Disclaimer
This episode was originally going to be the Fifth Voyager version of Tuvix, but it's changed quite a bit. Supposedly Symbiogenesis was going to be the title but they changed it to Tuvix (the TV Times mag usually calls it Symbiogenesis anyway ^_^).

Episode Synopsis
James and Tom get stuck in one body after a freak transporter accident, cue absolute chaos.

Guest Stars
Marill as herself
Vulpix as herself
?? as James/Tom (you know what I mean ^_^)
Desmond Harrington as Damien
Myleene Klass as herself
Johnny Shentall as himself and Johnny Junior
Justin Timberlake as her.. cough himself
Gareth Gates as himself
Jordan as her slutty self
Jake Wood as Sid the Psycho

Written By
Marill

Co-Written By
Vulpix

Originally Written
2nd August 2003

Re-Written
4th & 5th August 2003

Episode Based In
January 2372 (mid season 2)

Last time on B4 Fifth Voyager
"Captain I recommend we find a better pilot, to train Miss Scott," Tuvok said.

"Oh dear god, it better not be.." Danny said.

"Instructor Tom Paris at your service," Tom said cheerfully.

**
Tom groaned, "now you can go."

"Great," Danny said. She keyed in a command, the shuttle literally shot out of the bay.

"Maybe I should go back to security," Tom mumbled.

**
Tom quickly sat in Danny's seat, "oh crap it's too late.. collision course!"

Danny stopped, "what?"

The Sacajawea crashed right into another shuttle, it went flying towards a nebula. The Sacajawea stopped nearby a space station, where other shuttles were hanging around.

In: "Look Mr, you're seriously going to die for this. We have a dent in our shields now, you moron."

**
"It's a race," Tom said. Everyone stared at him, some people yawned at him. "Where we can win an engine part which'll let us fly at warp nine non stop, for a few months."

B'Elanna sat up in her chair, "that could really help our journey."

"Just a thought, there's no planets in the course is there?" Harry asked.

Tom turned pale, "oh crap, I dunno."

**
Damien pouted, "I do know actually. That bit of the ship that fell off crashed into the shuttle that's attacking."

"They obviously just wanna race or something," Jessie said.

"Or picking a fight, those aliens we crashed into are attacking them and their shuttles," Danny said.

Kathryn groaned, "fine. Send the aliens a warning shot."

Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other. "Uh huh, well we hate to sound nothing like cheesy good guys here," Chakotay said, he coughed. "But you owe us one."

"Our shuttles are going to be loose when they go near planets, for one thing you can tell us what the course is like," Chakotay said.

Damien raised his eyebrow, "we're not suppose to know, and besides the station keeps an eye on all communications between ships." He stepped closer to the viewscreen, "why don't we meet on one of your ships."

Chakotay smiled smugly, "can't keep battering the bad guys, guys. If we do, we'll be just as hated as the twerps from Pokémon."

**
Kathryn smiled sweetly, "Damien, you are the kind who cheats in these competitions, am I right?"

Damien laughed again, "you goodie two shoes want to cheat with me, that's a good one."

"The only cheating we'll be doing is checking the course for planets," Chakotay said.

Damien pulled out a PADD, he handed it to Tom. "There you go, the whole course. I still don't get this whole teaming up thing though, I've paid you back."

"Tell me though, can any of your stupid celebrities fly shuttles?" Tom asked.

Damien pulled a face, "no, they're useless. The only thing they're good for is annoying people."

"Then let us team up ok. No cheating, not including the course thing, and we'll share our shuttles and mix our teams together. What do you say?" Chakotay said.

"That's a thought, why do you want this engine?" Harry asked.

"That fight with the Kazon screwed ours up, we can only go at warp for so long before it gives up," Damien replied.

"Ok maybe it'll be easier to fix your engine. Remember we are doing you another favour by letting you borrow better pilots," Kathryn said.

**
"Ok, we're now under way. Let's catch up with everyone and win this race," Lawrence said.

Justin woke up, he glanced at Lawrence, "they're on Lap 2."

"Tom, you fly like an old lady. Let me fly," Danny moaned.

"Well you fly like a woman full stop," Tom snapped.

Danny glared in his direction. She looked around, she spotted something at the back of the shuttle. After going over there, she picked up a convenient baseball bat, don't ask, and she hit Tom over the head with it. "Yey, now I'm flying." She jumped into the pilots seat.

**
"God, how old are you.. two hundred? You can go over the 50 mile an hour limit," Claire muttered.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "I am flying at half impulse."

Claire groaned, she stood up. She smiled deviously as she went up behind Tuvok. She gave him a Vulcan neck pinch, he fell unconscious. "Ha, you don't like it do ya."

**
"It's not looking good. Shuttle 6 is a lap behind, Shuttle 1 is flying like Danny's at the helm, Shuttle 3 has stopped," Chakotay said.

"Are we winning or not?" Kathryn asked.

"No, and there's only one lap left," Chakotay replied.

**
"Uh.. Shuttle 6 has gone to warp and I need to wash my hair," Craig stuttered.

"No.. damn it, I aimed for the warp core," Damien groaned.

"Who's in that shuttle anyway?" Faye asked.

"Ugh.. Justin Poophead and some guy called Lawrence," Damien said.

Faye turned pale, "Lawrence. why did somebody let him fly? He always cheats."

"You'd think we would have passed the end line by now, we're at warp for crying out loud," Justin commented.

"Well it's hard to fly a course like this at warp, you moron.. oh for crying out loud!" Lawrence exclaimed

Justin's console started beeping in a strange way, like it was playing a tune. Justin grinned, he started singing.

Lawrence covered his ears, "what are you doing.. nooo, stop!" He tried to reach for the baseball bat again but he couldn't unblock his ears for any amount of time.

"It's working.. he's dropped out of warp and, oh crap," Damien said.

**
"Shuttle 6 and 3 have just crashed," Harry said.

"Oooh look, Shuttle 4 and another shuttle is nearing the finish line," Kathryn giggled.

"We're going to win, how predictable," Chakotay said.

"Wait, is that other shuttle our old friends, you know," Kathryn said.

**
"Oh it's not, crap I pressed the slow down button. Sorry about that," Damien replied.

"They did it, they won.. we won. What do we win, coffee?" Kathryn asked.

**
Everyone in the room, well that was conscious obviously, were still fighting away. Security team 1 were hanging around nearby, watching of course.

"Should we stop them now?" Foster asked.

"Nah, I'm having an episode off, haven't you noticed?" James replied.

And now the conclusion
The Conference Room:
Most of the main cast were at the table. Kathryn was talking, while stroking a coffee cup.

"This is a matter of urgency. We need a few teams on the surface or it'll be the end of everything," Kathryn was saying.

"What do we need, trees for oxygen? Fuel?" Tom said questioningly.

"No worse, I've ran out of real coffee and Neelix won't let me use the replicators," Kathryn replied.

"I should have guessed that was coming," Ian muttered.

"Neelix, do we need anything else?" Chakotay asked.

Neelix pulled out a PADD, "yes Commander, we'll need all of these." He handed the PADD over to Chakotay.

Chakotay glanced at the PADD, he turned pale. "Leola Root?"

"Is that really necessary?" Harry stuttered.

"Of course, I use it in every one of my special dishes," Neelix beamed.

"I feel sick," Kes muttered.

"I think we all do," Jessie said.

"Right ok. We may as well find the next m-class planet to look for food supplies. Somebody should go with Neelix, make sure he doesn't get any, you know what," Chakotay said.

"I recommend I take security team members down, Commander," Tuvok said.

"Logical idea," Kathryn said.

A little while later, a nice green planet:
Tuvok, Neelix, Tom and James were spread out, not too far, in a lush green forest. Neelix was way too cheerful for the other's comfort.

"Ah, isn't this a beautiful place, boys?" Neelix cheerfully said.

Tom ignored him and pulled a horrible face. "I can't believe we're here picking flowers and stuff like pansies."

"Well we've got to get supplies for Neelix from somewhere, don't we?" James commented.

"La la la, pretty flowers," Neelix sang, ok that word doesn't work with Neelix.

"Oh dear god, the pollen's gotten to him," Tom said. He felt the top of his head, "crap, I've got sunburn on my head."

"That's not possible," James said.

"I know.." Tom moaned.

"It looks like you put plenty sun tan lotion in your hair, so I don't get it," James said.

Tom glared, "oh screw you."

"You mean that's not sun tan lotion?" James said questioningly.

"No, it's my hair gel," Tom murmured.

James shrugged, "looks the same to me."

"Now boys, be nice. It's a too nice a day to be fighting," Neelix said.

"That's a thought, why did you say screw you to me? I thought that was your trait anyway," James said.

Tom put his hands on his hips, "I do not do that, and we're trying to keep this episode a PG."

"Ok, Janeway," James said.

Tom put his hands down, "right that's it, I can't take anymore of this."

"Hey you started it," James said.

"I did not!" Tom exclaimed.

"Not today, I mean the whole fight thing," James said.

"Fight thing?" Tom said.

James rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't keep annoying you if you hadn't of annoyed me first."

"What, when?" Tom asked, a little bewildered.

"You know, on the bridge over a year ago, with your dumb comments about me and Jessie," James said.

Tom smiled, "oh yeah."

"Mr Paris, Taylor, if you are going to argue can you please wait until you get back?" Tuvok said calmly.

"Fine, but he started it," Tom grumbled.

"It was just a joke, god," James muttered.

"Save it for your roomie," Tom said.

"Some best friend to Harry you are," James said.

Tuvok tapped his commbadge, "Tuvok to Voyager, transport Mr Taylor and Paris back to the ship."

"Look what you've done, you idiot," Tom snapped.

"Oh I'm sorry Tomina, were you having fun picking flowers?" James said while folding his arms.

Tom pouted, "where's those transporters?"

Neelix sighed in relief as James and Tom dematerialised. He faced Tuvok with a nervous expression, "Mr Vulcan, why do I feel like we've done something wrong?"

"Because we have, Mr Neelix, this is the Fifth Voyager version of Tuvix," Tuvok replied.

Neelix gasped, "and you did that so we wouldn't get merged, you're so naughty."

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "there wouldn't be any point in telling anyone else about this."

"I guess, but those two are the last two that should get merged," Neelix said.

"No, there are worse," Tuvok said.

"Like who?" Neelix asked.

"Miss Rex and Mr Paris, for example," Tuvok replied.

Neelix nodded, "I get your point, Mr Vulcan."

Voyager, the Bridge:
"Are they back yet?" Kathryn stuttered.

"No, for the twenty first time, no," Chakotay groaned.

"Actually, two of them are Commander," Harry said.

"Really!?" Kathryn exclaimed as she jumped out of her seat. The PADD she was holding went flying, and it hit Ian in the head.

Ian glared at her, "b**ch."

Transporter Room:
Sid looked up from his PADD, which had 'plans for tonight' written on it. "Uh, you're not James and Tom.."

The guy on the transporter pad looked scared to death. "Oh my god." He collapsed.

A little while later, the Bridge:
In: "Sickbay to Bridge. We have an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?" Chakotay asked.

In: "Um well, let's just say two crewmembers are just one now."

"Oh my god, who died!?" Kathryn yelled.

"Not you unfortunately," Ian muttered.

In: "Nobody technically died. I mean the two crewmembers are in just one body now."

Danny pulled a face, "which poor souls are merged together?"

"Thank god there was no sick joke there," Jessie said quietly.

In: "Mr Paris and Taylor."

Everyone's eyes widened. "Oh my god.. we're going to die," Harry stuttered.

Danny nodded her head, "uh huh." She looked in Jessie's direction, she fainted.

"I really need that coffee now," Kathryn said, shaking like mad.

Sickbay:
"So how is the freak of nature?" Lee asked.

"He's fine Mr Williams, and it's not really a freak of nature. Just a freak of 24th century technology," the Doctor said.

"This is why my stepdad protested against that kind of crap," the guy said. He pulled a face, "wait, I'm not a freak, he is."

"What should we do with it, Doctor?" Kes asked.

"He's not an it, he's a he," the Doctor said.

"Oh so that's what Tom is," Kes said.

The guy laughed, then he turned serious, "hey you can laugh pal."

The Doctor felt his forehead, "this is very strange though. The transporters should have merged both DNA strands together to make somebody brand new, but instead it's a new body but with both men's personality and memories still separate from each other."

"Obviously the transporters didn't fully merge them properly," Lee said.

"Indeed, this is very strange," the Doctor said.

"Who cares, let's get that cure," the guy said.

Danny and Jessie came into the room, Jessie was holding onto Danny's arm. "It's ok Jess, you just fainted.. there's no need to come here.. woah."

The guy rolled his eyes, "oh great, this'll be interesting."

"Oh god, I think I'm going to faint again," Jessie muttered.

The Doctor rushed over to her, "it's not as bad as you think. Both personalities are still separate, they're not fully merged together."

"You have a cure don't you? Tom's my ex, James is my best friend, well one of them," Danny said.

"Aaw, really?" the guy said. Then he laughed, "aaw, how sweet."

"Ok this is just confusing," Kes moaned.

The Doctor nodded, "yes it is. Usually the most dominant one would take over the body, obviously both can't do it at once. Obviously neither are stronger than the other."

"You kidding, he's a weakling," the guy said.

"Not physically stronger, I'm talking about.." the Doctor said.

The guy interrupted him, "ooh, am I freakishly strong now?"

"I don't know. Everytime I scanned James, there was nothing that could prove why he is as strong as he is," the Doctor said.

"But without the freakishly strong thing, he'd still be tougher than Tom," Danny commented.

"B**ch," the guy muttered.

"Ok, how are we suppose to know who's talking?" Lee asked.

"James wouldn't call me a b**ch after I complimented him and insulted Tom," Danny replied. She shook her head, "idiot."

"She is right though," Jessie said.

"Yeah right, you're just saying that cos you love him so much," the guy muttered. He hit his head hard, "screw you Paris."

"Anyway, I'll try working on the cure. I'll keep you up to date," the Doctor said.

Lee laughed, "are you seriously suggesting that they should be released?"

"They're only a threat to themselves, but they should learn that when they hit the other, it would hurt them too," the Doctor replied.

"Yeah but has anyone seen anyone with multiple personalities in public before?" Lee asked.

"No," everyone replied.

"No, because they're in nut houses.. unless they haven't been caught yet," Lee said.

"Yes, but we can make an exception in this case," the Doctor said.

"No wait, this isn't going to work. You two are going to have to think of a schedule. You know, James can have control for two hours, and then Tom can take over later," Jessie said.

"That's actually a good idea," Danny said.

"No way, no way in this universe am I letting him control my body for two hours while I do nothing," the guy said.

"Which one was that?" Danny whispered.

"It might have been both," Lee replied.

"Not possible," the Doctor said.

"It was him," the guy said.

"Ok the schedule thing is a good idea," Danny said.

The guy rolled his eyes, "that's just great."

"I think we need to give him a name, the guy doesn't sound very good," Kes said.

"Tommes?" Lee suggested. Everybody laughed. "Maybe not."

"Jom?" Danny giggled.

"Maybe just Tom/James, it's just for the narration after all," the Doctor said.

"Why should his name be first?" the guy asked.

"Ok whoever's in charge of the body at the time, their name will be first," Jessie replied.

"The best idea I've heard all day," the Doctor said.

End of Part I

Part II

Captains Log Stardate who gives a tiny rat's arse, I need coffee right now!!!!!

Um, Commander Chakotay's Log Supplemental: Tom and James have been merged into one body after a transporter accident. We have devised system for the two, so no one gets confused about who's who. At the moment it's Tom's turn, but I'm not looking forward to the changeover time.

Outside the Mess Hall:
Harry was heading towards the Mess Hall doors. Tom/James came up behind him, he tapped his shoulder. Harry jumped a mile, he turned around. "Tom.. James, who is it?"

"Tom.. duh," Tom/James replied.

"So what's James doing while you're in control?" Harry asked.

Tom/James pulled a face, "well the Doctor was wrong, while I'm in control he's not gone. He keeps insulting me with petty jibes."

"Oh, so he's in your head all the time?" Harry said questioningly.

Tom/James looked like he was going to cry, "he's nastier in his head."

"I'd imagine that he has a lot of restraint with you, the arsehole," Harry muttered.

"You do realise that he heard you, right?" Tom/James said.

"So, it was the truth," Harry said. James/Tom smacked Harry across the head. "Tom, why did you do that?"

Tom/James stepped closer to him, "sorry, that was him. The urge to hit you was too strong to fight."

"Thanks Tom, you're such a good friend," Harry muttered.

Tom/James smiled, "I know." Harry stared angrily at him.

Sickbay, the Doctor's office:
"Ugh.. I don't understand any of this!" Kes sighed, she rubbed her forehead.

The Doctor looked up from his computer, "no I don't either. Maybe we're concentrating our efforts in the wrong place."

"What do you mean?" Kes asked.

"Instead of trying to work out how it happened, we should just try to think of a way to separate them," the Doctor replied.

"Doctor, it was an accident. There was a low chance of it happening then, let alone doing the totally opposite," Kes said.

"Not really. We have the transporter logs from when they beamed down, we can try beaming those DNA strands separately from the spot the hybrid is now," the Doctor said.

"But one mistake and heck, we may get clones," Kes said. She shuddered slightly, "sorry, I just thought about Tom clones."

"That won't happen anyway. We don't think the transporters can make clones," the Doctor said.

"Oh thank god," Kes sighed.

"We may be onto something though. At the moment it's our only cure," the Doctor said.

"Should I tell them?" Kes asked.

"No, we'd better not get their hopes up," the Doctor replied.

A few hours later, the Bridge:
Tom/James stepped of the turbolift, he strolled his way over to Jessie. "Hi Jess," he said.

Jessie turned her head to look at him briefly, "hi." She turned back to her console.

Tom/James sat on the console, "You know that since we're friends, we should crank it up a notch."

"I'm not friends with you, Tom," Jessie muttered without looking up at all.

James/Tom tried not to laugh, "told you so."

Jessie shook her head, "oh for god's sake."

"You have no idea how well that should have worked, what gave it away?" Tom/James moaned.

Jessie looked up from the console, "oh I don't know, the whole thing."

"God you are gay man," Tom/James grumbled. He smacked himself. "Ha, that hurt you more than you thought."

"Like I'd ever say let's crank it up a notch," James/Tom said.

Jessie pulled a disgusted face, "you know I just thought, Danny would have loved that comment."

"PG, PG," Tom/James said through gritted teeth.

"Look I think this is gross, you thought I would get off with a guy who's half my best friend and half the second most annoying guy I've ever met?" Jessie said.

"Aaaw, second, who's the first?" Tom/James asked.

"That's not important," James/Tom muttered.

"If it's you ok, but if not then shut up, this is my time," Tom/James said.

Jessie raised her eyebrow, "you know this is disturbing."

"More so for me, and by the way Tom, this is my time," James/Tom said.

"But it's only five to," Tom/James moaned.

"Look, my time is five to ten, deal with it," James/Tom said.

"I'm going to do a double shift," Jessie stuttered. She looked back down at the console.

"But I chose the five to ten slot so we can hang out, and take my mind off this," James/Tom said. He pulled a face, "hey I can hear everything you think."

"Look I'd love to help you, it's just this is freaking me out," Jessie said.

"Freaking you out, it's worse for me here," James/Tom said.

Tom/James rolled his eyes, "oh please, what about all the nasty things you think about me."

"What about all the dirty images of Kes and a certain someone," James/Tom said.

Jessie gasped, "that certain someone better not be me."

Tom/James blushed, "no, of course not."

Jessie clenched her fists, "ok James, this is not for you." She then slapped Tom/James in the face.

2300 hours, Sickbay:
Kes headed out the office, "doc, I'm just getting a drink."

"Ok," the Doctor said without lifting his head up.

Kes left the room, she bumped into Tom/James. He smiled, "how you doing?"

Kes groaned, "I'd kick you in what humans call balls, but you're kinda James as well so I won't."

"How strange, Jessie said the same thing, but that didn't stop her slapping me," Tom/James said.

"I can't see her saying the exact same thing," Kes said, folding her arms.

"Well instead of the words; what, humans, call, she said the," Tom/James said.

"Look I don't have time, I'm just having a break from helping you and James," Kes said.

"But you're not, you're just helping me," James/Tom said.

Kes looked confused, "which one said that?"

"Who do you think, selfish g**," Tom/James muttered in response.

Kes smiled, "oh Tom right." She walked off.

"Suck up," Tom/James muttered. He hit his head, "can't you stop thinking up insults for a few minutes!?"

Meanwhile, the FVDA ship:
Everyone casted, except Damien, were dragging a conference table into the bridge, through the main doors.

"Where should we put this boss?" Johnny asked.

Damien made his thinking face, if you're wondering it looks like he has migraine. "Hmm, good question."

"Um hurry up, this is really heavy," Myleene moaned. She stepped away, "but not for me though, cos I was just pretending to. I didn't want to break a nail."

"Should we carry Myleene's throne in while we're on a roll?" Johnny Junior grumbled.

Myleene placed her hand on her chest, "how sweet, really?" She playfully punched the original Johnny in the arm. He of course lost his grip on the table, it fell on top of Justin who was conveniently underneath it before the accident.

"I think I like it here, sit down slaves," Damien commanded.

Everyone but Justin did as they were told, obviously Justin was occupied with something. "Uh boss, why is the table so high?" Gareth meekly asked.

"Damn the chairs," Damien groaned. He clapped his hands, "chop chop people." Everyone groaned, Justin more so.

A few minutes of spinning around on chairs later:
"Ok down to business people," Damien said, looking a bit tired out. Johnny Junior fell off his chair.

"We have business, cool what do we sell?" Johnny asked.

Damien stared blankly at him, "anyway we found a new recruit. Jordan!"

The doors opened, as they did everyone gasped in horror. Johnny Junior sat up, "my god, I should stop my spinning chair addiction."

Gareth covered his face, "ohno, there goes my fans, dignity and popularity."

"Ok mate, you only had two of those, and you cheated to get them," Damien said.

Jordan made her way slowly over to Gareth, she fell over but bounced straight back up. She glanced menacingly at Gareth, "you, come here."

Gareth's eyes literally popped out, he put them back in and ran for his life. Jordan ran after him, of course you should not imagine it.

Myleene burst into tears, "she's more slutty than me, what am I going to do?"

"Second bit of business.." Damien said.

Justin appeared at the side of the table, "what did I miss?"

"Second bit of business!" Damien yelled, everyone present jumped. "All of you suggested attacking Voyager, but I'm not going to do that just yet. We'll be hated."

"Not really, cos Team Rocket from Pokémon do that, and I'm sure they have more fans," Johnny Junior said.

"Ooh fans, that'll help," Myleene giggled.

"Fine, we'll attack but we need a plan," Damien said.

"How about we attack the ship with a giant hoover," Justin said.

"I should have been more clear, I meant to say a plan that will work," Damien said.

The next day:
Voyager, Sickbay:
Tom/James ran into the room, he pushed Lee out of the way as he did. "Doc you've got to do something, we can't even sleep. I was having a nice dream about Jess... Jessica Stanley, you don't know her, and then all of a sudden I was watching people getting cut up into pieces."

The Doctor stared blankly, "um well actually.."

"It's not my fault, that dream keeps coming back," James/Tom grumbled.

"Boys, I've found a cure," the Doctor said.

Tom/James squealed like a girl, he hugged the Doctor. He pulled away looking a bit flushed, "um that squeal was James, and the hug too."

"Fair enough, but you're just promoting the fact that you're an annoying brain-mate," Lee said.

James/Tom laughed, "he's dead right."

"Arseholes, the lot of you," Tom/James grumbled.

"Fine ok, we'll cure you and then we'll merge you with Janeway," Lee said.

Tom/James looked scared, "I'll be good."

"Ok let's do it," the Doctor said.

"Stay still or this'll go freakishly wrong," Kes ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Tom/James said.

The Doctor keyed in some commands on the station, "energising."

Tom/James dematerialised, a few seconds later Tom and James rematerialised separately.

"Oh thank god, I can think dirty again," Tom said.

"Didn't stop you before," James said, looking disgusted.

"Well, that's over.. so quickly too," Lee said.

Marill appeared, "hey you try re-writing an episode where you forget 60% of the one-liners."

"60% Where is the other 40%?" Tom asked.

Marill glared at him, she pulled out a notepad and started to scribble ideas onto it (scribble is an accurate word). "See you in the next episode Tommy," she said evily. She then disappeared.

Tom swallowed hard, "oh crap, what's she going to do? Kill me or something?"

"We can only hope," James said. He left the room.

The FVDA ship:
All was well on the bridge, Gareth was getting slapped to death by Jordan. Of course Justin, being the pervert he was, was ogling Jordan. Johnny was ogling himself in the mirror.

"So the plan is to attack Voyager next episode is it?" Damien grumbled.

"Well I can't attack when I haven't had my weekly shower," Myleene said.

Johnny Junior moved further away from her, "attack now Damien, but she's blasting off in an escape pod."

Jordan finished slapping Gareth to death, he is immortal remember. She turned around, and spotted Justin. "What are you staring at?"

Justin went red, "nothing, I swear."

Johnny Junior scoffed, "nothing in nature, huge in plastic surgery."

Jordan tried her best to look more sluttier than usual, she made her way over to Justin. She fell over again but landed on Justin, crushing him.

Damien groaned, "I need better slaves."

****THE END****

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