time on B4 Fifth Voyager
"The replicator won't give out any Cherry Coke. We even tried Coca Cola, but there's plenty of addicts to wear that down," Claire replied.
"I'm sure this isn't the first time this has happened. Didn't the Cherry Coke supplies run out months ago?" Claire asked.
"Yeah they did, there must be more addicts now than we think," Lee replied.
"Nah, explain the Coca Cola depletion. Something fishy's going on," Lisa said.
"Look the Cherry Coke supplies ran out when we came into orbit of this planet. Only ten people on this ship like this stuff. And there's no way that any of them get enough rations to pay for about 1000 bottles," Chakotay said.
"How do you know that they took 1000?" Tom asked.
"Yeah, and how do you know it was only one person?" Harry asked.
"Firstly, 1000 is the weekly limit for the whole crew. Secondly, I don't know how many people did it.. even the ten people put together wouldn't be able to get 1000 bottles," Chakotay replied.
"What about the Coke supplies?" B'Elanna asked.
"There are over 50 addicts, the 1000 limit is easy to get too" Chakotay replied.
"Do you think someone could of hacked into the replicators and got all those bottles?" Tom asked.
"No it's not possible, there is a new security thing in to stop people fiddling with the replicators. I should know, I tried to get lots of free... um.. I'll shut up now," James said.
"Has anyone got any better theories as to what happened?" Chakotay asked.
"Well remember when those FVDA members boarded the ship.." B'Elanna said.
"Well they got straight through the shields and we didn't detect their ship. It could of been them," B'Elanna said.
"Why would they want to steal the Cherry Coke supplies?" Harry asked.
"Here's a more annoying theory.. it was someone on that planet. I'm sure those people don't like humans," Tom said.
"What makes you think that?" Ian asked.
"Well this actually gives me the idea," Tom replied as he pulled out a hat. "I bought this at a souvenir shop, I didn't notice it had this written on it." He flipped the hat over to show the text, 'humans = shrems.'
"Neither did I until I checked the database. Shrems are similar to locusts," Tom said.
"If these are spare quarters how are we going to know who did it?" Jessie asked.
Tom reached over and he picked up a small blue jewelled stone. "This, what's this?"
Jessie snatched the stone off him, "this looks familiar."
"The girl in the Big Bully house had a small ring with several of these stones in it, she kept shoving it in my face. She turned out to be a FVDA member didn't she?" Jessie replied.
"So B'Elanna was right, it could of been the FVDA," Tom said.
"I tell you human what. I'll give you this cup of coffee if you don't raid us," police officer 1 said. Before he got a chance to drop the cup Kathryn snatched it out of his hands and drank it down.
"Hehehe, deal!" Kathryn giggled. She fell on the floor, she noticed the coffee spilt on the floor. She looked up. "Who spilt this coffee?" Kathryn growled, she jumped on top of police officer 1 and she started to beat him up.
"My boss is coming up, if she catches humans here she'll have my head," the police guy replied.
"Why do your people hate us so much anyway?" Ian asked.
"Not all of us do. There's been a lot of rumours going around about your ship. Most of them are about your ship raiding planets for coffee. I find that one hard to believe myself," the police guy replied.
"I am the one in charge here," the woman replied.
"Oh, so you're that Dayes Harren we heard about," Ian said.
"Listen you filthy pieces of crap. If it is one of our citizens that committed the crime, we'll deal with it. We'll find your cold coffee," Dayes said.
"We're going to have to check every ring," Danny replied.
"But that's impossible, there could be loads of them," Tom said.
"Yeah but the one who did has to be on the planet, and it'll probably be a member we've already met," Danny said.
"She's right, it's going to take a while but we're going to have to do it," Jessie said.
"If we split up it'll take less time," James said.
"I told you," Ian said for the third time.
"No, the person who stole the supplies is a member of the FVDA," Jessie said.
"There's been no other ship near Voyager since the robbery, and we've checked every human on the planet. None of them have a missing stone in their FVDA ring," Ian said.
"Wait a minute, did any of the scans cover the planet's moons?" Danny asked.
"No, I don't think so," James replied.
"Tom and Ian can go there to check that out. The robber must be there," Danny said.
"Crewman Arther has committed suicide," Tuvok replied.
"Now that's what I call a bad addiction to Cherry Coke," Ian said.
"Nah, Arther hated the stuff," Tom said.
"Darren Hayes used to live here, now go away," the guy replied.
A woman came up to the door, she tried to take the gun away from the guy. "Put that down, he's a fan of our son." The guy groaned and he walked back into the house. "So nice to meet you both, I'm Judy.. and that was my husband Richard. We're Darren's parents."
"Where have you been? Everyone knows that Darren was sent to the mental hospital on the planet. He was very depressed after his girlfriend, Gwen, dumped him," Richard replied.
"It was those idiots on Voyager's fault everyone knows that. Especially that James fella, he had a thing for that Gwen which started all the trouble off," Judy said.
"Yes, if it wasn't for him Gwen and Darren would still be together. That young man should die horribly and rot in hell. Do you want a cookie?" Judy said.
"James is going to join those supplies, we've got to know where he is now," Ian said.
In: "He went to check out one of the houses. I'll get there now..."
"The comm's gone dead. We've got to get to that moon," Tom said.
"Just when things couldn't get worse they do," James said.
"Wow he's cute," Myleene whispered. Johnny rolled his eyes.
"Try anything and this girl dies," Johnny said.
"I really hate Hear'say," Danny muttered.
"Jessie and Tom found a ring stone belonging to a FVDA member. We caught another member with a similar ring. We figured that the one responsible for the robbery is a member of the FVDA. They've been trying to cause trouble for ages," James said.
"Hmm, so why would they steal a worthless drink and kidnap two losers?" Dayes asked.
"We've narrowed the culprit down to one suspect, Darren Hayes. He's had a grudge on me and my friends for ages. He must of asked his minions to kidnap those two as bait, I dunno. I'm guessing they stole the Cherry Coke cos we're all addicts," James replied.
"We've got to get in there. We need somebody nuts enough to fool the doctors," James said. Everyone looked at Kathryn.
"Hey! Don't look at me, look at James," Kathryn said angrily.
"Yeah like I'm more nuts than you are," James muttered.
James picked up what looked like a cut out bit of a paper. "Local woman changes name to please new lover. Her new name is now Dayes Harren, she will be joining the local police force under that name," he read.
"Why didn't we think of that before. Dayes is Darren, Darren is Dayes. He just killed the woman and swapped places with her," Jessie said.
"Oh my god.. I didn't think Darren was gay. No wonder Gwen dumped him," James said.
"This is a really crazy plan, do you think it'll work?" Jessie asked.
"Nope, Darren doesn't know me right?" Tom replied.
"Exactly, that's why I have to do your part of the plan, and you'll do mine," James said.
"Can't I swap places with Jessie now?" Tom asked nervously.
"Does it look like you've met me before?" Dayes asked.
"I dunno, did I date you back on the Marquis ship or something?" Ian replied.
Johnny went over to some of the Cherry Coke supplies. He noticed an empty bottle, he picked it up. "What the.." Suddenly a couple of full bottles landed on his head. He fell to the ground. James came over.
"Damn, those bottles will be really fizzed up now," James muttered.
Myleene rushed over, she helped Johnny to his feet. "This brings a whole new meaning to sugar is bad for your health," Johnny said.
"That's teeth sweety," Myleene said.
"Damn, those bottles have made me dumber than you," Johnny groaned. Somebody tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, he got punched in the face. He fell into the water.
"Hey, cute and strong. Maybe we should go out for a drink sometime," Myleene said in her flirty voice. Suddenly she pulled out a knife, she ran towards James. He rolled his eyes as he pushed her into the water. Guess what floated on the top.
Dayes pulled out a small device. She spoke into it, "all officers come to the water factory. I've caught the coke robber, it's none other than one of Voyager's crewmembers."
"Ah, now the plan makes sense," James muttered.
"What plan?" Danny and Ian asked in unison.
Dayes pulled herself up, "kill him, kill him now!"
Jessie pushed Tom, with an alien forehead, into the room, she quickly put a phaser to his neck. "Hold your fire or he dies!"
"Do you have to poke that into my neck so hard?" Tom moaned.
"Eeew, gross.." Danny groaned.
"Hey, better check this out guys," Ian said.
Tom, James and Jessie went over to where they were. They looked at Dayes, all three looked disgusted afterwards.
"That's gotta hurt," Tom muttered.
Tom turned Dayes around so everyone else could see the back of her, or rather him. Most of the guys started trying to clean their mouths out. Ian quickly joined them.
"You know, I really love you guys," Danny said.
"Even Ian?" Jessie asked.
"Nah.. I said love didn't I?" Danny replied.
Jessie and James glanced at each other, then back at Danny. They both nodded. "You just love us cos we helped get the supplies back," James said.
"Partly I guess.. hey let's go and get high," Danny said.
now the conclusion
Chakotay stood up from his chair and he stood near Tom. "Take us into orbit, Tom."
"Yeah yeah, I know the drill," Tom muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chakotay asked.
"Well we spend more time in other planet's orbits. At this rate we'll get home in about 70,000 years," Tom replied.
"Really, how?" Harry asked.
"Think about it Harry, we'll be dead and injected into space. They don't have warp cores or drives do they?" Tom replied.
"Look Tom, we're just going to dump all the coffee supplies here," Chakotay said.
"Oh, sounds good," Tom said more cheerfully.
"Won't she catch us?" Harry asked nervously.
"Nah, I made her a new holoprogram to distract her," Chakotay replied.
"So what does our new tester think of our new Coffee Ice with Apple?" a guy asked.
"I don't know, let me ask her," a woman replied. She turned to Kathryn. "So, what do you think of..."
"More, more!" Kathryn yelled. She slammed her fist on the table, knocking all the empty glasses onto the floor.
"I think she does," the woman said.
"Let's see if she likes the new Decaf Coffee with Strawberry," the guy said.
Kathryn's eyes widened. "Decaf? You slimy piece of scum," she snapped. She stood up, then she left the room. She came back in, took all the coffee that was left, and ran back out.
In: "Janeway to Tuvok!"
"Oh crap... she's on to us," Chakotay muttered.
Tuvok tapped his commbadge, "yes Captain."
In: "I can't get out of the holodeck. Send somebody down here!"
"I'll come down myself Captain. Tuvok out," Tuvok said.
"Bingo that'll do," Chakotay sighed in relief.
Tom turned around, "just out of curiosity but, what kind of program is it?"
Everyone turned to him with raised eyebrows. "Well let's just say she gets to taste a lot of coffee," Chakotay replied.
"And she wants to get out?" Tom said questioningly.
"Woah, she must be ill," Harry said. Tuvok left the Bridge, as he did Ian took his place at Tactical.
Jessie and James were fiddling with the side panel, Tuvok arrived on the scene but they didn't notice. "No, don't do that," Jessie whispered.
"Well what are we doing?" James asked quietly.
"We're trying to annoy Janeway, you're doing it wrong," Jessie replied.
"Hey, I'm the master," James whispered.
"She'll know it's us though," Jessie whispered.
"Ensign, Crewman.." Tuvok said calmly.
Jessie and James' eyes widened and they slowly turned to Tuvok. "Hi Tuvok," Jessie said nervously.
"What are you two doing?" Tuvok asked.
"We are.. fixing the holodeck," James replied.
"So did Janeway call you as well?" Tuvok asked.
James and Jessie glanced at each other, then turned back to Tuvok. "Yes," they both replied.
Suddenly the holodeck doors opened and Kathryn fell through the doors, her uniform all messed up and her hair all over the place. She stared angrily at James and Jessie. "What the hell are WWF stars doing in a coffee factory?" she asked angrily.
"Because they're addicted to coffee," James replied.
"Well that must be the reason why they attacked me," Kathryn muttered.
"Well we've got to go to er, an..." James said as he turned to Jessie.
"A birthday party, Lisa's birthday party," Jessie said. They both then rushed off.
"This whole day seems like one big conspiracy," Kathryn muttered as she sorted her hair out.
"Isn't it a bit early for one of those, Captain?" Tuvok asked.
"No, I'm serious. Chakotay suggests a program that let's me drink lots of coffee, and then I get locked in. I'm going to the Bridge," Kathryn replied. She stormed off down the corridor.
"But Captain, you cannot go to the Bridge," Tuvok said.
Kathryn stopped and she turned to Tuvok. "Oh so you're in on this too. Now I've got to find out what's going on," Kathryn said. She continued down the corridor.
"Have you found all of the supplies?" Chakotay asked.
"I think so Commander. Should I beam it all down now?" Harry replied.
"Standby. Ian, has the replicators swapped the proper coffee files for the decaf coffee files?" Chakotay asked.
"Um yeah but I think this mission has gone all haywire," Ian replied.
"What, how?" Chakotay asked.
"I knew it, it's a conspiracy!" Kathryn exclaimed.
"Uh.." Chakotay stuttered.
"This is disgraceful. I should put you in the brig for the rest of this trip," Kathryn said angrily. She went over to stand right in front of Chakotay.
"But why, Tom and Harry made me do it," Chakotay said.
Tom and Harry's mouths dropped in horror. "No, that's not true!" Tom yelled.
"How dare you both. Tuvok, put them in the brig!" Kathryn yelled.
"Tuvok's not here," Ian said.
"Ok, do you want to go to the brig too?" Kathryn asked as she turned to him.
"Uh no ma'am," Ian stuttered.
"So who else was in on this? Ian, Tuvok, James, Jessie?" Kathryn asked. Tuvok arrived on the bridge.
"Yes," Chakotay replied.
"You traitor!" Ian exclaimed.
"That's not right, Commander. Mr Richards was just following orders, and so was I. Crewman Rex and Ensign Taylor were just fixing the holodeck," Tuvok said.
Tom snorted, "typical. Tuvok doesn't let me off."
"Shh, he doesn't know I blamed you," Chakotay whispered.
Tom pouted, "damn him!"
"Fine. Tom, Harry.. get to the brig. Tuvok, you take them," Kathryn ordered.
"But Captain.." Tuvok started to say. Kathryn passed him the death glare.
"Just do it mister, and put all the coffee supplies in a safe place," Kathryn said.
"What have you got against us!" Harry screamed.
"Who are you talking to?" Tom asked.
"The writers," Harry replied.
"Oh please, you won't get any sense out of those two," Tom said.
in the Third Dimension:
Marill was standing next to a Pepsi machine in the college refectory, holding a protest sign. People who passed just passed her some funny looks. "Hey, Pepsi is evil! Pepsi is evil!" Marill yelled at them. The people rushed off.
A girl dressed in black, with a hat over her head came up to her. "The protest is certainly working huh," she said.
Marill stared blankly at the girl, "oh dear god."
"What? I have to be careful don't I?" the girl said questioningly.
"Careful cos you're on the run from the nut house, or careful cos you're skiving Databases again?" Marill asked.
"You can talk, don't you have a lesson right now?" the girl asked.
"I am doing more important things like protecting my future career," Marill replied.
"What, a protest leader?" the girl asked.
"No.. Pepsi is taking over Coca Cola. Pepsi does not make me hyper like Coca Cola does," Marill replied.
"Oh.. you need to be hyper to write don't you or you write one off episodes that annoy people," the girl said.
"Well I wouldn't have to be hyper through the entire writing of episodes if somebody could let things go," Marill muttered.
"What? I haven't done anything!" the girl exclaimed.
"Not you," Marill groaned.
The girl shrugged, "you really should get some Cherry Coke now. You only rant if you haven't had any on that certain day."
"From where, tell me where!" Marill yelled. A few people came up to the Pepsi machine. "You want Pepsi? Get out of here!" Marill yelled. The people tried not to look freaked out, they went to the other side of the refectory.
"Uh.. you know they can still get Pepsi from the main food area," the girl said.
"I know that, you think I haven't checked every place you can get a drink?" Marill asked.
Some guy came over to the two girls, he looked at the sign. "So you're against Pepsi are you. I am too, you can't get any Diet Coke with Lemon here."
The girl burst out laughing, but Marill managed to keep a straight face for once. "Really? Do you like Cherry Coke?"
"Uh of course," the guy replied. The girl fell onto the floor laughing which made a lot of people stare at her.
"Then stop buying Diet Coke with Lemon you jacka**!" Marill screamed. The guy's eyes widened and he ran off.
The girl pulled herself off the floor, losing her hat in the process. "Oh crap, people can see my face!" the girl, who was in fact Vulpix, panicked.
"Yeah, that's my reaction every morning," Marill muttered.
"Where did it go, I need my hat back!" Vulpix yelled. She hid behind Marill. "There, that's better."
"Oh yeah, you're invisible now," Marill groaned.
"Really?" Vulpix said with a grin.
"By the way you really should find that hat," Marill said.
"Why, you're making me invisible," Vulpix said.
"That was my hat," Marill muttered.
Vulpix looked nervous, "no it wasn't." She knelt down on the floor, she looked around and she picked up the hat. "Marill, someone's using the machine!" Vulpix yelled and she ran off.
Marill smiled, "I'm not falling for that." Little did she know Vulpix was telling the truth. A few people left the refectory with armfuls of Pepsi.
The Doctor was sitting at his desk looking more annoyed than he usually is. "Computer what is the time?"
"1000 hours," the computer replied.
The Doctor sighed, he tapped his commbadge. "Sickbay to Kes."
Right on cue Kes stumbled in with a huge grin on her face. "Hiya doccy poo!"
"Ohno," the Doctor muttered as he stood up. "What did you have for breakfast?"
Kes giggled, "I took some of Neelix's snacks. They're yummy!"
"Isn't it a bit early for the Kes acting kinda hyper episode?" the Doctor asked himself.
"You're talking to your double doccy, tell him he looks fatter than you," Kes said.
The Doctor looked confused, "there is only one of me."
"Ookay," Kes laughed. She fell onto the floor.
The Doctor tapped his commbadge, "Sickbay to Neelix."
In: "Go ahead."
"Why did you give Kes some of your snacks before she came to duty? She's really hyperactive," the Doctor asked.
In: "My snack jar is empty, Doctor. Ohno, she's ate some of my coffee granules! Ian and Lisa put on the wrong labels!"
"Coffee granules? Ohno, Janeway's going to be really mad," the Doctor said.
"Why did you frame Mr Kim and Mr Paris, Commander?" Tuvok asked.
"Because I don't like Tom, and Harry never gets wrong," Chakotay replied.
"I do not see the logic in that," Tuvok said. Chakotay groaned.
"Oh my god! Kes ate my coffee granules! Put her in the brig too!" Kathryn yelled. She tapped her commbadge again.
"Isn't the brig getting kind of full?" Chakotay asked.
In: "Sickbay to Janeway. Captain, Kes didn't mean to eat the granules, Lisa and Ian made a mistake that's all."
"Fine, I'll have to think of a punishment for them. I know, I'll put them in the brig," Kathryn said.
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Chakotay asked.
"No sweetie, what did you say?" Kathryn asked.
Chakotay rolled his eyes, "the brig is full."
In: "Um, I'm still on the comm."
Kathryn threw off her commbadge, it landed next to Tuvok's feet. "There, that should shut him up."
"Oh and while I'm here. Ian followed my orders, he never does.. he was just following orders cos he hates your coffee addiction," Chakotay said.
"Commander, why are you trying to punish your crew for following your orders?" Tuvok asked.
"Uh.. James and Jessie weren't trying to fix the holodeck. Since when would they do something good for you," Chakotay said quickly.
"That's a good point. Woah, does that mean I didn't miss Lisa's birthday party?" Kathryn asked.
"Yes you did, but I thought you were mad at her," Chakotay replied.
"Oh yeah," Kathryn said, she grinned.
"So, how are you going to punish those four?" Chakotay asked.
"What about the brig?" Kathryn replied.
"Full," Chakotay groaned.
"Captain I have a suggestion. The four you are both referring to have not been Starfleet trained. Maybe somebody should train them to be our slaves, I mean train them to be proper members of our crew," Tuvok said.
"Isn't Lisa a bit young for that?" Chakotay asked.
"Nah, no one is too young for a bit of Starfleet discipline. Ok Tuvok, I'll leave them in your hands," Kathryn replied.
"Me?" Tuvok said.
"Yeah, you're a teacher aren't you? Why else would you be so boring," Kathryn said.
"So you're a teacher too, Captain?" Chakotay asked. Kathryn glared at him.
"But Captain, don't you think Commander Chakotay should teach them?" Tuvok asked.
"Are you kidding. The only thing he could teach is Class 103, Crashing Shuttles," Kathryn replied.
"I haven't crashed a shuttle yet," Chakotay muttered.
"Oh bugger, this means I can't use that joke in Season 3," Kathryn muttered.
"But Captain, Commander Chakotay is their old Captain. They will listen to him," Tuvok said.
Chakotay snorted, "yeah they would if I bribed them."
"Tuvok, you have to teach them so we can earn our respect," Kathryn said.
"Maybe I should bribe them," Chakotay muttered to himself. Kathryn and Tuvok glanced at him. "Seriously, good luck in teaching those four," Chakotay said and he rushed out.
"Wait, isn't he suppose to tell them to take it easy on me?" Tuvok asked.
"You're on your own Tuvie. I need some coffee," Kathryn replied. She went over to the replicator. Tuvok left the room as quickly as he could.
a doomed shuttlecraft:
Tom, Faye, Claire, Lee, B'Elanna and Craig were all inside the doomed shuttle, most looked scared to death.
"We're going near a planet in a shuttle, we're going near a planet in a shuttle," Faye stuttered as she shook back and forth.
"Don't panic, I'm an excellent pilot," Tom said.
"Then how come you've crashed more shuttles than Chakotay has?" B'Elanna asked.
"Because the writers won't let him anywhere near one, that's why," Tom grumbled.
"Are we nearly there yet?" Lee asked.
"Believe me, you'll know when we're there," Claire said.
"We will, how?" Lee asked.
"Your life will flash before your eyes and then you will die," Claire replied.
"Ah it's so simple," Lee said.
There was a small bump, Tom smiled smugly. "We've landed."
There was another small bump, or rather a thud. Everyone turned to where Faye once was, then they looked at the floor.
"You still injure someone when you land safely. You can't win can you Tommy boy?" B'Elanna said.
"She's not injured, she's just asleep. Let's go before she wakes up," Lee said. Claire smacked him on the arm.
"She's fainted you dope," Claire muttered.
"Er guys, are you sure this is the right landing spot?" Craig asked as he was looking out of the window.
"Yeah, why?" Tom replied.
"Why don't you look for yourself," Craig muttered. Everyone went up to the window, they all gasped.
"We're in the middle of a theme park!" B'Elanna shouted. She turned around and she saw that Craig and Faye had disappeared.
Lee smiled, it quickly disappeared and he ran off. Claire laughed, "immature boy." She ran after him.
"So why did we come here Tom? Does it have anything to do with this park?" B'Elanna asked. She turned to where Tom was standing earlier, all she saw was a Tom shaped cloud. "I take that as a yes," B'Elanna muttered.
of Part I
in the Third Dimension, outside a Pepsi factory:
"You know this is going to get us locked up for sure," Vulpix muttered.
"I don't care, I have a score to settle," Marill said.
"Don't you mean you have a lesson to skip," Vulpix said.
"That too," Marill said.
"I don't think we should do this. We were saving this for Double Trouble," Vulpix said.
"I've changed it to suit this episode, don't worry," Marill said.
"Does it still rhyme?" Vulpix asked.
"Surprisingly yes," Marill replied.
"Woah," Vulpix muttered.
"Come on, let's do it," Marill said.
"Wait a minute, this one was made for three people," Vulpix said.
"You can have an extra line," Marill said.
"I like, I like," Vulpix said.
They both sneaked into the factory, Vulpix switched off the lights. The dusty tape with the Team Rocket music came on.
"Listen to us about this and that," Vulpix's voice said.
"Take notes cos Pikachu's too fat," Marill's voice said.
"Ohno, I knew this day would come," one guy muttered. Another guy nodded his head, he brought a gun to his head and he shot himself. Everyone tried to ignore what had transpired.
"To give the Pepsi managers what they deserve," Vulpix's voice said.
"Cherry Coke, the college does not serve," Marill's voice said.
"We're here cos we're fast typists," Vulpix's voice said.
"We are the lovely hyper writers," Marill's voice said.
The lights came back on. Vulpix rushed back to get into position again.
"Vulpix," Vulpix said.
"Marill," Marill said.
"Fifth Voyager blasts the Pepsi managers to the white light," Vulpix said.
"We cannot rhyme but we can fight," Marill said.
"PS, Nelly and Kelly are sh**e," Vulpix whispered.
The manager rushed over looking a bit scared. "Listen, we'll do anything you want. Just please don't put us in your Fifth Voyager."
Vulpix and Marill glanced at each other, Marill shushed her. "Ok, deal. We want you to stop making as much Pepsi, and every other drink you do. Oh and do Diet Pepsi with Lemon, that'll really ruin Diet Coke with Lemon," Marill said.
"Why didn't I think of that? Maybe I should do Cherry Pepsi," the manager said.
"Vulpix, put him in the next episode," Marill said.
"Ok ok, I won't do that," the manager stuttered.
"Why did you do that for? We could of had something to fall back on if Cherry Coke ever disappeared," Vulpix asked quietly.
"Are you kidding? Pepsi never makes us hyper, I think they put fake sugar into that stuff," Marill replied quietly.
"No! You know our secret, we're doomed!" the manager screamed. He ran off.
"I think our work here is done," Marill said.
"Yep, let's move onto the Wotsits factory. I really can't stand their new advert," Vulpix said. The two writers left the factory. As they did they heard several guns going off, and several thuds afterwards.
to Voyager, the Cargo Bay:
James, Jessie, Ian and Lisa were all standing around looking bored. Tuvok came into the bay. "Finally, why are we here?" Ian asked as he tapped his foot.
"All four of you are here to be taught how to be Starfleet Officers.." Tuvok replied.
"What if we don't want to be?" Jessie asked.
"You haven't got a choice," Tuvok replied.
"I think we do. We are not actually Starfleet Officers so we don't have to be trained," Ian said.
"You work on this ship, but you are not trained to do the work you are assigned to. You are all also troublemakers in need of some.." Tuvok said.
"Wait a minute. This is actually a punishment. Why didn't you say so before?" Ian said questioningly.
"Crewman, there is one thing you have to learn and that is to not interrupt a senior officer," Tuvok said.
"Oh for f***ing sake, I was just.." Ian moaned.
"50 laps around the Cargo Bay," Tuvok ordered.
"You what?" Ian laughed.
"Make that 70 laps," Tuvok said.
"This is ridiculous," Ian said.
"90 laps," Tuvok said.
"I'll die, nobody can run that many laps. Right guys?" Ian said as he glanced at the others. He rolled his eyes and he started to run laps.
"That's not very fair, he was only trying to talk some sense into you," Lisa said.
"Do you want to join him Miss Lillis?" Tuvok asked.
Lisa's mouth dropped, "this is so not fair!"
"You're telling me, this is just some sick attempt at making us Starfleet's drones," James said.
"Do all of you want to do laps?" Tuvok asked.
"Hey, I didn't say anything!" Jessie complained.
"You have now," Lisa muttered.
"Now you see why you four were chosen for this special training," Tuvok said.
"Oh I see, this is Marquis discrimination. I'm sure Lisa never gets into trouble, you've just chosen her for the rest of this group because she's another Marquis," James said.
"Yeah, I'm a good girl," Lisa said as she tried to look innocent.
"Erm, are you going to defend us soon?" Jessie asked.
"I'm getting there. Anyway there are loads of troublemakers on this ship, so how come we got chosen for this little discipline crap?" James asked.
"Because you four have been in a lot of trouble recently, and you have not been to the Academy," Tuvok replied.
"There you go, he's just against Marquis that's all," James said.
"I assure you, I am not," Tuvok said calmly.
"Oh please, James is right. You hate Marquis," Jessie said.
"I don't hate anyone," Tuvok said.
"Yeah yeah, let's go," Jessie said. She, James and Lisa headed for the doors. Ian pretended not to notice, he got so far with his lap then he ran out after they did.
"Who did he think he was? General Tuvok?" Ian asked as he took a drink of Cherry Coke.
"I know, it seems suspicious that we were chosen for this little punishment," Jessie said.
"I didn't do anything wrong, why was I there?" Lisa asked.
"I don't know, but Jess and I shouldn't of been there. Janeway was none of the wiser," James replied.
"Yeah and why was I there? All I did was swap Neelix's stupid sweet jar with the coffee jar. Nobody was none of the wiser either," Ian said.
"Oh yeah, that's what I did wrong recently," Lisa muttered.
"Don't take credit for it Lisa, it was my idea," Ian said as Chakotay entered the room. He picked up a drink of tea and he came over to their table. He pulled a chair over, he sat down.
"So, I hear your little training exercise didn't go well," Chakotay said.
"It was stupid, Ian had to do laps around the bay," Lisa said.
"Yeah, it's not the kind of exercise I had in mind," Ian said.
"Was there any other problem?" Chakotay asked.
"Well isn't it obvious? He only wanted us there because he wants to turn us into Starfleet drones. We came aboard this ship cos we had no choice," Jessie replied.
"Yeah, it's just because we're Marquis that we're not treated fairly," James said.
"You want to be treated fairly?" Chakotay said questioningly.
"Yeah we don't want to be treated like Starfleet cadets. We want to be treated like the people we really are," James said. The others nodded.
Chakotay took a sip of his drink. "Really? Fair enough," he said. He stood up from his chair, then he suddenly smacked James in the face. He started to get up but Ian and Jessie held him down.
"What the hell was that for?" James asked angrily.
"It's very simple. You want to be treated like the people you are, then I will. For example, I will continue to treat you like the bully you are until you all go to Tuvok's training class. Do you understand?" Chakotay replied.
"Yeah, I think we do," Lisa muttered. Ian nodded his head, not looking to certain about it.
"Fine, I'll go to Tuvok's stupid class. Just let's get one thing clear, if you hit me again.. I'll kill you," James said.
"I'm sure you will," Chakotay said sarcastically. He finished his drink and he left the room.
"No, please god no!" Faye screamed.
"Oh come on, it's only a roller coaster!" Claire yelled as she, Lee and Craig were trying to pull Faye into the queue.
Tom pushed passed the young teens, and he got onto the ride. "Ah ha, too slow!"
"No, it's our turn," Lee moaned.
B'Elanna came over to the end of the queue path looking really teed off. "You know I have to get back to Engineering. This is a waste of my time," she said.
"Yeah, I agree," Faye stuttered.
"I wanna go on the coaster," Craig moaned.
Everyone turned around when they heard the sound of the transporter. "Did somebody transport down?" Claire asked as she looked around.
"Somebody did," B'Elanna groaned as she turned around. Everyone else turned to the direction she was looking towards before.
"Give me all the coffee you've got stocked behind there!" Kathryn yelled. She pointed a phaser at a terrified coffee stall guy.
the Cargo Bay:
Tuvok was walking back and forth as his new students stood in a row. "Now I'll do an inspection of your uniforms," Tuvok was saying.
"Dirty man," Lisa whispered to Ian. He tried not to laugh.
Tuvok started with Jessie. "Miss Rex," he said.
"Yeah, that's my surname," Jessie muttered.
"Where is your uniform?" Tuvok asked.
"In the replicator," Jessie replied.
"Please replicate one before our next class," Tuvok said. He went over to James next. "Ensign, sort your hair out."
"This is my regular hair, so p*** off," James grumbled.
Tuvok went over to Ian next. "Sort yours out too," he said.
"I think you need to sort yours out first," Ian said.
Tuvok went over to Lisa. "Crewman, you're not allowed any jewellery," Tuvok said.
Lisa rolled her eyes, she took off her necklace. "Anything else?" she asked.
"Yes, you do not wear trainers with uniforms," Tuvok said.
Ian stepped out of the row, "ok that's enough. We agreed to come to these classes but we didn't agree to continuously being insulted."
"I am not insulting anyone Crewman. Now can we move onto the training?" Tuvok said questioningly.
"Ok, but if there's anymore of this, I'm going," Ian said.
"That was fun, let's do it again!" Faye laughed. She rushed over to the coaster's queue, she stopped suddenly. She turned around looking really scared.
"What's wrong?" Craig asked.
"I don't think I could face it again, it was scary," Faye stuttered.
Everyone rolled their eyes. "You're one of those kind of girls, huh?" Claire muttered.
"I told you she was a freak," Lee said. Claire elbowed him hard.
"God, who knew this much coffee would be so heavy," a familiar voice muttered from behind the gang. They all turned around, they saw Kathryn pulling a huge bag behind her.
"We're doomed," Craig whispered. The others nodded.
"Hey, where's B'Elanna?" Tom asked.
Right on cue, B'Elanna came over to the group, dragging Neelix.
"Uh, what's going on?" Claire asked.
"I caught him at the Leola root stall," B'Elanna muttered.
"I was just browsing!" Neelix protested.
"Wow, this place must have a stall for everything," Lee said.
"Who thinks we should find the Cherry Coke stall?" Faye asked. The rest of the teens put their hands up, a few seconds later they were gone.
Tom laughed, "teenagers, ey B'Elanna."
"Yeah," B'Elanna muttered. She turned to Tom, but he had disappeared. She groaned.
Tuvok was wearing a stupid outfit that I can't really describe, he was running down a corridor. He turned a corner and then stopped. He pulled out a futuristic stop watch thing.
Tuvok was still waiting with the stop watch. He put it back in his pocket and headed down the corridor.
"God that guy is so stupid," Lisa laughed.
"Don't you mean gullible," Ian said.
"Either way," Lisa muttered.
"I don't think he's going to be to happy if he finds out," Jessie said.
"If he finds out? I think he will of found out ages ago," James said.
"Don't be stupid, that guy is so stupid he'll be thinking we're still running that stupid course. I mean, how stupid can a guy get?" Ian said. The others were just staring behind him looking worried. "He's behind me isn't he?" Ian muttered. The others nodded.
"I assumed that when you agreed to take part in this training, that you would take part in all of the training," Tuvok said.
"Yeah, but you never mentioned running around the whole ship," Jessie said.
"In the event of an emergency you all must know all routes to certain places. That way you.." Tuvok blabbered on.
The gang groaned. "Ok, ok.. we'll do the course, anything but your speeches," Ian moaned.
Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "as you wish."
"Yeah, we'll do the whole thing," Lisa said.
"I prefer the speeches," Jessie muttered.
"Look if we do the run I'll bribe you with something," James said. Jessie groaned, she and James stood up.
"It's your turn this episode? When's it mine?" Ian asked as he stood up too.
"If you want I'll bribe you with something," Lisa said with an odd glint in her eye.
"That's it, I'll do the run. Anything but this," Jessie said.
Tuvok ran passed Sickbay and he turned the corner. James and Jessie were not that far behind. They both stopped. "Where the hell are Lisa and Ian?" Jessie asked.
"I don't want to know. You'd better keep going," James replied.
"Why me, I need a rest," Jessie said.
"If he finds no one behind him he'll think we're skiving again. Think of this as your bribe," James said.
"You were the one bribing me," Jessie muttered.
"Fine, I'll bribe you twice," James said.
"Fine. Wherever I collapse, I'll meet you there," Jessie said. She turned the corner, just walking though.
James leaned against the wall. "I really need to give up smoking," he muttered. He glanced around, he shrugged and then got out a tab.
Meanwhile Tuvok glanced behind him and found nobody behind him at all. He went back the way he came, he quickly found Jessie lying on the floor.
"No more, please god.." Jessie muttered.
"Where is everyone else?" Tuvok asked.
"I dunno, don't care, gonna pass out," Jessie replied.
Tuvok raised his eyebrow, he continued on walking. After turning the corner he spotted James smoking. "Ensign, how did you get one of those?"
James jumped a mile, he dropped the tab onto the floor. He quickly stood on it. "Got one of what from?"
"Have you seen Miss Lillis and Mr Richards?" Tuvok asked.
"Fortunately no," James replied.
"What do you mean by fortunately?" Tuvok asked.
"They were kinda flirting the last time I saw them," James replied.
"Flirting?" Tuvok said, sounding confused.
"I think I'll get back to the run," James muttered. He rushed off down the corridor.
Tuvok continued down the corridor, after passing several doors he stopped outside one. He opened the door to find Lisa and Ian kissing. They both stopped looking really nervous.
"Er, so we're done for the day.. right?" Ian stuttered.
Tuvok was sitting eating some disgusting looking soup. Neelix came over with his usual grin on his face. "Hey Mr Vulcan."
"Yes Mr Neelix," Tuvok said.
Neelix sat down opposite him. "I hear you're having a little trouble with your class."
"They are difficult to control, yes," Tuvok said.
"Want a little bit of advice?" Neelix asked.
"I don't believe I have a choice," Tuvok replied.
"Well in order to keep this from sounding like the original, I'll just get to the point. You need to get to know them all, maybe then you'll bond a bit better," Neelix said.
"Thank you Mr Neelix, I will try that," Tuvok said.
"Finally, this is an exercise I like," Ian said cheerfully.
"What, hanging around in a mucky pub," Jessie muttered.
"Well yeah, they sell booze," Ian said. He sat down on the pool table.
Tuvok came over to the four. "Which one of you wants to play pool with me first?"
"Better leave me to last, I am good," Ian boasted.
"He means good at losing," Jessie said to the others.
Ian sulked, "I'm right here."
"Very well, I will choose," Tuvok said.
"Er, hello? Can you people not see me or something?" Ian asked.
"Ensign, you will play against me first," Tuvok said.
"Do I have to?" James moaned.
"Yes," Tuvok replied.
"Stop moaning, at least we're not running around the ship again," Ian said.
"It's better than running around the ship lots of times," Jessie said.
"Hey, am I invisible or something!" Ian yelled. Lisa patted him on the shoulder.
"Oh there you are," Lisa said jokingly. Ian groaned, he walked towards the bar.
"Why don't the rest of you get a drink while we play," Tuvok said.
"Erm, ok," Jessie muttered. She and Lisa followed Ian to the bar.
"Oh great, what have I done now?" James asked.
"Ensign?" Tuvok said questioningly.
"I thought you wanted to tell me off," James said.
"No, it's better to do that in front of a lot of people," Tuvok said.
"I wish I had a Cherry Coke bottle for every time someone's said that to me," James said.
Tuvok raised his eyebrow as he put the pool balls on the table. He handed one of the cues to James. "You break," he said.
"What break the balls, or just break?" James asked.
Ian sniggered nearby, "isn't the first one the girls job."
"And you wonder why people ignore you," Jessie said. Some annoying guy came over to Lisa and Jessie.
"I knew this day would come," the guy said.
"Uh, what?" Lisa said questioningly.
"It was about time some good looking girls came to this pub," the guy said.
Sandrine overheard, she slipped rat poison into his drink.
"Ok whatever," Jessie muttered.
"So miss, are you free tonight?" the guy asked.
"Uh, how can I answer the question without wasting my drink?" Lisa asked.
Jessie shrugged, "maybe you should hit him or something."
Ian laughed, "girls always get bugged here. How unlucky."
Sandrine came over, she instantly started flirting with Ian. "So pretty boy, how long are you here for?"
"Ah son of a.." Ian muttered.
Meanwhile it was James' turn, it looked like Tuvok was winning though. "It appears that you haven't played this game that much. You have to stop using so much power in every shot," Tuvok said.
"Nah, it's more fun my way," James said. He made another shot, the white ball hit a red ball. The red ball then went flying off the table and into the flirty guy's drink.
"But you will not win if you keep playing the way you do," Tuvok said.
"Does it look like I give a damn?" James asked.
Tuvok raised his eyebrow again, "then why do you even play if you do not want to win?"
"Because you made me that's why. Besides it is really funny when a ball hits someone," James replied.
Tuvok took another shot, after he did he went over to the opposite side of the table. "You may be wondering why I brought the class here."
"Yeah I was, you're not really a pub person," James said.
"Indeed. I figured that if I got to know all of you, we will work together a bit better," Tuvok said.
"Fine. Hurry up and finish the game," James said.
"So, do you have any family?" Tuvok asked.
"Mostly dead.. you?" James replied.
"Aren't you suppose to tell a really long depressing story?" Tuvok asked.
"Nah, the readers have heard most of it before," James replied.
"There's one thing we may not have heard, why did you join the Marquis?" Tuvok asked.
"I think the jist of that story has been told already," James replied.
"Then why don't you tell me something different then," Tuvok said.
"Ok, but you asked for it," James said. He took another shot, this time a ball went towards the door. Conveniently enough Kathryn chose that moment to stroll in, the ball hit her right in the face. Tuvok went to pick it up.
"My mum had just been murdered in the shopping centre. The entire centre had mainly Cardassians there that day, so I figured one of them was responsible. To cut a long story short, my step dad got me into the Marquis since his friend was a member. Half of me just wanted to get revenge on Cardassians, that's all," James said.
"I see," Tuvok said.
"I see? Is that all you have to say? You're supposed to keep this really nice conversation going, why don't you?" James said.
"I do not know how to reply to your story," Tuvok said.
"Ok, that's fair," James muttered. He dumped the cue on the table and stormed out. Tuvok just raised his eyebrow.
Lisa ran over, "ooh ooh, me next! This place really smells."
"Hurry up Lisa, the flirty guy's waking up," Jessie said not far behind her.
Ian nudged Jessie out of the way, "every man for himself!"
Sandrine rushed over and started flirting with Ian again. As she did the flirty guy woke up, somehow still alive, and he tried to flirt with the girls again.
"I take it, it didn't work then," Neelix said.
"You take it right, Mr Neelix. I believe I am at a loss," Tuvok said.
"Maybe you should give them Cherry Coke," Neelix said.
"I don't understand," Tuvok said.
"They may like you a bit more if you do. It's worth a try," Neelix said.
Tuvok walked into the Mess Hall. He found Ian, Jessie, James and Lisa sitting at a table near the window. He went over to them holding four bottles of Cherry Coke. He handed one each to them.
"There will be a lot more if you continue your training," Tuvok said.
"Really... we'll do anything you say," Lisa said.
"Oh yeah, we'll mop the floors.. clean the loos, anything," Ian said.
"Oh I've just remembered, I need to apologise for being a complete jerk earlier," James said.
"Hey I just realised that you are so cute," Jessie said.
"Tuvok, Tuvok!" Chakotay's voice yelled.
Just then Tuvok woke up in his bed, he sat up quickly. Chakotay was beside his bed. "You slept in, you're late for duty," Chakotay said.
"Oh, I apologise Commander," Tuvok said.
"Oh Janeway told me to tell you that the training class is off now," Chakotay said.
"Very well, what is the reason?" Tuvok asked.
"To quote Janeway, um.." Chakotay muttered. He looked like he was going to say something that would kill him, he took a deep breath. "I want that cutey back on my Bridge, there I said it!"
"I take it that the Captain was intoxicated again," Tuvok said.
"Dear god, I hope so. See you on the Bridge later," Chakotay said. He rushed out of the room.
the Mess Hall:
Kathryn skipped into the kitchen. She looked around but she couldn't find what she was looking for. She went further into the kitchen, when she did she gasped in horror.
Kes looked up at her with coffee all over her face. "Hi, these are really nice sweeties!" She pulled herself to her feet. "You got really big hair, it's like wooh!" Kes laughed as she pointed to the ceiling. She stumbled out of the kitchen.
Kathryn stared at what was left of the coffee she stole for a couple of minutes. She finally broke down crying, she fell onto her knees. "No, why!!!!"
Why did Tom take the away team to that planet? When will Chakotay be let near the shuttles? How much coffee did Kes eat exactly? How did Danny get away from the training thingy? And finally why did Tuvok dream that disturbing dream? (Cute my butt)
Find out the answers to most of these questions in the next installment of B4 Fifth Voyager!
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