew the only family I've been with is my sister. I keep hearing about you three, and young Kiara. You know how it is, it's driving me crazy," Phoebe said.

Oh yeah pile on the guilt trip. boreoff

Despite my complaints about Phoebe, I like that opening scene. What's wrong with me?

"Yes, why are you here?" Doctor Jones said questioningly.

"I know a lot about medical stuff from being with the Tolg. I can be some use," Nichola said.

Medical stuff. It starts early

"Doc, I've been assigned to pilot the Enterprise. On Voyager I didn't even have much time to work in Sickbay," Tom said.

Tom's gonna wear out that joystick within a couple days

*snigger*

The Enterprise's EMH pulled out a cigarette and he started to smoke. Everyone watched him. He glanced at them. "Didn't you know? I have to smoke or my program will not function properly."

you know, because the actor has a raspy voice and/or smokes. duh!!!

*shrug*

"Anyway, I will remain in charge of Voyager's Sickbay and I will still keep full possession of the mobile emitter. This EMH will be in charge of the Enterprise's Sickbay," Doctor Jones said.

lol as if the mobile emitter ownership was even up for consideration

"Voyager," Lee said quickly.

"Does it really matter which ship, both Sickbay's use the same set," Nichola said.

soreloser

"Lastly we're going to have to give him a name. If we leave him to pick his own it'll take him seven long.." Doctor Jones said.

"Freddie,

harhar

"We have a witch to catch, remember," Doctor Jones replied.

Wait, capturing Unu is being left to the holo docs and a couple of nursing assistants. oksure?

"Oh hi there! I haven't seen you guys in ages!" Sid giggled. He rushed over to them. He started hugging Lena, she was too disgusted to push him away. "I heard about the little Evil Slayer incident, finally I have a new friend."

OMG SID

psst IF YOU WANTED PAIN YOU HUGGED THE WRONG ONE

"New Earth, where else?" Lena replied.

"Oh, now James that is not nice," Sid said.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID

psst she has a dead people phobia you ninny

"Taking Lena to New Earth? It's only been two weeks since your fiancée died, oh what am I saying. You two look like a lovely couple," Sid replied.

it's always too early to retire meme pics

so I don't.

Unu appeared in Voyager's Mess Hall. She looked around. "Not a good place, Unu," she said to herself. Right on cue a Security Team came in. She quickly disappeared.

"Great, she's not going to be easy to catch," one guy said.

Wait, capturing Unu is being left to the nameless idiots in security. oksure?

"Erm, Nikki, can I talk to you?" Tani asked.

"My name is Nichola," Nichola replied.

"I prefer Nikki, so can I?" Tani asked.

Ohh, no. I shoulda known/remembered. Tani's to blame.

For what? you'll see

"I have what you Humans call, a crush.. I think," Nichola replied.

Tani smiled. "I see, who?"

Why is she smiling, the odds are high they're gonna cat fight over him

"Say no more. I have crushes all the time, only one major. Believe me, it ain't easy. What you have to do is accessorise men so you can choose the right guy easier. You understand me," Tani said.

you to have to do what to men?

was this meant to be another word, or...

"Exactly, the one you have a crush on will go into one group. By the time you've sorted everything out, you may feel a bit better. You may find that you don't like his personality," Tani said.

wtf is she talking about?

Tani smiled and she walked out. Nichola thought quietly, "how can I accessorise men? This ship is strange."

I dunno, buy them a handbag or a new necklace and force them onto them? Brush their hair?

The next scene we arrive on the planet the previous episode was named after *thumbs up*

The silence was broken what sounded like somebody singing. Lena pushed her way through the low tree branches singing the song Here & Now. James was right behind her.

"Lena, could you please stop singing?" James asked.

James saying what we've all been saying for an entire season. it's about time

"I can hear you, I'm so glad you don't sing live very much," James said.

Lena pushed a branch out of the way harder than usual. It went back into place fast, hitting James as it did so.

OH SNAP

JAMES IS STILL ON A KILLING SPREE

Lena stopped suddenly. James stopped too when he got to her side. "Do you hear that?" Lena asked

"Yeah, that's the birds sighing in relief cos you've stopped singing," James replied.

James Kill Count: +2 ... steady on tiger

"You never learn do you.." Lena muttered. They both heard what sounded like somebody dropping something heavy, coming from further ahead of them.

"I definitely heard that, it's coming from the clearing where we all stayed," James said.

Ohnoes the monkey's back and he wants revenge

"I doubt it's anything important. Janeway told that pervert monkey to make itself at home there," James said as he started to follow Lena

Lena stopped again, she started laughing. She turned around to face James. "Pervert monkey?"

Whhhy? cos it first appeared when Janeway was in the bath?

"It was very fond of Jessie and Janeway in particular,

ohno!

so it kept following them both around. One time when it saw Chakotay and Janeway it, well used it's hands to

OHNO ITS WORSE

"Let's just say it made a kissing impression with it's hands," James said.

Lena tried to keep a straight face. "That isn't perverted."

Did this get kept in the Resolutions Saga? I'm not checking... I only remember it running in during the shoulder massage. Chakotay was pissed.

Lena looked up. "Just a hunch, you told me last week about the incident and everything. How did the monkey know?"

bored

"I don't know, probably. Looking back, I still can't believe that I didn't notice her acting like a mother. She wasn't trying very hard to hide it," James said.

I know THAT was kept at least

"I wish I was there to see that," Lena said as they both finally reached the clearing. There were two small houses. There were fallen trees near by, and there were fully grown tomato plants nearby one of the houses.

LIES, THEY WERE COFFEE PLANTS

A young girl peered out of the door. She spotted Lena and James, she then came out of the house fully.

"Who are you?" the girl asked.

something tells me she isn't a fan of tomatoes

The girl grinned, "I'm Yasmin. What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," James said.

The girl raised her eyebrow then she giggled. "Silly question, I live here."

it's okay, it's not weird. she's just described as a young girl

with a human name.

this is FV, that means nothing!

Yasmin calmed down instantly, she grinned again. "I'm six. It's my birthday today."

"Oh, happy birthday," Lena muttered.

"Six year old? We were here six years ago.." James said.

that's the strangest part??? who raised her?

"So who do you live with?" Lena asked.

"The monkey!" Yasmin said happily.

don't ask questions Marill

Lena invites the little girl to the ship to find out wtf is going on. The monkey clearly didn't teach little Yasmin about stranger danger, she hopped right into that van.

"Yep, she's Human," Freddie said. He put his tricorder down and he picked up his tab.

"Then where did she come from? No one in our group were pregnant," James asked.

I'm surprised James isn't sweating at this point

"Ok, Captain," Freddie said. He got to work.

"I like that," Lena said.

oh we know!

Janeway arrives and thankfully it's tame. James' sarcasm levels are extremely low

"According to the DNA scan, this girl has DNA from a deceased crewmember called Peter Taylor, and Captain Janeway.. whoever she is," Freddie replied.

and there it is

"Oh what a surprise, the whore strikes again," James said.

Sexist Crap Count: +1

says the guy who's the only one we know did the nasty on that planet, so was probably sweating the DNA test and is now relieved

Lena turned to Kathryn. "Mum, what's this all mean?"

Janeway:

"How could a kid appear out of nowhere, especially when the father is long dead?" Lena asked.

"I have no idea, I really don't," Kathryn replied.

"Alcohol's a really bad thing, after what happened with me I thought you'd avoid the stuff," James muttered.

OH MY GOD, SNAP, STAWP

"James, pack it in. Your father died twenty three years ago, there is no chance in hell that my, our mother slept with him six years ago," Lena said.

EEW

Jirlin and Denara were both on the viewscreen. Lena and James were in the centre of the Bridge, Craig was at Tactical, Triah was at opps, and Tom was at the helm.

And I was at the computer, cursing a bad back.

PS. Here & Now has a cast list unlike New Earth, so I now know who Denara's meant to be. I have no idea why she was described the way she was. The mystery continues

"You don't think that this planet was trying to heal something with this kid, do you?" Lena asked.

"It would of been possible if the child hadn't of appeared out of nowhere as you say. It's either an alien deception, or someone's been hiding a secret pregnancy. A child can't appear out of nowhere," Jirlin replied.

Kiara: HI GUYS

Lena: get out, you still don't count!

Kiara: I just want attention

Everyone else: who was that?

But seriously, no one brings up Kiara or suggests a similar circumstance. curious

"There is another way, the planet does work in mysterious ways. Maybe the child just appeared because in someone's view, they needed her to heal. The planet has been responsible for bizarre incidents like this," Denara said.

hahahaha

yeah, the planet was a bit delayed if they only just found her now. probably backed up with interrupting monkeys and plasma storms aiming for insect bite cures.

"You say that the planet has made bizarre things happen, right? Do you think it could make people come back from the dead just temporarily?" James asked.

No he's not thinking up a cunning plan. I wish he were, cos EEEW

"No, one girl came on the planet in grief of losing her brother. The planet must of sensed that she wanted to say goodbye properly, so it made him appear for her. It was only for a short length of time," Jirlin said.

seriously James never humours this for his situation. interesting

"It's just the mystery we have here is that the father of this child has been dead for twenty three years.." Lena said.

"Ah, I see. This is beginning to make sense now

EEW, I MEAN LIES

"As long as I get to be there too," James said.

"Ohno, you're not.." Lena said.

"I have a right to be there, my parents, my sister, my business," James said.

Yeah but you were naughty last week and should be grounded, or at least have a restraining order

Tom turned around, "he has a point."

wait Tom knows? and we didn't see him find out? what

"Oh please, I'm not going to try anything again. I know what'll happen if I lose control, so I'll try harder," James said.

interesting. worth quoting just for the hell of it

"Actually, it would be a good idea if he is there when I speak with her. I sense he has something to do with it," Jirlin said. Denara looked nervous.

OHHHHH, WHY NERVOUS?

"Lena, I'm fine. I know it's only been two weeks but I feel better today than I have in a while," James said.

"Prove it, smile damn it," Tom said.

"Give me something to smile about and I will," James said.

Daaamn, Tom sounds like he cares.

"Being an ex of hers will not make this easy, let me warn you now. Also the child shouldn't be here," Jirlin said.

"She's got headphones on," James muttered. Everyone glanced at Yasmin, she was listening to a personal CD Player.

Ookay maybe she should have a babysitter. Speaking of which, where's Duncan and who's watching him?

"I can tell Kathryn planned to tell James the truth during the time on the planet. Things didn't turn out that way, obviously. Kathryn was concerned about James' relationship with Jessie. Things got worse when she caught them a couple of times. Am I correct so far?" Jirlin asked.

are we still sure we want James here?

"One time she caught them she lost control of herself. Before a fight with Jessie she took her rage out on James himself. After a full blown argument Kathryn thought that she'd never be able to tell James the truth. A part of her wanted to start off fresh," Jirlin replied.

I was onboard with the story so far, yes still true, until that last sentence. I, what?

"Anyway, a part of her realised that she could never start off fresh. There were three men on the planet, one was her own son, one was a boy his age, and the other was someone she's only known for a year or so," Jirlin said.

"Anyway, a part of Kathryn knew that there was no quick fresh start. Whether she'd like to admit it or not, she did want another child, but she knew no one on the planet was going to be able to supply it. As far as I can see, she could only think of one way," Jirlin said.

"Sick bags on stand by," James muttered.

Already there since a few scenes ago

Janeway has not objected to any of this nonsense so far. Maybe she's napping

"I don't get it, I don't remember feeling like that," Kathryn said.

"There was a small part of you who wanted to tell James the truth, but there was a small part of you that was telling you that it was too late. My guess is that a small part of you wanted James' father back to give you that new child, so people wouldn't think less of you," Jirlin said.

hahahaha what a story Mark, that's sooo funny. now tell us the real one

"This is crazy. I hated his father, he was a sexist pig who didn't care about anyone. Why would I want him to be the father of another child of mine?" Kathryn asked in disbelief.

I haven't read a story this stupid since a few Re-Reads ago

it may of either brought him back from the dead and you know the rest of that, or just mixed both yours and his DNA together and then created the baby out of nowhere," Jirlin replied.

Janeway: Story of my fanfiction life

Kiara: HI...

Everyone: OUT!

Besides I'd remember giving birth, I certainly don't. I've only given birth properly once in my life, I've been through another pregnancy but that was a year later," Kathryn said.

huh?

OH, James was born off screen. I see. Ohnoes I'm in labour, turn that camera off. The next scene Janeway's holding a baby but she's KO'd. James's first off screen knock out. i need help.

"She's being honest about the pregnancy part," Denara said quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kathryn asked angrily.

beats me

"I am not, Peter Taylor is the last man I'd have a child with... I mean a second child with," Kathryn said angrily.

She placed her hand over her face. "This is not possible. I do remember, oh god I do remember... but how, I never remembered before."

"Are you saying the planet did create the baby?" Denara asked.

"Yes, but bringing Peter Taylor back from the dead would of been unnecessary if that was the case," Jirlin replied.

OK SO WE'RE AGREED, NO WEIRD PETER GHOST GROSS SCENE, GOOD

"Ohno it wouldn't, I knew Janeway was jealous of what me and Jessie had. She wasn't going to get it with Chakotay quick enough, so she wanted another good one night stand to keep her going," James said.

UM

"I don't know, this is just.. if you didn't want a one nightstand with him, why did you.." Chakotay asked.

"I don't know for crying out loud, it was a long time ago!" Kathryn snapped.

You know what I've just noticed. Lena's not in the scene. I thought she would've been. So why again does Yasmin need to be there?

I know, I know, not relevant, but this scene's really not deserving of anymore thought.

"I hope we haven't caused too much bother here," Jirlin said as he and Denara stood up.

BWAHAHAHAHA ok

"No I'm not. I can understand why you're angry, I am too," Chakotay said.

"Angry, no I'm not angry. I'm generally p*****d off. Not only did she abandon me and lie to me all these years, she wanted to forget about me and start off fresh with a new kid," James muttered.

Thankfully not that pissed off. phew

"I don't know, all of this seems very sudden to me. Maybe we're looking at this in the wrong way. I have a feeling there's something else that we should know," Chakotay said.

Is that your way of saying this whole scene stinks of mackeral that's been left out on the counter over the weekend?

Meanwhile, on a nearby ship:
Two shadowed people were standing over a computer station, giggling evilly. "They fell for it," the guy said.

"Yeah, they have the child, now we just have to wait," the girl said.

Well I'm so glad this happened immediately after. Still, I have problems. We'll get to that later.

They both started laughing evilly, one of them knocked one of the camera lights. The light shone on them both.

"Oh crap, turn that camera off," the guy panicked. The light went back off and the figures were once again mysterious shadows.

I'm still a little grumpy to laugh at this

"Isn't that girl six year old?" Freddie asked.

"Well, yeah," Lena replied.

Freddie got ready to step out of the way. "She ain't now." He stepped away. Lena gaped in shock with what she saw.

"Hiya Lena, isn't this so cool!" a sixteen year old girl laughed.

Wow, the Fifth Voyager aging the kids curse struck her super duper fast

Duncan: :(

"Yes it is. I can't explain it.

I can. I had already picked a teenaged actress.

"Well at least it'll be more realistic having a sister that's two years younger than me, mum isn't exactly a young woman anymore," Lena muttered.

"Agreed, there are twenty two years between older child and youngest child. It is better this way I guess, but not for Yasmin," Doctor Jones said.

Yeah that never seemed to bother Bryan, Kiara, Naomi and probably Danny's kids since we haven't seen them in a while.

"Doc, she ain't the first kid in this family to age fast. Kiara was the same and she's sorta ok," Lena said.

lol sorta ok

meanwhile on the Enterprise

"I don't see why we have to go risking our asses for the psycho that tried to kill us a week ago. Can't he capture a witch himself," Foster said as he and Thompson entered the room.

he's not wrong, ish. send Lena

Unu appeared again. "Ohno, this is not right. Why do I keep appearing in busy places?"

it's more convenient for the plot

In: "Don't kill her, we need her. Try to stun her."

"What the hell for, why don't we just kill her?" James asked as he came into the room. Foster and Thompson backed away nervously.

Has anyone reminded him that in Curse of Voyager they were able to replicate the book that could revive people. killing Unu is a big no no.

What, no?

omg I noticed a plot hole. killmenow

"What the hell for Lena, give me one good reason," James said.

Thompson and Foster backed further away.

In: "I can give you two. Number One, you don't want to go all evil again. Number Two, when she regenerated she got your baby as well."

oopsie daisy

I suppose it was a bit risky telling him before now

"Of course you couldn't tell could you. I've got such a great figure for a pregnant girl. Now, anything you like to say before I hit the road," Unu said.

"Yeah, I do. You're coming with me," James said.

hold still, I gotta find B'Elanna first

"Woah, no I'm not. Just because I have your kid, doesn't mean that I'm marrying you or anything crap like that. I don't even want this kid in me, it's doing my head in," Unu said.

lol and here I was wondering if Unu had lost her personality

"You don't have to worry about marriage, cos as soon as I get that kid out of you, I'm going to kill you," James muttered.

so much for that earlier line I totally knew would be important later:

"Oh please, I'm not going to try anything again. I know what'll happen if I lose control, so I'll try harder," James said.

who believed him? okay, I bet you also believe the weird Peter ghost and Janeway story too. right? ok no, too harsh. no one would believe that

She moved her hand but nothing happened, she seemed frozen.

"What the, that's creepy," Foster muttered.

hmm?

Juna was right behind Unu, smiling her head off. "Like hi again James, it's about time that I like showed you what I can like do. Pretty like cool, uh."

oh, like girl. yeah I suppose we need reminding of her for later, ahem

"This is cruelty, do you always treat your guests like this, Captain?" Unu asked angrily.

she says to Lena. everyone knows who's the queen bee by now

"It is a simple procedure. I will transport the unborn child out of you and put it into a chamber that is designed to hold a fetus. It will stay in there until we find a surrogate mother. You will not be harmed," Doctor Jones replied.

B'Elanna: 0_0 *goes on a last minute away mission*

"Excuse me, as far as I can tell this baby is four months old, you can't take it out until it's six months. If you want to keep it then you'll have to forget it. I'm not carrying it for two more months," Unu said.

Whut? I suppose she is from ancient times

but no, she is from a species with shorter pregnancies

"Nine months? That's barbaric. We just get them out when they're big enough, but not too big. At nine months the operation would kill," Unu said.

an operation, whut? wrong again

"An operation, we don't have operations. The baby comes out on it's own," Doctor Jones said.

um

this goes on a bit, so erm, yeah skip

What was left of Virus were all sitting around the main room.

So Unu, tell us about the birthing process for your species

Yes James is a part of this meeting. cos he'd give a crap about this now when his fiancee's dead and his unborn baby is being operated on. yeah

"He's just taking a while," James muttered.

"Well he would," Lena said.

"So, getting back on topic, what should we do about the band?" Triah asked.

I hope you're only doing this to distract him

"Yeah I mean if we quit like this hows it going to look. I mean the new look band didn't even release anything," Craig said.

hahaha, probably cos there weren't any new songs since Bittersweet. Wait, no Baby Don't Dance?

"Ok, ok. Who votes that we release one last single and call it a day?" Lena asked. The whole band put up their hands. "Then it's settled."

I'd post two of these but spoiler alert, it doesn't last

"Can't we have our own songs?" Faye asked.

LOL

"You were singing Here & Now earlier in the episode, plus it's the name of the episode," James said.

Meanwhile in some Sickbay his baby's being put into some experimental fake-womb life machine thingy.

Speaking of which

In: "You don't have to worry, the child is in the chamber. I must warn you though, this is highly dangerous. We have to find a surrogate mother as soon as possible."

Excuse me, do you think this is James's first time?

Craig sniggered, "I know this is a bizarre suggestion but could James carry it?"

Anyways since everything's fine for the moment, we're spared rehearsals.

"Is it just me, or are there less men around lately?" Tani asked.

"I haven't really been paying attention," Nichola replied.

Funny story, I'd forgotten all about this. Lets "watch"

Tani heard a banging noise coming from the cupboard. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Nichola asked.

"That banging noise," Tani replied.

"I didn't hear anything," Nichola said. She picked up a few pads and she looked through them. "Anyway, I was just following your advice. I've been going though the crew manifest and attempting to sort everything out."

Um. I really really doubt this is what accessoring means, not that it made any sense the way Tani said it

"Really? How's it going?" Tani asked.

REALLY?

"It's hard, I have to tell you. I have to look at these men, and talk to them before I make an evaluation," Nichola replied.

Oh phew, it's not as bad as we're all thinking

Nichola briefly glanced up at Tani and she flicked through the pads. She then went over to the cupboard. "Ensign Pores and Lieutenant Kiran," Nichola replied. She opened the cupboard, inside were two innocent and cowering guys. They tried to get out but Nichola closed the door on them again.

Oh darn, it is

"You can't lock men in your personal cupboard. People will get the wrong impression and you could get locked up for harassment," Tani said.

Yes listen to Tani, she's the expert on not harassing men *pfftsnigger*

"But you told me to accessorise.

That word again. I'm so confused

It was so difficult to sort myself out by looking through pads. I thought keeping them for a while will help me understand them more. Don't worry, I don't keep them in long," Nichola said.

And you thought Craig's pads were creepy

"Just ask them questions and stuff. I have to keep them in there while I sort everything out. When I'm sure I've learned everything I let them go," Nichola replied.

Oh yeah, then why are they cowering? I realise being locked up is enough of a reason but I'm sure it's not here

"Er.. maybe another time. What about the guy you like, have you got him yet?" Tani asked.

"I will get him, but all in good time. He does look like the difficult type to catch," Nichola replied.

OH GEE, I WONDER WHO SHE IS TALKING ABOUT

she opened the doors. "You can go, don't tell anyone, it'll ruin the test."

The guys in the cupboard looked scared stiff, they nodded quickly, they then ran away as fast as they could.

We assume they listen to her so again I ask, wtf is she doing to them

Nichola looked at another pad. She thought, "hmm, next on my list.. Lieutenant Paris, ok.. I'd better hurry." She walked out of her quarters.

What kind of order are you going in? It's sure not alphabetical

I mean, wtf!?

Who were those aliens, and what were they up to?

Isn't it obvious, they're clearly trying to out score World Domination. Jokes on them, it's impossible.

What exactly happened with Yasmin, really?

It's Kiara posing as another girl using her Q powers. It's the only way she can get screentime.

How did she age so quickly?

The question should be, how has Duncan avoided it so far?

How can New Earth bring people back from the dead?

It can't, or James would have done it by now

Who will be the baby's surrogate mother, will the baby last long enough to even get one?

uh, after this episode's "twist" all bets are off, it could be anyone

Will Tani sort out her little mess, or will lots of other guys be tortured?

I honestly don't remember, so I'll say no.

And what will happen to Unu?

Is this a trick question?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 38 (218)

Sexist Crap Count: 4 (10)

Lena the Sue Count: 0 (3)

Annika Dies Count: 0 (3)

James Kill Count: 0 (3)

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 0 (1)

James Dies Count: 0 (0)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0 (11)

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 0 (11)

Fifth Enterprise E: 0 (3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

1) Phoebe's only contribution to the series so far is being annoying. We don't need anymore of that, thanks.

2) What was the point of Sid's cameo? And how does everyone seem to know about the incident on New Earth? You know which one.

3) The Unu plot seems to be a bit rushed like it wasn't planned, you know tacked on to any old episode.

4) The pervert monkey story. Do not want to know.

5) Yes the episode makes it clear the whole Yasmin origin story is a load of bull, but the way the scene's handled, how everyone believes it. And again yes, something else is manipulating them, messing with Janeway's memory with her suddenly remembering, but most of the room were "eew gross" before then. That whole scene is just yikes. Also no one once considers this remotely similar to Kiara's appearance. I know it's not relevant at all, but its just unrealistic no one thinks of her. Also why was Yasmin there when Lena could opt out (likely to babysit Duncan) (2)

6) Yasmin's suddenly a teenager. Sure, cos her appearance wasn't stupid... er I mean weird and suspicous enough!

7) Virus. Sure it's good they disbanded, but this scene's after James discovers his unborn child didn't die with Jessie and so it needs taking from Unu to put into a surrogate. So out of place.

8) What was the point of the Unu getting confused over the pregnancy length scene?

Sub-total: 9

Positives:

1) I really like the opening scene.

2) Nichola/Nikki's misunderstanding is creepy as hell, but I can't deny that the scenes with her and Tani sorta work. Nikki's new to not Tolg life and Human society, Tani's the last person she should ask about her crushing on someone. I still don't know what Tani meant by accessorising men though. We'll never know!

3) James' banter with Lena on the planet.

4) The meanwhile in the bad guys lair reminds me of similar prequel jokes, and I'm onboard for those.

Sub-total: 4

Marill's Rating: 31%

Rankings So Far:

#01 New Earth: 50%
#02 Oasis of Abatua: 44%
#03 Here & Now: 31%
#04 Fair Chance Part 2: 23%

Meh, not surprising in the slightest.

Next Time: James and Br..Craig see a beautiful ghost and instantly become entranced with her, only to find out its some Pokemon ghost having a laugh. Oh wait no, that's the inspiration. Heh heh my bad. Let me try that again.

Next Time: James finds out he has another piece of s*** past life, some stuff about a ghost getting revenge for her murder. I dunno, the last time I read this was probably 2002 after it was released. It's another song(lyric) title so I'm sure there's something about that in there too.