The Voyager Conspiracy
The catapult, known to the crew as the piece of s***, causes trouble for a few members of the crew.
Marill as herself
Raichu as herself
Marill & Raichu
24th March 2001
January 2376 (mid season 6)
It was another Talent Night. Most of the senior staff had left ages ago. Tom, Harry, Morgan, Tani, James, Jessie & Craig were the only ones there.
"Okay, who's up for a drinking contest?" Tom asked. Morgan and Craig put up their hands. Tani, James and Jessie ran for cover inside Neelix's kitchen.
Tom, Harry, Morgan & Craig sat at different tables. Morgan drank one glass and she started giggling uncontrollably. She didn't drink anymore.
Five minutes later, Tom, Harry and Craig were so drunk they kept falling over.
"Morgan, why did ya stop?" Craig said in a slurry voice. Morgan just laughed at him.
Tani, Jessie and James emerged from their hiding places. Tom and Harry headed out of the room.
"C'mon Harry, lets go bug Tuvblocks and the baldy nut," Tom said. Somehow he tripped over the door. Harry dragged him by the arms.
Jessie, James, Tani and Craig left the Mess Hall leaving Morgan laughing for no reason.
The door chime went off. Kathryn opened the door and right in front of her was a giggling Morgan. She waved with both hands.
"Hi!" she yelled.
"Morgan, you don't have to knock," Kathryn said. She stepped out of the way. Morgan stepped clumsily into the room. "Morgan, have you been drinking?"
"No! Drinking is bad," Morgan giggled. Kiara and Chakotay walked into the room. "Can I put some music on?"
"Yey! Music!" Kiara yelled out, clapping her hands repeatedly. Morgan put on her new playlist. The song 'Makin My Way' by Billie came on.
"Oh, this is so boring. Computer skip track," Morgan groaned. The song 'Get Happy' by B*Witched came on. Morgan started dancing really stupidly.
"Computer, turn that music off," Kathryn said. Morgan danced for a few seconds and then she stopped.
"Morgan, you should go to Sickbay," Chakotay said.
"No, I'm not going to see that boring old f***," Morgan replied and she stormed out of the room.
the following day:
"Cool, there's this tech thingamajig near by," Tani said from Seven's console.
"For a Borg, you're rather dumb," Tom muttered.
"Then what do you call it then?" Tani asked.
"A gigantic piece of s***," Tom replied.
"When did swearing become allowed in Star Trek episodes?" Harry muttered.
"When O'Brien swore I think. Everything's DS9's fault. First it bores people to death and then sets a bad example to children," Tom said.
"Makes sense," Harry muttered.
"Well Tommy boy, aren't you going to the gigantic piece of s***?" Tani asked.
"Why not, it beats Chakotay's nebula," Tom said and he changed course.
Kathryn and Chakotay walked into the Bridge. "Tom, where are we going?" Kathryn asked.
"To a gigantic piece of s***," Tom replied.
"Interesting," Tuvok muttered.
"What about my nebula?" Chakotay grumbled.
"That's boring," Tom grinned.
"Oh fine, is this going to be one of those episodes where we nearly get home but something goes terribly wrong?" Kathryn muttered.
"Something like that," Tani muttered. Seven and B'Elanna walked into the room.
"Captain, Seven told me there is some bugs in the ship somewhere," B'Elanna said.
"God, the scripts a bit thin," Tani muttered.
"The writers haven't seen the episode in yonks," Harry said.
Seven told her story about bugs and Neelix's food, makes a perfect combination. Everyone fell asleep or Marill forwarded the tape.
"Well lets go and see the bugs," Kathryn said in a hyper voice.
"Chakotay, what's she on today?" B'Elanna whispered.
"Coffee and Cherry Coke," Chakotay replied.
"Just like the writers," B'Elanna moaned.
"Oooh look at the pretty bugs!" Kathryn giggled.
"Seven, go to her quarters and ready room and make sure that she doesn't get anymore Cherry Coke," B'Elanna whispered. Seven stopped gloating and she left the jeffries tube.
"It's a catapult, wow," Tani muttered.
"It looks like a big ring to me," Tom muttered.
"Would you leave my piece of s*** alone," the alien guy said.
"Tom, what have you been saying to him?" Chakotay asked.
"I told him to go and wash his face, that make up is just so gross," Tom replied.
"Oooh that reminds me," Kathryn said and she ran towards the Ready Room.
"Tom, remind me to ban her from Cherry Coke," Chakotay muttered.
"No problem," Tom said.
"Er, hello I'm still here!" the alien guy yelled.
"Oh sorry, it's just nobody likes you. Now we will start hinting. Did you know we're 45,000 lightyears from home?" Chakotay said.
"Yes, you're gonna have to do something for me before I let you use my piece of s***," the alien guy said.
"I feel better already," Tom groaned.
"So, have you run into an old geezer before?" Kathryn asked.
"My grandad?" the alien guy asked.
"Well no. It's just your thingamajig is similar to the Caretakers," Kathryn said. Seven and B'Elanna groaned.
"To get to the point, did you get that tetrion reactor from an array six years ago?" B'Elanna asked.
"No, I was home six years ago. I stole that reactor, I was that desperate," the alien guy said.
"Oh stuff it. B'Elanna continue helping him fixing his reactor thing," Kathryn said. She and Seven started to walk out of the room.
"Haven't we missed a few scenes?" Seven asked.
"Nah! Anyway, any thoughts?" Kathryn asked.
"I still believe that, that reactor was from the array, can I check the sensor logs?" Seven asked.
"Oh sure, and don't find any conspiracies," Kathryn said.
"What?" Seven asked.
"Only joking," Kathryn said as she left the room with a big grin on her face.
"Is that a tractor beam?" Seven asked.
"Insufficient sensor data."
"Who fired those really cool weapons that looked like the Enterprise E's torpedoes?" Seven asked.
"Oh for god sake! The writers can't remember the name of the weapons so just tell me who bloody fired them!" Seven exclaimed.
Morgan (who was obviously still drunk), Tani, Jessie, James and Craig came into the Bridge. Tani was holding a small blue Bush CD Player.
"Now where is the wall socket?" Tani muttered as she looked around the room.
"Who's in for some inflight entertainment?" Jessie asked.
"You five are not going to use that thing on the Bridge are you?" Tuvok asked.
"Hi Tuvie! Hows your ears today!" Morgan yelled.
Somehow Tani found a wall socket. She pulled out a CD from her small bag. It said Heartbeat/Tragedy. It had a picture of Steps on the front.
"Okay guys, into positions!" Tani yelled.
"What are you doing?" Tuvok asked.
The group ignored him. Morgan climbed onto the console behind Kathryn and Chakotay's chairs. Craig and Tani jumped onto the chairs. Jessie and James stood in front of the others. Somehow Tani had a remote to use the cheap chat CD player. The song 'Tragedy' by Steps came on. They all started dancing to the music.
"Oh I love this song," Tom said. Harry groaned.
About four minutes later the song finished. Morgan finally lost her balance and she fell backwards. The others laughed at her. Craig helped her to her feet.
"Thank you, you've been a great audience, bye," Craig said and they all left the Bridge.
Seven came onto the Bridge. "What was all that about?"
"Don't ask," Tuvok muttered.
"What's up, Tuvok?" Chakotay asked.
"Didn't you hear the music ten minutes ago?" Tuvok asked.
"Yeah, we thought you were having a disco," Kathryn said.
"No, it was Morgan and her friends. She was still intoxicated," Tuvok said.
"We know. She won't go to the Doc and for some reason her Borg chemistry is not destroying the alcohol in her bloodstream," Chakotay said.
"The point is, five members of the crew decided to put a song on, on the Bridge and dance on consoles and on your chairs," Tuvok said.
"My chair! That's it. Computer where is Morgan Janeway?" Kathryn growled.
"Morgan Janeway is in the Mess Hall."
Kathryn stormed out of the room. Chakotay slowly followed.
"I still find it hard to believe that your mum let us entertain the Bridge crew," Tani said.
"You'd better not of been lying to us, or it'll mean our heads," James said.
Kathryn stormed into the room. "Uhoh!" Morgan muttered. Neelix stopped her.
"We'll be closing soon, Captain," Neelix said.
"I don't care, I'm just here to tell Morgan off, and maybe have some Cherry Coke and a coffee," Kathryn said.
Neelix rushed over to the replicator and he came back with a bottle of Cherry Coke. Kathryn took it off him and she continued to storm towards the table.
"Hi, are you here to tell of Tani for what she done?" Morgan asked.
"Hey!" Tani moaned.
"Morgan! How dare you put your dirty feet on my chair! Do you know how long it'll take for Harry to scrub that off?" Kathryn yelled.
"Tani was the one on your chair," Morgan said.
"Hey!" Tani moaned again.
"But it was your idea, wasn't it?" Kathryn asked.
"Yeah, I told them that we could entertain the Bridge crew. It's always so boring there," Morgan muttered.
"That's it, you're grounded," Kathryn said.
"You can't, it's the day where I have to regenerate instead of sleep," Morgan said.
"Fine, you're grounded just for tonight," Kathryn said.
"Oh god. I'll have to put up with Seven all night," Morgan moaned. Tani laughed at her.
"And you Tani, you're going to scrub my chair," Kathryn said. Tani stopped laughing.
"Damn," she muttered.
Seven was talking with Neelix in the Mess Hall. "Kes always said that something else was going on, but she had quite an active imagination," Neelix said.
"Was there any other ships besides Voyager and the Marquis ship?" Seven asked.
"Only the Kazon," Neelix replied.
"But it could be possible that the Caretaker could of brought in another vessel, a cloaked ship perhaps," Seven said.
"Seven, what are you getting at?" Neelix asked.
"I believe there was another ship, hidden from both Voyager and the Kazon," Seven replied.
"What was it doing there?" Neelix asked.
"Preventing the Tetrion Reactor from being destroyed," Seven said.
"Kes was right, something was going on," Neelix asked.
"Voyager's sensor logs were damaged at the time, I can't be certain," Seven said.
"Maybe I can help. The sensor logs on my ship weren't damaged. I can give them to you," Neelix said.
"You're boring, do you know that?" Morgan moaned.
"Boredom is irrelevant, you must regenerate," Seven said.
Morgan groaned and she clumsily stepped into her alcove.
few hours later:
Seven stepped out of her alcove. Morgan was sitting on a crate, she looked bored to death.
"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay."
"I must speak with you in the Astrometrix Lab," Seven said and she left Morgan to sulk.
"Blah, blah, blah, blah," Seven blabbered on. Chakotay tried to stop himself from falling asleep while he was standing. "You must not let Captain Janeway get a hold of that piece of s***." Chakotay yawned and he walked out of the room.
He ran into Morgan who was listening to a personal CD player. "Hi!" she giggled. He ignored her.
They both stepped into the turbolift. "I turned the Doctor into a teddy bear," Morgan said. Chakotay still ignored her. "Tuvok is a son of an elephant," she tried again. He still ignored her.
The door opened and the pair stepped onto the Bridge.
"Are you all right?" Kathryn asked.
"Just a little damage, nothing serious, I'll send the modifications to you. My piece of s*** is yours Captain. Safe journey," the alien guy said. The viewscreen switched off.
"I've got it," Harry said.
"Get that data down to B'Ella. Yey! We're going home!" Kathryn giggled.
"She's been on the Cherry Coke and Coffee again," Tom moaned.
Chakotay walked over to Harry and he took the pad off him. "I'll take it to Engineering," he said. He left the room.
"Yey! We're getting closer to home using a piece of s***," Kathryn said.
"How comforting," Tom muttered.
"God, what a big strop," Morgan grumbled.
"What?" Kathryn asked.
"That jerk just ignored me when I was talking to him. I hate him," Morgan muttered.
"No you don't. He's probably just in a bad mood," Kathryn said.
"Why would she do that. We'll still be 35,000 lightyears away from Earth," B'Elanna asked. Jessie, Craig and James were standing near by.
"Exactly, what is the point?" Jessie asked.
"I don't know. I want you to delay the modifications, I'll have a look at the readings myself," Chakotay said. Harry walked up to the group.
"The Captain was driving me nuts, someone really has to do something, everyone's getting addicted to Cherry Coke again. It makes everyone hyper," Harry said. Jessie, James and Craig daydreamed for a little while and they ran out of the room. "See what I mean?" Harry asked.
"Harry, we don't need any help, go and bug the Doctor," B'Elanna said.
"Okay," Harry said and he left Engineering.
Round Two of The Boring Lectures was on. In other words Seven was blabbering on to Kathryn.
"Seven," Kathryn said.
"Blah, blah. Don't interrupt. Blah blah," Seven blabbered on.
"But I want a drink of Cherry Coke," Kathryn moaned.
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," Seven babbled. Kathryn nearly fell asleep on the console. "Blah.. Captain! How dare you fall asleep when I'm talking to you," Seven said angrily.
"Pizza, pizza, pizza!" Marill chanted.
"Cherry Coke, Cherry Coke, Cherry Coke," Firera chanted. Some crewman passed Firera and they started daydreaming about Cherry Coke. One girl had a bottle of Cherry Coke, Firera started following her.
"Oh fine, Me and Nikki will eat the pizza on our own," Marill said. Firera walked backwards.
"Oooh pizza!" she exclaimed. Nichola, Marill's sister walked around the corner. "Pizza, pizza, pizza!" Firera chanted.
"Firera, be quiet," Marill moaned.
"How did we get on Voyager?" Nichola asked.
"Long story and too much technobabble," Firera replied. Another crewman passed with a bottle of Cherry Coke. Firera started following again.
"Pizza," Marill said. Firera walked backwards again. "We'd better go, Seven is coming. We'll hide around the corner," Marill said. She and Nichola hid around the next corner. Firera started following another Cherry Coke bottle.
"Come on, lets go, pizza," Marill said as she grabbed Firera's arm. She followed her chanting pizza. Nichola also followed.
Naomi, Kiara and Morgan ran after Seven. "Hi Seven," Naomi said happily.
"Go away," Seven muttered.
"What's wrong?" Naomi asked.
"Your parents, which side are you on?" Seven asked.
"Seven, I love both of them," Kiara said.
"And you, your father was Ktarian. The Ktarians were officially with the Federation but they sympathised with the Marquis," Seven said.
"Oy! Stop being so horrible," Morgan said angrily.
"Who's side are you all on, Chakotay's or Janeway's?" Seven asked angrily.
Kiara started crying, Naomi tried to comfort her.
"Tell them it's too late, get lost!" Seven yelled. Kiara ran off crying and Naomi followed her.
Morgan pushed Seven. "Haven't you got anything better to do than pick on little kids?"
"Who's side are you on?" Seven asked.
"Definitely not yours. No one makes my sister cry and gets away with it," Morgan said angrily.
"What are you going to do, Aqua girl?" Seven asked.
"Aqua Girl? What's that suppose to mean, Barbie?" Morgan asked.
"Has anyone told you that you look like Lene from Aqua?" Seven asked.
"Oooh! I hate Aqua! And I definitely hate you," Morgan said angrily.
"Then what are you going to do about it, Lene?" Seven asked.
"Is it true?" Kathryn asked.
"What!" Chakotay asked.
"That you're a two timing son of a b****?" Kathryn asked.
"No, you're the two timing one," Chakotay said.
"What's that suppose to mean, Tattoo Boy?" Kathryn asked angrily.
"I know about your little plan, you're not going to get a hold of that piece of s***," Chakotay said.
"No plans you little nit wit! Now off to the Brig with you!" Kathryn said angrily.
"Why?" Chakotay asked.
"Don't act dumb, because you already are. Anyway I found out about you little plan for the piece of s***. Fancy, you tried to say that I had plans for it, you cheeky nought," Kathryn said.
"Wait a minute. Seven said the same thing to you that she said to me?" Chakotay asked.
"The cheeky cow! She set us up," Kathryn said angrily.
"Sickbay to Janeway."
"Go ahead, and make it quick," Kathryn said.
"Morgan was found seriously injured on Deck Ten."
"Oh god, is she all right now?" Kathryn asked.
"She's fine because I'm just so great."
"I want you to come to Cargo Bay Two. You'll have to scan Seven's new alcove," Chakotay said.
"I'm on my way now."
Kathryn and Chakotay headed out the door. "Chakotay, forget everything I've just said," Kathryn said.
"Done," Chakotay said. They left the Cargo Bay.
"Beam me aboard the Delta Flyer," Kathryn said.
"I'm going with you," Chakotay said.
"No, she's going to bed without any supper," Kathryn joked.
"This isn't part of your mission, is it?" Chakotay asked.
"Is it part of yours?" Kathryn asked.
"Good luck," Chakotay said.
"Energise," Kathryn said.
Authors Note: If you think the DF scene is important tough. It's too boring and we never watch that bit so we don't know the lines as well as the rest of the episode and you know how bad that's turned out. Anyway it is 10:52pm, we're not staying up all night just because you want to read the same scene you can watch on tape. Right, we'll continue from after this scene.
"I've got rid of the alcohol in her blood, she should be fine now," the Doctor said.
"What about your other patient?" Kathryn asked.
"She'll be fine too," the Doctor replied. He walked away.
"So, you two are planning some conspiracies huh?" Morgan asked.
"No, that's what Seven thought," Chakotay replied.
"Oh, don't even think about it, ever, or you'll regret it," Morgan said.
"Yes ma'am," they both said.
Quarters, that night:
"I don't believe a word of it," Chakotay said.
"Me neither," Kathryn said.
"Coffee's so gorgeous," Morgan muttered.
"That's because I put Cherry Coke in the cup and I heated it up. It's called Hot Cherry Coke," Kathryn said. Morgan drank her 'coffee.'
"By the way, Seven was malfunctioning, we don't have that excuse," Chakotay said.
"You're right, we've been through too much together to stop trusting each other," Kathryn said. Meanwhile Firera was writing the scene.
"Aaaaaw!" she giggled. Marill was asleep as usual, but she woke up suddenly and she stole the pad. "No! You'll ruin it!" Firera exclaimed.
"You didn't poison the coffee, did ya?" Chakotay asked.
"No more than I usually do," Kathryn said. Morgan fell over her chair pretending to choke.
"Morgan, stop playing around," Chakotay said. Morgan started giggling like a kid. She climbed to her feet.
"Loosen up. Lets party!" Morgan yelled. She ran out of the room yelling, "Tragedy! When the feelings gone and you can't go on it's Tragedy!"
Kathryn and Chakotay groaned. "Not again," they both moaned.
Episode | Next