Episode 2.09: F9 - Control Failure


F9: Control Failure

Episode Synopsis
Voyager & the Dellia Fleet find an older Dellia ship that's been missing for centuries. As Voyager goes to check out a strange energy reading outside a nebula the Dellia Fleet is boarded by Seventh Voyager

Guest Stars
Marill as herself
Charizard as himself
Clive Martin as Evil C
Chloe Annet as Phoebe
René Dif as Damien
Nicolas Brendon as James Johnstone
Tom Lenk as Scot Williams

Written By
Marill & Charizard

17th & 22nd September 2001

Episode Based In
June 2377 (mid season 7)


Seventh Voyager:
More or less everyone was at a station on the Bridge. Damien, Phoebe & Chakotay were the only ones standing up. They were in the centre of the Bridge, where they usually are.

"Are you saying that they're planning something?" Chakotay asked.

"They must be. Why would Voyager & the Dellia Fleet be together," Damien replied.

"What do you suggest we do?" Phoebe asked.

"They're nearing the Aritia Nebula," Damien said quietly.

"That's interesting," Chakotay muttered.

"Let me finish!" Damien barked.

"Do I have to?" Chakotay moaned. As usual Phoebe hit him on the head.

"Don't mind the moron sir," Phoebe said, sucking up to the Boss as usual.

"The Aritia Nebula has been the home of the Dellia F9 for 400 years. Voyager and the Fleet know this, and they're more than likely to be going to the nebula to find the F9. We can use this to our advantage," Damien said.

"I wonder how we can use a cloud of lighten up gas to our advantage," Tom sniggered.

"Shut up you two!" Phoebe yelled.

"The Aritia Nebula is known to have a strange effect on shields. We can attack the fleet when their guard and their shields are down," Damien said.

"Should we go into the nebula now then?" Phoebe asked.

"No you nitwit! We have to go behind the nearby planet, that will block their sensors. Well, mostly. Voyager would probably break away from the Fleet to investigate, and that's when we strike against the Dellia Fleet," Damien said.

"But I thought that you wanted to get Fifth Voyager most of all," Chakotay said.

"I do, but the writers are sticking to their original script where I have the biggest grudge against the Dellia Fleet," Damien said.

"Makes sense," Phoebe said.

"I wonder how we'll lose this time," Tom sniggered.

"Well personally, I think Damien will either get killed again or we just get badly damaged and retreat like the coward Phoebe is," Harry said.

"That's realistic. I hope the first one you said will be the one that happens," Tom said.

"Harry! Tom! I'm sorry sir, they don't mean it. We'd hate it if you died again at Fifth Voyager's cause," Phoebe said.

"No we wouldn't," everyone said in unison.

"Ignore them, they're not important," Phoebe said.

"Sounds like someone I know," Damien muttered.

"God, that woman would win the best sucker upper award of the year," Tom muttered.

"I heard that," Phoebe said.

"You were meant to," Tom said.

Fifth Voyager
Captains Log Supplemental - We're nearing the Aritia Nebula. Lilly tells us that there is a ship in the nebula which will prove useful. She hasn't given out anymore information yet. The Dellia Z6 & Z4 have broken off from the fleet to help in a battle with the Sixes while Voyager and the Dellia Z5 investigate the lost ship.

The Bridge:
"Captain, why do you always say supplemental in the logs. Do you ever know the stardate?" Chakotay asked.

"Of course I do. This is my second log today so there is no point in repeating the stardate," Kathryn replied.

"But it's only 0700 hours," Tom said.

"I'm well aware of the time," Kathryn muttered. "Moron," she said even more quietly.

"How long until we reach the nebula, Tom?" Chakotay asked.

"About one hour," Tom replied.

"Schedule a staff meeting at 0730 hours. Don't forget to invite our Dellia friends," Kathryn ordered.

"Yes ma'am, but there's two problems with that order. 1) if we were to invite the entire Dellia senior staff to the meeting we'll have no room. 2) there is only one Dellia guest star," Chakotay said.

"Chakotay, I'm sure there would of been plenty of room. At one point we had trouble fitting seven main characters at that table. Now we can get eighteen around it," Kathryn said.

"God knows how we do that," Tom muttered.

"Tom, I know it seems impossible but everything seems to be possible in this series," Kathryn said.

"If that's the case then how come we still can't get easy food around here? We always have to rely on Neelix's cooking if we don't ration well," Tom asked.

"I don't know, don't ask me, ask the writers for goodness sake!" Kathryn exclaimed.

"Do I really have to, those two loonies really freak me out," Tom asked. Marill & Charizard appeared with really angry looks on their faces. Marill had her flippin' mental t-shirt on.

"How dare you! We're not loony!" Marill moaned.

"No, she's just flippin' mental. I'm no way near loony," Charizard said.

"Yeah that's right... hey, this t-shirt means nothing," Marill said.

"Then why do you wear it?" Charizard asked.

"Because I like it, you moron!" Marill replied.

"Whatever you say," Charizard said.

"Er, this could go on all day," Tom muttered.

"Oh well, lets get back to the original plot. I don't think this bit was in that plot," Charizard said.

"It isn't, but I just want to do one thing before we go," Marill said.

"What's that?" Charizard asked. Evil C and Emma appeared on the Bridge for no reason, they had chain-saws.

"Hey, cool! I've got a chain-saw!" Emma giggled.

"I'll let you keep them if you go and get Tom," Marill said. Tom swallowed hard and he ran towards the other turbolift. Emma giggled hysterically and she started chasing him, so did Evil C. "Well I did promise Clive that I'd do at least one scene with Evil C and Emma together, with chain-saws of course," Marill said.

"Oh well," Charizard said. He and Marill then disappeared.

"Finally, we can get back to the episode," Kathryn moaned.

"Yeah," Chakotay said.

"And now it's time for the advert break!" Marill's voice yelled.

"What?" Kathryn and Chakotay groaned.

"Since when do we have advert breaks?" Chakotay asked.

"Since we started airing on Sky One," Marill's voice replied.

"I thought this was a fanfic," Kathryn muttered.

Advert One:
The screen turned blank. A really annoying squeaky voice started speaking as a picture of a sofa came onto the screen. "Buy this really expensive sofa, and get one crummy one free!" The picture disappeared and a picture of a CD Player appeared. "Buy this CD Player and get a LP absolutely free! Are we doing a deal or are we doing a deal!" the squeaky voice squeaked. A logo appeared on the screen, it said Ice World.

Advert Two:
We see a man robbing a bank. Police arrive and they try to drag him away.

"It wasn't me! Big Dave made me do it!" the man yelled.

"Yeah right, get the straight jackets!" a police officer said. The scene changes, and we see the man in a white room with a straight jacket on. A picture of a Pot Noodle appears on the screen.

"Blame it on Big Dave!" a voice said. The screen faded out.

Sky Advert:
We see some clips of a TV show where people audition for a voice in Pokémon. A few people dress up as main characters.

"Hundreds of people will compete head to head to be the new voice artist that replaces Eric Stuart. The man behind Brock, James and several annoying Pokémon, oh and Dexter," a man's voice said. We see some people dressing up as Brock and James, and badly trying to copy of Eric Stuart's voice. A cheesy logo with PokéBalls floating around it comes onto the screen.

"Catch another installment of PokéStars only on Sky One," the man said loudly. "And ITV 1," he said a lot quieter.

Fifth Voyager
0730, The Conference Room:
Zombies, er I mean half asleep crewmembers walked through the door. They sat down and most just fell back asleep on the table. The last to arrive was Emma, Lilly and her brother, James.

"Lilly, Commander Johnstone, will you please brief us about this mission," Kathryn said as she sat down. Lilly stood up and she headed over to the console. James (her brother, we'll just call him by his surname, it's easier) followed her over.

"The ship inside the nebula was sent into the nebula to hide human refugees who were on Liger ships during the Human/Liger war in our dimension. The crew and the refugees went into stasis to protect them from the radiation. However they were suppose to get out of stasis two weeks afterwards, but the Sixes faction chose that moment to interfere. They took over the ship and they made sure the crew would not escape from stasis," Johnstone said.

"How do you know exact details?" Kathryn asked.

"Because, Captain, I was there," Lilly replied. Johnstone shook his head and he turned to headbutt the wall. Everyone but Emma looked at Lilly with confused expressions.

"What do you mean you were there?" Kathryn asked.

"Geez, Lilly, this situation is complicated enough," Johnstone moaned as he turned back to face her.

"Oh shut up! Captain, Emma and I were on that ship in stasis with the rest of the crew. The part about the Sixes stealing Emma and my stasis units did happen, and we were pulled into the Third dimension. The rest you know," Lilly said.

"So you two are 400 years old?" Tom asked.

"Yes, here comes the wise crack," Lilly muttered.

"I don't have one, I'd better go to Sickbay," Tom said. The Doctor rushed over and started scanning him.

So, er, what use is this ship now?" Kathryn asked.

"It may interest Voyager, it had a working coaxial drive installed. That's why it's in the Delta Quadrant," Johnstone replied.

"Fascinating, but how come it is in our dimension?" Tuvok asked.

"We thought it would be safer in another dimension, obviously we were wrong," Lilly replied.

"Another thing, how come you weren't able to retrieve that ship until now?" Chakotay asked.

"Because of that strike we made at the most powerful Sixes fleet two months ago, Sixes forces have had to be sent to different areas. The Aritia nebula was guarded by a fleet of Sixes ships for 400 years, they must think the nebula is insignificant now," Johnstone said.

"With that coaxial drive we will be able to escape big battles if necessary, when the war is over we can use the drive to get home," Lilly said.

"Why don't we use it to get home first?" Tom asked.

"Tom, we're allied with the Ligers, we have to help them stop this threat. We're no help in the Alpha Quadrant," Kathryn replied.

"Yes we are. We can give the technology to Starfleet and they can reproduce it. Then they can send more ships to fight," Tom said.

"That could work," Lilly said.

"I thought the Ligers had rules against giving technology away," Harry said.

"Duh, you're our allies, we're allowed to give technology to allies. Secondly it wasn't our technology in the first place. The ship was taken over two years before the stasis incident, and the aliens installed the drive," Johnstone said.

"We have another problem, though," Lilly said.

"And what is that?" Kathryn asked.

"Quite a lot of our crew were transferred to the other Dellia ships, we haven't got enough crewmembers to man the Dellia Z5," Lilly replied.

"I suppose we could temporarily transfer members of our crew to your ship," Chakotay said.

"That's a good idea," Lilly said. Kathryn looked around the table.

"Tom, Craig, Tani, B'Elanna, James, Jessie, Morgan, you are all ordered to join Lilly & Emma onboard the Z5," Kathryn said.

"But mum, I don't want to put up with Tani," Morgan moaned.

"And I don't want to put up with her," Tani moaned.

"Work it out, you two, everyone dismissed," Kathryn said. Everyone stood up and they all headed towards the doors. What they didn't know was that somebody was conveniently spying on them.

Seventh Voyager:
Damien was watching everything on a computer screen. Phoebe was standing behind him, also watching.

"So, that's what they're up to," Damien muttered.

"We can't let them get that coaxial drive, the last thing we want is the entire Federation going against us," Phoebe said.

"They won't get a hold of that coaxial drive, we will take it for ourselves," Damien said in his evil tone of voice.

"Damien, Phoebe, Voyager and the Z5 is entering the nebula!" Tom yelled. Phoebe and Damien rushed back over to the main part of the Bridge.

"It's time. Kimmy, release that probe," Damien ordered.

"Kimmy?" Harry muttered.

"Just do it Kim," Phoebe growled.

"Fine," Harry said loudly. "I hate my surname, I really do," he mumbled under his breath.

"Can I ask, what is the point of the probe?" Chakotay asked.

"That'll generate a signal, it'll get Voyager's attention so they'll leave the Z5 to investigate. By the time they get here we'll have already gone and taken over the Z5 and the F9," Damien replied.

"That's the best plan you've ever come up with," Chakotay said in an impressed tone.

"It's still terrible," Tom whispered. Phoebe threw a brick at his head and he fell unconscious.

"Damn, we need a new pilot," Phoebe muttered.

"Fool," Damien grumbled.

"Can I fly?" Chakotay asked. All red-shirts left the Bridge to commit suicide while everyone else started writing their wills.

"No you bloody can not!" Phoebe snapped. Kiara ran onto the Bridge.

"Can I fly?" Kiara asked. The yellow-shirts left to commit suicide too.

"No, no, no," Phoebe moaned. Everyone noticed that Craig had sat at the helm.

"Oh dear," almost everyone muttered.

"Well he hasn't flown the ship before, he might be good," Phoebe said.

"Are you saying Kiara flew this ship," Damien asked.

"Twice," Kiara said.

"Twice? You only flown once.... oh that may explain how we flew straight through a planet last week," Phoebe said

"That wasn't me, that was Chakotay," Kiara said.

"Oh never mind," Phoebe said, she hit Chakotay on the head with another brick. He fell unconscious next to Tom.

"Tell that blonde haired freak to set a course for the nebula," Damien said.

"But Tom's unconscious," Phoebe said.

"The un-natural blonde," Damien muttered.

"Hey, this is natural!" Seven squealed. Damien started headbutting the nearest station.

"The guy at the helm!" Damien yelled as he stopped his headbutting.

"Oh, right, you heard him Craig," Phoebe said.

"Aye, aye Captain," Craig said and he started pressing some buttons. The ship lurched forward forcing a few innocent crewmembers to fall onto the floor.

"Kim, activate the cloak, we don't want the Z5 to detect us yet," Damien said.

"Er, I don't know how to use the cloak, it's a new thing," Harry muttered. The headbutting began again.

The Dellia Z5:
Lilly, Emma, Craig, B'Elanna, Tom, Jessie, James, Tani, Morgan & Johnstone were all on the Bridge.

"Ok, the following jobs are available since they're usually for main characters. Engineering workers, Tactical officer, Opps officer, pilot and there's a few spaces open for security teams," Lilly said.

"I call pilot," Tom said.

"Is there anybody in charge in Engineering?" B'Elanna asked.

"Well sorta, it's a guest star who isn't in the guest list," Lilly replied.

"He or she is relieved," B'Elanna said.

"Er, ok. Anybody else?" Lilly asked.

"Can I work at tactical?" Emma asked.

"Er..." Lilly said.

"Lil, she would be better off in the security teams," Johnstone pointed out.

"Er, good idea. Anybody else who's just as blood lusted as Emma should take the security team job," Lilly said.

"Do I count?" Morgan asked.

"No, I don't think so, anyway we need a good first officer," Lilly replied.

"Hey, I thought that's what I was," Johnstone protested.

"Yeah but you're not a main character," Lilly said.

"Fine, anyway I think it would be quicker if we chose their jobs," Johnstone said.

"I agree. Morgan, first officer and opps officer. Craig, tactical. Tom, pilot. B'Elanna, Tani, James & Jessie, engineering. Emma and James 2, security," Lilly said.

"Er, am I in Engineering or on the Security team?" Johnstone asked.

"I told you before, you're known as James 2, unless you want to be called Jimbo or Jimmy," Lilly said.

"So I'm on the Security team then," Johnstone muttered.

"Better," Lilly said.

"Another prob, we're one member short of security personnel," Johnstone said.

"Yeah, we need more than two listed main/guest stars," Lilly said. Evil C conveniently appeared.

"Hey, who stole my chain-saw?" he asked loudly. Emma tried to look innocent as she held two chain-saws behind her back.

"He'll do, he's listed," Lilly said.

"Ohno, I'm stuck with two chain-saw obsessed characters," Johnstone moaned.

"Don't worry James 2, they're really nice when you get to know them. Anyone will tell you that," Lilly said.

"Look I don't mind being with them, it's them having chain-saws that worries me," Johnstone said. Marill appeared with another chain-saw and she handed it to Johnstone.

"Will this shut you up?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Johnstone replied quietly. Marill disappeared again.

In: "Janeway to the Z5."

Lilly tapped her commbadge,

"Yeah?" she replied.

In: "We have to go out of the nebula to check something out, we'll be about an hour."

"Right, okay," Lilly said.

"Ooh, ooh, Captain can you bring me a souvenir?" Tom asked. Everyone groaned.

"Ooh, I found some bricks," Evil C said.

"Er, doesn't matter," Tom muttered.

In: "What's Clive doing onboard your ship?"

"I don't know, I think it has something to do with the writers," Lilly replied.

In: "I'm not going to ask them, ugh, we'd better be going. Janeway out."

Engineering, ten minutes later:
B'Elanna, James, Jessie & Tani were stuck at different consoles. James, Jessie & Tani obviously didn't know what they were doing. B'Elanna stopped what she was doing to look at the three confused people. She shook her head and returned to work. Tani lost her temper and she hit the console really hard. She then walked over to James' console.

"Hiya, stuck?" Tani asked.

"Just a little," James muttered in response.

"I think I can help," Tani said.

"How?" James asked. He hit the console, a crack was left behind. "Oops, that's the second time I've done that today," he said as he turned away from the console.

Morgan walked into the room, and she headed over to Jessie's console. Jessie was watching Tani and James so she didn't notice Morgan coming over.

"Hi, Jess, how ya doing?" Morgan asked. Jessie wasn't paying any attention. Morgan turned to look where Jessie was looking.

Suddenly Tani trapped James against the wall, and she started kissing him! Jessie stormed out of the room. Morgan just made her way over to Tani. She took a hold of her arm and she literally threw her off James.

"Oh sorry, Tani, I didn't see you there," Morgan said sarcastically and she walked over to where Tani was lying. Tani pulled herself to her feet.

"What's your problem, Morgan, I thought you didn't fancy him?" Tani asked.

"I don't, you just made me feel ill so I decided to put a stop to it," Morgan replied.

"Yeah, yeah, Morgan, you're just jealous," Tani said.

"Oh please, spare me your crap. I was just helping friends in need, so get lost," Morgan said. Tani headed towards the door in disgust.

"Thanks Morgan, I owe you one," James said.

"Yeah, you do, pay up," Morgan said and she held out her hand.

"What? But you said..." James said.

"I was only joking, Tani must of messed with your mind. If I were you I'd take a shower, you'll have Tani germs," Morgan said. B'Elanna walked over.

"What happened here? And where's Tani & Jessie?" she asked.

"Tani, who cares about her, she's just a slut on legs," Morgan replied.

"What about Jessie?" B'Elanna asked.

"I don't know, she just stormed out of the room. I mean I was angry too when I saw that slut, er, doing something to James," Morgan replied.

"Er, can someone fill me in?" B'Elanna asked.

"I wouldn't say that, where I come from that line basically means, can someone beat me up," James said.

"Er, ok, just tell me what happened," B'Elanna muttered.

"Tani started kissing James, believe it or not. I managed to stop her," Morgan said.

"Er, that's, er nice. I suspect Jessie left because she was jealous," B'Elanna said.

"Jealous of what?" James asked. B'Elanna and Morgan groaned.

"Idiot," they both muttered.

The Bridge:
"We're in transporter range of the F9," Tom said.

"Good, who should we send aboard?" Lilly asked.

"Don't ask me, you're the Captain," Tom replied.

"Oh yeah, cool. Maybe we should send the unimportant characters over," Lilly said.

"You'd better get going Captain, hehehe," Tom laughed.

"Oh my, did Clive leave behind a brick," Lilly said.

"What?" Tom asked, a few seconds later a brick hit the back of his head and he fell unconscious.

"Oops, oh well, I doubt we'll need a pilot for a while anyway," Lilly said.

"Er, Lilly," Craig said.

"Call me Captain. Sir and the All Mighty One is also acceptable," Lilly said.

"Sir, two things. 1, I suggest taking Emma and Clive over since they're security crewmembers, and I think Morgan and James should go over, since there's a lot of wreckage around the ship, and they're the only ones strong enough to move it," Craig said.

"Good idea, what was the second thing?" Lilly asked.

"I've got a question. Have you gone mad with power?" Craig asked.

"Of course not," Lilly replied and she sat down in her chair. "Somebody get me a black coffee," Lilly said.

"I thought you didn't like coffee," Craig said. Lilly stood back up and she put her hands on her hips.

"I don't, I just want to know why Captains have addictions to coffee and/or tea," Lilly said.

"Explain the hands on hips," Craig said. Lilly looked down at herself and she quickly put her hands down at her sides.

"Say another word and you'll be in the brig," Lilly said.

"Word," Craig said.

"That's not funny, to the brig with you," Lilly said.

"Where's the brig?" Craig asked. Lilly collapsed into her chair and groaned.

"Forget it, just shut up. Tell Emma, James, Morgan and that Clive person to beam over in ten minutes," Lilly groaned.

"Yes sir," Craig said.

Somewhere that's like a mess hall:
Tani walked in through the main door. She looked around and she headed over to a table where Jessie was sitting.

"Hi Jess," she said and she sat down next to her.

"Go away," Jessie muttered.

"I guess jealousy was rearing it's ugly head ten minutes ago," Tani said.

"I said go away," Jessie said.

"Well, jealousy doesn't get you anywhere. Anyway, you shouldn't be mad at me, he was the one who kissed me," Tani said.

"Yeah right. I saw you two, you forced him into it," Jessie said.

"Yeah, and he kissed me back," Tani said.

"No he didn't, I could tell," Jessie said.

"How, you weren't kissing him," Tani said.

"He looked scared stiff," Jessie said.

"Oh come on, you left before he did kiss me back," Tani said.

"Don't lie to me. James would never fall for a slut like you," Jessie said.

"Oh but I think he has," Tani said.

"No he hasn't!" Jessie screeched a little too loudly. Everyone else turned to look at her.

"Why do you think that?" Tani asked.

"I've kissed him a few times myself, it doesn't mean anything," Jessie replied.

"And you're calling me the slut!" Tani snapped.

"That's because you are," Jessie said.

"Look, whether you like it or not, he's mine. There's nothing that'll convince me otherwise," Tani said.

"Really, what if he had a son?" Jessie asked.

"Oh come on, Jess. He doesn't have a son," Tani said.

"He does. Me and him were drunk during the love spell, and I got pregnant," Jessie said.

"What, you're pregnant!" Tani stuttered. Everyone turned to look at them both again.

"No, you divvy. There was an accident, so the child had to be transferred to B'Elanna, you can ask her yourself," Jessie said.

"Are you saying Duncan's your son," Tani said.

"Yes, but don't tell Tom," Jessie said.

"Oh great, thanks for sharing. Oh crap, I've got images of you and James, doing stuff. The images, I'm blind. The images, are destroying me," Tani moaned.

"That's cool," Jessie said.

"No it isn't, you slut," Tani said.

In: "Morgan to Tani, stop thinking about a certain pair having sex, it's disgusting, quit it!"

"That's it, I'm outta here, you might give me images, and that's the last thing I want," Jessie said and she left the room. Tani tapped her commbadge.

"Morgan, stop reading my mind," Tani said.

In: "It was bad enough reading your mind when you were kissing James, now this. Ugh, you know I can't control my mind reading abilities."

"Charizard, why did you write that word. You know I have a rule against it," Marill's voice said.

"Moan, moan. It's only a word, geez. It's not like I'm describing what happened," Charizard said.

"Ugh, I don't feel well," Marill said.

"Morgan, is what Jessie said true?" Tani asked.

In: "Yeah, the guy you're in love with is a dad, sucks to be you. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an away mission to go on."

Tani growled, she stood up and she stormed out of the room.

The Dellia F9:
Four figures dematerialised in a dark corridor. Wreckage was lying everywhere.

"I wonder what happened here," Morgan said as she looked around.

"Who cares, the main question is there any 400 year old risen from the dead people onboard?" Emma asked as she switched on her chain-saw.

"I bloody well hope not," Morgan muttered.

"It can't be as scary as Tani trying to stick her tongue down your throat. I think I need another shower after this mission," James muttered. Emma and Evil C looked at each, they giggled.

"That's it Charizard, give me that pad, you're making me ill," Marill said.

"What have I done now?" Charizard asked.

"Come on, lets spilt up," Morgan said and she dragged James with her as she walked off down the corridor. Emma walked off down a different corridor.

"Here zombies, come to mummy," Emma said as she revved up her chain-saw. Evil C ran to catch up with her.

"Captain, we've reached the source of that signal we detected," Harry said.

"Good, well?" Kathryn asked.

"It's a probe... from Seventh Voyager," Harry replied.

"That means they're in the area. Red Alert," Kathryn ordered. The lights darkened, the red light started flashing and the siren started to go off.

"Helm, take us away from here," Chakotay ordered. The girl at the helm turned around to look at Chakotay.

"Aye, aye, sir!" Naomi exclaimed and she turned back around. Harry squealed when he saw her and he ran out. Kathryn groaned.

"Triah, take opps," Kathryn said.

"Yes ma'am," Triah replied and she headed towards the opps station.

"There's no sign of Seventh Voyager in the area," Tuvok said. Opps started making beepy noises.

"Captain, if these sensors are working..." Triah said. Everyone screamed.

"Not Caretaker again!" everyone but Naomi yelled.

"Eh?" Naomi muttered.

"Er, I'll say that differently. If I'm right, five Sixes... that was a mouthful, ships are heading our way. They're charging weapons," Triah said. Everyone stopped complaining about the Caretaker.

"Damn, I really like saying Red Alert. Stand down," Kathryn ordered.

"Er, yes Captain," Tuvok said and he followed orders.

"Great, Red Alert. I love saying that," Kathryn said.

"You know if you spelt said with out the I, it would spell sad," Naomi said.

"No argument there," Chakotay muttered.

The Dellia F9:
"Hey cool, I found those stasis units," Morgan said.

"Is that good?" James asked.

"Yeah of course, it makes the episode more interesting in the end," Morgan replied.

"Whatever, I have a feeling that something bad's going to happen to me," James said.

"Yeah, maybe a girl that's just like Tani will come out of stasis," Morgan said. She and James shuddered at the thought of it.

"I hope not, it's bad enough with just Tani," James said.

"You think you've got it bad. I was reading her mind earlier and I had to go to Sickbay to cure my nausea," Morgan said.

"What was she thinking about?" James asked.

"Er, she found out about Duncan, for some reason she was imagining, er you and Jess, er doing stuff, if you know what I mean," Morgan replied.

"Er, okay. Why was she thinking about that?" James asked.

"God only knows. I've never understood that girl," Morgan replied. The ship shook violently and a few bits of wreckage fell to the ground. Morgan tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Johnstone, what the hell's going on?"

In: "Seventh Voyager suddenly appeared out of nowhere and they began attacking us. Luckily we can easily fight them off."

"Lucky for you, don't you mean. This ship is as unstable as Annika," Morgan said.

In: "Don't worry, we'll beam you and the stasis units out."

"What about the coaxial drive?" James asked.

In: "Er, Uhoh. We've got a problem."

"What?" Morgan asked.

In: "We can't beam you up, Seventh Voyager has blocked the signal, they've transported twenty crewmembers to the F9."

"Well, at least none of those will survive once Emma and Clive get their chain-saws onto them," Morgan said.

In: "Er, ok. Don't worry, we'll try to..."

"Crap, we've lost the signal," Morgan said.

"Er, that's not the only thing we've lost," James said, Morgan turned to look where he was looking. More than six Seventh Voyager crewmembers, one being Damien, had entered the room, and were pointing weapons at them.

"The creep is right, you've lost your freedom. Take them away," Damien said. The other five crewmembers headed towards Morgan and James.

The Dellia Z5:
"Can't you get a lock on them?" Lilly asked.

"No, we a strange signal is blocking the transporter signal. Now this is strange, it's only blocking the awayteam. We can still beam the stasis units aboard," Craig said.

"Do it, and keep trying to beam out the awayteam," Lilly ordered.

"Yes sir," Craig replied.

The Dellia F9:
Emma and Evil C were walking down another dark corridor.

"God this place is boring, no dead bodies anywhere," Emma moaned.

"There's one," Evil C said as he pointed to a skeleton.

"Yeah but it's not moving," Emma moaned. They both heard movement behind them. They both turned around quickly. "That's better," Emma said and she revved up her chain-saw.

Eight Seventh Voyager crewmembers were at the end of the corridor.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you, these phasers are on kill," one crewmember said.

"This is not fair, what's the point of having a chain-saw if you can't use it!" Emma moaned.

Meanwhile on Seventh Voyager:
In: "I have them, beam us aboard, and put a tractor beam on the F9."

"Sir, that isn't as easy as it looks. The Z5 has done a lot of damage to the ship," Phoebe said.

In: "Just beam me aboard, is that too much to ask?"

"You heard him, Harry," Phoebe said.

"Oh so it's Harry now is it," Harry muttered. Phoebe passed him a death glare, Harry decided to continue working.

Five minutes later:
Damien walked back onto the Bridge, he went straight over to tactical.

"What are you doing?" Tuvok asked.

"Watch and learn," Damien replied.

Seventh Voyager's shields changed colour. The Z5 fired torpedo's at them, as soon as they hit the shields they bounced back towards the Z5.

The Dellia Z5:
"What the hell happened?" Lilly asked.

"I don't know, somehow that ship has re-modulated their shields so that any weapons will backfire," Craig said.

"Lock a tractor beam on the F9, and lets get out of here," Lilly said.

"Yes sir," Craig & Tom said in unison.

The Z5 locked it's tractor beam onto the F9 and both ships headed out of the nebula.

"Captain, Seventh Voyager is pursuing," Tom said.

"We're being hailed," Jessie said.

"Lets hear it," Lilly said.

In: "Don't think you've won, we have a nice little surprise for you"

"Lilly, they've fired a beam at the tractor beam," Jessie said.

"What kind of beam?" Lilly asked.

"I don't know. This ain't good, the tractor beam has been disengaged," Jessie said.

"I don't believe it, they've put a tractor beam on the F9," Craig said.

"How is that possible, we damaged their tractor emitters," Lilly asked.

"They're retreating," Tom said.

"After them, now!" Lilly commanded.

"Yes, sir," Tom said.

Seventh Voyager:
"They're pursuing," Tom sneered.

"Tuvok, Kim, you know what to do," Damien said. Tuvok & Harry nodded.

A shuttle flew out of the bay and it flew towards the Z5. Seventh Voyager fired a few torpedo's and they jumped into warp, taking the F9 with it. The torpedos hit the shuttle and it exploded. A shockwave hit the Z5 and it stopped dead in it's tracks.

The Dellia Z5:
Everything was a mess, two fires had started, and smoke was going everywhere.

"Report!" Lilly yelled.

"They had a bomb on the shuttle, near the warp core. It detonated causing a warp core breach," Craig replied.

"Very clever, how could Seventh Voyager think up something like that," Lilly said.

"We have severe damage on all decks, life support is down on decks 4 to 7, and the micro decks have been flooded with radiation from the nebula," Jessie said.

"Evacuate those decks," Lilly ordered.

"It's no use, we keep having hull breaches, if this keeps going on all decks will be affected with radiation," Jessie said.

"There's nothing we can do in this nebula, Tom take us out," Lilly ordered.

"Yes ma'am, er I mean sir," Tom said. Lilly tapped her commbadge.

"B'Elanna, what's the status on the warp core?" Lilly asked.

In: "We were lucky, we nearly had a core breach. We won't have warp drive for another five hours."

"But those creeps have taken James and the others," Jessie said.

"I know, but we can't do anything more," Lilly said.

"What about Voyager, can't we contact them? We can't just sit here doing nothing!" Jessie snapped.

"Geez, Jessie calm down, yelling's not going to bring back your boyfriend," Tom said. Suddenly he was knocked out after a brick hit him in the back of his head.

"I'd really like to know where all those bricks keep coming from," Lilly muttered.

"We can't contact Voyager, communications have just went dead," Craig said.

"Craig, Jessie, help B'Elanna in Engineering. Tell her the warp drive and communications are our top priority," Lilly said.

Seventh Voyager, the Brig:
"That was too easy," Phoebe sniggered.

"What do you expect, you people have been failing because I haven't been here," Damien said.

"Yes sir, that's true," Phoebe said. Chakotay and Tuvok groaned.

"Sucker upper," they both muttered.

"Shut up! Go back to the Bridge!" Phoebe yelled.

"With pleasure," Tuvok said.

"Yeah, your sucking up is making me ill," Chakotay said. He and Tuvok walked out.

"What should we do with our four prisoners?" Phoebe asked.

"Keep the black haired girl here for interrogation. I have no idea who that other guy is, so you can keep him here for interrogation too. Take James and that girl with the brown hair to Sickbay. Your Doctor keeps some good acids and viruses in there, they'll be good for torture equipment," Damien replied.

"Yes sir," Phoebe said.

Sickbay, minutes later:
Security officers had tied Emma and James to separate biobeds. Damien was sorting out some equipment not to far away. When he finished he nodded his head to the security officers. They left the room.

"Do you two know how long I have waited for this day to come?" Damien asked as he walked over to Emma holding a hypospray.

"God, this guy has bad breath," Emma muttered. Damien injected her with the hypospray.

"This will take some time to take affect, but once it does it'll cause some mild pain in your stomach. I can do a lot worse than this, so if you insult me again I will use all of the equipment at my disposal," Damien said.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" James asked.

"I'll give you a clue, I want to torture you two because you both killed me in two episodes," Damien replied.

"Ohno," James groaned.

"Ugh, I feel sick," Emma muttered.

"That'll be the virus I injected," Damien said.

"No, I don't think so. I always felt sick when I saw you," Emma said. Damien ignored her and he walked over to James' biobed.

"Tell me, do you have your Victreebell with you?" Damien asked.

"No, I left it on Voyager," James replied.

"Damn, I'll have to get it later, for now I'll just have to make do with it's master," Damien said. He walked over to the equipment tray and he picked up another hypospray. He walked back over to James. He injected the hypospray into his arm. "This is my favourite virus, just wait until it reaches the brain, that's when the fun begins," Damien said.

"What does it do?" Emma asked.

"I don't know the technical stuff, all I know is that it causes a lot of pain, after a day it can cause severe brain damage, that's when the person infected dies a horrible painful death," Damien said and he injected Emma with the same virus.

"You're a big pile of s**t, did you know that?" Emma asked.

"Oh I can't wait for the virus to take affect," Damien said. He headed back over to the equipment tray and he picked up another hypospray. He injected it into Emma, she screamed in pain. "Hehe, that one is another favourite, did you like it?" Damien asked.

"B****rd," James muttered. Damien walked over to him.

"Do you have something to say? If so say it to the hypospray," Damien said.

"I said you were a b****rd, so what," James said. Damien shook his head, he injected James with the hypospray too.

"Some people never learn," Damien muttered and he walked into the Doctor's office.

The Dellia Z5:
Lilly was in her office, doing nothing as usual.

In: "Paris to Johnstone. We have revived the entire F9 crew, one wants to speak with you privately."

"I wonder who," Lilly muttered sarcastically.

In: "Should I send him in?"

"Yeah why not," Lilly replied and she tapped her commbadge. The door opened and a guy her age walked in. "Well, this is a surprise," Lilly said in a sarcastic way.

"Your crew told me what happened," the guy said.

"So?" Lilly muttered.

"I thought I'd tell you just in case you decided to tell the story again," the guy said.

"Ok fine, you can go," Lilly said.

"Lilly, why are you still angry with me? What happened is literally ancient history," the guy asked.

"Scot, I said you can go," Lilly said.

"No, I think we should work this out," the guy said.

"There's nothing to work out, this isn't the time," Lilly said.

"Look, I don't know how many times I have to apologise to you, what do I have to do to get my best friend back," Scot asked.

"Nothing, you embarrassed me in front of everyone, I can't accept any apologies," Lilly replied.

"Lil, please, I really am sorry," Scot said.

"Just go, this isn't a good time," Lilly muttered. Scot just looked at her for a few seconds longer and he walked out.

Four minutes later, the Bridge:
"Still? I thought she would of forgiven you by now," Johnstone said.

"That's Lilly for you, she's stubborn," Scot muttered. Tom turned to look their way.

"So are you Lilly's boyfriend?" he asked.

"No! We were friends," Scot replied.

"Were? What happened?" Tom asked.

"Long story," Scot replied.

"Do tell," Tom said.

"I wouldn't, if it's embarrassing he'll probably laugh at you," Jessie said.

"I would not, if it was you then I would laugh," Tom said. Jessie found another brick and she threw it at him, as usual he fell unconscious.

"Well, it all happened two years before we went into stasis..."

Flashback: June 2100:
"Er, I thought all this happened 400 years ago, not nearly 300," Jessie said.

"Look, your dimension is a century behind ours. Humans were in space while the humans in your dimension were in hippy outfits," Johnstone said.

"I thought that was in the 60's not the 70's," Jessie muttered.

The Dellia F9:
"Er, why did you change the name?" Lilly asked the admiral on the viewscreen.

"Lilly, you can't name a ship after yourself," the admiral replied.

"But I named a lot of the past ships the same thing, why didn't you complain then," Lilly asked.

"I don't know, that's not the point," the admiral said.

"But I don't like the new name," Lilly moaned.

"Sorry Lilly, you can't have your own way this time," the admiral said and the viewscreen switched off.

"B****rd," Lilly muttered.

"It's only a name, Lil," Scot pointed out in a comforting way.

"Yeah, but I was so used to the original name," Lilly muttered.

"I liked it too," Scot said.

"Geez, that must mean you like her name," a girl at the helm muttered.

"I do, it's pretty," Scot said. The girl pretended to be sick.

"Stop that, you're embarrassing me in front of my crew," Lilly said.

"Sorry, Lil. Er, can we talk in private for a minute?" Scot asked.

"Ohno, here we go," the girl muttered. A lad, who was at the back of the Bridge, just sniggered.

"Nah, I hate that stuffy office," Lilly replied ignoring the girl's comment.

"But, I'd prefer in private," Scot said.

"Why?" Lilly asked.

"It's rather personal," Scot replied.

"Teehee," the girl giggled.

"Carly, shut up!" Scot yelled.

"Scot, nothing you'd say would embarrass me," Lilly said.

"But Lil, you got embarrassed when he said your name was pretty," Carly pointed out.

"Yeah, I admit that's the only thing that was embarrassing," Lilly said.

"Ok, fine, but if you get embarrassed, don't blame me," Scot said.

"Teehee," Carly giggled.

"Carly, quit it," Lilly moaned.

"Sorry," Carly muttered.

"Erm, here goes. Nobody laugh," Scot said,

"Teehee, only joking," Carly said.

"Erm, Lil, I think that, erm..." Scot muttered.

"Spill it out man!" Carly yelled. Scot and Lilly glared at her so she actually decided to shut up.

"The only way to say it is to say it, I think I have a crush on you," Scot said quietly.

"Teehee," Johnstone giggled.

"Hey, are you related to Carly?" Jessie asked.

"Don't insult me like that," Johnstone replied.

"Teehee," Carly giggled.

"You what?" Lilly grumbled.

"Well I did ask to speak to you in private," Scot muttered.

"I didn't think you would say that, ever," Lilly said.

"Neither did I," Scot replied.

"Teehee," Carly giggled. Lilly glared at her again.

"Is this going anywhere?" Jessie asked.

Out of flashback:
"What happened afterwards?" Jessie asked.

"Well we both got called to Engineering. In the turbolift, I, er, kissed her, I don't know why," Scot said.

"Everytime I hear that I feel sick, my sister for goodness sake," Johnstone moaned.

"Yeah, whatever, now you understand my problem," Scot said.

"Definitely, I know what it's like," Jessie said.

"How?" Johnstone asked.

"I've had fall outs with my best friend a couple of times," Jessie replied.

"Yeah, but I bet it wasn't as bad as this," Scot said.

"I think after all this is over you and I should talk," Jessie said.

"Oh dear, you weren't as stupid as he was, were you? I mean nobody is stupid enough to kiss their best friend," Johnstone said. Jessie & Scot glared at him. "Ohno, another idiot, I'm surrounded by idiots," Johnstone moaned. Jessie punched him in the face and he fell unconscious.

"That's better," Jessie muttered.

In: "Torres to the Bridge. We have communications working."

"Thank god for that," Jessie said and she walked over to the opps station. She started working at it. "I'll send a distress call to Voyager, maybe they can help get the F9 back," Jessie said.

"Why would this Seventh Voyager want an old ship?" Scot asked.

"They probably wanted the coaxial drive," Jessie replied and she continued working. The commlink opened. "Voyager, we need help. Seventh Voyager attacked and they took the F9, also they've kidnapped James, Emma, Morgan and that Clive person. Our warp drive is off-line so we can't rescue them," Jessie said.

"I take it this is your first distress call," Scot muttered.

"Don't criticise," Jessie said.

"Yeah, I learned the hard way," Johnstone groaned from the floor.

Seventh Voyager:
Damien had walked back into the office.

"Er, do you think we're going to get out of this one?" Emma asked. The rope that had tied James' right arm down finally snapped.

"Does that answer your question?" James replied.

"God it's handy having a slayer around," Emma muttered.

James quickly untied himself and Emma. Emma picked up as much of the hyposprays as she could.

"Hehe, this'll be good payback," Emma giggled.

"Give me some," James said.

"Nah, they're mine," Emma replied.

"So, you think you can escape from me?" Damien's voice said. Emma and James turned around and they saw Damien holding a phaser. "Yes, it's on kill," Damien said. Suddenly the ship shook violently and Damien was thrown off balance.

"Show time," Emma giggled. She randomly picked a hypospray from the ones she had. Damien got back onto his feet, he bent down to pick up the phaser but somebody stood on his hand.

"Don't try it," James said.

"You love doing that now, don't you?" Emma said.

"I love doing this too," James muttered, and he punched Damien in the face, he fell back onto the floor. Emma grinned and rolled her eyes as she walked over to Damien. She injected Damien with the hypospray. He screamed in agony for a few seconds, then he fell unconscious.

"That was a cool one," Emma giggled.

"I wonder what it was," James muttered.

"Meh, who cares, lets go and rescue Morgan and Clive," Emma said and she ran through the door, James followed as the ship shook again.

The Bridge:
"Return fire," Phoebe ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Tuvok replied.

"I don't get it, how did they get away from that Sixes Fleet," Tom muttered.

"Who bloody cares," Harry moaned.

"Shields are down to 10%," Tuvok said.

"I told ya, Tom," Harry said.

"Damn, my bet was on the Damien death ending," Tom groaned.

"Tom, you know the drill," Phoebe muttered.

"You do realise of course that they're going to follow us until we give them their crewmembers back," Chakotay said.

"They can chase us but they won't get anywhere, Tom get that coaxial drive on-line," Phoebe ordered.

"Er, okay," Tom muttered and he pressed a few more buttons.

Fifth Voyager:
"Captain, they're powering up their coaxial drive," Naomi said.

"We won't be able to catch them if they use it," Triah said.

"Tuvok, one more hit should disable their shields. Triah, beam our people aboard when their shields go down," Kathryn ordered.

"Yes Captain," Tuvok & Triah said in unison.

Seventh Voyager:
"Shields are down!" Tuvok exclaimed.

"Damn it Tom, get that coaxial drive on now!" Phoebe yelled.

"Too late, they've got their crew back," Harry said.

"Powering coaxial drive," Tom said.

Fifth Voyager:
"Your orders, Captain," Tuvok asked.

"Destroy that thing," Kathryn ordered.

"Aye Captain," Tuvok replied.

Seventh Voyager just barely missed the torpedo hit, the torpedo detonated. The shockwave hit the ship as it jumped into coaxial warp. Suddenly it exploded.

"Naomi, get us out of here, now!" Kathryn ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Naomi said.

Voyager swerved to the right and it jumped into warp, a few seconds later the shockwave spread throughout the area, destroying everything in it's path.

Captains Log Stardate....er 54, er line...

"54262.7," Chakotay muttered.

Right, what he said. Anyway, Seventh Voyager has been destroyed, and we have gotten the Dellia F9 back to it's rightful owners. Unfortunately the coaxial drive was destroyed when Seventh Voyager was blown up so we've blown another chance to get home. Another misfortune is that the war between the Ligers and the Sixes has not ended, so we're still involved in it. The Dellia Z6 & Z4 has left us permanently, but the F9 & Z5 will be still with us.

The Mess Hall:
"Then I punched him in the face, it was so fun," James said.

"I bet, I've always wanted to do that," Jessie said.

"Ugh, he's showing off to Jessie again," Emma muttered quietly.

"Teehee," Carly giggled.

"Ohno, where did you come from," Scot moaned.

"Stasis, duh," Carly replied. Evil C and Lilly walked up to the table.

"I got your dumb note, I told you, there's no chance in us being friends again," Lilly said to Scot and she stormed off again.

"Wow, she's still mad about what happened," Carly said.

"Yeah, I don't know why," Scot said.

"That offer's still open you know," Jessie said.

"Cool, thanks," Scot said.

"What offer?" James asked.

"I promised him that I would talk with him about, stuff," Jessie replied.

"Stuff? Er, ok, can I join in?" James asked.

"Well, since I'm going to be talking about you then why not," Jessie replied.

"Teehee," Carly giggled.

"Is that all you ever say?" Evil C asked.

"Er, teehee," Carly replied.

"By the way, Clive, did you ask Harry out for me?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, he said no thanks, he said he was busy hiding from Naomi tonight," Evil C replied.

"Oh damn," Emma groaned.

"You know, we could go to the holodeck together," Evil C said.

"Yeah sure, I had nothing planned. I have this holodeck program where you can practice killing Damien and his rabbit army," Emma said.

"Oh cool," Evil C said.

"Teehee, can I come with?" Carly asked.

"No," Evil C said.

"Damn, killing evil people is fun," Carly muttered.

"Emma, what's the program's name?" James asked.

"Er, I think it's DamienBETA," Emma replied.

"Cool, I'll go tomorrow," James said.

"Mind, it's a little bloody," Emma said.

"Er, ok I'll keep that in mind," James muttered. Emma and Evil C walked away while talking about the holodeck program they were going too.

"So, er, what are you guys going to talk about?" Carly asked.

"Carly, get lost," Scot said.

"Oh fine, I know when I'm not wanted," Carly muttered and she walked away.

"So, er, what kind of advice can you give me?" Scot asked.

"Well, we've both had some break ups in the past, maybe telling you how we overcame them might help," Jessie said.

"Good, but I doubt you two have had the same problem me and Lilly have had," Scot said.

"We have, and we've had worse," Jessie said.

"Really? I'm listening," Scot said.

"We'll talk about more recent ones, since the readers won't know what we're talking about if we talked about incidents that happened before Voyager. Anyway, a recent one has been the incident with Duncan," Jessie said.

"Who?" Scot asked.

"Our son," James replied.

"Oh my god! You guys have had it worse than me, what happened? Were you drunk?" Scot asked.

"Yeah, and there was an alien love spell on the entire crew too," James replied.

"Oh, go on," Scot said.

"Well we find out that I was pregnant a month afterwards, I wanted an abortion, so I didn't tell him about the pregnancy. When he found out, well lets just say he was angry," Jessie said.

"So what did you do?" Scot asked.

"It was easy actually, we talked it over, and we made friends again," Jessie replied.

"We've been together too long to just suddenly hate each other over one little argument," James said.

"Oh, that's nice. I doubt that would work with Lilly. You were both willing to work things out, Lilly's not interested in being friends anymore. It's been too long," Scot said.

"Well, how long have you two been friends?" James asked.

"About fourteen years, I met her when we were two," Scot replied.

"You two have been together too long to just end a friendship over a silly kiss. Me and Jess were about seventeen when we got into an argument over something as silly as that, we were friends a day later. We only had each other in the end, so we had no choice but to talk things over. If you tell Lilly that it may help her understand," James said.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be able to think up something like that so quickly," Jessie said.

"I'll try that, you won't mind if I tell her about what you've two been through to compare," Scot asked.

"Er, don't mention that Duncan thing, we're trying to keep that a secret. Just tell her that we have been through something similar when we were that age," Jessie said.

"I will, thanks," Scot said as he stood up, James stood up too.

"One more thing, if you want Lilly as your friend as much as I want to stay friends with Jessie, then you'll never give up, right?" James asked.

"Yeah, thanks again," Scot replied and he walked away.

"Hey, we should be counsellors," Jessie said as James sat back down.

"Nah, I don't won't to be a Troi," James said.

"Morgan would be good at that, don't you think?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah, but I think we shouldn't tell her that," James replied.

"Have you noticed that this is the fourth episode with us in the last scene?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah, that can't be good, that used to be Annika's trademark in original Voyager," James replied. Marill appeared.

"Hmm, I'm changing the plot for the first time, I'll change scenes. I don't want my characters to turn into Annika," Marill said, she shuddered and she disappeared.

The Holodeck, the Nut House:
"Now then Annika, what would you do if the voices in your head told you to kill Morgan?" the Doctor asked.


"Er, ok, I think we're rushing this. We'll go back a bit further, shall we," the Doctor said.

Is Seventh Voyager gone for good? Has Damien died for the final time? Who is Carly and why is she always giggling? Was Jessie actually jealous about that incident with Tani and James, or did she just feel ill like the rest of us? Will Tani tell anybody the truth about Duncan? Find out the answers to maybe some of these questions next time on Fifth Voyager.


****THE END****

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