Jessie becomes seriously ill and the Doctor determines that it must have something to do with the events on the planet a week previously. While he looks for a cure somebody else is struck with the same disease much to the confusion of the entire crew.
Marill as herself
Raichu as herself
Charizard as himself
Oded Fehr as Arden
Marill & Raichu
6th & 8th October 2001
August 2377 (late season 7)
"What do you mean you're quitting?" Morgan yelled.
"Well duh, it means I'm quitting," Lilly muttered in response. Morgan groaned and she walked towards the wall. Craig quickly got out of the way.
"You can't quit, we're on VTV Live tonight," Craig said.
"I'm sorry, but I can't sing in the PokéBall band and be Captain at the same time," Lilly said.
"Then what are we suppose to do then?" Craig asked. Morgan walked back over.
"We carry on as normal. To be honest Barbie Girl is better sung in an even numbered band," Morgan replied.
"Glad that's sorted out, see ya," Lilly said and she walked around. Morgan sighed.
"Geez, the next thing you know Jessie & James will be wanting to leave," Morgan said.
"Why?" Craig asked.
"I'll not answer that," Morgan replied quickly.
"Erm, ok, speaking of them, where are they?" Craig asked.
"Well I don't know, they're not babysitting Duncan cos they did that last night. They should be here," Morgan replied.
"We can't wait any longer, we need to rehearse Barbie Girl, I only know the original words," Craig said. Morgan rolled her eyes and she tapped her commbadge.
"Janeway to Rex & Stuart. Craig wants you to get your lazy butts down to the holodeck," Morgan said. Craig turned to her with a bewildered expression.
"You know, they're going to kill me for that," Craig said.
"Yeah, so?" Morgan said questioningly. Craig swallowed hard, and he began reading the PADD in his hands.
In: "Give us a break, we were babysitting Duncan up until two this morning."
"Sorry Jess, it's not my fault, blame Craig," Morgan said. Craig looked even more nervous than before.
In: "Tell me, does this Barbie Girl song include killing Craig?"
"Nope, sorry, Jimmy," Morgan replied.
Morgan tapped her commbadge again, she smiled sweetly at Craig who just swallowed hard again.
PokéBall were performing their version of Barbie Girl on a stage in front of a holographic audience. Morgan headed to the edge of the stage and she brought the microphone to her lips.
"She's a blonde, bimbo cow in the TV industry. Dress her up in a catsuit and she's a star," she sang.
Craig made his way to her side, with microphone in hand.
"She's his doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamor and pink. Attack her there, kill her here. Yeah lets go!" he sang. Jessie came forward and took Craig's place, beside Morgan.
"You can chop. You can stab. If she says "Voyager is mine"," they both sang. Morgan and Jessie both stepped further back to re-join the guys.
"She's a Barbie Girl, in a crazy world. Life in catsuits, it's disastrous. You can hack her arms off... axe her everywhere. Imagination, that is Seven's death," they all sang in unison.
"Make her suffer, make her die. Do what ever you please. She can be like a punch bag. She can fall dead at your feet," she sang. James made his way over to Jessie's side.
"Come, join in, be her killer. Let us do it again. Grab the knife, stab around. Lets get chain-saws," he sang. Morgan came forward and took James' place, beside Jessie.
Meanwhile the Bridge crew were watching the show on the viewscreen.
"This song's rather accurate," Tom said.
"Tom, what are you doing here, I thought you were hosting the show," Kathryn asked.
"I am, I'm just waiting for the song to finish, then I've got to interview somebody on the Bridge," Tom replied. Nearly everybody rushed into the turbolifts. Kathryn rushed into her Ready Room. Tuvok stood at his station like a dope.
Meanwhile, back in the holodeck.
Morgan was standing in front of the other three.
"Oh I'm having so much fun!" she yelled.
"Well guys, we're just getting started," Craig said.
"Oh I love killing Seven," Morgan said.
B'Elanna and Harry walked onto the stage.
"Another um.. great song by PokéBall, they'll be back later with a Steps song called Chain Reaction. But now, it's time for our viewers choice Pokémon episode," B'Elanna said.
"I should have known," the Doctor muttered as he worked at his console. He tapped his commbadge. "Sickbay to Morgan, report here immediately!"
In: "Sorry, I can't, I'm performing Chain Reaction in a minute."
"Well I'm sure you've got enough time to tell me why you deactivated my program Thursday night," the Doctor said.
In: "Er... I didn't."
"Yes you did, according to the computer only you, Jessie and James were here when it happened. I ran a scan on the console, your DNA was on it," the Doctor said.
In: "Stop looking at me like that....."
In: "Oh crap, when did you do that?"
In: "Er, after I left the Doc's office. I went through the other door."
"Morgan, you didn't, you must of left through the main door, since the console you used was in the main part of Sickbay," the Doctor said.
In: "Doc, when did she deactivate you?"
"Not long after I went into my office, I spoke with her for a minute and she walked out," the Doctor replied.
In: "Oh thanks a lot Doc."
The commlink was cut off.
in Holodeck 1:
Morgan felt rather uneasy, James and Jessie just stood there staring at her.
"Er, I think we should go to the stage now," Morgan muttered.
"No, first I want to know if you've told anybody," Jessie said.
"No, of course not. You should thank me cos I deactivated the Doctor so he wouldn't see you," Morgan said.
Craig ran up to them.
"Guys, we have to go now," he said and he headed back the way he came. Jessie groaned and she followed him.
"Were you actually planning on telling us that you knew?" James asked.
"Well, yeah, of course. I just didn't see a good time to, that's all," Morgan replied.
In: "Would you two hurry up!"
Morgan and James headed towards the stage doors.
Captains Log Stardate... er... pass.
"Why don't you just go back to saying supplemental?" Chakotay asked.
"Shut up, you're ruining my log," Kathryn moaned.
As far as we know the movie was a flop, but we're still carrying on with dignity.
"Where is my Emmy! You promised me an Emmy!" Harry yelled.
"Calm down. The movie's only been finished for two days, give it a chance. So far we've had one review on fanfiction.net," Raichu said calmly.
"Besides characters don't get Emmy's for being in a fanfiction," Marill muttered.
"Yeah, and we're people in the 24th century, we don't care about Emmys," Triah said.
"Oh yeah, let me just say, my actor isn't too happy. Raichu promised him an Emmy," Harry said.
"Oh give it up, I was only pulling your leg," Raichu moaned.
"You were? Well, you'll be hearing from my actor's agent," Harry muttered and he stormed through the door.
"I wasn't expecting the movie to be big either, but it will hopefully grow. And besides it'll stick around for a lot longer than a normal movie at the cinema," Marill said.
"Is that a good thing?" Raichu asked. Marill glared at her. Morgan, Jessie and James came in.
"Lets go," Marill muttered. She and Raichu disappeared.
"Wait a second!" Morgan yelled. Everyone stared at her oddly. "I just wanted to know who wrote those disgusting scenes in the movie," Morgan muttered.
Tom came in carrying Duncan who was crying extremely loudly. Tom walked over to Morgan, James and Jessie.
"Please babysit again, I'll pay you anything," Tom moaned. Jessie and James glanced at each other, and they smiled evilly, then they looked back at Tom.
"Yeah sure, on one condition," Jessie said.
"Name it," Tom said.
"Don't take the micky out of anybody," James said.
"What?" Tom said.
"For twenty four hours," Jessie added.
"What! What kind of condition is this!" Tom grumbled. Duncan started crying again, even louder than usual.
"Take it or leave it," James said.
"Fine, you win, you're killing me, but ok," Tom said.
"By the way it, starts now," Jessie added.
"Damn, I had a really good insult in mind," Tom muttered as he looked at what Neelix was serving for breakfast. He looked back at Jessie.
He thought, "there's something different about her... haha, her face looks a mess, and what the hell is she wearing. Ooh Janeway's not going to like this. Hey, why is Morgan looking at me like that?"
"Remember," Morgan mimed, Tom groaned, he handed Duncan over to James, and he walked out in a huff.
"What was his problem?" Jessie said questioningly. Morgan giggled slightly.
"Well he was thinking more of less the same thing I was thinking," Morgan said.
"And what's that?" James asked.
"Well, it looks like Jessie forgot a few things this morning," Morgan replied. Jessie folded her arms and pouted.
"Well I happen to like myself this way," Jessie muttered.
"Yeah but, I've known you for two years, and I've never seen you outside your quarters without makeup on," Morgan said.
"So? I fancied a change," Jessie pouted.
"James tell me, how long has she been obsessed with make up?" Morgan asked.
"Well, her sister first got her into it when she was ten, so nearly eighteen years," James replied.
Morgan giggled. "You've liked makeup longer than I've been alive."
"Will you two leave me alone! If I don't want to wear makeup anymore what's it to you!" Jessie snapped.
"Yeah I know, but it just seems weird, how did it happen?" Morgan asked.
"Well when you and Craig forced me out of bed at 0800 hours yesterday, I didn't have time to put makeup on, or even a uniform on. I just had time to put regular clothes on, that was it. I didn't even get time to do my hair," Jessie replied.
"Oh, so that explains the fact that you're going to duty in leggings and a tank top," Morgan said.
"Well I figured why bother, uniforms are so unfashionable," Jessie said.
"Took your time to realise it," Morgan muttered, and she looked James' way. He started pouting instead.
"She's making me feel stupid now," he said. Jessie playfully hit him in the arm.
"Come on, we have to get to duty," she said and she walked out.
"Don't forget, don't let Duncan sit in my mother's chair, she was quite teed off last time," Morgan said. Duncan just giggled.
"Right, let Duncan sit in your mother's chair, I'll remember that," James said.
"But... you just said the opposite of what I said," Morgan muttered.
"Exactly, I like annoying Janeway," James said. Duncan giggled again. Morgan groaned.
"Great, she'll probably come complaining to me," Morgan muttered. Jessie walked back in.
"Are you coming or not?" she asked. James groaned and he headed towards the main doors.
"Oh Jess, isn't it a little convenient that you stopped wearing makeup and uniforms as soon as you and James got together?" Morgan asked quietly. Jessie turned bright red.
"No of course not. Besides, normal girls would wear more makeup if they got off with a guy," Jessie replied.
"Good point, but this is you and James we're talking about here, you two aren't normal," Morgan said.
"Do you think I was better off with makeup?" Jessie whispered.
"Nope, personally I think he only likes you for your personality," Morgan said quietly.
"I wasn't talking about his opinion, or who cares, forget I said anything," Jessie said.
"Yeah, I think you should get to your duty shift," Morgan muttered. Jessie rolled her eyes and she walked out.
Kathryn's desk was once again covered in piles of PADDs. She sighed in frustration, then she tapped her commbadge.
"Janeway to Sickbay," she said.
In: "Yes Captain?"
"Doctor, can you get Tuvok to report to Sickbay, somehow. I'll explain when I arrive," Kathryn said as she stood up.
In: "Er, yes Captain."
Kathryn walked out through the doors and she stepped onto the Bridge. She then headed towards the turbolift.
"And the point of that is?" the Doctor asked.
"Well, most of the crew are complaining about how unemotional he is. Maybe we could just give him some emotions, just for a day of two," Kathryn replied.
"But Captain, that emotion chip I conveniently made for this episode, and this episode only, is highly experimental. I can't get the thing to connect to the right person," the Doctor said.
"It doesn't matter, anybody will do," Kathryn said. The Doctor sighed.
"We'd better prey to god this thing doesn't make him experience Emma, or Tani, or as a matter of fact any girl who has an infatuation with someone at the moment. This thing will make it seem like Tuvok has the same infatuation," the Doctor muttered as he finished fiddling with a hypospray.
"Well, the crew will be entertained for a few days," Kathryn said as she shrugged her shoulders.
Tuvok walked into the room.
"You wanted to see me Doctor," he said calmly. The Doctor nodded, and he walked over to Tuvok with the hypospray.
"I just want to give you an injection, since I discovered that you have a mild fever," the Doctor said.
"But I don't feel ill, Doctor," Tuvok said.
"You will soon, unless you have this injection," the Doctor said.
"Very well, proceed," Tuvok said. The Doctor slowly put the hypospray to Tuvok's neck, and he pressed the button. He then stepped back.
"How do you feel, Commander?" Kathryn asked.
"Surprisingly happy, Captain. I feel the need to have some Cherry Coke," Tuvok replied, he then walked out. The Doctor groaned.
"Well that narrows who it could be down to about, 140," the Doctor said.
on Deck 2:
James and Jessie were heading down the corridor, towards the turbolift.
"Can I ask you something?" Jessie asked.
"Yeah," James replied.
"Do you think I look stupid without makeup on?" Jessie asked. James stopped in his tracks, and he laughed.
"What kind of question is that?" he said questioningly. Jessie stopped, and she went over to face him.
"Just answer it," Jessie said.
Meanwhile, just around the corner, Tani was watching. She thought, "she always looks stupid to me."
"Well, lets put it this way. I liked you before you started putting that, stuff on your face. In my opinion it doesn't make any difference. Personally, I think it's a waste of rations," James replied.
"Yeah, but I feel stupid," Jessie said.
"Well I think you should keep one thing in mind," James said.
"And what's that?" Jessie asked.
"Well, I fell for you, not the makeup," James replied.
Tani thought, "please tell me he didn't say that."
"You know, you say the sweetest things," Jessie muttered, she then kissed him. Duncan giggled slightly.
"I'm going back to our quarters, I'm sick of this damn uniform," James said.
"I'll meet you on the Bridge, then," Jessie said. James handed Duncan over to her, and he headed back the way he came. Jessie continued down the corridor. She turned the corner and she ran into an angry looking Tani.
"Hi slut," she said.
"Hi whore, what do you want?" Jessie asked.
"I'm not a whore," Tani muttered. Duncan started crying again incredibly loudly.
"He must of seen you," Jessie said.
"Oh very funny Jess," Tani muttered, she folded her arms and sulked.
"Well, he was quiet until we ran into you," Jessie said.
"Quiet yes, but his mouth wasn't exactly closed," Tani said.
"As far as I could see, Duncan kept his mouth shut, dumb a*s," Jessie asked.
"Duncan? I thought you were talking about James," Tani said. Jessie burst out laughing.
"Well he's not really here, so I don't think so," Jessie said.
"I didn't think that would stop you. I really don't know what he sees in you," Tani muttered.
"What are you talking about?" Jessie asked.
"Well he said he fell for you," Tani replied.
"Ohno, you were eavesdropping on us," Jessie muttered.
"Yeah, the conversation was so interesting so I had to watch," Tani said.
"Ohno," Jessie groaned.
"Ohno indeed. I wouldn't care I thought you two were faking it at the beginning of the movie," Tani said.
"We were," Jessie said.
"Don't tell me, you were faking it just before," Tani said.
"Yeah, we knew you were watching actually," Jessie said.
"Are you taking me for a fool?" Tani asked.
"Yeah, because you're falling for it," Jessie replied.
"But if it was a trick you wouldn't be telling me," Tani said.
"Believe what you want," Jessie muttered.
"Fine, if this is a trick you wouldn't mind if I kissed him again," Tani said.
"You wouldn't dare," Jessie said.
"I would, and why would you care?" Tani asked.
"Because I'm his friend," Jessie replied.
"Or my suspicion is right," Tani said.
"Oh give it up," Jessie muttered and she put Duncan on the ground nearby her feet, he stopped crying, and he started giggling again.
"So, what's with the makeup then?" Tani asked.
"What makeup?" Jessie asked.
"That's my point," Tani replied.
"I fancied a change, what's it to you," Jessie muttered.
"Well, I think you need an opinion off somebody who doesn't suck up to you," Tani said.
"James doesn't suck up to me," Jessie growled.
"He does, cos you look terrible, and he doesn't want to admit it," Tani said.
"I don't see why I have to get an opinion off a slut," Jessie muttered.
"Jess, have you looked in a mirror lately? The only slut here is you. I mean that kid of yours down there, that kind of thing always happens to sluts who sleeps with their best friends," Tani said.
"I was drunk and under a love spell!" Jessie yelled.
"Emma was drunk, wasn't she. You didn't see her sleeping with Chakotay, Craig or Tom," Tani said.
"Chakotay, Tom and Craig weren't drunk," Jessie said.
"Was James drunk?" Tani asked.
"Of course he was, he wouldn't of done anything if he wasn't," Jessie replied angrily.
"How do you know, you don't remember anything. For all you know, he took advantage of you," Tani said.
"Tani, do me a favour, shut your f****ng mouth!" Jessie yelled.
"Don't swear in front of the kid, he might try copying off you. By hell we don't want another Jessie," Tani said.
"You know, if I wasn't so tired I would hit you," Jessie said.
"Tired? Oh what a pity," Tani muttered. All of a sudden Jessie collapsed. "Hmm, any excuse to get out of an argument," Tani said. Duncan started crying again. Tani slowly tapped her commbadge. "Henderson to Sickbay, I think Jessie's ill," she said.
In: "You think?"
"Well she might be faking it," Tani replied.
In: "I'll beam you two here."
"Don't forget the brat," Tani said as she looked at Duncan.
Naomi walked onto the Bridge, she gave a longing look towards Harry. She headed towards the science station and she sat down. Harry turned to look elsewhere, he saw Tuvok staring at him strangely.
He waved at him. Harry's eyes widened in horror, and he tried to ignore it.
"Captain, I don't feel very well, can I go to Sickbay?" he asked.
"Yes you can," Kathryn replied. Harry headed towards the turbolift. Naomi and Tuvok followed him inside.
Tom thought, "typical, today is not a good day for stuff like this to happen."
"Er, Captain, was Tuvok waving at Harry?" Tom asked.
"I think so, that can't be good," Kathryn replied.
"Damn, it's not fair," Tom moaned.
in the turbolift:
Harry felt rather uneasy and he tried to look at the floor. Tuvok and Naomi were looking at him strangely. Luckily the turbolift stopped at Deck Five, Harry rushed out. Tuvok and Naomi followed him. Harry decided to run towards Sickbay, but Naomi and Tuvok started running too. They all ran past several crewmembers, including Faye and Triah.
"Okay, that was disturbing," Faye muttered.
The Doctor was scanning Jessie. Tani stood near the door. Duncan was still crying on one of the biobeds.
James walked in, he spotted Tani. He pushed her against the wall, she just grinned.
"Hey, if you wanted a kiss, you could of just asked," she said.
"I don't want a f****ng kiss, I want to know what you did to Jessie!" James yelled.
"Oh, I was just trying to put her off you, by saying that you were like a male slut. So I take it you're free tonight," Tani said.
"Ensign, not in my Sickbay," the Doctor moaned.
James sighed and he stepped away from Tani. He then headed over to the Doctor.
"What's wrong with her?" he asked.
"I am not sure exactly. She fainted because her body temperature was dropping, but at the same time Tani was making her angry which usually raises some people's temperatures. This caused a chain reaction," the Doctor replied. Suddenly Chain Reaction by Steps came on. "What is that strange sound?" the Doctor asked.
Tani started dancing to the song. "I love this song, especially H's bit. He's so cute," Tani said, as she stared at James. "Just like his character," she said.
"Somebody throw her out, before I do it literally," James muttered.
"Geez, you're so rude, you didn't used to be like that," Tani said and she walked out.
"Hmm, she does have a point. You haven't been this aggressive for a while now," the Doctor said. James just shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you're growing up at long last," the Doctor muttered with a sigh.
"That will never happen," James said.
"Hmm, whatever you say. I think that you're acting a little less like a child now," the Doctor said.
"Stop changing the subject. Why was her temperature dropping?" James asked.
"That's the mystery, I need to do a more detailed scan," the Doctor replied. He tapped his commbadge. "Sickbay to Paris, please report to Sickbay."
In: "Okay, doc."
Harry rushed in. "Doctor, there's something really wrong with Tuvok," he said.
"What's wrong with him?" the Doctor asked.
"I don't know, he and Naomi were both chasing me. They've gone now, I don't where they went," Harry replied.
"Ohno, I think I know who Tuvok got connected with," the Doctor muttered.
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked.
"Maybe you should ask Janeway," the Doctor muttered.
few minutes later:
Tom walked through the door and he walked up to the Doctor.
"What is it, Doc?" he asked.
"I need your help in running a detailed scan," the Doctor replied. Tom nodded, and he looked at Jessie.
"I take it Jessie's ill," Tom muttered.
"Yes, she collapsed since her body temperature caused a chain reaction," the Doctor said. Chain Reaction came back on. "Somebody switch that off, it isn't funny now, and it never was," the Doctor moaned. The song went back off.
"Why do you need to a detailed scan if you already know what's wrong with her?" Tom asked.
"We know why her temperature went up, what we don't know is why it dropped," the Doctor replied. Tom responded by nodding his head.
Tom and the Doctor fiddled with the biobed for a while. A minute later Naomi rushed through the door.
"Doc, Tuvok is acting really screwy, do something about it," she said.
"What's wrong now?" the Doctor moaned.
"See for yourself," Naomi muttered. She walked out, and she came back in dragging Tuvok in with her. He had red lipstick on, with some thick blue eye shadow and some concealer. Tom mentally slapped himself.
He thought, "why today, why!"
"It could of been anybody but Naomi," the Doctor muttered.
"Somebody tell me what's going on, he's really freaking me out," Naomi said, she cringed when Tuvok started stroking his hair. Then he cringed for no reason.
"I don't think Tuvok has priority in this case," the Doctor muttered as he looked at the scanner.
"What can be more important than this," Naomi moaned and she stormed off. Tuvok stormed out in a huff too.
"I take it the results are ready," Tom said.
"Yes, and they are not good," the Doctor said.
"What's wrong?" James asked.
"I'm sorry, but she's dying," the Doctor muttered.
"What! How?" James asked.
"She has a virus in her blood, it will degenerate her in two days, but she only has 24 hours to live, if she's lucky," the Doctor said.
"Degenerate?" Tom said questioningly.
"The opposite to regeneration," the Doctor replied.
"Meaning?" James said.
"Meaning that this isn't going to be easy for her. If the scan is accurate her skin and internal organs have already started to degenerate. In other words she's decomposing alive," the Doctor said.
"How can that be possible Doc?" Tom asked.
"The virus is manipulating her brain into thinking the rest of the body is dead, and to thinking that the brain is inactive," the Doctor replied.
Tom thought, "then her brain must be stupid."
"That can't be possible, it doesn't make any sense," James said.
"Another thing. Decomposition takes years, but in this case the virus has accelerated it. Like I said earlier she will fully degenerate in two days," the Doctor said.
"Ok, what's the miracle cure?" James asked.
"There is none. You can't reverse or stop decomposition," the Doctor said.
"We could put her into stasis, that'll stop her decomposing until you think of a cure," James said.
"There is none, plus the stasis units won't work," the Doctor said.
"Why not?" James asked.
"Because the writers want this episode to be more dramatic," the Doctor replied.
"Screw the writers, put her in stasis," James said.
"No, I wasn't told to not put her in stasis, I know they don't work," the Doctor said.
"You can't let her die," James said.
"There's nothing I can do, except keep her sedated. She won't feel as much pain," the Doctor said and he walked into his office. Tom picked up a hypospray and he pressed it into Jessie's neck.
"Don't worry, James, I'm sure he'll be able to think up something, but first we have to convince him to start thinking," Tom said.
"I'll leave that to you, I have someone to talk to," James said.
"But, what about?" Tom asked.
"I need someone to vent my anger on, unless you want to be that somebody," James replied.
"No, go ahead," Tom said quickly.
Tani was sitting on her own at a table near the doors. James came in and he headed over to Tani's table. He sat down opposite her.
"So, how's the Mrs?" Tani asked in a huffy voice.
"Dying, no thanks to you," James replied. Tani looked up in shock.
"Me? I didn't do anything!" she grumbled.
"Yeah right," James muttered.
"We were only arguing, then she collapsed. The Doc said that she just collapsed because of that temperature rise and lowing thing. I doubt that could kill her," Tani said.
"So how did she get infected with a virus?" James asked.
"Virus? I didn't hear anything about a virus," Tani replied.
"Then how did she get it?" James asked.
"Look, I know I don't like her, but that doesn't mean I'd infect her with a killer virus. I'm not a murderer, unlike a certain somebody," Tani replied.
"So you think I did it because I killed somebody before?" James asked.
"No, I was just pointing out who's the murderer around here," Tani replied.
"I wonder if she was infected on that planet," James said quietly.
"Maybe," Tani muttered.
"By the way, what were you two arguing about?" James asked.
"You mostly," Tani replied.
"Er... why?" James asked.
"Well it's just typical that she gets you and I don't, it's just my luck," Tani said.
"I don't know why you even tried, I've never liked you," James said.
"Oh thanks, whatever happened to the sweet and innocent James?" Tani asked.
"He 'grew up'," James replied.
"Shame, you're more jerk like, you're starting to be more like Tom," Tani said.
"Tani, you really shouldn't make me more angry than I am already. Tom learned the hard way," James said.
"Aw come on, we both know that you'll never hurt a girl. You're too, what's the word, macho or manly to do that," Tani said.
"That rule only means that I can't hurt girls, right?" James asked as he stood up.
"Right, so you can threat all you like, you're never going to hurt me," Tani replied.
"Really, that rule doesn't mention you," James said.
"But I'm a girl, of course it does," Tani said.
Everyone got the biggest shock in their lives when they saw James hit Tani.
"Morgan said that you're a demon, and she was right," James said. Neelix rushed over to Tani, and he knelt down.
"What has got into you?" he asked as he looked up at James, he just shrugged his shoulders again. Neelix tapped his commbadge. "Neelix to Sickbay."
In: "Go ahead Mr Neelix."
"You won't believe this but James hit Tani," Neelix said.
In: "About time."
In: "Tom, shut up."
In: "I'm surprised he hasn't done it before, I would of if she tried to kiss me and everything."
In: "Neelix, we'll beam her to Sickbay."
Neelix heard what sounded like somebody falling to the ground.
"I think you should beam James there to, he's collapsed," Neelix said.
In: "Fine, this is not my day."
Kathryn and Tuvok walked in. Everyone tried to ignore the fact that Tuvok was still wearing makeup.
"Report, Doctor," Kathryn ordered.
"Tani will be fine Captain, it's my other two patients I'm worried about," the Doctor replied.
"What's wrong with them?" Kathryn asked.
"Jessie has a virus in her blood that causes her skin and internal organs to degenerate. The only way she could of been infected with this virus is by, ahem, intimate contact," the Doctor replied.
Tom thought, "ooh, I wonder what kind."
"Hey, Tom keep this episode a bloody 12 or PG-13," Marill's voice said.
Tom thought, "I thought somebody decomposing alive would be considered a 15 anyway."
"You don't see it happen, so it's still a 12/PG-13," Raichu's voice said.
"I believe Jessie was infected in this ritual that we were told about," the Doctor said.
"You mean the ritual in the movie?" Kathryn asked.
"Yes, Jessie was kissed by Iinan for the ritual, but here's the mystery. James has the same virus, yet according to Morgan and Craig, Unu didn't get to perform the same part of the ritual to James," the Doctor replied.
"Hmm, that is a mystery. Isn't there any other way to get infected with this virus?" Kathryn asked.
"Well he could of got it injected into him, but that is not possible. The only way he could of got infected is Unu had performed her part of the ritual on him or if Jessie passed the virus onto him by, ahem, kissing him, but that is not possible," the Doctor said.
Tom thought, "god, where's he been."
"Is there a cure for this disease?" Kathryn asked uncomfortably.
"No known one. It's impossible to cure decomposition, but if Iinan and Unu managed to regenerate then there is a possible cure to be found. But I think that the only way we can get it is to go back to Thairo and speak to the Maji. They may know something about the virus," the Doctor replied.
Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Bridge, lay a course back to Thairo, warp nine, tell the Dellia Fleet to stay here until we return," she said.
In: "May I ask why?"
"If we don't we'll lose two main characters," Kathryn said.
In: "We're setting a course now."
"Keep me informed Doctor," Kathryn said. She turned around and she headed towards the door. Tuvok followed her while fiddling with his hair.
Bridge, two hours later:
"We've arrived at Maji space," Harry said.
"Wow, that was quick. How come it's taken us days to leave this area, but only hours to get back?" Chakotay asked.
"Conveniently for the plot we were only going at warp three then or something," Kathryn replied.
"Makes sense," Chakotay muttered.
"Captain, two Maji ships are heading towards us," Craig said. He had replaced Tuvok at tactical.
"They're hailing," Harry said.
"Put them on screen," Kathryn ordered. The viewscreen changed to show the interior of the lead Maji ship.
"Captain, we weren't expecting you back," Arden said.
"Two members of our crew are infected with a virus we believe they picked up at Thairo, we hoped that you may know something about it," Kathryn said.
"Are they the two who were Unu and Iinan's reincarnations?" Arden asked.
"Yes," Kathryn replied.
"Can I come aboard to examine them for myself?" Arden asked.
"Yes, I'll meet you in our transporter room," Kathryn replied. Arden nodded, the viewscreen changed back to view the ships. Kathryn headed towards the turbolift and she stepped inside.
"I still don't see why we don't just beam him to Sickbay, it would save time," Craig muttered.
"It's a Star Trek trait, Craig," Harry said.
Arden finished scanning Jessie and he walked back over to the Doctor, Tom and Kathryn.
"Just as I suspected. They both have the Kiss of Death," Arden said.
"We did figure out that Jessie could of been infected by the ritual, but how did James get infected?" the Doctor asked.
"That is a good question. James got free just before the Kiss of Death was performed on him," Arden replied.
"It isn't an airborne virus is it?" Kathryn asked.
"No. The only way James could of gotten this virus is if Unu or Jessie had kissed him, and Unu didn't," Arden replied.
"What about Iinan?" Tom asked.
"There are three problems with that theory. 1) Iinan couldn't do it to his own reincarnate. 2) We didn't see him do it. 3) It was already passed to Jessie from him, again doing that would have no affect what so ever, so he wouldn't of tried it anyway," Arden replied.
"Is there a cure for the Kiss of Death?" the Doctor asked.
"There is no scientific cure I'm afraid. There were only two ceremonial ways to get rid of the virus. 1) Is to finish the ritual by piercing the heart. 2) To get what remains of Iinan and Unu, perform a certain ritual and their souls will become one," Arden replied.
"What do you mean by their souls will become one?" Tom asked.
"Iinan and Unu's souls were separated 3000 years ago. Half reincarnated and half was left behind," the Doctor replied.
"And the only way for Iinan and Unu's souls to become whole again was to use their reincarnations to regenerate them. The only way for the incarnations to be treated for the Kiss of Death is to re-connect their souls," Arden said.
"How will this affect them afterwards?" Kathryn asked.
"This ritual will only treat their degeneration. Nothing else will happen," Arden replied.
"I just thought if Iinan and Unu were one with James and Jessie, then those two would start acting like them," Kathryn said.
"No, that's not how it works," Arden said.
"So we should go to Thairo to get what's left of Iinan and Unu, then what?" Tom asked.
"We have to get the Book of the Living back. It's still in the ceremonial chamber with Unu and Iinan. Somebody who knows the language will have to read out the correct passage," Arden replied.
Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "How far are we from Thairo, Chakotay?" she asked.
In: "Five minutes, Captain."
"This may not be as easy as it sounds. Iinan and Unu were vaporised when they were killed. Plus your ship hit a few buildings in the city causing the entire city to collapse. It will be difficult to get to the passage that leads to the ceremonial chamber," Arden said.
"I don't think that problem's going to stop us," Kathryn said.
Captains Log Supplemental: Voyager has re-entered orbit of Thairo. Morgan, Naomi, the Doctor and Naomi have beamed to the surface to find Iinan & Unu's remains and the Book of the Living.
Morgan and Arden took the lead, as they made their way through the rubble.
"Crap!" Morgan groaned.
"What's wrong?" the Doctor asked.
"That's were the underground passage used to be," Morgan said as she pointed towards a huge pile of broken stone.
"Maybe our phasers can help," Naomi said.
"No, if you do that the rocks may collapse on us," Arden said.
"Do you mean we have to move them by hand?" Morgan asked.
"That seems to be our only option," Arden replied. Morgan walked closer to the stone and she started picking up some of the stone. Naomi tried but the stone was too heavy for her to pick up. Arden helped Morgan pick up some more stone.
Something blue caught Naomi's eye. She knelt down and she picked up a small strange blue rock. She felt it move, the base of it cracked. Suddenly she screamed.
on the Bridge:
"AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Tuvok screamed. Everyone looked at him strangely.
"Er... ok," Harry muttered.
The Doctor, Morgan and Arden turned to look Naomi's way.
"My arm, my arm!" she screamed. Morgan walked over to her and she took a hold of Naomi's arm. A lump as big as a mouse was moving up her arm.
"Holy s**t!" Morgan yelled.
"What, what is it?" the Doctor asked.
"Do something, do something!" Naomi squealed as the lump reached her shoulder. Morgan pulled out a small pen knife from her pocket.
"Lucky I keep this," she said.
"No, not that!" Naomi screamed. Morgan kept a tight grip on her, Arden helped. Morgan used the pen knife to cut open Naomi's arm. She screamed in pain. Suddenly a huge bug came out and fell to the ground.
"It's a Sbarac," Arden said.
"No kidding," Morgan said and she aimed her phaser at it.
"No you can't kill it!" the Doctor protested.
The Sbarac scuttled back towards Naomi. Morgan shot it and it stopped dead in it's tracks, literally.
"It's either dead, or we're dead, Doc," Morgan muttered. The Doctor headed over to Naomi. He opened his med kit, and he pulled out a regenerator. He used it on Naomi's arm.
Morgan and Arden continued pulling away the rocks. The Doctor knelt down next to the bug. He took a container out of the med kit he was carrying. He put the Sbarac into it and he closed the container. Nobody else noticed.
"We need help, this could take a long time with just us," Morgan said. The Doctor tapped his commbadge.
"Doctor to Voyager, we need another team down here," he said.
In: "Very well."
A few minutes later Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna and Triah beamed down. Triah looked around with a disgusted look on her face.
"Geez, what a mess," she said. Morgan rolled her eyes.
"Just help us move this rubble," Morgan said.
"Maybe we should split up. There is different ways to the ceremonial chamber, and one may be blocked by rubble," Arden said.
"Good idea, it'll save time," Tom said.
Morgan, Arden, Naomi and the Doctor headed off down the left corridor. Tom, Tuvok, B'Elanna and Triah headed down the right corridor.
Tom looked at the walls, a strange button was right in the centre of it.
Tom thought, "it can't work, there's no power. There's no harm in it."
He then pushed the button. Suddenly the floor caved in, all four members of the away team fell about ten feet. Dust went everywhere, and it settled on all four crewmembers.
B'Elanna slapped Tom. "What did you do that for!" she yelled.
"I didn't think it would work, there's no power," Tom said.
"Well it did," B'Elanna moaned.
"Oh look at the state of this place, I should complain to the cleaner," Triah muttered as she wiped the dust of her arms.
"Triah, this place has been abandoned for over 3000 years," Tom said.
"That's no excuse for not cleaning up," Triah said.
"I wonder where we are," B'Elanna said, ignoring Triah's comment.
The room they were now in was huge. The room's ceiling raised higher as it reached the centre of the room. In the centre were three stone slabs, one was small, and two were rather large.
Meanwhile the other team were still going down the corridor. They heard what sounded like hail stones hitting a hard ground. Morgan turned around. She saw hundreds of Scarabs running towards them.
"Guys, we've got company," Morgan said. Naomi turned around and she screamed again.
Meanwhile, Tuvok screamed for no reason. Tom and B'Elanna rolled their eyes in response.
Morgan, Naomi, Arden and the Doctor ran down the corridor, the Sbaracs being only two metres behind them. Suddenly the ground caved in and all members of the awayteam fell ten feet. The Sbaracs didn't follow them.
"Hmm, interesting, these bugs are sentient," the Doctor muttered. All he got for a response was Morgan and Naomi groaning.
"Who cares," Morgan groaned. She looked over at Arden. He had landed against the wall, so his legs were sticking up in the air, and his weight was resting on his head and shoulders (no, not the shampoo).
Morgan got up and she helped him to his feet. He started brushing dust off his hair.
"My hair's a mess," he moaned.
Naomi thought, "typical hippy."
"You're starting to sound like my mum," Morgan said, and she started giggling. She looked over at Naomi. "Hippy?" she said.
"Oh, stop reading my mind," Naomi moaned.
"Can't help it," Morgan said.
"Where are we?" the Doctor asked as he looked around.
"I think, we're in the ceremonial chamber," Morgan replied.
"Wait a second, is that B'Elanna and co?" Naomi asked as she pointed to the other side of the room. Sure enough Tom, B'Elanna, Tuvok and Triah were there. Morgan, Naomi, the Doctor and Arden walked further into the room. Morgan spotted a faint bit of gold. She walked over to it, she wiped the sand away with her hand. She picked up a gold book.
"Well I've got the Book of the Living," she said.
"Good, now finding Iinan and Unu's ashes will be the most difficult part," Arden said. The Doctor pulled out his tricorder and it bleeped.
"Found them," he said. Arden collapsed Pokémon style.
"Wow, we haven't seen somebody do that in a while," Morgan muttered. Tom, B'Elanna, Triah and Tuvok came up to them. The Doctor knelt down and he collected some sand. He walked over to another area just as the room shook.
"What was that?" Naomi asked.
"I don't know, but we'd better hurry," Arden said as he stood back up. The Doctor started collecting some more sand.
"Uhoh, look!" B'Elanna yelled as she pointed at the ceiling. Cracks were beginning to form, dust and sand fell from it.
"The ceiling is about to collapse, we'd better get out of here," Arden said. The room started shaking violently again. Rocks from the ceiling fell to the ground causing sand to go everywhere.
"Ohno, some of Iinan or Unu's ashes has been covered by the rocks," the Doctor said. Nobody heard him, they were all running towards the door.
"Come on Doc!" Tom yelled. The Doctor closed his container and he ran after them. As they were running Tuvok tapped his commbadge.
"Janeway get us out here!" he yelled frantically.
In: "We can't get a lock on you underground, you have to get back to the surface."
"Damn it!" Tuvok and Naomi yelled.
They all reached the cross roads. In the other corridor the Sbaracs were running towards them. Naomi and Tuvok screamed and they ran faster.
With the Sbaracs only a metre behind them all, they managed to reach the steps leading to the surface. The sunlight shone in their eyes, and they couldn't see a thing. Tom tapped his commbadge.
"Can you beam us out now?" he asked.
In: "Stand by."
The Sbaracs were only a few centimetres away when the awayteam dematerialised.
Morgan was reading through the Book of the Living. When she finished James and Jessie went back to normal. The Doctor scanned them both, and he smiled.
"The virus is gone, their skin and organs have returned to normal," he said. Morgan sighed and she closed the book.
Captains Log Supplemental: Ensign Stuart and Crewman Rex have been cured for their disease. We're continuing our course for home.
Tom rushed in with a big grin on his face.
"Ok, my 24 hours are up. Tuvok you're a gay little freak. Jessie your face is a mess. Neelix what is that you're cooking, crap? Tani, did that little punch knock some sense into your brain, oh of course not, you haven't got a brain. James, how did you get infected by that disease, did you have intimate contact with Jessie?" Tom yelled. He started laughing.
Everyone stared at him oddly. Nearly everybody burst out laughing.
"Tom, do you know that your fly is open?" Triah asked.
Tom turned bright red, and he ran out.
Live, the following Saturday:
PokéBall were on the stage. They all had a microphone each on a stand. They began singing the song 'Roses Are Red'.
The audience cheered when they were finished, B'Elanna and Tom came onto the stage.
"Another great song from PokéBall," B'Elanna said.
"Yeah, before we leave we have a special announcement. Morgan told me before the last song that everybody has to avoid Tani, or your health is at risk. Your temperature may rise and cause a chain reaction," Tom said. PokéBall started singing the chorus to Chain Reaction right on cue.
Meanwhile in Sickbay, the Doctor tried to pull his hair out, but he didn't have any. So he just collapsed in Pokémon style.
Will Tani stop chasing after James after what he did to her, or will she be more persistent? Will Annika find out that the Barbie Girl song was about her? How many people terrorised Marill & Raichu because the medical side to this episode didn't make any sense? Has Tuvok gone back to normal? Has James really *snigger*, grown up? Will Jessie stay off makeup for good? Find out the answers to maybe some of these questions next time on Fifth Voyager.
Episode | Next