Once Upon A Time

Episode Synopsis
The Delta Flyer, crewed by Naomi and Kiara's mothers, crash lands on a planetoid and Chakotay and Neelix are forced to lie to the two children about the accident.

Guest Stars
Marill as herself
Firera as herself
Nancy Hower as Samantha
Raichu as herself
?? as Flotter
?? as Trebus

Written By
Marill & Firera

8th April 2001

Episode Based In
March 2374 (early season 5)

The Mess Hall:
Kiara and Naomi were sitting on a small table near the door. Jessie and James had introduced them to the Pokémon Trading Game so they were playing that.

"What the hell is that?" Naomi asked as Kiara dumped another card onto the table.

"It's a Pikachu," Kiara muttered.

"Fine, then what do we do next?" Naomi asked.

"Er...maybe you should put a card down. Maybe some cards are stronger over others," Kiara said. Naomi put a card down. It was a Chikorita.

"Well this is fun. What do we do now?" Naomi asked. Kiara shrugged her shoulders. Chakotay and Neelix entered the room. Neelix went back to his kitchen and Chakotay went over to Kiara & Naomi's table.

"What are you playing?" Chakotay asked.

"This weird card game, it's called Pokémon," Naomi replied.

"So, who's winning?" Chakotay asked.

"No idea, we don't know how to play the game," Naomi muttered.

"Don't tell me, James and Jessie introduced this game to you," Chakotay said.

"Yup! Do you know how to play the game, daddy?" Kiara asked.

"No, I suppose not many people do," Chakotay replied.

"Where's mummy? She promised me that she would take me to this new holoprogram," Kiara asked.

"She and Naomi's mother is on the Delta Flyer. They won't be back for a few days," Chakotay said.

"Will you take me?" Kiara asked.

"What is this program?" Chakotay asked.

"I dunno," Kiara replied.

"Why don't you go to my Flotter program with me and Neelix. It's really fun," Naomi said.

"Isn't that the one with a blue guy in it?" Kiara asked.

"That's Flotter," Naomi replied.

"No, that sounds crap," Kiara said.

"Kiara, where did you pick up words like that?" Chakotay asked. Meanwhile Craig was bugging Jessie again.

"Listen you big crappy head, you keep your f****** hands off me before I tear them off!" Jessie yelled.

"That explains it," Chakotay muttered. Craig backed off Jessie and he walked over to another table with a girl on. Kiara jumped off her seat and she ran over to Jessie and James.

"Hi!" she yelled. James and Jessie looked down and they saw Kiara hugging James' leg.

"What do you want sweetheart?" Jessie asked.

"Cherry Coke!" Kiara exclaimed.

"I'll get it for you if you get off my leg," James said. Kiara let go and she started jumping up and down in excitement.

"Commander, are they her new parents," Naomi muttered.

"Seems like it," Chakotay muttered. A few seconds later Kiara was drinking her Cherry Coke. Chakotay, Neelix and Naomi walked over to her.

"Come on, aren't you coming to the holodeck?" Neelix asked.

"No! Flotter sucks!" Kiara exclaimed. Naomi started crying.

"It's okay, Commander, if she doesn't want to go, we'll look after her," Jessie said.

"But you're on duty in ten minutes," Chakotay said.

"We'll let her play a few games on our computer while we work," James said.

"Fine, but keep her out of trouble, and don't swear in front of her," Chakotay said.

"We've never sworn in front of her before," Jessie said.

"Yeah right," Chakotay muttered. He, Neelix and Naomi left the Mess Hall.

The Delta Flyer:
"Don't worry about it Captain. The Delta Flyer isn't like the other shuttles, we won't crash," Tom said proudly.

"Er, there is a storm," Samantha said.

"Wow, we never saw that one coming," Kathryn muttered.

"Let me remind everyone that we're on the Delta Flyer," Tom said.

"It's still a shuttle Tom, so get flying!" Kathryn yelled.

"Ooops, I forgot about that!" Tom stuttered.

"We're going to die," Samantha muttered.

"It's okay girls, I'll get us out of here," Tom said. Tuvok cleared his throat to get his attention. "And guys," Tom stuttered.

"I have a strangest feeling that this crash is going to develop the plot," Kathryn muttered.

"I doubt it, we'll be rescued in a few minutes," Tom said.

"We won't need to be rescued if you just pilot the shuttle," Samantha said.

"Oh yeah," Tom muttered.

"Er, Tom, I don't think we're suppose to be this close to that crater," Kathryn said.

"Er...did I put seatbelts in this thing?" Tom muttered.

"No," Kathryn, Tuvok & Samantha said.

"Oh well, it was nice knowing ya," Tom said.

The Bridge:
"Fear me minions!" Harry was saying as Jessie, James, Craig & Kiara entered the Bridge. "Oh, hi guys!"

"Since I'm Lieutenant and you're Ensign, I'm in command," Craig said.

"Nope. I'm a senior officer, fear me," Harry said.

"I'm one too," Craig said.

"Damn!" Harry exclaimed.

Five minutes later:
"All the girls on the Bridge are ordered to go out with me tonight on Holodeck Two. And you can invite your friends too. The more the better," Craig said. Stacks of pads and tricorders were thrown at him.

"You suck!" Harry exclaimed.

Five minutes later:
"Fear me! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" Harry laughed.

"Oh, I wanted to be Captain," Craig moaned.

"Quit complaining," James muttered.

"Oooh! Can I play Battleship?" Kiara asked.

"As long as I can play too," James said.

"Get back to work minions!" Harry yelled.

"Bite me," James said as he and Kiara started playing Battleships on two separate bits of the computer.

"Who'd want to," Harry muttered.

Fifteen minutes later:
"DIE, DIE, DIE!" Kiara laughed as she sunk James' last ship.

"Oh, I lost to a kid," James moaned.

"Can I play now?" Jessie asked.

"I want to jump on daddy's chair," Kiara said.

"Go ahead, Harry's the one who'll get into trouble. I'll play against you Jess," James said.

"But you suck," Jessie said.

"Prove it," James said.

"You're on!" Jessie yelled.

"Get back to work minions...hey Kiara, get off Chakotay's chair!" Harry yelled as Kiara climbed onto Chakotay's chair.

"Bite me!" she yelled as she started jumping on the chair. Harry groaned and he tried to convince her to get down.

Five minutes later:
"Weeeeee!" Kiara screeched as she jumped on the chair.

"DIE! Ha! 3-0 to James," James said.

"Make that 3-1," Jessie said.

"No! My long ship!" James exclaimed. Chakotay walked onto the Bridge.

"Kiara! What are you doing on my chair!" Chakotay yelled.

"Harry dared me too. It's fun!" Kiara yelled.

"No I didn't," Harry muttered.

"He sure did," Jessie said.

"Oh s***! You got my tiny ship!" James exclaimed.

"James! What did I tell you!" Chakotay yelled.

"Oh, oops," James muttered. Kiara slipped off the chair.

"Oh s***!" she yelled. Everyone stared at her and then at James.

"Ooops again," James muttered.

"Bingo! I've found your submarine," Jessie said.

"Oh, sh...sugar!" James exclaimed.

"James, does cleaning the plasma manifolds sound fun to you?" Chakotay asked.

"No," James muttered as he made his next move.

"Good, that's your job for tomorrow," Chakotay said.

"No! You b******! You've found my carrier!" Jessie screamed.

"You too, Jessie," Chakotay said.

"Oh s***! S***! S***! Er, I mean sugar! Sugar! Sugar!" Jessie exclaimed.

The next day:
"C'mon Kiara, come to the Flotter program with me! Neelix and your dad is on duty so I'll be on my own!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Bite me!" Kiara yelled.

"Oh please!" Naomi begged.

"Oh what the hell, if it's crap I'm going straight back out," Kiara muttered.

"You know, you're starting to sound like Jessie," Naomi moaned.

"Thanks," Kiara said.

The Delta Flyer:
"This is great, Tom. You're crashing record is going to out number Chakotay's if you keep piloting like this," Kathryn muttered.

"I'm in extreme pain here!" Samantha yelled.

"Who cares, you're just a guest star," Tom said.

"Is this a good time to say that the shuttle is leaking poisonous gas?" Tuvok asked.

"No, not really, you should have said that yesterday," Kathryn said.

"Oh crap! We're going to die!" Tom exclaimed.

"How long have we got left?" Samantha asked.

"Ten minutes," Tuvok said.

"Anybody made their will yet?" Tom asked. Everyone shook their heads at him.

The Bridge:
"Chakotay to Seven of Nine, how's it going?" Chakotay asked.

"We're still drilling. We've nearly reached the shuttle."

"Keep drilling," Chakotay said.

"Aye sir."

"Isn't it cue for Naomi and Kiara to come on the Bridge?" Neelix asked.

"No, when we've discovered the gorry bodies they should arrive," Harry said.

"Chakotay to Rex & Taylor, are those plasma manifolds clean yet?" Chakotay asked.

"Manifolds? Er, sort of, we'll carry on," Jessie's voice replied.

"Oh s***! I forgot about that!" James' voice yelled.

"Er, James, the comm link's still open," Jessie's voice said.


Holodeck Two:
Kiara and Naomi entered the forest of forever. The computer was blabbering on about some old rubbish. Suddenly some strange fog appeared. The Team Rocket music started. Naomi and Kiara saw two figures in the fog.

"What are...who are they?" Naomi asked.

"Don't be frightened little girl," a familiar voice said.

"Allow us to introduce ourselves," a posh but familiar voice said. The fog started to clear and the pair could see Marill & Firera.

"To protect Voyager from devastation," Marill said.

"To protect the crew from evil nations," Firera said in a really annoying posh accent.

"To announce the evils of rabbits and love," Marill said.

"To make our site a more popular one," Firera said in that annoying accent.



"Fifth Voyager, blasts off at warp speed!" Marill exclaimed as a weird cheesy background appeared with a giant red 5 in the middle.

"Surrender to us now or prepare to fight," Firera said.

"Firera, stop skitting the old James' voice, it's annoying!" Marill exclaimed.

"But it's so...posh!" Firera yelled in her ordinary accent.

"I know, the guy that did his voice in the first few episodes was terrible. Eric Stuart forever," Marill said.

"Erm...I promise not to do the accent and you promise not to do an impression of James when his voice started to sound normal," Firera said.

"I'll make that deal in a second," Marill said. "Your turn, Koffing!" Marill said in a deep voice and in a really dodgy fake English accent. "Sorry, can't do that."

"What are you talking about, James doesn't have a posh accent?" Kiara asked.

"And who's Eric Stuart?" Naomi asked.

"She just doesn't get it, does she?" Marill muttered.

"She doesn't watch Pokémon," Firera said in her annoying accent.

"What's Pokémon?" Kiara asked.

"Believe me, you don't want to know," Marill said.

"Anyway, we're here because...er, Marill, why are we here again?" Firera asked.

"To destroy this stupid Flotter program. It does my head in," Marill replied.

"You're not hurting Flotter!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Flotter, of course we're not going to hurt him. We'll just delete him," Firera said.

"Nooooooo!" Naomi squealed.

"You're wasting your time, if you delete the program, you'll go along with it," Kiara said.

"We're not holograms, little girl," Firera said.

"That may have been so, if we were part of this junk," Marill said.

"You're staring to bug me!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Isn't that cute?" Marill said sarcastically.

"The girl's bugged," Firera said. They threw five pokéballs into the air.

"Sparkle, Firesha, Marra, Charla, Charbok, attack!" they both yelled. Firera's Pikachu,  Arbok & Firera appeared and Marill's Charizard and the Pokemon Marill appeared.

"Oh, isn't those three mice cute!" Kiara exclaimed.

"They aren't too cute when they use their attacks," Firera said.

"We really don't want to hurt you kids, so I think you should leave us alone," Marill said.

"But Flotter!" Naomi exclaimed. Flotter and Trebus walked up to the kids.

"Who are these people. And what are those things?" Flotter asked.

"That's it!" Everyone attack!" Marill yelled. The five Pokémon charged for Flotter and Trebus.

"Run!" Naomi yelled as she tried to push Flotter and Trebus out of the way. They all ran further into the forest.

"Come on lets follow that tree and water guy," Firera said.

"Now that sounds strange, just like your accent," Marill said.

The Delta Flyer:
"Sam, Captain, Tuvok, I've finished, it's your turn," Tom said as he got off the chair.

"You can go, Samantha," Kathryn said. Samantha nodded. Tom helped her to her feet. Meanwhile Tuvok started talking to Kathryn about kids again. Tom groaned and he put his ear plugs in again.

"Er...computer, a pokéball thing," Kiara ordered. A couple of pokéballs appeared and they dropped to the ground. She picked up one.

"Aren't you suppose to throw them," Naomi muttered.

"Oh right, pokéball go!" Kiara yelled. The pokéball landed on the ground and a pigeon like creature appeared. Firera's Arbok hissed at it and it flew away in fear.

"That thing can't beat us," Marill said.

"No? Then try this one," Kiara said as she threw another ball to the ground. Nothing happened. She picked up another one and she threw it to the ground. A small rat creature appeared.

"Ratttaattaaaa!" it screeched. Charizard roared at it and it ran away in fear.

"Here, let me take care of these 2 clowns," Naomi said as she picked up another ball.

"That's such big talk coming from such a little lady," Firera said.

"Well you're right about the pretty part, thanks for the compliment," Naomi said.

"The girl thinks she's pretty," Firera muttered.

"I agree with her, I think she's pretty too. Pretty pathetic," Marill said.

"Oooh! I'll show you!" Naomi exclaimed and she threw the ball to the ground. A weird fish appeared and it started bouncing on the ground.

"Goldeen, goldeen, goldeen, goldeen," it was saying. Marill and Firera raised their eyebrows and they grinned at it.

"Er...return," Naomi muttered as she pressed the button on the ball. The fish disappeared.

"That's her best shot?" Marill asked.

"She's all washed up," Firera moaned.

"You'd better give up kids, it's only a boring program," Marill said.

"Times up, Marill, we've got to write the next scene where Kathryn and Samantha are close to death," Firera said.

"You're right. Have fun girls," Marill said with big grin on her face. The pair and their Pokémon disappeared.

"Close to death?" Kiara trembled.

"But your dad said that they were okay," Naomi muttered.

"So did Neelix," Kiara moaned.

"Come on, we'd better check it out," Naomi said. The pair ran out of the holodeck.

The Bridge:
"We may be able to use the transporter in a few more minutes, Commander," B'Elanna's voice said.

"Good, keep working," Chakotay said. Neelix stood nearby watching the viewscreen. It showed the crater and bits of wreckage from the shuttle. The turbolift doors opened.

"Er, we haven't got the gorry bodies yet have we Harry?" Craig asked. Chakotay and Neelix turned towards the turbolift. Kiara and Naomi were staring at the viewscreen with horrified expressions. They both ran back out of the Bridge.

"Kiara, Naomi, wait!" Neelix yelled.

"Maybe we were a bit too evil in those two scenes," Marill muttered.

"Yeah, you're right. We'll make up for it by being absolute crazies again," Firera said.

"Good idea. We're good at doing that," Marill said.

"Hi guys!" Raichu yelled from out of nowhere. The door to Marill's sisters room opened and Raichu stepped in. "Will we be writing Timeless today?" Raichu asked.

"Er...we could do. I mean it's only 2pm and we've wrote three stories for this update. I think we're on a good writing streak," Marill replied.

"But what am I suppose to do? You two are writing the next episode and I'm not going home until ten," Firera asked.

"Er...you can play with the new CD Player," Marill said.

"Marill, you don't have the new CD Player this far back in the series," Raichu said.

"This episode says it was wrote in April so I have the CD Player," Marill said.

"Hehehehehehehe! It's got a condenser microphone, has anybody got a spare tape?" Firera asked.

"Uhoh, bad singing alert," Raichu moaned.

The Mess Hall:
Kiara and Naomi were sitting at a table crying. Neelix and Chakotay walked into the room and they headed for their table. Jessie and James were near by and they saw Chakotay. They quickly hid in Neelix's kitchen.

"You two don't have to worry anymore, your mothers will be rescued in a few minutes," Neelix said.

"They might be dead though," Kiara muttered.

"That's a possibility but the Doctor can revive them," Neelix said.

"You lied to us!" Naomi exclaimed.

"We did that to protect you. We knew how upset you would be if you found out," Chakotay said.

"You should have told us the truth!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Daddy, you always told me that lying is wrong," Kiara said.

"Sometimes lying can be beneficial to protect people's feelings," Neelix said.

"Anderson to Chakotay. B'Elanna is ready to transport the Flyer."

"Fear me minions! Oops, the comm link is still on."

"Do it. Once the shuttle's aboard transport the crew to Sickbay," Chakotay said.

"We can't fit the whole crew of Voyager in Sickbay."

"Craig, you dimwit! The Delta Flyer's crew," Chakotay said angrily.

"Is there any gorgeous lasses onboard, coz if there is I'm there!"

"Craig, feel my power! Oops the comm link is STILL on."

"Oh go away, both of you," Chakotay said angrily.

"Fear me minions! Bwahahahahahahahaha..."

"How did we end up with insane crewmembers. Why can't we have a normal crew like the Enterprise," Chakotay muttered.

Meanwhile in the Alpha Quadrant:
"Fear me, minions! Oh hi, Riker and Picard," Data said.

"What's going on today then?" Picard asked.

"Nothing. We're in no films at the moment so we're quite bored," Data replied.

"Damn! I get the feeling nobody likes this new Enterprise. We've only been in two films," Picard moaned.

"I don't care, I got another girlfriend in the last film," Riker said.

"Well since nothing is going on, it is safe to leave Will in charge. I'm going to visit my girlfriend on that planet," Picard said and he left the Bridge. Everyone looked terrified as they stared at Riker.

"Woohoo! Lets try out the joystick again!" Riker yelled.

"Uhoh, not again," the Trill woman moaned.

Five minutes later:
"Weeeeee!" everyone yelled as the Enterprise E did some speeding near by a pretty nebula.

"Cool joystick!" Riker yelled.

"Er...Riker, somebody has killed Picard," Data said.

"All stop!" Riker yelled and he pressed a button. The ship screeched to a halt. "What do you mean someone has killed Picard?" Riker asked.

"Do you remember that rumour in Voyagers Delights. It said that Picard was going to die in the next film and that there will be another Enterprise blown up so they can have a new one for the new series," Data said.

"But this isn't a film," Riker muttered.

"It is now! This is Star Trek X-Bye Bye Picard and E," Rick Berman said.

"Oh crap, I wonder how they can kill off Picard and this ship at the same time," Riker asked.

"Quite simple. The Romulans say fire at will when Picard is dead. Will is you so the ship blows up with you in it. Then we don't have to worry about Data's ageing and Picard's X-Men job," Rick said.

"I knew this would happen. Will we crash again or just blow up?" Worf said, who for some reason is on the ship because the film is on. Marill appeared.

"Neither, not when we need this ship for Season Three plus material. Firera, stop playing with that CD Player and help me out here," Marill said. Firera appeared hugging a small Goodmans CD Player.

"Hehehehehehe! Can I buy it off you, it even has a remote!" Firera giggled.

"Oh come on, think of a way we can save the Enterprise E," Marill said angrily. Firera handed her the CD Player and she brought out her pad.

"We can't control the Enterprise E yet but we can control, the Erona!" Firera exclaimed.

"Er, doesn't that come in later in the series?" Marill asked.

Meanwhile the USS Erona appeared from a temporal anomaly or a big wibbly wobby swirly thing.

"Ohno, a ship is being attacked, we have to save it!" the Captain exclaimed.

"We can't, it'll change the timeline," the first officer said.

"Never stopped us before, fire the reverse effect weapon!" the Captain ordered.

The Erona fired a red beam from it's side. It hit the Enterprise E. The Romulan ship fired and it blew up the Enterprise E. The Erona blew up the Romulan ship. Suddenly the wreckage from the Enterprise E gathered back up and they rebuilt the ship.

"Oh drat! They didn't put me back together properly," Data moaned. His arms were attached to his hips and his arms were attached to his shoulders. Everyone else wasn't as lucky since they were mortal. It was too gorry to describe so it couldn't even be put in a 12.

"Ooops, that didn't go to well," the Erona's Captain muttered.

"Who cares, as long as the ship is okay," Marill said.

"All right! We haven't been forgotten!" Craig yelled as the episode switched back to Voyager.

"Feel my power minions!" Harry said.

"Er, the Captain is back on the ship," Craig said.

"Oh s***!" Harry exclaimed.

"Er, Harry the comm link was on again and Kiara heard your remark. You'd better get started on washing the carpets," Chakotay's voice said.

Kiara and Naomi ran into the room, both of them yelled, "mummy!" and they ran into their mothers' arms. Chakotay and Neelix followed the kids into the room.

"There's nothing like a family reunion," the Doctor said just to get a line in the episode.

"Meh, whatever," Neelix muttered.

The Mess Hall:
Jessie and James was still hiding in Neelix's kitchen. "That was close, lets just hope that Chakotay doesn't check up on us," Jessie said.

"Yeah, can we go now, this place stinks of Neelix's cooking," James asked. They both heard footsteps behind them.

"Hi! Do you want to test my new coffee!" Neelix yelled.

"Oh crap!" Jessie yelled.

"Looks like everything's back to normal," James muttered and they both ran as quickly as they could.

The Fifth Voyager Hideout:
"Wow! Three episodes in one weekend! We're getting good!" Raichu giggled.

"Oh Jenny, oh Joy, etc," Firera sang along to the song Two Perfect Girls by Eric Stuart.

"Yeah, I think we should start Timeless and put some earplugs in," Marill said.

"Good idea," Raichu said.

"So many perfect girls for him! All right!" Firera sang.            


****THE END****

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