Marill Re-Reads "Saturday Night"

I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after the last one. Let's hope this one sweetens things up a bit.

Episode Synopsis
Naomi is found murdered in her quarters, with no suspects Tuvok has no way of solving this mystery until the following Saturday another girl is murdered.

Oh. Still angry? That's okay I suppose, can't say I blame...

Written
15th September 2001

OH COME ON MARILL, GET SOME PERSPECTIVE AND SOME RESPECT

Seriously. I dumped Memories, a harmless little filler episode about Chakotay's memory of Voyager being wiped for another episode of murder and mayhem? Four days after 9/11. WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME? God. 2001 me had no soul.

GAH, I'll try to go into this with an open mind, guys. This isn't a good start. I guess I did know that Memories was only delayed then cancelled THEN moved into B4FV Season Two to fill an empty spot because it was too "nice" and I still needed my angry typing. I assume the events of that week only added to it, still no excuse. And yet my delay of Friday The Thirteenth because it coincidentally fell on the anniversary week was the one that caused outrage, not this? Okay? Anyway!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neelix was sorting out the auditions his latest masterpiece, his new double movies called Bagámon: The Meowthree Strikes Back and Bagámon: Resolution Bogia.

Well this is a fine start

I'm laughing? That's a good thing right? :/ I don't think I want to see Resolution Bogia, that doesn't sound pleasant.

"Okay, I've got my entire cast. Dust Sauce will be played by Tom. Foggy Weather will be played by Morgan," Neelix said.

Already 10x better than Dimension Jump.

I wonder what Brock's name will be. Astone Restrainingorder? Pebbles Needamace? And what about really a boy Tracey? Jesse Drawers? I hope the Pokémon company sue once they see the mascot; Leeratu.

"I have to play somebody called Foggy Weather? I auditioned for the part of Ashley," Morgan moaned.

Who's that? I don't see the notpun there.

"That part has been taken. Anyway, Craig will play Rocky Ten. Julian Drawers will be played by Lee," Neelix said.

I WAS CLOSE FOLKS

I personally prefer Pebbles Needamace. Nobody's perfect.

"Ashley and Terry aka Team Satellite will be played by Jessie and James," Neelix said.

OH. Oh Morgan, did you really think you'd get the Team Rocket role. When will you learn the FV rules.

PS those names suck. You lost it after Foggy Weather. Should've been Steve and Tani, for ole nostalgia sake.

"Hey, we didn't audition," Jessie said.

"Er, yes you did you just don't remember it. You've lost your memories," Neelix stuttered.

OOPS MY BAD

Marill Re-Reads "Memories"

"We've not lost our memories, idiot," Jessie said.

*needlescratch* Oh, haha, awkward

For all you young uns out there, a needle or record scratch is the noise made when the TV show/film's music stops abruptly, likely due to something stupid happening aka Fifth Voyager's entire soundtrack.

TOMORROW'S MARILL FEELS OLD LESSON what's the Save symbol meant to be?

Terry's psychotic fiancée, will be played by Tani," Neelix said. Tani almost looked like she was going to start drooling.

Oh come on, James has had his fill of sexual harrassment already in this season. Those rope burns will never heal.

"But shouldn't we film the first movie first?" Tom asked.

"I like the second movie's storyline better," Neelix replied.

IT IS SHIPPIER

"It's all in the legend, the world will turn to dust," Morgan said in her best Misty voice. Everyone looked at Tom.

That's not as clever as you think, Marill. Changing ash to dust *slow clap*

Lee said in his best Tracey voice.

Author's Note: Tracey is a guy in Pokémon. Yeah, I don't understand it either.

Oooh, just wait until you're introduced to Lindsay in Angel... or Angel for that matter. Heads will explode. And oh the irony with a Jessie in the main cast.

Everyone heard Tani giggling really hard, and then the sound of a whip hitting the floor. Everyone looked at the side of the set. Tani was chasing James with a whip.

CHASE HIM OFF SCREEN, I F$$$$ DARE YOU

WAIT, SHE'LL HAVE CHASED HIM ON SCREEN. DAMN IT JAMES, GET OVER YOUR DON'T HURT GIRLS THING. KISS OF DEATH IS TOO LATE

While we're on this subject, why is the Jessiebelle rip off in the Pokémon movie rip offs? Oh wait, my question has already been answered.

"I'm practising for the scene I'm in," Tani replied as she continued to chase after James.

"Okay, carry on," Neelix said.

"What!? Neelix, I'm going to kill you!" James yelled.

Seriously, girls can be hit in self defence. Especially when she has a flaming whip. Lure her off screen and lay the garbage gif

Yeahyeah men are generally physically stronger 90% +? of the time so it's considered iffier by some, but James is stronger than everyone but Morgan. ALL'S FAIR IN OFF SCREEN WAR

Secondly RIP Neelix, I'd take him seriously or get a sex change.

"If he survives being married to her," the hologram Bark, which was just a cartoon 2D dog, said.

"Bark, you don't say those lines in this movie," Neelix muttered.

Huh?

Oh, he's Meowth. Holy Matrimony. I get it. Still questioning why any of this is in either of the Pokémon movies. Is he doing the TV show too?

"Can we please get on with this scene? It's a really important scene," Neelix moaned.

"I don't see the point of having actors, you can just program holographic ones," Lee said.

LISTEN TO THIS MAN

"Okay, now in this scene you let go of the Bogia because you're slowing it down," Neelix said.

"But isn't that thing going to be flying several kilometres above the ground?" James asked.

UM

"I'll never go that high, never mind fall from that height," Jessie said.

"The safeties are on, nothing to worry about," Neelix said.

SERIOUSLY, HOLOGRAPHIC STUNT DOUBLES

"That's what you said the last time when we did the scene where the submarine crashed into that cliff side," James said.

HOW ARE YOU STILL LIVING?

"Look I don't know how that happened. Maybe somebody switched the safeties off in that scene," Neelix said. An angel ring appeared over Tom's head. He ran off the set as quickly as possible.

MY ACTUAL REACTION:

MINUS THE HEAD TURN

Again Tom, you're not supposed to know the baby secret yet. Even still, holy s$$$. I'm just gonna chalk this up to FV being slapstick again and move on (FOR NOW)

"The holograms, duh," Jessie replied.

"Oh, right, I knew that," Neelix muttered.

"We'll go now, good luck with the stunt doubles," Jessie said.

Yes, maybe now we can get to the plot which I'm strangely looking forward to.

He and Jessie heard a scream very close by. Tani was chasing after James again.

"Why doesn't anybody help me?!" he yelled.

Good question! Jessie's there. She really has mellowed out in this season. Season One Jessie would have straight up murdered her for this.

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

"Well, at least this can't get any worse," Neelix muttered. Another scream was heard. Harry ran out the door as quickly as possible.

"Why is he so scared of me?" Naomi asked herself.

BRB this scene is giving me flashes of my Gimme More stalker video series. Ah, good times.

Meanwhile onboard a mysterious ship:
"So Evil C, how did you like my artificial nebula?" Bobby asked as he looked a console showing a purply cloud thing.

Seriously, it's funny. It kept me busy during my writers block years.

"Nebula? I thought it was a plasma storm," Evil C muttered

"Shut up man!" Bobby moaned. Another man walked into the room.

Of course it pissed off opposing shippers, but that was all part of the fun.

"Sir, Voyager and the Dellia Fleet are close by, they may still detect us," the man said.

"They're not much of a threat, Boss. If we take the old Boss' side maybe they will be," Evil C pointed out.

Maybe I should link to it. It is related to FV, inspired the Season Five running gag.omgspoilerz

"Look, Bobby, I'm not going to make you anymore cups of coffee," Evil C muttered.

"Ok, make that two missions for you. First make me the coffee and then..." Bobby said.

There was one where I used Halloween, cos duh I had to.

"Ohno, you're not going to make me scratch your back again. Do it your bloody self!" Evil C snapped.

The woman cackling with a bloke's voice still cracks me up.

"No, I do not want you to scratch my back, somebody else will do it while you're gone. Your mission is to reboard Voyager. They probably didn't even notice you were gone. I want you to find out if they're a threat to us," Bobby said.

The Dissidia videos were underrated, but like FV I had took too long in between videos and lost my base. I think.

"That's a bit of a dumb mission, but I'll do anything to get away from you for a few days," Evil C said.

"Shut up man!" Bobby yelled.

Then again, the videos won't make any sense if you don't know the games. Ah nm. Maybe later.

Now what did I miss?

Nothing? Good.

"Morgan, how are you?" Tani muttered in a huffy tone.

Well chasing a Slayer around, known for his off screen theatrics, with a whip would tire anyone out

"Oh give it up, Tani. Just get over it, you're still my best friend," Morgan said.

"Whatever you say, Morgan," Tani muttered and she walked out. Morgan sat down in her seat.

Well. In Tani's defence Morgan did tell her, off screen like her new best buddy (OK I'LL STOP. FOR NOW), that she couldn't play fight James and Tani would like nothing more than to do that. Oh wait, that's not right.

In Morgan's defence, she and Tani were kids and probably literally play fought most of the time. Hopefully, or I'm putting Watcher boy on the watch list. Morgan really couldn't do that with James or he'd get arrested. Either way.

"Yeah, I don't know why she won't get over it," Morgan replied. Lilly and Triah looked at each other and they giggled slightly.

Oh boy, it begins, can't wait

"I can see why she hasn't got over it," Triah muttered.

"Why's that?" Morgan asked.

"Well doesn't Tani fancy James?" Lilly asked.

Not sure, does Marill like Cherry Coke? Tough questions all around

"Both of you have a thing for James, so it's kind of a competition," Triah replied and she started giggling again.

Oooh I've been waiting to christen this new pic for so long, two whole days after I refound it

AND NONE OF YOU WILL GET THE CONTEXT, MWAHAHHAHA

If you do, message me. This pic sequence made me spit my drink out.

But yeah, this storyline, get used to it. It's gonna linger. Before I blab, first:

"I don't have a thing for him. Where did you get that idea?" Morgan asked. Lilly and Triah looked at each other with confused expressions on their faces.

"Tani told us that you said to her that you fancied him," Lilly said.

Wow Tani, genius. You're mad that Morgan couldn't train with the guy you have a crush on, when she was fine with you. Whatever your theory for that is; she sees him as a better friend or she crushes on him, this isn't going to help. In fact if you're right about the rumour you spread, but she's not aware, she will be now and might do something. Who do you think James would pick, if he were a pedo or a lot younger and not crushing on Jessie? You who chased him with a whip (and he clearly wasn't into it) or his friend Morgan?

The only advantage you have is James would have to be bonkers to pick the Janeway kid. He can't hide off screen forever.

"I didn't say that! And I don't fancy him!" Morgan screeched.

"Fancy who?" a familiar voice asked. The three girls looked up and they saw James standing near the table.

Ahahahaha. I was thinking very recently, I wonder if James' tendancy to sneak up on people was inspired by or a parody of his original off screen violence gimmick. I've been doing it for so many years I cannot remember, as evidenced here.

Oh well subject change.

"Why would Tani lie about that?" Triah asked.

"Er, what's going on?" James asked.

James: *triggered* brb having whip flashbacks

"God, you have a really good talent of popping up when you're being talked about," Lilly muttered.

James: I have many talents. (don't) watch this. Seriously don't, it won't work. *runs off*

Tom: Hi guys I... *floored*

James: *walks back* Oh got him in the chin this time

No, this will never not be funny to me.

"Oh, you're talking about me," James said and he sat down next to Morgan who looked rather embarrassed.

Since you heard the Tani name mentioned and definitely overheard the word fancy, I dunno why you seem so eager.

"Yeah, Morgan fancies you," Lilly said and she burst into giggles again, so did Triah.

WTF LILLY

GET BACK TO YOUR ROO..SHIP

"You know, you two would make a perfect couple, you're both slayers," Triah said in the middle if a giggle.

Meanwhile in Prequel Spoiler Land

Zare: *sobs*

"Morgan? She's only a kid," James said.

"And he's an old man," Morgan said.

"I'm not old!" James snapped.

To her you are ;)

OH GOD I'M OLDER, I WAS HER AGE THEN

"Oh, they're having a lovers quarrel already," Lilly said quietly, she and Triah burst out laughing again.

Stop, I don't wanna wear out my new pic's welcome

"They were lying, weren't they?" James asked.

"No, they were told what to believe. Tani's the one whose lying," Morgan replied. She looked at him, he was ready to laugh as well. "Do you honestly think I would fancy you?" Morgan asked angrily. A few people turned around to look at them.

1) James, you're a naive self hating fool. Act like it. You'd never ask this.

2) Poor Morgan. Lilly and Triah seemed to buy it that Tani made it up, but proceeded to tease her anyway.

3) And now James is doing it. Well that's what you get for forehead stabbing Morgan... NO DIMENSION JUMP IS NOT CANON. IT'S THE NEW FV THRESHOLD, SORRY WORLD DOMINATION. ok no that's too harsh. It's Endgame. ooooohburn!

"No, of course not. I just thought it was funny that's all," James muttered.

Now see, that line I buy.

Though I'm questioning my naive comment. James gets a lot of female attention, and it's not like he's ignorant of it. Okay fine, I'll let him off with the earlier question. It's reasonable with his history.

"Oh please! Tani could of picked somebody more realistic," Morgan said.

"Like Craig?" James asked.

"That's even less realistic," Morgan replied.

OMG, REMEMBER THIS LATER. MUCH LATER.

CRAIG HAS A POINT, DEAR LORD

"But didn't you, well, kiss him?" James asked.

"Yeah, but didn't you kiss Jess a couple of times?" Morgan asked.

OH YEAH, WELL I'M RUBBER AND YOU ARE GLUE

Seriously Morgan, bad comparison.

"A couple of times? It was only once, and besides that was an accident," James replied.

Yes James, we believe you. You were only trying to do CPR. Damn that turboliftitis can strike at any time.

"Well, if you were forced to fight Jess, would you do it?" Morgan asked.

"No, she's my best friend," James replied.

First with the "didn't you kiss Craig," "BUT BUT YOU MADE OUT WITH JESSIE IN THE TURBOLIFT AND HAD A BABY WITH HER, not at the same time, BUT STILL!"

Now "I DUNNO WHY TANI'S UPSET. WOULDN'T YOU SLAP AROUND JESSIE IN A TRAINING SESSION?" "Um no, best buds/makeout partners forever." "OH POOPIE"

"Yeah, but Tani was my best friend. I mean, the other reason why you wouldn't want to fight her is because you have a crush on her," Morgan said.

See, backpeddling

"Don't make excuses, you fancy her and that's final. If it's not because of that, what other reason would you have to not train with her?" Morgan asked.

Because... okay guys I'm stuck here. Do I make an off screen joke or a play fight Twister joke? I'm so torn.

This is so much backpeddling, Morgan's gone back to the Big Bang. How dare you laugh at me for the crush thing, here's your medicine.

"I know, you are worried that you will hurt her, because of that slayer thing," Morgan said.

YOU'RE SO SMART

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT HE JUST MIGHT NOT WANT TO

*GASP*

Also you were there when Tani chased him around. He's not into smacking women around.

"How did you know that?" James asked.

"You're forgetting, I'm telepathic," Morgan said.

You know "Gimme More" was quite a hit for me. I could pop it in here for you and it'd be funnier than anything else I can dreg up for this scene.

Their love lives conversations always drag. Gee, wonder why

"Now it doesn't make as much sense actually. I didn't fear that I would hurt her, and she couldn't defend herself as easily against me. So I have no idea why I didn't fight you. I mean, you have the slayer strength, you could probably defend yourself even if you didn't have as much experience as me," Morgan said.

You know what. I'm on Tani's side. This is super funky.

She didn't get a reply. She turned to see what James was looking at. Jessie had come in, followed by Tom with baby Duncan in his arms.

WHO!?!?!?!

Yep Dimension Jump didn't name him, so I assume this did. Well I was kinda right?????

Okay guys, meet one of my favourite regulars. Why? He's a kid, I thought Marill was anti-kids. Well funny thing is I enjoy writing them, and I like most of my kid characters and it's not like I make them perfect angels. Duncan here is a good example of me not doing that.

So yeah why? Minor spoilers late Season Two+ I guess: he's James Junior, but with Jessie's bluntness and (later) levelheadedness. Best of both worlds. Though he's always considered a James clone because you see more of his sarcastic protective side.

Levelheadedness, what are you smoking Marill? Okay maybe that is a strong word. James is very much impulsive by nature and later learns to reign it in, sometimes. Jessie learned to be impulsive due to her upbringing, but she is naturally more likely to think about things before doing, which is what we're seeing here in Season Two. But the thing I'm mainly referencing to with Duncan is he can judge a situation and use his words to diffuse. Though James can do that too, so maybe not giving him the equal credit there.

In a nutshell Duncan had a lot of thought put into him. He's a perfect blend of the James and Jessie of later, not the twin bulls$$$ that still hangs about here.

But anyway he's a newborn so I'm way ahead of myself and the next bit hurts my strained soul

"What's wrong?" Morgan asked.

"The kid, the kid is here," James muttered and he tried to hide his face. But it was too late, Tom had given up chasing after Jessie and he walked up to Morgan and James.

Now this is very likely where I start to give James some attitude for this baby drama. I got a feeling.

"Since you two are god parents of Duncan why don't you bloody babysit!" Tom moaned.

"Why would I want to babysit?" James asked.

GEE, LET ME THINK

CAREFUL HOW YOU ANSWER

"It's not a matter of wanting, jerk, just do it. I couldn't get Jessie to agree," Tom said.

"Tough, find somebody else, I don't like babies," James said.

Kiara says FU.

You're gonna pull that card? Bad try.

"Since when? You used to help Craig babysit Kiara when she was only a baby," Tom asked.

YEAH

"It's a recent thing, now go away," James replied. Tom grinned and he lay Duncan on the chair next to James.

"What's wrong? Are you scared?" Tom asked in a teasing voice.

YEAH... I mean, what?

Now come on, there are better ways to show James' turmoil over this. First, it'd have been nice to address it during the pregnancy episodes. You'd be forgiven for forgetting he was even the parent HE'S THE WHAT MARILL because of this.

But anyway

"Then why did you and Jess run? Was Jess scared, and you just ran with her so you wouldn't look stupid," Tom asked.

Well that's, that makes no sense. Wouldn't Jessie be the one who looks stupid, and now him cos he was yanked out with her via the leash.

"Anyway, I'll make you a deal. You babysit Duncan at your place, and I leave you alone for two days," Tom said. Morgan and James burst out laughing. Tom looked at them funny. "What's so funny?" he asked.

Isn't this the plot for Kiss of Death?

I'm not going crazier, am I?

"Yeah, I suppose you're right, I love annoying you. Ok, you babysit Duncan tonight at your place, I'll pay you two days worth of rations," Tom said.

Boy is Tom's face gonna be red when he finds out.

"Four days," James said.

"I think two days worth is quite a lot, why four?" Tom asked.

"Jessie and I stay in on Saturday nights. She'll want paying," James replied.

OH NO. THIS IS AWFUL

Look I know Tom's been a dickhead, especially in the last one but who wasn't? But this is totally not cool. He's trying to get you to watch your kid, which he thinks is his, and he's even offering to pay. That's not good enough for you and so ask for double pay, for you and JESSIE.

OH MY GOD

JAMES, OFF SCREEN YOURSELF, I'M SO UNHAPPY WITH YOU

"How much alcohol can we get with four days worth of rations, Jess?" James asked.

WTF

THAT'S IT, I HELD BACK BUT NOW MR JAMES PETER TAYLOR, THIS IS FOR YOU AND NOT FOR THE USUAL REASONS

I can't even continue the scene, it's just too. it hurts. They call it being lumbered with him. Morgan jokes that if they didn't drink so much they wouldn't be in this prediciment, but still invites herself to the drinkfest... which they do admit is for the babysitting, not a "reward" for after, during! Oh and Morgan likes her Bacardi, and they're cool with it.

Look, past me, this storyline you got is actually a decent one. You had the back story basically planned out, hidden in prequel sight via Jessie's tale in Interactions, that'd influence their feelings and actions. And yes hiding that for now would make the characters look bad. That's the price you pay for a good story which you'll eventually tell more of, which'll explain it. Why are you buggering it so bad?

Fine, be cruel to Tom. That's why you made him an asshole for half a season right. That will fulfill the bad requirement. But this, with Duncan, crosses the line. Sure he's too young to know and he never will, but I know this sours his relationship with primarily Jessie (omgspoilers) and s$$$, she's not even the worst one in this scene. She can't forgive herself and overcompensates and that's realistic. Now that s$$$'s good, but you don't need to go OTT like this. It's not necessary or better yet as that's clearly all you care about, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

All the work you've done with both characters have been tarnished with this single scene. WELL DONE YOU CHUMP

Tani turned the corner and she crashed into Samantha. They ended up walking down the same corridor.

"Who the hell are you?" Tani asked.

DAMN IT TANI, WHO1?!?!?! IS MY UNFUNNY GAG (1 OF 2 MILLION)

"What do you want?" Samantha asked.

"I just wanted to see, Naomi," Tani replied.

Why? Rumour spreading?

Samantha pressed a button next to the door. The door opened. They were greeted by the most horrific sight, (no, not Annika naked, yeesh!).

THANKS FOR THAT

Naomi was lying on the floor, she had been stabbed in the stomach, and her arm had been slashed. Blood was everywhere. Samantha ran

Woah nelly. You brought Samantha back so she could walk in on her daughter's murder? You couldn't just have Tani visit her like planned, open the door and get a shock? This episode's really pushing my DRAMA buttons

Kathryn walked onto the Bridge. Duncan was lying on her chair, Kiara was on Chakotay's chair, Bryan was on the floor eating squishy chocolate. Tom was talking to Claire at the science station. Morgan was with Jessie at the engineering station.

Marill was sitting on her computer chair, still reading and writing rubbish, wondering many things. Why do the such and such was paragraph openers piss her off so much? Why does Duncan keep getting described as lying on things, does Tom carry him in anything, if not then why is he leaving him literally lying around in random spots? Is this two kids being in the command chairs foreshadowing something? And when the hell is she going to bed?

"Tom, get your son off my chair," Kathryn said. Tom jumped slightly and he turned to face her.

"Sorry Captain, he must like it," Tom said. Duncan started giggling for no reason.

Um what the...? Did Tom blame the baby, as if he were a toddler crawling around, for where HE put him down? The description did say lying so, the episode hasn't skipped several months. Checking... nope, Duncan's a month old.

Oh well, karma's a bitch

Tom and Kathryn walked up to the chair. Tom picked up Duncan, and he noticed there was a wet patch on the chair.

"Tom!!" Kathryn exclaimed.

Did he also forget to put nappies on him? Surely 24th century kinds don't leak. God, of all the things for me to critique.

"Duncan, you got your daddy into trouble," Tom muttered. Duncan just giggled again.

Just A Little Bit More: 1

Just like father like just son

And yes, bad Duncan. How dare you at a month old still not know when to hold your bladder. Stupid brat.

*brb, too many eye rolls*

"You don't need help to get into trouble," Claire muttered.

Oh shut up, Katie!" Tom yelled. A brick was thrown at him and it hit him in the back of the head.

Stop, my eyes hurt!

Duncan giggled hysterically when Tom fell to the floor. There was blood on the back of his neck, Duncan seemed to fall asleep. Bryan started laughing instead.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON'T SAY DUNCAN INHERITED THE BLOOD FAINTING THING

PLEASSSSSSSSEE

I'M GONNA PRETEND THAT HE DOZED OFF BECAUSE HE THOUGHT TOM DID, COS THAT'D BE CUTE AND FU

"I wonder why Duncan fainted," Harry muttered. Morgan and Jessie glanced nervously at each other.

SERIOUSLY, FU

"Who threw those bricks anyway?" Kiara asked. Claire pointed towards the turbolift. Evil C was standing there.

"My fan," Claire replied.

I DON'T CARE, WHY THE HELL IS DUNCAN FALLING ASLEEP AT THE SIGHT OF BLOOD. HE'S A NEWBORN BABY, GOD, KILL ME NOW

"It was most definitely attempted murder, she has some horrific knife wounds. Fortunately I managed to revive her but her wounds haven't been treated yet, so I'll have to keep her in stasis until I do," the Doctor said.

Why not? HE'S THE KILLER, HE'S KEEPING HER IN STASIS TO STOP HER FROM BLABBING, QUICK SOMEONE CHECK IF SHE STILL HAS ALL HER ORGANS

"Who could do this to her? I mean this is the second time she's been murdered in one season," Kathryn asked.

YEAH DOC, SHE'S JUST A KID

"Whoever did it covered their tracks remarkably well, this time the internal sensor logs left no trace of tampering," Tuvok said.

"I doubt it would be the same spirits that murdered people in Disconnected," Tani said.

WELL YEAH, THEY WERE ATE BY THE HELL SNAKE. OR WHATEVER THAT THING WAS, WHO CARES

"Should I question all of the main cast?" Tuvok asked.

START WITH THE DOCTOR

"Yes, that's a good idea," Kathryn replied. Tuvok nodded and he walked out. "How long until I'll be able to speak with Naomi?" Kathryn asked.

"About two days," the Doctor replied.

"Why that long?" Tani asked.

"Well, er," the Doctor muttered.

He thought, "why won't this scene finish, I can't think up an excuse."

SEE, HE'S THE KILLER

"The writers need to waste most of the following week so they can get to the next Saturday," the Doctor replied.

THIS IS SEASON ONE LEVELS OF LAZY PLOT F$$$ERY, AND I'M NOT AMUSED

Later that night
Jessie/James' Quarters:
Morgan walked through the door, holding something behind her back.

"Has the monster arrived yet?" she asked.

WELL YEAH, YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM

OH SNAP

Morgan pulled out what she had behind her back, it was a Game Boy.

"I thought I'd replicate you a new one, since I kinda broke your old one," Morgan muttered as she handed it over to James.

"Kinda broke it? Morgan, you snapped it in half," James said.

WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A BOTTLE OF VODKA

"No probs, I just stole some of mum's rations to replicate it. Mum owes me last week's rations anyway," Morgan said. The door chime went off.

I'M TOO MAD TO LAUGH AT THIS

"That must be the monster," James muttered.

"Are we talking about Tom or Duncan?" Morgan asked.

MAYBE SEVENTH JAMES

Jessie walked in to the main room. She headed over to the main door and it opened. Tom just let himself in. He handed Duncan to Jessie.

Just A Little Bit More: 2

"He's just been fed so, thank god, you don't have to feed him again until I pick him up. If he does want feeding give him a bottle of milk, don't feed him the way B'Elanna does, Duncan'll probably have nightmares," Tom said.

UH?

WTF???????????

"I don't get it," Jessie muttered, she looked at Morgan who was confused as well.

WELL IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY TOM YOU REALLY DISGUSTING SEXIST PIG. W.T.FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"Oh for crying out loud, you tell her James, I'll be back at ten," Tom said and he walked out.

You're assuming James will know what you mean by that insult? And you're asking James to relay your pretty creepy insult to Jessie, and hopefully not Morgan too. DID I SERIOUSLY READ THIS. Looking again.

First, ignoring the insult for the moment, wtf naivety Marill. They're babysitting this one month old for a few hours and he thinks that feeding him before then will keep him going until what, 10pm? lolwhat?

Second. Holy projection Paris. That's what this is, right. This whole paragraph screamed multiple things at me, and all of them agree that he's a 10 year old boy who shouldn't have a woman near him, let alone a wife and two babies. He either thinks breastfeeding is icky and...

I dunno why I'm wasting time trying to figure this out. Tom said basically; "he's already been fed so thankfully you don't have to get your gross boobs out for him. If he does need feeding, force a bottle of milk on him, cos eew, the thought of a 1 month old seeing your ugly assed boobies will make me jealou...er give him nightmares."

OMG. TELL THE TRUTH, STOP WHINING AND GET YOUR SON AWAY FROM THIS CREEP. DO YOU REALLY WANT DUNCAN GROWING UP AND TREATING WOMEN LIKE THIS? NO, FU

"I don't know, I only remember getting fed by bottle," Morgan replied. They both looked at James.

You remember THAT? Was it a Coca Cola bottle?

"Oh for god's sake," James muttered. He whispered something in Jessie's ear, and then in Morgan's ear.

"Ew, that's disgusting," Morgan moaned.

Meh, at Morgan's age I very likely had the same thought process. Why whisper? Oh because I didn't want to write it. Yep definitely did.

"Now I get what that moron meant, excuse me," Jessie said. She handed Duncan to James and she stormed out.

YEAH JESSIE, YOU GO MY GIRL

Jessie's Sin Points: -1

"Come in," James said. Tani walked in, she was busy trying not to laugh.

"Is there something you're not telling me Morgan," Tani said as she pointed at Duncan.

???????????

"She's been murdered," Tani replied.

"Again, that's twice in one season," Morgan said.

"Well at least she hasn't beaten my score yet," James muttered. Morgan used her fingers to count.

Lawl James. You're still in my bad books tho, you're going have to do more than that

And what? Why is Tani telling Morgan about Naomi?

"She may beat your score still cos she's alive again," Tani said. Jessie walked back in.

"Oh Tani, I think you're in the wrong place, the Nut House is just next door," Jessie said.

Oooph, so close to an OHSNAP but the next door bit ruins it.

Meanwhile Tom's lying somewhere, bleeding right? Jessie'll have learned from the best.

Also meanwhile Tuvok contacts Lilly

"Report to my office, immediately," Tuvok said.

In: "Sorry Tuvok, I outrank you, you don't order me about."

Oh go frick yourself Lilly

"According to a few crewmembers, you've had a grudge on Naomi Wildman for quite a while. I'd like to know more about it," Tuvok replied.

What hahahaha, since when?

"Yes, I'm interviewing each main character, and guest star. Frankly I'm at a loss, I am no closer to solving this mystery. Anyway, what kind of grudge did you have on her?" Tuvok asked.

Clearly you haven't interviewed James yet, pffffffffffftsnigger

"It's nothing really, it just does my head in when she acts all grown up even though she's only five or something," Lilly replied.

WHAT? OH MY GOD, THE IRONY

Some context here, and I really doubt that's what I was implying cos it's too clever: Kidz Trek Lilly's species weren't humanoid and so aged faster than Humans, not as much as Ocampa but still. They also spent centuries on a colonised Venus, which has shorter years. Lilly complaining that someone who is five years old acting like a grown up (and since when), gawd lol. FV made the Ligers human(oid), but kept the Venus thing so this is still an hypocritical insult to Naomi.

"There's nothing to explain, she's just a show off. Anyway I wouldn't do anything like that to her because of this," Lilly said.

I JUST HIT HIM, HE KNEW ABOUT ME BEING DUNCAN'S DAD. OH S$$$ CAN YOU DELETE THAT PART. DIDN'T KILL HIM

Jessie and James were asleep on the sofa, Morgan was sitting on one of the chairs with Duncan resting on her left arm. The Game Boy was in her right hand.

"Okay, what move should we use?" Morgan asked quietly. Duncan pointed at the screen.

Morgan....... *melts*

If anyone should be bonding with him first, or second, it's not you. I'm okay with third, cos spoilers. I know they've dozed off, we dunno what happened before they did, but :/ This isn't helping me forgive them for earlier.

"Keep it down," Morgan whispered.

"Why, is Duncan asleep?" Tom asked quietly.

"Er no, they are," Morgan replied and she pointed at the sofa.

Heh

"He hasn't been any trouble, has he?" Tom asked.

"To be honest he's been really good," Morgan replied.

"I find that hard to believe," Tom muttered.

"Why's that?" Morgan asked.

"He's never quiet, and sometimes I think he doesn't even sleep," Tom replied.

Yeah so cram that MONSTER crap into your pipe and cough it

"I think he cried once, for a minute," Morgan said.

Gee, I wonder why. Probably because he can eat without having his so called dad staring at him as if he's eating mushy peas.

"I think he should see the Doc, he's probably ill," Tom said and he headed out.

"I wouldn't do that, he'll probably cry more than usual," Morgan said as he disappeared out the door. She turned off the Game Boy, put it on the table and then she walked out.

Unneccessary detail is unneccessary.

Two days later
Sickbay:
Tuvok and Kathryn walked through the door and they headed straight over to Naomi's biobed. Naomi was awake and the Doctor was scanning her with his tricorder.

Doctor: Woah nelly, you're awake a few days early *conks her on the head and continues the lung removal*

"I don't know. The lights went out, I only saw a shadow," Naomi replied.

Oh that's why, it doesn't matter. okay

"I think it was a she, and she was rather tall," Naomi replied.

Taller than Naomi's actress, well that narrows it down

"Thank you, Naomi. I think we've narrowed the list of suspects from 150 to 70," Tuvok said.

Daw, you can almost see the disappointment in his words that he can't blame James for this

Though, you could argue the female shadow is part of his off screen trick.

Morgan walked into the main room, and she sat down on the sofa. Suddenly she just collapsed.

OHNO, STOP, WHY IS EVERYTHING IN THIS EPISODE HAPPENING EARLY

"Hello again, Morgan," Kes said softly.

"Isn't there a different method of communication, this place freaks me out," Morgan said.

"No, sorry," Kes replied.

LIAR

"Well I noticed that your crew is faced with a confusing murder mystery," Kes said.

"Don't tell me, I save the crew from peril. We've had this storyline way too many times. I don't want to be Fifth Voyager's Seven," Morgan said.

WELP, THE SUE HAS BECOME SELF AWARE. WE'RE DONE FOR

"Well, you're sort of there, you see the killer is not somebody you expected," Kes said.

DAMN IT KIARA, I TOLD YOU TO ONLY MOW DOWN THE SIXES CREW

"Well when I was a crewmember on Voyager, I was threatened to leave the ship by a crewmember," Kes said.

Hoy boy, this. I had fun with this storyline in the reboot (and Season Five) letme tell you.

"That's what I told her, the person who threatened me told me that if I told anyone about the threat she would kill me," Kes said

You know this was made up on the spot to justify Kes' sudden disappearance in Aggressions, right? Just making sure we're on the same page.

Still found it funny enough to keep canon though. However a few details about it don't work, like above^ and

"What about your powers? You could of defended yourself with them," Morgan said.

"I was threatened before they even developed. She was still capable of hurting me when I decided to leave," Kes said.

That's impossible, and I knew this so why?

"Who was it, and is it the same person who attacked Naomi?" Morgan asked.

"I'm afraid so, she must be stopped," Kes said.

"Well, who is it?" Morgan asked.

No Morgan. She told you about this to make small talk. I know FV can be boring and random at the same time, but good lord.

Yes Kes, whooooooooooooooo?

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