Marill Re-Reads Fair Chance Part 1

This old Kidz Trek refugee was originally going to be a later season's cliffhanger/premiere, however the amount of seasons changed and so it was put forward. Fortunately the original Season Three's premise when the series was going to be an 8+ season series, was a character only one. Every character would have an episode revolving around them. It wasn't a huge loss to skip by that. Really, nothing of value was lost. Anything that was worth it (or not as it turned out, hello Turn Back Time) were kept anyway.

Back to Fair Chance. Its premise is a bit, I'll say weird. By this time I'd cancelled Kidz Trek and its related mini series with Mercury in its name, and so had already buggered up the KT side of it in Heiress (or heck earlier than that). That should've killed Fair Chance and "Mercury"'s inclusion before they begun. Trouble was FC had the long planned out introduction of two main characters (one of whom was actually on the cast list from the beginning), stuff happens that was planned in and wouldn't go anywhere else quite so easily. It needed to stay. I think the episode really suffers since I probably didn't want to write it at all. From what I remember Part 1 was just ok with a bit of weird edge, while Part 2 wanted to challenge Aggressions Part 2 on its pointless dump the plot annoyingness.

Sooo not looking forward to this one. What I do remember isn't good. All except one bit, the cliffhanger which I kinda like even if it's not original. Lets end Season Two how it began, with half of a poor two parter. Hey, at least this one's the better half!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The episode starts out promising with Virus setting up a performance in the Mess Hall. Oh and Lena's blonde. Of course she is, gotta tick that off the list.

Peter the S$$$head Taylor, or Shuttle Fodder for shorter, senses this and hurries in with a guitar and some sort of stick, hoping that if he breaks James' knees he won't dance cos only women and gays do that, and instead shouts hardcore metal songs about being manly. Clearly he never read Bittersweet.

Lena looked at Jessie. "Who's the old guy?"

Jessie was about to reply, but James answered for her. "Crap, I thought he'd be gone by now."

Okay he just comes in, ruin my "fun"

"That's no way to speak about your father," Peter said.

HIT HIM AGAIN

no actually, GO LENA, SUE YOUR ASS OFF

"I thought he told you to stay away.." Jessie said.

"I know, I'm proud of him," Peter said.

go home and away Peter, you're drunk

wait. no that's not right. go home and away Peter, you must be stoned OOC imposter. no one's falling for it.

"The way you defended your family, that's the way I've always wanted you to be," Peter replied.

Maybe he's dying? pleaseplease (heis, but don't know it yet. 3 to go mwahahhaha)

Pfft. Barely a scene in and Fair Chance charges in to ruin Man Out Of You's pretty bleak but effective ending with this claptrap. Yeah sure Peter would be happy James did this, but he wouldn't be done and/or instantly converted dad of the year.

Lena pushed another strand of hair back. "Duh, we're a band and we're going to perform."

"My son's in another band," Peter muttered.

OH LOL I forgot about that little nugget. yeah probably cos I took it out thinking it'd be fine cos I never mentioned it.

Don't worry you're not missing much. I'm not remembering much about it either, two birds!

Peter rolled his eyes, and he headed for a table. He watched as the band performed 'Chain Reaction'.

Hopefully hearing his son sing "you make me tremble when you "follow" slower..." might finish the old coot off for good. fingers crossed.

wait, they're doing Steps songs? Are we over the split already? wowsers

Tom walked in the room, and he sat down at Peter's table. "Hi, you don't mind if I sit here?"

oh boy this could go either way.

"The Captain wants to know if you're staying or leaving," Tom said.

Peter glanced at him briefly. "Staying, if I leave I'll have nothing. Here I have a family, even though they all hate me."

Tom tried to say something comforting, but he couldn't think of anything. Instead he just watched the band perform.

and it went in a third direction. thanks!

why ask Tom to do this (I bet she didn't, Tom's probably snooping)

 The room was very busy, so there was hardly anywhere to sit. Faye eyed Peter's table.

"There's room on that table," she said.

"I'd rather sit on the floor," Jessie grumbled.

Yeah um, I'm Faye and if this is Faye at early 20's, then she'd rather sit on the floor too than ask to sit at an occupied table

Lena, Craig, Triah, Faye and Naomi ignored her remark, and they sat down at Peter and Tom's table.

Okay fine Triah, Faye and I guess Craig cos he's been a jealous asshat lately, but Lena? She's a close friend of theirs and sure as hell knows what he did, unless she's going over to lay a smackdown then this is a slap in the face.

Peter noticed Jessie and James standing as far away as they could. He sighed, and he headed out of the room. James and Jessie then sat down at the table.

the only decent thing Peter does in his lifetime, I'm glad you were there to see it

"You two act like a bunch of kids," Lena muttered as she chewed on her hair. The rest of the band, and Tom, watched her.

Um it's been a while so I'm a bit rusty

F$$$ OFF LENA

She's been told ffs, she knows. James isn't comfortable and probably afraid to sit with his dad, and hell yeah that's expected and normal. best friend Jessie is on his side figuratively and literally. But in Lena's eyes choosing to not sit with an abusive prick who recently assaulted their son as well is childish??

F$$$ OFF LENA AND STOP MENTIONING YOUR SODDING HAIR, NO ONE CARES

"I'll tell you exactly. I can finally start calling you Barbie Girl, since you now have long blonde hair," Tom laughed. The rest of the band laughed with him.

Ha, Tom is useful for once

"Holy crap!" Jessie yelled, breaking the silence. Everyone at the table jumped a mile, and they stared at her.

lol I thought this was something else. you might've as well

"It felt like something was moving inside of me, and whatever it was must of hit me in the stomach or something," Jessie replied.

God damn it, James' badass offscreeness is genetic, poor Jessie

but yeah, the baby's just kicking.

"I think I'll go to Sickbay anyway, just in case," Jessie muttered and she stood up. She quickly left through the nearest door. James followed her, and so did Tom.

Lena continues to chew her hair

and for once I'm 100% serious

"Of course you'd say that," Jessie said.

"What? What do you mean by that?" Tom asked.

"Remember in the last episode, you screamed when you heard the news. You must know that something is wrong and you don't want me to find out," Jessie replied.

oooph, lucky for Jessie she's a) no longer got a Sin Counter, and b) had two pregnancies that ended traumatically and so is ultra paranoid

but then this happens

Jessie groaned, and she held her hand out. "Fine, if you think this is no big deal, why don't you feel for yourself."

James hasn't had a go yet..that sounds wrong... but still

Tom looked nervously at James. He gave him a similar look himself. 

are you sure they're not looking bemused, cos I am

 "Oh come on, you should be the last person to be nervous because of this," Tom said in annoyance. James just shrugged. Tom rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I'm telling you, it's nothing."

I'm still so very bem/confused

Jessie rolled her eyes too, and she grabbed Tom's hand. She guided his hand to her stomach. Tom blushed slightly in embarrassment. He managed to pull his hand away. "I told you, it's nothing. I was right."

oh I see what you're doing here and I'm not amused, I'M BEMUSED

Jessie stopped suddenly, and she turned around to face the two guys. "Would you two stop following me, I'm only going to Sickbay."

um, only, you were the one panic running to Sickbay, and of course James is going too.

Tom glanced at James, and he nodded his head. "Don't believe me, check for yourself," Tom said.

Jessie overheard, and she turned around. "Good idea." She held her hand out again. James took it, and she guided his hand to her stomach. After a few seconds, James jumped a little.

"That's definitely familiar," James said.

so many facepalms, so little face and palms

Can someone tell me what's happening here?

Tom laughed, and he shook his head. "And you seem to know what a kick feels like, how?"

EXCELLENT QUESTION

Jessie didn't recognise it and it's happening TO HER ffs, come on!

Jessie and James looked at each other, and they both visibly cringed. "Damn," they both said.

Tom shook his head again. "You only had Duncan a month, he was far too young to kick, unless you've been.."

"Ok, ok, it's true," Jessie muttered.

so many objections

If they know what a baby kick feels like, having done this all before ages ago, what was all that naive commotion about?

anyway since everything's coming out now

"Remember the ceremony thing almost six years ago," James said.

"Yeah, but I don't remember anything... oh my god!" Tom stuttered.

well I would hope not, you shouldn't have been there!!!

"No, no, no, I'm not going to skit you for this," Tom said.

"Are you feeling ok?" James asked.

good thing they're already going to Sickbay

"Cheeky b****rd. I don't know why, but skitting you two doesn't seem fun anymore," Tom replied.

Jessie and James looked at each other nervously. Tom grew a nervous look on his face as well.

Tom flees, hopefully to Sickbay

I have a reasonable answer that I'm sure isn't the actual answer; it's no fun when they're no longer hiding anything

Lena finally got sick of chewing her hair

AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING

only for a few seconds as past me thinks its very appropriate to once again hint at a pairing between Lena and the character who was the erm... Tani/Marill rival ex-friend etc in Why oh Why. I know I was trying to separate him from that, redeem him somewhat but this is not it.

"I know this is a silly question, but has she gotten over that Jimmy, or whatever his name is?" Ash Ketchum asked.

or hint at a pairing between him and Tani?

excuse me while I jump off a bridge or something

"That's good, cos I got an idea that won't fail," Ash Ketchum said.

"I'm listening," Lena said.

"Ooh a plan, let me hear it," Stevaaaaaaaaaaaay said as he came up behind his brother.

I thought he'd died off screen, interesting. Revoking a James kill count

"Well erm, Lena mentioned once that Janeway suggested that Tani should get a boyfriend or something. You know, to take her mind off James. I think we should do some matchmaking," Ash Ketchum said.

hmm, deciding whether to put the snoozing picture or the playing with dolls gif. They both apply.

"Yeah, but I'm no good at matchmaking. You two should do it, let me know how it goes," Lena said, and she walked past the two brothers. Stevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay sniggered as he looked at his brother. He was watching Lena until she disappeared around the corner.

Ash looked at his brother in annoyance. "What?"

"She chose the wrong hair colour, didn't she Ash? Blonde's always been your greatest weakness," Stevaaaaay replied.

oh, right the first time. better than Tani but still really really bad

the rest of the scene is just Stevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay and Ash arguing over the new crush and I'm like kill me now

"That's hard to believe. I'll ask them later," Harry muttered.

"I've been skitting them for nearly eight years, things like that grows boring after a while," Tom said.

Yeah we all know what's happening here and it's crap in so many ways.

"I don't know what happened Harry. I felt like I was going to insult them about the whole baby kicking thing, but that idea just seemed pointless after I felt the kick for myself. It wasn't worth insulting I guess," Tom said.

you know I'd buy it if I didn't know any better, it'd be a nice character development moment too. shame it's not true

Especially when he chooses new targets Emma, Claire and Evil C. this guy's a glutton for death

Tom encourages a writers appearance. Look I had no delusion that Man Out Of You was the start of the series getting better again, it's a glitch in the matrix until at least episode 6 of Season Three.

"For calling us useless, lets do those small scenes that Vulpix suggested," Marill said.

yeah right, that scene was already happening, I've seen the proof you stupid stupid girl

"Hi Emma," Harry said.

"Oh, hi Harry," Emma said.

"Erm, I was just wondering.. erm well.." Harry stuttered.

Okay, this episode so far is only Lena fiddling with her stupid blonde hair, Peter's concussion, and

B'Elanna placed her hand on the banister. "I need to tell Tom something, but for some reason I don't have the nerve."

ANYONE WANT TO TAKE A WILD GUESS, I'LL GIVE YOU 1/1 ODDS

"I haven't seen Doctor Jones yet, but I think I might be expecting our second child," B'Elanna replied.

WOOHOO YOU WIN, HERE'S YOUR MONEY BACK, THAT WAS SO WORTH IT

Emma arrives to chat with Harry and I double check this is actually Fair Chance not Hollyoaks or Corrie

"Well, erm I was just wondering if you'd, er, like to go to the Holodeck tonight," Harry said, he blushed crimson red.

now ok this pairing I have no issue. real Emma likes Harry, it's fine.

For a reason they couldn't figure out, the two of them were getting closer and closer to each other. They were just an inch away when they felt something come up between them. They backed off when they saw what it was.

"Wobbuffffffeeeeeet!" Wobbuffet yelled.

Oh yeah, this, this becomes important *Gag* yeah

 "Eeew!" they both moaned. Both of them got away from each other as quickly as possible. What they didn't realise was that B'Elanna had witnessed the whole thing.

Well someone's going to have to do all the denying now that J/J's out of the couple/baby closet

"Yeah, that's what I heard off B'Elanna," Lena was saying.

"God, it must be true. She doesn't make up stuff like that," Jessie said.

FFS WHEN'S FAIR CHANCE STARTING

THIS IS SO BORING

Everyone noticed Wobbuffet was watching him and Claire, like if it was waiting for something.

yeah yeah, I'm sure near everyone knows what Wobbuffet's gimmick in this one is. We don't need it shoved in our faces

The Ready Room:

Ok, I'll set the scene for you. Kathryn and Chakotay were giving the J/Cers something to be happy about. Yep, they were erm, cough, making out. Damn this Cherry Coke.

um

Okay this episode's now called Pair Chance... look I dunno

And yes Wobbuffet interrupts this as well, you get nothing for guessing that obvious thing

"And what were we doing?" Kathryn asked in disgust.

then again, Wobbuffet's actual gimmick is not interrupting, it's making pairings feel grossed out afterwards for no reason. OMG IT'S SECRETLY MARILL, I'M ONTO YOU

"We are, but that making out line the writers wrote made it seem more er, disgusting than it already was," Kathryn said.

sigh

"Commander, I'm detecting something odd," Tom said

pleasebeplot

"It's a Borg transwarp conduit... and it isn't a Borg ship coming towards us," Harry replied.

"Can you tell who's using the transwarp conduit, Lieutenant?" Tuvok asked.

YESITSPLOT

"Commander," Tom said. Everyone looked up at the viewscreen. They saw a conduit opening, and a pyramid shaped ship flying out of it.

"Red Alert," Tuvok commanded. The lights died down, the siren started, and the red lights started flashing.

isn't that cute, the Borg have a new ship shape

The viewscreen activated, showing the interior of the Tolg ship. "We are the Tolg. You will be zombified, resistance is useless." The viewscreen switched off.

oooph, is my face red

no

"The conduit the Tolg arrived in, it's still open. We can go through it to escape," Tom said.

"That Tolg ship will just follow us, Tom. Besides we don't know where it leads," Chakotay pointed out.

chakotay says no

The Engineering console exploded. James, Jessie and Lena got hit by the blast, and they were thrown backwards. Tom and Chakotay rushed over to them. Tom checked their pulse's. He looked up at Chakotay.

"James and Jessie will live, but..." Tom stuttered. Kathryn stood up as another blast rocked the ship.

they really need to retire that console, it always blows up and kills people.

I mean NO NOT LENA

AND WTF JAMES SURVIVES

JESSIE IS PREGNANT AND SHE SURVIVES THIS

WHAT BIZARRO UNIVERSE IS THIS

Chakotay stood up angrily, and he turned to Kathryn. She was physically shaken up.

"Mr Tuvok, prepare the tri-cobalt devices," Kathryn ordered.

bwahahahaha

nice try, NICE try

Everyone watched as the weapons hit the hull of the Tolg ship, there were a couple of explosions, and the ship was blown in half. A shockwave erupted from the blast.

"Captain, we have to get out of here," Tom said.

"Set a course for the conduit, Lieutenant," Kathryn commanded. Everyone stared at her in shock. "Do it!"

Yeah um, if the tri-cobalts were this good, just why were they never used again? cos they don't have any left, that's why... ithink

Voyager flew into the conduit, but pieces of the Tolg ship followed them in.

"Captain, several pieces of the Tolg ship have been pulled into the conduit," Tuvok said.

THANKS FOR THAT, I DIDN'T KNOW

"What's our position?" Kathryn asked.

Harry worked at his station. He stared at it in shock, and he looked up at Kathryn. "I don't believe it Captain, but according to our sensors, we're only one hour away from Pluto," Harry replied.

How interesting that the series which was created because of Lena ends right after she dies

Kathryn looked saddened. "But at what cost."

I assume James and Jessie failed to teach her immortality. oh well

Kathryn tried to stop herself from breaking down in tears, but it didn't work. Chakotay tried to comfort her, but nothing seemed to help. They both hugged each other.

"This isn't right, Doc, she is a main character," Tom said.

"You can't expect everyone to stick around in a Season finale, Tom, you know how it goes," Doctor Jones muttered. He sighed, and he went to treat his other patients.

yeah no matter how hard this tries, this does not feel genuinely permanent. I can't put my finger on it. maybe it's tooooo serious?

In: "Captain, the remains of the Tolg ship, something strange is happening to it."

ohnoes it's an upside pyramid now?

The viewscreen activated, this time it showed a damaged corridor. They saw hurt drones in the background.

I guess we'll never know, or the strange is that they're being hailed from floating debris.

A female drone, who looked about seventeen appeared on the screen.

She's a teenager, so you know she's destined for the main cast list

"Nine of Twelve, secondary processor of Unimatrix 08, but my real name is Nichola. We require your assistance," the female drone said.

"Why should we give you assistance?" Kathryn asked angrily as she and Chakotay stepped onto the Bridge.

"Our battle severed our link with the Tolg Collective," Nichola replied.

Voyager loves them Borg refugees, but the Tolg, nah get that s$$$ outta here

All of the main cast, excluding Lena, Jessie, James, and Duncan, were at the table. Also there was Evil C and Nichola.

Oh looks like Duncan's now in the main cast list too

"As you may know, the Tolg Collective was created in the Seventh Dimension before the Boss took over it. In recent years half of the collective has been in other Fifth Dimensions, trying to find one that was free of Seventh Dimension species. We thought that your Dimension was free of them," Nichola said.

um

I'm confused

It's also yet more proof that the FANFIC DIMENSIONS explanation for the Fifth dimension never should've been used. Seventh Voyager existed, the original boss and his people existed, original Voyager is either First or another Fifth not a bloody Third, and OMG MY HEAD HURTS

forget this, the only important part is here

"So the Tolg decided to take half refuge in this dimension. However, less than two months ago our space was invaded by Seventh Dimension Federation ships. When the collective detected your ship in the Delta Quadrant, they thought it was a Seventh Dimension ship," Nichola said.

Lena's ears would be burning at this ott exposition, if she weren't already dead

lol look at Fair Chance making it seem like Nichola here is the replacement. good one!

"But Damien hasn't really been up to that much bother up to now, why start attacking the Tolg?" Harry asked.

I guess you're gonna gloss over the part where she said "Federation ships"... SHIPssss plural. He doesn't even have Seventh Voyager anymore. It's not a spoiler, she bloody tells them and they don't register it at all

"It's ok, all the drones on our ship were zombified on Mercury," Nichola said.

"Mercury, no one can live there," Tom said.

lol here we go. I'll let Fair Chance explain it as it's doing such a bang up job so far

"I forgot to mention, the Mercury I speak of is in the Liger's home dimension," Nichola said.

"Yeah, the Mercury there is an M-Class planet," Lilly added.

OH OK

"Just some bizarre idea of Marill's," Lilly replied.

I suppose that explanation's the best one you'll ever get, it's so so true.

"After what happened do you really think we're going to help you?" Kathryn said.

"We can pay you back," Nichola said.

"How?" Kathryn asked.

"I'm sure our attack caused a few casualties on your ship, we could help treat any wounded. The Tolg have excellent medical expertise," Nichola replied.

Lena's Ghost: yeah sometime today, this bitch is stealing my job, next she'll be twirling her hair and smacking my kid around

"The Tolg are based on death and stuff, do you really think they'll be able to help revive Lena," Tom said.

Hush Tom, don't bring logic into a FV episode! sheesh

"Actually, the Tolg have a technique to revive the dead, just in case the species they're zombifying is incompatible when the victims can't be zombified when they're already dead," Nichola said.

bwahahahahaha

though I'll let this one pass, once I ignore that weird garbled even for me sentence. I can't seem to word this properly, I think it's messing with my head.

"Actually, the Tolg have a technique to revive the dead. In case the species is incompatible when they're already dead," Nichola said.

A touch better, I think that's what she means

It's sorta right anyhoo. My Borg ripoffs did assimilate a lot like the Borg did, with an infection that kills them. They also nuked planets on their quest to up their numbers. They'd need to know some fancy tricks to heal or revive their victims or they'd have little to none new drones to use.

Plus there was this whole thing in Spirits and Disconnected where it was hinted that they can't enslave everyone. Spirits forgot about that, I apologise I was thinking of the reboot that actually bothered to remember thinking about it...ohwell. They didn't take the people infected with the Spirits alien, far too dangerous and they didn't take Sotjin or whatever he was called as he was more likely to possess and murder everyone on their ships.

Ahem, going way off here

"So will you revive a member of my crew?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes, in exchange for our safe passage home," Nichola replied.

I take it Lena was the only casualty here... pftsnigger yeah right

and please remember this later...PLEASE

"The first thing I'm going go do is see my parents," Harry said.

"Aaw, are you mummy and daddy's boy?" Claire teased.

"Actually, yes," Harry replied.

"I wasn't expecting that," Claire muttered.

lol, actually a bit funny

"Hey guys, we'll be seeing Pluto in ten minutes. I think it's time to celebrate," Tom said, and he pulled out a bottle of vodka. He started drinking it, while everyone watched with nervous expressions on their faces.

uhoh tom drunk noooooooooooooooo, someone hide the penknives

"I think someone else should take the helm," Harry said slowly. Tom agreed by drunkenly falling onto the floor.

heh

"Yeah, right on Harry! I think I'll go to Sickbay," Tom said in a slurry voice, he headed into the turbolift.

"That guy ain't right," Claire muttered.

i wanted to make up something funny, but Claire pretty much summed my response up for me

"You guys were lucky, Lena got it right in the face," Lee said.

"That's nice, will she be ok?" James asked.

Um, wtf Lee and lol James. I know it doesn't say but imagining the face made during the "that's nice" is making me snigger

"I think I'll stay here," James said.

"Great, that means I have to be the one to pick up Duncan from Danny's," Jessie muttered.

and yet despite how much they clearly are grossed out by Danny or whatever, they still pick her to babysit

no wonder Meowth did it that one time.

She was only a metre away from Sickbay when she bumped into a drunken Tom.

OH BOY, STRAP IN FOLKS, IT IS TIME TO RUIN DRUNK TOM WOOHOO FOREVER

it's also time to continue the Jessie is the series's punchbag for some reason show, but shhhh thats a spoiler

it's fine but awkward until Lena is brought up

"Want a hug?" Tom asked and he stretched his arms out.

"No, not really," Jessie replied, and she started backing off.

"Ok, no hug? Are you sure?" Tom asked, and he pouted.

ok it's not thaaaaat bad

"Very sure," Jessie replied, and she backed into the wall by accident.

A drunken Tom stepped closer to Jessie, so there was no escape for her. It looked like he was going to kiss her when something came up in between them

GODDAMNIT

"Wobba!" Wobbuffet yelled.

"Stupid blob!" A drunken Tom yelled.

FFS poor poor Jessie. I think her Sin replacement should be to count how many times she's sexually assaulted. Though then James would need one, and I'm reminded that Jessie should have a Dies counter like he does. It's never too late to add them I suppose. it is in this season so lets carry on

Tom looked around, he saw B'Elanna storming up to him, and James glaring at him from the doorway.

RIP TOM

Jessie patted Wobbuffet on the head. "Thanks," she said. It suddenly grabbed a hold of her in a tight hug. James walked over to her.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"I don't know," Jessie replied.

ok fine Wobbuffet you get this one. aaw

B'Elanna finally got to the others. She slapped Tom in the face, hard. "What do you think you're doing with her! Answer me!" she yelled.

"Er.. it might of had something to do with the vodka I had," Tom muttered.

"That's no excuse! I thought you loved me, obviously I was wrong!" B'Elanna yelled, and she stormed off. Tom tried to follow her.

Ok I feel like it's time to remind everyone of a few things

1) B'Elanna might be pregnant and Tom doesn't know yet

2) Jessie is definitely pregnant and Tom does know it

3) One of these is his wife, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out which

4) He's spent 90% of this season calling the one who isn't his wife a whore because she exists, and might've been dating the guy who impregnated her. So erm

This is even nicer knowing that this was for no reason whatsoever. only DRAMA, doing what I accused Season Three of doing. interesting

"Ok, if you're not going to tell her, are you going to tell us?" James asked.

remember when Simon forced Jessie onto the sofa and tried to smooch her

remember what James did when he walked in on that

sigh

"Is this why you were being nice to us earlier?" James asked.

"What are you talking about?" Tom asked.

make him uncomfortable is the new throwing into a glass table

"You know what I'm talking about, you were nice to her eight years ago when you had that first crush on Jessie," James replied.

Yeah I can say it now

Bulls$$$

Tom doesn't do this. He's a flirt, yes but most of the time he teases the people he likes. Don't try and spin this somewhere else

"You have a funny way of showing it," Jessie said.

"Oh, go and get f***d," Tom said.

There he is, Jessie turned him down in a way so now here comes the misogynist venom.

He turned around to storm off, but somebody grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around.

counter on standby

"Don't you think you're forgetting something," James said.

"Oh, what?" Tom asked. As usual, he was knocked unconscious. James, Jessie and Wobbuffet went back into Sickbay.

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 1

THANK GOD, MY SKIN WAS ITCHY, I WAS SHAKING FROM WITHDRAWALS

what? yes it counts. "he was knocked unconscious". We can't know who hit Tom even if it is bloody obvious

The viewscreen was activated to show the freezing planet known as Pluto.

aaaaaw, look at that cute heart, its so cute and so still a planet so STFU

The ship shook violently, and everyone had to grab onto their stations to avoid falling over. The Red Alert siren went off, and the red lights started flashing.

"What was that?" Claire asked.

"Weapons fire.. Federation weapons fire," Harry muttered in response.

and they didn't see anything until now? Pluto may be a planet but it's not big enough to hide a space battle so close it rocks Voyager around

"According to the sensors, it's registry is NCC-1701-E. It's the Enterprise," Harry said.

Yes sue me, I'm weird, don't pretend you didn't know

Spoiler alert, gaze at Season Three (and Four's) new counter. GAZE DAMN IT

Everyone looked at the viewscreen again. The Enterprise was now firing four blue torpedoes. The ship shook violently again, and the Engineering console blew up.. again.

whoops stop gazing

and lol I'm telling you, that station's cursed

luckily Jessie's "promoted" after this

The viewscreen changed to show the Enterprise bridge, but everyone was shocked when they saw who was on it.

"Hi, remember me?" Phoebe said evilly. She started laughing, and the rest of the crew laughed with her. Their Chakotay stopped.

"I don't get it," he said. Phoebe smacked him on the head.

To be honest, neither do I. What's the joke?

"The originals were. We're all from lots of different Voyagers, but we were given the original's memories and personalities," Phoebe replied.

yeah, this would've been in Return of First Voyager, but I Know What etc done it first for some reason. A reboot would've chucked this into whatever replaced Return, made that the Damien and 7th Lena episode and restored I Know What to Annika's revenge glory. shame. Anyway, lets take a look back for a reminder:

I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE THIS SEASON
"Damien said something about kidnapping crewmembers of various Voyagers to recreate Seventh Voyager," James replied.

"Various Voyagers?" Chakotay said questioningly. Then realisation kicked in. "The dimensional distortions, of course!"

so yes it was planned, they already knew about this, they did nothing/are surprised/forgot about it

"How did you get a hold of that vessel?" Tuvok asked.

"That's not what you should be worried about at the moment. All you should know about this vessel is.. that's it going to kick your sorry butts. Good day," Phoebe replied. The viewscreen switched back to show the ship.

Voyager fired several torpedoes at the Enterprise, the shields fluctuated, and the torpedoes bounced back towards Voyager. All of the torpedoes hit the shields, and the shields disappeared.

LOL, Damien's bulls$$$ shields are back I see

I'm so glad I brought them back for the reboot too

The ship shook violently, and the Tactical station exploded. Tuvok fell to the ground with severe burn wounds on his face and neck. Kathryn knelt down and checked his pulse. She started shaking, and she stood back up.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

itsokay Nichola will revive him like Lena

"Captain, the Tolg. The Enterprise has just destroyed them," Claire said.

oh

aawkward

"If we keep going like this, we'll be destroyed," Harry said as another hit destroyed half of the helm. Evil C didn't get hit by the explosion.

What a haxor

"Good thing I have an idea," Chakotay said as he made his way down to the helm. "Erm, whatever your name is.. take us down to Pluto," Chakotay said.

"We could make it look like we're crash landing on the planet. They may think we've been destroyed, and leave us alone," Chakotay replied.

IT'S TIMELESS TIME

"Captain, I'm detecting transporter activity on all decks!" Harry yelled out. Just as he said that Chakotay dematerialised.

In: "Sickbay to Janeway. Captain, Ensign Stuart and Crewman Rex have just disappeared."

What else is new? I'd be surprised if they weren't kidnapped by Seventh

Harry worked at his station. "Captain, all of the Marquis crew are gone. Also Duncan, Kiara and Naomi have been taken too."

oh. okay??

Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to all hands, we will be landing soon. But because of all the damage we've sustained, it may be a rough landing."

"You forgot to mention who the pilot was," Harry said. Evil C was about to say something but the ship rocked violently as it landed on the ice.

And that's the end of Voyager, it's time for the Fifth/Seventh Enterprise show starring Captains James and Jessie, HURRAY

oops I should've spoiler coloured that and those pics

Kathryn rushed back over to the helm, and she tapped in some commands. The ship finally stopped. "Remember, this ship has landing struts, and that's where the brake button is," she said.

"Fair enough," Evil C muttered.

lol for once he's in character

and omg I can't say just how bad of an idea this was, but it was fine, its so fine I missed the part where they stopped so

"Captain, the Enterprise has gone," Harry said.

"But they have the Marquis crewmembers," Claire said.

Nooooooooo but it's so pretty

er

Nooooo it has the Stuart family and Kiara on it

I'm gutted about both

The Enterprise, one of the Brigs:

The Brig was rather large, it was large enough to fit the entire Marquis crew in.

pfft you're just guessing/Enterprise bragging, nyeh the Enterprise is bigger with everything

except its Sickbay, which is identical

DON'T TELL ME THERE'S ANOTHER ONE, HUSH

"That doesn't matter, you will be taken to Mercury in the Liger's dimension as prisoners of the Seventh Dimension," Phoebe replied.

erm why?

"The planet's actually quite nice, hot but nice. Too bad night time has to come," Seventh Chakotay said.

ho boy, this doesn't make sense with what I know of my Mercury

"Well the device that hides Mercury from people like us is malfunctioning. It keeps blocking out the sun during the day, it gets rather cold so I'm told," Chakotay replied.

oh, shut me up

you know, it doesn't have to malfunction at all to be uncomfortable for the Voyager crew. KT's Mercury wasn't habitable to humans or Ligers, it was for another species but I'm getting ahead of myself

"Lena, I'm glad to see you're ok," Kathryn said.

Lena just smiled at her. Kathryn turned to Nichola.

"What about Tuvok, can you revive him too?" Kathryn asked.

"No, Captain," Nichola replied.

I'M SHOCKED, SHOCKED

"I only had enough Tolg nanoprobes to revive Lena, I need another drone to revive him, but somebody told me that the Tolg ship has been totally destroyed," Nichola replied.

Yeah there's a sad actual reason, not this. At the time I really struggled to write him and it looks like I didn't like him either. I couldn't do anything with him. It's annoying cos I did get the hang of him later in prequels and reboots, but couldn't use him in Season Five. RIP Tuvok, you had no respect whatsoever

"Captain!" Harry yelled to get everyone's attention. Everyone looked his way. "Four Liger ships have just came out of the conduit. Three are the Lillyia ships."

and it gets better

but what's a Mercury episode without the Kidz Trek brats

"Yeah, but I wasn't expecting to meet again like this. The Z6 and Z7 will pull your ship back into orbit," Scot said.

"Z7?" Kathryn said questioningly.

"Our new addition to the fleet, we'll speak to you once you're up here," Scot said. The viewscreen switched itself off.

I know for a fact that once they build the Z9 they're f$$$$, they'll have to think of a new name or a new way to name the Lillyia's. Might have to go into the 10's. The Z series for life

Anyway it's time to find out what the f$$$ is happening, even though we have the general gist: Seventh has expanded to more Federation ships, crewed by AU crew, and they're picking on the Tolg for the luls. Not hard.

"It happened about a month and a half ago, Federation ships kept coming into our dimension and attacking us. It didn't take us long to realise that it was the Seventh Dimension's dirty work," Scot was saying.

I'm struggling to figure out what the Ligers have left in their home dimension at this point. Home island hasn't been mentioned but they were chased from Earth, Venus was blown to bits. anyway

"They have this new weapon that allows them to seriously damage any ship they're up against, and they replace the crew. Rumour has it that the original crew get deposited on our Mercury," James 2 said.

and I suppose it's a coincidence that the Tolg ship was manned by people who apparently lived there and no one else, huh?

probably

"Your Mercury, surely you would know if prisoners are being sent there," a sober Tom said.

"Mercury was taken over by the Seventh Dimension only days after the attacks began, the planet is heavily guarded," Scot said.

No one's still explained Mercury properly. What it is, the supposed species that live there (the only one introduced has a human name, so they're humans right??), why Seventh used it as a giant brig. I'm waiting.

"They probably think Marquis crewmembers would be useful for battle, they might brainwash them. The kids will probably be used as slaves," Scot replied.

So you're saying there's now limits to the brainwashing? Then how were non Marquis crewmembers brainwashed not once but twice to man Seventh Voyager and Enterprise?

HUHHHHHH

"Our Fleet hasn't really come up against the weapon, what does it do?" Scot asked.

"Basically if a ship fires weapons at it, they just bounce back at them, twice the power," Harry said as he read from a PADD.

Ok so the Ligers haven't a clue what the weapon actually does, how it workss etc. Voyager did cos we saw it happen, so you the readers know. But we still need to have it explained for our Liger friends.

goodlord

Lena and Stevaaaaaaaaaay were for some odd reason in Sickbay, talking.

"What were we talking about again?" Lena asked.

goodlordagain, SKIP

"All the times you tried to speak to Tani, you always seemed shy around her. Now I get why," Lena said.

oh of course. Stevaaaaaaaaaaay and Tani, tale as old as Kidz Trek Voyager.

"See you later, Stevee." She then walked out.

IT'S STEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

"Ok, what have I done wrong?" Evil C asked.

Claire laughed. "Nothing, I just wanted to talk."

oh look, more doll playing, SKIP THAT TOO

Meanwhile, Marill's house:

OMG THIS ISN'T A S$$$ CONTEST, STOPIT

Everyone that was in the room earlier, are back in. Also there are Evil C, Ashley, Steve, Carly, and this really evil looking guy.

um *double checks guest star list* WHY THE F$$$ IS PETER IN THIS MEETING

oh you mean Johnny Shentall as Commander Haxon, my bad

"I may as well take temporary command of the Z5 again," Lilly said. Scot looked her way, she just winked at him.

eew

With four Lillyias and a beatdown Voyager, this plan apparently needs individual captains and commanders for each ship... so erm, the Lillyia's not called Z5 don't usually? There's such thing as a fleet commander you know. anyways whocares, it goes as follows:

Z4: Obvious Evil Guy called Haxon
Z5: Lilly and Scot
Z6: James The Third
Z7: Lena

"But she's a good commander, you've let her in charge before, why not now," Kathryn said.

"A good commander? When she's in command of Voyager it either nearly blows up or crashes," Harry said.

Harry, you're good people, I don't expect you to survive the season now

"Come to think of it, we need more exploding and/or crashing action. Lena, you're hired," Lilly said.

Something tells me the Z7 was built a horrible pastel or mushy pea green, so it has to go.

Captains Log Supplemental: Voyager has been repaired and equipped with some new Liger weapons

Sure Jan(e)

On the viewscreen, another Voyager came out of the transwarp conduit.

Kathryn hid her face with her hand again. "If this is the Voyager I think it is, we're doomed."

ohdear

at least we'll get rid of Wobbuffet, right?

"We heard there was a party, so we've come to party," Brock replied.

"Er, ok.. you can join us at our 'party'," Kathryn said. Everyone looked at her with shocked and mortified expressions on their faces.

too bad Lilly, the Z7 isn't going to be your fodder after all

Lilly: Aaaaw *orders red ship paint*

Meanwhile, the Lillyia Z7:

Lena, Tani, Stevaaaaaaaaaay, Ashley, and Bryan was the crew of the fancy new bridge. 

Ah yes, Bryan, the one year old kid. Can't man an alien bridge without him

"Oh I just remembered something, can you two go to Engineering?" Lena asked Tani & Stevaaaaaaaaay.

"Engineering?" Tani said questioningly.

Um, Lena chooses now to matchmake Tani and Stevaaaaaaaay. Oh yes she's a good commander, much great, the bestest

"Wait a minute, you're not.." Ashley said. Lena grinned slyly at him. "He's my brother!"

And we revived Lena instead of Tuvok because????

I'M WAITING

anyway cos Tani and Stevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay are named after James and Jessie's Kidz Trek selves, they can't resist a kiss scene in the turbolift. Lets just forget all that weird stuff about Tani being Marill's avatar in the Why oh Why mess and Stevaaaaaaaaay being the brother of the guy she fell out with, hence causing all of the background controversy.

"Oh come on Ashley, it was just a one off thing," Tani said.

Stevaaay sulked. Nobody noticed.

Tani: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I TRIPPED AND FELL, HE'S MY FRIEND AND ITS GROSS, HE'S A PERV and er... JESSIE HELP ME OUT HERE

Jessie: LOL nope

"Oh for god's sake, aren't we ever going to get to the battle?" Bryan moaned.

"Yeah, it's just the writers want to get all the character stuff out of the way first. The second part will be a lot better," Lena said.

Twice the characters have whinged that this stupid episode is all character crap and barely any plot. I knew and still kept it, and joked about it.

sigh

Maybe Part 2 may be the better half after all

"A few more hits and we'll lose shields!" Harry yelled.

"Tom, we'll have to rely on your piloting skills," Kathryn said.

Tom: *waves up with drool on his chin* er what, no I don't care about making bets on minor characters hooking up

Janeway: Meh, he'll just drive us in a straight line, what's the difference

"Captain, the Z6, it's lost shields!" Harry yelled.

"They're vulnerable, beam the crew to Voyager," Kathryn commanded.

ohnoes, not the yellow ship, those yellow pieces are hard to find

On the viewscreen the Z6 suddenly exploded, creating a shockwave.

Kathryn turned to Harry. "Harry!"

"I've got them, but the last few are seriously injured," Harry said.

so that means James the Third survived. a tad disappointing

The ship shook violently, and the Tactical station exploded. Emma fell to the ground. Harry rushed over to her, and he checked her pulse. Kathryn stood up so she could see what was happening.

Bitch please, we all know that was aiming for Harry after his comment earlier. Don't deny it

this episode desperately needs a new name that says its a doll playing and randomly killing people mess of an episode. It'll come to me.

"We're being hailed by the Z4," Faye said.

Kathryn turned to face the viewscreen. "On screen."

hurray this is the end, the only good part

"Those Liger fools thought I was still Commander Haxon, and they left me in charge of one of their ships. Now that wasn't such a good idea, now was it?" Haxon said and he laughed evilly.

no it wasn't, he was clearly evil, he looked evil so he has to be.

"Who are you?" Kathryn asked.

"I always thought you were a stupid woman. You all should know me as Damien, now surrender Voyager and the rest of the Lillyia Fleet to me.. or I'll destroy you," Haxon said evilly. Dramatic music started, and the camera focused on Kathryn's face. As usual it went too close, and it knocked her unconscious. The screen faded out with the words...

dun dun *yawn* dun

what are those words, to be continued? don't be silly

Is this really how we're going to end the season? Why did that stupid camera spoil the dramatic mood?

haha how cute that you thought it was dramatic. Damien probably did

Will anymore main characters die?

um er, I'd like to ask the audience

Will Voyager and the Fleet be able to get away from Damien this time?

Nope, I already said the series will be following the Enterprise in the next season.

Will the crew rescue the Marquis crewmembers?

See above

How is Mercury an M-Class planet?

Because it just is in another dimension that only split from ours cos some people called themselves Ligers and immigrated to some island in the Pacific to make spaceships. it makes sense god damn it

And why is that Wobbuffet always interfering?

the question is, did Pokémon Voyager take him back

Find out the answers to most of these questions in the next Season of Fifth Voyager!

and Season Two ends how I expected, with a clatter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Counter Results:

Muttered Count: 49 (1745)

Lena the Sue Count: 3 (39) blonde hair obsession, only killed character to be revived, captain of the Z7 cos she's SOoooo good

Annika Dies Count: 0 (11) oh boy part 2's gonna be fun

James Dies Count: 0 (5)

James Kill Count: 0 (4)

James Badasses Off Screen For Our Sins: 1 (18)

Just A Little Bit More: 0 (49)

Sexist Crap Count: 1 (90) for Tom of course

Marill's Playing With Her Dolls Again: I lost count, so erm Tani/Stevaaay, Lena/Ashface, Tom crushing on Jessie, Claire/Evil C, JC make out, Emma/Harry = 6, I hope I didn't forget any (81)

J/C are the worst (grand)parents ever: 0 (42)

Lena (Child)Abuses Her Power: 0 (36)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score:

Negatives:

1) Most of the episode is about the characters, mostly minor, pairing up or trying to. Matchmaking, forced attempted kisses, talking so much about it, creating forced drama. The writers discuss it/a character ends up explaining its meant to be like that. I realise that Fair Chance had to be split in two with a cliffhanger, and unfortunately the amount before the only possible cliffhanger isn't much, but it always was. And when I run it all through my head, there's more than enough for a Season Two entry, it didn't need that much filler.

I'm not sure how to score it yet as I have so many problems with it. It gets (2) for now, and if it deserves more I'll make some additions at the end of this list.

2) We could've done without Peter being included, as it feels like Man Out Of You's efforts were tossed out the airlock. He didn't need to be there, we already knew he was proud that James hit him to protect his family, and the chat with Tom amounted to nothing. Pointless and yet damaging

3) Lena's back to being a bitch in this one, and nobody cares that you like chewing your recently dyed hair. I dunno why it's mentioned, as it being blonde is only said twice so its not drawing attention to that. Her sitting with Peter, calling JJ childish for not, the matchmaking. boring too

4) Jessie doesn't know what a baby kick feels like so she panics when it happens, James is also unsure if its good or not, but after they leave the room it's suddenly familiar to them cos shock horror, she's been pregnant before in the prequels. flaminghell. That whole scene was weird.

5) Tom's sudden crush on Jessie, it being why he is nice to her and no longer taunting her for being in a relationship and with child like he normally does. OOC, random, and so god damn forced. It deserved a point on its own outside the playing with dolls first negative. Telling her to get f$$$$$ when she said "you have a funny way of showing that you love your wife" was bad on its own as well.

6) Wobbuffet deserves one too. Yes he/she saved Jessie from Tom, but I dunno, there wasn't much time to guage whether or not she'd have decked him on her own if it hadn't

7) Ohno Lena's dead from a console explosion, oh maybe we can revive her, ohnoes Tuvok's dead from a console explosion, maybe we can revive him, no lol, ohnoes Emma's dead from a console explosion....

fffs get a new tune

8) No one sees the Enterprise coming until they've already fired on them. Really?

9) The excuse of why Seventh only took Marquis and kids isn't consistent of what's been shown already. There hasn't really been any limits shown on Damien's brainwashing until now

10) Writers scenes always get one

11) Pointless return of Pokemon Voyager, adds nothing

Sub-total: 12

Positives:

1) I always liked the basic premise of the Sevenths story in this one. It was planned out in advance and does have repercussions for quite some time.

2) James garbaging Tom after the Jessie assault, always good for a laugh

3) I still enjoy the cliffhanger. It's not the best one but it's up there.

Sub-total: 3

Marill's Rating: 20%

Haha, Thrown Key Part 2 scored better than this. That's soo embarrassing for it.

Next Time: Sideshow Annika stalks Voyager to Cape Mercury plotting bloody revenge, only to be continuously raked over the cacti. Voyager recruits from the big screen. Season Three starts with a yawn. BUT FIRST, Season Two needs summing up.