Captains Log Stardate 48440.2 - Lieutenant Torres has taken command of Engineering. The crew is still having problems adjusting to the Marquis crew. I hope one day the crew will start getting along with them.

Engineering
Kathryn strode in. She stopped, and watched everyone working. She smiled to herself, and she continued walking. She reached the warp core, then she glanced around. She then headed towards a small station where Jessie was working.

"Crewman," Kathryn said.

Jessie looked up, and she screamed. Everyone else laughed.

"Crewman, what are you screaming at?" Kathryn asked, she put her hands on her hips.

"I thought you were a monster, sorry about that," Jessie replied.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes at the young Marquis. She tried to calm herself down.

"Where's your friend, I need to speak to him?" Kathryn asked.

Jessie shrugged. "I don't know. Somewhere in Engineering I guess."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, and she walked away. B'Elanna stepped off the lift and she nearly walked into Kathryn.

"Torres, where is Crewman Taylor?" Kathryn asked.

B'Elanna raised her eyebrow. "Er, he's on the upper floor. What's he done wrong this time?"

Kathryn sighed, "nothing, as far as I know. I just want to talk to him." She headed for the lift, and she stepped onto it. B'Elanna sighed, and she walked away.

The main doors opened, and Tom stepped inside. He looked around to see if he could recognise anybody. Nobody but B'Elanna seemed familiar at first. He spotted Jessie working, well sort of working. He walked over to her.

"Hey," Tom said.

Jessie looked up at him, and she cringed slightly. "You. What do you want?"

"I take it you remember me, huh. I'm Tom Paris, what's your name?" Tom asked.

"Yeah I know, every Marquis knows your name," Jessie muttered.

"I asked you what your name was," Tom said.

Jessie rolled her eyes, "Jessie Annet, but I prefer Jessie Rex."

"Er, I don't get it. Why do you..." Tom said questioningly.

"My proper mum's surname was Annet, but my adopted parents' surname was Rex. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm working," Jessie said.

Tom eyed the console, and he looked back at Jessie. "Which game is that? It looks like Pinball."

Jessie's eyes shot back up at him. He visibly cringed, she had a ferocious look in her eyes. She looked back down at the console, and she turned the game off. "Don't start with me, Paris."

"Don't worry, I won't tell Torres," Tom said.

Kathryn and James got off the lift thing. She walked faster than he did, and she was nearly at the door by the time he reached Jessie's station.

"What does she want?" Jessie asked.

"I don't know, but it can't be good," James replied.

"Crewman! Hurry up!" Kathryn yelled from the doorway. James sighed, and he quickly caught up with her.

Jessie smiled, and she shook her head. She continued 'working'. Tom turned back to her.

"So, erm, who was that?" Tom asked.

"None of your business," Jessie replied.

"Was he your boyfriend or something?" Tom asked.

Jessie's eyes shot up at him again, this time with an even more ferocious look in her eyes. Before Tom knew what was happening, he was lying on the ground with a huge black eye.

B'Elanna rushed over, followed by Faye and a few others. Jessie looked like she was going to hit Tom again. B'Elanna quickly held her back.

"Well, I take that as a yes then," Tom muttered. It sounded like to him that Jessie growled. She kicked him hard in the knee cap.

"Paris, you'd better get to Sickbay," B'Elanna said.

Tom climbed to his feet, and he quickly limped out of Engineering.

Sickbay
The Doctor was trying to treat Tom's eye as Tuvok and Chakotay came in.

"How many more of your ex-crew will be attacking the Federation crew, Commander?" Tuvok asked. Chakotay chose to ignore the Vulcan's remark.

"What happened exactly?" Chakotay asked.

"Jessie hit me, and then she kicked me," Tom replied.

"Hmm, she's always been a bit too hard to control," Chakotay muttered.

"No offense, Chakotay, but that girl is insane. I only asked her a nice simple yes or no question, she just lost it," Tom said. He sat up, the Doctor shook his head and he forced him back down onto the bed.

"I wish you patients will stay still when I treat you," the Doctor muttered.

"Will you explain what happened?" Tuvok asked.

"I told you, she hit and kicked me," Tom said sarcastically.

"I think he meant what happened before then?" Chakotay asked.

"We were talking. The other guy that was on the Ocampan planet with her and Harry stopped to talk to her. Janeway told him off, so he left with her. I asked Jessie if he was her boyfriend," Tom replied.

"That is all?" Tuvok asked.

"That is all," Tom muttered.

"James.. hmm, you really shouldn't get yourself involved with those two," Chakotay said.

"What, why?" Tom asked.

"Believe it or not, but they caused the most trouble on the Marquis ship. And no, they're just best friends," Chakotay replied.

"Hmm, a boy and girl that are best friends. They either get involved, fall out with each other and then kill each other probably. If either doesn't happen then that guy must be gay," Tom said.

Chakotay glanced at Tuvok. "What?"

"An old theory of mine, a lot of my friends agreed. Commander, male and female friendships never stay, unless one is gay. It's a fact," Tom replied.

"Really, James did mention that he was accused of it at school," Chakotay muttered.

"I told you he was the gay one," Tom said.

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Tom, your theory is pre-20th century. And if I were you, I wouldn't say he was gay to his face," Chakotay said.

"Why?" Tom asked.

"You'll see if you do," Chakotay said.

The Mess Hall, the next day
Kathryn walked up to the replicator and she ordered a coffee. She headed towards the door on the other side of the room.

Kathryn thought, "oh coffee. I love the smell of coffee."

Danny, Lisa and Ian were sitting at a table. Kathryn stopped next to theirs.

"How are you all settling in?" she asked them.

"Fine," they all replied quickly.

Kathryn walked away.

Danny thought, "That hair is awful, you'd never see me dead with hair like that."

Lisa thought, "was that Anne Robinson? It sure looked like it."

Ian thought, "that Janeway will give me nightmares tonight, how can hair get that big? I need some beer."

Jessie and James came into the room, and James nearly bumped into Kathryn.

Kathryn thought, "stupid dick head, I could of spilt my precious coffee. Mmm, I wonder if there's any coffee ice cream."

"Ensign, please watch where you're going," Kathryn said as she left the room.

"Yes mum," James said.

"Am I missing something, did she just call you Ensign?" Ian asked.

"Yeah, he's been promoted for god only knows why," Jessie replied as she and James sat down at Ian and co's table.

"What did she tell you?" Danny asked.

"I don't know, I wasn't listening," James replied.

"Then how do you know you're an Ensign?" Lisa asked.

"She got me interested when she finished her fourth cup of coffee. She must put alcohol in that stuff," James replied.

"What did she say when she was hyper?" Ian asked.

"Something about being proud of me, and wanting coffee ice cream. She said something like 'I'm the Captain, so I'm going to make you an Ensign.' Then she called me son. That's when I freaked out, and left the room," James replied.

"That's something I'd like to see," Danny said with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Oh my god," Lisa stuttered. She was watching Faye playing with Puppy in my Pockets on a table. Lots of chocolate wrappers and coke bottles were scattered at the edge of the table.

"Is it just me or has this entire ship gone loopy?" Danny asked.

"Loopy," Ian replied.

Kes walked in with two people following her. She stopped suddenly and the two people kept bowing at her.

"Would you people quit following me around," Kes said angrily.

"Your wish is my command, oh great one," one of the people said. He walked away. The other one was still bowing at her.

"Who are you anyway?" Kes asked.

"I am your loyal fan, Clive," the second person said.

Kes glanced at Neelix who had just entered the room. He was watching them.

Neelix thought, "that little dips***! How dare he go after my Kes."

Neelix stormed over to Kes and Clive.

"What do you think you're doing. I'm getting insanely jealous like every other time a guy is within a metre of you."

"He's a fan of mine, Neelix," Kes said sweetly.

Kes thought, "maybe this fan might be my key to breaking up with Neelix."

"He'll follow me everywhere I go, well not everywhere... obviously," Kes said.

"But I can't go on dates with you if he's there wanting an autograph or other crap like that," Neelix moaned.

"That's a shame, isn't it," Kes muttered.

"Well I won't date you until that fan, and any other fan, is gone," Neelix said, and he stormed out of the room.

Kes thought, "cool it worked. Oh great, I'll still have to get rid of these fans who keep following me around."

Kes noticed that her fan was watching Claire now.

"Excuse me," Clive said quickly, and he went up to Claire.

Claire noticed him, and she glanced at him nervously.

"What?" she said questioningly.

"I am a loyal Katie fan, oh and Kes fan," Clive replied.

"That's nice," Claire muttered.

Marill appeared out of nowhere as usual.

"That's where you got to. I think that's enough of a guest appearance for you I'm afraid," she said. She folded her arms, and then she sighed. "I'll give you a chain-saw if you come with me."

"Ooh a chain-saw," Clive muttered. He and Marill disappeared. Marill reappeared again, and she stole somebodies Cherry Coke bottle, then she disappeared again.

"Ok, that was worrying," Danny muttered.

Later
Faye had finally sobered up, and she was walking down the corridor on Deck 6. She walked into her quarters, she stopped and stared at the most hideous sight.

"Laura, please don't bring your boyfriends here," Faye said as she folded her arms.

O'Hara and Thompson, erm, discontinued their activities.

"I'll catch you later, on," Thompson said. O'Hara giggled as Thompson kissed her on the cheek. He walked out.

"Ok, I'll be in the bathroom puking up," Faye said, and she headed for the bathroom.

O'Hara shook her head. "Kids."

Faye stood in front of the mirror. She shook her head before using the water from the sink to rinse her face. She looked back up at the mirror. A strange light shone in her eyes, so she blocked them with her arm.

She then moved her arm away, and she found herself in a totally different place. She was in a strange white room, with padded walls. Yes, you've guessed it, she was wearing a straightjacket... I lie, she wasn't. She's just wearing basic white clothes.

The only door in the room opened, and two people in medical uniforms came in. One was a guy who looked in his forties, yet he still had grey hair, and a grey beard. The other was a woman in her twenties. She had un-natural blonde hair, and she was very tall.

The two walked up to Faye.

"Where am I?" Faye asked nervously.

The two doctor people looked at each other and they smiled.

"You're in a mental hospital," the guy said.

"What, why?" Faye asked.

"She's finally coming around," the woman said.

"Yes she is," the guy said. He turned back to Faye. "You've been here for a few weeks. Your parents brought you in here because a friend of yours has been trying to destroy you mentally. You were believing that you were a character in a TV show."

Faye shook her head. "What TV show?"

"Fifth Voyager. You're an actor for it. You got the part over your friend. He's been trying to destroy you. Ever since the filming for the second episode started, you started thinking you were your actual character. That's when we lost you," the guy replied.

"You've been in a daze for 2 weeks," the woman said.

Faye shook her head again. "Are you trying to say that Voyager isn't a real ship, and the people there aren't either?"

"Yes. The crew were only the characters your fellow actors play," the guy said.

"No, this isn't right," Faye muttered.

"What's your name?" the guy asked.

"Faye O'Tani," Faye replied.

"No, your name is Colleen Fitzpatrick. You only play Faye O'Tani," the woman said.

"But Colleen is 28, how come I feel 14?" Faye asked.

"Colleen isn't 28. If my guess is accurate, she'll be 28 in 7 years," the guy said.

"What? What year is this?" Faye asked.

The two doctor people looked at each other again.

"1995," the guy replied.

"But that's when Third Voyager started, I think. Fifth Voyager didn't start until 2000," Faye said.

"Colleen, that reality wasn't real," the guy said.

"Why don't we familiarise her with the studio?" the woman said.

"Good idea, Nurse Fuller," the guy said.

Meanwhile, Sickbay
The Doctor was scanning Faye as she lay unconscious on the biobed. O'Hara was standing nearby.

"What's wrong with her?" O'Hara asked.

"I've heard about this in my database," the Doctor muttered.

"Well?" O'Hara said questioningly.

"Well basically she's dreaming, but she can't wake up. All I have to do is give her the right amount of medical technobabble and she'll wake up," the Doctor replied.

"Oh right?" O'Hara said.

"Not that you really understood that," the Doctor said in a smug voice.

"Ok, I gotta go now," O'Hara muttered. She headed towards the door. "Arse hole," she said under her breath, and she stepped out.

Meanwhile
Harry was walking down the corridor on deck 7, all on his own. He heard yelling coming from further down the corridor. He walked faster to see what the commotion was all about.

He turned the corner and he stopped suddenly.

"What are you doing, you crazy b******?" Craig asked.

Sid turned around and he grinned at the teen.

"What does it look like?" Sid asked. He turned around again, and he looked down the turbolift shaft.

"It looks like you're insane," Craig replied.

Harry walked over to Craig's side.

"What is he doing?" Harry asked.

"This guy's always been crazy. Too be honest with you, I bloody have no idea," Craig replied.

"Ooh, there's the turbolift. I'll have to wait for it to get to Deck 15," Sid muttered to himself. The turbolift passed the open doors and continued down.

Harry went up to the insane lunatic.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"Oh, it's just a hobby of mine. This is the first time I've tried it with a working turbolift. The last time it was only a ship with 2 decks. But this way it'll be 8 decks, I can't get any higher than that. If I do I won't be able to do this anymore," Sid said.

"Please don't tell me you're going to absail down the turbolift shaft," Harry said in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, it's so fun, especially when you don't have a rope. Do you want to join me?" Sid asked.

"That's a death sentence!" Harry exclaimed.

"No, no. I've worked it out. When the lift gets to Deck 15, it'll come back up. That's when I go, I'll be at a steady speed when I land on the lift," Sid said.

"I'm not letting you do this," Harry said.

"It's ok, Chinese boy. He likes getting hurt," Craig said.

Harry stared blankly at Craig. "Er, how?"

"A Doctor said he has a problem with his nerves. Any pain that goes through them, the brain makes it feel good to him," Craig replied.

"Ok, that's never happened before," Harry muttered.

"Here I go, this'll be the best one yet!" Sid exclaimed. He jumped through the door. Harry and Craig went closer to it to watch him.

Harry and Craig cringed after 10 seconds.

"Wow! That felt good!" Sid's voice exclaimed.

"I think we'd better stop it here just in case. If it goes to Deck 1 he'll feel pain for a nanosecond, then he'll go to Insane Heaven," Craig said. He pressed the button on the side of the lift doors.

The turbolift came back up and it stopped. Several scared people rushed out of it. Harry and Craig went in, and they saw a Sid shaped dent in the ceiling.

"Cool! I've broken my leg! Oh cool, I think I'm getting a gangrene!" Sid's voice yelled from above them.

Harry and Craig glanced at each other with worried expressions on their faces.

Back in Faye's dream
Faye, Nurse Fuller and the other guy came into a large studio. It was the Bridge set.

"This can't be," Faye muttered.

"Yes, this is Voyager... a few mere sets," the guy said.

A huge bunch of the cast came over to Faye and co.

"Wow, is she cured yet?" Claire asked.

"Almost Katie, she's out of the daze but she's having trouble remembering," the guy replied.

"Ooh, I wanna dance! Put some bubblegum pop on!" James, or H suddenly yelled out. Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Damn hyperactivity, who forgot to give him those anti-hyper pills?" Kathryn/Kate asked.

Jessie/Lisa tried to look innocent as she slowly raised her hand. Lena/Lene and Craig/Søren ran in.

"You want bubblegum pop? Ok, you got it!" Lene yelled.

Claus and Rene from Aqua came in too. Søren and Claus pulled instruments out of nowhere and started playing Roses Are Red. Lene and Rene started dancing and/or jumping around. They started singing.

The casting director ran into the room "Hey, hey! Lene, you're not cast until Season 6, get out of here now!"

Lene pouted, and she stormed off. Rene and Claus followed her. Søren put away his guitar.

"No fair, I like her," Søren pouted. H, in his usual hyper manner, came over and patted him hard on the shoulder.

"It's ok Søren, you'll be getting married to her in 2001," Tom/Robert said.

Søren grinned, "yeah, in 2000 we'll be an item!"

"I really wish they wouldn't act like this, Doctor Johnson, Colleen might get put off this life," Nurse Fuller said.

"I agree, let's go," Doctor Johnson said.

Johnson and Fuller looked at their patient, she was lying on the ground. They both knelt down and checked her pulse.

"Oh dear god, we've lost her!" Doctor Johnson yelled. Everyone gasped, well except H.

"I wanna say it! Here I go, DEAL WITH IT!" H yelled. Everyone looked at him like he was drunk (which he his).

Sickbay
Faye woke up with the Doctor in her face. She screamed.

"I see you're awake now, thanks to my expert care," the Doctor said. He walked away.

Faye sat up, and she looked around.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You collapsed in your quarters. Whatever you experienced after that was only a dream," the Doctor replied.

"Phew, that's good," Faye muttered.

The Doctor looked slyly at the camera. "Or was it? Deal with it!"

"Doctor, you're freaking me out," Faye said.

The Doctor turned around. "Sorry, I do that sometimes."

Faye quickly climbed off the bed. "That's nice, Doc, I'll be off now." She then ran out of the room.

The Ready Room
"Why the hell are you doing that?" Chakotay asked. He sat down in the chair.

"Chakotay, I talked to the boy. I'm very worried, I think my suspicions maybe correct. I've already asked the Doctor to do a scan," Kathryn said.

"What are you talking about?" Chakotay asked.

"I think a member of your crew may be, oh I can't say," Kathryn said. Dramatic music enveloped the entire room for some unknown reason

The drama in the room was cut off when Chakotay burst out laughing. "Sorry, couldn't help it. I take it you were meant to actually say something dramatic there."

Kathryn glared at Chakotay, "it isn't a joke."

"Ok, are you going to tell me what it is?" Chakotay asked.

"No, I'm leaving that to Episode Five, Season Three of ordinary Fifth Voyager needs to get to it's second episode before I say anything," Kathryn said.

"Aaaw, can't you tell me by whispering in my ear?" Chakotay asked.

"Fine, that'll have to do," Kathryn replied. Kathryn whispered something into Chakotay's ear. He stared at Kathryn in absolute shock and disbelief.

"You believe in the tooth fairy!" Chakotay exclaimed.

"Keep it down, you idiot. Anyway, that wasn't the proper news," Kathryn said. She whispered something else into his ear.

"Oh my god!" Chakotay gasped.

*******
What did Janeway tell Chakotay? Why does Episode Two of Season Three got to do with this secret? Why does Sid have dodgy nerves? Why has Carey disappeared in this episode instead of the next one? What is it with Janeway and coffee? Why did James get promoted? And why are only Kes & Claire being tormented by fans?
Find out the answers to most of these questions in the next installment of B4 Fifth Voyager!

*******

****THE END****

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