Marill Re-Reads The Resurrection

Marill Re-Reads "The Resurrection"

For the first time I'm glad there are no "last time's", there's no recapping last part's s$$$ even jokingly

James and Jessie woke up to the sound of Craig's frantic voice.

He kept tapping his commbadge. "Morgan, answer me!" he yelled. Jessie and James sat up.

Once again, a part ends on the Voyager lot telling us what's going to happen to the awayteam or simply Morgan via Emma, then the next part shows us as if it's news to us

"Have you tried that underground tunnel?" he asked.

"No, it's too dark to see in there, I was waiting for you guys to wake up. I thought it would be better if we didn't split up," Craig replied.

The only good idea so far

Btw it's the next day and still no sign of the Maji. If it weren't for the part being titled "The Curse Is Unleashed" you'd be welcome to think they kidnapped Morgan. Which makes me think why was she allowed to hang in the shuttle on her own... oh yeah booze, right.

"Jessie, how's your foot?" James asked.

"I don't know, it only hurt when I stood on it," Jessie replied. She slowly pulled herself to her feet. The pain was still there, but it was bearable. She nodded at the two guys.

I'm sure that'll be remembered as much as the skeletal lock

"We'd better get some flashlights from the Flyer," James said.

"Forget the flashlights, I'm bringing rifles," Craig said and he headed towards the shuttle.

Craig: MACHO MACHO MAN, I WANNA BE, A MACHO MAN WITH A BIG ASS PHALLIC WEAPON. MACHO MACHO MAN, I WANNA SHOW UP MY SO CALLED LOVE RIVAL. MACHO...

James: *snicker*

I may have had too much coffee in prep for this part

There was not a stroke of light in the underground passage. Two light beams shone on the wall in front of the steps leading down to the passage. The light got closer and closer.

so there was a stroke of light you piece of s$$$ liar

Craig, James and Jessie made their way down the steps. James and Craig both had phaser rifles,

Craig and James: MACHO MACHO MAN, F$$$ YEAH RIFLES

Jessie: sigh

yep that's a caffeine high, oh how I missed you

"This place seems more creepy than it was yesterday," James muttered.

"Wuss," Craig said quietly.

gosh what a buzz kill. FINE, RIGHT THE FIRST TIME

Craig: I WANNA BE A SUPER MAN, SUPER SUPER MAN the guy beside me is a jerk SUPER MACHO MAN

James: I haven't raised my kill count in a while

Craig: 0_0

Jessie: still sigh

Iinan and/or Unu: f$$$ this, I'm going back to sleep

They entered the room where the well was. The room had a creepy feel to it, all they could hear was the sound of water dripping against stone.

"It is more creepy, I wonder why," James said.

Well the narration did say it was, gotta obey right

I'm starting to think James' constant wiggings about this underground area is foreshadowing for Cause & Effect. Claustrophobia would be a bitch in a place like this

They all heard what sounded like hail stones hitting the dry ground just above them. The three stopped in their tracks. The sound died away like if it was moving away from them.

I'd commend the hail stones hitting dry ground desription if I didn't vaguely recall me asking someone how they'd describe the sound effect that plays in the Mummy.

"Sounded like bugs," Craig replied. Jessie and James both shuddered at the thought of it.

DAMN IT, I GOT RID OF MY TWIN COUNTER PREMATURELY

Craig rolled his eyes and headed towards the next door. James and Jessie followed him.

Craig: MACHO MACHO MAN, I'M NOT AFRAID OF NO BUGS BUT THESE TWO ARE, SO I'M A MACHO...

James & Jessie: *still in twin mode, joint clobbers him*

RIP Craig

James Kill Count: 1

Jessie's Sin Points: -1

ahem

"Is there a reason why we're coming in this room?" Craig asked. James looked inside the coffin.

"Er, guys!" he said loudly in a frantic voice. Jessie and Craig rushed to his side.

"What?" Jessie said questioningly.

"There was a corpse here yesterday," James muttered. Craig and Jessie looked inside the coffin, it was visibly empty.

as opposed to being invisibly empty?

Resurrection's again trying too hard at the wrong times

also find "said loudly in a frantic voice" pretty funny. Stop trying to bloat the word count. Here I'll help you "yelled frantically" YOU'RE WELCOME

"You two, stop being wimps. Probably the Maji stole the body to make us think the wrong thing, just to frighten us away," Craig said in an angry voice.

I... guess... but this episode is already dull and annoying enough. I want mummies

"That could be what happened, but I've had a bad feeling about this place ever since my first trip down here," James muttered.

Ah, you know what, there was a bit I missed in my rant in part 2. Which I forgot about above when I said James might be freaked about this place cos of claustrophobia. - You know what, that's not a big spoiler *shrug*

Most of the time Morgan and James are in the tunnels, Morgan's got Emma in her head who loves creepy places and would consider finding a mummy pretty neat. James meanwhile is 100% himself.

So what Marill?

Well, as soon as they go there James is ultra wigged. I really doubt I decided to have him claustrophobic this soon, and even if I did he wouldn't have been made to say this^, plus a lot of his other remarks in part 2 back up what I'm going to suggest. Either one or both of these things are happening here:

1) Being the Slayers, James and Morgan are supposed to have supernatural instincts. Coupled with the fact that James is usually sensible with this stuff, he would be wary about malevoant spirits hanging around. As mentioned before, Morgan was distracted by Emma thoughts and might not have noticed, or if she did dug it cos she likes creepy crap. My only argument against this would be that at this point in the series nothing's shown that the Slayers are anything more than Game Cube players, but explain their super strength. Hunt/Death Match useful only?

2) Resurrection spoilers - James feels Iinan and/or Unu because of his connection to Iinan. I'm less inclined to believe this one because Curse of Voyager/Oasis of Abatua spoilers, Morgan had already been picked to be Makia's reincarnation; Iinan's other lover. She should feel him too. However you can argue that James and Jessie would feel this and not her because they need to be drawn to the bodies so they can be revived. However Jessie doesn't seem to be bothered by anything here. I'm either wrong or she won't feel anything until they wander near Unu.

The tunnel split into two. They stopped at the cross roads.

"What should we do now?" James asked.

"Split up," Craig replied.

Um. I'm glad I didn't go out of my way to commend you for the no splitting up bit in the beginning, cos hngggggggggggggggggggggg

"In case you haven't noticed, a team of three can't split into two without one team only being one person," James said.

"Nothing can be more scary than Morgan disappearing, I'll be fine," Craig said.

Okay I also commend Craig when he's brave despite s$$$y odds, but not this time. This is just him and his MACHO MACHO MAN routine, likely spurred on cos he thinks James stole his woman and/or he's hoping Jessie will be impressed so he can get back at him.

"I take it you want to be on your own," Jessie muttered.

which will never, ever work

"Right," Craig said and he headed down the corridor. James and Jessie headed down the other corridor.

yes this still happens. good god, the stupid, it hurts

couldn't have had them split up because something's chasing them like the bugs. I know you wanted to be different to The Mummy but dfrweaingrengfnrwgo

needmorecoffee, want my buzz back

"Jessie, can you remember what happened last night?" James asked quietly.

"I don't remember much, nothing interesting happened, why do you ask?" Jessie replied.

Well s$$$, I forgot that she forgot. I also don't recall if he ever tells her. I'd like to hope that he tells her off screen, he's the off screen king after all.

"Oh, we couldn't have been that bad," Jessie muttered. The pain in her foot increased again and she leaned on the wall for support. Suddenly it opened like a door and she fell through it. Then it closed again.

SEE, THAT'S HOW YOU SPLIT THEM UP. GOD

Still very similar to the film though, so can't win

actually, the next bit isn't bad. I was kinda right, part 3 is better. lets take a look at this description fest

Jessie landed on the hard sandy ground. Her foot now wouldn't stop aching.

She saw a ray of light shining from a flashlight only a few metres away. She pulled herself over to it. The light was getting dimmer by the second. Jessie picked it up and she looked around the room. Nothing was there.

She dropped it back on the ground and it span a little as it hit the ground. It stopped and Jessie noticed it was shining on somebody's unconscious form. She pulled herself closer to it. It was Morgan. Her head was bleeding heavily, and face was deeply scratched. Jessie fought back the dizziness that came over her.

The light finally went out completely and Jessie found herself in total darkness. She couldn't even see herself, let alone anything else. That was when she heard the sound of foot steps. The sound was only a few metres away from her.

The noise became closer and closer to her. Another noise joined the foot steps, it was like somebody was breathing normally but with a damaged throat. As both sounds got closer, Jessie's fear increased. She pulled herself back the way she came until she hit what felt like a stone wall. The sound increased until it was so close that Jessie could sense whatever it was, was standing just a centimetres away from her.

There's many things wrong with it, but it's still probably the best attempt at describing a scene I've seen in the series so far. Thumbs up for some, even if only a little, atmosphere. like it

I should keep a count of the "Jessie fought back the dizziniess that came over her". I seem to have trouble wording this differently and it happens too much. At least it's better than Jessie and James saw blood and fainted, so picking my battles, this isn't one of them

Literally thousands of black bugs that were the size of mice had covered two of the Maji officers. As soon as a few of the bugs cleared Craig could see what was left of the Maji officers; charred flesh and ripped clothing. The bugs started running after the other Maji officers. Craig decided to run back the way he came. What he didn't know was that the three Maji officers were only metres behind him.

ooph, the last one was a one off. Jessie 1, Craig 0

Lets see how James is getting on

James was standing next to where Jessie disappeared. He kept trying to push it open like Jessie did, with no luck. He heard a familiar scream echoing through the corridors. He turned around to see where it was coming from. He saw Craig running towards him, but instead of stopping he just ran straight passed.

okay lol

Yeah Jessie fell through a trap door after leaning on it, but still calling bull on James not able to trigger it by doing the same thing

"And he called me a wuss," James muttered. Then he noticed the three Maji officers running towards him, being chased by the bugs. One was attacked by them and eaten alive. James started running after Craig. "Craig, wait up!" he yelled.

*snicker*

already 10x better than the crud of part 1 and 2

"No way!" Craig yelled.

James noticed Craig running straight passed a door. James opened it and ran in through there, he entered a dark empty room.

Well fine, don't wait, I'll stop running away in a straight line and hide somewhere. Your move chump

He saw Jessie on the ground. He ran over to her and helped her to her feet, but she couldn't keep her eyes off something in front of her.

"We have to get out of here, there's these horrible big bugs," James said in a frantic voice

Good god, I already have an one episode only counter. I don't need a second one for the "someone said in a frantic/angry/scared/lulsy voice" trend this pretends to be a movie has.

but anyway, as if on cue

He then noticed she was staring at something in front of her. He turned to see what it was. "Oh shit!" he stuttered

"Edgy" Swearing Uncensored: 1

To be fair, once you know what he's reacting to, it's not that edgy

Standing in front of them both was the corpse that he and Morgan saw yesterday, but it was most definitely alive.

I can't remember, was the corpse even described? For all we know, it's just some regular looking bloke acting a bit cranky cos he can't find the kettle

*checks*

It's decomposing, that narrows it down thanks. Remember, this is a rip off The Mummy. So think of any of them and bingo... except maybe 2017 one, though she probably had more clothes on than Imhotep, you're right. Fine include her

They saw Craig running through a door behind the corpse. He screeched to a halt when he saw it.

"What the hell!" he yelled. The corpse turned to look his way and it looked back at Jessie and James.

Aaw, Craig still can't swear in the rated 12 (or 15 with deleted scenes and widescreen) movie. Bless

Craig saw Morgan on the ground in front of him. He saw that she was hurt and he grew angry.

Ohnoes, watch out we've got a real contender for James' badass counter over here

The corpse started to talk, in a damaged voice. "Finally, after three thousand years, I have found what I've been waiting for."

Craig aimed his rifle at the corpse. Jessie and James saw and they started shaking their heads.

"Ah shut the hell up!" Craig yelled and he fired at the corpse.

You probably laughed when I said James was usually the sensible one. Not laughing now are we?

Craig's lucky this works. The guy's dead, why would a phaser blast work?

He also badly needs to work on his one liners. Too bad he's fallen out with the one liner king, so they'll forever suck

Craig picked Morgan up and ran back the way he came. Jessie and James looked at the corpse, it was still moving. They ran out too.

See, dead guy still al...uh walking dead

The Maji Captain pushed through his soldiers and he walked up to them. "I told you to leave, you didn't listen. Now you've killed us all," he said.

You also said you'd do something at midnight. I assume this guy was using Hunters time system so he came around to kick them out at dinner time.

"You mean there's another one like that?" Craig asked.

"Yes, she'll be in the neighbouring city still, where she was buried," the Maji Captain replied.

Okay, this is where I do compliment Resurrection and by extension its sequels as well. While Imhotep was the only villain in The Mummy, Resurrection brings the lover into the mix having her cursed similarly as well as split into two characters, so we have an added tragic backstory and a twisted love triangle which I thought was resolved quite darkly imo

Season Four premiere spoilers, Iinan didn't care about either women, he merely used them for power and only loved himself, a stark contast to James). It adds a bit of interesting spice to the saga which I like and will build on in Oasis' reboot.

While yeah, splitting them into two was partly inspired by The Mummy Returns, it still did something different with it.

but yeah, getting ahead of myself

"What do they actually want?" James asked.

"The planet," the Maji Captain replied.

"That's always the case, isn't it," Craig muttered.

"The only reason Iinan put the king's daughter under his spell was so he would rule the planet," another Maji person said.

The Season Four spoiler is pretty much foreshadowed from the very beginning. Nice.

So what do we know so far? 3000 years ago some warlock lusting for power decided to have an affair with the king's fiancée. He murdered the king, and when the fiancée commited suicide, he bewitched the I imagine grief stricken daughter (who if I recall since Oasis is a direct copy of Mummy Returns, witnessed the murder of her father so knew who did it) and dated her. The public decide the magic part was too far and executed them both. Only Iinan casted a spell that would revive them again if their reincarnations happened to pass by. Iinan is awake and he's already kidnapped Morgan and leered at Jessie.

I think we're on the same page.

"We know for certain the younger girl isn't Unu's, she was obviously rejected," the Maji Captain replied as he looked Morgan's way.

"The older girl must be Unu's incarnation," the other Maji person said.

"Me, why are you so certain?" Jessie asked.

Lol, reminded of Jessie later flipping out at another character for calling her "the older girl"

"The two would only arise if both incarnations are in the area. And the ancient scripts said that Unu's incarnation would be a woman," the Maji Captain replied.

Did it also mention that you would shoot the reincarnations down into the area, leave for a bit, return to say "please leave.. oh fine we'll be back" and only come back when it's too late?

"What would happen if only one incarnation arrived at the city?" James asked.

It'd be like dividing by zero, the end of the universe

but seriously, a good question which I'm only glad is asked because it means I thought about it

"It would never happen. The ancient scripts prophesied that both incarnations would visit the area in this century, and they would be ones that would stand out, and be noticed. Aliens do stand out from the crowd on our planet, that's why we've stopped the passage of ships inside our space for the last seven decades," the Maji Captain replied

Oh. An actual explanation for the xenophobia

Wow

Give me an explanation for Voyager blatantly disregarding alien's wishes over trading for probably coffee, your odds of scoring closer to Resistance will be higher than you were only a part ago

"So is Iinan's incarnation me or James?" Craig asked.

This is Fifth Voyager, and despite the creepy ohnoes my fiance is dead so I'll date her (step)daughter now, it usually plays things pretty safe/obvious. So if Jessie is Unu then... although with this Morgan/James pandering, you never know *snicker*

"That is why you must all leave this planet immediately. The creatures will not be able to regenerate if their incarnations are not here," the Maji Captain said.

"We can't. Our shuttle is badly damaged, it'll take days to fix," Craig pointed out.

"We can assist with your repairs, right Arden?" the other Maji person said as he looked at the Captain.

We can? Why didn't you tell me that before Jack!?

An alarm went off. All of the Maji officers rushed to the nearest stations. "What is the problem?" Arden asked.

"Captain, the prophecy is becoming reality. A worldwide storm has just developed out of nowhere," one Maji guy replied.

Iinan works a lot quicker than Imhotep, impressed much? I hope so, cos imo Iinan's much more of a monster than Imhotep was. While I like the Mummy a LOT, I find Iinan more believable as a guy who'd revel in the power he got from his curse (self inflicted, unlike Imhotep) and be okay with causing armageddon. Imhotep only wanted to be with his true love, power didn't seem to be a motivator (yeah I'm looking at you Mummy Returns with that heel turn), Resurrection flat out states Iinan's goal was ruling the planet.

"Evacuation is impossible now. The storm will vaporise any ships that goes near it, also transporters and communication are not working," the first Maji guy said.

Remember this. I need to remember this.

"How can you destroy the curse?" James asked.

"That is not your concern, if you all leave this area there will be a greater chance of survival," Arden replied.

This is just a bulls$$$ way of saying "duh I dunno, why are you guys not allowed here again? Oh okay, we'll leave for a day, bye!"

While at the same time I understand why James asks this, this is totally him, he'd feel bad about unintentionally causing this and even if he didn't, still would ask but think about it... do these guys act like they know how to uncurse the planet? And second, how would they know?

"This was all prophesied three thousand years ago, there was nothing we could of done to prevent this. Our own interference caused this to happen. If we hadn't of attacked your shuttle you would have landed somewhere else," Arden said.

Hahahaha, I like the way he wants to admit he f$$$$ up, he had to say "this was a prophecy" first. It's not our fault, the script said so

Wait, when did he get named? I really should pay more attention

"We need the Book of the Living, but it's being missing ever since the Borg attacked our homeworld two decades ago," Arden replied.

Lol, why would the Borg assimilate the Book of the Liv...

GASP, THEY WERE THE TOLG ALL ALONG, I KNEW IT

"If the right passage is read, then the curse will be lifted. Unfortunately the book is in ancient Majien. Only a fraction of the population still know the basics of it, and we can't contact anybody when communications are down," Arden replied.

"Did the Borg assimilate any of your people?" Jessie asked.

"Yes, they assimilated an entire continent, why do you ask?" Arden replied questioningly.

I have no more snark left, my snark hurts

I don't even know where to start. I wrote myself into a corner with the book being in an ancient language, decided to keep it and say "oh the Borg were here", so the awayteam with 3/4 being ex Borgs including Sue Morgan can read it. If any of them know how to read it because of an assimilated couple of aliens, they'd probably know about those said aliens.

And still all I can think of is the casual "oh yeah a whole continent was wiped out by the Borg, why do you ask" as if that was no big deal. I suppose they tried to shoot the Borg ship(s) into the desert as well "ohnoes aliens that stand out, get em!" I'm just like... ugh so tired

Whereas I could've easily not mentioned the language issue at all or had it in regular Maji language, and since Ardun sticks around, have him read it. But no, Morgan has to read it and GASP not because she's the Sue, but because I had sequels in the pipeline. You'll see

"Morgan was with Borg for thirteen years, she may know more of the language than you two do," Craig said.

"But she's in a coma, it looks like that Iinan guy literally threw her into the wall," James said.

That's oddly specific o_0

I'm onto you

"I suggest we repair our shuttle and take it to Naptwo, then find the book," Craig said.

"But you can't stay in this area, they'll find you," Arden said.

"Face it, anywhere on this planet is dangerous for us, and we can't exactly leave," Craig said.

"He's right," James said.

Is he? You dunno what kind of powers Iinan has. For all you know, he has to walk everywhere. 3000 years ago they might not have had cars so he won't know how to use one, it might take him a while if you fly off somewhere

"We'll take our ship, it'll be quicker than taking your shuttlecraft," Arden said,

YOU'RE NOT WRONG

have we forgotten the Flyer cannot move yet? YES

"Don't tell me that icky thing was real, it's bad enough seeing a still dead body, never mind a walking talking one," Morgan said.

"The icky thing you speak of is Iinan, he has come back from the dead," Arden said.

"He's still icky," Morgan muttered.

I wanna say aaw bless, but I'm still peeved about the blaming game in part 2

"Morgan, do you know any ancient Majien?" Craig asked.

"A little, why?" Morgan asked.

"Because we need you to read from the Book of the Living to get rid of the curse," Craig replied.

"What curse? What's going on?" Morgan asked. Everyone groaned. Arden prepared to tell the story once again.

Morgan: Aaaw yeah, a recap within the same scene *drools*

*****

Morgan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Marill: FINALLY

"That story sounds familiar, I wonder where I heard it?" Morgan muttered.

"Does it really matter," Jessie moaned.

I'm on Jessie's side here, lets forget that prologue ever happened

"By the way, how did you end up in those tunnels?" Craig asked.

"I don't know, I just woke up in them. I remember having someone else's dream, which was about Harry. Then I woke up in the middle of a dark room. That's when I saw that weird thing. Eew, it was creepy," Morgan replied.

Just A Little Bit More: 1

"Hmm, you must sleepwalk," James said.

"No I don't!" Morgan grunted.

Be grateful she doesn't sleepgrope

Morgan didn't hear him, she was too busy thinking. She pulled a disgusted face.

"Eew! Emma fancies James!" she yelled. Everyone looked at her funny.

OF COURSE SHE DOES, EVERYONE LOVES JAMES

"What?" Jessie and James grumbled.

She grumbles in jealousy, and he grumbles in a losing the will to live

"Oops, wrong James. No, that's even worse, she likes her brother who's called James," Morgan said. Everyone felt rather sick. "Nope, sorry Lilly's brother. Eew, he's a freak," Morgan groaned.

I DON'T CARE, THE PLOT WAS FINALLY GETTING INTERESTING, STOP IT, I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRE

AND WTF, I JUST REREAD IT, MORGAN'S SECOND THOUGHT WAS INCEST? PROJECTION MUCH

"How do you know it's Emma?" Jessie asked.

Suddenly everyone heard screaming coming from outside. Nearly everybody ran over to the window. They saw two Maji officers running out of the tunnel entrance. Right behind them was two corpses. Morgan cringed and she turned away from the window.

Finally, a distraction. Thank you two brave Maji red shirts, your sacrifice will never be forgotten

All of a sudden the two Maji officers melted and the two corpses body's regenerated. Everyone heard what sounded like two people collapsing. They turned to see what happened. Jessie and James had fainted, Morgan was still cringing in the corner.

"Looks like I'm the only strong one here," Craig said and he turned back to look out the window. He screamed like a girl when he saw what the two corpses looked like now.

....

I get it, I get why they both passed out, I remember. At least I hope, as Craig reacts later since he wasn't looking and there shouldn't be any blood if it's like The Mummy. I'm still annoyed though since it's another twin thing, and this is the LAST episode this should be happening. If you're reading this with me, you'll understand why soon enough.

"So the stories were true," Arden muttered.

"How, come they look exactly like Jessie and James?" Craig asked in a trembling voice.

Yeah

Yeah this is how it's revealed. Through speech. FIFTH VOYAGER

Ancient scripts say that the reincarnations would look exactly like them, but I never believed it," Arden replied.

I know, I know, it's cliche as hell and Mummy Returns did it, etc... However it works with the afterlife mythos of the series and helps a later episode work so, I can't fault it

It's still better than this exchange - paraphrased as it's been a while

"I am Anuk Su Namum reincarnated."

"Only in body, but soon I will restore your soul from the underworld and we can be together for eternity."

Gee, I wonder where I got the half arsed "reincarnated but half was left behind" crap from. That's not what the curse was meant to mean. I might try and explain it later on.

"I thought you said they would use their reincarnations to regenerate," Craig said.

"If they use other people they will regenerate, but only temporarily," Arden replied.

Yeah, as if on cue from what I just said but... I WONDER WHY THAT IS

"They will not get away from us," Iinan said, he raised his arms into the air and a huge cloud of sand emerged from the ground. The cloud rose higher and it followed the Maji ship

lol, I remember it wasn't long ago when I said The Resurrection tried to be different from its source material. About an hour ago, roughly. It's like I'm tempting fate

"That means we're ok, a sand storm can't do us any harm, right?" Morgan said. Everyone looked at her with worried expressions on their faces.

"Morgan, we're near a mountain, and we have no shields," Craig muttered.

um, lol?

"We're heading straight for the mountain, fast!" a Maji guy yelled.

"I can't die without..." Craig muttered. He walked over to Jessie.

OH, this.

Sigh, you know Resurrection I take my previous snark back. You don't have to be that different, it's fine, we're cool...

"Er, I can't think of anything for you," Craig muttered.

I'm sure Jessie's very relieved to hear that. Seriously, that's just rude

He turned to James. "You're a jerk, and I hate you," Craig said quietly.

Oh Craig. I have too many words for you and fortunately this reread doesn't have the edgy uncensoredness the movie does, and I can't be bothered to hold shift for too long.

I will say this though; whispering your insults to James makes you look like a spineless blowhard. It's like you think you're a badass cos you're still saying it to his face and he can hear it, but if it turns sour you'll claim he misheard or you didn't say anything at all, so anyone nearby who didn't hear it will think he started it (likely scenario actually).

I dunno, I personally find doing this so pointless and passive aggressive. He can hear you so either say it normally or don't. And since this is because the girl you fancy kissed him and he clearly didn't want her to, I'm on the side of don't say it.

At least James has the high road here, he does nothing and so Craig alone looks like a petty prat, I'm okay with it.

"Oh, thanks," James muttered. Craig went over to Morgan.

"Morgan, I love you," Craig said. Morgan groaned.

Oh my god. You have no idea how happy it makes me that after Craig's snub of Jessie and his weasly and quite pathetic insult to James, his love confession to Morgan is met with a groan. Honestly, deserved

"Oh thanks Craig, thanks for making my last few seconds awkward," Morgan groaned.

Two groans! epic!

Meanwhile Dumbass Arden knows what to do

He keyed in some commands, and a strange beam was fired at the city they left. Iinan and Unu were nearly hit by the blast. The sand cloud Iinan created fell back onto the ground.

Gotta hand it to him, shooting phasers at the cursed zombies who can create sand tsunamis is pretty badass.

"Captain, we're still picking up speed, we can't land at this speed," the helm guy said.

"We have no choice!" Arden yelled. The helm guy nodded at him nervously and he continued working.

But since it's Arden and the Maji, they make their presence known and accomplish nothing

Also repeat their words like any Fifth Voyager hero, so they're fitting in guys

The ship crashed onto the ground, it skidded forward really fast until it hit the city walls. The ship finally grinded to a halt after smashing through the city walls and upturning the roads.

Arden, Craig, Jessie, James and Morgan were standing in a small room. Arden was sorting out what kind of weaponry they had. He gave them all a rifle each.

"I and two crewmembers will search the underground tunnels. You four should split into groups of two, if the two reincarnates

PAUSE

Okay, I'm going to do a quick recap because this dirty floor's starting to look suspiciously like a plot shaped hole.

Morgan sleepwalks into the tunnels. Iinan stumbles across her and while she mumbles "wtf James, how dare you get in the way of my lips, you know I have no free will, perv," Iinan prods her shoulder and she topples to the floor. He makes a mental note to collect her later.

Jessie stumbles more or less into his lap. "My lucky day," he thinks. Only he has a bit of a kink in his knee due to really heavy coffin sores, so it takes him a while to hobble over. James charges in next and since Iinan's favourite past time is staring at himself in a mirror, he gets a bit transfixed by the new arrival (but hey, everyone has that problem. James is just that awesomely beautiful apparently lawl). Craig runs in and ruins it, shooting him in his bad knee and so Iinan adds him to his kill for fun list. James is relieved to escape a scene unmolested and so decides to give Craig a pass for his next asshole scene

Maji kidnap the quartet and expositions so much Morgan is stirred awake. The ship is still within viewing range to witness Iinan stroll out of the tunnels with his undead beau #2 Unu, kill some Maji and turn into another James and Jessie (yeah, FV's forgotten the Seventh lot but I HAVEN'T).

And this is where I now the conclusion...

Where the hell did Unu come from? Why has Iinan twice been felled by phaser fire? And why are we looking for a cure if you could leave a phaser pointed at him until he gives up and goes back to bed? But seriously, wtf is up with Unu appearing with next to no fanfare?

Arden explained they'd be buried seperately. So you know what I suspect folks? These tunnels connect all of the desert cities together, so yeah, this isn't a good idea folks.

still peeved at the poor reveal of Unu. Couldn't think of a way to bring them to city #2, hmm?

Craig groaned.

"That means I have to put up with him," he moaned.

"Oh, grow up Craig," James muttered.

"You can talk," Craig said.

"Yes I can talk, I've been able to talk for twenty seven years," James said.

"That's not what I meant," Craig growled.

"I knew what you meant," James said.

HANG ON BINMEN, I'VE STILL GOT SOME MORE TO THROW IN

THANKS

"Ok, anything for you Morgan," Craig said.

"Ugh, I'm going to be sick," Jessie muttered.

"Don't you start, Jess," Craig said.

Jessie's reaction is exactly like mine, eerie

Also like me though Jessie doesn't bitch slap the little bitch for having an attitude problem even a five year old would be embarrassed by. go tantrum off Craigy and take your piss poor attempts to be a tough guy with you

"Can we just go already. Iinan and Unu will have captured these two, regenerated and took over the planet by the time you've finished arguing," Morgan muttered.

"I'd probably get more sense out of a dead guy anyway," Craig said.

0_0

OH DAMN, I was going to do the joke but thought "nah this isn't catty enough", but now guys... IT'S ON

IT'S TIME FOR THE FIGHT OF THE YEAR FOLKS! IT'S 2ND OF JANUARY AND WE'RE HERE LIVE FOR THE SHOWDOWN BETWEEN...

Whiny "Macho Man" Craig VS Bored "Garbage Taker" James

LET'S DO THIS *DING*

"Take that back," James said.

Ohno, the Garbage Taker has fumbled. Or has he, could this be an elaborate threat-ruse to lure Craig off screen for his signature move? Don't do it Craig, you're not worth it... er I mean it's not worth it

"No, why should I?" Craig grumbled.

He's falling for it, if there is an it at all. What does "Macho Man" have up his sleeve that makes him think he can take on the Garbage Taker and not be chucked into the recycle bin for a week?

"If you don't I'll punch you," James said.

Well okay, it was a threat-ruse but not very elaborate after all. Still though, if the Garbage Taker wants to hit you, probably best to start typing up that will pronto

"Ooh, I'm scared," Craig said sarcastically.

What's he doing? He can't be serious, using sarcasm and taunting the Garbage Taker? I've honestly seen smarter people in the Maji than this guy, what a dweeb!

"You should be, Tom had to get replacement nose bones because I punched him so many times," James said.

Then again, he could be copying off Garbage Taker's rather pitiful and probably bored showing off-edness. Honestly folks, the crowd's already gotten bored themselves and left the ship. This fight's turning into two schoolboys pushing and shoving each other, then bragging about an epic showdown to their mates later

"Show off, I could do that," Craig muttered.

"Morgan, I can't help it. He won't shut up," Craig moaned.

Oooph, that was quite the rubber glue blow. Tastes a little hypocrity in this announcer's opinion

"I'd rather have Iinan kill me to regenerate than put up with you," James muttered.

Another weak comeback, especially when it's said by the Garbage Taker who is also known as James the Immortal for his coming back to life superpower. By anyone else that insult would be a humdinger

"Stop provoking him, we both know what happens to people who do."

"Oh fine, let's go," Craig said and he walked out the airlock.

WELP, wrap it up folks. "Macho Man" has forgotten the golden rule of fighting the Garbage Taker. DO NOT WALK OFF SCREEN

ROUND ONE GOES TO THE GARBAGE TAKER, who'dhavethought?

AND NOW WE RETURN TO "THE RESURRECTION" and you guys don't know whether to sigh in relief or groan. NEITHER DO I

Morgan spotted something, she walked over to it. It was a large box that hadn't been opened. She opened it easily

phew, so we can safely say this isn't another corpse, and/or another awkward one sided makeout scene.

"It's the wrong book. I think the title says the Book of Death," Morgan replied.

What did you expect, there's four parts and this is only three

"Sounds nice. Maybe we should take it to the ship anyway," Jessie said. Morgan handed the book to Jessie, but she nearly dropped it.

"Oh it's heavy," Morgan said and she walked through the door.

"Now she tells me," Jessie muttered and she followed Morgan out.

You'd figure Jessie would be used to this sorta thing by now, lawl

Though I question whether Morgan knew it was heavy before she handed it to her, cos if she did, then what a bitch to hand something that's heavy to HER to anyone else other than James. tut tut

Also, why are they taking it? pfftlol, no reason other than plot convenience

James and Craig headed towards a large building. They both heard footsteps not far behind them. They turned to see who was behind them.

"Shame on you, men are supposed to greet every woman who passes by," Unu said in a sweet voice.

Oh god, that'd get old fast, as in instantly

Anyways, we're meeting Unu for the first time and imo she's the only one with any kind of personality.

She pointed her hands out towards Craig and James. Suddenly a wall of fire surrounded them. Unu giggled like a little girl. She then walked closer to them. "Men who aren't polite should be punished. That's my motto," she said.

"Tell me, is that Jessie or Unu, I can't tell?" Craig asked James. He just groaned in response.

Just A Little Bit More: 2

Uhhhh what Craig? What part of any of that sounded like Jessie? If she had said "men who take the piss out of my clothes should be punished," I'd still be a bit "uhhhh" cos she wouldn't waste time warning them. Those idiots would be in comas already

so yeah, best friend James wouldn't find that remark mild enough for a just groan. A regular ass groan is the least he can do

"Speaking of which, where is she?" Unu asked.

"Why should I tell you?" James asked.

"Oh, don't be like that, you meanie," Unu replied in a soft voice.

YOU MEANIE will henceforth be James' new nickname until I get tired of it too. The Off Screeninator sounds cool, so torn

oh look guys, another "in a such and such voice". I should've kept count of those instead of the edgy swearing.

*shifty eyes*

YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL. SWAPSIES

They Said In A Muttered Voice: 8

"God, she's softer than Jessie," Craig muttered

You know what, I'm going to speak for everyone here when I say

which was followed by a punch in the face.

I lied, James will do it for me

"Ow, what was that for," Craig moaned.

Ugh Craig, I can't be bothered to write another "only witty to me" recap. Read this stupid "movie" yourself and then ask this with a straight face

A bit odd that this is where James draws the so annoying=must punch line. Not surprising though

Unu was suddenly hit in the back by a phaser blast. She screeched.

"Don't do that, that tickes!" she giggled and she turned to see who fired on her.

Jeez, James is not only the Off Screeninator, he can also multitask like a boss. Punching and firing at the same time, I'm impressed!

"Change the setting," Morgan said.

"I'm working on it, cut me some slack," Jessie muttered as she fiddled with the rifle.

oh, erm... haha. I saw the "who fired on her" vague s$$$ and I automatically assume James. My old habits die just like he does

"You know, this is just too easy," Unu said. Iinan arrived and he put his arm around Unu.

"Well done," he said calmly. Unu giggled and she kissed him.

yeah Jess, revealing yourself to the villains who want to drain you dry to revive themselves, isn't the best idea you've ever had. Not the worst, I've read F9 after all

"Ugh, I'm going to be sick," Craig muttered. Jessie and James stared angrily at him. "It's just like seeing you two kissing," Craig muttered

ugh, this scene tastes a bit salty

James punched him again.

wow, I really do build up a lot of rubbish over the Christmas period

Iinan walked over to Morgan and Jessie. He easily pulled the rifle off Jessie. He looked at Morgan, she was holding the black book.

OHNOES, IINAN'S ONLY WEAKNESS! WE'RE DOOMED

and lol, Unu found phaser fire tickly. Iinan must be pissed

"The Book of Death, thank you for finding it for us," Iinan said and he tried to take the book off her. Morgan punched him with her available hand. He stumbled backwards a little. He smiled at her. "This one is strong," he said.

"Duh," Morgan muttered

wait, when did Morgan grab the book? There was this stupid "it's heavy" joke in the previous scene, which again felt a bit snotty on Morgan's side and I haven't a clue why. Upendi was yonks ago

I suppose they could've swapped the book and rifle, but Morgan's the Super Sue, shouldn't she be firing?

Unu walked over to her. "Let me try," she said, she pulled a knife out of nowhere and she slashed Morgan's face with it. Then she stole the book off her easily. She handed the book over to Iinan. "That wasn't so hard," she said with a giggle.

Sheesh, I should be revoking sue points for crap like this. First Saturday Night chumpicity, now this. Did I notice what I was doing with her and toned her down, or has James took over (already)

seriously, what the hell? I gave Jessie the book. If I wanted Unu and Iinan to get it with little trouble, why did I give it to Morgan between scenes? It may as well left it with Jessie who while usually tough, isn't a match for the two Slayers in the team AND is injured (yes the story's forgotten), or heck give it to Craig considering how easy it was to take from them.

Morgan lost her temper and she stormed over to Iinan and Unu. Iinan pushed out his hand, all of sudden a shield surrounded Morgan, stopping her from moving far.

"All right, you bastard, let me out of here, now!" Morgan yelled.

Yeah see, have Jessie with the book, she's outmatched by the super powered warlocks and so its taken from her quickly. Morgan tries to do something but this happens. Then all we have left is what to do with Craig and James during this whole thing, cos all I've seen is James occasionally punching Craig. While hilarious and overdue, it doesn't help right now

What would be the point in that?" Iinan asked, and he smiled at her. He then grabbed a hold of Jessie by the arm, he then kept a tight grip on her so she couldn't get away.

I'm not joking. While Craig would be laughably hopeless in this situation and the two women aren't usually damsels, it's very jarring that these two aren't even mentioned. Tbh, with the way Craig's been acting in this one, I'm surprised he hasn't ran in screaming MACHO CRAIG AWAY and gotten slapped to the ground.

Unu, let down that firewall, we need our other sacrifice," Iinan commanded.

wait, what? who?

what?

I only remember the anti Morgan shield and Iinan did that one. What?

*brb*

MY BAD. I shall correct my complaints immediately

"Okay, your wish is my command," Unu said, she held out her hand towards the fire wall. It disappeared in an instant. Craig rushed over to Morgan. Unu walked over to James, and she took a hold of his arm.

Nope, still complaint worthy. James does nothing but stand there and wait for Unu to kidnap him, while Iinan already has Jessie. I'm starting to suspect that James has crashed and needs rebooting, hence the random punches.

She tried to pull him but she couldn't. "He's heavy," she moaned. Despite the situation Morgan tried not to laugh.

um okay?

"That's insulting," James muttered.

"Oh come on, come with me, or I'll have to hurt you," Unu moaned.

i said, um okay?

I was joking earlier, but it seems like James has been bored of this crud for a while and can't be bothered to take it seriously. At the same time he's back to his old easily offended Season One self.

Iinan walked over to Unu, pulling Jessie along with him. Iinan gave Unu the rifle and he took the knife off her, and he held it at Jessie's neck.

"Come with us, or she'll die," Iinan said.

James: ......

Iinan: *pokes*

Jessie: Sigh, try control alt delete

"If you kill her, Unu won't be able to regenerate," James said.

really? Is that why he's acting so bored/disinterested/tired/statue-eseque? He knows there's no danger, cos he has to be at the ritual as well and he's too "heavy" to be forced into it? Jessie isn't in danger as long as he's frozen to the spot?

nope not buying it

"That's a good point, but I can still hurt her," Iinan said, he held the knife near her face instead. James pushed Unu into Iinan, and they both fell to the ground.

Morgan: OH COME ON!

Iinan and Unu stood back up. Iinan walked over to Craig, he hit him and he fell to the ground. He then picked up the rifle and he quickly aimed it at James and Jessie.

You know what, when I write exactly like this now, I tend to press the delete button a lot, mutter angrily, then go get another coffee and start again, usually in two weeks. But back in 2001 I was like "YUP, THAT'S THE STUFF. SO ON EDGE OF MY SEATY"

I still suck at action scenes but still, there's evidence of try in them.

but at least this proves an earlier point, Craig is pretty much useless here. Which is fine, these are supernatural monsters they're dealing with here. I just find it quite funny after all the posturing he's been doing this entire film. In any other story by a better writer, this would be a wake up call moment for him but I imagine he'll still be a passive aggressive little snot for quite a while.

"Make another foolish move and I'll shoot," Iinan said. He looked over at Unu. "Take them, one at a time," Iinan commanded.

"But that guy is heavy," Unu moaned. Iinan groaned, he quickly handed the rifle to her.

Correction: supernatural idiots

These two "mummies" are tossing spells left, right and centre but one shove by the Immortal Off Screeninator renders them so useless they gotta use phaser rifles, technology I really, REALLY doubt they had 3000 years ago. Not to mention pathetic. They've gone from mildly threatening to generic "funny" villain in a few paragraphs

"I'll do it then," Iinan said, he walked over to the pair. He took a hold of Jessie's arm, and he tried to drag her away from James, but failed.

Morgan: SERIOUSLY, WTF'S GOING ON? I'M THE SUE AND I'M GETTING KO'D BY SEVEN IN ONE SENTENCE AND BOOKS SNATCHED FROM ME. HE GETS THE EPIC SHOWDOWN WITH SEVEN, ACTUALLY HURTING HER AND NOW THESE IDIOT MUMMIES CAN'T EVEN BUDGE HIM

Craig: Well to be fair, a person is heavier and harder to take than a boo..

Morgan: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

all joking aside, kinda, James has apparently such a strong hold of Jessie* that the mummies that can snatch a massive metal book, that was too heavy for Jessie to carry seemingly, can't pull her even a little bit.

*I had to check if he even did, he only helped her up so...?? I can only guess how he's holding her. Arm clutching, arm around back/shoulders, heck even carrying her. Who knows, I don't!

Anyone else seeing the problem here? Yeah? It's not the biggest problem this "film" has. Touche, you're right. carry on.

"Let go of her, or I'll shoot her. Even if she's dead for fifteen minutes we can still use her as a sacrifice," Unu said. James let go of her, and Iinan dragged her away.

Wow, that was easy. If you want some easy money, invite James to a poker game and bluff your way to financial freedom

and let me guess, we've still got to endure some more of the HE'S HEAVY stalemate crap that's bloated the scene. CAN WE JUST GET TO THE POINT

it's clear I wrote myself into yet another hole. It's easy enough not to, Iinan and Unu aren't meant to be normal people. They use magic, so why is this such a struggle?

"If I let go of her to get him, she'll try to escape," Iinan said.

"We can come back for him," Iinan replied. The shield around Morgan faded away and she rushed over to Craig, he was unconscious.

Here's a crazy thought, USE MAGIC

But yeah, leave James behind. it's not like you need him or anything

"Hang on. Do you want to have some last words?" Unu asked Jessie.

CRAIG'S UNCONSCIOUS

WHAT A TEASE

Oh she asked Jessie, my bad.

"This should be amusing," Iinan muttered, and he dragged Jessie back over to James, and Morgan. "Say what you want, be quick, and don't try anything stupid," Iinan said. Jessie looked at Morgan.

Why yes, we're doing this crap again. And yes Jessie's going along with this. She has no reason to think she's actually going to die, these guys are absolute chumps. Still, even if she did, does Jessie strike you as someone who'd do this to cater to the bad guy's whims? Even if she wanted to do last words, she wouldn't cos a) the bad guys get a good laugh out of it and b) she's supposed to be more private than that, though I suppose F9 No Control likes to beg to differ.

But yeah we're doing this, this has to happen and better yet, stay canon. I really thought I didn't have to reboot this one. big wrong there Marill, as usual

"Sorry, can't think of anything," she muttered. Morgan shrugged her shoulders.

"It's ok, I wouldn't know what to say either," Morgan said quietly.

At least she says sorry, unlike a certain unconscious someone

Jessie looked at Craig, he was still unconscious. She then looked at James.

I've complained about her being forced (not by the villains but by 2001 me) to share last words already, I know. It's lazy enough already without the fact that Craig did this earlier, which wasn't necessary and could've been cut if I was going to do it again. Not only that but Jessie follows the same template. First person she looks "sorry I dunno," second person is the one she likes the least but thankfully he's unconscious so no delicious karma for Craig. Third is well... lets have a look, shall we!!

"Morgan, you wouldn't mind blocking your ears," Jessie asked.

"Nah, I don't want to hear any last words," Morgan replied and she blocked her ears with her hands.

"Erm, this isn't going to be easy but... "Jessie muttered.

"Hurry up!" Iinan yelled. Unu just giggled.

"I'm going to have to say it, or I never will. Erm, I just want you to know that, er, I love you," Jessie said quietly.

Yep, the template says the third person has to be a love confession. If we didn't already know this in Resistance, well this still wouldn't be a shock would it? And no, I can't delete the Craig version as it's referenced as a joke at his expense later. doh. Back to Jessie, none of what happens here is in character, so:

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

No, this is not the time for shippy and/or dance gif's.

"Time's up, lovebirds," he said. Morgan quickly jumped onto her feet and it took all her strength to hold James back.

"Woah, calm down!" she muttered.

LOL "calm down!!!!!" muttered, classic!

On a more serious note, we've got to talk about this Morgan and James power levels switcheroo thing. Back to the actual scene, I'm not super keen on this. James only gets pissed at Jessie's kidnapping after she confesses to him, at least that's how it appears. Somuchwrong

I know that wasn't what I was going for. It's simply badly timed, he should be getting worked up solely because they're leaving with her. The confession makes this look fishy

James pulled himself out of Morgan's hold on him.

"Why the hell did you hold me back!" he yelled.

And again, super jarring that for most of the episode, even when bickering with Craig and hitting him, he's been acting pretty "meh", only to turn into the rage machine we know from earlier episodes (namely Saturday Night, best on screen example) at the last minute, suspiciously only a sentence or so after the I love you reveal. He seemed so bored/confident (delete as you think) until they got her, and even when they did he didn't seem to be too worried.

such a shame too

anyway!

back to Morgan having to use full strength to hold angry James back and he still breaks free from her.

"Look, did you want them to shoot her?" Morgan asked.

"No, but I could of gotten her back," James muttered.

is that why you're SUDDENLY super pissed off, Jamesy? If I didn't know any better, I thought you were pissed cos Unu and Iinan ruined your shippy moment.

"Oh come on, we will. We never lose, right?" Morgan asked. They both heard a groan from the floor. "See, he agrees," Morgan said.

oh yes, he agrees. I remember that very well *snicker* part 4 should be good, stay tuned for round 2 of the epic match of the year folks OMGSPOILERS

"Well, I'd just like to say that blocking ears never works. So, congratulations," Morgan said.

"Morgan, she's just been taken away by people who's going to kill her," James muttered.

YEAH MORGAN, PRIORITIES

"So? If you're going to be like that, then you're going to die too," Morgan said. Craig woke up, and he slowly stood up.

I dunno, he had things well in hand... teach him about bluffs=lying, and we might have an unstoppable force here

"Did I miss anything?" he asked. James and Morgan glanced at each other and they groaned.

"Come on, let's get back to the Maji ship, we can try to come up with a rescue plan," Morgan said, she and James headed back to the ship. Craig just stood their like an idiot.

"What's going on? Where's Jessie? And where did those circus freaks go?" he asked.

"Come on, Craig!" Morgan yelled. Craig eventually followed them.

And end of part 3

What, no Voyager scene foreshadowing/spoiling what happens at the beginning of part 4!?!?! OMG MY IMMERSION, RUINED

>> Page 4 time >>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counters Results So Far:

One-Off Counter They Said In A Muttered Voice: 2 + 2 + 8 (12)

Muttered Count: 43 + 40 (83)

Sexist Crap Count: 3 + 0 (3)

Jessie's Sin Points: +1 (+10 so far)

Morgan the Sue Count: 1 + 0 (1)

Annika Dies Count: 0

James Kill Count: 0

James Dies Count: 0

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 0

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 8 + 2 for the love confessions, +1 for the eew Emma fancies another James "joke" (11)

Just A Little Bit More: 2 + 2 (4)