Marill Re-Reads "Interactions"

"Right, you wanted to talk, now talk," James said.

OMG JESSIE, YOU DIDN'T NEED THAT DEVICE OR WHATEVER... THE TOTES MAN OF YOUR DREAMS IS ALREADY RIGHT THERE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

It's gonna be C isn't it.

"Listen, I didn't mean what I said in the Mess Hall, I was just upset that's all," Jessie said.

Um, okay slipping into B. WE CAN DO IT FOLKS

"Yeah, I know. I over reacted. I've been acting like a kid haven't I," James said.

I... I dunno what picture to use. Help me.

It was always going to be B. Who was I kidding? Yeah these two fight and any shippers they have will cringe at everything, its awful etc... but they'll make up in two self-blamey apology-like awkward lines in their next scene.

"I don't blame you actually," Jessie muttered. A waitress came up to the table.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Vodka," James replied.

Okay fine... first; worst waitress ever.

Two; we know the FV cast are alcofrolics but holymoly. Just vodka James? Jesus. Are you trying for another kid, it doesn't work that way.

Okay the ickle points are out of the way. Yeah fine, I don't blame James either for being upset with the way that pregnancy reveal went down. I don't blame her either though. Prequel hindsight or not, it's quite a shock for her and it'd be a bit weird if she acted as if nothing was wrong. So yeah the awkward apology is fine. She was upset and cos of that blurted something stupid out. James did overreact and stomp off like a big kid.

It's the Sickbay scene that's sticking in my mind and Jessie doesn't know about it. AND the scene's no longer canon, but for this review it happened.

But of course, it's justified because after the drink order the conversation goes on;

"So, what are we going to do about this then?" James asked.

"I don't know. I don't want to resort to that, but if I don't people like Tom would find out," Jessie replied.

Um what? Jessie's biggest hangups with this was that she was scared she'd lose James. Now it's because Tom might make jokes? Consistency please.

"The Doctor told me there were other options," James said.

Ohlookie, Interactions gets shorter. What fun. Deleting tralalah

This is the part where Jessie gets mad that he talked to him behind her back and delivers appropriate crotch kicking. Right?

"Like what?" Jessie asked.

Sigh.

They chat about their options - and yes this is totally a-ok, that part I'm not whinging about - it's how James got these options and that Jessie's not only okay with it, but is open to changing her mind and has changed her reasons for wanting the abortion. FU. Even better their options that I assume James has picked out as I'm sure Doc mentioned more are;

1) Put the kid in the "freezer" for later (he says stasis but really, wording it like this feels more accurate)

2) Surrogacy, despite the fact that that'd only be done if there was a medical reason... not because Jessie doesn't want Tom laughing at her belly, or because her clothes won't fit.

You know what, in the end this scene and the Sickbay bit add nothing to the story. They amount to sod all. All they do is piss me off. I'm not joking, this s$$$ is now gone.

Anyway now that that's out of the way, it's time for plot. I'm sure you were very interested in the future Human colony and how Voyager's going to get back.

lol, don't be daft. Interactions is a tease. It has one point which needed a setting off Voyager, and this old discarded plot was what was picked. FIFTH VOYAGER

Two men walked up to the table and they sat down. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" James asked.

"Sitting, what does it look like," the shorter guy said. The other guy sat next to Jessie. He tried to put his arm around her but she slapped it away.

Told ya, rapey season.

"Oh, I love a girl with attitude," the guy said. The shorter guy laughed hysterically. He tried to put his arm around her again, and she pushed him away. The shorter guy was laughing really hard and he fell onto James.

Ooops, did I fall on you? Oh my bad... do you work out?

Yeah be more subtle shorter guy

"Oh, didn't notice you there," the shorter guy said while laughing. James moved over and the guy fell over. "That was mean," the shorter guy squeaked. He then started giggling hysterically again.

NAILED IT

"I'd watch it if I were you blondy, blonde guys are his favourite," the taller guy said.

Yeah, of course. If it's not Morgan, it's James luring the unwanted drools. Fact of FV life I'm afraid. Get used to James getting all the attention (gay and straight) from now on too, it's not offensive at all.......

*cough*

James stood up quickly and he stood at the edge of the table. The song Freaky Friday came on

LOL

Yeah I'm laughing at something that I bet wasn't intended to be funny, but it damn well is.

 The taller guy put his hand on Jessie's leg. She hit his hand really hard and she stood up.

This line follows it in the same paragraph, so yeah not meant to be funny. I hope.

It's also earned...

Jessie's Sin Points: +1 (come on Jessie, you've put men in comas for looking at you, probably, but leg groping only gets a hand slap)

"Lets go, Jess," James said.

"Yeah," Jessie muttered. The two guys also stood up and they blocked their way.

"Oh, but we were enjoying your company," the taller guy said and he winked at Jessie. The other guy just laughed hysterically again.

How are these two idiots still conscious?

"Just get out of the way, I'm not in the mood for you," James said.

Buckle up folks, s$$$'s about to get real

The taller guy quickly took a hold of her arm and he pulled her over to him. The smaller guy started laughing again.

Harry managed to pull himself away from the crowd and he rushed over.

"Can't you stay for ten minutes without getting into trouble?" Harry said.

"We're not being any trouble, are we pet?" the taller guy said.

"If he doesn't let me go I'm going to tear him to pieces," Jessie muttered.

"What was that pet?" the guy asked.

"Don't call me that!" Jessie snapped.

Harry, victim blaming. He says this after a man drags her closer to him. Even the asshole guy is confused and thinks he's talking to him.

And yes please Jessie, I'm bored. Still waiting for the real s$$$ I promised.

"Listen, if you don't let her go, you're going to get in a lot of trouble," Harry said. Both of the guys laughed loudly.

Um I don't want to be one of those people but wtf is James doing, standing gormlessly watching this? Harry's had time to push through a crowd, run over, victim blame and James's done and said nothing. I'm not saying he has to deliver an ass kicking, but saying nothing, doing nothing, it's off putting.

"Really, what kind of trouble?" the guy laughed.

"I'll show you if you want," James said. Harry blocked him getting closer to the guy.

Damn it Harry, no fun allowed :(

"I want more music! NOW!" Emma screamed. She ran over to the jukebox and the song Jesse Hold On by B*Witched came on. She started dancing again.

Oh you!

Emma started singing, very badly, to the song. Quite a few people ran out of the room screaming. Jessie managed to get away from the guy when he tried to block his ears.

May I remind you that Emma is based on a real person? Good, I'm glad we're all on the same page. Carry on Season Two, you rapey, shippy, friend pissing off asshole.

"Can I do one more thing before we go?" James asked.

YES. THIS IS IT. BOBBLE THROWING TIME

"Er.. depends..." Harry muttered but before he could finish his sentence the taller guy was on the floor nursing a broken nose. The second guy was trying to comfort him. "Oh great, I should have known that was coming," Harry muttered.

You... you should? And so it begins!

James smacks everyone around, it happens so often people sigh "not again" everytime he does. They're not surprised, it's a daily occurrence. WHAT? you haven't noticed? Pay more attention sheesh!

BUT WHO CARES, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

REYN TI... er I mean OH YEAH

Harry, James and Jessie looked her way, three security type men had gotten a hold of her. More security guards came over.

"Oh great, now look what you've done," Harry said. One security officer came up to Harry.

"Are you in command of these people?" the officer asked.

"Er.. I suppose so," Harry muttered.

"Then you should know that I'm arresting you all," the officer said. The other officers took a hold of Jessie and James too.

"What for?" Harry asked.

"For being Federation spies. Take them away," 

Um, lol?

Surely punching some creep was enough of a reason to arrest a group of people?

Nope, Federation spies.

What was the point of the flirty guys fight then?

BOBBLE JAMES HAS EVOLVED INTO MODERN JAMES, THAT'S WHY SUCKERS. YES I STILL WILL MAKE BOBBLE JOKES UNTIL I GET BORED OF THEM, MWAHAHAHAHA

"Tell me something. We haven't even been in this timeline for an hour, so why have four of my crew been arrested?" she asked.

Plot convenience?

"Some good luck, I suppose, well apart from Harry's case," Tom said. Kathryn marched over to him and she leaned on the table.

"No smart alacky remarks, Mr Paris. I'm not in the mood for them," she growled. She straightened up again and she walked over to Chakotay. "Why were they arrested under your command?" she said angrily.

I'm so used to seeing/writing Tom being KO'd for lesser comments I was expecting him to be crunch timed for that. I'll just have to settle for creepy pervert being punched.

Anyway bored now. Break 2.

JESUS, THE EPISODE'S JUST OVER HALFWAY! :( I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPLIT THIS INTO TWO FILES, AREN'T I?

"Federation spies? I thought that this was a Federation planet," Kathryn said.

"Maybe we should have done more research before sending an away team," Craig muttered. Kathryn leaned on the desk again and she fixed her most lethal death glare onto Craig.

"If I want your input, I will ask you for it, understood!" Kathryn yelled.

THE BOY'S RIGHT YOU KNOW

AND SERIOUSLY, WHAT DOES UPPITY CREWMEMBERS HAVE TO DO TO GET A JANEWAY SLAP ABOUT? SO BORED

"Hello again, have we accidentally went back in time again?" Jacqueline said in a cheerful manner.

"No, I'm afraid we've caused the accident," Kathryn replied.

If anyone didn't expect the Erona to show up just because Voyager's in their century, then you're not yet convinced of FV's talent for bulls$$$. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?

"Oh, where's that cute guy gone?" Vicky asked.

"I'm here," Tom said.

HA

"Not you, you're not cute. That young Geordie guy," Vicky said.

How many times... James is not a Geordie. I'm okay with ignorant Tom sometimes making fun of him for this, it depends on the quality of the jokes, but Vicky too pfftt

I liked to say I was a Geordie back in the day, and since James was from my hometown that's why he's referred to as such. Fine fine, but it's mentioned so much it's like a part of his character description. It's mentioned more than blonde and that's a feat.

"You shouldn't of gone down to that planet, it's controlled by the New Marquis. We're both lucky we haven't been fired upon yet," Jacqueline said.

"Fired upon by whom?" Chakotay asked. The Erona's bridge shook a little.

New Marquis? How interesting. I wonder what their cause is and if there are any other planets involved and... LMAO

Ok ok, making fun of FV's tendency to ignore more interesting stuff for shippy crap and bad jokes is getting rather old, I'll admit. It's not fair to Interactions either as the setting was never its point but still doesn't change the fact that its a tease for putting this here.

Also this review is f$$$$$ long and since Season Two episodes are on average longer than One's, and it'll only get longer, I need to learn to quote and rant a lot less.

"The Marquis's headquarters fire at any Federation ship they spot, I suggest you move to a safe distance," Jacqueline replied. The viewscreen changed back to view the Erona and the planet.

snip

"Yes ma'am," Tom said. Everyone saw the Erona move in the way of the torpedos. The torpedos hit their shields.

"We're receiving an audio message from the planet surface," Lilly said.

In: "Federation ships, leave orbit or we'll be forced to destroy you. Your spies have been captured so I'd suggest you'd better leave this system before we kill them."

Um has nobody noticed that one of two of these ships is outdated enough to be in a museum, it's not a Galaxy class you know. dumbasses

"Don't worry, the Marquis maybe sneaky but they have never executed any of our spies before," Jacqueline said.

"The worst that could happen is that they could be interrogated," Will said.

Yeah I'd trust the Erona's opinion on this, just like I'd trust James to hold onto my bobbles while I pick one to use.

Loads of security guards pushed the Voyager crewmembers and the two guys into a large room. They were forced to sit down. A tall man walked up to them and he sat in a chair in front of them. He had a large PADD in his hands. He turned it around so that they could all see it, it had a picture of Voyager on it.

Um props for trying I guess :/

"Does any of you want to tell me what this is?" the man asked. Nobody dared to answer. "Fine, I'll tell you. This is another one of the Federation's plans to get us off this planet. They bring out one of their ancient junk ships from the museum and put it into orbit around our planet. They want us to think it's harmless but it's really a ticking time bomb, that could go off with one torpedo fire. It has an old warp core that could breach if damaged. This could cause a lot of damage to the planet. This is why the Erona stopped us from firing a few torpedos at it while they were here. Do you think we're stupid?" the man said loudly. Everyone just looked confused.

HOLY S$$$ THAT'S A LOT OF TEXT. Tall guy #2 talks too much. Hypocrisy Marill strikes again.

So they did notice Voyager's an antique? And the Federation are daft enough to drag a museum ship out of retirement and chuck it in orbit, or are the Marquis that seriously paranoid?

Actually the warp core bit makes a bit of sense. Only a bit. I don't remember Enterprise D's core breach doing any damage to Veridian 3. So erm. Yeah

And yes you are very stupid. You could've arrested James, perhaps Jessie as she was with him, the two idiots for the bar fight only and this story would still have followed the plot just fine. The readers wouldn't be teased with a more interesting back story and the episode would be shorted, winwin. So yes stupid.

"Hang on a sec, if you think us four are spies, why are those two jerks here?" Jessie asked.

BECAUSE THE PLOT DEMANDS IT, HUSH

"Anyway, these guys aren't part of the federation. Two of them are Marquis and the other one is just a passenger," Harry said.

Wow Harry, we are not worthy

"Why would Marquis people be on a Federation ship?" the man asked.

"They were our prisoners but they escaped and then came down here," Harry replied.

"Really, you weren't doing a very good job of capturing them when they were in that pub," the man said.

Actually... not a bad cover story. Except no one would send Harry, especially after volatile Jessie and has always punched people James.

"That's because I thought I'd be exposed if I did try to capture them," Harry said. The man looked at another PADD.

Oh nm, clever boy.

"That is a lie. These Marquis of yours must be traitors, they will be interrogated and then put into jail. Your passenger will be arrested since she was intoxicated in public, and you will stay here so we can use you as a hostage," the man said.

Intoxicated in public? That's a crime?

Wtf, why is there a bar in town then?

Harry's already the hostage, why couldn't Emma be too? Sooo dumb.

Anyways more paragraphs describing each set of characters being dragged out separately for their different crimes, but will end up in the same place anyway.

"You will in time, I doubt your Marquis friends would be able to take an execution," the man said.

"You wouldn't do that," Harry said.

"Oh I would, so you'd better tell me where they've[some ships that no one cares about] gone or you'll be witnessing a double execution," the man said.

See. Erona are never right. Hopeless.

"Shame, I really liked those two as well," the man said.

"If you kill them I won't co-operate," Harry said.

Ohnoes, Morgan's Sue'ness is contagious. Poor James and Jessie, it's a slippery slope.

"I've got rid of all the alcohol in her system, she can be put into the prison now," the doctor said. The guards dragged Emma out of the medical bay. A next lot of guards, dragging Jessie and James, came in next. The doctor groaned. "Why do you have to do all of that interrogation, it takes up a lot of medical resources to heal them," he sighed.

Good lord, if you think I take the James and Jessie are tied together jokes too far, then look at this. Interrogated together, treated together, I'm surprised the jails they're thrown into aren't unisex so they can share a cell.

On another note, why are they wasting resources treating their traitorous prisoners?

The doc berates them beating a pregnant woman, because the readers need a reminder, it serves no other purpose.

"We've already done enough damage to the timeline as it is, destroying those headquarters is out of the question," Kathryn said.

"Yeah, you've already done a lot of damage so there's no harm in doing anymore. That's our motto," Jacqueline said.

That escalated off screen. Whut?

PS Erona, when the Fifth Voyager crew are saying your blow s$$$ up plan not only sucks but is out of line, then you've long jumped the line.

"If you were listening you would know that we're not planning on destroying anything. Your crewmembers will still have their commbadges, but if they don't their commbadges would still be in the headquarters. If we track down the signal we'll find those headquarters. We'll just attack it so we can lower the shields and get your people out," Jacqueline said.

That's got to be worst example of "summing up exposition that happened off screen" that I've ever seen.

That's an achievement.

It's so dumb there was no point in doing it. You may as well have shown them discussing the plan, it also makes the Voyager crew look dumber than the Erona crew which is a sin on its own. I'm gonna assume my Voyager peeps are so blood thirsty they thought lowering the shields would lead to NUKE THE F$$$ OUT OF THEM.

"If they haven't got their commbadges, which will more than likely be the case, how will we be able to beam them back?" Chakotay asked.

"Well we can use our transporters, simple," Jacqueline replied.

OH HOW CLEVER

It's at this point in the review that I took a break for a third time, came back for a fourth round, saw the size of the damn thing and thought "f$$$ it, you don't have to quote every other line you twat, I want to read Disconnected and Resistance sometime this month." Soooo, hopefully we're near the end of this review.

In: "Somebody has beamed down to the surface," Lilly replied.

"Who?" Kathryn asked.

Everyone in the conference room could here people cheering on the Bridge.

BREAKING NEWS: WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE BRIDGE AS THIS NEWS CAME IN. WARNING, SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND THE IMAGES IN THIS VIDEO HILARIOUS

Yeah it doesn't take a genius.

There's some back and forth about failing to beam her back and explanations as to why of the fourth wall variety, ruining the joke IT'S THE FIFTH VOYAGER WAY, and so I'll cut to the chase:

Annika was tied to the stake and loads of people were cheering.

"This woman has been found guilty of the crimes of witchcraft, now you people must leave quickly because some stupid person has put gasoline on the stake," a man said. Everyone ran for cover.

The man lit a flame and he threw it at the stake. Suddenly there was this huge explosion and bits of Annika's body was flying everywhere. The man that lit the fire was a little luckier, he had only lost his right arm and leg. "Hmm, next time I'll get a hologram to light the fire," the man muttered.

Seven Dies Count: 1

Ah Season Two you shippy, gorry bodied mess you. That poor innocent man getting blown to bits does not make this funnier, but I will forgive you for continuing the Seven Dies meme. Season Five wouldn't be the same without you.

"Isn't this suppose to be a serious episode?" Raichu asked.

YES

"Hey cool, look how long this episode is," Marill said.

True Story:

It's late June 2017, Marill once more sits at her computer to continue typing up scenes for Muse In Fear Haven. Fair Haven 2's scenes are finally done, Muse is about halfway. She goes to copy the file from the USB stick, the size 180kb makes her do a double take. Fear hasn't even started yet. It's in another file, ready to be edited. The longest solo episode was Worse Case Scenario 2 at 200ish kb. She sighs.

"Oh sh$$, look how long this episode is," Marill said.

How times have changed.

The womans' prison:

Emma and Jessie felt like killing themselves. They had to share a room with a girl who would win the Most Insane Girl award even if Faye was taking part.

What, they separated James and Jessie? WELL I NEVER

Some of the girls walked up to Emma.

"You could do us a big favour," one girl said.

"Yeah, you could kill that girl you live with, we all hate her guts," another girl said.

"I would, but I need a chain-saw," Emma said.

Um.....

No wonder Harry is shipped with her. GORRY BODIES! Emma: SURE!

"Here, be our guests," the girl said. Emma picked it up and she giggled hysterically. She ran off.

UM

"I doubt it, she looks like a goody two shoes who's probably married with kids," one other girl said. Everyone laughed again.

Um, foreshadowing????????

"What we did to the last one. Terrorise her until she goes to insanity, and then have that new girl kill her for us," one girl said.

UMMMMMMMMMMMM

THIS S$$$ IS DARK

WHY IS SEASON THREE CALLED THE EDGY ONE? SEASON TWO IS SUCH A TRYHARD, SEASON THREE IS LIKE DISNEY IN COMPARISON

The girls all agreed and they crowded around Jessie. A few of the girls started hitting her, and laughing. Suddenly the fuse was only a few millimeters long, and a hit in the stomach set it off. It wasn't long before two of the girls had black eyes, one weakling one was on the floor crying, and the others with bleeding lips.

Jessie's Sin Points: -5 (I'd say one for each girl garbaged but it doesn't say how many, so bare minimum only; 2 black eyes, 1 weakling crybaby, at least 2 with busted lips = 5)

Well earned.

Of course Jessie was in a bit of a state too......(snip)

Oh of course. Because FV is all about dat realism.

Guards came over and they took a hold of Jessie, but she was certainly in no mood to be dragged around. Lets just say more guards had to come to hold her back. "What the hell are you taking me for, they started it!" she screamed.

Sorry Jessie, script mixup

Emma came back with the chain-saw in her hands.

"I couldn't do it, I tried to imagine her as Annika but it didn't work, hey what's going on?" she asked

Oh good. Still um that it happened

"Well, he looks about mid twenties, and he looks like a wuss. Rumour has it that the girl he was originally with is going to be put in here cos she managed to beat up a load of girls, on her own," the first guy said.

So much wrong, so little time. That only happened because of spoiler reasons. Also the James and Jessie chains were getting a bit tangled, so better to bring them back together.

"I don't know, all I did was punch a guy in the face and break his nose," James replied.

"You? As if, no offense but you look like a weakling," the 1st guy said.

"Thanks for the compliment," James muttered sarcastically.

Oh and so begins the James looks so harmless, ohs$$$ we got Garbage GIF'd joke. It gets old fast. Like everything in this series.

James turned around to look. The guards let go of Jessie and they walked off.

"Hey, you've got the wrong prison again," another guy yelled at the guards. They didn't hear as they left the room and slammed the doors. James and the other guys went over to Jessie who was nearly fuming with rage.

Sigh

I'll get there, I will. For now, it must be shown.

"Hey, are you a trans-sexual or something?" he asked. Everyone laughed.

Hahaha?

Yeah I know the writer is a 16 year old idiot in 2001, but surely she'd know that in the 24th century this wouldn't be funny to anyone, let alone in the 28th ... or was it 29th. God this episode's long.

Jessie quickly calmed down so James and the two guys let go of her. Suddenly she collapsed, luckily James was there to catch her. Everyone realised what had happened, the shorter guy from the pub had stabbed her in the back. He giggled hysterically for no reason.

And there it is.

A huge moment in FV and it's all in one sodding paragraph. Fanbloodytastic.

And yes, it's still not that time.

In: "Great, lets rock 'n' roll!" Jacqueline's voice said.

"How did she ever become Captain?" Tom asked himself.

You ask this knowing the rest of the Erona crew? lolfool

"I'm only reading three lifesigns that are our people, the other one is dead," Tani replied.

No, there's nothing related missing here. We have the paragraph, a tiny firefight against the prison shields, then this. Don't you love it?

"Tell Jess to get to Sickbay, she's the closest person we have to a medic," Jacqueline said to Tony.

Oh this won't be confusing at all!?!?!?!?!?!

Wtf, Erona's Jessie is an Engineer. You only did this because "£!£%"$^%E&^

"I accidentally beamed another guy up here, he's dead too," Vicky said.

WHY

no really

WHY

god, this review's gonna be HUGE when I finally can complain about this part of the story.

Tony and Jessie (the Erona's one that is) rushed into the room.

SEE, WHY DID YOU DO THIS. COS F$$$ YOU, THAT'S WHY

"Where did this other guy come from?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, and what happened to him?" Harry asked. They both looked at James who tried to look innocent. Erona's Jessie scanned the guy.

OMG ME TOO! James' Out Of Character Bulls***: 2

I'll explain. It's not what you think.

Also getting flashbacks to Fear, almost like it was copy and pasted from it.

"He's been stabbed, twice. I'll revive him after the other one," she said.

Stay tuned for garbage.gif

"Well, he was the one who killed Jessie, he deserves whatever he gets," James replied.

"You didn't answer my question," Harry said.

Mmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"I think he did. Did you kill him?" Emma asked.

"I might of," James replied.

James Kill Count: 1

Okay. Back to James' Out of character etc... point. Here's the sequence of events that we know of;

Hysterical laughter gay man who hit on James, stabs Jessie abruptly in the back. James catches her and the HLGM does what he does best, laughs hysterically.

The Erona attempt to rescue the Voyager inmates, but finds one has died.

The Erona idiots beam them and a nearby other dead person to Sickbay.

Dead person is revealed to be HLGM

James stands there with I'm gonna assume a childish pet lip and wide eyes, or whistles nonchalantly, so no one would suspect him. Whatever your "looking innocent" poison is.

HLGM has been stabbed twice.

James is like "he killed Jessie, so f$$$ him."

Emma sees the "subtle" clues and asks, "did you do this?"

James shrugs a maybe/whatever.

So James was apparently pissed off enough to stab a guy to death, and bare in mind during this scene Jessie's still classed as dead, but he's like LALALAWASN'T ME for a few seconds, then turns into "whatever" guy.

So bloody jarring I have to say.

ANYWAY may I remind you that we're on the Erona, the 400 years more advanced than Voyager ship, when this goes down:

"I hate to interrupt but we have a problem," the Erona's Jessie said.

"What?" everyone asked.

"I'll beam her to your Sickbay, I have to revive my other patient," the Erona's Jessie replied.

*twitch*

"Yeah, we're going too, I doubt the Captain is going to be very happy with you," Harry said.

"Do you think I even care?" James asked.

"No, but I don't care either," Harry replied.

THEN WHY BRING IT UP, OHSNAPWANNABE GUY? NO OH SNAP FOR YOU

"I can understand the problem. She was stabbed in the worse possible place, I'm afraid if we don't do something fast the child will die," the Doctor said.

WELL I DON'T UNDERSTAND SO FU

"There are two alternatives. One, put it in stasis, two, put it in another woman for the time being," the Doctor replied.

HAHAHAHA

Remember the options earlier? HOW CLEVER, THEY HAVE NO CHOICE NOW, YAY WHAT A TWIST *sarcasm machine auto destructs*

Next line:

"I volunteer," B'Elanna said.

Last time on Marill Re-Reads

B'Elanna was lying on the biobed, Tom was standing next to her and he was holding her hand. She suddenly screamed out again and so did Tom, she almost crushed his hand. They both heard a baby crying.

OH NM FORGOT SHE WAS PREGNANT

PS REMEMBER THIS SCENE IN EXACTLY ONE EPISODE'S TIME

IT'S F$$$$$ HILARIOUS

And now the conclusion

Yeah

Why not, she has room

That's totally how it works

What's scary is that this wasn't done on a whim. I didn't write myself into a corner. THIS WAS PLOTTED IN AS FAR BACK AS AT LEAST "TOO Q" IN SEASON ONE

I'm sure my excuse was "it's the 24th century, I'm sure they can figure something out to make this work." Let's forget the Erona not being able to do anything. OR that poor present day Marill has to reboot this someday.

"You can put the child in me, I'll look after him or her until one of you tell me other wise," B'Elanna said.

Oy hush, plot devices don't talk!

I promise you now, this is not how the scene will go.

"So, I've already got one child, another one is not much of a difference," B'Elanna said.

GOSH, THIS IS A BIT OF A HUMDINGER. I'M SURE TOM WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS. WHAT A MORALE DILEMM...

"What about Tom, he'll find out," James said.

"We'll worry about that later, just do it," B'Elanna said.

OH I FORGOT THIS IS EARLY FIFTH VOYAGER, NM CRISIS AVERTED LOL

Though to be fair they don't have time to chat. Sure Jessie's dead but the baby isn't, time's of the essence. As for the "Tom will find out" issue, badly foreshadowed earlier by Jessie just like the stasis/surrogate options, it's sad that this is how it's written. There is something there, it's daft but it's there in primarily the latter half of Season One. Then there's the earlier reasons Jessie told the Doc that have seemingly been forgotten about, hmph.

This baby surrogacy plotline actually had some potential, which I intend to show when I ever get to Season Two's reboot. It's a shame because the way it is right now it's unbelievable and silly, and if it were in the hands of anyone else it'd be a good story.

Captains Log Supplemental: The Erona has brought us back to our own time. The Doctor is still treating Crewman Rex so I am left with only one problem to sort out.

DAMN IT DOCTOR I DON'T NEED A MEDICAL

"I only have one question to ask you, why did you kill that man?" Kathryn asked.

I'M SICK OF THE BOBBLE JOKES... GOD DAMN IT THEY NEVER DIE

"You can't blame me for being angry. He just stabbed her for no reason, what would you have done?" James replied.

*twitch*

THROW BOB... DAMN IT MARILL, IT'S WHAT JANEWAY WOULD'VE DONE

UM, TOOK OUT THE GARBAGE?

"No, I can't blame you for being angry, but killing the murderer was going a little too far. For this you'll be rejoining Tuvok's discipline class you got out of four years ago. Dismissed," Kathryn said.

lolpreferentialtreatmentforeshadowing

Yet the people who replicate coffee are thrown in the brig for life. Though to be fair there's no room for James, what ya going to do *shrug*

And yeah the prequel reference isn't fourth wally, gotta give credit where it's due

James headed out. "Ensign," Kathryn said quickly. "The Doctor told me about Jessie's pregnancy and everything. As you know a similar thing happened to me and my best friend years ago, so if you need any advice, don't hesitate to talk to me," Kathryn said.

Wait whut?

1) The Doctor broke the oath to tell Janeway about the pregnancy? Good job Doc!

2) Something... similar? I mean yeah James and Jessie have Love Spell and booze amnesia, but still they did the deed when no one else did, which has to mean something (ah Upendi and Fair Haven, you sneaky foreshadowers). You and Chakotay got the mystical pregnancy trope. I also don't remember any pro-life garbage cluttering their story or WHAT IF TOM FINDS OUT dilemmas. Or murder for that matter... sorry Jane, I'm not getting your similar.

3) Seriously, why is Janeway being so nice to a crewmember who stabbed someone? She may as well have ruffled his hair, told him not to do it again and to run along, little scamp. I've been joking about the foreshadowing as I thought it was pre-mature but now I'm not so sure.

"Come in," Kathryn said. Chakotay walked in holding a bottle of whisky.

"Hello, Ensign, I didn't think you'd be here," Chakotay said.

WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO NICE TO...

OH

YEAH, BE NICE TO THE MURDERER. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET ON HIS BAD SIDE

I GET IT NOW

WHO CARES FOR THAT NOW, J/C BABEH

"It's an apology present. I was hoping you would come to dinner tonight, I'm sure Morgan wouldn't mind baby-sitting Kiara for a while," Chakotay said. Kathryn stood up and she walked up to him.

"I'd love to," she said and she kissed him on the cheek.

Okay what's sparked this making up? I'm serious. Who cares J/C are overdue a shippy scene when everyone else has had at least one. James should kill people more often.... cough COUGH

The Doctor looked pleased with himself like he usually did after a successful operation.

"I take it everything went well," James said.

NO, EVERYONE IS DEAD *second sarcasm machine runs off* NOOOOOOOOOOO

"A little hungry, I'll have to think of a way to tell Tom that I'm pregnant again, of course he doesn't know that it isn't ours and I'll make sure it stays that way," B'Elanna said.

WHY?

I'M SURE TOM WILL THINK NOTHING OF IT WHEN AFTER THE LABOUR YOU HAND THE KID TO ANOTHER COUPLE

NO ONE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH HAVE THEY

"I heard about what you did to that guy, I didn't think you had it in you," Jessie said.

DAMN IT, JESSIE'S STOLEN MY SARCASM MACHINE! GIVE IT BACK I NEED IT

Lol but no seriously, what with all the alterations made to James since (and technically before in the prequels) WHY IS THIS LINE STILL HERE? I get other characters saying it, but Jessie should know better. edittime sheesh, I'm surprised there's anything left of this episode now.

"I wonder what the hell is going on. Danny's pregnant with twins, a few unknown crewmembers are pregnant too, and rumour has it that B'Elanna's pregnant again," Tani said.

"It's true, I heard her telling Tom in Engineering this morning," Lilly said.

Come on rookie mistake. Don't tell Tom until you start getting the contractions. Then say "oh, it's not ours. Didn't I tell you?" He'll be too worried to care. I'M A GENIUS, LISTEN TO MARILL

"Hi," everyone but Tani said, she just glanced at Jessie evilly. She and James sat down near Morgan.

Oh Tani, this is not your season. cough

"He came to the ready room with a bottle of whisky, it was rather embarrassing being there," James said.

Well that's what you get for stabbity stabbity

In: "Tuvok to Stuart, I was expecting you to be on time for the class, please report to the cargo bay," Tuvok's voice said.

Oh yeah, this "class"

I'm sure from the next episode onwards it's basically a security team where the naughty kids go. Sure a discipline class makes more sense, but James on a Security Team was a much needed change and was rife for potential. No regrets there.

"Crap, I forgot about that. See you later guys," James said. He and Jessie stood up again. She kissed him on the cheek and she sat back down again.

BLOODY HELL

SEASON TWO PLEASE, STOP, I DON'T NEED ANOTHER COUNTER

Screw it, amending one instead:

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: 1 (I'll quickly do a new total at the end)

This kinda cheapens (minor spoilers) Disconnected's. Really. Not joking. I like that moment even if it isn't completely original.

"You kissed him, why?" Morgan asked.

"It's one of my ways of saying good luck, okay," Jessie replied.

OMG WHERE'S THE EXTREME DENIAL, WHERE'S THE SCREAMING BANSHEE

Jessie's Sin Points: +1

"So you'd do that for anyone," Craig said.

I was just going to call the same thing out, but hey lol

Will Tom ever find out who B'Elanna's baby's real parents are?

No, no he/she won't, he'll raise James and Jessie's kid till he dies. The kid, now 45 is pissed and has inherited both parents blood lust, it doesn't end well. It's a sad tale.

Who else will find out about it?

Who else? Hopefully Seven, then James will get stabbity again

Are Kathryn and Chakotay back together permanently this time?

STOP PLAYING WITH MY J/C HEART

Will Danny cope with twins?

No one cares about Danny's twins, there's nothing interesting or twisty about it.

All will be revealed in the next episode of Fifth Voyager!!

ONLY ONE OF THEM THINGS IS ANSWERED, SCREW YOU NEXT TIME ON FV GIMMICK

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 66 (196)

Sexist Crap Count: 1 (6) - I had to give it one for the James going to Sickbay to override Jessie's wishes bit. God I hate that scene as much as World Domination.

Jessie's Sin Points: Earned 2, Lost 5 (-1) (Note: I still have Season One's numbers to add/minus from this, so she's not in the clear yet)

Morgan the Sue Count: 0 (13)

Seven Dies Count: 1 (7)

James Kill Count: 1 (2)

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: AMENDED. I've changed this from its initial meaning, which was characters shipping other characters. It seems like I was trying to make up for my eeewgross attitude for writing romance scenes by going OTT with adding them. This will only score incidents that are clearly forced/not necessary to the story. So with that in mind I need to recount the last two episodes:

Thrown Key Part 2: Morgan/Craig, James/Jessie and Seven/Doc's scenes at the end (3), Danny's James/Jessie matchmaking (1 point for every scene so 4). Total 7

The Love Spell: Morgan/Craig's near kiss (1) Total 1

Interactions: J/C sudden make up co-starring kiss cheeking (1) Jessie kisses James on the cheek for "good luck" (1). Seriously, this cheek kissing is getting out of control! I'm going to count Doc and Danny's "I figured you'd be happy" type reactions in this (1). Total 3

Total: 11

OMG ME TOO! James' Out Of Character Bulls***: 2 (10)

Just A Little Bit More: 1 (5)

Lilly Ex Machina: 0 (1)

Yep I've swapped things around, sorry for any confusion. It made more sense for the score to be last in these things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

1) Dumbo jokes are back.

2) James' prequel tales and personality switch would give anyone whiplash

3) Jessie is sick for a month, and fine James isn't keen on disrespecting Jessie's wishes about not being seen which is nice of him (and in character, w00t), but it's still been a month. I'd be getting her some help.

4) Both the Doc and Danny make the ridiculous mistake of thinking that either James or Jessie will be happy with this news. Thankfully FV doesn't make J/J happy and accept it by the episode end. Though the cheek kiss might make it seem so, this story's meant to be on going for a majority of this season. Since it's sorta related, f$$$ Danny for trying to get Jessie to go through with the pregnancy because Danny wants her to. pffffffffffffft

5) The episode was written by a 16 year old that was raised to believe abortion was murder. That 16 year old has since grown up to feel shame for believing that. She's now pro-choice and has tried to edit out all the junk her kid self written, but somehow missed some of Interactions. It's gone now but in all fairness the review's kept it as it was when it was reviewed.

6) Yeah sure James' trip to Sickbay to ask for options behind Jessie's back was influenced by point 5, and I tried to see it as that but all I saw was James putting his beliefs (not that he wants the baby FYI, that would garner a smidgen of sympathy) before the health and happiness of a girl he proves in the same episode he'd kill for. Even early Season One James wouldn't have done this. He's protective of her and that's been a part of his character since at least Holo Q. F&&& that scene.

7) Temporal Game Cube

8) Interactions, or rather the James/Jessie story needed a non Voyager location for the story, and I think another Erona episode named Interactions was on the cards, so the two were chucked in together since the latter had nothing really going for it. Still, however it happened it's wasteful to setup this planet, its politics, its everything and shove it into the background even if it was meant to be. This is FV though, so I should commend the sticking to the plan for once. What a twist.

9) Now I'm not expecting James and Jessie to figure out what to do with their baby in one little scene, in a pub while he's chugging vodka. And I was partially expecting awkward apologies from both sides to make them okay again. However with the way he was acting, how big the situation was and the references to the storyline in the prequels, their making up conversation needed a lot more meat to it.

10) What was up with the market sellers scene? 2/3 of the items were forcing someone to love you crap, and since something like that caused the main strife in this episode, it's really weird. It served no purpose, other than to narrowly foreshadow that James would need something to defend his "friends and family" later.

11) The two creeps hitting on James and Jessie was so, so, SO bad.

12) Now here's the thing. The basic story for this was during a mission where imminent rescue isn't possible, Jessie is stabbed in the back and dies in James' arms. He flips out and kills the one responsible. Because of this there is no choice but to either find a surrogate or let the child die, the kid that both parents hadn't even decided if they were keeping. Since Jessie's unable to make the decision, James has to. Selflessly B'Elanna offers to help, which mostly overrides the decision and also has the future problem of avid J/J shipper/creepster Tom finding out. It's a mess and that's fine, this storyline is not meant to be clean and resolved instantly.

Why the negative then?

Interactions is needlessly bloated. Like its review. Did the pair need to be arrested? Did we need the Marquis/spy plot or was the fight enough incentive to arrest them? Why put them in separate jails if they needed to be together for the final scene? You see what I mean? The story writes itself away from its intended point, and then badly tries to wing it. Oh shoot Jessie's in the women's jail, she needs to be such a threat to them that they'll move her in with the men=add needless taking out the garbage scene. Then the Erona were the ones who had to do the beaming because Voyager couldn't, which makes you wonder "why the f$$$ couldn't a 28/29th century ship save Jessie and the foetus?"

The episode would've made more sense, been less of a tease, and had more time for the intended beefier finale with the surrogacy dilemma and murder aftermath, if the prison sequence was cut out completely. All it'd need is a reason for Jessie's rescue to be delayed, if only for the five minutes. It'd be worth thinking about, but this whole sequence is pretty much canon. Too many references to it all.

13) The actual stab in the back part is too damn "blink and you miss it." I mean sure the death is meant to be so quick no one sees it coming until its happened, but the falling into James' arms, the killer laughing, is all chucked into the same paragraph. Now I wasn't expecting an Aeris dies moment, though how unintentionally similar it is in a basic sense, but an extra paragraph with the reactions wouldn't have ruined the James murder twist/shock.

14) Why did the Erona beam up Jessie's killer? There are better ways of finding out what James did, surely. Him admitting it wouldn't have been dumb, he didn't care that anyone knew (barring that innocent description eugh).

15) As mentioned in 12, the surrogacy scenes are so damn rushed it's painful. They talk about the situation like it's a minor niggle. It's not. James and Jessie have not yet decided if they're having this kid yet, the last scene they discussed this they weren't sure. B'Elanna can't go through a pregnancy without her husband finding out about it, and Tom's not suddenly going to be "oh ok" once the truth is out, no matter when it happens. Nothing about this situation is minor. I planned it so that it would effect things for 3/4 of a season BECAUSE it's a huge, complicated one. Interactions was clearly running so long and/or 16 year old Marill couldn't write a delicate scene if it was already in another show/film for her to copy (OHSNAP).

And the best part is the only issue they really bring up in the scene is "what will Tom think?" Yes this was always part of the reason this happens, it's why Tom was so fanatical about J/J in Season One, why they treat him like crap even when he wasn't. It's not the only reason this goes down the way it does though. Sure James is put on the spot since the baby is dying and they can't wake Jessie in time to ask her what she wants (I dunno why I remembered this situation being like it is in Happy Ever After, as in that episode being history repeating itself, Interactions says nothing of the sort), they've got the baby whether they want him/her or not. Then there's the stuff that Jessie mentioned in the beginning, with references to the prequels. Yup. This scene needed more than "What if Tom finds out?" "He'll never find out from me, his own wife."

16) Abrupt J/C reconciliation is abrupt.

17) James is treated like he only told that salesman to piss off, not that he murdered somebody. Spoilers: It makes the reactions in Disconnected seem a little sudden/off.

Sub-total: 17

Positives:

1) Had to laugh at the "everyone is in Sickbay" bit.

2) At least all the references to the prequels are part of the dialogue, and not fourth wall rubbish. A bit forced sometimes but I'll let this off since it's clear I tried.

3) It's not a perfect scene but Jessie's panic over the pregnancy and the improvised tale she tells to explain her anxiety, and her wishes to abort, I feel worked quite well. It creates some intrigue for the prequels as well, another plus, especially since again she doesn't tell the whole story and bodges it quite a bit. ALSO with the prequels existing now anyone reading through the series chronologically, or re-reading this after, will do so with a better understanding as to why she freaks out. For me, it hit hard.

4) I also like how the father isn't automatically assumed to be James just because.

5) Despite negatives 5 and 6, Jessie's never demonised for wanting an abortion.

6) The scene was edited I'm sure, but whatever, James finding out and their brief fight is brutal in the way it is meant to be. Kudos.

7) Love that little foreshadowing with the "protect your friends and family/loved ones" shield the salesman was trying to pawn off to James. Ouch.

8) Despite a few setbacks earlier, Modern James arrives, for the most part. Sure, he's punching and killing, but I miss the sarcastic witty asshole with a tragic past. Soon. I hope.

9) I dunno why Seven/Annika is accused of witchcraft and tied to a stake on a more advanced than Voyager planet (a pre-warp one, sure!). I don't care though, that s$$$'s funny to me BECAUSE it's so random.

SPOILERY Positives:

10) "I'm not your sister". Intended or not, hilarious foreshadowing

Sub-total: 10

Marill's Rating: 37%

Yeah I thought despite its issues it would beat the previous two. No surprises here.

Rankings So Far:

#1 Interactions: 37%
#2 Thrown Key Part 2: 23%
#3 The Love Spell: 10%